David Hadley's Blog, page 114

Lying Like Dust

Lying Like Dust

What can become of us, out here
where time goes on around us all?
What can we do, what can we say?

when there is time and there is stillness
right at its heart. The single point
where every second lasts forever,

if only we knew how to hold
on tight to it, so it does not
just slip away into the past

unnoticed and unused, then gone.
There's nothing else to say, not now
the words have all been used and lost.

Each spoken and then left to die
on breezes dancing dust around
the air between us. Every word

a mote that floats on through the light
until it's lost in silent shadows.
Lying like the heaping dust
on all forgotten memories.

The Route She Travels

It takes a movement. Hands poised above the body as though waiting for the duet to begin. The music of motion and the feel of touching skin against the fingertips, circling around the possible to take her beyond the here and the mundane. Taking her into that world she travels alone when my fingers open up the route for her.

My tongue can touch, hesitant, but sure, tentative but certain. Taking its time to trace the routes around, in and through which will set her off down that path she takes to that garden where it is always spring growing into summer. A place where those first hesitant sighs and shivers grow to take flower deep within her, far beyond this place of touch and skin against skin.

Each whispered breath takes the tongue deeper, further down the road she's travelling, taking her there. Taking time and twisting it inside out. So she encompasses all of time within her as space expands to become an eternity that lasts for the forever. It takes her back to arch and her thighs to tense and then relax... before tensing once more as she now starts to run down that path, heading for a place that goes beyond mere home. It welcomes her into its strong enfolding arms and holder closer to herself than she would otherwise ever know.

Her hand reaches, pulls, entangles itself in sheets as her toes curl tight on tensing legs and her mouth opens in a silent moan. Then she arrives at the place the path has brought her to, and eyes screwed tight she encloses it all within herself in one long existence-affirming 'Yes!'

Something… or Other

As you were… but perhaps this time without the pogo-stick and the overly intimate contact with the wood pigeon, if you don’t mind, that is.

This… er… blo… load of bolloc… this… whatever it is… does normally operate a somewhat informal dress code. However, full-frontal nudity is not normally the mode of dre… undress usually employed by those perusing these words of wisdo… this… er… stuff. Especially not when utilising their hand-held in such a flamboyant manner and with such over-elaborate gesture control.

Still, anyway, if we could get around to the subject of the day, as you are no-doubt eager to get on with whatever it is you do. That is when not disporting yourself to all and sundry in such a manner whilst feverishly stroking your… like we said.

Anyway, Rome wasn’t built in a day, as they say. Although, why they should say such a thing is somewhat of a mystery. After all, it is patently obvious that no builder in the history of the universe has ever built anything in just one day; we will leave for a more historically aware missive than this one. This missive today, however, will be about… er… something… or other….

Perhaps….

So… .

Hang on….

I hope you don’t mind me asking, but… is it supposed to do that?

Oh, I see….

And the doctor assured you it was perfectly normal, did he?

Right….

Actually, I’ve just remembered I’ve got rather an urgent appointment… on a distant continent.

So, if you would excuse me…?

If you wouldn’t mind just stepping to one side a bit. After all, I wouldn’t want to get too close to…. Are you sure the doctor didn’t mention anything about it doing that?

Right.

Thank you. No, It’s all right, I’m sure it will wash off… eventually.

Bye!

When the Aliens Came

So, anyway, as it turned out, it was not what everyone had expected after all.

When the starships first appeared on the long-range detectors and orbiting telescopes, of course there was some initial panic about the alien invaders. Soon the first few score ships were in orbit around most of the outer planets of the solar system, with hundreds more on the way. There was a great deal of discussion between various governments about what would happen when the obviously superior aliens knocked them off the gravy trai… invaded. The governments did not know whether the aliens would kill, farm or eradicate the Earth’s population, or if we were all just in for a planet-wide intimate probing.

However, once the ships had begun parking in orbit around Mars and Earth, with a few smaller ships around the various moons, it became increasingly obvious that this was no alien invasion whatsoever.

In fact, the conspiracy theorists were all rather disappointed. The various world politicians and government officials were relieved that their cushy perks and privileges were safe. Apparently, the aliens had no interest in the Earth, or its human population, whatsoever.

However, a month the alien ships disappeared as suddenly as they arrived. Subsequently an amateur astronomer who’d intercepted some of the alien inter-ship communications released those communications onto the web. Further analysis revealed the aliens used our entire solar system merely as an overspill ship parking space for an important galactic wedding ceremony in a nearby galaxy. So it appeared the so-called alien invasion had nothing to do with Earth at all.

Good news for everyone, people thought. However, for a good many people on Earth it was almost unbearable to discover that – despite what their enormous friend count on social media implied - they were not the centre of the universe after all.

Health Warning

So, anyway….

There it was standing tall, proud and… oh, hang on. No….

Sorry, I was thinking of something else then.

Maybe one day I’ll tell you about it… when we know one another a little better and there is less chance of any misunderstanding leading to distressing legal action and/or 4-page picture spreads in the more excitable tabloids.

So, anyway, where was I?

Ah, yes. As I was standi….

The other thing?

No, you don’t want to know about that, especially if you are about to eat, or have just eaten. A commissioning editor on one of the low-audience Sharks and Shock Horror channels would even blanch and study the small print on his contract when asked to commission a programme about such a subject.

It is best you don’t know.

Trust me….

Oh, all right, then… don’t. After all, it is no skin off my…. No, forget I said that.

No, it has absolutely nothing to do with that… it was just a figure of speech.

No, I always look like this… and I do always stand like this.

I wish I hadn’t mentioned it now.

You are not going to shut up about this, are you?

….

…..

All right, meet me around the back of the blog in ten minutes… and bring a torch….

And a magnifying glass.

If you could get one of those paper bags they give you on aeroplanes too, that might be a good idea.

And remember, I did warn you.

A Time of Slowness

 

It was a time of slowness, when the days hang suspended in the warm sunshine and last well into the evening before a soft warm star-filled night lowered itself over us like soft bedclothes.

Each morning awoke with the dawn, unhurried as though the morning could wait all day for us to emerge out into the gentle green. The meadow sprinkled with the bright flowers as though some benevolent creatures of the night had spread them there for us.

Even the sea below the cliff was calm, clear and gentle as the waves whispered all the secrets of the oceans to the waiting beach. We would walk there each morning, along the already warming edge of the sea, lapping over our bare feet as we strolled hand in hand, in no hurry to turn towards the rest of the day.

It was one of those times we all think we would like to last forever, mainly because they never do. Humankind – as we know deep down – could not cope with paradise or any heaven. We cannot bear contentment, or even happiness, for too long. We know a life without the contrasts, the hardships becomes another load too heavy to bear.

So, in the end, after the holiday we looked at each other as I drove back down those roads we'd escaped along. Both eager to be free and each of us knowing we were glad to be going back to that life we'd yearned to escape from for so long.

Flowing Back

 

Flowing Back

Walking away from moments we once thought
always could last, despite the seasons changing
around us and despite the rain that falls.

We stood inside a bright eternal moment,
the briefest time that will last us forever,
a solid memory that will not crumble
and fall on down to dusty ground beneath
like many other lost forgotten moments.

We shared a time and then that time was gone
with only empty space around us both
as distances between us turned to loss.

But still that moment comes on back around
all flowing down on through the years between
and into memory, untarnished by
the times that passed and all the rains that fell.

Into the Day

These were the days that fell into our hands. We took them, as though they were something precious, and laid them out here in our hall of memories, saving them for times when the days no longer fell into our hands. Saving them for times when we no longer saw the dawn rise over us as though the day was there, ready to take.

We kept those times precious: like jewelled memories, as if they were some key we could use to open better times when those doors were locked against us. Those times the world turned us away from itself. Times when we could no longer face the slow falling of the days past our closed windows while we stared, waiting to find a way to unlock the door that kept us from stepping out into the day.

There were times when we walked together. Hand in hand, walking towards the possibilities those days held out to us in open palms. Those times when we thought there would always be more days wanting for us to step into them. Days that would take us forward into a future that would stretch as far as seeing goes.

We did not expect the world to turn away from us, to lock the door on the future and keep its days to itself. Now, we sit and wait for time to bring us a few meagre days that no longer shine and sparkle with promise. Instead, we turn away from our window, and the locked door. We walk these corridors back to that hall of bright memories, where the bright days wait for us to step back into them and remember.

The Fruits of History

As she said at the time, ‘You don’t get many of those to the pound.’ This is – I suppose - true enough, even in these days of metrication.

But, then, as Hemingway himself so rightly said ‘That’s the way it is with watermelons.’

Of course, – in the original edition - Shakespeare’s Macbeth so famously said ‘Is this a pomegranate I see before me?’ And – scandalously even for the Elizabethan period – the Bard had Richard III at Bosworth crying ‘My kingdom for a Cox’s.’ Although, recent scholarship has laid to rest the claim that he actually wanted a Golden Delicious, or even as some anti-Plantagenet propaganda had it – a Granny Smith.

Still we all know about Henry VIII and his plums, so any over-familiarity of royalty with fruit has become the stuff of myth and legend. The most obvious of course being Charles II and his attempt to squeeze Nell Gwyn’s oranges.

After all, would Julius Caesar have not crossed the Rubicon without the promise of a nice juicy Satsuma on the other side?

It is now well-understood the so-called Norman invasion of 1066 would have been little more than a day-trip across the channel. That is if it were not that Edward the Confessor had promised William the Bastard all the pears he could get his hands on.

As for the discovery of America, most historians now agree it would not have happened had Spain enough dates and figs of their own. Without Europeans wanting to find an alternative route to the Middle East, America would have lain undiscovered until at least the next afternoon. Thus those seeking quick access to some of the largest fruit and vegetable retailers in the then known world were responsible for finding a completely new continent and the eventual discovery of the pineapple.

Something for the Weekend - Free Kindle Humour: Grand Uncle Stagnant and the Summer of Love

Grand Uncle Stagnant and the Summer of Love

Available now here (UK) or here (US)

Yet more outpourings and ejaculations from Norbert Trouser-Quandary's notably upstanding organ, featuring more tales of the doings and goings-on in that most delightfully perverted of England’s rural villages: Little Frigging in the Wold.

This volume of tales from Little Frigging features the adventures of Grand Uncle Stagnant back in the summer of love where he hears about the concept of free love and – almost immediately – stops issuing invoices.

Other tales in this volume detail the history of the Hot Strumpets on Wheels service, the uses of high visibility fetish gear, Little Frigging in the Wold – the computer game, the appendage of a hands-free pole-vaulter, pancakes and perversions and the Great Fire of Little Frigging.

Grand Uncle Stagnant and the Summer of Love also contains many other intriguing events and happenings from the village and its environs, including the erotic use of the toolshed as well as pointers on the tactical subtleties of the Inter-Village Orgy match and much, much more.

Grand Uncle Stagnant and the Summer of Love

Available now here (UK) or here (US)

Further collections of tales from Little Frigging in the Wold can be found in: Little Frigging in the Wold and Sex, Pies and Sticky Tape.

Grand Uncle Stagnant and the Summer of Love

Available now here (UK) or here (US)

Some comments on David Hadley's writing:
“I think I just broke all my vital organs laughing”
“another one of yours I truly enjoyed, “Old Feebletrousers” love it!”
“Loved this piece. Very funny and energetic….”
“funny stuff!”
“that was brilliant!”
“on the one hand I’m so glad I decided to read the rest of this collection (funniest thing I’ve read in a LONG time) but on the other hand I wish I hadn’t done it during dinner as I just sprayed barely masticated tomato all over my keyboard from laughing too hard”

Grand Uncle Stagnant and the Summer of Love

Available now here (UK) or here (US)