Bob Neils's Blog, page 2
September 9, 2019
On the Pain of Freedom and Pleasure of Fantasy
First of all, please allow me to apologize to everyone for my absence this past month or so. To those of you who reached out, you have my sincerest gratitude for your kindness and your concern. I was not in a place where I could appreciate it at the time, much less feign a happy response, but knowing you cared really did help pull me through.
It's been difficult, and I probably haven't dealt with the changes as well as I should have, but I needed to be alone to process things.
Pushed to An End
As some of you already know, my Transsexual Mistress, my Shemale Goddess, the woman who collared me and caged me and made me hers (if you've read From Cuckold to Collar, you've met her in all her glory), had a family emergency earlier this year. She dropped everything and flew back across the Atlantic Ocean to take care of her parents, both of whom had major health issues. That was hard, but I understood.
Although her mother's health is greatly improved and her father, at least, isn't getting any worse, Mistress advised me last month that she has chosen NOT to return to Canada. As part of her officially (and tearfully, for both of us) releasing me from service, she airmailed me her key, had me remove my chastity cage, and then had me ship back my cage, her key, and my collar. It wasn't that she didn't want me to have them, it was that she didn't want me obligated by them, holding onto some dream that she'd eventually return. She felt a clean break was necessary, and I can understand that now, even if I chafed against it at the time.
Understanding or no, I have never felt so naked nor so alone. Instead of celebrating the one-year anniversary of my slavery and my chastity, I've been set free . . . and it sucks. There's no polite way to put it. It sucks, and I hate it, and I would do anything to change it. Even when she was an ocean away, I still had her collar, still wore her cage, still felt owned, even if I couldn't serve and be useful.
Choosing a New Beginning
Going off by myself was my way of preventing myself from doing anything stupid and reckless. I'm not talking about self-harming, no worries there, more like wanting to indulge in an unsafe marathon of unprotected cock and anonymous loads of cum. Those gangbang bukkake fantasies were not about feeling worthless or hopeless, but about indulging a craving. As I explained to one friend, it's like coming off a strict diet - you just know that one taste of cake is going to lead to all the cake and all the cookies and all the donuts and all the candy.
Mistress approved me to serve two people during her absence, and it was great, but it was still like sneaking a snack, and now that I was off the diet, I wanted to feast.
The worst part, the weirdest part, has been the end to my chastity streak. My friends have tried to make light of the situation, asking how many times I've jerked off or rubbed one out, and the honest answer is None. Zero times. Never. Not at all . The last year confirmed everything I ever suspected about being a submissive bottom. That is who I've always been and what I will always be.
It's not the same as being caged at someone else's command, but I am going to order my own cage and self-lock. I like symbolism and I like occasions I can celebrate, so I figure I'll start all over again for locktober and then (safely) explore the community around me. A little time and distance has allowed me to realize this is not an end, but a new beginning.
Indulging in Fantasy
With real-life both too painful and too boring to make for an exciting story right now, I've been straying deeper into my imagination, looking for the trigger or the hook to begin writing again. The good news is I've found it, in two places, so there should be new stories coming soon.
The first is a rather long story, probably novella length, about absolute submission and straight-to-gay training. It's a story with some darkness, but I really like it, and I think the overall arc the main character undergoes is well worth it. I've been stuck on it for ages, not quite sure the why was strong enough, but now that I've figured that out, I just need to edit the story to carry the new motivation through. It's been a lot of fun writing a story where a straight man is a willing and motivated participant in his conversion.
The second is a shorter story, totally a fetish and fantasy piece, that started out with a married couple breaking down and coming to a strange farm for help. I've talked about the concept with a few of my beta readers, who didn't quite get what I was going for, so I've gone back to the drawing board and realized it works so much better if it's two middle-aged men out to mourn the death of one wife and celebrate the divorce of the other. More straight-to-gay stuff here, chastity, extreme bondage, and . . . my god, so much cum!
It's been difficult, and I probably haven't dealt with the changes as well as I should have, but I needed to be alone to process things.
Pushed to An End
As some of you already know, my Transsexual Mistress, my Shemale Goddess, the woman who collared me and caged me and made me hers (if you've read From Cuckold to Collar, you've met her in all her glory), had a family emergency earlier this year. She dropped everything and flew back across the Atlantic Ocean to take care of her parents, both of whom had major health issues. That was hard, but I understood.Although her mother's health is greatly improved and her father, at least, isn't getting any worse, Mistress advised me last month that she has chosen NOT to return to Canada. As part of her officially (and tearfully, for both of us) releasing me from service, she airmailed me her key, had me remove my chastity cage, and then had me ship back my cage, her key, and my collar. It wasn't that she didn't want me to have them, it was that she didn't want me obligated by them, holding onto some dream that she'd eventually return. She felt a clean break was necessary, and I can understand that now, even if I chafed against it at the time.
Understanding or no, I have never felt so naked nor so alone. Instead of celebrating the one-year anniversary of my slavery and my chastity, I've been set free . . . and it sucks. There's no polite way to put it. It sucks, and I hate it, and I would do anything to change it. Even when she was an ocean away, I still had her collar, still wore her cage, still felt owned, even if I couldn't serve and be useful.
Choosing a New Beginning
Going off by myself was my way of preventing myself from doing anything stupid and reckless. I'm not talking about self-harming, no worries there, more like wanting to indulge in an unsafe marathon of unprotected cock and anonymous loads of cum. Those gangbang bukkake fantasies were not about feeling worthless or hopeless, but about indulging a craving. As I explained to one friend, it's like coming off a strict diet - you just know that one taste of cake is going to lead to all the cake and all the cookies and all the donuts and all the candy.Mistress approved me to serve two people during her absence, and it was great, but it was still like sneaking a snack, and now that I was off the diet, I wanted to feast.
The worst part, the weirdest part, has been the end to my chastity streak. My friends have tried to make light of the situation, asking how many times I've jerked off or rubbed one out, and the honest answer is None. Zero times. Never. Not at all . The last year confirmed everything I ever suspected about being a submissive bottom. That is who I've always been and what I will always be.
It's not the same as being caged at someone else's command, but I am going to order my own cage and self-lock. I like symbolism and I like occasions I can celebrate, so I figure I'll start all over again for locktober and then (safely) explore the community around me. A little time and distance has allowed me to realize this is not an end, but a new beginning.
Indulging in Fantasy
With real-life both too painful and too boring to make for an exciting story right now, I've been straying deeper into my imagination, looking for the trigger or the hook to begin writing again. The good news is I've found it, in two places, so there should be new stories coming soon.The first is a rather long story, probably novella length, about absolute submission and straight-to-gay training. It's a story with some darkness, but I really like it, and I think the overall arc the main character undergoes is well worth it. I've been stuck on it for ages, not quite sure the why was strong enough, but now that I've figured that out, I just need to edit the story to carry the new motivation through. It's been a lot of fun writing a story where a straight man is a willing and motivated participant in his conversion.
The second is a shorter story, totally a fetish and fantasy piece, that started out with a married couple breaking down and coming to a strange farm for help. I've talked about the concept with a few of my beta readers, who didn't quite get what I was going for, so I've gone back to the drawing board and realized it works so much better if it's two middle-aged men out to mourn the death of one wife and celebrate the divorce of the other. More straight-to-gay stuff here, chastity, extreme bondage, and . . . my god, so much cum!
September 1, 2019
August 25, 2019
August 18, 2019
August 11, 2019
August 4, 2019
July 28, 2019
July 21, 2019
July 8, 2019
New Release - The Tool: Straight-to-Gaycation by Bob Neils
It all started on the beach, with the perverse fancy of a wealthy old man with too much time on his hands. An offer of one hundred dollars, if Roxanne would only ask her husband to place the charming, silver-haired stranger's manhood in his mouth. Nothing more than that, he promised,The next day, in the same spot on the same beach, the offer was increased to two-hundred-and-fifty dollars, with the added stipulation that her husband smile while doing it. It surprised her how much she wanted to see that. When she told him the offer and asked him to do it for her . . . for them . . . for their vacation, David didn’t look defeated so much as resigned.
Neither of them could have guessed how high the old man's offers would climb over the days to follow, how perverse his fancies would become, or how far her husband would be asked to bend. It wasn’t about romance or attraction, the old man assured them, but about being teaching David to be used as a tool.
When the old man's final ten-thousand-dollar fancy becomes twenty-thousand - twice as much, for twice as many men - and his wife tells him it’s too late to turn back now, David is left with no choice but to be the right tool for the job.
The Tool: Straight-to-Gaycation is a 14,000-word story of gay-for-pay temptation, straight-to-gay transformation, first time penetration, bisexual discovery, and a wife’s voyeuristic desires.
July 7, 2019
Straight-to-Gay Caption: The Tool
Want to know how the story ends? Pick up a copy of The Tool: Straight-to-Gaycation and find out.
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