Patti O'Shea's Blog, page 111
November 17, 2015
Creepy Crawly Adventures
On Friday morning, after a bout of insomnia that left me without about 3 hours of sleep, I got up for work, turned on the lights in my bedroom, and went to grab my iPad when I saw it. On the floor. Next to my bed. A ginormous centipede. It had to be close to three inches long. ::shudder::
I think I might have whimpered. When it comes to the creepy crawly things, I'm not sure which freaks me out more: centipedes or scorpions.
This is only the second centipede I've seen in my house in the two years I've lived here, but both of them have been huge! I'm not sure where they hide out. When I lived in the condo there was a constant parade of centipedes and I never had a doubt about their constant presence, but not here. If I knew where they hung out, I'd bug bomb that area. Maybe I'll mention it to my pest guy the next time he comes out. Anyway, I'm more used to scorpions. I lost count somewhere around 17, which is way too many.
So I spot this huge centipede on my floor, but it doesn't seem to be moving. Maybe it's dead, I think hopefully. Maybe I can go have coffee before I deal with the carcass. Then I remembered the scorpion I thought was dead only to discover it had vanished when I returned to the room to get its body. Nope, I'm not going through the weeks of wondering and worrying where it's at the way I did with the scorpion. Just in case it's still alive.
Now I try to decide how to kill it. I decided on the broom. I went to the kitchen, grabbed it, and returned only to discover the centipede had changed position. Oh, yes, it was alive. Maybe not healthy, but alive. I whacked with the broom.
And missed him. I did bend up my metal broom handle again. I bent it the first time whacking a spider. I whacked again. Another miss.
Third time's the charm.
I went back to the kitchen to get the broom with the dustpan to sweep up the remains. I didn't want that thing in my garbage can, though. What if he wasn't quite dead? What if he crawled out? ::shudder:: Despite having no coffee yet, I had a brainstorm. Throw him in the front yard!
And I did exactly that. I hope the ants feasted on his carcass. Not that I'm vengeful or anything. :-)
I think I might have whimpered. When it comes to the creepy crawly things, I'm not sure which freaks me out more: centipedes or scorpions.
This is only the second centipede I've seen in my house in the two years I've lived here, but both of them have been huge! I'm not sure where they hide out. When I lived in the condo there was a constant parade of centipedes and I never had a doubt about their constant presence, but not here. If I knew where they hung out, I'd bug bomb that area. Maybe I'll mention it to my pest guy the next time he comes out. Anyway, I'm more used to scorpions. I lost count somewhere around 17, which is way too many.
So I spot this huge centipede on my floor, but it doesn't seem to be moving. Maybe it's dead, I think hopefully. Maybe I can go have coffee before I deal with the carcass. Then I remembered the scorpion I thought was dead only to discover it had vanished when I returned to the room to get its body. Nope, I'm not going through the weeks of wondering and worrying where it's at the way I did with the scorpion. Just in case it's still alive.
Now I try to decide how to kill it. I decided on the broom. I went to the kitchen, grabbed it, and returned only to discover the centipede had changed position. Oh, yes, it was alive. Maybe not healthy, but alive. I whacked with the broom.
And missed him. I did bend up my metal broom handle again. I bent it the first time whacking a spider. I whacked again. Another miss.
Third time's the charm.
I went back to the kitchen to get the broom with the dustpan to sweep up the remains. I didn't want that thing in my garbage can, though. What if he wasn't quite dead? What if he crawled out? ::shudder:: Despite having no coffee yet, I had a brainstorm. Throw him in the front yard!
And I did exactly that. I hope the ants feasted on his carcass. Not that I'm vengeful or anything. :-)
November 15, 2015
24: The 1994 Pilot
For those of you who remember the days of AOL and Prodigy, this is a pretty funny parody of 24.
November 12, 2015
Grumpy Patti Says No
There are a couple of things I've been noticing on websites lately that are really aggravating. Both involve pop overs that cover a good portion of the screen. I hate both of these things with the fire of a thousand suns.
The first one I started noticing is confined to my tablet. Every time (at least it seems like every time) I click through on a link to read some article, I'll get a box that covers the top half of the window inviting me to download their free app. No! First of all, I don't want 9000 apps on my iPad. Secondly, I might never read an article on that site ever again. Stop bugging me.
Besides, even if it's a website that I visit often, I usually don't want the app. I always forget I have the app anyway, so it's just a waste of time and space.
The second one happens no matter what type of device I'm reading on and this pop over window is even bigger and more annoying than the "download our app" messages. I've been seeing it on marketing websites in particular (you'd think they'd know better) and a growing number of author sites. It's a sure way for me to close the browser tab and vow never to visit that site again. What is it? The box invites me to subscribe to their newsletter.
No, a thousand times no!
If the material on your site is something that impresses me, I can find your subscribe form on my own. I don't need an obtrusive window squarely in the middle of my screen, covering up pretty much every word of content. It's especially annoying when I haven't even read a sentence yet and have no idea if your content is even worth my time let alone enough to entice me to subscribe to your newsletter.
It's making Patti one grumpy author, so for crying out loud, quit it already.
The first one I started noticing is confined to my tablet. Every time (at least it seems like every time) I click through on a link to read some article, I'll get a box that covers the top half of the window inviting me to download their free app. No! First of all, I don't want 9000 apps on my iPad. Secondly, I might never read an article on that site ever again. Stop bugging me.
Besides, even if it's a website that I visit often, I usually don't want the app. I always forget I have the app anyway, so it's just a waste of time and space.
The second one happens no matter what type of device I'm reading on and this pop over window is even bigger and more annoying than the "download our app" messages. I've been seeing it on marketing websites in particular (you'd think they'd know better) and a growing number of author sites. It's a sure way for me to close the browser tab and vow never to visit that site again. What is it? The box invites me to subscribe to their newsletter.
No, a thousand times no!
If the material on your site is something that impresses me, I can find your subscribe form on my own. I don't need an obtrusive window squarely in the middle of my screen, covering up pretty much every word of content. It's especially annoying when I haven't even read a sentence yet and have no idea if your content is even worth my time let alone enough to entice me to subscribe to your newsletter.
It's making Patti one grumpy author, so for crying out loud, quit it already.
November 10, 2015
Hiccup Cures
A while back, I got the hiccups and did an online search for a cure. I found one that worked immediately, but didn't bookmark the site because, hey, I won't forget something this easy. (Yeah, right.) And even if I do forget, I can just do another online search and find it again. (Theoretically, this is true.)
So I got the hiccups a few minutes ago and (of course) I couldn't remember the easy no-fail cure. I also forgot exactly what search term I used originally to search the net because what I got this time as the top result was not very helpful.
The top result had several suggestions. One was to stick out my tongue. That did not work. Another option was a rectal massage. Um, time to check out the second search result.
Site number two also suggested sticking out my tongue. Strike one. Plug my ears and drink water through a straw. I guessed I could do that, but by the time I got to the kitchen and got a glass and a straw and filled it with water, the hiccups would probably end on their own. Strike two. And then I saw one that would be quick and easy to try--Hold my breath.
It worked! I held my breath until it became uncomfortable and when I released it, hiccups were gone. I'm not sure this is the cure I found the last time, but it worked so I don't care.
So I got the hiccups a few minutes ago and (of course) I couldn't remember the easy no-fail cure. I also forgot exactly what search term I used originally to search the net because what I got this time as the top result was not very helpful.
The top result had several suggestions. One was to stick out my tongue. That did not work. Another option was a rectal massage. Um, time to check out the second search result.
Site number two also suggested sticking out my tongue. Strike one. Plug my ears and drink water through a straw. I guessed I could do that, but by the time I got to the kitchen and got a glass and a straw and filled it with water, the hiccups would probably end on their own. Strike two. And then I saw one that would be quick and easy to try--Hold my breath.
It worked! I held my breath until it became uncomfortable and when I released it, hiccups were gone. I'm not sure this is the cure I found the last time, but it worked so I don't care.
November 8, 2015
What We Learned About Pluto
This is a little old. By now, more data has been streamed back from the probe, but this is still cool.
November 5, 2015
Seeing the Outback By Camel
I've been lucky enough to travel to a lot of cool places. One of my very favorites was Australia. I loved it there and would have happily moved there until I found out about all the spiders and venomous snakes. ::shudder:: I spent four weeks down under and have a lot of great memories, but one of the highlights of the trip was something I didn't want to do.
When I went to Australia, I traveled with my parents and my dad did a fair amount of work setting up some of the tours. One of the things he arranged was a camel ride while we were in Alice Springs. I was not looking forward to this and I'm sure I complained about it. Probably a lot.
No one was more surprised than me when it ended up being a lot of fun! Well, once my terror subsided.
You see, camels have an odd gait. I thought I was going to fall off with every step. I was also worried that one of the other camels in the line would bite me. Camels have a reputation as not being the friendliest creatures ever. But once I felt confident that I wasn't going to end up in the hospital, I started enjoying the trip.We traveled through a dried out river bed--and yes, I did worry about a flash flood suddenly swooping down on us and whisking camels away.
The trip ended at a vineyard where we had dinner and tasted wine. Well, my parents did. I'm not much of a wine drinker. Then we got in vans for the trip back to the hotel. They probably didn't want guests on camels after the wine or in the dark.
I try to remember this when it comes to being open to new experiences. Here I'd resisted and groused about the camel trip and it ended up being an awesome time.
When I went to Australia, I traveled with my parents and my dad did a fair amount of work setting up some of the tours. One of the things he arranged was a camel ride while we were in Alice Springs. I was not looking forward to this and I'm sure I complained about it. Probably a lot.
No one was more surprised than me when it ended up being a lot of fun! Well, once my terror subsided.
You see, camels have an odd gait. I thought I was going to fall off with every step. I was also worried that one of the other camels in the line would bite me. Camels have a reputation as not being the friendliest creatures ever. But once I felt confident that I wasn't going to end up in the hospital, I started enjoying the trip.We traveled through a dried out river bed--and yes, I did worry about a flash flood suddenly swooping down on us and whisking camels away.
The trip ended at a vineyard where we had dinner and tasted wine. Well, my parents did. I'm not much of a wine drinker. Then we got in vans for the trip back to the hotel. They probably didn't want guests on camels after the wine or in the dark.
I try to remember this when it comes to being open to new experiences. Here I'd resisted and groused about the camel trip and it ended up being an awesome time.
November 3, 2015
Hers and Shes
After a couple of chapters that wrote fairly quickly for me, I suddenly became bogged down in the third chapter. I mulled, I rewrote, I mulled some more, but nothing seemed to get the slowness, the awkwardness out of it. I kept writing anyway and then epiphany!
You see, I had my heroine and another woman who was manning the counter of a coffeehouse discussing my heroine's deceased aunt and then the woman who owns the coffeehouse making an appearance. Yeah. All those shes and hers. It was a mess. An awkward and unwieldy mess. And as I was thinking about all the gymnastics I was going through to differentiate between the women, I had my doh! moment. Too many women.
I'm not sure why it took me so long to figure it out because once I got it, it became crystal clear. The secondary server at the coffeehouse isn't needed. The owner, however, is necessary since she'd destined to become one of my heroine's best friends.
Sorry, Miss Rosa, you've been cut from the story.
You see, I had my heroine and another woman who was manning the counter of a coffeehouse discussing my heroine's deceased aunt and then the woman who owns the coffeehouse making an appearance. Yeah. All those shes and hers. It was a mess. An awkward and unwieldy mess. And as I was thinking about all the gymnastics I was going through to differentiate between the women, I had my doh! moment. Too many women.
I'm not sure why it took me so long to figure it out because once I got it, it became crystal clear. The secondary server at the coffeehouse isn't needed. The owner, however, is necessary since she'd destined to become one of my heroine's best friends.
Sorry, Miss Rosa, you've been cut from the story.
November 1, 2015
A Brief History of the English Monarchy
Um, still about 9 minutes long, but considering all the ground that's covered, that is pretty brief.
October 29, 2015
NaNoWriMo
NaNoWriMo time is fast approaching again--for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, it stands for National Novel Writing Month. The idea behind it is to write 50,000 words in the month of November. I'm not sure why November since once Thanksgiving week hits, writing time is hard to come by, but this is when it happens every year.
I've tried to do NaNoWriMo a few different years, but always end up failing miserably. Part of the problem is that I am not a fast draft writer. It makes me bonkers. The go back and flesh it out later part? Totally doesn't work for me. As I'm writing, I'm getting ideas. I need to turn them over in my mind and make decisions. Going back to it even a month later (and let's face it, December is a difficult month to write at all because of the holidays and shopping and baking and events, etc.) means those thoughts and maybes are gone. Write it down? Um, why don't I just mull it over then and there and decide whether or not to use it?
Some writers love fast drafting. They love going back later to layer emotion and all the rest of it in. I don't. Once the story is told (and fast drafting is telling the story), I want to finish and be done with it. I don't want to spend another five months revising. I want to work on the next story. This is also why I don't do extensive pre-planning. Once the story is told I am ready to be done with it. It doesn't matter if it's a 40 page outline or a fast draft.
So what inevitably happens with NaNoWriMo is that I fall farther behind on word count every day. At the end of one week, It seems hopeless to ever catch up. This is usually about the time I quit. Sometimes I don't even make it a week before the hopelessness drowns me.
And despite this, I'm still contemplating whether or not to put myself back into this hell. I'm leaning toward no right now, but we'll see.
I've tried to do NaNoWriMo a few different years, but always end up failing miserably. Part of the problem is that I am not a fast draft writer. It makes me bonkers. The go back and flesh it out later part? Totally doesn't work for me. As I'm writing, I'm getting ideas. I need to turn them over in my mind and make decisions. Going back to it even a month later (and let's face it, December is a difficult month to write at all because of the holidays and shopping and baking and events, etc.) means those thoughts and maybes are gone. Write it down? Um, why don't I just mull it over then and there and decide whether or not to use it?
Some writers love fast drafting. They love going back later to layer emotion and all the rest of it in. I don't. Once the story is told (and fast drafting is telling the story), I want to finish and be done with it. I don't want to spend another five months revising. I want to work on the next story. This is also why I don't do extensive pre-planning. Once the story is told I am ready to be done with it. It doesn't matter if it's a 40 page outline or a fast draft.
So what inevitably happens with NaNoWriMo is that I fall farther behind on word count every day. At the end of one week, It seems hopeless to ever catch up. This is usually about the time I quit. Sometimes I don't even make it a week before the hopelessness drowns me.
And despite this, I'm still contemplating whether or not to put myself back into this hell. I'm leaning toward no right now, but we'll see.
October 27, 2015
Image-Centric
I like to collect pictures as I write a story. It's easier to keep track of things if I have a visual reference. I like floor plans for homes/apartments, pictures of vehicles and places, but most importantly, I like pictures of the characters, particularly the hero and heroine. Not only does this help me keep track of hair and eye color, but it also offers me insight into who they are as people.
The only thing I don't like is looking for the pictures. :-/ Mostly I hate looking for pictures of the hero and/or heroine. It can take forever and I have a patience problem.
This all came into play when I was looking for pictures for the Work In Progress (WIP). I actually found the heroine fairly quickly--sometimes I get lucky--and I picked a picture for the hero. Did you notice the difference for the two characters? I found one and picked the other. I bet you can guess what happened: The picture I picked didn't work.
Oh, I tried to make it work. It's good enough, I argued, but it wasn't. Finally, I had no choice except to go looking for the real hero. Yes, it did take forever. But the guy I found ended up being exactly the right one to portray my hero.
New problem--the book is part of a trilogy and all three heroines are in book 1. I still need a picture of heroine 3. She did not turn up quickly. I'm also uncertain if the image I have for hero number 2 is right. If I'm wondering, it probably means I don't. Hero 2 is in book 1, too, and has already been in a scene. Despite this, I don't have a strong sense of his appearance. I hate when that happens.
The only thing I don't like is looking for the pictures. :-/ Mostly I hate looking for pictures of the hero and/or heroine. It can take forever and I have a patience problem.
This all came into play when I was looking for pictures for the Work In Progress (WIP). I actually found the heroine fairly quickly--sometimes I get lucky--and I picked a picture for the hero. Did you notice the difference for the two characters? I found one and picked the other. I bet you can guess what happened: The picture I picked didn't work.
Oh, I tried to make it work. It's good enough, I argued, but it wasn't. Finally, I had no choice except to go looking for the real hero. Yes, it did take forever. But the guy I found ended up being exactly the right one to portray my hero.
New problem--the book is part of a trilogy and all three heroines are in book 1. I still need a picture of heroine 3. She did not turn up quickly. I'm also uncertain if the image I have for hero number 2 is right. If I'm wondering, it probably means I don't. Hero 2 is in book 1, too, and has already been in a scene. Despite this, I don't have a strong sense of his appearance. I hate when that happens.
