Scott Perry's Blog, page 51

"I'm sorry that you feel that way.” (And Other Lies We Tell)

You're in a conversation or an email or text exchange. You say or write something that unintentionally, or unconsciously, or otherwise causes injury. The person on the receiving end expresses that they feel hurt or harmed.

And so you say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way."

Let's be clear. "I'm sorry that you feel that way," is not an apology. It's a non-apology. It’s a refusal to accept or even consider that you contributed to what just happened.

Sure, maybe you've been misunderstood or misinterpreted. Or perhaps you're ignorant or unaware. But that doesn't mean you're off the hook.

This is not a time for righteousness and outrage. This is an opportunity to practice kindness, compassion, and selflessness. This is a chance to make things better and move forward.

Need some help with framing an appropriate apology? Try the 4 "Rs" of an Intentional, Meaningful, and Healing Apology.

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott

Want to get going? Get guided!

In your endeavor, what are the values on which you won't compromise? What are the principles that serve as your north star?

Here are some of the guiding principles I lean on in my work at Creative on Purpose.

Values:

Integrity - knowing who I am.
Intention - knowing what I'm here to do.

Guiding Principles:

Curiosity - question what is and how to make it better.
Commitment - the will to work and persevere.
Courage - the willingness to leap and lean into challenges.
Collaboration - work with and for others.

What are your core values and guiding principles?

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott

Serve the Soul, Not the Signal

When someone is celebrating an achievement or sharing a moment of joy, the signals sent are clear and easy to read.

When someone is anxious, angry, fearful, or suffering, the signals they send can be conflated, confusing, and conflicted.

When confronted or engaging with someone who's in anguish, it's easy to get sucked into reacting to those signals or rejecting them. A more compassionate approach is to not lose sight of the soul on the other side. A hurting human is sending those signals.

The suffering signal sender is an imperfect soul striving and struggling. Someone just like you.

These moments don't call for tough love. Theses are moments for practicing real love.

“Kindness is invincible, but only when it’s sincere, with no hypocrisy or faking. What can even the most vicious person do if you keep treating him with kindness and gently set him straight - if you get the chance correcting him cheerfully at the exact moment that he’s trying to do you harm.” — Marcus Aurelius

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott

What legacy will you leave?

"Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life.  Now take what’s left and live it properly." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.56

When your time on earth is done, who will remember you? How will you be remembered? What will you be remembered for? 

Too often we treat legacy like a social media profile, something that can be contrived and crafted. If you have means, you might believe legacy is something you can save up or set aside funds for, a commodity that can be bought through a trust or donation.

But in the end, your legacy is based solely on who you are, how you are, and what you do right now.

Live now. Do all you can now. Be the best you that you can be now. Share all you that you can now.

That's the best way to confront mortality, "live" beyond the grave and leave a legacy worth remembering.

These thoughts on legacy are deeply influenced by a conversation I had with my friend Chris Gill, Emeritus Professor of Ancient Thought at Exeter University.

I riffed on "Where does legacy come from?" on a recent episode of the Cemetery Sessions. If you appreciate what you hear, please Like and Share it! 

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott

The Problem with Contribution

The problem with contribution is that too often we conflate it with credit or complaint.

When things turn out well, we forget we merely contributed to an achievement and take all the credit for it. When things don't turn out well, we deny our contribution and complain that it was all someone or something else's fault.

That argument you just had, that dinner you just burned, that position or program that turned down or ignored your application, you played a role in what happened.

Own it. Learn from it. And move on.

Successes and failures don't define you. A "win" doesn't make you a conquering hero. A "loss" doesn't mean you're a good-for-nothing. 

Defeat and accomplishment are simply proof that you're an attentive and active agent stepping into your destiny.  Step with intention and integrity. The effort is its own reward.

Contribution "done right" involves paying attention to what's happening, acknowledging other perspectives, examining ourselves, and responding in a manner that promotes the growth and wellbeing of everyone involved.

I riffed on "Can you do contribution wrong?" on a recent episode of the Cemetery Sessions. If you appreciate what you hear, please Like and Share it! 

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott

The Problem with Consideration

The problem with contribution is that too often we conflate it with credit or complaint.

When things turn out well, we forget we merely contributed to an achievement and take all the credit for it. When things don't turn out well, we deny our contribution and complain that it was all someone or something else's fault.

That argument you just had, that dinner you just burned, that position or program that turned down or ignored your application, you played a role in what happened.

Own it. Learn from it. And move on.

Successes and failures don't define you. A "win" doesn't make you a conquering hero. A "loss" doesn't mean you're a good-for-nothing. 

Defeat and accomplishment are simply proof that you're an attentive and active agent stepping into your destiny.  Step with intention and integrity. The effort is its own reward.

Consideration "done right" involves paying attention to what's happening, acknowledging other perspectives, examining ourselves, and responding in a manner that promotes the growth and wellbeing of everyone involved.

I riffed on "Can you do contribution wrong?" on a recent episode of the Cemetery Sessions. If you appreciate what you hear, please Like and Share it! 

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott

Are you ready to live fully?

What does it mean to live fully? Here are some thoughts I'm contemplating.

less certainty, more curiosity
less waiting, more starting
less detachment, more connecting
less instruction, more invitation
less cleverness, more craft
less analysis, more action
less busywork, more endeavoring 
less judgment, more consideration
less compliance, more creativity
less management, more leadership
less attachment, more acceptance
less inspection, more witnessing
less obedience, more ruckus-making
less reaction, more response
less frustration, more joy
less trying to be right, more doing what's right
less fear, more wonder
less apathy, more love

What would you add?

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott

What's now? What's next?

When I find myself succumbing to inertia in my endeavors, I usually don't need to look beyond the mirror to see what's bogging me down.

Spinning cycles on regrets about the past or anxieties about the future are common challenges many of us in the Creative on Purpose Community experience.

What to do...?

I keep these questions close at hand for these moments - "What's now? What's next?"

What's now?

What's really going on here? How should I frame the moment I find myself? How can I do so in a way that's honest about the obstacles but also sees the opportunities? Within every problem lies possibility.

What's next?

What are my next truly best steps? How might I leverage what's happening to my advantage? Do I have the will and character to step into my fate? Yes.

And then...

I step into the next moment with intention instead of stopping in despair. As I "rinse and repeat" this process, I find fellow travelers "magically" appear. I also find my goal becomes more explicit, and my strategy more defined.

Paying attention and moving on helps me feel less afflicted and staves off angst. This posture of contemplation and continuation encourages a greater sense of passion and purpose. It helps me keep stepping into possibility.

What about you? As you push toward "better" in your endeavor, what's your modus operandi for dealing with the inevitable "slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune?"

I riffed on "What's now? Whats's Next?" on a recent episode of the Cemetery Sessions. If you appreciate what you hear, please Like and Share it! 

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott

How to Get Out of Your Own Way

It took me a long time to see it, but once I did, I couldn't unsee it.

The thing standing in the way of me and the me I wanted to be was myself. My situation and circumstances weren't holding me back from making the difference I wanted to make. It was the guy in the mirror looking back at me.

Here's the thing, we're hardwired to embrace the status quo. There's comfort in knowing where we fit in, where we stand, and what's expected, or not expected, of us. It makes us feel safe and that we belong.

And yet...

And yet, many of us have a wee small voice in the back of our head asking "What if...." "What if things could be better?" "What if you could be better."

Whether or not you listen to that wee small voice is up to you. So is how you listen to that voice of aspiration.

To get out of your head, out of your own way, and lean into "better," you must change your mind. You also need to change your habits and your relationship with uncertainty.

Most of all, you're going to have to drop your current beliefs and biases. You must start believing in better possibilities and start acting on a bias for stepping into that opportunity.

It sounds simple because it is simple. But simple is rarely easy.

Here are some of the things that help me get out of my own way and act on the voice of aspiration:

Deciding what to stop doing.
Developing new habits.
Making better promises.
Surrounding myself with the right people.
Gratitude for the challenge.
Acceptance of what happens.
The will to continue to reach for better.

What helps you embrace the challenges of embracing work worth your time and effort?

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott

Have you seen the new series I started on Facebook Live? The Cemetery Sessions are short reflections on making a difference with the time you have left. A few days ago I did an episode on getting out of your own way. If you appreciate what you hear, please Like and Share it!

Start with Gratitude

There's plenty of science that supports the fact that practicing gratitude cultivates wellbeing. Yet, I struggled with weaving a gratitude practice into my daily life. I finally succeeded by developing two 1-minute micro-habits.

Gratitude Starts with You

It's pretty difficult to be truly grateful for external circumstances or relationships if you're not able to express gratitude for yourself and your inner life. I start my day by writing down three gratitudes related to myself and my situation.

These might include physical, emotional, or character "strengths." I might also list a recent experience, simple convenience or pleasure, and even a challenge that tests and develops me.

Here's my list for this day - "Today I am grateful for a curious mind, a cool breeze, and a difficult conversation I'm having later today."

Finding the Good in Others

A practice I learned from Seth Godin in the altMBA is "Finding the Good in Others." There are just two steps. First, "catch" someone doing something "right." Second, tell them.

Here's my "catch and tell" for today - "I noticed that you read my email today. Thanks for lending my work some of your valuable attention. It means the world to me!"

Sharing is Caring

If you practice either or both of these 1-minute gratitude exercises today, I'd love to hear about it in the comments of today's broadcast of The Cemetery Sessions - Reflections on Making a Difference with the Time You Have Left.

Let's keep flying higher together!

Scott