John Harrell's Blog, page 28

Fakin’ It

You have probably heard the saying, “fake it until you make it.” From my observation, there are a lot of people who are faking their way through life.

People put up false fronts, acting as if everything is fine when, in reality, they are falling apart. The sudden death of a loved one, an unexpected divorce or a debilitating accident can throw people off their game. No one gets through this life without struggle.

There was a woman in prison who told me her two daughters committed suicide. The young girls had been sexually molested by her ex-husband. I stood directly in front of her and said, “I’m sorry. None of this was your fault or your daughter’s fault.” The woman kinda brushed it aside and said, it’s no big deal. I made her look at me and told her, it is a big deal. The pain you’re carrying is inconceivable to me, and I’m truly sorry. She looked at me and said, you’re right. This is the first time I’ve really acknowledged it.

I recognized what she was doing by brushing it aside because in my past, I have done the same thing. I have healed from a lot. She is just getting started.

This is an opportunity for me to give you my constant reminder to be kind. We don’t know what people are faking it through…

Don’t Tell Me!

No one likes to be bossed around or told what to do. Our rebellious nature kicks in and we resist.

Let’s take a moment to consider the disciples of Jesus. They witnessed countless miracles including bringing the dead back to life, calming a storm and curing a leper. The front row seat they occupied must have been mind blowing! Yet, they took it upon themselves to tell Jesus what to do. In one instance, Peter told Jesus to stop talking about being killed and rising on the third day. Jesus told him to “get behind me, Satan!” Jesus wasn’t making casual conversation.

We like to tell God what to do, too. We ask Him for selfish, material things, or for someone to like us back. Yet, God takes it all in. He never laughs at us or punishes us for being ridiculous. Nope. He just keeps on supplying our needs.

Instead of telling God what we want, why don’t we try trusting Him to give us good things? God gives us what He knows we need, which might not be what we want.

Trust Him. He is good…

Practical Atheism

We just finished celebrating Christmas which, along with Easter, is the largest day of attendance in church. A sense of obligation brings some people in, but we are failing at keeping them.

It’s estimated that anywhere from 4% to 30% of people in the United States don’t believe in God. Surveys can show wide and varied differences, and these are no different. The truth is, only God knows who believes in Him. But there’s more!

How we act is a representation of our belief or disbelief. Worry is practical atheism. We worry because we want to be in control and not allow some unseen god to take the reins. We might be looking through the wrong lens. Having faith in an invisible spirit is real faith. We know God is in control so we don’t have to be.

Judgment, treating others as less than equal, and laying guilt trips on people is in opposition of how our Creator acts. By doing so, aren’t we holding God’s character in contempt?

Going to church won’t make you a believer. If you go for the wrong reason, it might make you resentful. Go because you want to. Nothing else is necessary.

And remember, God looks at the heart of mankind. He knows everything, and that’s a good thing…

False Hope

We live in a materialistic society. Whoever has the most toys wins, right? Wrong.

As my life has progressed and I have grown, I have learned a few things. In my early adult life I chased money, believing it would bring me what I was looking for. But it never satisfied me. I wanted more. My hope for peace and purpose was misplaced.

The 17th century philosopher, Blaise Pascal wrote “that everyone has a God-shaped vacuum in their heart.” It can only be filled with God. I have learned that what he wrote is true. In my wrestling matches with God, when I let go and let God, I win. Every. Single. Time. It’s the letting go of my desire to control that’s hard.

I ask you, what are you placing your hopes in? If what you’ve been doing hasn’t worked, give God a try. You won’t be disappointed.

I promise…

Next!

Now that Christmas is over, you may put the stress of the holidays behind you. Now we begin the week before the new year. This time of year has its own set of challenges.

There’s much to do, right? Return gifts that don’t fit, put a tree away, and get those New Years Resolutions written down. More stress! But it doesn’t have to be difficult.

Start by doing the next thing. Then the next. Just keep going because your list will continue to have things added to it. Need to make a change in your life? Start now. Make the change your next thing to accomplish.

If you start to miss the stress, don’t forget. Christmas is coming…

Christmas Cheer

I love to laugh and to make others laugh. I find that a lot of life is full of humor. And laughter is good for us. It burns calories without having to go to the gym!

Some people are having a difficult time finding anything to laugh about, and Christmas cheer isn’t waiting for them in their stockings. They have suffered losses and setbacks. It takes time to heal from the pain. It can’t be forced.

If you know someone who might be alone this year, reach out to them. Let them know they are in your thoughts. Your small gesture might put a smile on their face.

Speaking of laughter, here is an old SNL clip that always makes me laugh. Peace to all…

Freebies

You have heard the saying, “there’s no such thing as a free lunch.” It’s true. Everything in life has to be earned. One of my favorite politicians to pick on believes the government should pay for everything. Someone has to make the money to provide for whatever government benefits he wants to provide. You see, the government doesn’t generate a single dollar of revenue.

Retail stores offer “buy one get one free” to entice you into the store. The store might actually lose money on the offer, but figure people will buy more things while they are in the store. It must be a successful business model because stores continue to make the offer.

It’s important to remember, everything in life that has value requires work. Everything. Mental health, physical fitness, and solid relationships are brought to life by our commitment to making them happen. There is no other way.

Decide what is important to you. Then commit to making it happen. You will encounter difficulties along the road. But it’s hard to defeat a person who refuses to quit…

Nearby When You Need It

All of us have things in our past we would love to forget. The mistakes we’ve made, the things we have said we wished we hadn’t. All of them play on a never ending loop in our heads.

At the same time, there are more things we did right, and we continue doing them. We aren’t constantly reminded of them because they don’t induce stress. Yet, stress isn’t always a bad thing.

I grew up in a constant “fight or flight” way of thinking. My mind created coping mechanisms so I could survive. Over time, those coping mechanisms ceased to serve me well. At that point I was kinda lost. I was living in an adult world with no adult skills. Only by the grace of God I made it through.

In 2010 I found the right psychotherapist and I went to work on myself. Over time, I learned what the root causes were of my decision making. Only then did I remove the root and began making better, healthier decisions. It has been challenging, but man I have grown immensely.

The past remains in the past. It’s always nearby if I need it, but its only use is as a reminder of how far I have come. I’m still working on myself because that never stops.

Do the work…

Unspoken Stories

This week I have been doing volunteer speaking in seven Texas prisons. Some of the stories the men and women tell about their lives are unthinkable. Physical, emotional and sexual abuse are common to many of the inmates. But there is hope…

The State of Texas criminal justice system is designed to give inmates a path forward. An inmate can become a cosmetologist, a barber, even a nurse, courtesy of the state. The state believes in them while many in society have rejected them. Over the past couple of years I’ve had the privilege to speak to thousands. Many life stories will stay with me forever.

One of the truths I share with prisoners is that when they leave, they need to walk out with their heads held high and their shoulders back. They have done what the State of Texas required of them. Yet, there are people who will reject them because they are convicted felons. Some will throw their past in their faces and try to keep them down. Those aren’t their people.

There are a lot of good people in the world. You gotta look hard to find them, but they are there.

Be good…

Homebodies

I love going out and being the life of the party. Always have. I have never met a stranger and I can usually find a way to connect with everyone I encounter.

Yet I truly enjoy being home. The inner peace of being home is like no other. With the rapid pace of the holidays upon us, it is getting harder to find peace in the world. We all need peace and quiet in our lives, no matter how outgoing we are.

I encourage you to find a few peaceful moments during your day. Perhaps it’s the very early morning before your day gets moving. Make time for yourself.

Make your home a refuge. Enjoy it…