David Hadley's Blog, page 32

You Cannot Have a War Without Mud

The shadows creep across the end of the day like wounded crawling from the battlefield, knowing the dark night is catching them up. Once the darkness takes them, they know they will never see the light again. Sometimes, though, especially in the cold grey mists of morning, it does feel like we have lived toos

Inter-Village Orgy League: Match Report

We are now approaching the halfway point in this year’s Upper Thyghspreader Inter-Village Orgy League. I am pleased to say that our Little-Frigging in the Wold team is in a very strong position in the top six, just 7 points, one submission and a confused mallard duck behind the league leaders, Titten-Growper. We are capables

The Door into the Stories

I was frightened. We all were. They say the waiting is the hardest part, and that is true. We all were too scared to think, to hope to dream, to fear. You hear rumours, of course. But back in the Learning, they told us it did not matter what we felt, whether we hoped, dreameds

Celebrity Wardrobe Malfunctions

Recently the world of entertainment has been rocked by reports of the increasing problem of celebrity wardrobe malfunctions. For example, there was an incident at the last Oscars ceremony where celebrities gathered to give each other meaningless statuettes. The assembled stars – and the fans who had come along to gawp at them – weres

When the Snow Wipes the World Clean Again

It makes you wonder, Marie thought. Sometimes the world out there is stranger than it ought to be. Sometimes, it seems as though this is not the same world you remember. Sometimes it feels as though overnight everything you thought you knew and understood about this world has been taken away and replaced with somethings

Fruit-Based Perversions

Oranges are not the only fruit useful for perversions. A raspberry placed with care and accuracy on a cake shop manageress can often be very rewarding indeed. As can – of course – red seedless grapes arranged, in either series or parallel, on the postmistress of your choice. As for pomegranates and librarians… well, thats

Christmas Charity Appeal

The world’s most famous film star, Pumpkin Dropincentre, was yesterday announced as the face of a brand new charity. This new charity has been set up to help counter what has become one of the most serious problems of the modern age. As Dropincentre herself said at the launch of the new charity, ‘for fars

Crop Circles

‘Sshh, they’ll hear,’ Shala hissed. ‘Sorry.’ It had seemed like a good idea back in the Inn, as do many such ideas. But the ropes and the planks were awkward to carry. ‘Are you sure this is wise?’ Shala looked worried now. I could see the doubt in her eyes in the moonlight. The moonlights

How To Do Perversion – Part One

Well, now, of course if you have a well-lubricated llama (I find a good rubbing with linseed oil rather invigorating myself, but for the llama any old oil will do). Then you can proceed to the next step. This is, obviously enough, to make sure that the traffic warden is securely fastened to the tables

UK Government Announces New Science Strategy

Yesterday, the UK Government announced that from next year it will begin closing all scientific research establishments and cut all science research funding for British universities and other research projects. Instead, the government has decided to put all their scientific research money into increasing use of tabloid article comments. As a government spokesperson said, ‘times