Cameron Darrow's Blog, page 5
July 29, 2022
State of the Book
Book 6 is still in beta and I'm still in the middle of re-reading the entire series, so I thought I would give a little update on what's happening and what to expect going forward.
All the things!
When I get the book back from beta and have compiled all the feedback and whatnot, I will have a much firmer idea of when I can release it. I have a date penciled in, but it will depend on how much work the book will need. Knowing that will start the dominoes falling, and the last one is publishing! There is a lot more going on around the release of this book, so it won't be my usual 'Surprise! Book's out!' release strategy.
I want to tell you about those other things, but honestly I'm not in complete control of all of the factors, so I can't go into any detail other than to say I plan to finally have the series out in more than one format. If you can read between the lines there, you can probably imagine how much work is going on behind the scenes to get it done. It will be worth it!
With all the things I'm juggling I won't speculate as to a release date, but suffice it to say that barring some unforeseen calamity it will be out this year. Specific, I know, but after the last few years, even that feels bold!
What about the title? Ah, well, that will be soon, hopefully with the cover. That's one of the big dominoes, and one of the flashiest arrows in my Hype Quiver, so I will play it when the time is right. Needless to say, I will announce it both here and on Twitter. I can't post images here, so when I post the cover I will include a link in the announcement. (If you've read this far, you deserve a clue: it's two words, and if we're counting by letters/punctuation, by far the shortest of the series. Spoiler: no, it's not The End.)
One of the biggest things I have left to do is write the description, and that process is a blog post of its own. That will be closer to when it goes up on Amazon, since that's when I truly need it.
Right now, Book 6 is the second-shortest in the series by word count, but that's mostly a product of my style changing and getting less verbose. Every book since Fires has been shorter than the one before it; right now this one slots in between 4 and 5 in terms of length.
I am looking very much forward to sharing the last book in the series with you, but I'm going to do it right. You and the series both deserve it. Every second I have spent on it has been a labor of love, and I hope you're looking forward to seeing what happens. These books have been a major part of my life for the better part of a decade, so to bid these characters and this world goodbye is going to be bittersweet. But not yet! Plenty more to do still.
All the things!
When I get the book back from beta and have compiled all the feedback and whatnot, I will have a much firmer idea of when I can release it. I have a date penciled in, but it will depend on how much work the book will need. Knowing that will start the dominoes falling, and the last one is publishing! There is a lot more going on around the release of this book, so it won't be my usual 'Surprise! Book's out!' release strategy.
I want to tell you about those other things, but honestly I'm not in complete control of all of the factors, so I can't go into any detail other than to say I plan to finally have the series out in more than one format. If you can read between the lines there, you can probably imagine how much work is going on behind the scenes to get it done. It will be worth it!
With all the things I'm juggling I won't speculate as to a release date, but suffice it to say that barring some unforeseen calamity it will be out this year. Specific, I know, but after the last few years, even that feels bold!
What about the title? Ah, well, that will be soon, hopefully with the cover. That's one of the big dominoes, and one of the flashiest arrows in my Hype Quiver, so I will play it when the time is right. Needless to say, I will announce it both here and on Twitter. I can't post images here, so when I post the cover I will include a link in the announcement. (If you've read this far, you deserve a clue: it's two words, and if we're counting by letters/punctuation, by far the shortest of the series. Spoiler: no, it's not The End.)
One of the biggest things I have left to do is write the description, and that process is a blog post of its own. That will be closer to when it goes up on Amazon, since that's when I truly need it.
Right now, Book 6 is the second-shortest in the series by word count, but that's mostly a product of my style changing and getting less verbose. Every book since Fires has been shorter than the one before it; right now this one slots in between 4 and 5 in terms of length.
I am looking very much forward to sharing the last book in the series with you, but I'm going to do it right. You and the series both deserve it. Every second I have spent on it has been a labor of love, and I hope you're looking forward to seeing what happens. These books have been a major part of my life for the better part of a decade, so to bid these characters and this world goodbye is going to be bittersweet. But not yet! Plenty more to do still.
July 21, 2022
Growth Charts
With Book 6 now in beta, I finally have the head space to go back and re-read the entire From the Ashes of Victory series from beginning to end, and so far it has been quite the journey.
For as much as I wanted to keep the voice of the series consistent, I am very much not the same author who wrote Remember, November. I love that book and I am still proud of it (especially as a first novel), but it makes me genuinely uncomfortable to read again (not kidding, I was exhausted when I finished it). The entire time I was squirming in my skin, wanting to change every other word, slapping my forehead with all of the unforced errors... but most of my issues with it are stylistic.
The foundations are strong. The characters are there, the world, the magic, the relationships, everything that would become the Ashes series is in there. There are a thousand things I would change about it if I had to go back and re-write it knowing what I know now, (and I did tweak a few minor things like typos and some of the more convoluted grammar, that update will be going up soon), but I think it's important to sometimes re-visit where you started so you can better appreciate where you are.
Even the growth between books 1 and 2 is notable, Fires of Winter reads (to me) like a more mature, polished book, even though it came out only a few months after November. Maybe it was the addition of Katya to the cast that did it, I don't know.
Speaking of, what I am truly proud of beyond my own growth as an author is the growth and change of the characters. Going from the end of the series back to the beginning really put into perspective how much the characters have changed. That's always been the objective, of course, but it's not always easy to see when you're in the middle of it. I have had these characters in my head for over six years, the changes they've undergone have been slow and piecemeal, book by book. Taking that all away and just looking at the sharp contrast between books 1 and 6 is... illustrative, to say the least.
I am a character-first writer, they are always the first thing I come up with and they take precedence over the plot every time. Don't get me wrong, plot is important, but characters make you care about it and want to re-visit it. Just finding out what happens next is nice and all, but once that load is shot there's not much left. Story springs from the characters--character growth is the story. The story of From the Ashes of Victory isn't about the events like the Flying Circus or Versailles, is about found family, love, friendship and sisterhood; the power of working together to positive purpose, helping each other. The story is Victoria. Katya. Millie. Elise. Ivy, all of them. They are what it's about, and the story I set out to tell.
They were my motivation--to make sure their story got told, both because they deserved it and because I was the only one who could. There will never be another Victoria Ravenwood, nor another Katya Gurevich. My Millie Brown is the Millie Brown, but the Millie Brown who awakens in the opening scene of Book 1 is not the Millie Brown who [SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS] Book 6.
I don't know that I have it in me to ever write a series like this again, so to be able to look back over the sum total of what I've done and be happy with it is... I don't even know yet. It's not done. Nor is it perfect, but when I go back to where it was and arrive again at how it ends...
Well, I will leave the qualitative judgment up to you.
For me? I write about history for a reason. There is much to learn by looking back, and much to miss by failing to do so. The odometer can only tell you how far you've gone. You have to turn around and look to see how far you've come.
For as much as I wanted to keep the voice of the series consistent, I am very much not the same author who wrote Remember, November. I love that book and I am still proud of it (especially as a first novel), but it makes me genuinely uncomfortable to read again (not kidding, I was exhausted when I finished it). The entire time I was squirming in my skin, wanting to change every other word, slapping my forehead with all of the unforced errors... but most of my issues with it are stylistic.
The foundations are strong. The characters are there, the world, the magic, the relationships, everything that would become the Ashes series is in there. There are a thousand things I would change about it if I had to go back and re-write it knowing what I know now, (and I did tweak a few minor things like typos and some of the more convoluted grammar, that update will be going up soon), but I think it's important to sometimes re-visit where you started so you can better appreciate where you are.
Even the growth between books 1 and 2 is notable, Fires of Winter reads (to me) like a more mature, polished book, even though it came out only a few months after November. Maybe it was the addition of Katya to the cast that did it, I don't know.
Speaking of, what I am truly proud of beyond my own growth as an author is the growth and change of the characters. Going from the end of the series back to the beginning really put into perspective how much the characters have changed. That's always been the objective, of course, but it's not always easy to see when you're in the middle of it. I have had these characters in my head for over six years, the changes they've undergone have been slow and piecemeal, book by book. Taking that all away and just looking at the sharp contrast between books 1 and 6 is... illustrative, to say the least.
I am a character-first writer, they are always the first thing I come up with and they take precedence over the plot every time. Don't get me wrong, plot is important, but characters make you care about it and want to re-visit it. Just finding out what happens next is nice and all, but once that load is shot there's not much left. Story springs from the characters--character growth is the story. The story of From the Ashes of Victory isn't about the events like the Flying Circus or Versailles, is about found family, love, friendship and sisterhood; the power of working together to positive purpose, helping each other. The story is Victoria. Katya. Millie. Elise. Ivy, all of them. They are what it's about, and the story I set out to tell.
They were my motivation--to make sure their story got told, both because they deserved it and because I was the only one who could. There will never be another Victoria Ravenwood, nor another Katya Gurevich. My Millie Brown is the Millie Brown, but the Millie Brown who awakens in the opening scene of Book 1 is not the Millie Brown who [SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS] Book 6.
I don't know that I have it in me to ever write a series like this again, so to be able to look back over the sum total of what I've done and be happy with it is... I don't even know yet. It's not done. Nor is it perfect, but when I go back to where it was and arrive again at how it ends...
Well, I will leave the qualitative judgment up to you.
For me? I write about history for a reason. There is much to learn by looking back, and much to miss by failing to do so. The odometer can only tell you how far you've gone. You have to turn around and look to see how far you've come.
July 14, 2022
Guiding the Eye
Unlike other narrative media, I don't really have much control over how fast you consume my story. We all read at our own pace, and you are free to put down/get distracted from/fall asleep during my book at any time. You're not locked in a movie theater, there's no steady beat, so how can I have any influence on when something is especially dramatic or try to force you to take a beat and let a moment or line of dialogue sink in?
Well, there are a few tools.
One is using negative space. What is that? Blankness, where words aren't. Isolating a sentence/word by itself makes it stand out as important, and also forces the reader to move their eyes, giving just that little breathing space to whatever I wrote. I try not to use big blocks of text in my books, and one reason is that by breaking it up I can give it varying 'shapes'. Due to the way ebooks work, I don't have control over the size or font you use, so I can't shape it deliberately, but I can prevent it from becoming one monolith, which helps it go by faster and draws the eye to things that are important or emphasizes who is talking/doing.
Contrary to what we might intuit, we (English speakers, at least), don't read words individually, one by one. When we read quickly, we take in the shapes and contours of words and derive meaning from that! Cool, right? (Also why some typos are so hard to catch, we literally don't see them sometimes.) It's why we find it more tiring when accents are written out (and why I chose not to write out Millie's), the 'shape' of the words are altered and we have to focus more. Paragraphs are the same way. If it's all lumped together, it must be connected; it's also easier to get 'lost' in, and long paragraphs also tend to use longer sentences, which can slow down the pace of reading. We understand this subconsciously, so by breaking them up and using negative space, I can draw your eye to the next line and the next--combining this with shorter, punchier sentences can speed things up!
A tool I use to draw emphasis or force a mental beat on you (fear my power! Haha!) in dialogue is being judicious where I put the 'said'. If a character says something important, and I want it to sit for a moment, I put the 'she said' right after it, even if it's in the middle of a much longer thought. Training sentences together makes them all feel equally important:
"No, I don't think that's a very good idea," she said.
"No," she said. "I don't think that's a very good idea."
Which 'no' sounds more emphatic? The second one, right? Especially if that character is normally shy or slow to volunteer an opinion, by putting the 'she said' there, it gives an extra beat for it to sink in that 'wow, she made a decision!'
Another one is sentence length and punctuation. Have you ever read a whole paragraph only to realize at the end that 'holy sh*t, that was one sentence?' Yeah. Not always great, but sometimes useful! It's kinda slow, but can also be exhausting. If I don't give you time to take a mental 'breath', then you might feel as tired as the character if I rattle off a dozen things she had to do that morning before she got a chance to eat anything. (Conversely, this can backfire; it may just make you wonder if the editor took a phone call at that point or something. Be careful with this one.) But a string of short sentences can make things go faster. This is used a lot in action scenes (or sex scenes, which are the action scenes of romance), it keeps the eye moving and can build up a rhythm by use of periods. (A bunch of commas don't make you stop.)
That said, I use a lot of commas, even if they aren't grammatically necessary #teamoxfordcomma in order to control, uh, eye flow? I guess? Again, I have so few tools to control speed that I will take what I can get. Semicolons, parentheses, ellipses, em-dashes, I sprinkle in a lot of punctuation that are a bit disruptive to the flow of things, and can even make you fill in the blanks...
Like that. Thought about it a second before you came down here, didn't you? An ellipses + white space can be very effective, you just can't abuse it. It can come off as pretentious and stupid, so you have to be really careful.
"My dog pooped in the living room..."
Okay?
"But if she wasn't there that night, then who...?"
Oh, sh*t!
A lot of these techniques apply best to print books, where I have 100% control over the final formatting, but can still work in e-books, albeit probably less effectively. You know, I've been thinking a lot about print books recently...
Well, there are a few tools.
One is using negative space. What is that? Blankness, where words aren't. Isolating a sentence/word by itself makes it stand out as important, and also forces the reader to move their eyes, giving just that little breathing space to whatever I wrote. I try not to use big blocks of text in my books, and one reason is that by breaking it up I can give it varying 'shapes'. Due to the way ebooks work, I don't have control over the size or font you use, so I can't shape it deliberately, but I can prevent it from becoming one monolith, which helps it go by faster and draws the eye to things that are important or emphasizes who is talking/doing.
Contrary to what we might intuit, we (English speakers, at least), don't read words individually, one by one. When we read quickly, we take in the shapes and contours of words and derive meaning from that! Cool, right? (Also why some typos are so hard to catch, we literally don't see them sometimes.) It's why we find it more tiring when accents are written out (and why I chose not to write out Millie's), the 'shape' of the words are altered and we have to focus more. Paragraphs are the same way. If it's all lumped together, it must be connected; it's also easier to get 'lost' in, and long paragraphs also tend to use longer sentences, which can slow down the pace of reading. We understand this subconsciously, so by breaking them up and using negative space, I can draw your eye to the next line and the next--combining this with shorter, punchier sentences can speed things up!
A tool I use to draw emphasis or force a mental beat on you (fear my power! Haha!) in dialogue is being judicious where I put the 'said'. If a character says something important, and I want it to sit for a moment, I put the 'she said' right after it, even if it's in the middle of a much longer thought. Training sentences together makes them all feel equally important:
"No, I don't think that's a very good idea," she said.
"No," she said. "I don't think that's a very good idea."
Which 'no' sounds more emphatic? The second one, right? Especially if that character is normally shy or slow to volunteer an opinion, by putting the 'she said' there, it gives an extra beat for it to sink in that 'wow, she made a decision!'
Another one is sentence length and punctuation. Have you ever read a whole paragraph only to realize at the end that 'holy sh*t, that was one sentence?' Yeah. Not always great, but sometimes useful! It's kinda slow, but can also be exhausting. If I don't give you time to take a mental 'breath', then you might feel as tired as the character if I rattle off a dozen things she had to do that morning before she got a chance to eat anything. (Conversely, this can backfire; it may just make you wonder if the editor took a phone call at that point or something. Be careful with this one.) But a string of short sentences can make things go faster. This is used a lot in action scenes (or sex scenes, which are the action scenes of romance), it keeps the eye moving and can build up a rhythm by use of periods. (A bunch of commas don't make you stop.)
That said, I use a lot of commas, even if they aren't grammatically necessary #teamoxfordcomma in order to control, uh, eye flow? I guess? Again, I have so few tools to control speed that I will take what I can get. Semicolons, parentheses, ellipses, em-dashes, I sprinkle in a lot of punctuation that are a bit disruptive to the flow of things, and can even make you fill in the blanks...
Like that. Thought about it a second before you came down here, didn't you? An ellipses + white space can be very effective, you just can't abuse it. It can come off as pretentious and stupid, so you have to be really careful.
"My dog pooped in the living room..."
Okay?
"But if she wasn't there that night, then who...?"
Oh, sh*t!
A lot of these techniques apply best to print books, where I have 100% control over the final formatting, but can still work in e-books, albeit probably less effectively. You know, I've been thinking a lot about print books recently...
July 7, 2022
What Does 'Beta' Mean, Anyway?
If you're not a writer or are otherwise unfamiliar with the flow of getting a book ready to be published, one of the key stages is called 'beta'. You've heard me mention 'beta drafts' and 'beta readers' here before, but what are they?
A book in a 'beta' state is basically the first time it is suitable for people who aren't the author or the editor. I think this comes from programming/video games, but don't quite me on that. Video games have beta testers, who do largely the same thing as beta readers.
Which is what, exactly?
They are the first set of objective readers for a story, usually the first that isn't the author or the editor, and the key word there is 'objective'. When you're writing a book, you can't be objective about it, it's impossible. You can try to be (and you should), but when you're so close to it, when you've been in the process of writing it for months or years and have read and re-read it a half-dozen times, you simply can't see everything.
Including what's wrong with it. Beta readers are the second line of criticism (usually after the editor) on a story, and are there to do exactly that: critique it. Good and bad! Not just typos and grammar mistakes, but making sure the story hangs together, that there aren't pieces missing, character motivations are properly justified, that it works structurally, the ending is earned/satisfying, etc. Beta readers can read the whole story all the way through at the pace that a normal reader would -- in spurts, putting it down, going to work between chapters,falling asleep to it because it's boring, things like that, the way that the writer and editor simply can't. Beta feedback is absolutely invaluable! The book will be better for it.
I've removed things at the last minute but didn't remove references to that thing at other times in the book, mishandled pacing, used the same word too often, and other issues that were only caught by beta readers. Another big one for me (which I think other sapphic authors can sympathize with) is pronouns. Every major character in the From the Ashes of Victory identifies as female, so it's very easy to get lost in a sea of 'she'. She said, she did, she saw, she who? That was one of my biggest lessons from the beta feedback of my first book, Remember, November. More character names got inserted to make it clearer who was thinking/saying/doing what.
How do you know when a book is in beta shape?
I've touched on this a little in the last few weeks and in the run-up to several previous books, but to me a 'beta' version is basically the version that I'm happy with and/or don't know what to do with anymore. Basically, "As far as I'm concerned, this is publishable," and/or "Get this thing the f*ck away from me." Yes, one marker for a book being in beta shape for me is that I'm sick of it. That is really when whatever objectivity you may have had goes completely down the tubes: when you're either going to fire the book off in an email or into the sun.
Sending a book off to beta is, for me, the most stressful part of the entire process. It's when I feel most vulnerable, when the impostor syndrome is the worst and I know there's a bunch of work waiting for me on the other side. It has all of the 'what will people think of this?' pressure but without any of the catharsis of actually being done with it. More work awaits on the other side! But, at least you will know what work awaits (specifically), you are no longer changing stuff on a hunch or because it feels weird, but because someone objectively looked at your story and went 'Yeah, no.' Or yes! "That does make people cry!" "That is a stupid reason!" "I did change that character's name at the last minute and missed a few so she is referred to by two different names and confuses people into thinking she has a twin!" (The last one is at least partly true.)
Why do I bring all this up?
No reason. No reason at all.
A book in a 'beta' state is basically the first time it is suitable for people who aren't the author or the editor. I think this comes from programming/video games, but don't quite me on that. Video games have beta testers, who do largely the same thing as beta readers.
Which is what, exactly?
They are the first set of objective readers for a story, usually the first that isn't the author or the editor, and the key word there is 'objective'. When you're writing a book, you can't be objective about it, it's impossible. You can try to be (and you should), but when you're so close to it, when you've been in the process of writing it for months or years and have read and re-read it a half-dozen times, you simply can't see everything.
Including what's wrong with it. Beta readers are the second line of criticism (usually after the editor) on a story, and are there to do exactly that: critique it. Good and bad! Not just typos and grammar mistakes, but making sure the story hangs together, that there aren't pieces missing, character motivations are properly justified, that it works structurally, the ending is earned/satisfying, etc. Beta readers can read the whole story all the way through at the pace that a normal reader would -- in spurts, putting it down, going to work between chapters,
I've removed things at the last minute but didn't remove references to that thing at other times in the book, mishandled pacing, used the same word too often, and other issues that were only caught by beta readers. Another big one for me (which I think other sapphic authors can sympathize with) is pronouns. Every major character in the From the Ashes of Victory identifies as female, so it's very easy to get lost in a sea of 'she'. She said, she did, she saw, she who? That was one of my biggest lessons from the beta feedback of my first book, Remember, November. More character names got inserted to make it clearer who was thinking/saying/doing what.
How do you know when a book is in beta shape?
I've touched on this a little in the last few weeks and in the run-up to several previous books, but to me a 'beta' version is basically the version that I'm happy with and/or don't know what to do with anymore. Basically, "As far as I'm concerned, this is publishable," and/or "Get this thing the f*ck away from me." Yes, one marker for a book being in beta shape for me is that I'm sick of it. That is really when whatever objectivity you may have had goes completely down the tubes: when you're either going to fire the book off in an email or into the sun.
Sending a book off to beta is, for me, the most stressful part of the entire process. It's when I feel most vulnerable, when the impostor syndrome is the worst and I know there's a bunch of work waiting for me on the other side. It has all of the 'what will people think of this?' pressure but without any of the catharsis of actually being done with it. More work awaits on the other side! But, at least you will know what work awaits (specifically), you are no longer changing stuff on a hunch or because it feels weird, but because someone objectively looked at your story and went 'Yeah, no.' Or yes! "That does make people cry!" "That is a stupid reason!" "I did change that character's name at the last minute and missed a few so she is referred to by two different names and confuses people into thinking she has a twin!" (The last one is at least partly true.)
Why do I bring all this up?
No reason. No reason at all.
June 30, 2022
Existential Breakdown
It turns out that when you combine what I talked about in 'When to Get a Second Opinion' from a few weeks ago with 'Letting Go' from last week you get an 'Existential Breakdown' this week.
After much deliberation about the story problems I was having with Book 6, I decided to send what I had to someone I trust to get a second opinion on what I thought was wrong. I did a whole bunch of rewrites beforehand to get it into what I decided to call an 'alpha+' state (not quite beta, but better than a first draft). That done, eager as I was to find out if my brain was broken or the story was, I sent it off.
Then I fell apart.
I've had this ending locked up in me for so long, sharing it with someone else was way harder than I thought it was going to be. I expected the collapse to come when it was published, not this early, so it caught me completely off-guard. It didn't help that I was really tired from other things, but it all hit me at once and I turned into a blubbering mess.
It felt like... this was it. The ending of this series was the One Thing I had that the world needed from me, and now it's outside of me and I have no more use. The Great Work was done, my purpose fulfilled. It was more than just letting go (as I outlined last week), it was more fundamental than that. I don't know that I've ever really had an existential crisis before, but that's what gripped me when I hit the 'send' button on the email.
I knew (and predicted on this very blog) that the feelings surrounding the completion of the From the Ashes of Victory series were going to be both strong and complicated, but I didn't know how strong and complicated. I was not expecting to be questioning the purpose of my existence when I sent off a pre-beta version of it to someone. It wasn't cathartic, the book's not out yet, it really was feeling... bereft of purpose. It was as strange as it was intense.
There is still a ton of work left to go (as of this writing, I haven't gotten any feedback yet), but I don't know how much, so I can't really update you on anything beyond 'all the feelings happened'. But if you follow me here and you're reading this, you're probably interested in the process that got me to where we are now.
A messy, beautiful process that I'm lucky enough to have been able to take. Just a few more steps, and the journey will be complete.
Then it will be time for the next one.
After much deliberation about the story problems I was having with Book 6, I decided to send what I had to someone I trust to get a second opinion on what I thought was wrong. I did a whole bunch of rewrites beforehand to get it into what I decided to call an 'alpha+' state (not quite beta, but better than a first draft). That done, eager as I was to find out if my brain was broken or the story was, I sent it off.
Then I fell apart.
I've had this ending locked up in me for so long, sharing it with someone else was way harder than I thought it was going to be. I expected the collapse to come when it was published, not this early, so it caught me completely off-guard. It didn't help that I was really tired from other things, but it all hit me at once and I turned into a blubbering mess.
It felt like... this was it. The ending of this series was the One Thing I had that the world needed from me, and now it's outside of me and I have no more use. The Great Work was done, my purpose fulfilled. It was more than just letting go (as I outlined last week), it was more fundamental than that. I don't know that I've ever really had an existential crisis before, but that's what gripped me when I hit the 'send' button on the email.
I knew (and predicted on this very blog) that the feelings surrounding the completion of the From the Ashes of Victory series were going to be both strong and complicated, but I didn't know how strong and complicated. I was not expecting to be questioning the purpose of my existence when I sent off a pre-beta version of it to someone. It wasn't cathartic, the book's not out yet, it really was feeling... bereft of purpose. It was as strange as it was intense.
There is still a ton of work left to go (as of this writing, I haven't gotten any feedback yet), but I don't know how much, so I can't really update you on anything beyond 'all the feelings happened'. But if you follow me here and you're reading this, you're probably interested in the process that got me to where we are now.
A messy, beautiful process that I'm lucky enough to have been able to take. Just a few more steps, and the journey will be complete.
Then it will be time for the next one.
June 23, 2022
Letting Go
I started the From the Ashes of Victory series in the fall of 2016. For six years I've carried these characters and their world around in my head, but as I refine Book 6 to get it ready to show to other people, I'm truly coming to feel what it is going to be like to let them go. I've had the end of the series in mind for so long it became very personal. Once other people see it, it won't truly be mine anymore, and that wasn't an aspect I was at all ready for. I knew I would be emotional, you can't achieve this level of catharsis and not be, but I wasn't really thinking about the externalization of it.
Every book becomes 'not really mine anymore' when other people start reading it, but this is a whole series that will be open to interpretation and reflection. Forever. This ginormous thing that has taken up so much of my life and my brain will be... out there. Done. Complete. I don't know that I'm ready for that.
Victoria, Katya and Millie have become part of my identity, and the last little piece of their story was still mine. I could keep it all bundled up and safe from criticism or other people's opinions and it would be forever this perfect thing. None of that is true, of course, it's one of the central lessons that Millie has to learn in Remember, November, after all, but the whole series feels so much more personal than any individual book could ever feel that whatever people say about it is going to seem such more acute.
And permanent. Once Book 6 is out, that's it. There's no more after this. Whatever, however the story ends will be the impression you walk away with forever. I think all creators feel the pressure to not f*ck up the ending of something, and I am no exception, but it's not so much the fear of ruining it as much as... I don't know... there's just no more after this. It will belong to posterity.
'Letting go' and 'saying goodbye' are largely synonymous, but still different enough that it is distinctly the former that is consuming me right now. Finishing the series is putting it out in the world, and that's where it needs to be. It's been locked up in my head for too long, and deserves to be free. And you, my wonderful readers, deserve to read it. You have taken this journey right along with me, and I want you to be able to complete it, too. To have that closure, the true sense of the journey you've taken with the witches of EVE.
And you will. I don't know when yet, but it's coming. If you want to re-read the series to get ready, you should probably start now, is all I'll say.
The release of Book 6 and the completion of the series is not a funeral, but a celebration. Of the journey, of love in all its forms, of egalitarianism, feminism, fighting for what's right and never backing down. Of friendship and sisterhood. Of the possibility of recovery and overcoming that which could have broken us. Of standing up. Of the power of 'no.'
Proud, sad, happy, relieved, accomplished, the emotions of this process will churn and slosh for a long time, but not for as long as the series itself will be finding people. It's for the now that I feel, but for the future I write.
And it's almost here.
Every book becomes 'not really mine anymore' when other people start reading it, but this is a whole series that will be open to interpretation and reflection. Forever. This ginormous thing that has taken up so much of my life and my brain will be... out there. Done. Complete. I don't know that I'm ready for that.
Victoria, Katya and Millie have become part of my identity, and the last little piece of their story was still mine. I could keep it all bundled up and safe from criticism or other people's opinions and it would be forever this perfect thing. None of that is true, of course, it's one of the central lessons that Millie has to learn in Remember, November, after all, but the whole series feels so much more personal than any individual book could ever feel that whatever people say about it is going to seem such more acute.
And permanent. Once Book 6 is out, that's it. There's no more after this. Whatever, however the story ends will be the impression you walk away with forever. I think all creators feel the pressure to not f*ck up the ending of something, and I am no exception, but it's not so much the fear of ruining it as much as... I don't know... there's just no more after this. It will belong to posterity.
'Letting go' and 'saying goodbye' are largely synonymous, but still different enough that it is distinctly the former that is consuming me right now. Finishing the series is putting it out in the world, and that's where it needs to be. It's been locked up in my head for too long, and deserves to be free. And you, my wonderful readers, deserve to read it. You have taken this journey right along with me, and I want you to be able to complete it, too. To have that closure, the true sense of the journey you've taken with the witches of EVE.
And you will. I don't know when yet, but it's coming. If you want to re-read the series to get ready, you should probably start now, is all I'll say.
The release of Book 6 and the completion of the series is not a funeral, but a celebration. Of the journey, of love in all its forms, of egalitarianism, feminism, fighting for what's right and never backing down. Of friendship and sisterhood. Of the possibility of recovery and overcoming that which could have broken us. Of standing up. Of the power of 'no.'
Proud, sad, happy, relieved, accomplished, the emotions of this process will churn and slosh for a long time, but not for as long as the series itself will be finding people. It's for the now that I feel, but for the future I write.
And it's almost here.
June 17, 2022
When to Get a Second Opinion
Last week I talked about giving Book 6 major surgery, and I'd like to continue the autopsy medical analogy into this week: when do you get a second opinion about a problem you're having?
It's a good question, mostly because I don't entirely know the answer. But it's something I've been giving a lot of thought to lately. Book 6 is an outlier in my case, because showing it to someone means showing them the end of the series. If this was another Alumita book, or even any other Ashes book, I would have less problem showing it to someone else and asking if it sucks the way I think it does, or if I found an entirely new way to do it.
In the case of beta readers, my criteria are twofold: is the book in what I would consider a publishable state? and am I sick of it? The latter sounds like a joke, but it's true. I distinctly remember having read Remember, November so many times that when I started what would ultimately be the last pass, the words literally didn't make any sense. (This is called 'semantic satiation' and usually only applies to single words or maybe a sentence. Not an entire novel.) That's when I gave up and sent it to new eyeballs.
Book 6 right now fails both criteria, because I know it needs more work, work I am happy to do. The simple fact is that Book 6 is so important to me that I'm afraid to f*ck it up. The second issue is that I've had the ending of the series in my head for so long that I genuinely don't know if I've done what I actually needed to do, or just what I wanted to do. And not just the series! I have been in my own head for too long that I don't know if the problems I think exist actually exist or not. It's a tricky thing, and usually the answer is 'no' once I get feedback. Problems I think are glaring and make my imposter syndrome point and laugh at me are more often than not nothing.
I know a lot of writers hate showing their work to other people, but I found that feeling goes away after a few books. When you're sending it to people you trust, who know what you're trying to do and are willing to give you honest, constructive feedback, it's invaluable. I get feeling embarrassed or insecure or whatever, but if the goal is to make the work as good as it can be you need, at the very least, objectivity. You, the author, simply cannot be objective about your own work after a certain point (like after you had the first idea and are convinced it's The Most Awesome Thing Ever), and not showing it to anyone before releasing it becomes detrimental.
Have I answered my own title question? Probably not. But I think some insight into the process as it spirals down intoflames a landing might be valuable for posterity. There will never be another series like From the Ashes of Victory, and I'm in a weird headspace about ending it.
And there will definitely be posts about that, let me tell you. This is only step 1 of my slow-rolling existential crisis, so buckle up!
It's a good question, mostly because I don't entirely know the answer. But it's something I've been giving a lot of thought to lately. Book 6 is an outlier in my case, because showing it to someone means showing them the end of the series. If this was another Alumita book, or even any other Ashes book, I would have less problem showing it to someone else and asking if it sucks the way I think it does, or if I found an entirely new way to do it.
In the case of beta readers, my criteria are twofold: is the book in what I would consider a publishable state? and am I sick of it? The latter sounds like a joke, but it's true. I distinctly remember having read Remember, November so many times that when I started what would ultimately be the last pass, the words literally didn't make any sense. (This is called 'semantic satiation' and usually only applies to single words or maybe a sentence. Not an entire novel.) That's when I gave up and sent it to new eyeballs.
Book 6 right now fails both criteria, because I know it needs more work, work I am happy to do. The simple fact is that Book 6 is so important to me that I'm afraid to f*ck it up. The second issue is that I've had the ending of the series in my head for so long that I genuinely don't know if I've done what I actually needed to do, or just what I wanted to do. And not just the series! I have been in my own head for too long that I don't know if the problems I think exist actually exist or not. It's a tricky thing, and usually the answer is 'no' once I get feedback. Problems I think are glaring and make my imposter syndrome point and laugh at me are more often than not nothing.
I know a lot of writers hate showing their work to other people, but I found that feeling goes away after a few books. When you're sending it to people you trust, who know what you're trying to do and are willing to give you honest, constructive feedback, it's invaluable. I get feeling embarrassed or insecure or whatever, but if the goal is to make the work as good as it can be you need, at the very least, objectivity. You, the author, simply cannot be objective about your own work after a certain point (like after you had the first idea and are convinced it's The Most Awesome Thing Ever), and not showing it to anyone before releasing it becomes detrimental.
Have I answered my own title question? Probably not. But I think some insight into the process as it spirals down into
And there will definitely be posts about that, let me tell you. This is only step 1 of my slow-rolling existential crisis, so buckle up!
June 9, 2022
Setbacks
Bad news: Book 6 is going to be later than I thought.
Good news: it will be better than if you'd gotten it sooner.
I guess you could stop reading there, but if you're still with me, here's what happened: as I was going through draft two of Book 6, my instincts kept nagging at me, telling me something wasn't right. This is my eighth(!) book, so it wasn't a simple crisis of confidence, I knew there was something wrong with the story I was telling. The problem was that it took ages before I figured out what.
Now I know, and it's going to take major surgery to fix.
But that's okay! Because the story will be way better and more satisfying. Going into detail would be full of spoilers, so I won't, but now that I've identified the problem, I can fix it and make everything better. A few weeks ago I talked about how editing was a series of choices and a string of problem-solving. This is what that process looks like.
You know what, though? I don't think I've ever been this excited to have to re-do so much work before. It doesn't feel like I thought it would. I want to fix it. I'm excited to, because it will make the story better. It needs to be better, because I wasn't happy with it. Now I have that chance, and I'm grateful for it. It's weirdly re-invigorating, to be honest. I trusted my storytelling instincts, now the mystery weight is gone and I have a firm path forward.
I'm still processing how I got here in the first place, but I think I know. Let's just say I fell into one of many possible pitfalls that open up when writing a sequel. This being my fifth one, I forgot some of the basics. "I know what I'm doing, I've got this" might be true, but only until you don't got this. Always keep learning and refreshing what you think you understand. Complacency can be a killer.
To you, my readers, I must apologize, though. Popping back up in blogging and social media might have led to the idea that the book's release was imminent. I didn't mean it that way, I was just excited about finishing the first draft. I didn't notice the problem until the second.
But I will only get a chance to end the series once, and it needs to be what it deserves to be, and what you, who have invested so much time and energy into this world and these characters, deserve it to be. I'm not just going to punch it out and be done with it, I'm going to do it right.
I think it's sometimes important to show the warts in the process, even if it's kind of a bummer, but the creative process is messy (cliche but true), and this series is deeply important to me. The emotional roller coaster it's put me on has been intense, I won't lie.
So I must ask for your patience. I hope, and believe, that what I share with you in the end will be worth it.
Good news: it will be better than if you'd gotten it sooner.
I guess you could stop reading there, but if you're still with me, here's what happened: as I was going through draft two of Book 6, my instincts kept nagging at me, telling me something wasn't right. This is my eighth(!) book, so it wasn't a simple crisis of confidence, I knew there was something wrong with the story I was telling. The problem was that it took ages before I figured out what.
Now I know, and it's going to take major surgery to fix.
But that's okay! Because the story will be way better and more satisfying. Going into detail would be full of spoilers, so I won't, but now that I've identified the problem, I can fix it and make everything better. A few weeks ago I talked about how editing was a series of choices and a string of problem-solving. This is what that process looks like.
You know what, though? I don't think I've ever been this excited to have to re-do so much work before. It doesn't feel like I thought it would. I want to fix it. I'm excited to, because it will make the story better. It needs to be better, because I wasn't happy with it. Now I have that chance, and I'm grateful for it. It's weirdly re-invigorating, to be honest. I trusted my storytelling instincts, now the mystery weight is gone and I have a firm path forward.
I'm still processing how I got here in the first place, but I think I know. Let's just say I fell into one of many possible pitfalls that open up when writing a sequel. This being my fifth one, I forgot some of the basics. "I know what I'm doing, I've got this" might be true, but only until you don't got this. Always keep learning and refreshing what you think you understand. Complacency can be a killer.
To you, my readers, I must apologize, though. Popping back up in blogging and social media might have led to the idea that the book's release was imminent. I didn't mean it that way, I was just excited about finishing the first draft. I didn't notice the problem until the second.
But I will only get a chance to end the series once, and it needs to be what it deserves to be, and what you, who have invested so much time and energy into this world and these characters, deserve it to be. I'm not just going to punch it out and be done with it, I'm going to do it right.
I think it's sometimes important to show the warts in the process, even if it's kind of a bummer, but the creative process is messy (cliche but true), and this series is deeply important to me. The emotional roller coaster it's put me on has been intense, I won't lie.
So I must ask for your patience. I hope, and believe, that what I share with you in the end will be worth it.
June 3, 2022
Word Weirdness
One of the things you pick up on when editing a book, really going through it end-to-end for the first time, is how often you use certain words. Usually it's because in a first draft it doesn't matter, just get the point across and figure out the 'real' words later.
But then you begin to notice things, and it sometimes starts to feel like a theme. In Book 6 so far, the word 'warm' (and variations) has come up 56 times! I know I have a thing about eyes, but 197 times 'a thing'? WTF? I don't even notice I'm doing it! Luckily I did at this stage and can still fix it, but that hasn't always been the case. I've looked for parts of words in books that are already published and the computer's like "Yeah, you should have used the thesaurus I came with once and a while." Only when I physically see all the highlights scattered all over does it usually stand out, however. Often it's accidental, but sometimes it's bad enough where I have to stop reading and go the the 'Find' feature to confirm that it's not my paranoia, they really are out to get me.
But it's not always fixed with a thesaurus. We've all read books where those words stand out like a sore thumb. They don't fit, nobody uses them, it stops your eyes from reading to narrow them at the author that just leapt out of the page. Just rephrase what you were trying to say or shift it a little bit so that 'world' becomes 'global' or 'Earth' or 'the planet' or something. (If that sounds suspiciously specific... uh... how about that weather we're having? Pretty good/bad/whatever/Biblical, right?)
Victoria is a godsend in this regard. Her vocabulary is bigger than mine, and virtually any word I put in her mouth/head works, because she's read All The Books. (Well, not all. Katya has a tatty romance or two she hasn't found yet.) It's one of the reasons I love writing her so much. Her mind is so precise, only a word that matches that precision will do. "I haven't the fortitude to endure it" is what she means; "I'm not strong enough" isn't exactly right, and sounds like surrender. Going deeper on the dictionary bench also makes her voice distinctive and memorable. Win-win!
I've mentioned before here that over the course of the series I have written the word 'witch' so many times that I literally don't notice when it supposed to be 'which' anymore. Like, I just don't see it. I've written 'sandwitch' more than once and never noticed until the little red squiggle told me. (The subtext of what it said was 'go have a coffee or a lie down.')
But these are all just little niggles, and aren't the kind of thing you worry about until the last polishing drafts. In the grand scheme, very few people than me will ever even notice. Right now, the most important parts that need fixing are [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. Oh, and you'd better believe [REDACTED] still needs another few passes to get right.
I guess I'd better get to it.
Happy Pride!
PS: The 'word frequency' feature in Scrivener will give you a complex if you look at it too much. The bar graphs it spits out will make you go 'Huh, neat' at first, then the 'grimace and tug your collar' thing from cartoons, then bam! full existential crisis.
But then you begin to notice things, and it sometimes starts to feel like a theme. In Book 6 so far, the word 'warm' (and variations) has come up 56 times! I know I have a thing about eyes, but 197 times 'a thing'? WTF? I don't even notice I'm doing it! Luckily I did at this stage and can still fix it, but that hasn't always been the case. I've looked for parts of words in books that are already published and the computer's like "Yeah, you should have used the thesaurus I came with once and a while." Only when I physically see all the highlights scattered all over does it usually stand out, however. Often it's accidental, but sometimes it's bad enough where I have to stop reading and go the the 'Find' feature to confirm that it's not my paranoia, they really are out to get me.
But it's not always fixed with a thesaurus. We've all read books where those words stand out like a sore thumb. They don't fit, nobody uses them, it stops your eyes from reading to narrow them at the author that just leapt out of the page. Just rephrase what you were trying to say or shift it a little bit so that 'world' becomes 'global' or 'Earth' or 'the planet' or something. (If that sounds suspiciously specific... uh... how about that weather we're having? Pretty good/bad/whatever/Biblical, right?)
Victoria is a godsend in this regard. Her vocabulary is bigger than mine, and virtually any word I put in her mouth/head works, because she's read All The Books. (Well, not all. Katya has a tatty romance or two she hasn't found yet.) It's one of the reasons I love writing her so much. Her mind is so precise, only a word that matches that precision will do. "I haven't the fortitude to endure it" is what she means; "I'm not strong enough" isn't exactly right, and sounds like surrender. Going deeper on the dictionary bench also makes her voice distinctive and memorable. Win-win!
I've mentioned before here that over the course of the series I have written the word 'witch' so many times that I literally don't notice when it supposed to be 'which' anymore. Like, I just don't see it. I've written 'sandwitch' more than once and never noticed until the little red squiggle told me. (The subtext of what it said was 'go have a coffee or a lie down.')
But these are all just little niggles, and aren't the kind of thing you worry about until the last polishing drafts. In the grand scheme, very few people than me will ever even notice. Right now, the most important parts that need fixing are [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. Oh, and you'd better believe [REDACTED] still needs another few passes to get right.
I guess I'd better get to it.
Happy Pride!
PS: The 'word frequency' feature in Scrivener will give you a complex if you look at it too much. The bar graphs it spits out will make you go 'Huh, neat' at first, then the 'grimace and tug your collar' thing from cartoons, then bam! full existential crisis.
May 27, 2022
On the Editing Train
I'm back! Which means the first draft of Book 6 of From the Ashes of Victory is finished. There's a lot of work left to go before the book is done, but even writing the first version of the last words in the series was overwhelmingly emotional. I will have more to say about the emotions of it when it's done done, but after taking a few days to sit with it, it's now back to work.
Making it better.
A lot of writers don't like editing, but I love it. Every step, every page, every day, the book gets better, and closer to what it has always needed to be. Book 6 is my eighth novel, and I think I only now understand why I like editing, perhaps more than any other step in the process: choice. Every bit of editing is binary; do I change it or not? Do I like this? Does it work? Does this sound like the character? Etc. What to change it to can be daunting, but at least you have a place to start.
In a first draft, where you're trying to fill the white void that is the blank page, the choices are essentially infinite, especially if you don't work from an outline. What's next? Anything, you say? It sounds like freedom, but it's often a prison. A paralysis of choice.
Remember when you were a kid and a parent would ask what you want for dinner and you would say "Anything is fine."? You, the author, are the parent who has to make something out of that in the first draft. (The book is the child in this metaphor. It's why they scream a lot and keep you awake.)
Editing is saying "Do you want this?" No. "Do you want this?" Sure, let's try it and see if it's any good. Maybe it sucks, maybe it's amazing, but at least you have a place to jump off from. I love that part. I love having context. It helps hugely in telling me whether something should stay or go. I love finding things I forgot I wrote and saying 'Hey, that's pretty good, I should be a writer.' Alternately, finding things that make me go 'WTF is this?' and having absolutely no clue what I was trying to say is also... fun. In a way.
Editing, for me, also goes much faster because it's a series of yes/no choices followed by context informing me what should replace whatever I cut. Already used a word three times on that page? Thesaurus! Dialogue a little naff? Say it out loud!
Themes start to jump out, setups I didn't realize I was including, bits that make me cry so I know they work, flow, pacing, all of that stuff comes out in the second draft and later that helps you to stitch together your story into a book.
Can it be tedious? Yes. It requires constant focus and there's no real chance for your mind to wander, and in later versions you're looking for little tiny flaws and missing letters and other irritating minutiae, but the second draft, for me, is the magic hour that makes having started another book worth it. The part before this is draining, and afterward you start to get sick of it and just want it out of your house.
Hey, books are like children!
Making it better.
A lot of writers don't like editing, but I love it. Every step, every page, every day, the book gets better, and closer to what it has always needed to be. Book 6 is my eighth novel, and I think I only now understand why I like editing, perhaps more than any other step in the process: choice. Every bit of editing is binary; do I change it or not? Do I like this? Does it work? Does this sound like the character? Etc. What to change it to can be daunting, but at least you have a place to start.
In a first draft, where you're trying to fill the white void that is the blank page, the choices are essentially infinite, especially if you don't work from an outline. What's next? Anything, you say? It sounds like freedom, but it's often a prison. A paralysis of choice.
Remember when you were a kid and a parent would ask what you want for dinner and you would say "Anything is fine."? You, the author, are the parent who has to make something out of that in the first draft. (The book is the child in this metaphor. It's why they scream a lot and keep you awake.)
Editing is saying "Do you want this?" No. "Do you want this?" Sure, let's try it and see if it's any good. Maybe it sucks, maybe it's amazing, but at least you have a place to jump off from. I love that part. I love having context. It helps hugely in telling me whether something should stay or go. I love finding things I forgot I wrote and saying 'Hey, that's pretty good, I should be a writer.' Alternately, finding things that make me go 'WTF is this?' and having absolutely no clue what I was trying to say is also... fun. In a way.
Editing, for me, also goes much faster because it's a series of yes/no choices followed by context informing me what should replace whatever I cut. Already used a word three times on that page? Thesaurus! Dialogue a little naff? Say it out loud!
Themes start to jump out, setups I didn't realize I was including, bits that make me cry so I know they work, flow, pacing, all of that stuff comes out in the second draft and later that helps you to stitch together your story into a book.
Can it be tedious? Yes. It requires constant focus and there's no real chance for your mind to wander, and in later versions you're looking for little tiny flaws and missing letters and other irritating minutiae, but the second draft, for me, is the magic hour that makes having started another book worth it. The part before this is draining, and afterward you start to get sick of it and just want it out of your house.
Hey, books are like children!
