Trina Spillman's Blog, page 7

Pay Me to Go Away

Open Letter to Congress Regarding the Budget: I am reaching out to anyone that can help me with something I like to call Pay Me to Go Away. I know it is a little tongue and cheek, but I couldn’t figure out what else to call it. It is a plan that would be available to American citizens that have paid into social security for 30+ years. This plan would permit those individuals to cash out their social security early. Specifically, if folks take advantage of the early payout option, they would be allowed to cash out what they have paid in, and the government would keep the corporate match. Same goes with Medicare. This may actually save social security some money moving forward and prolong the viability of this social safety net. I haven’t been able to do a cost benefit analysis on this idea, but maybe it can be passed along to see if it is fiscally feasible. Sincerely, A really hopeful 53 year old

Creating a Cottage Industry (Article #3): You Smell Good!

Perfume is a classic gift, but it's even better if the perfume you give is a scent that you created yourself, especially if you package it in a beautiful bottle. Perfume you make yourself is free from synthetic chemicals and is fully customized to your personal taste. Perfume consists of a mixture of essential oils in a base oil, together with alcohol and water. When shopping for the oils, be sure to compare prices as cost varies widely depending on where you purchase the oils. Here is how to make your own perfume. Ingredients • 1/2 ounce jojoba oil or sweet almond oil • 2-1/2 ounces alcohol (e.g., vodka, ethanol) • 2 tablespoons spring water or distilled water (not tap water) • coffee filter • dark-colored glass bottle • 25 drops essential oils (recommended scents appear below) • 7 drops base note essential oils • 7 drops middle note essential oils • 6-7 drops top note essential oils • couple of drops of bridge notes (optional) The essential oils that you use form the basis of your perfume. These essential oils are called the “notes” of the perfume. The base notes are the part of the perfume that lasts the longest on your skin. The middle notes evaporate a little more quickly. The top notes are the most volatile and disperse first. Bridge notes have intermediate evaporation rates and serve to tie a scent together. Sometimes other substances are added to a perfume, such as sea salt (ocean scent), black pepper (spicy), camphor, and vetiver. Since the essential oils evaporate at different rates, the way a perfume smells changes over time as you wear it. Examples of common base, middle, top, and bridge notes include: • Base notes: cedarwood, cinnamon, patchouli, sandalwood, vanilla, moss, lichen, fern • Middle notes: clove, geranium, lemongrass, neroli, nutmeg, ylang-ylang • Top notes: bergamot, jasmine, lavender, lemon, lime, neroli, orchid, rose • Bridge notes: vanilla, lavender The order in which you mix your ingredients is important, since it will affect the scent. Always record the process by which you created (or changed) your mix, so that you can reproduce the result you want. Directions 1. Add the jojoba oil or sweet almond oil to the bottle. 2. Add the essential oils in the following order: the base notes, followed by the middle notes, then finally the top notes. Add a couple of drops of bridge notes, if desired. 3. Add 2-1/2 ounces of alcohol. 4. Shake the bottle for a couple of minutes, then let it sit for 48 hours to 6 weeks. The scent will change over time, becoming strongest around 6 weeks. 5. When the scent is where you want it to be, add 2 tablespoons of spring water to the perfume. Shake the bottle to mix the perfume, then, filtering it through a coffee filter, pour it into its final bottle. Ideally, this will be a dark bottle with minimal airspace, since light and exposure to air degrade many essential oils. 6. You can pour a little perfume into a decorative bottle, but in general, store your perfume in a dark sealed bottle, away from heat and light. 7. Label your creation. Again, it's a good idea to record how you made the perfume, in case you want to duplicate it. Perfumery Notes It takes experimentation to get the scent you want, but you can get started in the right direction by keeping in mind the type of scent associated with essential oils: • Earthy: patchouli, vetiver • Floral: geranium, jasmine, neroli, rose, violet, ylang-ylang • Fruity: bergamot, grapefruit, lemon, lemongrass, lime, mandarin, orange • Herbal: angelica, basil, chamomile, clary sage, lavender, peppermint, rosemary • Sea: sea salt • Spicy: black pepper, cardamom, cinnamon, clove, coriander, ginger, juniper, nutmeg • Woodsy: cassia, cedar, cypress, pine, sandalwood If the perfume is too strong, you can dilute it with more water. If you want your perfume to retain its scent longer, add a tablespoon of glycerin to the perfume mixture.

Best Easter Knock Knock Joke of All Time

I have told my children this joke every year for the past 20 plus years. Telling this joke is an annoying tradition only a parent can appreciate. Share often! Knock Knock Who’s there? Ether Ether who? Ether Bunny! Knock Knock Who’s there? Cargo Cargo who? Cargo beep beep and run over the Ether Bunny! Knock Knock Who’s there? Boo Boo who? Don’t cry, Ether Bunny is okay. He’ll be back next year!

Forgive Me, Father, for I Have Sinned

In previous articles, we have examined the role humor has played in shaping our history. It is undeniable that we often use laughter as a means of coping with the horrors of everyday life. Our psychic make-up is often confronted with things it simply can’t handle and processes the information in a way that is palatable to the human brain. Humor is often the remedy to reality. Jokes help human beings cope. Case in point? Catholic jokes, specifically, are intended to poke fun at priests and their sexual activities. One could argue these jokes were a plea from the abused and were told to unmask the truth, and yes, I am going there. So, if you are easily offended by disparaging catholic jokes, STOP READING. If, however, you went to a catholic school, heard these jokes back in the day and were not offended by them, then read on. Joke #1 How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy. Joke #2 A priest was hearing confession and had to take a piss. He saw a janitor by
the altar and waved him over. He asked the janitor to hear any
confessions that came in while he went to take a piss. Before exiting the
confessional, the priest handed the janitor an index card listing various
sins and corresponding penances. The janitor had just sat down when a
young teen girl entered the confessional and began, “Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned. My boyfriend and I have had oral sex.
The janitor looked on the index card for blow job, but there was nothing
listed. The girl continued, “And we have had anal sex.” The janitor looks down at the card and scans the list for butt fuck, and
again, sees nothing. He doesn’t know what to do, so he sticks his head out
of the confessional and looks around. He sees an altar boy and waves him
over and whispers, “Hey, what does the priest usually give for a butt fuck
and a blow job?” Without missing a beat, he replies, “Two candy bars and a
soda.” These jokes are in no way an approval of the horrific deeds many priests have perpetrated throughout the … dare I say … centuries. But through the use of humor, we humans are able to cope with unspeakable pain and tragedy, and in some instances, humor is the catalyst for change. Let the jokes shine a light on the improprieties of the day so no one else has to suffer them.