Melissa H. Coleman's Blog, page 7

Book review: A Confabulated Compendium of Anecdotes by Melissa H North

% Star Readers Favourite review and a blog from K,J, Simmell! Thank you so much.

Darrienia: The Forgotten Legacies Series

The Dacia Horde thought the Descendants of the Madiis Tenebris had  been wiped  out. For centuries vampires had  kept their feud hidden, keeping humans safe from the fierce and brutal war. But things had changed. Sanguine had discoverered a means of breaching the boundaries and opening a path the the vampire afterlife. Within he discovered a blood so powerful, so evil, those consuming it could weird powerful arcane magic (or majik) stemmed from darkness itself. Valid was forced to enlist  the aid of a human, Geneviève, when it appears the  conflict will jeopardise humanity itself. She is investigating an unusual murder, the murder of Valdo’s own fiance Melaina Lilith, and  the mystery surrounding her death was both baffling and astounding.  The Descendants of the Madiis Tenebris have already taken  his love from him and he will not allow them to destroy his clan as well. Interested? Well this is just…

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Real Writers get Bad reviews – Reblog

This is a reblog!

The Whimsical Wondering's of Willow

A friend of mine text the other day upset about a bad review on one of his novels. A bad review, according to authors, is anything under three stars on specific writing platforms such as Amazon Kindle and Goodreads. God forbid readers not liking our nurtured bookbies. Authors spend hours upon hours creating, producing and bringing to life their novels and then BAM – one bad review, one reader who doesn’t find your novel of interest and doesn’t care how they tell you. Its compared to someone calling your furbaby ugly!

But should we get so upset? Should we begin to think we aren’t cut out to be a writer NO!

Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson the writer of Hardwiring Happiness explains:

“The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.”

It’s human nature to overreact to bad news, sometimes our emotions behave in a manner that…

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Good Writing is Like Ben & Jerry’s On a Movie Night

CREATURE OF HABIT 
Someone who develops (generally inadvertently) a set pattern of doing the same thing(s) during a certain time period of the day and/or during the week. 

Humans are creatures of habit, beautiful creatures, with habitual needs and these habits help us through our day.

Stick with me, this is leading somewhere. You have made mashed spuds before, right? Okay, so next time you prepare to smash the boiled potato, think how effortlessly it happens. Your movements around the kitchen, as you open the fridge and grab the butter and milk then turn back, slightly lifting your leg to nudge the refrigerator closed then return to the counter.

You barely think about what you’re doing, the scenario is nearly an out-of-body experience. What about when you walk out the door of a morning and slide into your Jaguar (Mm okay, Corolla), isn’t it true that sometimes you don’t even remember sections of the drive?

That is the Power of Habit – being comfortable and at ease in the everyday. And we don’t just have a few habits we have hundreds. What do you normally like to do on the weekend or after work on a Thursday afternoon?

I like to write, and this has become one of my habits. On the weekend I write. My friends might say, “Let’s call Mel and see what she’s up too.”

“She’s probably writing,” someone would respond. And they would likely be 100% right!

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For writers, though, habit can be detrimental.

Even though there are good and bad habits; they can be extremely hard to change. Why? Because we are almost on auto-pilot, they can be so ingrained in us that we don’t even realize we are doing them anymore.

I’m getting to the crux of it, stay with me.

Can we become comfortable with the uncomfortable? Can we perform a paradoxical miracle and break the habit?

As writers, we write what we are comfortable with writing, and some people say it’s important for writers to specialize in a particular genre.

Devoting yourself to one niche has its rationale because you become more knowledgeable and competent over time – if you develop a hundred different ways for your character’s to fall in love then eventually you’ll give Nicholas Sparks a run for his money. Or if you create a world of fantasy so intricately woven with unique creatures, settings, and languages, then one day, you may give J R R Tolkien a run for his money (but I doubt that).

On the other hand, it can narrow the development of your story and hinder your ability to conjure new ideas and fresh plot-lines.

Writing outside your comfort zone (habitual customs), doesn’t necessarily mean you have to think outside the box because the rules of the box no longer apply, whatever your genre or style is. There is no box anymore – it’s a receptacle, a barrel, a vessel.

You can be daring by incorporating different elements – sci-fi, steampunk, and history – to create a prose that is much richer and original. You can be creative!

When you write outside your comfort zone, you’re no longer categorized as a young adult novelist or a mystery writer. You’re a storyteller.

 

Breaking a habit is difficult and sometimes unpleasant. However, it breaks mental boundaries and chances are you might even enjoy it. You could find a new style of writing that is perfect for you, or it might even realize how amazing your usual style actually is.

Book Signing #roadtrip

Be in the know. Click on the #roadtrip calendar and countdown with me.

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Join in on the fun and celebrations. Competitions and giveaways! Comic con and Climb for a Cure.

 

PRESS RELEASE

For immediate release:

Author’s new book receives a warm literary welcome.

Readers’ Favorite announces the review of the Young Adult – Fantasy – General book “The Halfling” by Melissa H. North, currently available at http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B071Y32WQR.

Readers’ Favorite is one of the largest book review and award contest sites on the Internet. They have earned the respect of renowned publishers like Random House, Simon & Schuster, and Harper Collins, and have received the “Best Websites for Authors” and “Honoring Excellence” awards from the Association of Independent Authors. They are also fully accredited by the BBB (A+ rating), which is a rarity among Book Review and Book Award Contest companies.

“Reviewed By Rosie Malezer for Readers’ Favorite

The Halfling is the first book in The Halfling series, written by Melissa H. North. Pursued by her brothers from the Faerie realm of Grandelione, Eliana Ariarose flees through the streets of New York City. Her brothers are sworn enemies, with the youngest, Caelian, having battled to earn his title of Crown Prince from Aemon – a royal who vows bloodshed in order to have his claim to the throne restored. As Eliana flees, she makes startling discoveries about herself and her real identity, as well as the truth about her upbringing. During her journey, Eliana meets many beings from the Faerie world. Some would die to keep her safe, while others would happily steal her immense and unusual powers, right before destroying her heart and soul. Her biggest challenge in staying alive is in determining friend from foe.

As a fan of the paranormal, I can quite honestly say that this is not only one of the most unusual stories I have ever read, but is also one of the most exciting. With surprises jumping out from all corners, The Halfling leaves you on the edge of your seat, wondering what will come next. Melissa H. North’s imagination takes you to another world and more, with beings from different worlds coming together to achieve one common goal, fighting for good. The adventures which take place in our world are harsh and quite deadly, but a light is shone upon what we see, clearing away the fog and showing beings for what they truly are. Both good and evil come from the strangest of places and from people whom you least expect, yet the battle of good versus evil is continuous. The ending of The Halfling comes with the biggest shock, but leaves the reader yearning to know what comes next. I quite enjoyed the first book in The Halfling series and look forward to the sequel. I recommend Melissa H. North’s action-packed, adventurous tale to all fans of paranormal tales filled with fear, fun, suspense and intrigue.”

You can learn more about Melissa H. North and “The Halfling” at https://readersfavorite.com/book-review/the-halfling where you can read reviews and the author’s biography, as well as connect with the author directly or through their website and social media pages.

Readers’ Favorite LLC

Media Relations

Louisville, KY 40202

800-RF-REVIEW

support@readersfavorite.com

https://readersfavorite.com

A Chattering of Scattered Authors Part 5

This is a series of blogs introducing Authors of Tomorrow – these are the ones to keep an eye on. Each week I will deliver a blog with an interview from an author of a different genre.

Sandeep is an exceptionally talented artist, writer and lecturer who is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to the writing industry.

You can make contact with Sandeep through Twitter,Facebook Gravatarand BlogSpot

 

What is your writing Kryptonite?

A lot of times, one’s kryptonite is related closely to one’s superpower. This is spot on for me. I don’t know that I often feel inspired to write, but I feel compelled.

I show a lot of emotions and dark reality of my situation. I’ve gone through several periods where I endured losses and painful changes that in order to get through them, I’d completely shut off my emotions.

My main focus was to survive. Adding my feelings to the mix was too much for me to deal with. My characters will do whatever necessary to survive; however, in doing so, they tend to be so focused on survival, they forget the light-side of life.

They’re so busy reacting, moving from one crisis to the next like some kind of robot, they don’t try to stop for a split moment to deal with the emotional trauma they’re experiencing.

Now, I’m faced with worsening anxiety issues and becoming more of a recluse. My family is starting to suffer because of this kryptonite. And so is my writing. But first-I need to allow those emotions to flow through me, re-open the door of my heart, and allow it to breathe. I need to live again.

What are common traps for aspiring writers?

The most common traps for aspiring authors are two things:

EVERYONE WILL LOVE MY BOOK.

It is a very unrealistic point of view. You love your book because you wrote it. Just because you love your work doesn’t mean everyone will love it. Not everyone reads the same thing.

I love writing poetry but I don’t enjoy reading them. I love non-fiction and memoirs mostly. You have to approach writing realistically and with some idea who you want to market your book to.

Age, gender, location, interests… etc., these are all things to consider when thinking of who your reader is going to be and who may love your book.

NO ONE WILL WANT MY BOOK, SO WHAT’S THE POINT.

Just like not everyone will love your book, not everyone is going to hate it either. You wrote a book or short story or poem that you needed to write. Something inside you said the world needs this. That same voice is the reason why there will be people who will love your writing.

Someone out there needs what you’ve written, and you may never meet them but they are there. The world is a big place and there will be those that will not like your work but there will be just as many who will love it. You can’t be afraid of those few for the possible many that will embrace your creation.

SO, IN CONCLUSION:

Always think of ways to engage your potential readers, (maybe start a blog), or become part of a writing guild in your community to learn and get to know other creators.

Get someone you trust to review your work and see if there are places where you can make your piece stronger. Also never be afraid of criticism; take it as a chance to grow.

Explore places where those that might enjoy your work may be hanging out either online or in the real world. Try sharing your talents in small ways to build your confidence and maybe your following.

 Who knows? Your work may touch more people than you could have imagined.

Does a big ego help or hurt writers?

I have a mild ego. One that has enough self-esteem to know I’m worthy of the life I have, and a desire to strive for something better.

This average view of myself helps me stay neutral when it comes to judging my writing, and I think having a average ego helps me as a writer because I don’t belittle others striving towards their goals. If anything I’m more willing to help where I can and share my experiences.

THE BEST AUTHORS, IN MY OPINION, ARE THOSE THAT HAVE AVERAGE EGOS.

They release their worth and they use it to better others. J.K. Rowling is the perfect fit for this example. She knows what it is like to be at the bottom of the income ladder.

When she became famous for her series she didn’t let that fame go to her head and instead used the money that she had and influence that she gained to better others around her.

You could say the same about Bill Gates. He knows how powerful he is and he is using that power to help others not help himself.

I think someone with a high ego wouldn’t do well within the writing community. Okay, maybe at first… but other time their inflated sense of self-importance and arrogance towards those around them may cause their popularity to fade.

A BIG EGO GOES IT MAY HELP A WRITER IN THE SHORT TERM BUT HINDER THEM IN THE LONG TERM.

When you fall in love with yourself as a writer, you hit a plateau in your talent which is impossible to escape from — until you hit rock bottom, until the rug is pulled out from underneath your ego.

What is likely, however, is this: Feeling self-satisfied, we will “finish” our projects without returning to them with an objective eye. At the peak of our creativity, breaking new ground (in our minds), we won’t bother making sure the work is good.

What other authors are you friends with, and how do they help you become a better writer?

I have Margaret O’Driscoll, Evan Mantyk, Cindy Rochstein, Vivekanand Jha, Mahathi, Nick victor, Wilhelm Cortez, Joe Martin, Onkar Sharma, Stacie McCall, Ocean Reeve and Melissa H North.

Great writers connect with other writers. Because before they were great, they were mediocre. They had to meet someone who inspired them, someone they aspired to be.

Many creative people underestimate the power of networking. They think of it in the slick businessman sense, but it’s much deeper than that.

True networking is simply connecting with people. In your journey to become a great writer, there are three relationships you’ll need:

Friends

There’s nothing fancy to this. You’ve got peers, people who are in the trenches with you. Find those who are pursuing your same craft, those of like mind, and get together with them. Buy a fellow writer coffee or lunch. Hang out, commiserate and enjoy each other’s company. These relationships should be mutually beneficial.

Fans

Everybody wants fans. At least you think you do. But how we go about getting them is more difficult than we often realize. So how’s it done? In a sentence, help people. Take something that is obvious to you (but not to others) and generously share it with the world. Try this over and over again in different ways until you find the right one.

If you haven’t already found it, knowing your voice is pretty important to this. Take some time to figure out why people would listen to you, and then say what you have to say. Say it boldly, and the fans will come.

Patrons

This is the hardest part. It’s also the most important relationship you could make in your journey to becoming a great writer.

These people — leaders and influencers in your industry — will help you grow your platform and get your message heard. So how do you get their attention? You have to earn it:

Demonstrate your competencies.

Serve someone else first.

Make a big ask.

The challenge

 

Find a potential fan, friend, and patron (one of each) and reach out to them. Don’t ask for anything but this person’s time. Don’t say no for them or apologize. Just ask. Make it an invitation to coffee (if a local connection) or to Skype. Do it and do it now before you lose your nerve. Then tell us how it went.

If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?

I think it’s easy to feel despondent when a glittering writing career doesn’t immediately open up, but like any skill, writing takes time to become good at, so just keep slogging away in private, and be honest about how ready you are to be published.

Treat writing as a job. It is the hardest job you’ll do – you’re your own boss, and everything you produce is you.

Learn to throw out what isn’t good.  Editing is the most important part of the process. And above all – read.

Be in the world of words when you wake till the moment the book drops from your hand as you dose off. Reading is everything.

I think that many younger writers at the beginning of their careers spend far too much time writing and then tinkering with their first book. My advice is to write a book and then immediately go on to the next one and to the one after that. In other words, the more you write, the better you will become.

What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters from the opposite sex?

The first thing is to remember that although there are differences, they aren’t as drastic as you might think.

Not all women are crazy about pink. Not all of them are aware of the way they walk, and all women are NOT damsels in distress.

The same way all men are NOT born mechanics or knuckle-dragging troglodytes who only care about sex and beer.

It’s an understanding that it isn’t only the sex of a person that defines the character. Sometimes male characters can be made very practical or detached while female characters can be written as weak or emotionally charged. This stereotype isn’t a good assumption.

 

It’s best to develop your characters with male and female characteristics as that is how real people are. If you follow this, you’re characters will be more human, and readers will relate to them more.

Women, on the other hand, have been more of a mystery to me, and in the beginning I was satisfied depicting them through my men narrators. “Write what you know,” I said to myself, and for a while it worked well.

But writing what we know, though a good rule for beginning writers can become restrictive. Soon I wanted to challenge myself by writing from multiple perspectives. In order to create powerful female narrators, I had to do a lot of preparation. I used four methods: reading, research, recollection, and review.

1. Reading

First I examined the works of writers who I felt had done a good job depicting female characters – either in first person, or in close third person point of view.

2. Research

After I finished reading, I embarked on a people-watching mission. I observed women at my place of work, in public places such as malls, airports, sports events and doctors’ offices. I took careful note of gestures and ways of communicating, and the kind of language women tend to use.

3. Recollection

Memory has always been a powerful writing tool for me, so I spent some time thinking about the women I have known – women in my family, women I went to college with, women I worked with or was emotionally involved with. I jotted down everything I could remember about their personality traits, life philosophies, and little quirks that had struck me as amusing or annoying. All of these helped me understand how women navigated life differently from men.

4. Review

This was my final step. Once my first draft was done, I had a number of female readers and female writer friends read the draft, focusing specifically on the female narrators. I asked them to tell me if they found them convincing, or if there was anything about these characters that bothered them and made them feel that women would not act this way. Based on their feedback, I cut down on a lot of dialogue, especially when the female characters were explaining to the men how they felt about something, and replaced this with action.

What is your favourite childhood book?

We have Anne of Green Gables, Winnie the Pooh, Snoopy, the “Encyclopedia Brown” series of mystery books. The books were so unique to me because they gave the reader (unlike the “Boxcar Children” series) a chance to actually solve the case for themselves. Of course, I rarely solved any, but I just enjoyed the mystery, suspense, and complexity that went into those stories.

All the Disney characters, Grimm’s Fairy Tales and Aesop’s Fables, David Copperfield, Tom Sawyer, The Three Musketeers, Peter Pan, Robin Hood and all Jane Austen novels have made a permanent impression. I also read Indian authors like R.K. Narayan (Malgudi Days and many more), Ruskin Bond, ‘The Jungle Book’ by Rudyard Kipling; and also the Indian comics, Tinkle and Amar Chitra Katha (tales of Indian history and mythology in the graphic form).

Do you hide any secrets in your books that only a few people will find?

No, But my personal circumstances find expression in my writing and tend to seek some solace from the reader.

How many hours a day do you write?

I write in a study shared with my kids – it’s stacked with books and baskets full of pastels, watercolours, glue, wool, fabric, cameras and so on. I make pictures. I play music.

 

I’m normally at my desk by 7 a.m. and stop once I have done a good amount of work. That normally means 1500-2000 words or a poem or a scene for a story or a large amount of editing.

If I’m in the writing phase of something, it’s messier. I succumb to Twitter or Facebook. I pick fights with strangers of a different political persuasion from my own. I sign petitions. I go for walks. I pick through old piles of paper.

Each day is different: the work is very varied. Has my working day changed since publication?  I think my attitude has changed – before, I was on my own, trying to break through into the world on the other side of a slippery glass wall.

Now I’m on that other side, I feel I have to work harder. I don’t always love the work I do – but I know I’m one of the luckiest people alive to be doing now what I always wanted.

Tell us about your latest projects and where we can find them?

I am an infrequent poet and writer because of some personal issues. I first published an article in 1992, but there are so many intervals in the writing process that I became a freelance writer on variety of topics.

I have restarted my journey with the collection of poems and art, “Feel My Heart” published in 2016. “The Death of the Seas” will come in December, 2017.

I am working on another book “The History of English Poetry” to be published in early 2018. I regularly publish poems, articles and reviews. You can know more about me through my website.

Email-  sandeepmishra551974@hotmail.com

What is happening?

Exciting times for coming up for alot of us.

Samuel Colbran

It has been a while since I have written a blog. Some of it was due to the lack of motivation to write one, being distracted by either my writing or groups that I am a part of. Even typing this seems to be a little hollow and passing the buck. Just need to harden the truck up and do some blogs!

I have thought that Thursday will be my blog day, need to do something once a week. If I can’t do that, then why have a blog!

So what has been happening in the world of Samuel Colbran?

First off I now have a paperback of a superhero fantasy anthology which includes Kayla, Briana and Ciro with an addition of the first three chapters of the newly updated Lake Merrin! I have been ecstatic about this. Soon I will have a book in my hands with my name on it. It…

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A Chattering of Scattered Authors

by Melissa H North and Eleanor Hammond

This is a series of blogs introducing Authors of Tomorrow – these are the ones to keep an eye on. Each week I will deliver a blog with an interview from an author of a different genre.

 I met Eleanor a long time ago and we have stayed in contact through my visits to her for spiritual guidance and over our social media pages. Eleanor, along with her fun-loving personality is a very unique writer. Read on to be inspired!

Here is Eleanor’s newsletter link.

And website

 What is your writing Kryptonite?
Netflix, sunlight, happiness.

When I’m dancing around playing with life it’s hard to hold a laptop. The iPhone and dictation helps ‘hey Siri, open notepad, new note, idea for story, blah blah blah.’

I like to write first thing in the morning; it’s currently 6am, and when I write from around 3am onwards to dawn I’m in a kind of semi-dream-space still, I seem to tap into something far more magical than I can in the waking hours. The sun comes out and real life enters, lunches and school runs, and appointments to keep.

What are common traps for aspiring writers?
A writer must do it because they love writing; when someone says “what job would you do if you never got paid for it?” They have to respond with “I’d write!”

I find that if there’s no love, then there’s no playfulness in the use of words, which to me becomes boring lines of text.

Even if you want to become a serious writer; a journalist of world events, for example… If you have no wish to play with words, then nobody will enjoy reading what you have to say.

Does a big ego help or hurt writers?
Sorry I was trying to read that backwards in my mirror.

I don’t think of the word ego like others do. I see the word ego like saying ‘self,’ and you can’t have a big self or a small self. You just have yourself from the moment you enter the planet as a baby to the day you leave the planet again.

A writer has to know their own self in order to write from their perspective.

[image error]The trap is if you’re trying to be someone else. You’re trying to fill a void in your own self because you think you’re not good enough, that makes you act like someone else, or makes you act like you think you should be. Or makes you act like you think others want you to be, or makes you act like you think you should act when… sigh.. see the trap there?

There is no big or little ego when you’re authentic. Just be you. There’s no need for ego when there’s a steady stream of flowing ever-present consciousness demonstrated through your physical body.

Just be you.

What other authors are you friends with, and how do they help you become a better writer?
Ha ha ha.. now I’m hearing Harry Potter and mission impossible music as a background to this question.

Sure I’ll write out my friends list onto a piece of paper with my PIN number and place it in a bin close to the entrance to the cafe at 2pm on Sunday. Wear a carnation.

I have a very heavy confidentiality clause over my life and it’s called my integrity.

If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?
Far out, the writing I did when I was young was just as mature and philosophical and deep as anything I’ve written.

I’ve always known that young people are just as, if not more so, aware of who they are and the perspective they wish to show themselves from, sometimes in writing, their personal filter of the world; both fictional and non-fictional.

I’d tell my young self ‘never lose the trust in your own voice.’

So.. are you telling me I look old?

What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters from the opposite sex?
Ooooo I’d want to give them all the amazing stuff that I’d wish for if I was the opposite sex.. but sometimes they have to be the bad guy.

I generally (shhhhhh) take a conglomeration of people I already know and mix them together to make a character.

What is your favourite childhood book?
Only one? Seriously? I can’t remember the names of most of them.. I went into books to escape reality and love both Charles Dickens, Jane Austin, Douglas Adams, and Terry Pratchett equally.

The use of well known authors to answer this question is deliberate.

I also love reading true stories if they’re written emotionally, for instance ‘The Arctic Grail: The Quest for the North West Passage and the North Pole, 1818-1909’ which is an account of real people dying to find a path between Greenland and Iceland.

The lounge room bookshelf has Wilber Smith, Dean Koontz, Larson, the Complete works of William Shakespeare, the same for Jane Austin, Ken Follett, Piers Anthony, and a scattering of heaps of other books..

But, My favourite books are in my office..

So anyone visiting would take one look at my visible bookshelf and form an opinion that wasn’t correct, and that’s ok

Do you hide any secrets in your books that only a few people will find?

Definitely! 

I drew a naughty symbol on one and it’s appropriate for the message and intent, but not appropriate enough for me to say what it is in writing. People will see it or they won’t.

Want to buy my deck?

How many hours a day do you write?
It depends on how much time I have and if I’m not currently addicted to something on Netflix: see kryptonite comment above.

I booked Monday and Thursday for writing in my calendar; commit dudette, commit! But… the dreaded but.. it never happens that way.

Tell us about your latest projects and where we can find them?
My next tarot deck is with the publisher and is due to come out in the spring catalogue; northern hemisphere time.

Like any writer I have about six books on the go. I have a book called “Journey” which is a past life story. I have “Elves and Vegemite Sandwiches” which connects to the Aussie outback and fantasy. I have a time travel story that’s a bit Dean Koontz ‘Lightning.’ I have a few others on the go…

You’d have to break in to read them, and be warned, I’m awake tip-tapping at night.

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A Labour of Love Part 4

I’m having coffee with one of my favourite people, Cindy Rochstein, when I learn her powerful story. Four time author, PR consultant, public speaker and founder and CEO of a charity called Pencils Community. If you are like me and hit it off with Cindy, when you talk to her, you discover she has a story she doesn’t often reveal to others. A story about self-acceptance and self-love. It helped me look at the world in a different way and so I asked her to share it with me.

How to love a shark…

[image error]To me, the definition of self-love, is when you can truly look yourself in the mirror and say, “Hey, I am doing ok – I have my good bits and flaws but on the whole I am happy being me.” They say that the people who have lost the most are the ones that have the most to give – because they know what it feels like, and the desire for no one else to have to experience what they have, is extremely powerful.

Like many, I am my harshest critic and any judgement that someone else may have of me, does not compare to my own self-criticism. So, to self-accept means, I must welcome all the parts that make up me, and understand them. TEMET NOSCE. Latin for know thyself.

Some parts I welcome more than others, but I know ultimately, I must welcome them all and that at any point I can turn and look in the mirror and begin work on the aspects that, well, need some extra.

As a writer I have written in the past about this and have come to the conclusion that we are all made up of PEISES (yes that is NOT a typo, and yes it is meant to sound like pieces). The Latin definition and interpretation of PEISES is “Balance”, and my definition reflects this also.

In my view, Life and Holistic Wellness is made up of PEISES: “Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, Social, Environmental and Spiritual” aspects. We all have them within us. Some aspects are stronger than others, but no single aspect defines us. For instance, you could be an ultra-fit marathon runner, and yet be completely void of any spiritual awareness. You may be wealthy with a big house, and yet feel unsatisfied and emotionally closed. Or you might be me. Physically disabled, and yet still emotionally and mentally strong.

[image error]I was 19 when I left for a trip to Vietnam – I wanted to see and experience the world, challenge myself, and immerse myself in a culture both exotic and beautiful. This was also a time when it wasn’t “cool” to travel to countries like this, with a more safe and traditional path being England or Europe on a Contiki tour. So, I set off on my epic journey to conquer the path less travelled.

Vietnam is a country of amazing beauty, yet riddled with a dark history. The fallout, like land-mines, the lingering presence of Agent Orange, and extreme poverty are the scars that juxtapose against the beauty of the land and its people. I had set out to change the world…the only thing was…it changed me.

The trip changed me for the better; to travel independently, learn some language and culture, gain self-confidence, all those wonderful attributes when you succeed at a personal goal. The emotional, intellectual and social PEISES. There was, one down-side. It was so tiny. In fact literally part of the micro-cosmos, because a tick carrying a disease by the name of Rickettsia, bit me. I didn’t know, but life was about to take a bit of a downward spiral.

Upon my return, I seemed ok, but I knew intrinsically I had changed. Something was wrong. Over the next few years, I suffered unusual symptoms out of the blue. Dramatic weight loss, extreme jaundice, rashes and swollen joints and injuries to my knees and wrists that couldn’t be explained. Twelve long years passed, multiple surgeries and countless tests, dressed in a simple hospital robe feeling alone and vulnerable, while doctors looked for a reason, and finally, a diagnosis of “Rickettsia”. (For those not familiar with Rickettsia, it is similar in some ways to Lyme’s Disease). The unique part of Rickettsia is the cumulative effect over time. You know that joke about the person that goes to the doctor and the doctor says I have good news…we’re going to name a disease after you? In 12 years I had a toxicity level high enough to make me extremely sick. And its discovery made my very serious doctor jump up and down and shout “You beauty! We found it”.

[image error]Since ‘my cure’ of the disease, I have continued to suffer physically. Like Vietnam, my body has scars and lingering effects. Crutches and bandages, from swollen joints and limited range of movement, are a regular part of my day, as are pain killers and the next round of whatever immunosuppressant my doctors want to try. I like to laugh about it, and have renamed it ‘the shark disease’: as long as I keep moving, I am not as stiff and sore, but when I stop and sit, or at night time, the pain can be all-consuming.

I am now 41 – for over half my life I have been in a state of chronic physical pain and have been a pin cushion for every medical treatment available, forever the lab rat for medical staff to experiment with. I’ve become so conditioned to doctor’s appointments and injections I don’t even think about it. The doctor’s love letting the students administer blood tests to me, because their mistakes don’t even register on my pain scale.

Last month’s medical specialist statement was “I know you are looking for answers, but we just don’t have the technology yet to know how to treat you properly, and we do not know how much damage has been done to your body. No-one has suffered this disease untreated for so long and survived. You are lucky that for now, it is just in your joints and not your internal organs.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but it takes some tough-ass mental fortitude to be gracious in hearing this statement is my physical fate. I never knew I could string so many swear-words together in my head. Yet externally gracious and accepting, does not mean I have given up. Acceptance is not defeat, it is not giving up, it is acknowledgement of something I have little control over. I will always look for ways to improve my PEISES. So yes, I will admit to telling you all now, that I have in fact, become a shark J (a sense of humour is often required)!

I like to think that over the years I have gotten pretty good at it. I have learned to separate my physical from my other PEISES (even though I work daily on my physical).  I try to find the inner balance of life; a wonderful combination of Eastern and Western medicines. So as we speak, I am about to embark on round – 982 million of new treatments. With the next drug treatment via injection (this week) combined with golden turmeric paste, vegetable broth, meditation, hydropool, green kale breakfast shakes, and my boyfriend’s newly researched nutmeg drink to help me sleep. Yummy…

However despite all the drama, my mindset, emotional and mental health are strong. I am happy and in love. I have a beautiful daughter and an extended growing family and all I could wish for. I have my physical challenges, but I will not let them stop me. Sharks cannot stay still, so rather than let this mysterious disease control me, I control it.

One way in which I do this is through my beloved Pencils Community.

About two years ago after cleaning up my daughter’s desk I found a mountain of her pencils and just could not throw them away. So I wrote a Facebook post asking others to give me their pencils, and from this I grew an entire organisation and social enterprise known as Pencils Community. One of the reasons that it works so well, is that it is a simple concept that everyone can be involved with. It is my passion and it keeps me deeply connected to my community and the act of giving back to the world.

It covers every aspect of PEISES.

Physical, sorting pencils, even when in pain. Emotional, knowing that these pencils change the lives of children in need. Intellectual, talking to people and communicating the message and the excitement of growing a social enterprise. Social, sorting pencils on community sorting days, meeting the most wonderful and generous humanitarian rockstars (my next book in development). Environmental, knowing that every pencil that comes through my hands reduces landfill and creates a more sustainable future. Spiritual, looking into the eyes of a child that receives a pencils gift and seeing the spark of hope grow, receiving messages from around the world that fire me to do more and to be more.

I feel honoured that Pencils Community has helped thousands across many countries and continues to do so. It is these feelings that keep me building and growing Pencils Community. What gets me out of bed and moving every day, applying my bandages, taking my pain-killers and getting on with life. I would rather wear out than rust out.

I am not just the girl who went to beautiful Vietnam and came back with an illness, I am so much more. I am a shark, and even sharks can love and be loved.

~

 

www.pencilscommunity.com / FB/Pencils Community

Labour of Love Part 3

For women to rise above the insecurities we believe we have or those which society have inflicted upon us, we must close the confidence breach. This lacking belief in yourself, your worth and value inhibits your quality of life. It leads to missed opportunities or situations where you don’t feel equipped to handle the challenges of day to day living. There is a solution to close the breach of confidence.

CLOSE THE CONFIDENCE BREACH

To achieve self-acceptance; is to overcome the FEAR we struggle with constantly and for this, we need to ACKNOWLEDGE, UNDERSTAND and LEARN. Being told to ‘get over it’, just ‘doesn’t cut it’. Therefore by developing a wise knowledge of yourself and your triggers, meditation and other therapeutic options, we can Close The Confidence Breach.

We have the ability to achieve a successful result to a particular standard – your standard – by changing your opinion of yourself and reflecting a balanced view of who you are.

At the heart of self-acceptance is your core ideas or central belief in yourself. I am a good mother or I am……. Statements attaining to a positive perception of you and you knowing they are correct because you have life experience to back you up.

ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS

What experience in my life has taught me to value and appreciate myself?

I like myself when?

It’s OK for me to care for myself and enjoy what life has to offer me?

Am I kind and considerate to myself or over critical?

 

MENTAL AND PROUD

Hayley Hogan is a career woman, loving wife and mother of two beautiful children.  She found by gaining an understanding of the reason for her poor opinion of self, she could defeat unhelpful thinking and fight self-defeating behavioural patterns. This is Hayley’s experience.

My name is Hayley Hogan and I am Mental and PROUD. Mid last year is when I had my breakdown.

[image error]When I had my first child I remember being in the hospital and feeling terrified. I didn’t sleep and would just stare at my son and cry. The Doctor’s told me I had severe post-natal depression and upped my anti-depressants. I got better and have since had another child but now when I look back I realise it was anxiety.

I remember the feeling of loving this little baby with everything I had but I wanted to run. I wanted to run so far away and just live in the bush where I would never have to speak to anyone ever again. Or my other option I figured was to not speak again and they would put me into a Mental Institution.

Anxiety causes me to have horrible thoughts ‘I am a horrible mother/wife – my children/husband deserve better than this’. Anxiety also causes me to have disturbing thoughts ‘Maybe I will just pull into this oncoming traffic and I have my children in the car’. Once I was cutting up carrots and thought ‘I might just stab my husband’ (sorry honey lol). I was never going to do these things but by having these thoughts my anxiety sends me further in a downward spiral.

I hate the unreality/depersonalisation that anxiety brings. That feeling that the world is an illusion, everything normal, starts to feel abnormal. You feel as though you are watching yourself in the third person.

I had all the symptoms of anxiety for months before I realised what they were (stiff neck, headaches, dizzy, jelly legs, nausea, irritability, trouble sleeping, continually thinking every ache/pain was a terminal illness).

It was not until I presented to emergency with these symptoms, convinced that I must have a brain tumor, that the Doctors started to ask questions about stress..

I remember standing at my front door and looking out and being terrified to step outside. At this point I should explain that I have suffered with depression for the last 10 years and have been on numerous anti-depressants. My medication had not changed for the last five years. I was referred to a counselling service for meditation.

[image error]My immediate thoughts were ‘stuff the meditation and give me the medication’ but I was so desperate, I was willing to try anything. I went to the counselling session and learnt about progressive muscle relaxation and mindfulness.

These were amazing techniques which I never in a million years thought would work as I am not into anything like this. So that is what my days started to consist of. Wake up do some meditation, walk on the walker, force myself to eat, cry in the shower, meditate, take sleeping tablet, sleep afternoon, wake up and try and interact with children, force myself to eat, walk on walker, cry in the shower, meditate, take sleeping tablet and sleep the night waking up at least 3-5 times. This went on for weeks.

During these weeks I had a lot of time for reflection and with the help from the internet, I realised that I had been stretching myself to thin. I gave basically everything I had, first to my children, then my husband, then my community and never did I give anything to myself. The only time I did give to myself was when I looked at the inside of my microwave or fridge and thought, ‘I bet other women have sparkling clean fridge and microwaves. I am a failure.’ I saw other Mother’s at school who looked immaculate and I just felt like the frizzy haired, freckled faced lump I believed I was.

I soon realised that I needed to change, if I wanted to stop feeling this way, I needed to stop feeding my anxiety and I needed to stop trying to be what I thought everyone wanted me to be. I was trying so hard to be super mum that I forgot all about myself and my body/mind gave me the ultimate message and just broke down.

A visit to my doctor saw a prescription of valium and a referral to see a Psychiatrist at Mental Health handed to me. I was terrified to take the valium as I have a very addictive personality and did not want to get addicted. But I took some and the symptoms subsided and I relaxed. I made it to my appointment with the Psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) with slight Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from an event which happened at the hospital. I was advised to keep going with the anti-depressants and the meditation and they would review me in a year.

So this is what I did. I pushed through and tried to learn to live with the symptoms and went back to work. Everything was going alright, every day was still a struggle but I got through, until I had a setback and the symptoms came back. I went back to my doctor and we increased my anti-depressants.

A month later and the symptoms were still strong, so I returned to my doctor and he introduced another anxiety medication which also helped me sleep at night.

SLEEP, that is also my medication. I find without enough sleep the world is an even darker place, everything is a struggle.

I have two young children, a husband and a job that I love and want to continue doing. I do not have the time or energy to tackle anxiety on my own, so for now I will resort to using medication which may be looked at as a band aid but if I have to keep changing that band aid for the rest of my life, I will. I will not beat myself up about it(even though the anxiety is trying very hard to make me feel bad).

Just as someone has to take heart medication for the rest of their life, I have to take mental health medication for the rest of mine. My anxiety is still playing games with me and has changed from jelly legs to chest pains and always the dizziness, headaches and sore neck – they never go. I am back to full days at work but am absolutely exhausted every day.

Anxiety is your bodies way of telling you something needs to change, it attacks when you are physically and/or emotionally exhausted, so I have cut back on some of the extra activities I do in my life and have tried to simplify everything.

I think the worst thing about panic attacks and anxiety is that the majority of the time there seems to be no reason for it and when people ask you ‘why’ you have no answer. You just want to go back to the way you were months before all this!

I have found that educating myself around Anxiety has helped so much, it has helped reduce the fear which anxiety feeds off. I have read and researched and now do not fear sensations as much as I used too, such as: Tingling/Jelly legs – I know that all the adrenaline pumping around my body is causing these feelings.

Dizziness – I know that all the blood has rushed from my head to my legs to get them ready to run from the imaginary fear that my mind has created.

Sore Neck/Headaches – are from the tension and stress my body holds in my neck area.

Tiredness – from my body fighting the Fight or Flight response all day.

Disturbing thoughts/increased depression – from mental exhaustion.

When you really start to think about yourself and Anxiety you start to notice a pattern, I have a long journey ahead of me but I will get better and I will win this war with Anxiety.

I wanted to share my story so people can know that they are not alone and we can all win this war.

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Thank you Hayley for your contribution to my blog. You are an inspiration. Self-acceptance is experienced by changing thought patterns, taking one step at a time, by making a commitment to yourself to learn and understand who you are and by being prepared for ups and downs should they arise.

Next week A Labour of Love Part 4 with guest contributer Cindy Rochstein.