Chuck Wendig's Blog, page 81

Leanna Renee Hieber: Five Things I Learned (And Re-Learned!) Writing The Eterna Solution

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The exciting conclusion to a sumptuous Gaslamp Fantasy series!

Leanna Renee Hieber brings Victorian London and New York to life and fills both cities with ghosts and monsters. Two groups of paranormally talented investigators discover that the Eterna compound—thought to be the key to immortality—is, instead, a powerful protective charm. That protection is sorely needed, for both England and the U.S. are under attack by dark forces. Having vanquished the demonic pretender to the British throne, the now-united forces of the Eterna Commission and the Omega Department reach America ready to take on a new menace. But like the United States itself, this evil is rapidly spreading from sea to shining sea. Will the new magic our heroes have discovered be strong enough to defeat it? With its blend of Victorian details, complex plots, and compelling characters, Hieber’s fascinating historical fantasy continues to earn critical acclaim. The Eterna Files series: The Eterna Files, Eterna and Omega, The Eterna Solution

WALKING THE HIGH WIRE:

I’m a Gothic novelist writing Gaslamp Fantasy books that feature inclusive stories starring some kick-ass lady psychics backed by a quirky cast of dynamic characters of all stripes that examine the 19th century preoccupations with ghosts, Spiritualism and Mysticism. I nod to the Gothic with winks and homage, while trying to offer my characters more agency than they often had in original Gothics where women were solely victims or plot devices. I throw in lots of drama, action, adventure, wild theatrically, but at the end of the day I want my books to be about heart and soul. My style isn’t for everyone, but for those who give it a chance, I’m told it’s fun to give yourself over to a bit of reckless Gothic abandon :). The balance of High Drama bordering on melodrama is such a hard tight-rope, and so one of the things I’m constantly learning every single book is how to make the unbelievable and even absurd, ‘realistic’ or probable. For me the key is always atmosphere and character, setting the right visual and narrative tone while staying true to the people I place on the stage. This being the third book in the series, that ‘set-up’ was less difficult as it was established but the key then was meaningfully sustaining it. I made a world where I had already pushed the paranormal envelope, as I always do, and that’s consistent, as all my worlds between series are parallel. Maintaining consistency won’t bring the reader out of the narrative, even if it’s ‘improbable’. For me, looking at the 19th century, science and pseudo-science were hand in hand, allowing for a lot of wide, fantastical room. I stayed focused on localized magic rather than opening up all of magic, that helped keep the scope honed and site-specific.

DON’T GET TOO STUCK IN YOUR HEAD

So, I’m a certified pantser. Working with my ever-patient editor to pull towards a few more plotter skills. In turn, I work with complex plots, and large casts of characters. My drafting process entails a lot of herding cats.

The draft of this book was far too stuck in my head and in my characters’ heads. It was too cerebral, psychic and emotional and goodness was the action lacking. It had none of the big, epic theatrically of the end of the second book that I had to at least meet if not top in this book. It’s important to take a step back to track the action and intent (and good critique partners can help with this) and make sure that the emotional journey doesn’t meander. Check in constantly with the main characters so that if they’re in a reactive state, they don’t stay there, get them back to proactive. Action can’t happen without intent, consideration and psychological process, but I was too deep in the fog of thought, internal narration and emotional streams of consciousness to make for the dynamic, atmospheric and adventurous narrative that I want to be writing.

THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND IS FRIGHTENINGLY AMAZING

So due to a confluence of forces, I had to turn around a pretty brutal edit of this book in a very short time frame. I re-wrote the last third of the book in shorter order than I would ever recommend to anyone. But when I would hit a wall, via exhaustion or ‘I just don’t know how I’m going to fix this’, I decided to take a power daydream nap, and give my brain a problem to chew on. Progress wasn’t happening quickly or effectively when I was just staring at a screen but sometimes in that liminal awake-asleep space, breakthroughs can happen. It was almost scary, how the subconscious can problem solve, but I was a bit refreshed from closing my eyes, and I generally had a new idea, provided I was specific about what I have my mind to chew on and observe in the mind’s eye.

TRUST IN YOUR CHARACTERS

I learn and re-learn this every time. While my bond with my characters admittedly gets me a bit stuck in their heads, when I force them back into action, they surprise and delight me every time. If you’ve forged a strong bond with your characters and really enjoy letting them fully live in your head and heart, when you’re calling on the “Muse” for help with the next scene, your characters serve that Muse role and can start answering the questions your draft is positing. When stuck, interrogate them. If they don’t know the answers, then their motivations are probably not strong enough. I’ve had to re-examine that one a whole lot. I really love my characters and sometimes that means I can be too soft on them. That’s why I went ahead and chopped off my heroine’s ear in this book. (Spoiler). She’s super mad at me still. But the scene is far more intense and effective. Trust in your characters but also push them.

THOMAS EDISON WAS AN A-HOLE

I mean, I knew that already but I sure re-learned it during this book. Whatever visionary tendencies he wielded was eclipsed by how much work he stole (especially from folks of color, immigrants, anyone less ruthless in business), stunts he pulled and patents he gobbled up. Greedy, among other unsavory qualities. (Go team Tesla, and AC won in the end anyway).

TOO MUCH INTERESTING 1880s STUFF FOR JUST ONE YEAR

I took more liberties in this book with time-stamps. The factual timeline is a bit off concerning a few statues and technological innovations. I am of course writing Historical Fantasy and so bending reality and presenting anachronism is accepted but as I am also a licensed New York City tour guide and a lifelong student of the era, I try my best to present a realistic 19th century New York in which Paranormal things happen to my diverse teams of operatives. In The Eterna Solution, it is thematically important to present the state of “Lady Liberty” , so I included a part of her elaborate history. The arm of the Statue of Liberty stood in Madison Square Park for some time before enough money was raised (finally compiled by small amounts raised by hard-working, average, immigrant New Yorkers) to place her on the pedestal designed by Richard Morris Hunt and set her out on Bedloe’s Island. My book takes place in 1882, when Liberty’s arm was not yet there, she was being trial-assembled at this point before being shipped from France. But the arm in the park is a beautifully surreal image and her Torch was a small observation deck for a time. I also include a presentation of very early film, but Edison’s “Kinetoscope” wouldn’t be presented until 1888. He was, however, as noted above, actively stealing other folks’ ideas. I do include an author’s note in the back explaining these diversions, as I want to be specific about what is and isn’t matched to NYC history in exact years. There is always far more going on in history than any one narrative can contain. I adore all kinds of quirky historical details but as always, it has to serve moving the story and development forward.

Every book, l learn again how to write a book, every book I hit walls and get frustrated and fear I don’t know what I’m doing, every book, I fall in love again with people, with conflict, with unfolding possibility, with ghosts, with magic, and with the idea that I’ll do it all again next time. I hope you’ll join me for this time.

Leanna Renee Hieber is an actress, playwright and the award-winning author of Gothic Victorian Fantasy novels for adults and teens. Her Strangely Beautiful saga, beginning with The Strangely Beautiful Tale of Miss Percy Parker, hit Barnes & Noble and Borders Bestseller lists and garnered numerous regional genre awards, with new revised editions from Tor Books now available. Darker Still was named an American Bookseller’s Association “Indie Next List” pick and a Scholastic Book Club “Highly Recommended” title. Her new Eterna Files saga of Gaslamp Fantasy is now available from Tor Books. Her short fiction has appeared in numerous anthologies and she is a 4 time Prism Award winner for excellence in the genre of Fantasy and Romance. Her books have been selected for national book club editions and translated into many languages. A proud member of performer unions Actors Equity and SAG-AFTRA, she lives in New York City where she is a licensed ghost tour guide featured on The Travel Channel’s Mysteries at the Museum and has been featured in film and television on shows like Boardwalk Empire. She crafts unique jewelry on Etsy for Torch and Arrow and she is represented by Paul Stevens of the Donald Maass agency and is active on Twitter @leannarenee. Resources, free reads and more can be found at http://leannareneehieber.com

Leanna Renee Hieber: Twitter | Website

The Eterna Solution: Indiebound | Amazon | B&N

Tracy Townsend: Five Things I Learned Writing The Nine

In the dark streets of Corma exists a book that writes itself, a book that some would kill for…

Black market courier Rowena Downshire is just trying to pay her mother’s freedom from debtor’s prison when an urgent and unexpected delivery leads her face to face with a creature out of nightmares.  Rowena escapes with her life, but the strange book she was ordered to deliver is stolen.

The Alchemist knows things few men have lived to tell about, and when Rowena shows up on his doorstep, frightened and empty-handed, he knows better than to turn her away. What he discovers leads him to ask for help from the last man he wants to see—the former mercenary, Anselm Meteron.

Across town, Reverend Phillip Chalmers awakes in a cell, bloodied and bruised, facing a creature twice his size. Translating the stolen book may be his only hope for survival; however, he soon realizes the book may be a fabled text written by the Creator Himself, tracking the nine human subjects of His Grand Experiment. In the wrong hands, it could mean the end of humanity.

Rowena and her companions become the target of conspirators who seek to use the book for their own ends.  But how can this unlikely team be sure who the enemy is when they can barely trust each other? And what will happen when the book reveals a secret no human was meant to know?

Nobody Knows You’re Doing This Thing…

Hey there, handsome, smart, adventurous person! You decided to write a book! Go, you! You have embarked upon something that will change your life, at minimum teaching you how patient you are with yourself, how forgiving, how driven, and how functional on only a modicum of sleep. This experience will also change your sense of just how important you and this major enterprise really are.

*leans in close*

Because nobody knows you’re writing this novel.

You think I mean “Nobody knows because you haven’t told them.” Nope. I mean even people you have told, with puff-chested pride or (perhaps) hushed, conspiratorial whispers, will look at you blankly each time you bring your writing up. And then (the paths diverge here a bit) they respond with some mixture of amusement, confusion, discomfort, etc., as if they’ve never heard of a human being — let alone you — trying such a thing. Get used to this being the world’s weirdest secret. It seems to keep itself, even as you talk to people about your work, the idea of it bouncing off them with humbling regularity. You have to hold onto the knowledge of what you’re doing, because a baffling plurality of people around you just plain won’t.

… And For the Most Part, They Won’t Get It

My agent will tell you I’m not very good at the so-called elevator pitch. She’ll tell you this not because she’s a merciless heckler (she’s actually quite lovely; send Bridget Smith all your sfnal things) but because she is absolutely correct. I can do a lot of peachy keen things on a page. Get me in front of a live audience and I get a little. . . off-script. But my terrible elevator pitch was improved markedly by repeated exposure to people politely inquiring about my writing and repeated experiences timing how long it took their eyes to glaze as I explained my world of fused science and religion, complete with retired mercenaries, desperate orphans, bizarre creatures, and Things No Man Was Meant to Know.

Take advantage of people Not Getting It. Use the polite curiosity of hapless innocents to refine your understanding of your work. Learn to make your project sound irresistible. My money moment was getting a group of Vegas tourists entranced by the Bellagio’s fountains to stop listening to Andrea Bocelli synced to spurting water and pull out their smartphones, taking down my name and The Nine’s title.

I’m still not sure that they got it. But I got them.

Assemble Your Avengers!

Writers need support systems. But not all support systems work equally well for every writer, every project, every process. Thinking carefully about what kind of reader you want to reach and what your strengths and weaknesses as a writer are will help you assemble the right team.

Finding the right critique partners is a bit like putting together a superhero team. You don’t expect Hawkeye to be the muscle, because he’s literally not built that way. You send him to cover Cap, and to be eyes for blunderbusses like Thor, or infiltrators like Black Widow. I’m good at characterization and world-building, but there are gaps in my armor, too. I need Michelle Barry because she knows how to put characters in a bad situation, then turn up the heat until the dial breaks off the stove. I need Maura Jortner because her marginal speculations about where the plot might be going are often so much savvier than my original plan, I’m all too happy zig toward her zag. I’m sure they have some reason for keeping me around. Maybe I’m like Banner.

Not Hulk. Banner. Twitchy, with questionable fashion sense.

“No” Recalculates the Route Toward “Yes”

Rejection is a reality for writers at every level. The good news is, most “No”s are (eventually) part of how your writing career recalculates the route to “Yes.”

So that agent didn’t want to represent my novel? Okay. There are uncounted others I’ve yet to contact. So the agent with the R&R offer didn’t like the final product? Okay. This other one did, and I’m only talking to her because I did that revision in the first place. I’m only hearing her great ideas because my writing didn’t fit into someone else’s game plan. So the first couple of editors who look at the manuscript take a pass? That’s okay. One of them wants to see a revision. The revision doesn’t make it through Acquisitions? I’ve still got that revision. And lookee lookee if another editor doesn’t think it’s just her thing.

It only takes one yes. It will take a lot of “no”s to get there. But you need those “no”s because they help you find the route that will best support your work — the people who were looking for something just like it all along.

The Second Book Is Not the First Book

The first book was perhaps the hardest thing you’ve ever done. You get a contract that starts off a series, maybe. I did. Good for me! Good for you! Guess what?

Writing the first book was easy, though it never for a minute seemed that way. Past You would punch Present You in the nose just for suggesting it. But Past You doesn’t know what you’re learning now: all that time recalculating the route toward Yes by way of No’sville was a luxury. It’s you writing at your own pace, revising meticulously, stepping back for as long as you want, and never having to worry if the two steps forward your writing took today are only making up for the two taken backward yesterday.

Book two, book three. Those are hard because every positive review (and I’ve been lucky enough to get more than a few, even some that made me a bit weak in the knees) reminds you that now, people have expectations. You have readers, and they expect more, and better. And, of course, your publisher is waiting, too. Your process has to change, and so does your pace, and so you assemble your Avengers sometimes for the sole purpose of making gibbering noises at them, and them sending you gifs of cute animals and babies eating cake. These things help, mostly. But because you Did The Thing, you now need to Do It Again. Good luck, and godspeed. It’s going to feel very different.

Trust me, I know.

Tracy Townsend holds a master’s degree in writing and rhetoric from DePaul University and a bachelor’s degree in creative writing from DePauw University, a source of regular consternation when proofreading her credentials. She is the past chair of the English Department at the Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy, an elite public boarding school, where she presently teaches creative writing and science fiction and fantasy literature. She has been a martial arts instructor, a stage combat and accent coach, and a short-order cook for houses full of tired gamers. Now she lives in Bolingbrook, Illinois with two bumptious hounds, two remarkable children, and one very patient husband.

Tracy Townsend: Website | Twitter

The Nine: Amazon | B&N | Indiebound | Powells | Read an excerpt

Spencer Ellsworth: Five Things I Learned Writing Shadow Sun Seven

A galactic empire falls… and a secret directive rings through the stars: kill all the humans.

A Red Peace left Jaqi and Araskar fugitives- the Resistance, the Empire’s remnants, and the insectoid Matakas want them dead, especially now that John Starfire’s upped the price on their heads. Nowhere is safe, but Araskar has a secret, and he uses it to make a deal with the Matakas. From the stolen high-level intel in his memory-sword comes a name: Shadow Sun Seven.

This hidden Imperial prison holds a cache of hyperdense oxygen, a priceless rarity from the Empire. It also holds a mysterious prisoner who knows secrets about the monsters in the Dark Zone, and thus Jaqi’s destiny. If Araskar and Z can survive a prison pit fight, while Jaqi and her dodgy allies break in, they can stop John Starfire’s genocide.

1- The Great Secret Idea Source Is… Fun

My stories come from a specific place. Not a magical unicorn’s butt, or any other magical butt, but from a three-foot square of Kool-Aid stained carpet.

Said carpet is occupied by a little kid who still lives in my head, despite years of boring adult stuff. He sits cross-legged with a bunch of toys loudly shouting:

SHWOOM!

WHOOSH!

PEW PEW PEW!

This is pretty much what happened with my first novel A Red Peace. The kid provided space bugs. Memory-swords. Cyborg planets. Sun-eating spiders. You know, the stuff that goes KABLOOM. I added what I’ve learned from writing short fiction about character, pacing and satisfying the audience, and wrapped it up in a story about totalitarianism and one’s conscience. Once A Red Peace was drafted and done, the kid SKREEKAPLEWed a quick skeleton of events for the sequels.

But the kid’s attention turned elsewhere after that, and that was fine, because the book was in submission limbo, hanging out in the Great Vortex of an editor’s desk.

2- …The Great Idea Source Will Not Have Fun on Command

And then Tor bought A Red Peace.

Not just A Red Peace, but two sequels! I had a genuine contract for Unnamed Starfire Book Two and Solve For X Starfire Book Three.

Victory. Novel deal. It called for a serious RASHKLAPOW!

Or so I thought. I presented the contracts to the kid and he…

Ran away and hid.

When I tracked him (mentally) down, he said, “Wait! Here’s ten other ideas I like better!”

Kid. Come on. I have a deadline.

3. Don’t Look At The End Product (Even Under Deadline), But Figure Out What Kind of Story You’re Writing First

We did this for a while. Several months in which the kid would give me any idea except the one I was contracted for. The kid simply couldn’t ignore the external pressure and play; SHROOKABOOMBUM was not achievable when I stood there yelling “this needs to be X amount of words, and as good as the first!”

Finally I stood back, took the limits off, and offered the kid just one suggestion. We could blow our deadline, we could write a piece of crap, we could put it all in iambic pentameter… it would all be okay, as long as we had some fun with this idea.

“Okay,” he said, little face furrowing in suspicion.

A Red Peace had been an extended chase sequence. The sequel, turning the tides, would be a caper. Subterfuge. A daring break-in. A mysterious prisoner.

The kid got a little excited. A caper? What’s the break-in? Wait, I’ve got it. It’s a prison built in the guts of a giant space tick. There’s someone who has living guns. There’s blob people and scorpion things and a tower in the middle of the desert and an alien crime queen bug… SKA-PLOW-WHAM!

The problem with writing on commission is this: you have to get your head out of the end product (sequel that moves story X distance, with Y wordcount, for Z deadline) and go back to the part where things were fun. This is most difficult when you haven’t actually written on commission before, and writing has always been an exercise in all-fun, few consequences.

So don’t start from the limits. You can worry about that in rewrites.

4. Big Fascist Bullies Will Make You Feel Bullied…

The kid and I, of course, both stopped in horror when a piss-haired fascist monster was elected President halfway through writing the book.

My agent called to check on me and said “Half my clients are frozen with anger and panic, and half are writing more furiously than ever, to kill fascism with their art.”

I don’t know if I felt either. I (and the kid) felt like we were right back at Scout Camp, getting picked on and missing our toys and our square of carpet. But it turns out…

5. …You Can Punch Right Back With Words

Given that my books are about the downfall of a galactic despot, the kid and I found that SHA-BLOOM could be rather therapeutic, after all, as long as we included some marching and a lot of calling our elected reps. In some ways, it was easier to say “Someone might read this and stand up to fascism” for both me, and the kid, and that made us even more excited for the THIRD book, when fascism gets what’s coming to it.

What’s that? You, yourself, like a little SKRAPLOW? You want to know who the mysterious prisoner is in the heart of the space tick prison, and what’s up with the living guns, the blobs and the tower? You too want to stick it to a galactic fascist? Shadow Sun Seven comes out November 28th from Tor.com, and if you haven’t please take a look at A Red Peace, out now, to SKREEKABLOOIE, er, pretty great reviews.

Spencer Ellsworth has been writing since he learned how. His short fiction has previously appeared in Lightspeed Magazine, Fantasy & Science Fiction, and at Tor.com. Over the years, he’s worked as a wilderness survival instructor, paraeducator in a special education classroom, and in publishing; he currently lives in the Pacific Northwest with his wife and three children and works at a small tribal college on a Native American reservation.

Spencer Ellsworth: Website

Shadow Sun Seven: Amazon | B&N | Kobo | Powells

Gifts For Writers, 2017

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Why yes, it is that time of the year again. That time when you, a person who has a Precious Penmonkey in their lives, wonders aloud, “What the fuck do I buy for a writer? Do they need food pellets? Are they powered by bees? Do I just throw notebooks and pens at them until they write a masterpiece? WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE.”

And here is where I appear out of the earth — like a ghost except made of lava because how cool is a lavaghost? — and give you some much-needed help. Here are some gift options for the Precious Penmonkey in your life. In your house. Possibly even in your heating ducts.

(For previous year lists –>)

(Gifts for Writers 2016)

(Gifts for Writers 2015)

(Gifts for Writers 2014)

Yep, I’m Going To Be Giddily Shameless

I wrote a book. It’s called Damn Fine Story. It’s not about writing, per se, but it is about storytelling — how to frame and shape your narrative, how to let characters lead the way, how to use metaphor and theme, and so forth. It also explains how my father lost his pinky finger and it talks a lot about Star Wars and Die Hard and, hey, you know what, just stop here and buy it. Buy it for your writer pal. It isn’t a one-stop shop for easy answers, but it hopefully will challenge them to look at their stories in a new way. Grab it in print or ebook. For a bonus round, check out my bundle of writing-related e-books here. THANK YOU FOR ENDURING MY SHAMELESS FROTHING. Please reward yourself with a cookie.

White Noise Machine

In case you haven’t noticed, 2017 is a year of shenanigans — it is the Epoch of Deepest Dipshittery, the Timeline of Wonky Whatfuckery. It’s an endless barrage of nonsense coming at you from all angles. The news alone is like being covered in biting ants, always, eternally, impossibly. It’s ants and ants and more ants. This is legitimately difficult for us word-wrangling writerfolk, because we will lose ourselves to the crawling and the biting. And so, we need distractions. One distraction that’s been helpful for me both in writing and in sleeping? Blissful white noise. You can use various apps or white noise albums, but a white noise machine makes a nice gift for underneath the Holiday-Neutral Joy-Shrub of choice. If want something that plugs into the wall, the Red Rooster machine is nice. If you’d prefer something with a bunch more sounds and powered by USB, this Pictek model is handy. Or you can just stand over them and go WHOOSH SHHHH FSSHHHH HOOOOOOFFFSSSSSHHH all night long, I don’t care, you do you.

Noise-Canceling Headphones

I’ve recommended good headphones before, but it behooves (as above) offering ones that CANCEL OUT THE ENDLESS NOISE OF THE STUPIDEST TIMELINE IN WHICH WE CURRENTLY EXIST. No headphones will drown them out permanently, but good ones can offer a pleasant escape temporarily for your favorite penmonkey, either while writing or while on a plane (as many of us travel semi-frequently). If you want something kinda luxe, these Sennheiser bluetooth muffs are pretty rad — though a less-expensive Sony wired version (noise isolating) can work, too. Good headphones are like a cabinet that opens to aural Narnia. Except watch out for the satyrs and their pyramid schemes.

Motherfucking Ice Cream, Motherfucker

I recommend ice cream every year, but in 2017 I have to recommend it with greater emphasis because it is entirely possible that the existence of ice cream is literally the last thing keeping us from sliding into the void. I will note, with epic delight, that Jenis Ice Cream now offers a Pint Club program, and as you know, the First Rule of Pint Club is shut up and eat the ice cream for tomorrow, we may die. I mean, you can now subscribe to ice cream. No greater subscription exists, not porn, not National Geographic, not anything. Salt and Straw also offers seasonal pint subscriptions, btw, and their ice cream is also sublime.

Washington Post Subscription

Speaking of subscriptions, paying writers is always a good thing, and if I can change my earlier statement, it is ice cream and good journalism that’s stopping us from sliding into the void, so feel free to get the writer in your life the gift of good journalism. Though it does expose them to more news, so maybe also pair it with some ice cream or whiskey just in case. I recommend WaPo for your subscription.

Authorial Bug-Out-Bag

I initially was going to put this on here as a joke, but I actually kinda like it, so fuck it, here we are. If the Shit Hits The Fan and the End Times arrive, we should have a bag full of necessary goods like a crossbow and ice cream and like, I dunno, a hatchet? A laser pistol? I haven’t thought this through. But writers will also want a bag full of necessarily writing gear, like pens and paper and such. Throw together a literary bug-out-bag to get them out the door. Check out this cool Sendak Artist writer gear roll-up — it’s expensive but purty. I travel with a Tom Bihn bag and love it, too. Point is, get a bag, fill it with writer essentials like a cool pen you can use to maybe kill a guy and a kick-ass notebook made from actual stone, or maybe this pen that needs no ink, maybe a handgun that shoots words onto paper *receives note* okay that’s not a thing. But you can put some good slavery-free chocolate in there, too. And a probably-sadly-not-bulletproof flask. A couple good books. Some hallucinogenic mushrooms. Whatever. Get creative.

Old-School Writing Devices

Once again, old-school word processors are all-the-rage, so check out the Freewrite or the King Jim Pomera DM100, or hell, a portable typewriter, nothing electronic about it. Hell, buy a rock and some rock chisels. Get those penmonkeys to write like it was in the old days: CARVED INTO THE BEDROCK ITSELF.

Speaking Of Old School

Pencil cases, man. It’s a thing. A new, cool pencil case can go in that bug-out-bag, or maybe it’s just where your favorite writer now stores their weed ha ha I mean pencils, shut up, who said weed. LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE CORGI PENCIL CASE, OMG. Or a waxed canvas pencil case for the bug-out-bag. Or, back to Peg and Awl: this scribbler’s pouch.

New-School

Authors may be in need of a nice portable keyboard — and here is one that folds up nice and neat, like an envelope made of infinite stories.

Authorial Puppets

If you’ve ever wanted to stick your finger up the ass of a famous, classical writer, well, these author finger puppets will give your penmonkey pal all the jollies. That’s right, James Joyce, I’m going to make you pay for Finnegan’s Wake. As a sidenote, you cannot stick your finger up my ass. At least not without buying me a fancy gin drink first.

Bookish Candles

Normally I try to avoid this type of writer kitsch, but my pal, BESTSELLING AUTHOR, KEVIN HEARNE, recommends these geeky bookish candles from , so here I am, passing along that recommendation. This one just smells like Old Books, apparently. Maybe eventually they’ll make one called Impostor Syndrome and we can all breathe in its heady fumes.

Storytelling Games

I am a fan of anything that juices the ol’ story-glands, so to speak, so storytelling games earn my delight in that regard. Tall Tales is fun for your family. Dixit has a Balderdashian vibe to it. We are fans of Kodama here at the ol’ Wendighaus, fun because a story grows out of how you build a tree. Someone recommended Story Slam to me recently, too.

Or, Fuck It, Just Buy Them Some D&D, Man

It’s got Dungeons, it’s got Dragons, c’mon. More seriously, buy the writer in your life an RPG. First, it helps them understand story in different ways. Second, they get to play with dice, mmm, dice, precious fate-twisting dice. Third, it forces them to make friends. YAY FOR NEW FRANDOS.

Zinc Lozenges

Wait, did I just say zinc lozenges? I did. There is some evidence that zinc lozenges can help not stave off a cold, but rather, shorten a cold’s duration, and given that writers are of frail constitution and travel frequently — which puts them in contact with the rhinovirus-slathered hordes. I take Cold-Eeze with me wherever I go. I mean, not literally wherever. I’m not wandering into the men’s room with a backpack full of Cold-Eeze or anything, relax.

Weirdo Reference Books

I am nothing if not a fan of books that teach me weird stuff, and so I will recommend a few here, in the hopes you the penmonkey in your cellar also appreciates it. Atlas Obscura? Yes, please. Soonish: Ten Emerging Technologies That’ll Improve And/Or Ruin Everything? Indeed. The Wasp That Brainwashed The Caterpillar? What delight! Other Minds: The Octopus, The Sea, And The Deep Origins Of Consciousness? Super-great! (I prefer these books in physical format, hence the Indiebound links, but if you want e-book, you know where to look.)

Art Harder, Motherfucker (Mug)

Shameless again, but hey! A mug! With profanity on it! It says ART HARDER, MOTHERFUCKER, because why wouldn’t it? You can also get it without the profanity, if you truly must. (Ugh.)

Writer Subscription Boxes

Yes, there is a box where you can subscribe to pens and ink and stationary and the like. Or there’s the Meraki Literary Box, whatever the hell that is. I assume they just give you fingerbones of canonical writers, like, a bit of Chaucer here, a pinky from Mary Shelley, whatever. Or for additional mystery, there exists the Mysterious Package Company…

Speaking Of Pens

Your penmonkey pal will need a place to put ’em. Try this!

Or If You Like To Get Wood

These “mistake sticks” from Offerman Wood Shop are handy. Bonus: a wooden handmade holder for your mistake sticks!

And That’s All She Wrote

Merry Neutral Holiday to you and the penmonkey in your life. If you’ve got other cool gift ideas for us silly writer-types, drop ’em in the comments below. *waves* *gets in a rocket-powered sleigh* *reindeer are sucked into the engine and turned into reindeer chum* *blasts off on a tide of fire, blood and antler dust, all of which rain down upon you* HO HO WHA HA HA HA

The Dating World Is Complicated, Part Two

Sometimes, there comes a time when authors tweet. Sometimes, those authors are Sam Sykes and Chuck Wendig. Sometimes, someone collects those tweets into a big pile of tweets — or whatever the collective noun is for tweets, a tortle of tweets or a twibble or a twain maybe — and then that someone puts them here at this blog where you can read them. So read them, already.

The Dating World Is Complicated, Part Two

[View the story “The Dating World Is Complicated, Part Two” on Storify]

The Maze And The Magic Cupboard

Sometimes, there comes a time when authors tweet. Sometimes, those authors are Sam Sykes and Chuck Wendig. Sometimes, someone collects those tweets into a big pile of tweets — or whatever the collective noun is for tweets, a tortle of tweets or a twibble or a twain maybe — and then that someone puts them here at this blog where you can read them. So read them, already.

The Maze And The Magic Cupboard

[View the story “The Maze and the Magic Cupboard” on Storify]

A Review Of The 2017 Film, Baby Driver

Sometimes, there comes a time when authors tweet. Sometimes, those authors are Sam Sykes and Chuck Wendig. Sometimes, someone collects those tweets into a big pile of tweets — or whatever the collective noun is for tweets, a tortle of tweets or a twibble or a twain maybe — and then that someone puts them here at this blog where you can read them. So read them, already.

A Review Of The 2017 Film, Baby Driver

[View the story “A Review Of The 2017 Film, Baby Driver” on Storify]

The Dating World Is Complicated, Part One

Sometimes, there comes a time when authors tweet. Sometimes, those authors are Sam Sykes and Chuck Wendig. Sometimes, someone collects those tweets into a big pile of tweets — or whatever the collective noun is for tweets, a tortle of tweets or a twibble or a twain maybe — and then that someone puts them here at this blog where you can read them. So read them, already.

The Dating World is Complicated, Part One

[View the story “The Dating World Is Complicated, Part One” on Storify]

K.C. Alexander: Generous Orthodoxy (Look It Up, Goddamnit)

K.C. Alexander wrote a helluva book with Necrotech, and now she’s back with a sequel that, I expect, will probably break your nose with a hard high-kick and make you like it. Here she is, talking about Generous Orthodoxy, and how that relates to — well, gender, and religion, and progress and — I’ll just let you read it.

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Do I have your attention now?

Let’s be honest: if I am here on Terribleminds, most readers don’t need me to grab ‘em by the neck and shake the stupid out. Nevertheless, I can only hope that this will reach the greymatter of those who need to hear it—or their callused skulls, anyway.

To make this easy as possible, I’ll save everyone the trouble of looking it up (or explaining it to everyone for me). The following is (one of several) definitions, spoken by Malcolm Gladwell on his podcast, Revisionist History.

“That phrase, Generous Orthodoxy, comes from a theologian named Hans Frei. It’s an oxymoron, of course. To be orthodox is to be committed to tradition. To be generous, as Frei defines it, is to be open to change. But Frei thought the best way to live our lives was to find the middle ground because orthodoxy without generosity leads to blindness and generosity without orthodoxy is shallow and empty.”

Some claim orthodoxy applies only to religion. If so, this post is for you. And if you, like me, believe that orthodoxy refers to all and any traditions, this post is also for you.

In short: pay a-fucking-ttention. Because change is upon us, and you can either embrace generosity or you can continue down the path of social warfare—where we will grind the hidebound into the dirt with spiked boots. And probably defecate thereabouts, too. Because naturally.

(I’d like to point out that my website does say that I am a struggling Buddhist.)

Okay, so having thoroughly buried the lede, here we are: at the crossroads of hatred and acceptance, intolerance and change. Where the orthodox views of generations before have come full circle and the generosity of modern generations is met with disgust, denial, scorn and violence.

I’m genderqueer. I’ve mentioned this before, but for anyone who doesn’t know what that is, it means that on the spectrum of male to female, I fall somewhere in between. And I like it that way. Even so, I have in my life people who love me, but who do not understand, accept or even tolerate this facet of my world. It defies centuries of tradition, rejects the concept of the gender roles our world believes in, and they feel that it forces change upon those who have never known (or felt) anything like it before.

What, you may ask, does this have to do with Generous Orthodoxy? A simpleminded question with a so-simple-people-can’t-grasp-it answer:

It means that one can remain within their orthodoxy (male and female is a Thing™ and it remains in this world) while also embracing generosity (there are people who do not feel male or female, or perhaps feel both, and this does not affect my belief in male/female as a whole, but I can respect them and call them what they wish anyway).

When it comes to religion, of course, it can get so much more complicated. I do recommend you check out “Generous Orthodoxy” on Gladwell’s podcast. It’s a deeply emotional and passionately intellectual view at this concept, using real people, places and events.

Anyway, in terms of the gender binary, in terms of trans folx, in terms of gay and lesbian, in terms of other religions, all the skin colors, other languages, all the peoples, my point here is that we cunting well exist and the choices you make from here boil down to only a few.

Change is Inevitable

Everything changes. Everything. Tradition, for all it has existed for millennia, has never not changed. The way Germans celebrate Christmas is vastly different from a hundred years ago. The way we treat Halloween has changed wildly over the generations.

The way we mind the house, raise our kids, even the way we care for our bodies and attend church has changed. (Used to be tradition that one bathed only on special days, or that whole families share one bath, one at a time. Fucking hell, right? We changed that happily, didn’t we?)

So, why not embrace those changes, a little at a time from generation to generation, and retain that orthodoxy as well? It’s, after all, only a matter of time before your bigoted, hate-filled ass is left to rot. Why not ensure that your world is as wide and cultured and educated as possible instead?

Take It to the Grave

Do you like…arguments? I bet you do, I bet you do! Say no more, man, say no more… A rock’s as good as a brick in a window.

Which you may or may not know already, but if you’re going to take your intolerance and inability to accept change to the grave, you deserve it.

The thing about the world is this: those who do not embrace change are doomed to bitterness and suffering, forever bemoaning the loss of others’ respect, attention and love. (Whyyyyyyyy, you will whine to the nursing home caretaker who doesn’t give two shits and a used condom about you.)

This consequence may not happen immediately, and you’ll do a lot of damage on your way down (yay, you), but it will happen. Even a beloved grandmother is often avoided between holidays because her “well-meaning” racism causes discomfort.

And if we’re not lucky enough to have a “well-meaning” racist in our family, but a rabid and intolerant bigot whose prejudice and politics demean and invalidate us, then we sure as hell aren’t gonna go out of our way to visit, right?

This goes for everybody under the age of dead, too. Sure, you have all your racist, bigoted, intolerant troll-friends, but Jesus monkeytits, is that the life you want to live? Drowning in a cesspit of anger, violence, self-loathing and invisible “points” nobody else is keeping track of? Winning the game of troll is kind of like winning a one-way trip into the Bog of Eternal Stench—no matter how you spin it, you still come out smelling like an asshole.

Live and Let Live (or Don’t Stick Your Nose in Other People’s Business and Nobody Else Will Get All Up In Your Ass)

Okay, so say you just can’t accept that trans is a thing. Say you just don’t believe in lesbians being allowed to marry. Say you refuse to admit that the person over there with the brown skin probably isn’t a sanctified woman-beater.

Say you believe women belong in the kitchen.

Fine. I get that. Well, no, I don’t get it, and I don’t respect it, but I can and will leave you alone if you leave me alone. I’ll let you live your tiny-minded little narrow life while I live my expansive (and yes, bitter because fuck you) and open-minded life, and may our paths never cross.

And if they do—say at the crossroads of hatred and acceptance, intolerance and change—I will meet your eyes so that you know that I exist and so that I acknowledge that you exist, and then I will turn left onto Change Boulevard while you ride that assbike of yours right up Hatred Lane.

Here’s the thing that I cannot understand but do accept: I will never, ever change your view of the world. But here’s something maybe you can accept, too: your view of the world doesn’t have to change in order for you to live the life you choose.

Unless, of course, your chosen life includes active or passive involvement in lynchings, beatings, shootings, hate-preaching, deliberate acts of bigotry and proselytizing about the glories of the good ol’ days (y’know, when eugenics was a thing and we were interring hundreds of thousands of our own country’s people because stupid fucking assholes decided that was the perfect chance to be racist af to a different class of non-whites).

But I digress.

In the end, these three choices are the root of every semantic and pedantic version out there: generosity within your orthodoxy, orthodoxy without generosity, or merely staying in your lane where you are most comfortable.

There’s a trick choice in there. Can you spot it?

(Hint: staying in your lane is just fine, but you can bet that beloved asshole of yours that we’ll be in there, too. Kissing our queers. Succeeding in our black and brown skins. Majoring in liberal arts and marine biology and something other than math with our various Eastern- and South- and Euro-Asian features. And cracking that glass ceiling with our female-minded fury.)

I guess what I’m saying is this:

Don’t start none, won’t be none. But in the meantime, maybe give a real hard thought about where you want to be in ten years. Do you want to be the one riding the wave of progress (and all the riches that come with it)? Or the one drowning in the wave of violence you, with your undying need to feel superior, brought upon yourself.

I mean, if you ask me, I figure getting stomped by the tides of change, and the people that come with it, is one hell of a fast-track to losing your shirt. And your dignity.

And your money.

So make your choice.

We’re gonna live, a happy mix of orthodoxy and generosity, and at this point, you can do the same… or you can sink into the bog. I hear drowning in a bog is the perfect way to remain unchanging; each limb, each bone, hair and teeth untouched by time. Forever alone. And long forgotten.

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K.C. Alexander is the author of Necrotech and Nanoshock (out now!)—profane transhumanist bloodbaths that take no prisoners and name no corpses. And she does not tolerate shit, but in the most infuriating way possible.

K.C. Alexander: Website | Twitter

Nanoshock: Indiebound | Amazon | B&N

Molly Tanzer: Really? Victorian England Again?

I first discovered Molly Tanzer through her book, Vermilion, which really has one of the greatest covers I’ve ever seen. And, as it turns out, it has an equally awesome book underneath that cover. So, at this point, Molly can do no wrong, and she has my sword. And by my sword, I mean, my blog. Enjoy her talking about her newest, Creatures of Will and Temper.

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No one I know of has asked this about my latest novel, Creatures of Will and Temper (yet). Rather, it’s something I asked myself when I was considering the idea of writing a retelling of The Picture of Dorian Gray. The Victorian era is such a common setting for just about every sort of media you can think of, be it books, films, games, comics… was there a burning need for yet another “carriages and parlors” novel?

The answer I arrived at was, “sure, why not,” for two reasons. One, I like carriages and parlors. I also like pumpkin spice lattes, catch me outside. Two, every once in a while I get that feeling that I’ve hit on something genuinely cool—or at the very least, something I’d think was genuinely cool if I saw it explored in someone else’s novel—and I got that feeling about this wild hare to do a Dorian Gray novel with a gender-swapped Dorian and a gender-swapped Lord Henry Wotton. And épée fencing. And demons!

I studied Victorian literature and culture in graduate school, and so I felt well prepared for the task but…no lie, it was also extremely intimidating. Wilde’s style is distinctive and masterful, and Dorian Gray is one of those literary figures whom almost everyone knows reasonably well. Even people who haven’t read the original novel know that Dorian Gray has a magic picture that becomes increasingly gross while he stays young and magnificent even as he does terrible things. If I was going to do something interesting, I’d need to nod at what everyone knows about that classic work of literature, and then go beyond it. Otherwise, why bother?

I’d also need to prove why another Victorian novel was necessary, if only to myself.

I actually considered doing a modern-day retelling of Dorian Gray, but that didn’t excite me in the same way. I also considered a second-world fantasy setting that hearkened to Victorian England, but involved like… a bee-based religion, and some other weird stuff. That was very obviously the wrong choice. Even in the planning stages the worldbuilding was taking too much of my energy away from what I wanted to be the focus of the book.

What I wanted the focus to be was something not found in the original: relationships between women. Specifically in my project that manifested as the relationship between two sisters, the vivacious 17-year-old Dorina Gray, who longs to become a lady art critic and aesthete, and her older sister Evadne, who would like to be left alone to practice her fencing and think proper thoughts. I also wanted to play with Wilde’s themes of mentorship and the consequences of decadence, and construct an extraplanar cosmology, for lack of a better way to put it.

All of that made it clear to me that Victorian London was ideal setting for this project. One can only have so many moving parts in a novel, and late 19th century England was a setting I was already pretty familiar with. It’s also a setting other people are pretty familiar with. You say to someone “The streets of London were misty that night” and for better or for worse they can immediately picture what you’re talking about. Therefore, the work I needed to do to establish setting was blessedly minimal—I think it is what I think people younger than me call a “hack.”

That’s not to say I didn’t indulge my impulse to research. I did, and I learned things I didn’t know before—like that women at that time didn’t dine in public. A big action sequence was added to the book after I spent an enjoyable, if wet, afternoon in the famous Seven Dials area of London. But I also relied heavily on the reader’s assumed knowledge borne of reading some other book or seeing some other film, such as A Christmas Carol or Dracula.

So… that’s why Victorian London. Again. I could go on, nerding out about how that time and that place is also fascinating to me for a lot of reasons like changing social roles, and fin de siècle anxieties, and other stuff… but the truth is, I needed something easy to be the backdrop as I wrestled with the bigger thematic issues in Creatures of Will and Temper.

(Also, carriages! And parlors!)

Molly Tanzer: Website | Twitter

Creatures of Will and Temper: Indiebound | Powells | Amazon | B&N | iTunes

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