Ann Voskamp's Blog, page 108

When the Doctor has Hard News: How to Live & Love

Sarah Williams is extraordinary. You could say she had it all –  a happy marriage, a secure post as an Oxford professor, two healthy children. But it would be her third child – someone who would never have credentials, health, or success, who would teach her what it truly means to be human. Meet Cerian, whose birth day was also her death day, and whose wisdom and perfection live on to teach us all. Sarah wrote of this journey in her new book, Perfectly Human: Nine Months with Cerian. Her words here define love. Please welcome Sarah to our front porch today…

guest post by Sarah C. Williams

The doctor’s cheery voice gave way to a clipped monotone.

He left the room and returned with a female technician. I assumed he was simply inexperienced at doing ultra­sounds and bristled with irritation as the woman redid everything he had just done.

I am so sorry, there is something wrong with the baby.

Then the woman put her hand on my arm and said the words that every expectant mother hopes she will never hear: “I am so sorry, there is something wrong with the baby. We need to fetch the consultant.”

“But there can’t be,” I responded immediately. “I saw the face. The baby looks fine to me.” She shook her head and squeezed my arm. I went cold all over.

The consultant sat down beside me. Using the cursor and his finger for reinforcement, he highlighted different points of the tiny person inside me and murmured incomprehensible numbers.

“I have to tell you, Mrs. Williams, this baby will not live. It has thanatophoric dysplasia, a lethal skeletal deformity that will certainly result in death shortly after birth. The chest is too small to sustain the proper development of the lungs.”

A pause. “I suggest you come back with your partner in the morning and we will talk further about what you want to do.” A few minutes later I found myself in a side room with a second consultant.

Only now did I understand what was meant by the phrase “what you want to do.” I listened while the doctor suggested dates for a termination.

“It’s the kindest thing to do, isn’t it?” I said to Paul that night after our two older daughters were in bed. 

Once I would have been quick to register my opposition to abortion. Now I was shocked to find that the only thing I wanted was to get the fetus out of my body as quickly as possible.

We knew that a stark ethical principle was not enough to carry us through the rest of the pregnancy without hope; it was not enough to enable us to cope with the chance of watching our baby die in pain.

Paul suggested we pray.

I can only say we both felt God speak a message to our hearts as clearly as if he had been talking with us in person:

Here is a sick and dying child. Will you love this child for Me? 

The question reframed everything. 

It was no longer primarily a question of abstract ethical principle but rather the gentle imperative of love. Before we finished praying, the chasm between the principle and the choice had been filled.

As I lay down in my bed that night I realized the decision had been made.

On what basis is quality of life assessed? What is a normal person?

Do normal people have a certain intelligence? Normality is a relative scale with no accepted criteria in all cultures.

At one end of this relative scale we place people who are restricted by intellectual functioning, illness, age, or accident.

And at the other end of this scale we place people with efficient minds and bodies. By this definition each of my three children sit at different points on the normality spectrum. Could I as a parent who loves them equally decide which one of them was most valuable, or worthy of a place on the planet?

We named our third daughter Cerian, Welsh for “loved one.”

Cerian’s life ended in the hour before she was born.

At that moment the presence of God came powerfully into the hospital room. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced, before or since.

Weighty, intimate, holy, the room was full of God. Everything inside me stilled; I hardly dared breathe. His presence was urgent and immediate and I knew with certainty that God had come in his love to take a tiny deformed baby home to be with him.

When I first found out about Cerian’s deformity and made the choice to carry her to term, it felt like the destruction of my plans and hopes. It went against what I wanted. It limited me.

But it was in this place of limitation that God showed me more of His love.

Up until this point, the clamor of my desires and wishes had made me like a closed system centered in on myself, on my needs, flaws, and attributes.

My life, even at times my religion, had revolved around achievement, reputation, and winning respect and approval from others.

I had busied myself with perfect home, perfect children, perfect job, all the things I wanted.

I knew I had lost something deep and precious, but I didn’t know what it was. And the more I felt the lack of it, the harder I tried to find it through effort.

During the nine months I carried Cerian, God came close to me again unexpectedly, wild and beautiful, good and gracious. 

I touched His presence as I carried Cerian and as a result I realized that underneath all my other longings lay an aching desire for God Himself and for His love.

Cerian shamed my strength, and in her weakness and vulnerability, she showed me a way of intimacy.

The beauty and completeness of her personhood nullified the value system to which I had subscribed for so long.

The overriding memory of my time with Cerian, the one I will carry with me for the rest of my life, was the glimpse I had, during the moments of her death, of the love and glory of God. That memory causes all the other recollections, good and bad, to pale in comparison.

God the creator came in His love to take a vulnerable human being home to be with Him.

This encounter changed my life.

Quite simply, it showed me that there is another way to be in the world.

The quiet beauty of Cerian’s life goes on challenging me:

What does it really mean to be human?

 

Sarah Williams’ journey has taken her from Oxford, where she was educated, and later taught British and European political and cultural history, to Vancouver, Canada, where she taught history at Regent College. Now she and her family are back in Oxfordshire, where she continues writing and teaching.

Sarah’s poignant, powerful story of her daughter’s nine months of life gives voice to so many other families who face hard questions, lack of understanding, and the loneliness of grief, while protecting and loving a precious, short, God-given life. Her book Perfectly Human: Nine Months with Cerian is candid, vulnerable, and brave.

Read it, and share it with someone else who needs to hear about Cerian.

[ Our humble thanks to Plough Publishing for their partnership in today’s devotion ]

How to Crush Much Anxiety this Year

There are birds at the feeders, chickadees.

What is the answer to much anxiousness?

They flit nervous.

Oh, yeah — do I get that.

I watch the light out in the trees, the way it falls across the walls.

Across the calendar and these mushrooming to-do lists and yeah, go ahead, try to remember to breathe.

John Calvin and I remember the year we were four.

The year I was four, my sister was crushed under the wheels of a truck in our driveway. That’s my first memory, the day Aimee was killed.

Fear’s have formed me.

John Calvin’s mother died the year he was four.

Scholar and historian, William J Bouwsma describes Calvin as “a singularly anxious man.”

A song of thanks steadies everything.

Oh, yeah —  you and me both, good sir. 

Calvin buried all three babies he and his wife ever held.

He said he found in the Psalms, “all the griefs, sorrows, fears, doubts, hopes, cares, perplexities, in short all the distracting emotions with which the minds of men are wont to be agitated.”

The man understood fear.

Clouds have skirted in heavy from the west. The walls in the kitchen fall grey and silent.

Joshua’s playing it quietly, up and down the piano this morning, the notes of the Music Box Dancer.

A friend laid out in great detail this weekend how the economy is about to implode. Chronic illness flares. Teenagers ask big questions. I keep smoothing out calendar pages, pushing things back. Oh, c’mon— How do you remember how to dance?

Anxiety can wear anger’s mask.

You’ve gotta, right? You’ve gotta dance a bit, laugh loud longer than a bit, throw back your head and feel alive and it doesn’t matter a hill of beans if there are bills stacked like mountain of impossible, you gotta live right through to the end or your invite the end to come now.

So yeah — maybe that’s the Billboard Neon Question for a whole new year rolling itself right out:

What is the answer to anxiety?

Joshua’s playing so sure, the house lilting, tilting with happiness.

And that’s what Mr. Calvin wrote,

“The stability of the world depends on the rejoicing in God’s works…. 

If on earth, such praise of God does not come to pass… then the whole order of nature will be thrown into confusion…”

Artwork: Suffering Servant in a Single Stroke 

Our worlds reel unless we rejoice.

A song of thanks steadies everything.

So there, New Year, there’s your Billboard Neon Answer:

The answer to much anxiousness is the adoration of Christ.

Yeah, so there are piano lessons today and already a little brother’s in a mess of tears because some big brother’s rattled his jangling chain, and oh yeah, we’ve got some sisters arguing loud over who’s turn it is to make the bed (for the love!) and I’ve snapped exasperated, ugly, at a whining middle kid who doesn’t want to stomp through snow and cold just to get a bunch of eggs from the hen house for crying out loud! (literally!)

You  better believe it: 

Anxiety can wear anger’s mask.

Fear of failing, of falling, of falling behind, it can make us fierce. Oh, yes’m: Life can be messy before nine in the morning.

Joshua’s tripping on some notes now.

The thermometer out on the tree, it’s mercury is sluggish and heavy. Hard frost lines windows. So yeah — how do you breathe and dance?

“We are cold when it comes to rejoicing in God!” wrote Calvin. 

“Hence, we need to exercise ourselves in it and employ all our senses in it– our feet, our hands, our arms and all the rest – 

that they all might serve in the worship of God and so magnify Him.”

Okay, got it: 

When exasperation mounts, exercise our song, employ all our senses.

I use my hand, pick up the pen, employ the senses to the see and magnify God in that little dog-eared gratitude journal.

~ The spruce in wind.

~ Comforting worn kids early.

~  Joshua playing the Music Box dancer.

~ Ps 131 words: “Surely I have composed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child on his mother”

~  Citrus scent of grapefruit on the breakfast table in January.

~  Chickadees fluffed in the wind. 

Exhale.

I’m warmed. Joshua’s practicing the chorus. Exercise. Employ. Exalt.

The answer to much anxiousness is always to exalt Christ.

 The answer to much anxiousness is the adoration of Christ.

The chickadees scuttle at the feeder and fly, warmth on the wing. I watch from the window. A child presses into me and the window, and yeah, we’ve got some time. There is wonder. It’s ridiculous and beautiful how that happens: Everything absorbs into thanksgiving.

Calvin said that, “If we compare a hawk with the residue of the whole world, it is nothing.”

The chickadees, they are flying south.

And yet.

That’s what Calvin said,

“And yet if so small a portion of God’s work ought to ravish us and amaze us, what ought all His works do when we come to the full numbering of them?”

Uh, wait— Did Calvin number too?

My pen’s laying like there like a dare to joy, right there on the counter.

Joshua’s playing it imperfect but loud and lovely, the Music Box Dancer finding all the right notes, exercising exaltation.

And yeah, you can go ahead and ask — but I don’t think anyone saw me in the kitchen this morning?

How I spun around and danced a bit like a fool, exercising “feet and hands and arms and all the rest,” employing all the senses and smiling happiness anyways?

It can happen — I felt it —

how unceasing thanks can make all these moments dance brave and unafraid.

 

Need freedom not only beyond the fear & pain, but actually  within it? The Broken Way 

How do you find the way that lets you become what you hope to be? 60 steps from heart-weary brokenness to Christ-focused abundance: The Way of Abundance

Give yourself the gift of grace that He already has — and give yourself the beauty of: Be the Gift

The answer to anxiety is the adoration of Christ… and my story of just that: One Thousand Gifts 

and the 60 DAY DEVOTIONAL with 1000 numbered lines to count your #1000gifts: One Thousand Gifts Devotional: Reflecting on Finding Everyday Graces

The Power of Welcome: Helping Our Kids Choose Love over Fear

You are welcome here. Those words disarm us. We can let our guards down and feel safe when we feel welcome. But we live in a world that is nervous about welcoming others, about risking comfort and security. Kent Annan will tell you to take the risk: choose love over fear. He beautifully describes the power of “welcome” in this story about his son who asks, “Are we for or against them?” We are for them and welcome them, Kent shows, because as the title of his book reminds us, when we welcome others–into our homes, churches, neighborhoods, and even our country–Jesus says, “You welcomed me.” It’s a grace to welcome Kent to the farm’s front porch today…

guest post by Kent Annan

Do you remember what it means when people are refugees or immigrants?” I ask my eight-year-old son.

“Yes, Dad. We talked about that last week. Remember?”

“I’m going to write my next book about this.”

“Okay. But wait, are we for them or against them?”

“For them. Remember. Being a refugee means someone had to run away from something bad, like war. They had to leave home, leave everything behind. Can you imagine if we had to leave our house and your school and move somewhere far away, where they speak another language, because we weren’t safe? And an immigrant is coming to somewhere new, which is usually hard too. We want to be people who help people in hard situations, right?”

“Sure. But some people we are against, right? Why?”

“I think people are nervous or scared about a few things. Safety is one. They don’t want any bad people to get in who could hurt them. They also think people might take their jobs. And new people can bring change with them—like a different language, culture, or religion that they don’t want.”

“Okay, watch this move. You stand right there. I’m going to jump off the couch and kick you. You try to block my kick, but you won’t be able to because the crane kick cannot be defended.”

We’d watched the old Karate Kid as our family movie the night before, so 95 percent of the conversation then turned to punches, kicks, “not that hard!” and laughter. I knew the movie might put the rest of our family in danger for a few days as my son works out his new Karate Kid techniques.

But as we keep talking, in between indefensible crane kicks—and in the future as he keeps getting older—I want him to recognize what is at stake:

Love versus fear
Who we want to be
What home is
How we deal with real concerns
How we make difficult decisions about responding to other people’s suffering when there isn’t enough for everyone to meet their own wants and needs—in this world that gives lots to some and crushes others
Wisdom versus naiveté versus ideals
The future of our nation
The way ethnicity and race affect lives and relationships

I love being a dad. Besides spontaneous karate battles with my son, I keep finding that my kids expose my generosity and my hypocrisy, my love and my selfishness.

They reflect myself back to me. What we model is more important than what we say.

How we answer my son’s question, “Are we for or against them?” reveals a lot about what kind of family, community, and country we want to be.

After the answer comes the work to understand the nuances and navigate the complexity. As adults, we know there is usually a cost to being our best selves—and that it’s ultimately worth the price.

How can we live into a vision that chooses love over fear?

I want my son to see that we’re for them. I want my son to see we could be them. I want my son to hear that Jesus said to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Inspiring, demanding words to live by. These words invite us to embrace our common humanity and risk love.

“That could be me” at face value can be a selfish formulation. But it can also lead our imaginations down the path toward deeper empathy and love—because it recognizes the stranger as ourselves and helps us choose to be for.

That could be me unable to find work, so my child can’t go to school and his hair is turning rust-colored because of malnutrition. I’ve walked along dirt paths and talked with dads and moms in Haiti who give all they can to provide for their children, and it’s not nearly enough. I saw them move to the Dominican Republic to work awful jobs cutting sugar cane, never seeing their families so they could support their families.

That could be me having to leave my family behind, crossing a border and a desert to work grueling days picking tomatoes or strawberries in the Florida sun, hunched over doing work nobody local would do, so I can send money back to my children who I don’t get to see for months on end.

That could be me without a home, without a place that isn’t haunted by fear and uncertainty.

This is the rigorous life of love worth living, love that opens the world to us, that leads us toward discovery and transformation.

That could be me, one of the Syrian refugees in whose home I sat drinking tea in Mafraq, Jordan. They lost their home, left all they had behind. They also talked, four years into being refugees, about how hard it was without full rights to work or start a business in their host country when they had lost everything. Though they longed to return, they had no idea if or when they’d go back to Syria—and meanwhile weren’t really even able to start over. On average, refugees are away from their home country for more than ten years.

That could be me loving my neighbor as myself—and discovering that in the deepest sense we’re all exiles trying to find home. Following Jesus means to some extent confessing that we don’t have a permanent home here. We want to belong most of all to God’s kingdom coming.

We’re also to live with an eye to helping widows and orphans out on the margins.

This isn’t liberal wishy-washiness or conservative literalism.

This is the rigorous life of love worth living, love that opens the world to us, that leads us toward discovery and transformation.

It leads toward the discomfort of growth.

We carry the weight of caring and then find our hearts grow stronger.

 

Kent Annan is director of humanitarian and disaster leadership at Wheaton College’s Humanitarian Disaster Institute and cofounder of Haiti Partners, a nonprofit focused on education in Haiti. He also serves on the board of directors of the Equitas Group, a philanthropic foundation focused on ending child exploitation in Haiti and Southeast Asia. Kent is the author of Slow Kingdom Coming, After Shock, and Following Jesus through the Eye of the Needle.

In You Welcomed Me: Loving Refugees and Immigrants Because God First Loved Us, Kent Annan explores how fear and misunderstanding often motivate our responses to people in need, and invites us instead into stories of welcome—stories that lead us to see the current refugee and immigrant crisis in a new light. Annan invites us to answer his son’s question with confident conviction:

“We’re for them”—and to explore with him the life-giving implications of that answer. Kent also lays out simple practices for a way forward: confessing what separates us, listening well, and partnering with, not patronizing, those in need. A companion family toolkit is also available at YouWelcomedMe.org.

[ Our humble thanks to InterVarsity Press for their partnership in today’s devotion ]

Crazy, Stressed Days Need This Life Plan: A Manifesto to Stay Sane

So I’m a mess and we’re all failures — at least all the honest of us are.

And the truth is, no one ever runs before they take baby steps. 

So I scratch down these 25 points, like my own sanity manifesto, and there are a thousand different ways in a thousand seasons to make a life glorify God.

I scrawl out mine, which would be different than most wayfarers and sojourners, who knows, but I make a place for it on the fridge and it’s not a law, but a scaffolding for the shaky, struggling days.

I don’t write it as a checklist, like these are things I have to do, one after another, but I write the manifesto, fluid, like limbs on a tree, to reach for just the next one I need right now.

And I write it in big letters, right at the top, what I need to whisper on the days when I don’t know how to keep going because everything’s going wrong: Forward!

So, it’s there on the fridge for all the days when I just need some kind of a map, and for all the days in between, my 25 Point Sanity Manifesto.

Forward!

The Grace Crafted Home

The Grace Crafted Home

The Grace Crafted Home

The Grace Crafted Home
The Grace Crafted Home

1. First things first: Word in. Work out. Work plan.

Open your eyes every morning and just do three first:

Word in: Get into God’s Word and let it get into you.

Work out: Work out. Even  5 minutes of moving is better than nothing. (baby steps! together we can do this!)

Work plan: Write out the work plan. And then work the plan.

2. “What a heart knows by heart is what a heart knows”

Write your memory verses on a sticky note, on a chalkboard, for your pocket.

Because when you are memorizing Scripture, quiet time with the Lord — becomes all the time. (Who doesn’t want that?)

3. Flame first.

Light a candle first thing in the morning.

So you remember: You are the light that is put on a stand so that it gives light to everyone in the house.

4. Your work is art: it needs a soundtrack.

Find your music.

Play your music.

Sing your music. This is profound.

Vincent van Gogh said: “When sailors have to move a heavy load or raise an anchor, they all sing together to keep them up and give them vim. That’s just what artists lack.”

5. Step on the Snake Before Breakfast

Before breakfast, crush one hard thing that is tempting you to think there are impossible things.

Before breakfast, crush that one thing and prove that all things are possible with God.

6. Stay in the pool

Michael Phelps said it in an interview: “You’ve just got to stay in the pool longer than others.”

Set the timer. Get in the pool. Stay in the pool. Do your work. Don’t get distracted. Don’t flit from one thing to another and back.

Don’t get out of the pool, don’t leave your work, until the timer goes. The way to win is to stay in the pool.

7. Clean a space = clear headspace

Keeping the workspace clean, clears your headspace to think.

8. Go Slow. Life Zone. Life isn’t an Emergency: It’s a gift.

Life isn’t an emergency. It’s a gift.

Life’s so extraordinary it warrants going slow, held in reverential awe.

Only the slow see their lives. Which makes it seem longer and richer.

9. Make Laughter Your Chocolate

The more you laugh, the longer you live. You can’t afford not to laugh more. Make laughter your chocolate.

10. No songs without rhythm

Every song needs a rhythm; every week needs a routine. Tie certain tasks to a day or another activity.

Always memorize after breakfast or always make a double batch of soup on Saturday.

Your life makes music when you play a string of tasks always together.

11. On 25, Take 5

For every 25 minutes “in the pool” working – take 5 minutes off. Live by pomodoros. Really. Life-changing.

12. Unplug to plug into your purpose

Only if you want to plug into peace and purpose and your big picture – then unplug for certain hours everyday.

Constant connectivity effects productivity like a marijuana high.

13.Watch Your Nos & Your Yeses will take Care of Themselves

Everything you say yes to, you say no to something else.

Are your yeses forcing you to say no to what really want to say yes to?

Don’t have guilt over a no – because every no is saying a better yes.

14. Daily Stillness Appointment

When is your 5 minute stillness appointment everyday?

Write that midday time in stone. No cancellations allowed. For 5 minutes midday, be still and cease striving.

Know He is God and the day looks very different.

Slow down: You only pass by this way once.

15. If the Heaven’s Declare, get out there.

The whole of the sky and the world is speaking endlessly of His glory.

When you step outside and listen, your soul revives. You need that.

You really need one walk outside a day. Even it’s just out the door to get the mail or walk the dog around the block or a walk around the yard before you have to get in the car.

16. Work on your Wall before Noon

Like Nehemiah who worked on rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem, build your wall, building whatever God has uniquely called you to — a particular work project, a creative project, homeschooling, homemaking, a ministry. Everyday before noon, work on your wall, laying down 3 stones before noon.

If you don’t intentionally work on your wall, the tyranny of the urgent can make your life a rubble heap.

17. Envision the End Goal

Like God gave Abraham a vision of the stars of the sky and told him he would have that many children, hang up a picture so you always have a vision of your goal.

18. Everyday, not Every Now and Then

Random acts of greatness pale in comparison to habitual acts of faithfulness.

It’s not what you do every now and then, but what you do everyday, that changes everything. 

Do something at the same time everyday and you find yourself a new person.

19. Hard Stops

The only way to get anywhere safely is to make complete stops.

Make hard, complete stops at set times throughout the day to pray. Otherwise you’re risking a crash.

9, 12, 3, on the hour, might be times to set an a gentle, chime alarm for – and just stop and pray.

Praying at set times throughout the day is how both Jesus and the early church lived their days: God marking time.

20. The Holy, Happiness Habit {Count Gifts}

Write down 3 things a day you are grateful for. Hunt for His glory. Look for the beauty. Count 1000 gifts.

All research says that giving thanks is guaranteed to make you 25% happier. Who. Doesn’t. Want. That.?

Thank Him for this is definitely God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Take the Joy Dare! Make right where you are your happy place.

21. Ebenezers for the Efforts

Mark little milestones! Celebrate! The little things!

A treat at the end of the day, end of the week, end of the project, end of the term.

Hang a bunting. Taste something sweet. Take a happy, thumbs up picture to mark your progress!

Make an album of a year, of the process, of the overcoming.

22. Father Affirmations

You need these everyday. Whisper them aloud, who you really are if you are IN Christ:

I am complete in Christ. Colossians 2:9-10

I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ. Hebrews 4:14-16

I am free from condemnation. Romans 8:1-2

I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances. Romans 8:28

I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God. Romans 8:31-39

I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me. Philippians 1:6

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

23. Breathe

Breathing in and breathing out like this will radically change the quality of your life. Breathe.

24. Hard and Bad Day? Hot Bath

An evening routine of a hot bath at the end of the hard and bad days?

Yes.

25. Rest so you can have the rest of God.

Sleep is more than your friend — it’s your God-given fuel.

Tomorrow always begins with the night before, so turn in early so tomorrow can turn out well.

 

 

 

 

Only the Good Stuff: Multivitamins for Your Weekend [01.12.19]

Happy, happy, happy weekend!

Some real, down in the bones JOY to celebrate today! Links & stories this week 100% guaranteed to make you smile a mile wide & believe like crazy in a Good God redeeming everything — and that there’s love everywhere & for ((you))! 

Serving up only the Good Stuff for you right here: 

Kyle Fredrickson 
Kyle Fredrickson 
Kyle Fredrickson

breathtaking views we just had to share … my soul needed this

10+ Popular Knitting Stitches You Can Learn for Free right here

best idea ever?!? how she repurposed an old decaying tree into something the whole neighborhood could enjoy!?

so they’re asking? what do you think of the backward books trend?

glory, glory, glory

The Nester

best: 3 Tips to a Wintry, January Home

love this: take one and give one

Balancing Act: She vowed to post a love note to a different person each day for a year. Mission accomplished.

“This was an experiment that absolutely altered the course of my life and the way I go through life…and it cost me nothing.”

… go ahead & make a way to dance today — the whole family of humanity, kinda made to dance…

Connect with your kids through books  thank you for this, Sally Lloyd-Jones

try it sometime: give in to giving

get unstuck: I’m Tired and Busy – How Do I Make Time for the Bible?

you’ve got to meet her – come see what she’s doing for others #BeTheGift #TheBrokenWay

because we all need a friend…

new & unlikely friendship formed after they both received a rare triple transplant surgery on the same day

kinda undone: a beautiful promise kept between a father and daughter

​ Lukasz Rados
​ Lukasz Rados 
​ Lukasz Rados  

how he took nature photos once a week for a year to improve his photography? stunning 

… yeah, this is love — because Love Lives Given #TheWayOfAbundance #TheBrokenWay

… this is deeply moved and the tears were a kind salve to aching, broken places

she shares some good good words right here

AMAZED at this – yes, yes, yes… we all have a story

Please don’t miss this…so powerful in so many ways:

God’s Grace…

Post of the week from these parts here

How to Live When You Don’t Know How Much Time You’ve Got

she’s preaching truth: one to revisit again and again and again

so yeah, he inspires all of us right here

simplyswenkalife / Instagram
pestridgefitandsimple / Instagram

How do you live a genuinely abundant life? 

In sixty vulnerably stories, the tender invitation of  The Way of Abundance moves you through your unspoken broken — into the abundant life.

 These soulful, fresh devotionals dare you to take the only way forward your soul really longs for — The Way of Abundance.

Pick up your own Way to Abundance & start your journey to the abundant life 

on repeat this week: Only Jesus…

[ Print’s FREE here: ]

…yes, I hear you: the problems ahead of you are great — but the God ahead of you is Greater.

“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because *God, your God, is striding ahead of you.* He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; He won’t leave you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 MSG

There’s the secret to being brave: Be awed by the God ahead of you & the fears will fall behind you.

[excerpted from our little Facebook family … come join us each day?]

‪ Dare to fully live!

That’s all for this weekend, friends.

Go slow. Be God-struck. Grant grace. Live Truth.

Give Thanks. Love well. Re – joy, re- joy, ‘re- joys’ again

Share Whatever Is Good. 

The Secret to Freedom — and it’s not what you’d expect

A brief conversation with her husband changed the trajectory of her life when he told her, “You don’t make our house a place I want to come home to.” Wendy Pope faced two choices: take the words to the God who loved her, or let the words take root in her heart and sprout bitter resentment toward the man she loved. In trusting God with the painful words, He taught her the life-changing disciplines of Yes to God which cultivates trust in God, No to Self that invites revelation from God, and Maybe to others that welcomes freedom with God. Wendy and Scott recently celebrated 27 years of marriage, are deeper in love than ever before and hold hands each night as they fall asleep. It’s a grace to welcome Wendy to the farm’s front porch today…

guest post by Wendy Pope

W

hat comes to mind when you hear the word freedom?

Go ahead and take a few minutes to think about it.

Perhaps patriotic images of flags and the pomp and circumstance of hometown parades celebrating a nation’s birth. Maybe the privilege to pursue personal dreams or express your ideas and opinions without restriction or interference. Possibly financial independence.

Freedom may mean life without confinement—unbound by bars, a diseased body, or physical abuse.

What if you considered the idea of freedom as freedom for something rather than freedom from something?

Freedom for something is applicable to everyone, no matter their circumstances. Even those who are experiencing financial limitations, physical restrictions, or any other encumbrances can live in freedom for.

Freedom for says what’s ahead of me is an opportunity rather than an obligation. There’s hope, possibility, and optimism in freedom for.

In Christ, we are free for many things, but my favorite is generous giving.

My daddy was a modest man who made a modest income. He never had ambitions to be rich and famous, have a financial portfolio, or have a fancy office with “CEO” on the office door. No, he only wanted a few dollars in his worn-out wallet, to be able to drive his truck until the wheels fell off, and to work hard every day until he physically could not.

He benevolently gave to anyone in need: hitchhikers (back in the day), the hungry, the poor, widows and children, church folks, and unchurched folks. In all the years I lived under his roof, I never knew my father to miss a tithe. My parents trusted God with their finances and generously gave to others.

Then Hurricane Hugo slammed the Carolinas on September 22, 1989. The devastation was horrific in our city. Debris lined the streets for weeks and neighbors rallied to help one another. My daddy was a general contractor, so when the city restored power and cleared the roads, the phone starting ringing.

One particular job he accepted changed our lives forever.

My father was up on the roof when he fell and broke his leg. It was the worst break the orthopedic surgeon had seen. His first recommendation was to amputate from the knee down. After prayer and lots of consultation, we opted for my dad to undergo a series of surgeries to repair his shattered ankle and badly broken leg to be followed by months of therapy with no guarantee of real success.

The doctor forecasted that my dad would not be able to return to work for at least one year, if ever.

Our family was without words—and an income. But we didn’t worry; God had always blessed the work of this hardworking carpenter.

Daddy was faithful to God, and we knew God would be faithful to us. We didn’t know how, but we knew Who.

Worker’s comp paid 30 percent of my daddy’s salary, but that was hardly enough to live on (my mom’s arthritis kept her out of the workforce). To help with expenses, I moved back home from college rather than living on campus. We did all we could to minimize our spending.

One evening while my mom was writing out the bills (these were the pay-by-check and snail-mail days), I noticed a check to our church. I questioned her, “Mom, why are you tithing? God knows Daddy isn’t working. Do you really think He still expects you to tithe?” Her reply: “You can’t out-give the Lord.”

It wasn’t long until I learned the reality of her words. While my parents faithfully continued to tithe on a reduced income, ten couples in our church committed for a year to cover the 70 percent income loss that worker’s comp did not pay. This is the greatest testimony of generous giving I’ve ever witnessed.

My parents gave exponentially, and it was given back exponentially.

We didn’t know how, but we knew Who.

When approached about giving, most people think about money. Some may think that if you don’t have money, then you have nothing to give.

However, generous giving means more than opening our wallets. While some have the financial means to give extraordinarily, others have talents and time they can offer.

Jesus is our best example of giving, don’t you think? He never collected a paycheck and didn’t own a home or anything of value.

Despite His meager means, He gave what He had: love, compassion, time, and of course, healing. Jesus spent time having dinner at His friends’ homes (Luke 10:38–42), as well as religious leaders who sought to discredit Him (7:36).

He invested time even with those who opposed Him.

Freedom for generous giving isn’t only about money.

Being a good steward of all that you have and having a willingness to make investments in the kingdom of God helps provide you with opportunities to give generously.

An investment of time and talents is just as valuable as money.

Consider babysitting for a young couple in your church who are financially unable to pay for a sitter. Invest in a relationship with a college student who is far from home and needs a little TLC. Offer to help in your community’s food bank on a weekly basis. Open your home to host a small group. Take a church bulletin to a shut-in and spend some time talking with her about the Sunday service.

An investment of time and talents is just as valuable as money.

Additionally, it’s not just about what you give; it’s about the heart behind the giving. God loves a cheerful giver (2 Cor. 9:7).

Put on a happy heart and a cheerful deposition what Jesus teaches in Luke 6:38, “Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

Freedom in Christ for generous giving motivates us to put down our phones and computers to develop real relationships that are unconcerned about likes, emojis, and memes.

Relationships nurtured in real time rather than FaceTime.

God loves a cheerful giver

Freedom for inspires us to double the recipe and share it with a neighbor or to buy two winter coats at the sale—one to keep and one to give away.

Freedom for helps us celebrate that we’re not consumed with freedom from something.

It allows us to joyfully embrace God’s economy, and trust Him to supply all our needs while we are assisting those need.

 

Wendy Pope lives in North Carolina with her husband Scott. They have two grown children who are following God’s calling for their lives. Wendy writes and speaks for Proverbs 31 Ministries. She the author of Yes, No and Maybe: Living With the God of Immeasurably More and Wait and See: Finding Peace in God’s Pause and Plans. She leads women to life change through her online study, Read Thru the Word, a study of the One Year Chronological Bible. 

Sometimes when life feels routine, we succumb to the weariness of every unfulfilled dream and unanswered prayer. When all the “unmets” of life surround you, do you wonder, Is this as good as it gets? In Yes, No, and Maybe, Wendy invites you to discover anew the call to live the life Jesus died to give—the immeasurably more life. God wants you to know the life He’s created for you. He longs to meet your hurts with His mercy, fill your emptiness with His love, and wash away your guilt with His grace.

With God, life gets better and better. The God of immeasurably more is waiting for you. Let go of what isn’t fulfilled in your life and embrace the immeasurably more life God has for you.

[ Our humble thanks to David C. Cook for their partnership today’s devotion ]

How to Live When You Don’t Know How Much Time You’ve Got [Pt. 1]

Yeah, who knows how long we’ve got?

Somebody answer us that.

Somebody get up on your tipsy soapbox and wring just that out of a grimy, holy world.

Tell us that we’ve got more than a few days — tell us — how long have we got.

Joy Prouty

Maybe if you told us that we had ten whole spins around the sun left, we’d be duped into thinking there was time to fritter away the breathing with flipping channels or flipping fingers or flipping lids, as if that ever made the living better instead of distastefully bitter.

Yeah, go ahead and rattle the door all you want, but there ain’t no one who is going to tell you how long you have. You’re going to have to figure out how to live without knowing when you die.

You’re going to have to get it: Death may be certain, but when it comes is uncertain, which is what makes the living gloriously uncertain — a choice.

Who knows if you’ve really got time to clean out the garage, or to read this endless news feed, or to pick up and move to Haiti and live your dream of spending the fleeting time holding the hands of forgotten ones.

The road ahead would seem obvious if you knew how much road ahead there was.

No one tells you that. No one tells you if you have just enough time to laugh till your belly hurts, one more time with the beautifully strange people you love, if you have time to pull their neck close and whisper hoarse in their ear that there aren’t enough words to say what a love like this has done to you.

No one tells you if you have enough time to try to change the world or just enough time to try change your own story.

No one can tell you how much time you’ve got for what matters. Only you can tell how much time you’ll make for what matters.

If you knew how much time you have to live, you’d know how to live.

But that is the thing: You don’t know how much time you have to live — so you have to make time to make the life you want to live.

No one can tell you how much time you’ve got for what matters. Only you can tell how much time you’ll make for what matters.

Everyone knows they will die. They just don’t know when. So forget about the when. Who cares when you die. The real question is: when will you start to live?

You already know: You will die. 

So the only question that remains is: Will you live?

The right question isn’t:

How many days do I get to live

but —

How am I living today?

Will you risk impossible things today so you remember how much you love the rush of real oxygen in your lungs, adrenaline in your veins?

Will you forget thinking there is no way out– only a way through? Sometimes the only way through is not taking the next step — it’s taking a wild leap of faith. Take it. Do it. Live it.

When will you lay there just to listen to the sound of him breathing in sleep beside you?

When will you memorize the way her hair feels as you stroke it back from her brow? When will you bend over the cup and inhale the steam of tea and breathe in living? When will you have time to walk in the woods with no place to go but looking up?

When will you be done with the armed way of living — the harmful way of living — when will you drop the arms you’ve crossed in front of you like some cynical shield, steeling you from really feeling?

When will you join the brave and move the crossed arms into open hands, into open hands to receive and really feel the glory that is called life as it falls into them—

How tears can fall like rain and wash your wounds right clean, how those wounds are beauty marks that make you one of the medalled warriors. How there is common grace everywhere but it is startling uncommon to taste it on the tip of your tongue or feel it pulse through you.

The question isn’t: H ow long have I got to live?

The point is simply: You got to live. You get to live. Today.

Do not spend the life you do have  — wishing for the life you don’t have.

There is snow clinging to window panes today.

There is breathing that can cling to sheer Glory today. Sheer Grace — sheer God.

Yeah, who knows —

What would happen if you treated everyone you met today as if they only had 12 hours left to live?

Somebody could answer their day with that.

I can hear it from the kitchen sink —

The hands on the clock ticking like a miracle about to detonate into sheer glory.

 

My own story —  of how to figure out how to live my one life…

Because your soul needs you to take the time to figure out how to live your one life

When Your Marriage & Close Relationships Veer: How to Take a You-Turn

Who hasn’t let unmet expectations with a friend or loved one go unattended until a once-revved relationship slowly stalls? All the more tempting is dodging conflict in the interest of maintaining a peaceful homelife, when the “friend or loved one” is our spouse. Which is why I’m grateful for Kimberly Miller’s real-life example of how she and her husband used a breakthrough approach that I have personally adopted to grow through conflict rather than allowing it to curb their marriage. Kim’s passion for harmonious relationships prompted her to start Leading Wholeheartedly, a ministry that helps Christian leaders cultivate their inner lives, resulting in more sustainable service to others. In her book, Boundaries for Your Soul, Kim explains how to befriend the sometimes challenging parts of ourselves, and others, to create wholeness within and without. I am thrilled to welcome Kim back to the farm’s front porch today. . .

guest post by Kimberly Miller 

It was a busy season in our marriage. My husband, Ken, was writing under a tight deadline, and I was preparing to lead a soul-care retreat.

While we focused on these commitments, our stack of unopened mail grew higher and higher. 

On my way to and from the coffeemaker each day, I eyed it with growing aggravation.

And just like that, there was tension between us.

A part of me insisted that someone take action—I couldn’t focus on my retreat preparation until this administrative mission had been accomplished. The mail was cluttering our kitchen and my mind. And to make matters worse, Ken didn’t seem troubled at all.

After much stewing, my reformer part (the part of me that wants to improve everything and everyone) sought out an opportunity to settle the matter and waited for the right moment. Sure enough, one morning Ken smiled kindly and said, “Your birthday’s coming up, and I’m wondering what you would like this year.”

“I’d like you to help me with the mail for one hour,” I instantly replied.

From the bewildered look on his face, I could see that a part of Ken wasn’t at all enthused by my idea for a birthday present.

“How about I take you out for a romantic dinner?” he responded cautiously.

And just like that, there was tension between us.

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit within prompted me to take what I call a You-Turn.

First, I turned my attention inward and realized a part of me was anxious about the growing pile of mail that wasn’t magically disappearing. I got curious about this part of my soul and came to appreciate my fear that Ken and I might overlook some important letter or bill.

Befriending and gaining compassion for my worry, I invited Jesus to draw near.

I handed over to Him my fear and received peace in exchange. In partnership with God’s Spirit, I began to think about how to speak with Ken moving forward.

As a result of my You-Turn, I was able to speak on behalf of my fear with intentionality instead of being reactive.

The next evening, I waited in the kitchen for Ken to come home from work. When he walked in the door, he held open his arms for a hug. “Honey,” I said, “I’m sorry. I love you and know you love me. And a part of me is feeling anxious that some things aren’t getting done.”

Once he understood that a part of me was feeling anxious, we were able to conquer the mountain of mail together! We felt more connected to each other and, from that place, were able to clarify our respective responsibilities at home.

This experience reminded me that, when problem-solving, it’s crucial to develop emotional awareness and share new discoveries with the ones I love.

Speaking on behalf of my worry freed us to enjoy working together—and to be reminded all over again that we make a great team!

One useful habit to develop with a close friend or spouse is simply to agree that when one of you feels anxiety, or any other challenging emotion, you’ll say, “Just a moment, please. I’m taking a You-Turn.”

This simple practice works well for Ken and me. As a result, instead of experiencing one another’s reaction with the burden of having to figure out what it’s about and how to deal with it, we engage in our own process of reflection. Then we can speak more clearly and lovingly to one another.

As you gain perspective about a part of your soul that has overtaken you, such as one carrying worry, anger, grief, or insecurity, you’ll be able to connect more genuinely with that emotion or belief.

As a result of your self-awareness, you’ll find you communicate more effectively with others too. And loving communication is just one of the many ways that caring for your soul helps you spread the love of Christ to those around you.

Whenever you face tension in your marriage – or within any close relationship for that matter – you can take a You-Turn to gain clarity and perspective and improve your ability to communicate effectively.

A You-Turn is the process of looking within to bring overwhelming parts of your soul under the leadership of your Holy Spirit-led self. 

As a result of your self-awareness, you’ll find you communicate more effectively with others too.

Taking a You-Turn helps you speak with intentionality and care instead of reacting to or avoiding a difficult situation. It also helps you move from seeing your thoughts and feelings as the problem to seeing them as part of the solution.

The Five Steps of Taking a You-Turn are:

Step 1: Focus on an overwhelming part of yourself.

Step 2: Befriend this part you don’t like.

Step 3: Invite Jesus to draw near.

Step 4: Unburden this weary part.

Step 5: Integrate it into your internal landscape.

Every day—in my personal life and the lives of my clients—I see the benefits of  using The 5 Steps of Taking a You-Turn.

And I’m confident that you will, too, when you use this method.

As we begin 2019, you can turn your overwhelming thoughts and feelings into your greatest allies and become the most peaceful person you know.

Welcome to the New Year . . . and new you!

 

Kimberly J. Miller, MTh, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in helping leaders avoid burnout. Prior to working as a counselor, she served as a campus minister with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at Harvard University and worked with a micro-enterprise organization serving farmers in Central America.

The story she shares today is from her newly released book, Boundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies, in which Kim shows you how to calm the chaos within. This groundbreaking approach will help you know what to do when you feel overwhelmed; transform your guilt, anxiety, sadness, and fear into strengths; welcome God into the troubling parts of your soul; and move from doubt and conflict to confidence and peace.

Boundaries for Your Soul includes relatable anecdotes, helpful exercises, an engaging quiz, and opportunities for personal reflection. Gathering the wisdom from the authors’ twenty-five years of combined advanced education, biblical studies, and clinical practice, this book will set you on a journey to become the loving, authentic, joyful person you were created to be. I’m telling you, this is truly a phenomenal book – one to slowly read.

[ Our humble thanks to Thomas Nelson for their partnership in today’s devotion ]

Only the Good Stuff: Multivitamins for Your Weekend [01.05.19]

Happy, happy, happy weekend!

Some real, down in the bones JOY to celebrate today! Links & stories this week 100% guaranteed to make you smile a mile wide & believe like crazy in a Good God redeeming everything — and that there’s love everywhere & for ((you))! 

Serving up only the Good Stuff for you right here:

Matt Trivett 
Matt Trivett 
Matt Trivett 

the whole earth is full of His glory!

so what do you think? best job ever?!

3 Reasons to Read the  Bible Everyday in 2019

For the working mamas who have felt the tension/guilt of juggling work, home, and family?

 Stretched Too Thin is a life-giving resource and is just $1.99 right now

Joy, grief and a handwritten letter bring two families together.

“Family is everything, and if you don’t have faith you don’t have anything…”

come meet the man who’s diving through time

On the Experience of Entering a Bookstore in Your Forties (vs. Your Twenties)

… on the meaning of books as you grow older

this is really something: Meet an incredible student and his special coach, who both work to instill leadership, character, and love not only in their locker room but also their community

52 Ideas for Inviting Someone to Church this Year

at 65? she’s doing some amazing things:

“If I think that I’m getting afraid to be old… then I can’t live” 

Phillip Haumesser Photography / FB / IG
Phillip Haumesser Photography / FB / IG
Phillip Haumesser Photography / FB / IG

don’t you just want to get outside and enjoy the wonder of your weekend!?!

they’re riding 10,000 miles to build schools for those in need of education

could not love this more: Foster grandparents volunteer and share their love at schools

what his father taught him about getting through the hard times

kinda undone: after being diagnosed with a fatal illness, he’s dedicating whatever time he has left to giving bikes to underprivileged children

Remembering Tyler Trent, the inspiring Purdue fan

his courage in the face of mortality & his message of gratitude in the midst of his struggle inspired a nation

2019 is here!

Maybe in this new year, we all just need the gift of Joy… a bit of Hope? To stand together — FOR each other — knowing that an act of kindness, giving it forward, can be more powerful than any sword in starting movements that move us all toward Love.

Want the gift of light breaking into all the broken places, into all the places that feel kinda abandoned?  These pages are for you. It’s possible — abundant joy is always possible, especially for you.  Break free with the tender beauty of The Broken Way & Be The Gift …

And if you grab a copy of Be The Gift?  We will immediately email you a link to a FREE gift of THE WHOLE 12 MONTH *Intentional* Acts of Givenness #BeTheGIFT Calendar to download and print from home or at your local print shop!  Just let us know that you ordered Be The Gift  over here.

You only get one life to love well.

Pick up Be The Gift & live the life you’ve longed to this year

He is your guide, He is your advocate, He will never leave you nor will He forsake you! Amen and Amen.

thank you for these words, Priscilla Shirer

The Most Important Skill that Your 2019 Really Needs

almost unbelievable: because we all need to be rescued

too good to miss: forTomorrow – a poem by Joel McKerrow

so many tears: how he describes his late wife to this sketch artist?

Photo Credit: Julie Falk

Post of the week from these parts here

… so early on the first day of a fresh new year, when I walk fields dusted with snow, all I can keep thinking of is Joan of Arc who knew her time was short, so she laid it all down with one prayer: “I shall only last a year; use me as you can.”

Count me in:

How an Abolitionist, Joan of Arc & a Full Moon Taught Me How to Show Up For a Meaningful Life [Day 1, Part 1]

Alcohol, Tragedy and the Legacy of Philip Lutzenkirchen

on repeat this week: Is He Worthy? He is…

[ Print’s FREE here: ]

…there’s a whole bunch of us marching along private battles nobody knows about, climbing hard mountains that nobody sees, wrestling tough things that nobody has any idea about. Maybe you need to hear this too? You’re not alone: He sees you.

So you simply purpose to pray, and simply pray for perseverance — today’s your very own clean slate of fresh possibilities — pray, persevere, do your hard & holy things…. He already sees you as perfect in Him — you’re already more than okay.

And Sometimes? Doing the most important thing eternally – doesn’t look like you are doing anything noticeably.

But this is all that ever matters:

God always sees and He will always see to the matter.

Because the thing is — In a new year, the only hope of a new me, is only Christ in me.

And He is always there with you.

[excerpted from our little Facebook family … come join us each day?]

‪ Dare to fully live!

That’s all for this weekend, friends.

Go slow. Be God-struck. Grant grace. Live Truth.

Give Thanks. Love well. Re – joy, re- joy, ‘re- joys’ again

Share Whatever Is Good. 

When God Calls You Out of Hiding

I first met Michelle DeRusha a couple feet away from where Beth Moore was lifting Jesus high. We were two honest women who came to a conference, who’ve grown into the deepness of the questions and found God present and as enveloping and as real as air. A phenomenal writer with blazing courage, Michelle is a Brave truth-teller and unwavering Christ-dweller who writes authentic, honest, robust, life-changing words with an ear always turned toward truth and grace and Him. When she visited Tuscany as part of a writers’ retreat a few years ago, she hoped to refill her creative well and perhaps uncover a solution to her chronic vocational unrest. What she didn’t expect was to travel halfway around the world in order to confront her deepest brokenness. Here Michelle writes about why God yearns for us to step out of hiding, and how, in doing so, we take the first step toward becoming our whole, true selves. It’s a grace to welcome Michelle to the farm’s front porch today…

guest post by Michelle DeRusha

It was Sunday morning, the Sabbath. Early the evening before, I’d arrived at a stunningly beautiful villa in the heart of Tuscany for a spiritual writers’ retreat.

Following breakfast, our spiritual director had dismissed us into the garden, journals in hand, to reflect and write.

“What does it mean for you that rest is found in God?” he’d prompted us. “What does it mean that we are restless when we are away from Him?”

I didn’t know who I was, period, because I didn’t know who I was in God.

Settling into a grassy spot beneath a grove of trees, I slipped off my sandals, opened my journal and wrote a single sentence:

“I don’t have rest in my life because I don’t have rest in God.”

 And with that single sentence written in my own cursive on the blank page before me, I suddenly knew the truth:

I didn’t have rest in my life because I didn’t have rest in God.

I didn’t have clarity in my vocation because I didn’t know who I was in God.

I  didn’t know who I was, period, because I didn’t know who I was in God.

In an instant I knew in my heart, mind, and marrow that everything, everything, begins with our relationship with God. And in an instant my heart broke, because I knew the truth:

I didn’t know who I was in God because I didn’t know God Himself.

I thought I’d come to Tuscany to find answers to my vocational unrest and to refill my creative and spiritual wells.

But the truth revealed to me that Sabbath morning was that I’d come to Tuscany to recognize, confront, and name my deepest brokenness.

Joy Prouty

In the Gospel of Luke we meet a woman who has suffered from incessant bleeding for 12 years. Desperate for a cure, Luke tells us, she slips in between the throngs of people who have gathered for a glimpse of the one proclaimed to be the Messiah.

Unnoticed, the bleeding woman reaches out and grazes the hem of Jesus’ robe with her fingertips.

We don’t trust that God loves us enough to accept our whole flawed and broken selves.

Jesus, feeling His power go out from Him, searches the crowd, demanding to know who touched Him.

And then, Luke offers us a detail, a small but important insight into who this woman was:

“When the woman realized that she couldn’t remain hidden, she knelt trembling before him. In front of all the people, she blurted out her story—why she touched him and how at that same moment she was healed.” (Luke 8:47, Msg.).

“When the woman realized that she couldn’t remain hidden…she blurted out her story.”

Like the bleeding woman in Luke’s gospel, we, too, try to hide our worst selves, our shadow sides, our most broken parts from God. We hide our whole selves, not only because we feel ashamed and unworthy of love, but also because we don’t trust God’s goodness.

We don’t trust that God loves us enough to accept our whole flawed and broken selves.

And so we hedge our bets. We reveal only parts of our story, bits and pieces of our true selves, keeping our worst fears and our deepest sins hidden, not only from ourselves but from the One who knows us inside and out.

Fear and distrust prevent us from answering God’s invitation into intimacy and healing.

“We are not good at recognizing illusions,” Thomas Merton wrote, “least of all the ones we have about ourselves – the ones we are born with and which feed the roots of sin.”

I am a master at deception, and there is no one I have deceived more than myself. I refused to face my deepest flaws and my darkest sins because I was afraid they were unforgiveable and made me unredeemable and unlovable.

Like Adam and Eve in the garden, I hid among the trees. I used the dense metaphorical foliage of my life – busyness, distraction, social media, my to-do list, and, above all, my striving to achieve, succeed, and please– to shield myself from both my deepest sins and my deepest desires.

I didn’t realize it that morning, but my revelation under the Tuscan trees was a confession of sorts.

In that moment I saw myself as I was, and I named it in God’s presence.

Like the bleeding woman who only confessed when she realized she could not remain hidden, I knew, in that moment, that I could no longer stay hidden, that I had, in fact, never been hidden.

For the first time I saw my sin – that I didn’t know God, and worse, distrusted Him – as well as my deepest desire – that I yearned to know God and to love and trust Him with all my heart, mind and soul. 

For the first time in my life I understood that relationship with God is the foundation of everything. 

I saw that all things — intimacy in marriage, parenting, and friendships; relationship to community; vocation; knowledge of self — are built on knowing and being in relationship with God.

I saw that my identity as a child of God is everything. I saw that without that, I have nothing; without that, I am nothing.

I finally named not only my brokenness but my desire to be whole.

It could be that there is a piece of yourself or your story that is inhibiting you from understanding and stepping into your true identity as a beloved child of God.

It may not be doubt or unbelief keeping you from experiencing the fullness of God’s presence, like it was (and sometimes, if I am totally honest, still is) for me.

It may be something different altogether – perhaps a past wound, a deep fear, a lack of trust, or a need for control.

But the beautiful truth is that God is calling you, like He called the hemorrhaging woman, to step out of hiding – to recognize and confront yourself as you really are and name it in God’s presence.

God is calling you to kneel before Him, to name your deepest brokenness and to receive His infinite love.

 

Michelle DeRusha lives with her husband, Brad, their two teenage boys and their Corgi-Beagle in Lincoln, Nebraska. She is the author of four books, including Katharina and Martin Luther: The Radical Marriage of a Runaway Nun and a Renegade Monk, which was a finalist in the Biography and Memoir category for the 2018 Christian Book Awards.

Many of us are bent on producing and achieving, striving and hustling for our self-worth. Beneath this relentless drive churns a deep yearning to uncover our true selves and our purpose in this world. Gardeners familiar with the technique called “pruning open” know that the secret to healthy plants and trees lies in subtracting rather than adding. Similarly, we begin to flourish as we let go of our false selves and allow God to prune us open.

Through compelling stories and insightful research, Michelle’s latest book, True You: Letting Go of Your False Self to Uncover the Person God Created, helps readers exhausted by the do-more, be-more expectations of our culture declutter their hearts, minds and souls; let go of false identities; and grow in their relationships, vocations, communities and intimacy with God.

[ Our humble thanks to Baker for their partnership in today’s devotion ]