Tembi Locke's Blog, page 3

NEVER HAVE I EVER

Last fall, I auditioned for a new Netflix show that was then untitled. My agents told me it was the creative brainchild of Mindy Kaling and that it was based on her life as a teen. That was enough to make me want to get to the casting office ASAP. Of course, I wanted to be a part of that! Mindy is someone I have admired for years. So when the audition went well and I booked the job, I was thrilled.

My first day on set I knew this show was unlike any other. The diversity, both in front of and behind the camera, was unlike anything I had ever seen in more than twenty years in Hollywood. Women of color with leading and rich storylines that informed and entertained. The scripts were funny, the creative collaboration was refreshing. And I loved working closely with Lee Rodriguez, “Fabiola,” who plays my teen daughter. I was in a dream work scenario for the three days I worked (and laughed my ass off) on the show. 

Yet, I had no idea that six months later, while the world would be quarantined in a global pandemic, that this show (now tilted Never Have I Ever) would drop on Netflix and become number one in the world in a matter of days. That is a career first for me. 

And as I sat down to stream it with my teenage daughter, I knew we were watching something magical. We are laughing and crying. She was seeing characters she could relate to, storylines that intersected with her own experience. As her actress mom, she had feedback for how my character was “so wrong and annoying” but then loved my character when she supported her daughter at a critical moment. We had lots of discussions about the show and by the final episode both satisfied and desperately wanting more. 

I am so proud to be part of this show, to contribute to something that is changing the way the world sees itself. But mostly, I am honored to be part of a show that is talking about grief in a way that reflects its many faces/stages/perspectives.  If you haven’t checked it, give it a try. I hope you laugh and cry and see part of you in every character.  

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One Year Anniversary of From Scratch

Fate and coincidence had already conspired to change the course of my life. But for this one moment frozen in time, I was only aware of the spring Italian light filtering onto my shoulder and keeping my eyes open to the camera.

I went back to this picture many times while writing From Scratch. I tried to fill in the details just out of frame (the furniture in the room; what was cooking on the stove; sounds from the street below). I tried to pull fragments of memory forward, languish in them or crack the mystery of how life unfolds. When I look at this picture now, I see someone at the beginning of a beautiful journey. I know she will take two big leaps: the one that led me to Italy and the one that led me to write the story as I remembered. From Scratch turns one today. So you can bet I’m gonna make sure the girl in the picture gets cake and Prosecco.

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The Sicilian Pantry Guide

Cooking can be one way we slow down to experience some personal creativity and resilience in a delicious way. So I’ve combined my favorite pantry essentials, some good-for-the-soul Sicilian favorites recipes, as well as my cookbook recommendations so everyone can find their own favorites. Plus, this little gem is a primer for cooking any recipe in From Scratch. Look for more resources and tips to come! Mailing list subscribers, you’ll see this in your inbox. And if you’re not yet a subscriber, just sign up for your FREE COPY here. We’ve made it easy for you to view online or use an easy printable version so that you can start cooking right away.

Buon Appetito!

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“Saudade” – That Sweet Sense of Nostalgia

I’ve been thinking about this Portuguese word that expresses the somewhat melancholic feeling of incompleteness. It speaks to a feeling of thinking back on situations and feeling the absence of someone or something. It is the sense that you have moved away from a place or thing; the feeling of the absence of a set of particular and desirable experiences and pleasures once lived. Yet, simultaneously saudade also carries positive emotions about the future while still sensing that a thing we had before may never be experienced again.

I am writing to you from my home in Los Angeles on Day 14 of a self-quarantining and I have been thinking about “saudade” a lot. Past the early dizzying days of preparing for life quarantined at home, we are settling into the basics of cooking everyday and getting used to working in our pajamas. Now we are asking new questions. How will I stay healthy (mentally and physically) as I watch the world rapidly change around me? How will I keep my young child healthy (mentally and physically). I worry about my parents in Texas, my grandmother, and my relatives in Italy. Through it all, there is a feeling of “saudade,” a beautiful word for which there is no direct English translation.

Right now there is a real awareness of the small and big things around us. I have seen people walking in observation of the natural world around them – the birds, the flowers blooming, cloud formations in the sky. People are sharing seeds. My neighbor left batteries on our side step. We gave him a roll of toilet paper when the local stores were all out. Our interdependence is undeniable. And now that we have stopped the endless frantic movement we have called life, we have the space to stop and pay attention to another life that is and has been happening all around us. But that we had lost sight of. We see each other, our shared humanity. And once again, lovingly we pay attention to the natural world, the immense living organism we call Earth, with wonder and awe, knowing that we are part of its interdependent, ecological legacy.

Yet, underneath it all is a sense of “saudade” and grief. 

Nearly six weeks ago, we had a visitor come to the Netflix writer’s room of From Scratch. I invited her to hold space for our team as we delved deeper and deeper into the book to bring the story to screen. I understood that in telling one human story on a very large canvas it would touch aspects of all our personal stories, starting with the writers in the room. I felt each of us needed to be held up and supported in different ways as we did the work at hand. So Maria, my friend, advisor and healing practitioner came to see us. 

She said, “This story is needed now more than ever because the world is in pain.” Then, she said something that stuck with me. “No one alive on the planet has lived through a time like this.” Her words rang true somewhere deep inside. Again, this was more than five weeks ago, before Italy’s shut down. News of the virus was just starting to eek out from China. We were still trying to process the fires in Australia. The idea of a global pandemic had not fully entered anyone’s consciousness in America. Still, her words stuck with me. She was telling us, a group of writers, to stand grounded as storytellers with open, wild hearts as we met an ever changing world.

No one alive has seen a pandemic in the time of globalization. Let alone one that plays out digitally and in real time every day through handheld devices. We have not experienced the fear for the immediate health of our families and friends on this scale, ever. We have never had to cease having human contact. We have not had our systems threatened or had to stand in the stark reality that there is no safety net for the most vulnerable of our societies. This grief is palpable. We must acknowledge it. Name it. Call it. Speak it. We must do so so that we can be present for what is – the pain and joy in all its forms. Acceptance and naming is where, ultimately, we will stand in our greatest awareness, power and potentiality. It is where we can make a difference, first in our lives, and then in a world on the mend.

I’ll be writing more in the days and weeks to come. But for now, I want to simply begin at the beginning. I want to share some tips on how we might keep our souls healthy as well as cultivate and deepen our own resilience at this critical time. As someone who has spent much of the last nearly twenty years very aware of illness, vulnerability, uncertainty and grief, the one thing I can assure you is that our resilience is present with us each day. And while our awareness of it and connection to it will ebb and flow day-to-day, (Hello, we are human!) IT IS PRESENT. We just have to lean into it. 

So here are some ways to gently invite ourselves to plug into our own wellness and resilience. Because when the immediate day-to-day urgency of this painful moment in humanity is done, the world will need us to share our stories of resilience. We will need to tell the tale of what we did to see ourselves through. I know that as a writer, a mom, a sister and a friend. A day will come when we will rise from this pain, step into our open hearts and sing our song of survival. It will be a song for the people who will come behind us. Because, dare I say, that out of this time there may in fact come the potentiality for a kind and quality of abundance and love not previously seen. 

 Here are some wonderful tips for this time:

Create a new at-home, self care routine
Make an altar or create a sacred space
Make time to go outside, safely
Eat lunch and FaceTime with a friend
Lean into family time by creating one new shared family ritual 
Make time to slow down
Make time to respect our fellow citizens
Make time to respect the planet
Make time to feel all your feelings

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A Reflection On Love

In the midst of it all, there is also love… Four years ago, when I met this handsome guy for a simple coffee, I had no idea my life would change so deeply. That it would bend in a new direction, toward the arc of new love. At the time, I was hesitant. I wasn’t sure I believed in the possibility of love in a life that was still so unformed. My heart was quivering. And nothing about starting over felt easy or certain. Yet, I was drawn to his openness, his intelligence and infectious curiosity. He made me laugh. Out loud.

As our connection grew, I was moved by the way he held my heart gently and cautiously as I took time to reimagine life. BUT what transformed everything was watching the beautiful and patient way he let Zoela know that it was okay to take her time to make space for him in her life when she was ready. He showed me he is a warrior of the heart. And since then, he has held my hand through the ups and downs of life, grief, parenting, writing a book, and even that time we got stuck in choppy waters on a catamaran half a mile from shore. He is adventurous. He gives freely, loves loyally, and laughs easily. His bravery is immense, his kindness is steadfast and unflappable. How very, very honored I am to have a place in his big, roomy heart.

Our joy is immense, even with all that is unfolding in the world. I share this personal milestone for every reader of mine who has walked a similar path and wondered if there is more. Everyone’s “more” means something different and beautiful. But more of any kind of connected love is a good thing. Especially as we draw closer to the people and things that matter most.

So here’s to this present moment and creating a new blended life that honors our pasts while building a future that is ours for the making.

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2020 Audie Awards

Recently,  I was in NYC for the 2020 Audie Awards, and I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around all of the phenomenal talent gathered in one room at one time. When I began to write From Scratch, I focused intensely on sharing my story through the written, but being able to share my book in an oral story of my experience was immensely rewarding.  I tried to tell as though I were simply talking to a friend. And the overwhelming responses from readers has been an unexpected and glorious surprise. 

I am forever grateful to Simon and Schuster for their support, but my greatest thanks is to Randy and Tim, who sat with me day after day as I poured my soul into the microphone and read my truth. Their careful attention to both detail and to my heart made it one the best and most unforgettable experiences of my life. 

Audiobooks are changing how we, as readers, engage in story and books. They inspire, and connect. They allow a reader, to become a listener, and an author the opportunity to open another dimension of their story. Truly, the world is a better place because of the reach and power of audiobooks. To be able to be considered in the same company as Michelle Obama, Elton John, Stacey Chin, and Andrew Rannells, was a moment that I will cherish forever. Thank you, From Scratch readers, and listeners, for your continued support and filling my heart with immense joy.

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From Scratch Paperback Tour

It’s paperback tour time and what a month it has been! If I thought it was exciting the first go around, I had no idea that launching the paperback could be just as fun. Maybe even more so. I am less nervous, more at ease, and, frankly, I have figured out how to properly pack my suitcase.

For Nonna

Four days ago, I said goodbye to one of the most beautiful loves in my life, my mother-in-law. She passed away at home, after a few months of declining health. She was surrounded by her daughter, her cousin and the women of a community who stood side-by-side for a lifetime of life changes. She was at peace in the very place where she was born. Her life was, by some accounts small, but I’d say it was rich in all the ways that matter.

I am bereft and in these early days a little unmoored. However, I am grateful that on the morning of her last day, I got to tell her how much I love her. She got to hear her granddaughter’s voice. We got to say goodbye.  If not in person, in heart and in spirit.

Readers will know how charged this loss is for me and for Zoela. We have lost a pillar. You can imagine we will spend many days, months and years to come trying to integrate it and also hold onto her incredible life force. For now, we are going easy. For now, we are trying to imagine this world without her voice, her care, her wisdom, her loving embrace, and of course, the incredible way she expressed her love through the language of food and meals meant to heal and fortify.

I ask for your light and love.

I ask that you send it to Sicily, to a beautiful cobblestoned street in Aliminusa. To my sister-in-law, Franca and my nieces. But, I also ask that we celebrate Nonna’s life by returning her example of love and multiplying it by a thousand times in acts of grace and forgiveness. That is what she did. Always.

Xo, -t

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The season of light

As we close out the year and the decade, I can’t think of a better time to go deep into our hearts to search for that which connects, ignites, excites, and pulls us toward love – all forms of love. The season of light is a great time to slow down and reflect on the things, people and experiences that feed our soul. It’s a great time to honor the hunger for LOVE.

I recently found an old journal from the end of another decade and reading it gave me a powerful new understanding of dreams and love. The year was 1999 and we weren’t just changing decades, we were closing out the century and the millenium. In that journal, I wrote a list of “goals.” The list was varied, but buried within it were the words “publish a book.” At the time, I was thinking about a book of photographs on my travels to Sicily.

The idea of a memoir never entered my mind. 

Well, the next decade came and went and that book never got published. Instead, life happened in other ways. Creative highs and lows, personal trials and triumphs. My husband was diagnosed. I became a caregiver and then a mother. I worked as an actor and when that was threatened, I signed up for a creative writing class at UCLA Extension.

I see now that I was following my instinct, following my heart, even through darkness. 

By 2017, eighteen years after the journal entry, I felt ready to explore that earlier dream and “publish a book.” Writing was a way to pull myself forward toward the light while also reaching back for a dream. From Scratch is the manifestation of that pulling and reaching. And it is proof that where dreams and love are concerned, there is no timeline. 

As the new year and new decade approach, I know much will change. We will have joys and losses. Our paths will meander and, at times, even become obscured. But I believe the guideposts will be there and so will that voice deep inside. We just have to listen. We just have to stay open, be nimble, seek connection, and follow the hunger for love – in all its forms. That is what makes life beautiful and surprising. 

So here’s to the season of light, new beginnings and to the dreams that dream back at us.

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Goodreads Best Book of 2019

When I began writing From Scratch, I wrote to make sense of big, beautiful raw experience. Having never so much as published an essay before, the daring leap to write a book-length memoir was an act of bravery. Yet, it wasn’t bravery that I was thinking of each day when I put pen to paper. At the top of my mind was one question: why might this one personal story matter to anyone else? But as I began to gather years of writings, journals and letters to craft the book, I kept telling myself that within this one story were elements of everyone’s story of love, grief, hope, forgiveness and family. 

Now, From Scratch, is a finalist as one of Goodreads Best Book of 2019. It has touched many people in a way I could never have imagined. I can only give a heart-felt “grazie” to readers everywhere, especially to all the book clubs across the nation (and internationally) who have selected it to share and discuss. Thank you all for reading, sharing and gifting this book. I feel so honored to have been invited into your lives.  XO – T.

Ps – To learn more about the great books nominated this year, visit Goodreads . Voting in all categories ends December 2nd.

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