Janice Jarrell's Blog: Love's Magic!, page 6

My favorite writing tool!

I was asked what tool I use that makes the writing process go more easily and efficiently, and my answer to that question would have to be Scrivener. I’m not the world’s most organized person and my writing process was sometimes scattered and chaotic. Scrivener helped me organize my thoughts and keep everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, connected with my writing project in one, well-ordered place.

Each of my chapters has it’s own folder and underneath that chapter I can use the corkboard feature to post any snippet of thought or sudden flash of insight I might have about where this chapter should lead. Under the chapter called Changes I’ve got two notes (which I’m not going to show you yet… ). Ideas that I can incorporate into that chapter at a later date. Helps me keep my thoughts organized. I can move them around and reorder them if the action sequence needs to be changed, and along with it’s hefty outlining component, it is a great brainstorming tool.

I keep lots and lots of reference material in my Scrivener file for every book I write. I have a folder for research, , one for characters, one for places, one for cuts, and one which stores character sheet templates. I love the folder for cuts. It allows me to remove segments of a chapter which no longer seem to fit and store the scene in the ‘cuts’ folder in case I decide use it at a later date in a different chapter.

Scrivener will compile your entire work into any number of formats from ebook to PDF and it offers many options for formatting your material. It even inserts front material and cover images.

Scrivener allows you to create, organize, and edit, all in one piece of software with every single piece of information you might need all right there at your fingertips. You get the functions of a word processor with the added benefit of the organizational tools and information a writer might need, all in the same software.

Scrivener also lets you label any component in your Scrivener file in any color you choose. The chapters marked in purple, for instance, are completed chapters while the ones labeled in blue are still in the hands of my editor.

Scrivener, quite simply, handles everything. It keeps all the information pertinent to your ongoing work in one place. You can import and store everything in one convenient file. I’m not beginning to cover all the functions which Scrivener provides. I encourage you to download it for yourself and give it a try. Scrivener is available for both Mac and Windows and comes with a thirty-day trial period which allows you plenty of time to discover if it’s the right tool for you.

I couldn’t get along without it and I think that once you’ve tried it, you’ll feel the same way.

You can download Scrivener here!

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Playlist for Love’s Magic!

Playlist for Love’s Magic:

Joshua

Wind Beneath My Wings

This song is, of course, more from Colin’s point of view and about Joshua. It comes slowly and not without huge firestorms of pain and bitter regret. But eventually Colin does come to realize that Joshua is his strength, or as he comes to call him, his oak. Colin’s always been the star. The alpha male. The big, strong, Irish cop who takes care of everyone else. But Joshua with his calm, steady presence has become the wind beneath his wings.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jorJh8DTMVM

Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.

It must have been cold there in my shadow,

To never have sunlight on your face.

You were content to let me shine, that’s your way.

You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,

While you were the one with all the strength.

A beautiful face without a name for so long.

A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you’re my hero,

And everything I would like to be?

I can fly higher than an eagle,

For you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,

But I’ve got it all here in my heart.

I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.

I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you’re my hero?

You’re everything I wish I could be.

I could fly higher than an eagle,

For you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you’re my hero?

You’re everything, everything I wish I could be.

Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,

For you are the wind beneath my wings,

’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.

You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.

Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,

So high I almost touch the sky.

Thank you, thank you,

Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

David:

Bound To You – Christina Aguilera

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5RAATO3rTE

As David struggles against the many fears which haunt him the one truth he can’t escape is that he is bound, heart and soul, to the blue-eyed angel who stole his heart. Again and again David is forced to face the same fears he has battled since childhood. Their relationship teeters on the brink of destruction before David finally realizes that he is much more bound to Nate than he is to any of the dark forces which have always haunted him. Finally he know that he could lose everything else in his life and be happy as long as Nate was by his side.

 

Sweet love, sweet love

Trapped in your love

I’ve opened up, unsure I can trust

My heart and I were buried in dust

Free me, free us

You’re all I need when I’m holding you tight

If you walk away I will suffer tonight

I found a man I can trust

And boy, I believe in us

I am terrified to love for the first time

Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?

I finally found my way

I am bound to you

I am bound to you

So much, so young, I’ve faced on my own

Walls I built up became my home

I’m strong and I’m sure there’s a fire in us

Sweet love, so pure

I catch my breath we’re just one beating heart

And I brace myself, please don’t tear this apart

I found a man I can trust

And boy, I believe in us

I am terrified to love for the first time

Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?

I finally found my way

I am bound to you

I am bound to

Suddenly the moment’s here

I embrace my fears

All that I have been carrying all these years

Do I risk it all, come this far just to fall, fall?

Oh, I can trust

And boy, I believe in us

I am terrified to love for the first time

Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains

And finally found my way

I am bound to you

I am

Ooh, I am

I’m bound to you

Colin

You Are The Reason

Calum Scott

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShZ978fBl6Y

This song perfectly describes Colin’s heart after Joshua leaves Virginia without giving any clue where he had gone. Colin didn’t understand his own feelings at first. He only knew that nothing in his life made sense anymore. Since his sister’s death, Colin’s heart had been locked up tight. He refused to cry then or now because losing control was his greatest fear. But Joshua’s quiet, steady presence had cracked the lava-incrusted walls encasing Colin’s wounded heart and he could no longer suppress or control the feelings that raged within him. But from that tsunami of feelings emerged one shining truth, he loved Joshua Abrams. It was now time to lay aside his pride and admit that Joshua was the reason his life was in tatters, and that he had to find a way to fix what he had broken.

There goes my heart beating

‘Cause you are the reason

I’m losing my sleep

Please come back now

There goes my mind racing

And you are the reason

That I’m still breathing

I’m hopeless now

I’d climb every mountain

And swim every ocean

Just to be with you

And fix what I’ve broken

Oh, ’cause I need you to see

That you are the reason

 

There goes my hand shaking

And you are the reason

My heart keeps bleeding

I need you now

If I could turn back the clock

I’d make sure the light defeated the dark

I’d spend every hour, of every day

Keeping you safe

And I’d climb every mountain

And swim every ocean

Just to be with you

And fix what I’ve broken

Oh, ’cause I need you to see

That you are the reason, oh

(I don’t wanna fight no more)

(I don’t wanna hurt no more)

(I don’t wanna cry no more)

(Come back, I need you to hold me closer now)

You are the reason, oh

(Just a little closer now)

(Come a little closer now)

(I need you to hold me tonight)

I’d climb every mountain

And swim every ocean

Just to be with you

And fix what I’ve broken

‘Cause I need you to see

That you are the reason

Colin

“Free Fallin'”

Tom Petty

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lWJXDG2i0A

This song defines Colin perfectly in the days of Love’s Magic. But this song resonates in his heart hand-in-hand with a terrible and soul-crushing sadness. He IS free. But only in the most mundane sense. In truth his heart is imprisoned by a crushing sense of fear and guilt. If anything, he longs for the very same love and intimacy which he most fears. His love of independence is a façade designed to protect a deeply wounded heart.

She’s a good girl, loves her mama

Loves Jesus and America too

She’s a good girl, who’s crazy ’bout Elvis

Loves horses and her boyfriend too

And it’s a long day livin’ in Reseda

There’s a freeway runnin’ through the yard

And I’m a bad boy, cause I don’t even miss her

I’m a bad boy for breakin’ her heart

 

Now I’m free

Free fallin’

Yeah, I’m free

Free fallin’

 

Now all the vampires walkin’ through the valley

Move west down Ventura boulevard

And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows

And the good girls are home with broken hearts

 

Now I’m free

I’m free fallin’

Yeah, I’m free

Free fallin’

 

Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m

Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now

 

I wanna glide down over Mulholland

I wanna write her name in the sky

I’m gonna free fall out into nothin’

Gonna leave this world for awhile

 

Now I’m free (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)

Free fallin’ (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)

Yeah, I’m free (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)

Free fallin’ (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)

(Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)

Now I’m free

Free fallin’

Oh (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)

Free fallin’ (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)

Now I’m free (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)

Oh, free fallin’ (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)

(Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m) Free fallin’

David Gardener:

The Greatest Love

Whitney Houston

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYzlVDlE72w

Through Love’s Magic David is learning to leave behind the critical voice of his father and find his own worth, with the help of his therapist and from the unwavering support of his loving partner. Nate helped David to find that ‘greatest love’ and stood beside him as it healed his heart.

I believe the children are our are future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody searching for a hero

People need someone to look up to

I never found anyone who fulfill my needs

A lonely place to be

And so I learned to depend on me

 

I decided long ago

Never to walk in anyone’s shadows

If I fail, if I succeed

At least I’ll live as I believe

No matter what they take from me

They can’t take away my dignity

 

Because the greatest

Love of all is happening to me

I found the greatest

Love of all inside of me

The greatest love of all

Is easy to achieve

Learning to love yourself

It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

 

I decided long ago

Never to walk in anyone’s shadows

If I fail, if I succeed

At least I’ll live as I believe

No matter what they take from me

They can’t take away my dignity

Because the greatest

Love of all is happening to me

I found the greatest

Love of all inside of me

The greatest love of all

Is easy to achieve

Learning to love yourself

It is the greatest love of all

And if, by chance, that special place

That you’ve been dreaming of

Leads you to a lonely place

Find your strength in love

Colin

Love in the First Degree

Alabama

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3mBSQ-GP0s

Colin was resolved to never allow love to imprison his fiercely independent Irish heart but darkly handsome Joshua Abrams began to slowly break down that resolve. When Colin’s hot, Irish temper ended their relationship he was forced to look within and confront the dark secret which lay at the root of his anger. When Joshua left Colin was sure he’d get over it as he had a thousand times before… but he never made it to the door.

I once thought of love as a prison

a place I didn’t want to be

So long ago, I made a decision

to be footloose and fancy-free

But you came and I was so tempted

to gamble on love just one time

I never thought, that I would get caught

It seemed like the perfect crime

 

Baby you left me defense-less

I’ve only got one plea

Lock me away, inside of your love

and throw away the key

I’m guilty…of love in the first degree

I thought it would be so simple

like a thousand times before

I’d take what I wanted, and just walk away

but I never made it to the door

Now babe I’m not beggin’ for mercy

go ahead and throw the book at me

If lovin’ you’s a crime

I know that I’m as guilty as a man can be

 

Baby you left me defense-less

I’ve only got one plea

Lock me away, inside of your love

and throw away the key

I’m guilty…of love in the first degree

Love in the first degree (oh-oh yeah)

Love in the first degree

Oh Yeeeaaaah!

Baby you left me defense-less

I’ve only got one plea

Lock me away, inside of your love

and throw away the key

I’m guilty…of love in the first degree

Joshua Abrams

Magic Man

Heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps7tVvQHLyo

Joshua knew from the moment of their first meeting that Colin was his ‘magic man’. There was no escape from the overwhelming allure of Colin’s enchantment. But Colin’s refusal to open his heart left Joshua lonely and adrift, and when Colin’s hot, Irish temper exploded and ended their relationship, he knew he had to return home and try to free himself from Colin’s magical hold on his heart.

Cold, late night so long ago

When I was not so strong you know

A pretty man came to me

I never seen eyes so blue

You know, I could not run away it seemed

We’d seen each other in a dream

Seemed like he knew me, he looked right through me, yeah

“Come on home, girl” he said with a smile

“you don’t have to love me yet, let’s get high awhile

But try to understand, try to understand

Try, try, try to understand, I’m a magic man”

Winter nights we sang in tune

Played inside the months of moon

“Never think of never..let this spell last forever”

Well, summer lover passed to fall

Tried to realize it all

Mama says she’s worried, growing up in a hurry

“Come on home, girl” Mama cried on the phone

“Too soon to lose my baby yet, my girl should be at home”

But try to understand, try to understand

Try, try, try to understand, he’s a magic man, Mama, ah

He’s a magic man

“Come on home, girl” he said with a smile

“I cast my spell of love on you, a woman from a child”

But try to understand, try to understand

Oh, oh, try, try, try to understand,

He’s a magic man, oh, he’s got the magic hands

Oh’s over top

“Come on home, girl” he said with a smile

“You don’t have to love me yet, let’s get high awhile”

But try to understand, try to understand

Try, try, try to understand, he’s a magic man, yeah, oh

Nate Reese

Separate Ways

The idyllic life Nate shares with David Gardener is shaken to the core when Nate is injured struggling to protect a student under attack. Traumatized by the incident, Nate seeks answers and resolution by becoming a leader of activist group called ‘End Assault’, a decision which David refuses to support. Feeling abandoned by his lover, Nate is heartbroken and fears their relationship may lose its way in the face of this unresolvable dilemma. He couldn’t change David’s mind. They were world’s apart.

“Separate Ways”

Journey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcjzHMhBtf0

Here we stand

Worlds apart

Hearts broken in two, two, two

Sleepless nights

Losing ground

I’m reaching for you, you, you

Feelin’ that it’s gone

Can’t change your mind

If we can’t go on

To survive the tide

Love divides

Someday love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

How we touched

And went our separate ways

If he ever hurts you

True love won’t desert you

You know I still love you

Though we touched

And went our separate ways

Troubled times

Caught between confusion and pain, pain, pain

Distant eyes

Promises we made were in vain, in vain, in vain

If you must go

I wish you love

You’ll never walk alone

Take care, my love

Miss you, love

Someday love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

How we touched

And went our separate ways

If he ever hurts you

True love won’t desert you

You know I still love you

Though we touched

And went our separate ways

No

Someday love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

If he ever hurts you

True love won’t desert you

You know I still love you

I still love you, girl

I really love you, girl

And if he ever hurts you

True love won’t desert you

No, no

Love’s Magic

Magic

The true enchantment of Love’s Magic is beautifully reflected in this song by Olivia Newton-John. None of the four unique men of Love’s Magic realize the magic that lies within themselves, nor do they yet realize that the magic of the love they feel for their estranged lovers is the key to the healing and peace they have sought all their lives

Magic

Olivia Newton-John

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl5bqHP0-KA

Come take my hand

You should know me

I’ve always been in your mind

You know I will be kind

I’ll be guiding you

Building your dream has to start now

There’s no other road to take

You won’t make a mistake

I’ll be guiding you

You have to believe we are magic

Nothin’ can stand in our way

You have to believe we are magic

Don’t let your aim ever stray

And if all your hopes survive

Destiny will arrive

I’ll bring all your dreams alive

For you

I’ll bring all your dreams alive

For you

From where I stand, you are home free

The planets align so rare

There’s promise in the air

And I’m guiding you

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GET LOVE’S MAGIC NOW FOR FREE!!

If Love’s Magic has been on your ‘to be read’ list now’s the time to grab it FREE OF CHARGE!

Love’s Magic is part of an ongoing promotion called the Midsummer Gay Romance giveaway!! Follow the link below and grab your copy of Love’s Magic NOW!!

And now may I ask a favor? If you grab and read Love’s Magic, and I hope you do, could you do me the kindness to write a review describing your feelings about the book? You, the reader, are the one with the power to make any book a success. It’s all in your hands. Please help ALL Indi authors by leaving a review on Amazon or here on Goodreads!

GET LOVE’S MAGIC HERE FOR FREE!!

All the best…

Jan

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I know. You’re sick of hearing it.

Ok. Here I come doing what every other author on the planet has done and will always do… beg for reviews.

I know. You’ve heard it all before. ‘Please, PLEEEEASE review my book!’ Believe me, I hate saying it and I’d imagine that every other author is as sick of saying it as I am. You feel like a beggar on a street corner holding out a tin cup. But the nature of published works is that reviews matter. They count. Hell, even a BAD review is better than NO review, which makes little sense to me but which is true none the less.

It’s hard to constantly be asking people to give of their time to write down what they think of your work. It feels awkward and embarrassing. Our readers have already given of their time – not to mention their hard-earned money – to support your work, and here we come asking for even more. I understand why readers get annoyed by the constant pestering. First it’s ‘BUY MY BOOK’! Then it’s ‘REVIEW MY BOOK!’. Soon to be followed, no doubt, by ‘BUY THE SEQUEL TO MY BOOK!’

May I just say this? Authors hate doing it. We cringe inside very single time we put those posts and emails out there. We don’t want to annoy people. We don’t want to be pests. Honestly. But there is also this: We believe in our work. Many if not most of us have spent years developing these books. We’ve made huge investments of time, energy, love, sweat, tears, and often money (for editors, cover artists, promotions, etc… ) all because we honestly believe we’re telling a good story which you would enjoy reading.

Some of us aren’t even in it for the money. We simply love to write, love our characters, and believe we told a great story which we’re dying to share with like-minded folks. And the hard, cold, truth is Amazon rules when it comes to books, and on Amazon reviews are what puts your work at the top of the ‘customers who read this item also bought‘ list, which is where every author yearns to be.

So, dear readers, my plea to you is this. Review, review, review. I don’t care what book it is, write a review. Write two words: ‘Great read!’ and toss in a few stars. Please.

OR.. what the hell, if you didn’t like the book, say so!! But also say why. Don’t just 1-star it and walk away. Tell the author where you think they fell short. You’re entitled to your opinion, and believe me, any reviewer who points out the faults and flaws in my work has done me a huge favor. It may not feel good at the time, but it teaches me what I need to know in order to get better at what I do.

For me the truth is this: I love my characters and I believe in their story. I want my work to do well because I want to attract new readers who will also love my characters and become invested in their story. Please help me, and every other author out there (who I’m sure feels exactly the same way) by reviewing their work on Amazon, Goodreads, Bookbub, Smashwords… you name it.

You will be giving a huge and very welcome gift to folks who have taken the big, scary step of putting their heart’s blood out there for the world to read and judge. Please. Write that review.

Reach me at: jjarrell@lovesmagic.online

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Naming the guys.

I thought a lot about my characters before I started writing Love’s Magic. I chose their names carefully because I wanted the names to say something about their character rather than being merely a meaningless label.

Joshua, for instance, means “Jehovah is generous. Jehovah saves.” In the long run I knew that Joshua was a man who would channel his need for healing into helping others. Josh gives of himself even when he receives nothing in return. The Urban Dictionary says about Joshua “His heart is beautiful, and only very few people have touched it. But he touches the hearts of many and doesn’t even know it.” I think this statement beautifully illustrates his relationship with Colin.

Joshua hid his heart away. His fear of rejection and abandonment made him very self-protective and unable to see his own inner beauty. Not many people saw into his heart. And, certainly, when he and Colin first met he had no idea how deeply his presence affected the feisty Irish police officer. Even after their explosive parting, he remained convinced that Colin’s heart had not been touched by their relationship when nothing could have been further from the truth.

There are a couple meanings I found for Colin’s name, one being ‘victory for the people’ the other being ‘cub’ or ‘child’. Both meanings fit him perfectly. His whole life revolves around his struggle to gain victory for people who’ve been harmed by the world. He fights like ten mad demons to win justice for them. And on many levels, Colin IS a child. He’s carefree and reckless. He’s exciting and enjoyable. He’s just a huge ball of Irish energy unleashed upon the world… and upon Joshua.

The fact that David Gardener’s name means ‘beloved’ is a touch of irony, because David suffered for years from wounds which left a dark shadow over his life, leaving him feeling anything but ‘beloved’. Even his many professional accomplishments couldn’t triumph over the poor self-image he acquired from an overly critical father. When Nate entered his life, he finally began to believe in himself.

The meaning of Nate’s name, “Gift from god”, would perfectly reflect how David felt about his beautiful, creative partner. For Nate, David’s entire being was mirrored in the broad shoulders and sturdy build which reflected the quiet inner strength Nate relied on in both good times and bad. And in being god’s gift to David, he allowed David to believe he was, indeed, beloved.

I enjoyed exploring my characters through this kind of creative lens. It helped me understand them more deeply and, as a result, they become more real to those who visit their world.

Reach me at: jjarrell@lovesmagic.online

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Click here to purchase!!!

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Join my review team!!

One group of people matters most to authors – and that’s YOU, the reader. Our readers, have the power to make or break a book by simply telling the world what they feel about it.  Loved it, hated it, however you feel, I need your feedback.

As you may know, reviews can be tough to come by these days. So I’m forming a review team of  dedicated readers who will receive a FREE advanced release copies of all my work!!

Right now the focus is on the sequel to Love’s Magic, entitled Love’s Trials, scheduled for release in October. Love’s Trials is a contemporary gay romance novel with lots heat, lots of drama and lots of excitement. It continues the story of two characters you met in Love’s Magic, Colin and Joshua. They are in love and supremely happy, until a trial that they could not have anticipated threatens not only their relationship but possibly their lives.I would be thrilled to welcome you as apart of my review team and feel sure that you’ll love reading about Colin and Joshua’s ‘trials’.

Please click here to join up with us!! 

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Something that few people know about me!!

Tell me one thing hardly anyone knows about you.

Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I spent 15 years reading Tarot cards and doing Astrological horoscopes for a living. Not only that, but I taught the very first online Tarot class in the history of the world and this was loooong before the Internet. It was on a service known as Quantum-Line, or Q-link which was the precursor to AOL. I taught classes there, led full moon meditations. It was great, GREAT fun!

And it was the beginning of what is now, of course, a world-wide phenomenon, the WEB. It was more fun back then because we were involved in ground-breaking activities and making our own rules up as we went… always MY favorite thing to do.

I enjoyed reading Tarot cards. I never saw them as a way to tell fortunes or predict the future. I used them much as a psychologist (Joshua?) would use ink-blots. They’re a great psychological tool, and a lot of fun.

I’ve always seen the Magician as the card meant for authors. The Magician lifts his wand toward the skies to call on inspiration and then uses the tools he has been given to make that inspiration manifest in the world. This is what authors do all the time. Even those authors who have yet to sell even one book have created something magical. They have drawn on the power of the Universe and manifested that power on Earth. I don’t care if it’s a children’s book, a cookbook, or a contemporary gay romance novel like mine… they are all a manifestation of what is most divine within each of us.

That should make every single author feel like a Magician… because they ARE!

 

 

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COME BE A MANIAC!!

 COME BE A MANIAC! 

If you are passionate and enthusiastic about Janice Jarrell’s books, we need your help on the Jarrell’s Bibliomaniacs street team! We are lucky to have such a devoted fan base, and it’s fans like you that make Jan’s books such a great success. If you choose to be a part of our ‘Maniacs’ team, you will be rewarded with free ebooks, Amazon gift cards, and other great prizes. Want to get involved? We’re always in search of outgoing friends to help spread the word. Take a journey with us!! Come be a Maniac!!!

SIGN UP HERE!!!!

Reach me at: jjarrell@lovesmagic.online

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Which actors would play my characters in the Love’s Magic movie???

 

Which actor/actress would you like to see playing the lead character from your book?

Now I’m embarrassed. I always have an actual person’s face in mind for my characters. Always. And usually that face belongs to an actor or actress. It’s just easier for me to write when I can see the character living out what’s going on in my mind.

I had Colin and Joshua completely fleshed out in the character development sheets I always use when I first start writing. I knew them. I knew what they were like. I knew what the liked and didn’t like. I knew their faults and flaws and weaknesses. I knew their strengths. And I had a (sort-of) idea what they looked like.

Colin, of course, was Irish. And I wanted him to look Irish. It’s a lot of who he is as a man and it was important to me that the character’s image in my mind convey the deep love he feels for being Irish. So, I went looking for Irish men. And this is who I chose:

Kill me now! Yes. It’s Jamie Dornan. But… BUT… I honest-to-god had NO idea who he was when I picked the image. He just looked IRISH! I am no fan of Christian Grey, had never read 50 Shades of anything, have never seen the movies, had never seen Jamie in anything. He just looked… Irish!  And, of course, he looked hot as FUCK!

As Joshua said when he first saw Colin on hit motorcycle: “Colin sat astride the bike, his muscular frame wonderfully emphasized by his black leather jacket and tight jeans. In his hand was a helmet emblazoned with a shamrock and the words: ‘Go Irish!’ My God, Joshua thought, his breath catching in his chest. He’s just so fucking hot!”

I know now, of course. Trust me to pick the actor playing the most notorious heterosexual on the planet as the mental model for my gay-as-hell Irish cop.

*sighs*

But… once I saw him I was sunk. He just WAS Colin! So I’m stuck with Jamie Dornan… if such a thing is possible. And, frankly, the Jamie Dornan who was and remains ‘Colin’ in my fevered brain is Jamie as Sheriff Graham in ‘Once Upon a Time’. THAT’ is Colin to me.

Joshua. Again, I went on the hunt for an ethnic look. Joshua is Jewish. I needed a Jewish guy. And there he was.

Again, I had no clue who Adam Brody was when I picked him. I had never seen the OC, didn’t know Adam from Adam in the garden of Eden. I just knew he was Joshua. There were the dark, tumbling curls that Colin drooled over. There was the Jewish strength and calm that he relied on.

In fact THIS is the picture that Colin was looking at when he thought: “Alone in his apartment at night, he studied the only picture he had of Joshua, clutching it tightly in one hand while holding his phone in the other. It was a black and white photo which Joshua had given to him some weeks ago. The photo was beautifully lit and the reflective expression on Joshua’s face framed by his dark, tumbling curls tore at Colin’s heart. He gazed past Colin with dreamy eyes which focused on some distant and unreachable goal.”

So those are the two guys I continually saw in my head as I wrote Love’s Magic. I have to confess… once I’d discovered Jamie Dornan (and I admit that I am really late to that party!) I knew Colin couldn’t have been anyone else. And frankly, having he and Adam firmly planted in my brain made writing Colin and Joshua’s romantic scenes a lot more pleasurable. I mean a LOT!

I often wonder if I’m the only author who uses uber-hot fantasy guys as her mental model when they write. Somehow I doubt it.

Legitimate comments are welcome but ALL comments are reviewed. So spammers, fuck off. You won’t get in anyway.

Reach me at: jjarrell@lovesmagic.online

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My most annoying character!

I’ve been asked which character in my story gave me fits or constantly surprised me by going in directions I hadn’t intended, and the answer to that question would have to be, Colin.

I adored that feisty Irishman from the moment he sprang, full grown, from my brain. Cocky, arrogant, and utterly contemptuous of romance in any form, he was a pistol from day-one.

He didn’t seem to GET that I wanted him to fall in love with Joshua. I tried to corral him, entice him, yank and pull him. But still he resisted. Every word I wrote to try to lead him down love’s rosy path ended up sounding hollow and dishonest. It wasn’t Colin’s voice and I knew it. I had to try again because what I’d written was just wrong.

I had to stop writing and listen to what my fiercely independent Irishman was trying to tell me. I had to stop putting words in his mouth and let him speak. And believe me when he did, he had a lot to say.

I discovered that this alpha-male Irish cop wanted to fall in love with Joshua, and in fact needed to fall in love with him. But the many layers of defense that he’d built up around his heart was a roaring whirlpool that drowned out that need.

This was not a man who could easily admit to being afraid. After all he had a reputation to uphold and there’s nothing like Irish ego and pride to ignite feelings of self-preservation. Perhaps it’s not rhetoric to say that Colin was afraid to be afraid. His fears were not focused around one issue. Colin’s heart was a maze of complex questions all of which led back to one chilling answer and one horrifying childhood trauma.

He is not a one-dimensional character and at first I didn’t get that. His resistance to love and intimacy was multi-layered and breaking down one of those layers offered no guarantee that a completely different issue wouldn’t raise its head and slam the door to Colin’s heart shut tight.

I had to explore each layer side-by-side with my independent Irishman. I had to let him lead me down the paths where he feared to walk and understand why he feared to walk them. I discovered a complex, multi-dimensional man whose fears flowed from a deep well of memory, most of which had been bottled-up since childhood. I discovered that his fear of love, intimacy, and commitment came from a legitimate source. I discovered that I couldn’t force him to love. I had to step back and let Joshua lead him to Love’s Magic.

Once I took myself out of the equation and let Joshua take over, the process became easier. I didn’t have to lure, bait, or force Colin in Joshua’s direction. I just had to step back and let him choose to move in the direction he was dying to go.

Even then, it wasn’t an easy process for Joshua or for me. Colin remains frustrating, obstinate and fearful. But Joshua’s struggle to understand the man he loved revealed more about the soul of my complex Irish cop than I ever knew was there.

I hope you will walk beside Colin and Joshua on their journey. I hope you’ll cheer their victories and mourn their defeats as they struggle to find Love’s Magic.

Reach me at: jjarrell@lovesmagic.online

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