Elizabeth Parmeter's Blog, page 6
January 27, 2018
Andrea Gibson at the Lied Center
Last night's show at the Lied Center was a pretty amazing hour of poems. I'm so happy I went. The stories that Andrea puts between the poems are maybe the best reason to go. I've heard or read most of these poems before, but the lead-up or the explanations that go after... they give them further context in a way that makes them maybe not more meaningful (although sometimes that too) but more powerful.
When you're used to seeing artists on YouTube: dancers, musicians, poets -- sometimes it's difficult to understand exactly how they'll be in person. For example, there's a bellydance I LOVE to watch perform, but when I show people her videos online it's almost impossible for anyone to get a sense of exactly why I like her so much. Sure, she has the technical stuff down, but it conveys nothing of the tension she puts into her dance.
I feel like as touching as Andrea's poems can be when read, or heard on YouTube, being present for a reading of them, transforms them. You cannot explain to someone else how moved they'll be. They have to experience it for themselves.
Anyhow, I say that to explain that last night was exactly what I'd hoped for. I've listened to Andrea's new album, Hey Galaxy, but none of them quite transfixed me the way hearing them in person did.
After the show, I picked up their new book, "Take Me With You". It's a sort of short form compilation of the highlights of Andrea's work. It's short quotes from poems that are especially powerful. I think it'll be a great way to introduce people to their work too. I plan on taking mine into the office with me. I get comments or questions about my tattoo constantly. This will be a good way to explain it to people.
Once I picked up the book, I stood in line for about an hour more to meet Andrea. I was alone this time and filled with a room full of people that were much younger than me (unless they were parents or teachers there with a teen).
I also realized how very queer I felt in that moment, with my undercut hair, my Hannah Hart sweatshirt, waiting for Andrea Gibson, in my gender pronoun pin and my new Property of No One jacket. Married as I am, to a man, and in a corporate job where I have to dress pretty conservatively (though I'm prone to casual-down my clothing for comfort where I can), my hair is about the only bit of non-hetero-normative life I get to express. I do cherish the little moments I get to feel a little more like people see my full self.
Just before I went up to Andrea's table last night, as my stomach was churning and I was having a hard time breathing and felt sort of all over like DON'T SCREW THIS UP AGAIN panic attack was on the horizon. As the women in front of me left Andrea's table, they stood up and disappeared around the corner. The person helping with their signing (girlfriend, manager, friend? idk) said they were going to get the dogs.
You don't know how thankful I am for that moment. Squashy, Andrea's tiny dog, stood on the table in front of me, between Andrea and I as I handed over my book. I showed them about my tattoo. They signed my book and I scritched Squashy's adorable little face. There could not have been more perfect timing for that dog to sit on that table. I know it wasn't for me. But it was exactly what I needed to get through that moment, to say hello like a normal fucking person, get my book signed and walk away without losing my shit.
Against my obvious evidence to the contrary (eg. these two posts about Andrea) I do not get this wound up about meeting people, getting things signed, going to events. I'm not good in crowds for long periods of time, but I don't usually get so worked up over things like this. And even when I am excited, I still don't have trouble introducing myself or talking to someone.
But I also don't get just anything in a tattoo. The time in my life when I felt good enough to get a reminder that sometimes you have to go through some shit to come out the other side a different person? It was really hard. So talking to the person that wrote down what I use as pretty much a daily reminder that things get better? Yeah, I feel like it's not without reason that I'd get worked up over it. But I did it.
And next Friday night, I plan to do it again.
When you're used to seeing artists on YouTube: dancers, musicians, poets -- sometimes it's difficult to understand exactly how they'll be in person. For example, there's a bellydance I LOVE to watch perform, but when I show people her videos online it's almost impossible for anyone to get a sense of exactly why I like her so much. Sure, she has the technical stuff down, but it conveys nothing of the tension she puts into her dance.
I feel like as touching as Andrea's poems can be when read, or heard on YouTube, being present for a reading of them, transforms them. You cannot explain to someone else how moved they'll be. They have to experience it for themselves.
Anyhow, I say that to explain that last night was exactly what I'd hoped for. I've listened to Andrea's new album, Hey Galaxy, but none of them quite transfixed me the way hearing them in person did.
After the show, I picked up their new book, "Take Me With You". It's a sort of short form compilation of the highlights of Andrea's work. It's short quotes from poems that are especially powerful. I think it'll be a great way to introduce people to their work too. I plan on taking mine into the office with me. I get comments or questions about my tattoo constantly. This will be a good way to explain it to people.
Once I picked up the book, I stood in line for about an hour more to meet Andrea. I was alone this time and filled with a room full of people that were much younger than me (unless they were parents or teachers there with a teen).
I also realized how very queer I felt in that moment, with my undercut hair, my Hannah Hart sweatshirt, waiting for Andrea Gibson, in my gender pronoun pin and my new Property of No One jacket. Married as I am, to a man, and in a corporate job where I have to dress pretty conservatively (though I'm prone to casual-down my clothing for comfort where I can), my hair is about the only bit of non-hetero-normative life I get to express. I do cherish the little moments I get to feel a little more like people see my full self.
Just before I went up to Andrea's table last night, as my stomach was churning and I was having a hard time breathing and felt sort of all over like DON'T SCREW THIS UP AGAIN panic attack was on the horizon. As the women in front of me left Andrea's table, they stood up and disappeared around the corner. The person helping with their signing (girlfriend, manager, friend? idk) said they were going to get the dogs.
You don't know how thankful I am for that moment. Squashy, Andrea's tiny dog, stood on the table in front of me, between Andrea and I as I handed over my book. I showed them about my tattoo. They signed my book and I scritched Squashy's adorable little face. There could not have been more perfect timing for that dog to sit on that table. I know it wasn't for me. But it was exactly what I needed to get through that moment, to say hello like a normal fucking person, get my book signed and walk away without losing my shit.
Against my obvious evidence to the contrary (eg. these two posts about Andrea) I do not get this wound up about meeting people, getting things signed, going to events. I'm not good in crowds for long periods of time, but I don't usually get so worked up over things like this. And even when I am excited, I still don't have trouble introducing myself or talking to someone.
But I also don't get just anything in a tattoo. The time in my life when I felt good enough to get a reminder that sometimes you have to go through some shit to come out the other side a different person? It was really hard. So talking to the person that wrote down what I use as pretty much a daily reminder that things get better? Yeah, I feel like it's not without reason that I'd get worked up over it. But I did it.
And next Friday night, I plan to do it again.
January 25, 2018
Podcast: LeVar Burton Reads
If you were a young reader, like me. Or a faithful PBS kid, like me. You'll be familiar with the charm and whimsy of Reading Rainbow. It was one of my absolute favorite shows growing up. I was an avid and annoying reader, I spent long hours at the library when I could and always brought home at bag full of books from every trip. Nearly thirty years later and I can still sing the whole theme song, because that's the kind of memory trap our tiny brains create with music.
Reading Rainbow has seen a bit of a revival on the internet in the past few years thanks to LeVar's efforts and the generosity of people on KickStarter. Although as adults, simplicity outweighs much of it's charm. Though I find the books read by LeVar and the children each episode to still be quite a lovely experience.
Enter, then, LeVar's more recent foray into the world of stories and reading with his own titular podcast: LeVar Burton Reads. Each week, LeVar hand picks a short story to read aloud, with a few comments about the author and why he picked this particular story. Most of the stories have a slight sci-fi or fantasy element to them, of which if you're a fan, many of the author's names might be recognizable to you. Each of them are read in his very unique voice, with voices when he can or inflection when he cannot. He's stopping every few podcasts for Q&A weeks with a specific author to talk about the story he read, as well as their experiences and inspirations.
Best of all I think, is the moment just before LeVar transfers from announcer voice, to narrator voice. There's a moment when he asks you, we the audience, to take a deep breath. He invites you to come with him to the story with that pause, that breath, encouraging you to make yourself open to the story you're about to hear. Or at least that's how it feels to me, each and every time. If these were episodes of Reading Rainbow, this is the moment when the cover of the book flips open and you prepare to see the images that accompany the story.
I listen to a lot of audio books, and several story-based podcasts. And honestly, I think all of them could do with a bit more moments like that one. The one that transitions you from passive listener, to an active one.
If you like stories (and I hope you do), I hope you'll check out LeVar Burton Reads.
It's pretty special.
This week's short story is "The Truth About Owls" by Amal El-Mohtar, a short story author I have come to enjoy very much. I've had the pleasure of meeting her twice now and she's amazingly sweet and as enthusiastic fan about the things she enjoys as anyone I've met. Enjoy.
Reading Rainbow has seen a bit of a revival on the internet in the past few years thanks to LeVar's efforts and the generosity of people on KickStarter. Although as adults, simplicity outweighs much of it's charm. Though I find the books read by LeVar and the children each episode to still be quite a lovely experience.
Enter, then, LeVar's more recent foray into the world of stories and reading with his own titular podcast: LeVar Burton Reads. Each week, LeVar hand picks a short story to read aloud, with a few comments about the author and why he picked this particular story. Most of the stories have a slight sci-fi or fantasy element to them, of which if you're a fan, many of the author's names might be recognizable to you. Each of them are read in his very unique voice, with voices when he can or inflection when he cannot. He's stopping every few podcasts for Q&A weeks with a specific author to talk about the story he read, as well as their experiences and inspirations.
Best of all I think, is the moment just before LeVar transfers from announcer voice, to narrator voice. There's a moment when he asks you, we the audience, to take a deep breath. He invites you to come with him to the story with that pause, that breath, encouraging you to make yourself open to the story you're about to hear. Or at least that's how it feels to me, each and every time. If these were episodes of Reading Rainbow, this is the moment when the cover of the book flips open and you prepare to see the images that accompany the story.
I listen to a lot of audio books, and several story-based podcasts. And honestly, I think all of them could do with a bit more moments like that one. The one that transitions you from passive listener, to an active one.
If you like stories (and I hope you do), I hope you'll check out LeVar Burton Reads.
It's pretty special.
This week's short story is "The Truth About Owls" by Amal El-Mohtar, a short story author I have come to enjoy very much. I've had the pleasure of meeting her twice now and she's amazingly sweet and as enthusiastic fan about the things she enjoys as anyone I've met. Enjoy.
January 24, 2018
Book: The Raptor & the Wren by Chuck Wendig
Miriam Black is a foul-mouthed young woman with a peculiar ability. She can see can see how you're going to die. The Miriam Black series is a series of novels about Miriam's many exploits. In the beginning, Miriam uses her ability to follow people she knows are about to die so she can steal their stuff. Pretty good racket it if you can get it.
Problem is, something in the universe has it out for Miriam.
And of course you can only steal from the dead for so long. Eventually someone's going to see you, someone's going to figure it out. Or... if you've got even a hint of a conscious, eventually, you're going to see someone die and try to actually do something about it.
Yesterday, the fifth book in the series, The Raptor & the Wren, was released. And I aim to finish it pretty quickly.
The Miriam Black series is quite possibly my favorite series on planet Earth. There's something about this extreme anti-hero doing her best to refuse both her abilities and the chance to do anything redeemable with them. And yet somehow she still manages not to completely fuck everything up. Also, I'll admit that her ability to be completely irreverent and angry and foul-mouthed at every opportunity really appeals to me.
What can I say? I like bad girls.
Really, I like that she holds on to who she is against all odds. Her attitude is part of what makes her effective. And honestly, we don't get many heroes who actually use language like a real person. It's too clean, too distilled. Everything about Miriam is a fucking mess.
And I love her.
I highly recommend, if you've never heard of the Miriam Black series, to check it out. The books move fast, you'll finish them before you know it and I envy you, getting to start fresh from the beginning. Get to it and then join me at book five, The Raptor & the Wren. Then you can wait impatiently with me for book six, Vultures, when it comes out next year.
Of course, you don't have to take my word for it.
(Oh and if you're feeling really lucky, check out this giveaway from Tor Books.)
Problem is, something in the universe has it out for Miriam.And of course you can only steal from the dead for so long. Eventually someone's going to see you, someone's going to figure it out. Or... if you've got even a hint of a conscious, eventually, you're going to see someone die and try to actually do something about it.
Yesterday, the fifth book in the series, The Raptor & the Wren, was released. And I aim to finish it pretty quickly.
The Miriam Black series is quite possibly my favorite series on planet Earth. There's something about this extreme anti-hero doing her best to refuse both her abilities and the chance to do anything redeemable with them. And yet somehow she still manages not to completely fuck everything up. Also, I'll admit that her ability to be completely irreverent and angry and foul-mouthed at every opportunity really appeals to me.
What can I say? I like bad girls.
Really, I like that she holds on to who she is against all odds. Her attitude is part of what makes her effective. And honestly, we don't get many heroes who actually use language like a real person. It's too clean, too distilled. Everything about Miriam is a fucking mess.
And I love her.
I highly recommend, if you've never heard of the Miriam Black series, to check it out. The books move fast, you'll finish them before you know it and I envy you, getting to start fresh from the beginning. Get to it and then join me at book five, The Raptor & the Wren. Then you can wait impatiently with me for book six, Vultures, when it comes out next year.
Of course, you don't have to take my word for it.
(Oh and if you're feeling really lucky, check out this giveaway from Tor Books.)
January 23, 2018
Andrea Gibson, Poet & "I Sing the Body Electric (Especially When My Power's Out)"
I mentioned the other day when I was talking about the new Fall Out Boy album and the song, "Champion", a poet, Andrea Gibson. Specifically I wrote about a line from their poem "I Sing the Body Electric (Especially When My Power's Out)". I can't even remember the first time I heard this poem but it was many years ago now, and the video of it I'm pasting below came out after I'd seen a live recording of them reciting the poem at some school. So I'm guessing eight-ish years ago or so. I included a picture in that other post of the tattoo I have of a line from this specific poem. I'm not the only one to have had that line tattooed on themself either, but I think it speaks differently to different people.
A few years back I was finally able to see Andrea live at a bar about 45 minutes from my house. To say the experience was meaningful to me would be a severe understatement. See, what I didn't know when I fell in love with this poem was that Andrea wrote it in dealing with a chronic illness of their own. But, I felt that connection something powerful because my own battle with Fibromyalgia was the main reason I wanted the tattoo in the first place. So imagine my complete shock but also incredible thankfulness at hearing the story behind that poem just before I heard them recite it in person.
After that show, I was first in line to meet them at their merch booth, having purchased their latest book at the time "Pansy" prior to the show.
(An aside: I consider myself a pretty level-headed person. Pretty even-keeled. I don't freak out about much, it's not an act... it just takes a lot to illicit an emotional reaction from me, especially about things I enjoy. It doesn't mean I enjoy them less, I'm just generally not easily excitable. That's just me. I say that so you know what it means when I write this next part.)
I went to that merch table, first in line, and Andrea came up from the stage to sit behind it. I took one look at them and I think I lost my fucking mind. I handed Andrea the book I bought and tried desperately to show them the tattoo on my arm through a face full of tears. I cried like a baby as I attempted to explain what exactly it all meant to me. I failed miserably of course, though Andrea was gracious and extended a hug to me over the table. Thankfully my friend Amy gently guided me away with my signed book in hand a moment later.
Now maybe it was different because I'd just spent the better part of two hours on a fantastic emotional roller coaster of their own making, as I listened to them recite some of my favorite poems in the world. As well as a ton of new ones I either hadn't heard or were brand new to the book in my hands. So it's a fair bet that my emotional stability had faltered quite a bit by the end of the show.
Their book, Pansy, I of course devoured over the next day and a half. And fell in love with a poem about Andrea's dog, I think most dog-lovers can feel pretty sappy about, "A Letter to My Dog: Exploring the Human Condition". It makes me cry every time.
Listen, I know that spoken word poetry isn't for everyone. That freestyle poetry isn't for everyone. That political, gender, lgbt poetry isn't for everyone. That poetry... isn't for everyone.
That's cool. It doesn't have to be. But if you've not listened or read one of Andrea's poems before, give it a shot. Doesn't have to be one of these. There's pages all over the place to find their work. And there's not just "Pansy" or their newest album "Hey Galaxy", or newest book, "Take Me with You", there are others. Books, albums, videos... poems in a format easy to consume but maybe not so easy to digest.
If you want to try others, start with the artists at Write Bloody and see where it takes you.
I have tickets for Friday to see Andrea speak live again. And I'm already freaking out about it.
I go to a lot of live shows. I LOVE live music and comedy and I have many favorites. And many of them have helped me through some pretty dark and tough times. But there's something magical about spoken word poetry heard live. And for me, even more so about Andrea's poetry, not just because I enjoy it but because I find so much of myself in it.
A few years back I was finally able to see Andrea live at a bar about 45 minutes from my house. To say the experience was meaningful to me would be a severe understatement. See, what I didn't know when I fell in love with this poem was that Andrea wrote it in dealing with a chronic illness of their own. But, I felt that connection something powerful because my own battle with Fibromyalgia was the main reason I wanted the tattoo in the first place. So imagine my complete shock but also incredible thankfulness at hearing the story behind that poem just before I heard them recite it in person.
After that show, I was first in line to meet them at their merch booth, having purchased their latest book at the time "Pansy" prior to the show.
(An aside: I consider myself a pretty level-headed person. Pretty even-keeled. I don't freak out about much, it's not an act... it just takes a lot to illicit an emotional reaction from me, especially about things I enjoy. It doesn't mean I enjoy them less, I'm just generally not easily excitable. That's just me. I say that so you know what it means when I write this next part.)
I went to that merch table, first in line, and Andrea came up from the stage to sit behind it. I took one look at them and I think I lost my fucking mind. I handed Andrea the book I bought and tried desperately to show them the tattoo on my arm through a face full of tears. I cried like a baby as I attempted to explain what exactly it all meant to me. I failed miserably of course, though Andrea was gracious and extended a hug to me over the table. Thankfully my friend Amy gently guided me away with my signed book in hand a moment later.
Now maybe it was different because I'd just spent the better part of two hours on a fantastic emotional roller coaster of their own making, as I listened to them recite some of my favorite poems in the world. As well as a ton of new ones I either hadn't heard or were brand new to the book in my hands. So it's a fair bet that my emotional stability had faltered quite a bit by the end of the show.
Their book, Pansy, I of course devoured over the next day and a half. And fell in love with a poem about Andrea's dog, I think most dog-lovers can feel pretty sappy about, "A Letter to My Dog: Exploring the Human Condition". It makes me cry every time.
Listen, I know that spoken word poetry isn't for everyone. That freestyle poetry isn't for everyone. That political, gender, lgbt poetry isn't for everyone. That poetry... isn't for everyone.
That's cool. It doesn't have to be. But if you've not listened or read one of Andrea's poems before, give it a shot. Doesn't have to be one of these. There's pages all over the place to find their work. And there's not just "Pansy" or their newest album "Hey Galaxy", or newest book, "Take Me with You", there are others. Books, albums, videos... poems in a format easy to consume but maybe not so easy to digest.
If you want to try others, start with the artists at Write Bloody and see where it takes you.
I have tickets for Friday to see Andrea speak live again. And I'm already freaking out about it.
I go to a lot of live shows. I LOVE live music and comedy and I have many favorites. And many of them have helped me through some pretty dark and tough times. But there's something magical about spoken word poetry heard live. And for me, even more so about Andrea's poetry, not just because I enjoy it but because I find so much of myself in it.
January 22, 2018
Thrashtopia & Adulting in the Apocolypse
The Geek & Sundry network, now famous for things like Tabletop and Sagas of Sundry and of course, Critical Role, has a wide variety of shows on it's joint project with the Nerdist, Project Alpha or just Alpha for short. If you're only watching Critical Role on YouTube, you'll have noticed that it's delayed a week reaching there, despite being livestreamed on Twitch weekly. At the same time it's on Twitch, it's also live on Alpha. In fact many of their Twitch shows are on Alpha. I'm not here to sell you on Alpha (specifically) but I do want to tell you about one of my favorite shows they've done, singular to Alpha (not Twitch) and wholly unique.
Thrashtopia is a weekly talk show with host, Whitney Moore, that takes place in a post-apocalyptic dystopian bunker. Whitney, with the help of her best pal, Bunker Bot (played by Jason Charles Miller of many a G&S, project as well as lead singer of Godhead) host guests each week in the bunker to talk about how the apocalypse is going beyond the bunker.
Whitney is being cared for by Bunker Bot, who both makes sure she's eating enough and isn't lounging and wasting away mentally or physically. In addition, inside this strange show, Whitney hosts a segment called "Adulting in the Apocalypse" which I believe you can now view all of on YouTube, though Season 1 of Thrashtopia has ended.
[Pretty sure this is the first Adulting in the Apocalypse segment.]
I love this silly little show so much. It has this like really throwback vibe that makes me think that this would've been one of the shows playing on television in the early eighties. Like it's got this great post-punk, metal attitude with a cheery host and it all sort of reminds me of movies like UHF. It's not taking itself too seriously. Which I adore.
And of course, at the end of every episode, Whitney (and usually her guest as well) have to "mosh it out" for two minutes. They dance around as a cap on whatever topic the episode was about. And while it does have this sort of innocent vibe going on in the first few episodes, it takes a sharp turn pretty quickly. It's not for kids. (Not even for cool babies.)
Alpha does have a monthly fee if you decide to sign-up for the service. And while I loathe that channels like CBS have their own paid app, I've recommended Alpha to just about everyone I know at this point. If nerdy shit is your thing, there's something for you to watch on Alpha. Believe me this won't be the first thing I write about non-CR Alpha shows. This isn't even my favorite one. But it's really, really unique and if you haven't signed up for Alpha before you can do so now and watch free for 30 days. That's worth it. And more than plenty enough time to watch all of Thrashtopia Season 1.
Thrashtopia is a weekly talk show with host, Whitney Moore, that takes place in a post-apocalyptic dystopian bunker. Whitney, with the help of her best pal, Bunker Bot (played by Jason Charles Miller of many a G&S, project as well as lead singer of Godhead) host guests each week in the bunker to talk about how the apocalypse is going beyond the bunker.
Whitney is being cared for by Bunker Bot, who both makes sure she's eating enough and isn't lounging and wasting away mentally or physically. In addition, inside this strange show, Whitney hosts a segment called "Adulting in the Apocalypse" which I believe you can now view all of on YouTube, though Season 1 of Thrashtopia has ended.
[Pretty sure this is the first Adulting in the Apocalypse segment.]
I love this silly little show so much. It has this like really throwback vibe that makes me think that this would've been one of the shows playing on television in the early eighties. Like it's got this great post-punk, metal attitude with a cheery host and it all sort of reminds me of movies like UHF. It's not taking itself too seriously. Which I adore.
And of course, at the end of every episode, Whitney (and usually her guest as well) have to "mosh it out" for two minutes. They dance around as a cap on whatever topic the episode was about. And while it does have this sort of innocent vibe going on in the first few episodes, it takes a sharp turn pretty quickly. It's not for kids. (Not even for cool babies.)
Alpha does have a monthly fee if you decide to sign-up for the service. And while I loathe that channels like CBS have their own paid app, I've recommended Alpha to just about everyone I know at this point. If nerdy shit is your thing, there's something for you to watch on Alpha. Believe me this won't be the first thing I write about non-CR Alpha shows. This isn't even my favorite one. But it's really, really unique and if you haven't signed up for Alpha before you can do so now and watch free for 30 days. That's worth it. And more than plenty enough time to watch all of Thrashtopia Season 1.
January 21, 2018
Relaxing Angrily -- Pinterest as a Tool
Is there anything that you do that's normally relaxing for you but you also tend to do it... angrily?
Back in the summer for a roleplaying board I run, I took back an old Pinterest account I had and started messing around with creating character boards. Many of our members were doing the same thing at the time and it was fun way to create plots and talk about stories and get ideas about characters in my head.
Since then I've kept it up, moving on to not just my original characters or my favorite dragon age characters for the board I run, but also just... characters I enjoy from many fandoms. I've amassed quite the collection of boards for Critical Role characters and pairings, Dragon Age, Preacher, The Exorcist, and so on. It's one of those things I do to relax, to engage with a thing I'm really enjoying for just a little bit longer. Like I created boards for Wynonna Earp and Doc Holliday after I finished watching Season 2. I can't watch the new season yet and that was a good alternative.
However, I've discovered I've started also doing this when I'm angry at times. Not necessarily because it's relaxing (though it can be calming) but because I can create boards for characters that are a little more badass than me. Through kind of putting myself in their shoes to make a board about them, or of things they might like, I get to live a little vicariously?
It's a little weird, I know. It's this kind of mindless activity that's fun. But also a little therapeutic? And it got me wondering if there's other relaxing things that people do while angry. Maybe not just while angry but because I'm angry.
I'll finish with this, a link to a board I'm working on for when I'm made AT someone or something specifically. It's mostly quotes or pins, things that make a point about being angry or upset. I just call it: x. you. It's the anonymous "you", the person or thing making me angry. Especially useful when I know I'm not actually angry at them, or that I don't really have a reason to be angry. I just am. Whatever it is, it helps. So I thought I'd share.
Back in the summer for a roleplaying board I run, I took back an old Pinterest account I had and started messing around with creating character boards. Many of our members were doing the same thing at the time and it was fun way to create plots and talk about stories and get ideas about characters in my head.
Since then I've kept it up, moving on to not just my original characters or my favorite dragon age characters for the board I run, but also just... characters I enjoy from many fandoms. I've amassed quite the collection of boards for Critical Role characters and pairings, Dragon Age, Preacher, The Exorcist, and so on. It's one of those things I do to relax, to engage with a thing I'm really enjoying for just a little bit longer. Like I created boards for Wynonna Earp and Doc Holliday after I finished watching Season 2. I can't watch the new season yet and that was a good alternative.
However, I've discovered I've started also doing this when I'm angry at times. Not necessarily because it's relaxing (though it can be calming) but because I can create boards for characters that are a little more badass than me. Through kind of putting myself in their shoes to make a board about them, or of things they might like, I get to live a little vicariously?
It's a little weird, I know. It's this kind of mindless activity that's fun. But also a little therapeutic? And it got me wondering if there's other relaxing things that people do while angry. Maybe not just while angry but because I'm angry.
I'll finish with this, a link to a board I'm working on for when I'm made AT someone or something specifically. It's mostly quotes or pins, things that make a point about being angry or upset. I just call it: x. you. It's the anonymous "you", the person or thing making me angry. Especially useful when I know I'm not actually angry at them, or that I don't really have a reason to be angry. I just am. Whatever it is, it helps. So I thought I'd share.
Music: Fall Out Boy -- Champion
There are several new songs off the new Fall Out Boy album that I'm in love with, namely "Church" and "Heaven's Gate" which have themes I tend to really like it songs. They're also catchy as hell. However, those aren't the ones I want to share.
Instead let me share with you a song for all the bad days that if you're like me, get a little bit better with a good song. Champion is a song about making it through. About coming out stronger on the other side of something. About knowing you can live through something tough.
It reminds me a lot of my tattoo, which is a line from an Andrea Gibson poem, "I Sing the Dream Electric, but Only When My Power's Out". I have on my arm a portion of this line:
"I said to the sun, tell me about the Big Bang
The sun said, 'It hurts to become.'"
I like that line because it reminds me that we all go through tough times, but it's the moments we experience and get through that shape us and make us what we are.
Instead let me share with you a song for all the bad days that if you're like me, get a little bit better with a good song. Champion is a song about making it through. About coming out stronger on the other side of something. About knowing you can live through something tough.
It reminds me a lot of my tattoo, which is a line from an Andrea Gibson poem, "I Sing the Dream Electric, but Only When My Power's Out". I have on my arm a portion of this line:
"I said to the sun, tell me about the Big Bang
The sun said, 'It hurts to become.'"
I like that line because it reminds me that we all go through tough times, but it's the moments we experience and get through that shape us and make us what we are.
January 20, 2018
NOT a Midlife Crisis: Living for Friday
Today while I was chatting with a friend/co-worker in the office and we were sort of both joking about doing just the most basic work because it was Friday, I kind of wondered why we feel like we have to pretend that it's a joke. Was it Friday? Yeah. Did that mean we were going to put less effort into our work? Not really. Maybe some people have jobs where that works for them, but I don't. What we do have the ability to do, is be a little more playful at work... but we only feel like that works on Fridays. Because it's the last day of the week.
It's such an ephemeral thing, too. Like, yes we're about to stay home for two days. That doesn't mean Monday is going to be any different and honestly, Monday is when we should be having more fun.
Monday is when we need fun at work the most.
This is how they get us though. The ever-present "man" keeps us working for a weekend, so we shop and spend and try to forget that we've got to go back on Monday. Then, on Monday, we're so conditioned to think about how awful it is. We're away from our house, kids, pets, or whatever it is you're missing when you're at work. And it's only the start of several days in a row where we're going to feel that way.
Only not quite.
See Monday is the worst. And everything in pop culture about work life informs us of the awfulness of Mondays.
Tuesday is Monday, part two.
Wednesday is like our half-birthday. It's a nothing day in the middle of the week. Yet it has a fun name like 'hump day' to remind us that the work week is a hill. It starts sucky and Wednesday is when it can't possibly be worse. It's the weekly climax of shitty days. It serves only to remind us that Friday is on its way.
Thursday is Monday, part three. Or, as most people prefer: pre-Friday.
We remind ourselves on Thursdays that we can do anything for another day. Especially when the next day is Friday.
And Friday. Well, that's what got me here in the first place.
Friday sets us up for a weekend of indulgence and freedom. It's why we do the other four days. So we can flip the bird as we exit at five p.m. and forget we have a job for two days.
Oh, we don't all do that?
Of course not. One -- especially if you have a long-term employer -- you likely want to keep, or need to keep that job for one reason or another. And Two -- well, we don't all hate our jobs.
So if you can't be lucky enough to be part of the group in the second point, then what do you do?
Pretty sure this is where media has made sure to show us how in their late-forties that most middle-aged white cis-gendered men have the dreaded so-called "midlife crisis".
See, back in the day of my parents and their parents, you might only have just ONE job for...ever. And if you think of the work week in this sort of traditional cycle of boredom and duty, then boy howdy is it gonna suck. Of course you're going to hate it. You get to your forties and it's like the Wednesday of your whole life.
These days we're far more likely to break-down long before we're forty. Because we have shit politicians or assloads of debt or because everywhere we look we're not: smart/experienced/good-looking/rich enough. Pretty sure as much as our parents wanted us to be rewarded for everything ever, we've learned quickly how to deal with disappointment. Not too mention, the definition of a full-time job or long-term employment is changing rapidly. Jobs like mine won't exist forever. Kids are learning to become entrepreneurs at eleven and twelve. Hell, there's a four year old on YouTube making money hand over fist. (Godspeed to his parents.)
What I'm getting at here is that there's something to this whole work week perception. Whether you work Monday-Friday, full-time, part-time, for someone else or for yourself.
Perception is everything. Instead of living for Friday, living for those precious few minutes we get to indulge, maybe we just live. We don't all have to love our jobs. But we should see them for what they are: a means to an end.
Go in happy.
Leave happy.
Just make sure to define (realistically) what happy means to you, and work to make it happen.
It's such an ephemeral thing, too. Like, yes we're about to stay home for two days. That doesn't mean Monday is going to be any different and honestly, Monday is when we should be having more fun.
Monday is when we need fun at work the most.
This is how they get us though. The ever-present "man" keeps us working for a weekend, so we shop and spend and try to forget that we've got to go back on Monday. Then, on Monday, we're so conditioned to think about how awful it is. We're away from our house, kids, pets, or whatever it is you're missing when you're at work. And it's only the start of several days in a row where we're going to feel that way.
Only not quite.
See Monday is the worst. And everything in pop culture about work life informs us of the awfulness of Mondays.
Tuesday is Monday, part two.
Wednesday is like our half-birthday. It's a nothing day in the middle of the week. Yet it has a fun name like 'hump day' to remind us that the work week is a hill. It starts sucky and Wednesday is when it can't possibly be worse. It's the weekly climax of shitty days. It serves only to remind us that Friday is on its way.
Thursday is Monday, part three. Or, as most people prefer: pre-Friday.
We remind ourselves on Thursdays that we can do anything for another day. Especially when the next day is Friday.
And Friday. Well, that's what got me here in the first place.
Friday sets us up for a weekend of indulgence and freedom. It's why we do the other four days. So we can flip the bird as we exit at five p.m. and forget we have a job for two days.
Oh, we don't all do that?
Of course not. One -- especially if you have a long-term employer -- you likely want to keep, or need to keep that job for one reason or another. And Two -- well, we don't all hate our jobs.
So if you can't be lucky enough to be part of the group in the second point, then what do you do?
Pretty sure this is where media has made sure to show us how in their late-forties that most middle-aged white cis-gendered men have the dreaded so-called "midlife crisis".
See, back in the day of my parents and their parents, you might only have just ONE job for...ever. And if you think of the work week in this sort of traditional cycle of boredom and duty, then boy howdy is it gonna suck. Of course you're going to hate it. You get to your forties and it's like the Wednesday of your whole life.
These days we're far more likely to break-down long before we're forty. Because we have shit politicians or assloads of debt or because everywhere we look we're not: smart/experienced/good-looking/rich enough. Pretty sure as much as our parents wanted us to be rewarded for everything ever, we've learned quickly how to deal with disappointment. Not too mention, the definition of a full-time job or long-term employment is changing rapidly. Jobs like mine won't exist forever. Kids are learning to become entrepreneurs at eleven and twelve. Hell, there's a four year old on YouTube making money hand over fist. (Godspeed to his parents.)
What I'm getting at here is that there's something to this whole work week perception. Whether you work Monday-Friday, full-time, part-time, for someone else or for yourself.
Perception is everything. Instead of living for Friday, living for those precious few minutes we get to indulge, maybe we just live. We don't all have to love our jobs. But we should see them for what they are: a means to an end.
Go in happy.
Leave happy.
Just make sure to define (realistically) what happy means to you, and work to make it happen.
January 18, 2018
Passing Notice -- Greetings without Intention
In the last several months, I've started to notice more and more how often people (the same people, not all people) will pass me in the hallway and ask how I'm doing as they pass me by. There's no intention to the question beyond a greeting, they definitely don't plan on or have interest in hearing the answer.
Now, I feel like here in the States and especially in the Midwest where we're not necessarily kind but we're kindly responsive or perhaps performatively responsive by default, this is pretty common. It's not that we don't know these people, or really if there was an issue we wouldn't want to know about it. But we're conditioned to respond to this "hey how you doing?" or "hey how's things?" or just a simple "hey whats up?" as if it's a hello. We say, "good", "fine", "oh you know" in response as easily as we might just say a hello.
This isn't uncommon, but I feel like I've started to notice it more often because I've been trying to train myself to say something else. It's a challenge really, for me, to try and greet people by name when I pass them in the hallway. So instead of a "Hey, how you doing?". I specifically try and say, "Hey, Paul." No more, no less. I started it because I felt like I was always passing people and doing the standard what's up nod, or weird white people smile and not actually engaging. And then when people did want to say something to me, I wasn't getting anything out in time before we passed each other by.
There is something sort of freeing, especially if you're not really good with people or have anxiety, about being able to say something to someone in passing in a situation where no response is needed or required. You see someone down the hall, you say hello, you keep moving. I don't typically have a problem talking to people, but I was feeling like in my corporate setting I was more comfortable passing quietly and then would feel bad when someone did say something.
Now that I've been doing this purposefully for sometime, the "Hello, [Name]!" Comes pretty easily, especially when I work on the same floor with the same people day in, day out. However, it's made it far more noticeable when people ask a question they don't want answered in response.
Me: "Hey, Stacey."
Stacey: *keeps walking* "Hey how are you?"
Well, Stacey, do you actually want to know? Whether she does or not is sort of irrelevant in this situation. Because Stacey never broke her stride while she was asking me that question.
So here's my new challenge. I don't respond. It feels so ingrained, so habitual and instinctive to respond with a generic "fine" or "good" to that question. But it's rarely true, or so simple to say and why am I bothering? One could say that it's polite to answer. But I'm not trying to be polite to someone that's only greeting me by way of performance.
I don't know. Maybe it turns my challenge to be kind and engaged with the people I pass daily into a challenge to be unkind? But I also wonder how many people actually notice when you don't respond. If I don't say "fine" does it lose either of us anything out of the brief engagement? I don't think it does. And I'll go further and say that I think it's helping train me out of snap, instinctual responses. It makes me think about the manner in which I greet people: a compliment in the elevator, a simple hello with their name, an actual question about their day/week/weekend. If I'm honest in how I start a conversation, then on the other side of the coin, I want my answers to someone else to be just as thoughtful.
Now, I feel like here in the States and especially in the Midwest where we're not necessarily kind but we're kindly responsive or perhaps performatively responsive by default, this is pretty common. It's not that we don't know these people, or really if there was an issue we wouldn't want to know about it. But we're conditioned to respond to this "hey how you doing?" or "hey how's things?" or just a simple "hey whats up?" as if it's a hello. We say, "good", "fine", "oh you know" in response as easily as we might just say a hello.
This isn't uncommon, but I feel like I've started to notice it more often because I've been trying to train myself to say something else. It's a challenge really, for me, to try and greet people by name when I pass them in the hallway. So instead of a "Hey, how you doing?". I specifically try and say, "Hey, Paul." No more, no less. I started it because I felt like I was always passing people and doing the standard what's up nod, or weird white people smile and not actually engaging. And then when people did want to say something to me, I wasn't getting anything out in time before we passed each other by.
There is something sort of freeing, especially if you're not really good with people or have anxiety, about being able to say something to someone in passing in a situation where no response is needed or required. You see someone down the hall, you say hello, you keep moving. I don't typically have a problem talking to people, but I was feeling like in my corporate setting I was more comfortable passing quietly and then would feel bad when someone did say something.
Now that I've been doing this purposefully for sometime, the "Hello, [Name]!" Comes pretty easily, especially when I work on the same floor with the same people day in, day out. However, it's made it far more noticeable when people ask a question they don't want answered in response.
Me: "Hey, Stacey."
Stacey: *keeps walking* "Hey how are you?"
Well, Stacey, do you actually want to know? Whether she does or not is sort of irrelevant in this situation. Because Stacey never broke her stride while she was asking me that question.
So here's my new challenge. I don't respond. It feels so ingrained, so habitual and instinctive to respond with a generic "fine" or "good" to that question. But it's rarely true, or so simple to say and why am I bothering? One could say that it's polite to answer. But I'm not trying to be polite to someone that's only greeting me by way of performance.
I don't know. Maybe it turns my challenge to be kind and engaged with the people I pass daily into a challenge to be unkind? But I also wonder how many people actually notice when you don't respond. If I don't say "fine" does it lose either of us anything out of the brief engagement? I don't think it does. And I'll go further and say that I think it's helping train me out of snap, instinctual responses. It makes me think about the manner in which I greet people: a compliment in the elevator, a simple hello with their name, an actual question about their day/week/weekend. If I'm honest in how I start a conversation, then on the other side of the coin, I want my answers to someone else to be just as thoughtful.
January 17, 2018
D&D [Holloway]: Player Questions
In what I'm sure will be a continuing series, I bring you a very pertinent questions my players are currently pondering. In today's edition I bring you a question from my Tal'Dorei game, currently taking place in a city heavily modified from an old 3.5 campaign.
On learning that the city they're currently in has abnormal ghosts who function more or less as living citizens:
"Do they poop?"
To be fair, it wasn't the very first question they asked. It also didn't take very long for our group's Wizard to get to it either. But you know, as the DM, I appreciate that they're taking an interest in the great mysteries of the city. I'm sure as they continue to learn more, the questions will evolve--
No, let's be honest.
Until they solve if and how these specific ghostly humanoids poop, they won't be happy.
Every campaign has one. The Adventure Zone had tacos-- I have ghost poo?
Look out level 20.
In which our intrepid adventurers have 17 levels to figure out how exactly it all works.
On a related note, their curiosity reminds me of a certain druid from Kevin Hearne's Iron Druid series. I guess it doesn't matter what kind of creature they are, humans (tieflings and halflings in this case) have an inherent need to know how other creatures poop.
On learning that the city they're currently in has abnormal ghosts who function more or less as living citizens:
"Do they poop?"
To be fair, it wasn't the very first question they asked. It also didn't take very long for our group's Wizard to get to it either. But you know, as the DM, I appreciate that they're taking an interest in the great mysteries of the city. I'm sure as they continue to learn more, the questions will evolve--
No, let's be honest.
Until they solve if and how these specific ghostly humanoids poop, they won't be happy.
Every campaign has one. The Adventure Zone had tacos-- I have ghost poo?
Look out level 20.
In which our intrepid adventurers have 17 levels to figure out how exactly it all works.
On a related note, their curiosity reminds me of a certain druid from Kevin Hearne's Iron Druid series. I guess it doesn't matter what kind of creature they are, humans (tieflings and halflings in this case) have an inherent need to know how other creatures poop.
