C.K. Robertson's Blog, page 18

Best Mental Health Books

Hello Readers & Friends,

If you read my summary of my holiday reads, you'll see I was less-than-impressed with John Green's Turtles All The Way Down. The book held a lot of promise with an interesting and unique lead character who had severe problems with OCD and anxiety, but in the end fell flat for me, thanks to a total lack of storyline.

I wanted to write a post sharing some of my favourite reads that have mental health themes in them.


1. Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig
Reasons To Stay Alive is a wonderful first-hand account written by Matt Haig. (I also recommend following him on Twitter.) He is a brilliant spokesperson for mental health in men, and his book is a funny recount of his own journey with depression - and how he made it out the other side.

2. Some Kind of Happiness by Claire Legrand
Known for her recent Furyborn release, Legrand actually wrote Some Kind Of Happiness for a much younger audience. It was recommended to me by bookish pal Morgan Vega,  and follows the story of a young girl suffering from anxiety and how she combats it when faced with grown-up problems. I only wish I had read this when I was in primary school.

3. A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
Shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize, this book is a heart-breakingly bleak and realistic story about the depths of depression and the eternal struggles it brings. A devastating read, you can't put it down but every page rips out your heart. You don't read this to enjoy it, you read it to experience it, and the story follows Jude and his three best friends, Malcolm, Willem and JB as they grow old and try to stay together through all life throws at them. 

4. Playing With The Grown-Ups by Sophie Dahl
I picked this up at a £1 bookstore without realising Sophie was the grandaughter of Roald Dahl. (More fool me.) It's a very dark book in a very light cover - not to be underestimated. It follows the story of a young girl with a beautiful, eccentric and mentally unstable mother. It's a very sad story told through the eyes of the girl who doesn't quite understand everything and sees her life and her mother through rose-tinted glasses. 

5. Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella
Known for the lighthearted Shopaholic series (who doesn't love Becky Bloomwood?), Finding Audrey is for a younger audience and is a modern-day romance story between Audrey, who suffers from extreme panic attacks and anxiety. It's charming, it's cute, and it comes bearing hope.
Everyone can enjoy this, even if they can't relate with Audrey's anxiety.

Have you read any good mental health books recently? Let me know!

Ultimate Autumn Reading Playlist

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Hello Readers & Friends!

I know it's been a while but I've been on holiday in Cambodia (stay tuned for the vlog!) And am coming back to London fully ready for Autumn!

This is my acoustic chilled out playlist for listening to with a cup of hot chocolate, a good book and a blanket. Rain outside preferable for the atmosphere, obviously.


Roo Panes - Tiger Striped SkySlightly more upbeat for this playlist, I just love his voice and the melody of this song. It's so lovely and perfect for sitting with a hot brew.



Passenger - Feather on the ClydeWhen I found out someone I went to school with was dating Passenger I lost my mind because this is one of my all-time favourite cosy day songs.



The Brent Flood - Whatever Gets Me WarmI used to work for Jack Wills HQ and this song was used in an early Jack Autumn collection video, so it always makes me think of Autumn in Scotland where it was filmed.



Regina Spektor - UsI discovered this song in my all-time favourite Rom-com, 500 Days of Summer ( a cinematic masterpiece.) It's more upbeat and produced than the other songs on this playlist, but I love it.



Kate Nash - BirdsI know nobody listens to Kate anymore but I actually think Birds is one of her most underrated and unknown songs and it's so beautiful and I love the story it tells.



John Mayor - Free FallinYou can't have an acoustic autumn playlist without John Mayor, right?!



Jamie Campbell Bower - WaitingEver since I watched TMI JCB has been my one and only blonde haired crush. I really love this song and how imperfect his voice is.



Angus & Julia Stone - Wish I Had a Mango TreeWhen I was a teenager I used to be really into making videos (before YouTube was a thing) and I made an autumnal montage to this song after a boozy sleepover at my friend Jack's house. It's so happy and autumny.



Renee Dominique - What a Wonderful World x Can't Help Falling In Love I love finding indie artists on YouTube and this mashup of two of my favourite songs is amazing.



Korantemaa - PhotosynthesisAnother favourite of mine that is an indie YT artist. I also love her song By The Time You Finish Your Coffee if you want to check that out too.



Katy Perry - Thinking Of YouAnother artist I prefer in acoustic than pop, this is my favourite version of any of Katy's songs.



Asleep - The SmithsOne of my favourite songs since Perks of Being a Wallflower made it so big. Good as a finisher to the playlist before you go to bed.

Holiday Reading Reviews

Hi readers & friends!

As you all know, I have spent the last couple of weeks in Cambodia! (Full holiday post, picture diary and vlog to come, so stay tuned :) ) Whilst away I managed to sink my teeth into 9 books, which has really helped me hit on-track for my GoodReads challenge.

I started using GoodReads super late in the year and set the target of 56 books in 2018. Because I started late and added books in from the start of the year based on memory, I may have forgotten some and actually be further ahead in my challenge thank I think I am, but for now I'm on track to hit 56 by the end of the year!
 So, here are my reviews.


 The Wife Between Us by Greer Hendricks - 3* I picked this up at the airport as I love a thriller. It was okay - but just okay. It spends the whole synopsis and blurb really selling it in as a 'completely shocking twist you would never expect' and the whole USP is supposed to be that it's completely shocking and unexpected. However, it was literally almost a carbon-copy of all popular thriller's from the last few years, such as Girl on the Train and The Couple Next Door. It was good, and if it hadn't sold itself as being completely different and shocking I would have enjoyed it more but it raised my expectations with the back cover and didn't come close to fulfilling them. I left this at a bookswap stand in a hostel.

To All The Boys I've Loved Before, PS. I Still Love You and Always and Forever, Lara Jean, by Jenny Han - 4* I finally got around to reading TATBILB trilogy. I have to say, I enjoyed them much more than the film and gave them 4* purely because I enjoyed them enough to keep reading the next book in the trilogy. It was such easy reading, there was no depth or difficulty and it was just a nice, predictable storyline. The characters were much more likeable and 3-dimensional in the books than in the film, and by the end I felt like I knew the whole family. Plus, I developed a bit of a crush on Peter Kavinsky. Like everyone else in the world.



 Alex, Approximately by Jenn Bennet - 3* I really loved Bennet's other YA contemporary love stories, but something about Alex, Approximately just didn't click with me. I didn't like the characters as much as in her other books and the story was just a little boring for me. It reminded me of a cross between a Nicholas Sparks film (particularly The Last Song, but not as good) and Endless Love with Alex Pettyfer. Take from that what you will.#

 The Child Thief by Bella Forrest - 3*I love Bella Forrest's YA fantasy books, particularly The Gender Games and The Girl Who Dared series. However, for me, The Child Thief didn't really hit the spot like her other books. The world building just wasn't as strong. The concept is about a world where the rich buy children from the poor, and is (of course) controlled by a power-hungry government. The main character was pretty unmemorable, the main hunk is basically a replica of Viggo from The Gender Games and I feel like she took all the tropes and characters from her other stories and mashed them together to create a new series. I finished it and was entertained, but wouldn't pick up the second.

 A Totally Awkward Love Story by Tom Ellen and Lucy Ivison - 3* Bought this mostly for the cute cover, but enjoyed it. Read it in one sitting on the flight back. It was as much a book about friendship as it was a love story, but if you're after a romantic comedy as I was, the cover and title is a little misleading. There is some romance, but it's not very good. I found myself more invested in the relationship of the main character, Hannah, and her BFF/Frenemy, Stella, than I was with Sam, the love-interest.

 Shatter Me by There Mafi - 4* I FINALLY got to read this and have to say, I loved it and can't wait to finish the series. The only reason I gave it 4 and not 5 stars is because there was serious insta-love between the two main characters at the start. Sure, they went to school together and were both secretly in love with each other despite never speaking and then end up together again which isn't at all coincidental/creepy and are STILL in love 3 years later despite never speaking? Not for me. But the world-building is good, the main villain is well-rounded and written and the main storyline is really exciting and interesting. Can't wait to read the next.


 Turtles A ll the Way Down by John Green - 2*I have such a love/hate relationship with John Green. I love love LOVE Looking For Alaska and I enjoyed Paper Towns but could never get into An Abundance of Katherines (didn't finish), and again, Turtles All The Way Down for me was a failure. I loved that it focused on mental health and took a new look at OCD and anxiety disorder, and I think the main character could really have created an amazing story. Unfortunately, that's just what was missing. There was no storyline whatsoever. There was no character development for any of the characters and literally NOTHING HAPPENED?! I got to the end thinking, what was that entire book even written about? Wouldn't recommend, even for John Green fans :(

 What genres do you like to read most on holiday? C x

5 Autumn Films to Watch Now

Hi Readers & Friends,

Today is a different sort of post. I wanted to create a playlist of the best Autumnal films to cosy up with. When I think of Autumn I think blankets, hot chocolates, mulled wine, films and general hygge.
These are the films I'll be rewatching over the next couple of weeks.


THE FANTASY"For in dreams, we enter a world that is entirely our own."
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. The Halloween scenes, the pumpkins, the autumnal colour palette... I already watched this again at the weekend and it was great.

THE INDIE "Her new boyfriend has an incredibly long neck. Just thinking about giraffes makes me angry."
Submarine is an independent film set in the UK about a boy and a girl... it's a strange coming of age film, but it's classic dry British humour and I love it.




THE DRAMA"If you ride like lightning, you're going to crash like thunder."
Place Beyond The Pines is a dark and heavy watch, filled with raw emotions and an amazing performance by Ryan Gosling. Overall, family is the key theme here.



THE ROMANCE"Live boldly. Push yourself. Don't settle."
Me Before You is another British film with an abundance of crazy autumn jumpers. About a girl who becomes a carer for a disabled man. Have the tissues at the ready - I knew what I was in for having read the book but it's still an emotional ride.



THE HORROR"I'm just a happy camper! Rockin' and a-rollin'"
American Psycho - Another classic recreation, this time based on Brett Easton Ellis's novel. It keeps your head spinning the entire way through - Patrick Bareman is the ultimate psychopathic character.


THE ANIMATION"One of those slovenly farmers is probably wearing my tail for a necktie."
Fantastic Mr Fox. I had to include a Wes Anderson film. Infamous for his aesthetic and colour palettes, this rework of Roald Dahl's wiley story is perfect for anyone who enjoys exciting visuals, whilst retaining Anderson's strange and slightly creepy signature touch.

Fan Art - Architctural Images

I'm just writing a quick post today because I wanted to share some beautiful images created for me by architcture-genius, Charlie Pye!
Charlie contacted me because he wanted to create some scenery scape-shots for me and I loved them so much I had to share them with you all.

 
This image is one of my favourites. He used photographs he had taken from his travels as the backdrop and built the structures around them - this is exactly how I envision the shoreline in the Lornelands looking like. A super tech-forward nation with a lot of destruction as well as huge metallic scrapers and buildings. 
 
This is his interpreation of the Drorlands, which I really like. It's a lot more  realistic than I had envisioned it, as I was basing it on fantasy artwork images I had sourced on Pinterest so envisioned it with many more levels and a lot more higgle-dy piggle-dy, but I love how he has managed to create it in a real-life scenario for me, in a practical rather than fatastical way.
I hope you all enjoy them as much as I do :)

How To: Know if Bookstagram Is Right For You

 
Hi Readers & Friends,

Many of you won't know that I used to have a fashion blog and Instagram account. I used it in the typical #Fblogger way, sharing outfit posts and new purchases.
I really hated it.
I deleted it at Christmas time to focus on my mental health and was a little wary about starting up a Bookstagram account, but it has been completely different, and I know it was the right thing for me to do.
Here is how I know Bookstagram is right for me:


1. The CommunityThis is just speaking from personal experience, and I know many people in the fashion blogging world may have a totally different view, but I found the fashion community very competitive, fake and two-faced, particularly amongst the influencer-level bloggers with over 15k followers.
Since the day I joined Bookstagram and across all channels from Twitter to IG to YT, I've found nothing but support, interactions and authentic engagements. It feels like we're all working together and supporting each other without competition or judgement, and I really love that and value it. (It's much better for mental health!)

2. The Numbers.Before I used to stress about the numbers, the algorithms, how I could increase my following and trying to follow the filter-trends to ensure I was up-to-date and people would follow me.
Now I post pictures I like, with the filters I like, and never really think about the numbers. (Other than to get excited when I realise more people are following!)
I've seen a lot of Tweets recently of people saying they're 'leaving the bookstagram community because they are just one small voice and they feel alone', but I honestly think that if you are only in it to get a large following you will never succeed. You have to love what you're doing and do it because you enjoy it, not because you care what other people think and because you want followers.
As for feeling alone... the more you engage with others, the more engagement you'll get back! (See Pt.1)

3. My Lifestyle.I would rather spend my money on a book than a top. I don't really follow the trends with fashion anymore, and I definitely don't have time to parade the streets of London with a photographer to take shots of me pretending I don't feel as self-conscious as I do. My fashion blog wasn't real life, my bookstagram is.
Taking some pictures on my bed with a glass of wine, music playing and making pretty flatlays? Well, that's something I can get on board with.
 4. Authenticity. The fashion market is becoming over-saturated with #AD and fake captions people are writing becasue they're being paid £500 for a picture of them holding up a shampoo bottle they've never used before. (Trust me, I used to work in influencer marketing, I know.)
Bookstagram is so real. You get good book reviews, bad book reviews, a plethora of opinions, and as long as you're not just being mean or rude, every opinion is valid and counts. It's a wonderful place to have a voice, and to be true to yourself and what you think. It's much less materialistic, narcissistic, and it's not about the money. And I love that.

Summary.Do it because you love it. Don't stress over the numbers. Do it how you want, when you want, and if you're doing it to make money, to compete, to be the best, to be noticed... then it's probably not for you.

So here we are today, and this is the last time you will see a blog post with my old fashion shots included.




My old fashion blog lives on, but it's now an online diary to discuss mental health and holidays. :)
To check out my new instagram full of books and love, click here.

Good luck! xx

Book Review: A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

I don't usually read adult contemporaries, but A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara was gifted to me by my friend Renais who assured me it would 'change my life.' Despite a relatively slow start, after around a third I was hooked. This book opened and shattered my heart all at once.  I was gripped, horrified, and hatefully devastated by every aspect of it.
I told Renais I can't say I enjoyed it, but I experienced it. Jude's story will stay with me my whole life. A heartbreakingly emotional story of friendship, love, abuse and self-loathing, beautifully written in what I believe is a true modern classic masterpiece.
I would recommend this as a one-time read to anyone.
Due to the fact that I cried at the end, that as a writer the prose inspired me, and that am still thinking about it (and probably still will be months later), I have to give it 4.5 stars.

However, there were things that I didn't like so much, which I will go on to discuss now.
*SPOILERS AHEAD*

CHARACTER DEPTH
 There was an inconsistency in character depth which I'm not sure was intentional or not. Jude was a deeply complex character, and by the end of the book I felt everything he felt, understood every thought he had and believed every reaction he expressed. Other secondary characters had *good* development, particularly JB, Caleb and Brother Luke.
All other characters seemed to fall by the wayside, including ones who were huge parts in the storyline, particularly Malcolm, Dr Traylor and Willem.

**Serious spoilers ahead.**

- What part did Malcolm play other than the rich heterosexual who designed their homes whenever they moved in somewhere, allowing for beautiful descriptions of the surroundings? When he died, did anyone really care?

- Brushing aside the fact that, realistically, how much bad luck and how many paedophiles can one person run into in their lifetime, what was the deal with Dr Traylor? Why was this random psychopath just lying around in wait? Why did he run Jude over? What were his motives? What was his personality? What was his back story? He was just killed off in one quick sentence, as though swept under the carpet as irrelevant, to be forgotten about, despite being the cause for much of Jude's turmoil.

- Willem, arguably the second protagonist of the entire story, had absolutely no personality! All he did was act as Jude's noble caretaker, obsessed with Jude and selflessly in love with him. Every single decision he made was based on Jude, he had no thoughts for himself, no desires for himself, no real personality. When he died, I didn't cry because Willem was dead, I cried because JUDE was upset that Willem was dead. How can one protagonist be so deeply written that I feel his every qualm and the other so poorly written that I don't care if he's gone?!

- Whilst we had a couple of realistic villains such as Caleb and Brother Luke, Dr. Traylor was so out-of-this-world black and white evil that it felt out of place in the story. If he had more backstory perhaps this would have given him more credibility. He felt shoe-horned in to explain Jude's injuries.


 REPETITIVE NATURE
When a book is 700 pages long, there is usually a valid reason for it to be so meaty. This book had reason, but I do believe a big chunk of repetetive scenes could have been erased. Jude's constant self-harming, and constant apologising, mostly.  
At one point I felt so frustrated I wanted to throw the book at the wall. If you're really sorry, Jude, STOP DOING IT AND SAYING YOU'RE SORRY! And if I was feeling this frustrated, surely all his friends, his doctor, would feel the same way and have him committed or disgard him as too emotionally draining to be friends with? The unwavering support from his friendship group, whilst the warming side of what is a very dark story, is too unrealistic. One or two friends, perhaps, but an entire group of grown and married people who have known him for over thirty years of self-abuse and just stand by as enablers? It was frustrating.

LACK OF WOMEN
There are no women in the book, save for Julia, who seems to serve no real role other than being Harold's wife. She has barely any lines or scenes of note in the entire story. Whilst this usually wouldn't bother me if it made sense for the story, in this case, it really, really doesn't.  
Someone who has grown up his entire life being abused by men would surely feel some sort of safety or be drawn to women in some shape or form.
The story really misses a trick with looking into his maternal desires, his relationship with Julia, his relationships with women full stop. It seems strange that he would continue surrounding himself with men and avoiding women, when women have never been the ones to cause him suffering. 

NOW, THINGS I LIKED... DIVERSITY
This book is wonderfully diverse, and I do believe that it does justice for the majority of the characters. We have blacks, asians, mixed race characters. Gay and heterosexual characters. And this is reflective of the real world.

HONESTY
The book is painfully, bleakly honest. This is what makes it so emotional. It doesn't glamorize sexual abuse, or suffering, or self-harm. It just tells it how it is, and that is what is so damning and dark about it all. It's talking about things most people want to turn their heads away from, and it does so with such sad truth that it's painful to read. It talks about all the things everybody else is too scared to feature as a key plotline, from suicide to rape. And it does so in the most respectful way.

EMOTIONS
You will feel emotions when you read this book, and is that not the point of all stories? To engage the reader, to make them feel something? You cannot read this book and not feel something, whether it's sorrow or repulsion, hatred or empathy. You will feel something.

SHOP ENMITY!

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SHOP PAPERBACK

Available exclusively on Amazon

Enmity e-reader out for pre-order

 
Hi Readers and Friends,

I'm VERY excited to share that Enmity is out for pre-order on Kindle! Paperback out this Saturday 4th, so pop it in your calendars ;)

I have always, always wanted to write a book and I can't believe it's finally going to be out there for other people to enjoy. I hope you all like it and stick with me through my journey, I can only get better from here and am working through the sequel to make sure the character development and storyline only gets stronger.

YALC 2018

Yesterday I went to YALC for the first time. I hadn't even known it existed before discovering Bookstagram / bookish communities online, so I had no idea whatsoever on what to expect. Luckily I read some blog posts with tips, so I packed food and water with me and took a backpack, but it was still a SUPER long day and I was hot and sweaty and gross. It was in Kensington, which is one of my favourite parts of London so it was nice. 

Whereas I felt the majority of people there were book-lovers and there to shop and meet authors, I was on a bit of a different wavelength. I really HATE queuing and don't really celebretize writers so I wasn't interested in the signings. What I was really excited about were the talks and workshops, which were really brilliant for any aspiring authors. I heard helpful talks from literary agents, publishers and authors and took my notebook and jotted down a load of tips. It was also really great for meeting other aspiring writers and was a nice motivator to keep on going. 

I was blown away by how friendly everybody was and how open to starting random conversations people were. I am a little bit uncomfortable speaking with strangers and I get a little awkward but people were so friendly it made it all much easier. I had a small bout of anxiety when I (stupidly) decided with my free hour between talks to head down to the film and comic-con floor... It was HEAVING and I couldn't get out once I was in and I was surrounded by people in costumes (I've never understood cosplay or why sober adults like costumes) and loud music and had a little panic, but once I got back up to the book floor there was a 'calm space' with bean bags where you could read so I had a little calm down and then everything was fine again. 
The highlight was seeing Khal Drogo, who walked right past during the talk with Giovanna and Tom Fletcher (yes teenage me was singing McFly in my head on repeat) about Eve Of Man. I was so excited I grabbed the girl beside me and there was a collective gasp from the audience. Giovanna actually stopped speaking and said, 'Who was that handsome man?!' to which she was responded to by screams of 'JASON MOMOA!' I can attest that he is just as big and handsome in person as he was in all our dreams. I can speak about the experience in extreme detail to anybody who wants to know. 

Jason Mamoa just waved at me & I actual have to go sit down. Books who? This is why I’m at @yalc_uk