Andi Jaxon's Blog, page 2
May 30, 2020
His life matters.
I haven't said much about the murder of Mr. Floyd or the racial injustices happening every day in this country.
Partly, because I didn't know what to say. Partly, because I've had to re-evaluate my own thinking.
I've always thought that rioting was senseless, childlike, and just an excuse for people to destroy things. Now? My view has changed. People are angry and they have EVERY right to be. Peaceful protests haven't worked. What do you expect for people to do when they do things the "right" way but still nothing changes? Lives are being taken. In broad daylight. By people who sore to protect the countries citizens.
Our country, in the grand scheme of things, is very young. We're going through changes that the newer generations are demanding while the older generations are refusing to give into. Our own people are fighting each other, once again, for equality among it's citizens. It’s been 60 years since POC were given equal rights and segregation ended. Have we learned nothing? It's 2020, why are we doing this again?
I will admit when Kaepernick kneeled during the anthem, I was angry. My husband is active duty military with multiple deployments under his belt. He spends months out to sea on a submarine so Kaepernick can throw a ball and get paid millions. In a sport predominately played by black men, what did he have to complain about? Now? I get it. I'm sorry that it took the public murder of a man, crying out for help while being suffocated, for me to see it. I'm sorry. I was wrong.
I've never cared about skin color or religious preference. I'll be friends with anyone. I like the differences people of different cultures bring to my life. I like to learn. I instill in my children the same mentality, every life has value.
I have a nephew that's mixed race. He's sweet, funny, friendly. He loves legos and playing with his cousin. And now, I'm terrified of what he will have to face as he grows up. He's only 6 but it won't be much longer before his curly black hair, warm brown eyes, and brown skin make him a target.
Now, I'm an advocate. I am a friend and a voice for people of color. Your life matters. His life matters. Black lives matter.
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January 31, 2020
To the bully I still hear in my head.
Fifth grade.
That’s when it started. For some reason, the fact that I breathed was reason enough for you to torment me. What did I do?
I’d known you for two years by then but that year, you made it your mission to make sure I didn’t have any friends. In case you thought otherwise, I know I was fat. I was also poor, like most of the kids in our school. Do you remember the day Dani asked to use my eraser? Secretly, I was so excited she asked me. I handed it over and she started to use it. You looked at her and said “Do you really want to use that? She touched it.”
My heart sank. A knot formed in my throat as I watched her look between you and the pencil she held in her hand. I saw the look of pity on her face when she placed it back on my desk, holding it with only two fingers. You probably don’t remember it but I will never forget it. It changed me. That was the day I realized just how much of an outcast I was. That’s the day I realized that no one in our school would be friends with me. Not really, anyway.
Most of my clothes came from the thrift store. Do you know how embarrassing that is? I stopped wearing shorts because my thighs were fat. Did you ever have to buy groceries with food stamps? You know, the ones where you had to rip the paper dollars out of a booklet? I was raised by a single mom of 2 who worked her ass off to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. She did the best she could and because of people like you, I was embarrassed.
Did you know that I slept on the floor with no blanket or pillow because I felt like I didn’t deserve them? I didn’t play with toys either, I obviously didn’t deserve those either. Did you know I started seeing a therapist that year?
Did you know, I lived through sexual trauma before moving here? That I was in my third school district in as many years? Did you know that every year since moving here, the friend I would make moved away over the summer and I had to start over every fall? How about my dad telling me things like “you can’t have another cookie because your too fat.” Did you know about that?
Of course you didn’t. You were too busy being insecure about being the shortest kid in our class so you picked on me to make yourself feel bigger. You had friends that you played with so you didn’t care that I was alone. That during recess, I was either by myself or in line for teether ball when I was feeling brave. Did you know that I am dyslexic and had a really hard time reading and writing? I wasn’t stupid, but you made sure I felt that way.
My mom had to pick me up at school and drop me off so I didn’t have to ride the bus. Do you know why? Because the kids on the bus didn’t want to sit next to me. When the bus ran out of room and someone was forced to sit next to me, they would groan with an ‘ooohhhh maaaan,’ before sitting as far away from me as possible. God forbid a third person had to sit on the same bench.
I was ten years old and had already moved 4 times, changed schools 3 times, been the victim of sexual abuse for a year by two attackers, had panic attacks when I was away from my mom, lost every friend I ever had, slept on the floor when I had a perfectly fine bed, told myself I shouldn’t eat since I was fat and no one loved me because of it, and hated myself for getting hungry and eating.
Can you imagine that kind of self loathing? Especially for a child. I. Was. A. Child. All I wanted was to be loved, accepted. I just wanted one friend. Was that really so much to ask? You bullied me so much that even the new kids to the school wouldn’t come near me.
You know the phrase about not letting someone else’s words have power over you because that lets them control you? I’ve heard that a lot since becoming an adult, but the little girl I used to be can’t get past how it felt when you asked Dani if she wanted to touch something I had touched.
Did you know I was afraid to have kids, particularly a little girl, because I was terrified she would be fat and someone would make her feel like I did that day. Now, I have three little girls and I’m still terrified someone will make one of them feel that way. Because of the way I was treated, I make sure my girls play with the outcasts, the new kids, the ones with no friends. My girls are friends with everyone and I will be damned if they ever make fun of anyone for anything.
Part of me still hates you for everything you put me through, part of me wants to thank you for forcing me to be stronger and instilling better values in my kids.
Signed,
The Brick
January 30, 2020
A letter I never got to send, to a girl that once meant the world.
Seventh grade.
That was the year we met. Do you remember? I don’t think I remember the day we became friends, we just were. You, me, and Red. As if the first day of school we found each other and just latched on, all three of us so desperate for friends. I had been with these same kids since third grade and had no friends to show for it. You and Red were new students. I vaguely remember feeling like I needed to introduce myself to you guys before anyone else had a chance to tell you I wasn’t friend material.
You had two long braids and big round glasses. I’ll never forget that. You loved books and chocolate, in that order. You inhaled books, and at the time, I just didn’t understand. I do now though. I wish we could discuss books now. You would probably hate my books but you would read them anyway. You would rip them apart and I’m sure we would fight, but in the end, you would make me a better writer. I’m betting your fixing my grammar right now.
Do you remember when Red trimmed her hair and every time the wind blew, she had horns? We would laugh so hard. Or the time you guys all thought it would be a great idea to ride scooters down Blue Horse canyon and Matt ended up with two broken arms? I tried to tell you guys it was a bad idea, I wrecked my bike on that damn canyon once, took the top layers of skin off my arm. We spent so many weekends at Red’s house. Oh man, do you remember the fart bomb wars? HA! They smelled so bad! We would chuck those bitches like they were grenades and hope the boys didn’t see them before they exploded. Somehow, they always did and they would end up exploding on us.
How about the smiley face gumballs that one halloween? We found those in the gravel at Red’s house for years afterward. That halloween was so cold sleeping in the garage, everyone piled around Tony. And the stupid scary movies that you and Tony loved to watch just to fuck with me.
There were so many good times in the six years we were friends. Sure, we had fights, but we always figured it out and came back. I mean, I wouldn’t have found Laurel K Hamilton books without you. I probably wouldn’t be writing books now if you hadn’t of turned me onto books that sucked me. You were my book dealer, you and Red. You fed me paranormal sex infused goodness while Red passed me Nora Roberts.
Those last few months, before we stopped speaking, those were hard. We fought so much. Every time we talked, we would get into a fight. Every. Time. I was so angry with you and you with me. I know now that you were jealous, that you felt like I was leaving you and Red behind, but I was just trying to survive. I had to work to pay rent while going to school, I didn’t have much extra time and I definitely didn’t have the money for the gas to go out to see you guys. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry you guys weren’t as high of a priority as you deserved to be.
Once my anger passed, I looked for you. I hope you know that. I tried to find you on social media outlets. I looked often but never found you. I didn’t have a email address and frankly, I was too scared to called you. I was scared you hated me and I couldn’t face hearing it in your voice. I’m sorry for that too. I drove past the house you grew up in once, when I was back in town. Your grandparents had moved and I remember sitting in my car and just wishing I could give you a hug.
I want to know everything you’ve done over the last 15 years. Did you ever meet a man or woman who made your heart race? Did you fall in love and hope for marriage? Did you want to have kids? What made you decide to go to Oregon for school? What did you study? Did you have a job? Friends? What bands did you love? TV shows? What authors did you discover and fall in love with?
I’m so fucking proud of you for graduating from University of Oregon. It’s a huge accomplishment. I wish I could have been there to see you do it. I’m so sorry you’re life ended the way it did. I know first hand how terrifying it is to roll your car. I still see mine sometimes. I hope you weren’t in pain for long. I hope when you passed in your Grandma’s arms, you were at peace. Surrounded by the woman who loved you more than life itself, the woman who raised you. I hope you weren’t scared or hurting. Mostly, I hope that you’re up there watching over her, helping her find comfort after your passing.
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February 7, 2019
SEAL'ed Box Set is Live!
The entire SEAL'ed series by Andi Jaxon and AJ Alexander plus a never-before-seen epilogue is now yours to own!
One click now!
Get it ONLY on Amazon!!
Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2HLlmAk
Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2MNYNK0
Amazon CA: https://amzn.to/2UADFJZ
Amazon AU: https://amzn.to/2D7yb2r
Or read for #FREE in KindleUnlimited!!!
BLURB:
SEAL’ed: The Complete Series, contains all five books of the romantic and action-packed series. Included in this set is HONOR, LOVE, FATE, POWER, AND FAITH along with an EXCLUSIVE never before released epilogue.
Sometimes you have to push beyond your own personal boundaries to find your own happily ever after.
ADD TO YOUR TBR → http://bit.ly/2Szt4ye
As part of the RELEASE WEEK CELEBRATIONS you could win SIGNED COPIES of the ORIGINAL COVERS of the ENTIRE SEAL'ed SERIES!!
To enter, CLICK HERE: http://bit.ly/2GgAwv8
April 16, 2018
Craze Re-Release!
More AB, more Elliot, more Psycho! Not only is there more to read, but it's also getting a face lift! Popkitty Designs is redesigning the cover and it's gorgeous, as they always are. Are you ready for this?
You will also get the BONUS look at what happens to AB and her Psycho after they get their Happily Ever After.
I would both love your support in promoting this series! If you are a Blogger please sign up here: http://bit.ly/2HpqBSj
If you are not a blogger but would like to the chance to read and review Craze, please sign up here: http://bit.ly/2qngQfC
Coming to a Kindle Near you May 17th, 2018
Add to your TBR Today: http://bit.ly/CrazeAJ
April 6, 2018
Series Announcement!
The SEAL’ed series is angsty, addicting, and at times downright naughty in all the right ways. Join our team of Navy SEALs on a wild ride that lands them in the most unsuspecting places, but always with a Happily Ever After.
The first book in the series, HONOR is schedule to release June 27th!
Add to your TBR: http://bit.ly/SEALedBook1
#Blurb
Logan has been running from a death bed promise for years, but he’s finally decided to face his fears and claim his forever. Now all he has to do is convince her to take another chance on love.
Katie buried her husband and made peace with never finding a love that strong again. But when a smooth-talking cowboy asks her to dance, fireworks explode, leaving them both desperate for more.
However, their happiness is darkened by a secret – the secret of who he really is.
****
The entire series will be 5 books long set to release about 6 weeks a part
Book Two: Love
Release Date: August 8th, 2018
Goodreads link: http://bit.ly/SEALedBook2
Book Three: Fate
Release Date: September 19th, 2018
Goodreads link: http://bit.ly/SEALedBook3
Book Four: Power
Release Date: November 11th, 2018
Goodreads link: http://bit.ly/SEALedBook4
Book Five: Faith
Release Date: December 12th, 2018
Goodreads Link: http://bit.ly/SEALedBook5
#SEAL’ed #AndiJaxon #NewSeries #June27th #LoganandKatie #SecondChanceRomance #Comingsoon #MustRead #IndieAuthor
March 19, 2018
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March 16, 2018
Release Boost Sign Up!
Read and Review: ARCs will go out 3/12 with reviews due 3/23
Release Boost: Mar. 19th-23rd
The Good Doctor
If you are a member of MAAH Master Blogger List, you will already receive this promotional package.
The package will be sent two days prior to the start of the event and will include plain text, HTML text and easy to copy & past social media posts with images.
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March 9, 2018
The Good Doctor Excerpt!
Through the entire trip, Isabel keeps her cool and calmly tells Sophie ‘no’ even when she pouts. The pouty lip pulls my heartstrings, so I take pity on her, she’s had a long day.
“Hey, Sophie, why don’t you help me pick an ice cream flavor? What’s your favorite?” I ask her.
Her entire face lights up like it’s Christmas morning. She starts to answer but looks at Isabel first, when she nods that it’s okay, Sophie lets out a little squeal of excitement.
“I can really pick the ice cream?” she looks at me like I’ll take it back, but I would never do that.
“Yup, you get to pick,” I tell her.
“CHOCOLATE!” she shouts.
Her answer makes me laugh, even though Isabel is telling her to calm down and not be so loud in the store.
“Alright, Sophie. Let’s go pick some ice cream.” Turning to Isabel, I ask, “Mind if I push her?”
Surprised at the offer, Isabel says, “Oh…Um…okay.”
Stepping up to the cart, I start to jog then jump onto the bottom bar of the shopping cart. It’s been a long time since I took a joy ride on a cart, but Sophie’s squeal of laughter makes up for the dirty looks. I can’t control my own laughter as I get the cart under control and wait for Isabel to catch up to us.
“That was fun!” Sophie exclaims, “Can we do it again?”
Before I get a chance, Isabel responds for me, “No, Sophie. That’s enough excitement for tonight.”
She tries to look stern, but she’s hiding a smile as well. We make our way to the ice cream cooler, and I tell Sophie to pick whatever one she wants.
“I want the chocolate one,” she tells me.
“Just plain old chocolate? No marshmallows or peanut butter or caramel?” I ask. I can’t believe she just wants plain chocolate.
“Nope. Just chocolate,” she tells me, putting her hands on her hips. “What’s wrong with just chocolate?”
Putting my hands in the air in surrender, I respond by saying,
“Just checking, sweet pea.”
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Universal Amazon Link: http://mybook.to/thegooddoctor
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