Richard S. Wheeler's Blog, page 13
August 14, 2014
Names
The name of the brain tumors that changed my life is meningioma. I have two, and they are going to be left alone.
Therapy went badly today; I hurt too much. On the 21st I will get more news from the orthopedist about my shoulder fractures and what may need to be done. The word is that rotator cup replacement goes badly for people my age, but shoulder rebuilds are likely to do better.
Therapy went badly today; I hurt too much. On the 21st I will get more news from the orthopedist about my shoulder fractures and what may need to be done. The word is that rotator cup replacement goes badly for people my age, but shoulder rebuilds are likely to do better.
August 11, 2014
The Quiet Gathering
I have been prompted to wonder what inspires people to gather around fallen friends and help them. There is something here that touches the heart of our natures.
My friend Bill Campbell, gifted newsman and PBS photographer, came today to put my computer in order. He undid the rat's nest of wires, labeled them, put them into conduits, and resolved difficulties with my internet connection in the process. All works perfectly now. He did it to help a struggling friend.
I hope he will pursue a project I've had in mind a long while, which is to gather interview material from the remarkable group of writers and film makers who collected in Livingston and are mostly still here. It surely is time to ask Jim Harrison, Tom McGuane, Gatz Hjortsberg, Tim Cahill, and a dozen others what drew them here, and what happened when they gathered.
Something happened here that deserves celebration.
My friend Bill Campbell, gifted newsman and PBS photographer, came today to put my computer in order. He undid the rat's nest of wires, labeled them, put them into conduits, and resolved difficulties with my internet connection in the process. All works perfectly now. He did it to help a struggling friend.
I hope he will pursue a project I've had in mind a long while, which is to gather interview material from the remarkable group of writers and film makers who collected in Livingston and are mostly still here. It surely is time to ask Jim Harrison, Tom McGuane, Gatz Hjortsberg, Tim Cahill, and a dozen others what drew them here, and what happened when they gathered.
Something happened here that deserves celebration.
August 10, 2014
A Meaningful Win
I played a game of chess against my computer, and won easily. It is the first such game since the disaster almost two months ago. It did much to dispel my deep worries about cognition and decline. I will win and lose games in the future, but I do not see much diminution of my powers. Day by day, I will remake myself.
Seeing Soon
I am eagerly awaiting new glasses with prisms in them that should eliminate double vision. That sight loss was a side effect of the seizures that have changed my life. A writer who cannot read or see, except in small and painful amounts, is no longer a writer, so I am awaiting the renewal of my writing life with great eagerness.
August 8, 2014
New Drug
A doctor has switched me to Tramadol, an effective drug for moderate pain that I am finding more effective than the hydrocodone and morphine regimen.
I worry about my future. I don't know how much damage was done to my faculties; whether I will be able to write; whether I am at the end of a long writing life and career; and what I can do, particularly with a limited ability to read and research.
What an adventure life is. I have no answers, but like to listen to people.
I worry about my future. I don't know how much damage was done to my faculties; whether I will be able to write; whether I am at the end of a long writing life and career; and what I can do, particularly with a limited ability to read and research.
What an adventure life is. I have no answers, but like to listen to people.
August 7, 2014
Sue
I worry about my wife, who spins out her days in the memory ward of the nursing home three blocks away, a victim of Lewy Body dementia.
She doesn't eat much, and seems bright only when company comes. She taught English for half a century, and has many friends across the literary world. She wrote several books, won a PEN award and a Spur, and helped numerous authors launch their careers. She did two well received PBS documentaries, one on Ernest Hemingway's sojourn in Montana, and one on Dorothy Johnson.
We talk sometimes of those she knew and loved, such as Dorothy Johnson, Craig Johnson, Valerie Hemingway, A. B. Guthrie Jr. I was with her a few years ago when we put flowers on Dorothy Johnson's grave in Whitefish.
But now time ticks by, and she stares out of her alley window.
She doesn't eat much, and seems bright only when company comes. She taught English for half a century, and has many friends across the literary world. She wrote several books, won a PEN award and a Spur, and helped numerous authors launch their careers. She did two well received PBS documentaries, one on Ernest Hemingway's sojourn in Montana, and one on Dorothy Johnson.
We talk sometimes of those she knew and loved, such as Dorothy Johnson, Craig Johnson, Valerie Hemingway, A. B. Guthrie Jr. I was with her a few years ago when we put flowers on Dorothy Johnson's grave in Whitefish.
But now time ticks by, and she stares out of her alley window.
August 5, 2014
Pain Crazy
Two days ago I decided my painkillers,hydrocodone and morphine, where making me crazy so I stopped taking them. This morning I was even crazier and hurting more so I started again, and finally got the pain under control with cold packs and pills. My old cat decided that my broken shoulder was her throne, and I could hardly dislodge her. I wish they could euthanize humans.
August 3, 2014
Six Weeks In
Six weeks after the seizures (from two small brain tumors) felled me I am still struggling to create a new life, and more--a sense of what to do with my remaining days, and who I am or wish to be.
The shoulder is not healing, and I may face surgery; new collarbone, and new bulb at the top of my upper arm. I can barely write or read, and assessments have yet to be made about this and cognitive loss.
All the while I was lost in my own world for five days there was a stream of caring, loving visitors. I don't remember them, but they came. And even now, little gifts and kindnesses arrive daily. Caregivers can be dominating, and I face a struggle to maintain my independence.
But there are good things. I have sold a novel, one I wrote a year ago. That will help when the bills deluge me. I have never felt so loved.
The shoulder is not healing, and I may face surgery; new collarbone, and new bulb at the top of my upper arm. I can barely write or read, and assessments have yet to be made about this and cognitive loss.
All the while I was lost in my own world for five days there was a stream of caring, loving visitors. I don't remember them, but they came. And even now, little gifts and kindnesses arrive daily. Caregivers can be dominating, and I face a struggle to maintain my independence.
But there are good things. I have sold a novel, one I wrote a year ago. That will help when the bills deluge me. I have never felt so loved.
July 24, 2014
Great Day
What a fine day. First, saw Stanley Gordon West, now caught in palsy, but it was great to see him. His Amos, starring Kirk Douglas and Elizabeth Montgomery, remains a classic. Then our next visitors were Valerie Hemingway and Elizabeth McNamer, old pals of Sue, who rejoiced to be able to see her.
July 21, 2014
New Life
I am, after four weeks, starting to get better. The morphine is keeping me sane. But I can't make any sense of things. I see an orthopedics person soon about the smashed shoulder; hope to avoid surgery. But it will likely "freeze" soon, continue to hurt, lose mobility. I have double vision now, which is worrisome. I have a marvelous circle of friends who are looking after me, and the realization of their deep caring has changed my life.
