Elly Lonon's Blog, page 2
February 22, 2019
Rhythm of the Night
What kind of person did you think you’d grow to be when you were younger? Successful? Happy? Confident? Creative? Motivated? Self-sufficient? Nurturing? Eloquent? Vain and self-obsessed?
Yup. I am now the type of person who owns one of these things and younger me is stupefied.
No, that isn’t a bizarre nipple clip. I mean…I guess you could use it that way? But you would have to have very sizeable nipples. And quite a bit of determination. And be into nipple clamps in the first place.
It’s als...
February 15, 2019
Ex’s and Oh’s
Do you know how I know I should probably strive to get out of the house more often? The level of amusement I get out of trying to find the most ridiculous still in each week’s video.
Clearly I need to take up another hobby.
So it turns out that I’m not the only one suffering from the funks right now. The uproariously witty Jen Mann wrote an unusually vulnerable post last week which makes me wonder if I’m going to have to admit maybe I have more than just the winter grays.
Midlife is some ser...
February 12, 2019
My Valentine’s Day Gift to You
Everyone loves a corporate-manufactured holiday, right? Another chance to forget to buy something no one really needs to somehow prove you love someone else? An additional opportunity to generate more clutter to later Marie Kondo and end up in the landfill?
NEVER FEAR! I am here to save the day!
Ok technically Alex and Michael are the ones saving the day. And Kittery Clinton.
The point is, I’ve wasted this entire snow day making Amongst the Liberal Elite Valentines for YOU. You can save these...
February 8, 2019
Beautiful Doll
Hey, you great big beautiful dolls. Next week is FULL. Daunting, even. Rocco has a zillion extra work calls. There is Valentine’s Day. An audition. My kid’s birthday. A party for my mom.
And a funeral. I think.
My uncle died? No. That’s not a question. My uncle died. Unexpectedly. And I’m having more feelings than I thought I would have.
Not because I’ll miss him. I won’t. Honestly? Fuck that guy. He was nothing to me. But I mourn for his children. Mostly I mourn on behalf of my dad. If only...
February 1, 2019
You’re the Cream in My Coffee
It’s hard to learn a new song when you can’t stop singing RENT from beginning to end. I’m not going to say that Fox’s live production was the best thing I’ve ever seen. (I also won’t say it was the worst. Nor that I wish my house was less insulated.) But I still kinda loved it.
Honestly? I just fucking love RENT.
In college, I was dating a guy almost equally obsessed with musicals as this jazz-hands addict. We drove up to NYC during Christmas break, arriving at around midnight. We parked in t...
January 25, 2019
The Glory of Love
“Mom, I’m worried that my classmates won’t recognize me.”
“Ok. May I ask why?”
“I’m wearing different shoes. These are green.”
“Your other shoes are green, too.”
“Yes, but those are a different green.”
Reader, IT WAS THE SAME GREEN. There are only so many nuanced shades of Ninja Turtle.
Fooled him, though. So maybe all those glossy marketing campaigns are on to something with their promises to change your whole look with one new accessory? Or maybe I should try and capitalize on this mild de...
January 18, 2019
Fisherman’s Blues
It’s still winter. Allegedly it’s going to snow this weekend. Hold please while I try and tamp down the excitement I inevitably feel at the mere mention of snow.
What is it about this weather that makes me want ALL THE CARBS? Ok, in truth I want ALL the carbs ALL year long. But winter makes me want ALL the HOT carbs.
Chocolate chip cookie? Meh. I mean, maybe? I guess I’ll take one. What’s that? It’s still warm? I WILL RIP IT FROM YOUR FROSTBIT FINGERS AND ABANDON YOU ON THE TUNDRA.
Because a...
January 11, 2019
Talking In Your Sleep
It’s gray. It’s cold. People are destroying Joshua Tree. The government is still shut down. Democracy is in free fall. Low rise jeans are making a comeback. And Trader Joe’s doesn’t sell orange juice concentrate anymore so basically we’re all gonna die of scurvy and asscrack exposure. On the plus side, this will only be annoying for a few more years because CLIMATE CHANGE. That’s assuming you don’t eat contaminated produce while the FDA inspectors are furloughed.
I’m in a really good place me...
January 4, 2019
Feeling Good
I am constantly trying to drive home to my kids (and husband) that word choice matters. There are so many wonderful words, why not make the extra effort to find the perfect one? And why get stuck using just a handful when you could communicate with a rainbow of words?
And yet, we all seem to fall into a word rut occasionally. (My 4yo currently ends every sentence with “bootchee bootchee butt butt.” I’m sure it has nothing to do with my inability to contain my giggles every time he says it.)
T...
December 14, 2018
A Cancer Gift Guide
Earlier this week I realized it’s 2018. Let the jokes commence: I’m a little late to finally putting the correct date on my checks, right? Just in time to switch to 2019.
But here’s the thing – in December of 2008 I was officially labeled in remission from lymphoma. Ten years. It’s been a decade since I had cancer! TEN YEARS!
What?!?!
Just three years ago I wrote this piece about the fear that still remained at seven years in remission. And no, the fear never goes away completely. This year a...
