Micki Clark's Blog, page 4

#NaNoWriMo Sneak Peek #2!

Don’t worry, never fear–no spoilers here, just little sneak peeks of my NaNoWriMo project, The Soldier’s Wife. If you missed the first one, you can hop over and read the prologue here. Here’s a sneak peek from Chapter 1.

The sound of a slamming door reverberated in Barbara Ann Seward’s spine, and she leaned forward and grabbed the edge of the kitchen sink. Tinkling glass echoed from the foyer–he’d knocked one of the pictures off the wall. Again. She fought the urge to pluck one of the glass tumblers from the soapy water and toss it out the window at the retreating black Jeep.

Hot, angry tears stung her eyelids as she blinked them back. She would not cry. She would not give him that satisfaction, even if he wasn’t here to see it.

Bile bubbled in her throat, and she swallowed hard. Things with Ryan had been tense since he came back from his tour in Afghanistan, but this morning–well, this morning was different.

For a brief second there, Barbara was sure Ryan was going to hit her. She saw it in his eyes, just the slightest flicker of uncontrolled rage before he slammed a fist into the wall and stomped out of the house.

She stepped away from the sink and walked over to the wall. Slowly, she traced a finger on the indentation his clenched fist had made in the fussy wallpaper she’d always hated anyway. He’d come home later, flowers or something like that in hand, and they’d make up, sort of.

They never completely made up anymore.

 

#NaNoWriMo Sneak Peek! (The Soldier’s Wife)

Hey there, fellow readers and Wrimos! I’m working on a new project this year that I’m really excited about. It’s called The Soldier’s Wife, and I’m going to share a preview below!

Before we get in to the preview, though, I have to take the opportunity to remind you of a previous work I wrote during a NaNoWriMo–Don’t Ask Me to Leave, which is available on Amazon and in select stores (and other online retailers, but I prefer Amazon).

And now, without further adieu…your preview.

A House Divided

Not too long ago, my husband and I “cut the cord” and cancelled our cable subscription. It seemed like pretty good timing in one sense–we missed a lot of disturbing news coverage. Of course, you can never really escape such things, and therefore, even without watching the news, I knew all about Charlottesville. And then last week, about Hurricane Harvey. One of the things I definitely knew–no matter what was going on, people weren’t agreeing. 

A few weeks ago at church, we were discussing unity in our morning Bible class, and I shared a thought that struck me. We often tend to look back on the past with rose-colored glasses–that while now is a time of discontent, surely things were better “then”. You know, “then”?

I mean, things were really great in the 50s, right? Yeah… except for that pesky Civil Rights Movement and the fact that we were mistreating our fellow Americans left, right, and sideways. Maybe before that, things were good. Like around the 20s? Oh, wait… suffragists. Okay, fine, rewind another fifty years or so. Oops. Civil War.

It just keeps going, doesn’t it?

[image error]I am a resident of Kentucky, and we’re proud of our state motto: United we stand, divided we fall.

It sounds so good. Very simplistic and to-the-point. Our general assembly adopted the motto all the way back in December of 1792. But where did they get the idea?

[image error]It’s possible that they took it from “The Liberty Song”, published in the July 1768 Boston Gazette by one John Dickinson, a politician and lawyer from Philadelphia, PA. Dickinson had some experience with unity (or lack thereof), having served as a member of the First Continental Congress, the fifth President of Delaware, and also the fifth President of Pennsylvania (not going to lie, I didn’t know either of those last two were a thing).

Part of “The Liberty Song” goes like this:

“Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all,

By uniting we stand, dividing we fall,

In so righteous a cause let us hope to succeed,

For heaven approves of each generous deed.”

But where did Dickinson get his idea from? Perhaps from Aesop, and the fable of the Four Oxen and the Lion:

“A Lion used to prowl about a field in which Four Oxen used to dwell.  Many a time he tried to attack them; but whenever he came near they turned their tails to one another, so that  whichever way he approached them he was met by the horns of one of them.  At last, however, they fell a-quarrelling among themselves, and each went off to pasture alone in a separate corner of the field.  Then the Lion attacked them one by one and soon made an end of all four.



United we stand, divided we fall.“  (www.aesopfables.com)

It’s not just the secular world that shares this viewpoint. Mark 3:25 tells us that “if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand”. Matthew 12:25 says, in part, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.” Luke 11:17 reads much the same.

In fact, the Bible gives us plenty of examples of unity and togetherness. Luke 10:25-37 tells us the story of the Good Samaritan, who steps out of his comfort zone to be kind to someone in need.

[image error]That’s not the only example. Rahab, in the book of Joshua, assists the Israelite spies, at great personal risk. Even though they are different from her, she puts her own life on the line to help them and do the right thing.

I think what frustrates me the most about the relative lack of unity in our world is that so much of it is because we are so quick to knee jerk and point fingers (or share that meme or mean post). We stop thinking of others as people and think only that they are someone whose beliefs do not align with ours. We forget what Jesus warned in John 8:7 – “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”. We forget Matthew 7 and Luke 6, which warn us to deal with the two-by-four in our own eye before worrying about a speck of dust in our brother’s.

I am trying harder not to judge people; to be universally kind and more considerate of the needs and beliefs of others. I am pointedly sharing fewer and fewer articles and memes. I’m trying to make prayer my first reaction more frequently (so hopefully I need to ask forgiveness less frequently).

It doesn’t hurt me at all to pause and try to understand someone else–their background and the pressures that they are facing. We all need to take a step back and stop sharing things that are divisive and spend more time doing things that edify and unify. Don’t you agree?

Micki Clark is the author of Don’t Ask Me to Leave, a contemporary fiction novel based on the Biblical story of Ruth and Naomi. The novel is available from Amazon.com and select retailers.

Through the Looking Glass

A few days ago, I ran into someone I hadn’t seen for awhile, and we were chatting about a mutual acquaintance of ours from several years ago. I was very surprised to find that our memories of this person were dramatically different–a person that I had always seen as good, kind, and thoughtful was viewed by my friend as spiteful and vindictive.

I’ve taken some time to reflect on how our visions of the same person can be so dramatically different, and what I keep coming back to is a verse from the Bible–I Corinthians 13:12.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. King James Version

In ancient times, mirrors were very different from ours. In fact, not so very long ago at all, mirrors were simply shiny pieces of metal. When the metal became tarnished, the reflection was a shadow of the truth.

[image error]Unfortunately, that’s often the reality of how we see others. We are looking through darkened, soiled, or even broken glass, preventing us from seeing each other clearly. What we perceive to be truth is merely a shadow of the reality.

Even more unfortunate is the tendency to hide behind that broken or cloudy mirror, presenting only a portion of ourselves to others and hoping that they’ll never see the darkness below the surface.

The more I thought about my friend and our mutual acquaintance, the more I wondered how others view me. What reflection is it that I present to the world? Am I hoping that a dirty mirror will hide my weaknesses, my shames, and my inadequacies from others, or am I ready to be known?

More modern versions of the Bible help us to interpret the verse as meaning that while we cannot always see things clearly, there is a One who can. We may not see the truth in others (or ourselves) just yet, but there will come a time when all is made known.

[image error]The fact is that we can only somewhat influence how we are seen by others. Some people will intentionally view us through a “funhouse mirror”, distorting the reality to meet their own perceptions. No matter how pure an image they project, they will always see what they wish.

So, does that mean it’s okay to just give up?

Nope. Luke tells us differently in Luke 6:31.

And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. King James Version

The best way to ensure that others are not seeing us through the glass “darkly” is to be a light unto the world. If I want to be seen by others in a certain way, then I must be that way. It doesn’t work to present a shadow and hope that everyone will see only that dim reflection–because somewhere, there’s someone who is seeing you clearly.

By the same token, I need to stop holding up my magnifying glass or funhouse mirror when I am regarding others, subjecting them to scrutiny that I would never be able to withstand myself.

I’d like to tell you that I’ve never been guilty of that–of looking at others through that dirty or distorted glass–but I think you see me clearly enough to know that I’d be lying to you.

I’m not sure why as humans we make so many assumptions that we know what lurks under the surface. The Bible’s pretty clear that no man is able to know another in that way (I Corinthians 2:11):

For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God.

One of our favorite worldly traditions is setting resolutions for ourselves, particularly in January for New Year’s. As I am a teacher, my personal “New Year” is about to begin, and this year, I am making my own set of resolutions:

I will stop assuming that the reflection I see is the summary of the whole. Just as we only see the tip of an iceberg emerging from the water, I must remember that I am not able to see and know the whole of another person. It takes time for the reflection to be made clear.
I will do a better job working to ensure that the image others see of me is not merely a reflection, but a representation of truth. We all fall short of the glory of God, of course, but that’s no excuse not to take a little extra effort to ensure that what we see in that mirror is pleasing to the eye.

And what about you? What do others see when they peer over your shoulder into your mirror? What do you need to do about that reflection?

MICKI CLARK is the author of Don’t Ask Me to Leave, a modern retelling of the Biblical story of Ruth and Naomi. The novel is available in both digital and print form on Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06X6J7QLZ

Thank You!

What a great day it’s been. I am so appreciative of the fabulous article in the Madisonville Messenger, and thank you to everyone who came by to speak to me at today’s book signing and/or purchased a copy of Don’t Ask Me to Leave! It’s been a really fun journey and I’m so glad to have you all along with me.

If you didn’t get a chance to come to the book signing today and would like to have a signed copy, please email me. If you are local, we can meet, although I will also ship books to you. Mount Sterling folks–stay tuned for details of book signings in your area!

Again, thank you so much for your love and support! It means a great deal!

Love Yourself, Love Your Neighbor (Add to Your Faith #3)

This is the third blog in the Add to Your Faith series. Read the rest of the series here.

Love is a great buzzword, right? After all, God is love, or so we say. My husband and I are currently trying to plan a way to celebrate the fifteenth anniversary of our marriage–a milestone brought to you courtesy of… wait for it… love. 

[image error] For something so present in our lives, you’d think we’d understand more about it, but I think many people misunderstand one of the most basic tenets of love: to love anyone else, you must first love yourself. I’m not the only person who thinks so. Mark Twain once said, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” Lucille Ball would later comment, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

Why does that matter? It could be argued that you shouldn’t love yourself–after all, the Bible tells us to be humble. I mean, I just wrote about that myself. But you know what? You must love yourself to love others.

Luke 6:31 tells us to “do unto others”. How can I love others if I don’t love myself? Romans 12:9 adds to that by saying that love must be sincere.

I must have a pure, Christian love for myself to be able to love others. That sounds complicated, but it’s not–the Lord gave us a blueprint for that love right in I Corinthians 13, right?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” (verse 4)

One of the most difficult things to do with yourself sometimes is to be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. In fact, we can be harder on ourselves than anybody else could ever hope… and unfortunately, when we’re being hard on ourselves, we’re often subject to pass that unkindness on to others. When we’re feeling stressed and upset, we snap at those that are closest.

My three kids help me remember this on a regular basis. I would never have classified myself as a patient person, but they are teaching me patience. I’ve still got a lot to learn, but I see myself reacting differently than I did years ago. What I have noticed is that when I am centered, calm, and relaxed, my emotions pass on to my kids–no matter how simple or serious the issue. Sometimes I have to put my own needs or wants to the side for them, and sometimes they have to do the same for me. It’s a give and take. None of us are more important than the others. We are all even in God’s eyes.

“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (verse 5)

[image error] Okay, yeah, this part’s really been a struggle for me (the easily angered part). In my childhood, my temper was legend. Legend, I tell you. And yeah, I can still get my rage on when necessary, but I’ve learned to rein it in considerably. The kicker here is the rest of the verse. Love does not dishonor others. Nothing positive will come from my negativity toward others. In fact, it’s usually the opposite–run other people down, and you just make yourself look bad. And then there’s the whole “keeping record of wrongs” thing. I was chatting with someone about this earlier. Women are notorious for this. 

I may or may not be able to recall an incident from my early elementary school days where a young classmate of mine pulled my hair while we were on the carpet for story time. The substitute teacher, who may or may not have had shoulder-length brown hair and white clothes on as she sat in the rocking chair with that book, may or may not have sent me to the corner as punishment for talking (even though all I said was “ouch” and I wasn’t the one who had pulled the hair). 

I still get a little huffy thinking about that incident.

You all, it’s been somewhere in the neighborhood of thirty years since that day, but I still remember That Woman’s name (and think of her as That Woman). Isn’t that ridiculous? Now, I’m an adult, and I realize it’s silly, but that doesn’t change the fact that the emotion’s still there, however deeply it may be buried. You know who doesn’t remember that day?

Anybody else.

So who am I hurting by keeping that memory alive? 

That’s right. Me. And only me.

That’s an exaggerated example, but it’s no different than being in the middle of a fight with my husband and dragging out all of our baggage from fifteen  years of marriage and four years of dating. That wouldn’t be loving at all–not loving to him, and not loving to myself. Why would I want to carry painful things around? A loving heart does what God does… forgives and forgets, and allows the slate to be wiped clean.

I am so excited to be celebrating fifteen years of marriage, but honestly, I’m just as proud of the fact that I have finally learned to love myself enough to allow me to have the best possible love for others. By releasing some of my own selfish desires, some of my own selfish preoccupations, and my own personal store of hurt feelings and pouty moments, I’ve opened my heart more fully than I could have ever hoped to before. I hope you can say the same!

Missed a post in the Add to Your Faith series? Catch up here.

MICKI CLARK is the author of Don’t Ask Me to Leave, available on Amazon (print and digital) and other fine retailers.

Newlywed Rachel Miller has everything she could want from life—the perfect husband, her dream job, and a cute little house in the country—but the daydream is shattered when her husband is killed in a tragic accident. Her mother-in-law, Nadine, takes her in as she tries to pick up the pieces, and their handsome neighbor Beau is willing to help…if Rachel will let him. Does she dare open her heart for a second chance at love? – Don’t Ask Me to Leave, March 2017

 

 

Hit the Ball! (Add to Your Faith #2)

As a mom of three youngsters, I spend a lot of time at the little league fields. I guess we’ve been playing ball for something like seven years now, although some nights it feels a lot longer. My husband and I help where we can, be it as “dugout mom/dad”, a base coach, et cetera. Over that seven years, I’ve observed a lot more than just children learning to play ball–I’ve observed the adults.

Some of you are wondering what that has to do with growing your faith. True, learning to play center field isn’t going to bring a child to Jesus–but teaching and guiding children is universal.

Whether we are trying to “train up a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6) or teach a kid how to slide into third, we must begin by identifying their needs.

Step One: Identify Their Needs

[image error]One of my biggest frustrations is when I am standing alongside the fence, in the dugout, or at third base and I am hearing “advice” screamed from the bleachers. “THROW THE BALL!!!” one mama bellows. “HOLD IT!” screams the coach. “EAT IT!” a dad barks from the fence. “RUN IT IN, SUSAN!” squeals her grandma.

And there, at the edge of the infield, the child bounces from one foot to the other, arm cocked back and ball ready to fly–and they do nothing.

The adults are furious and frustrated, but what they fail to realize is that they haven’t identified the needs of the child. The child has a fundamental need to understand what they must do so they can make an intelligent decision.

Again, you’re telling me that has nothing to do with faith–but doesn’t it? Too often, our children find themselves staring down sin for the first time–and they’re feeling just alone as that little girl in the infield. Yeah, they know the general concept of Christianity–don’t do bad stuff–but they have no idea how that works in practice. They’ve never been standing there at a party before with people giving them all sorts of “advice”. “Just drink it,” her best friend advises. “It won’t hurt if you just drink one,” another girl explains. “Your mom will never know,” her boyfriend says with a grin.

And there she stands, hovering with indecision. She knows not to sin, but does she really know why?

Step Two: Provide Useful Guidance

[image error]That brings us to step two: providing useful guidance. I cannot stand it when parents scream vague instructions and then get upset that their kids don’t follow to the letter. Baseball’s a complicated game. Sometimes you tag the bag and sometimes you tag the runner. Sometimes you should throw to second, sometimes to third, sometimes home, sometimes you hold it… in other words, what works in this one situation isn’t going to work in almost every other situation.

What’s important is that we provide kids with useful guidance. If I explain to them what a force out is, then maybe they’ll understand why sometimes they tag the bag and sometimes they tag the runner.

And the same thing goes for their Christian faith. Just telling them “don’t do that” is not really any more helpful than “throw the ball” or “eat it” (and yes, I’m still trying to figure out why people scream that every. single. play.) Instead, we need to raise our children by providing them useful guidance in their Christian walk. Why don’t you want them to get drunk at a party? What ramifications does it have, both immediate and lasting? Why don’t you want them to use curse words? Why would you rather your daughter not wear that dress?

Provide your kids with useful guidance. Show them how to study the Bible and apply it to their lives. Show them how to make connections with the right kind of people to help them grow in their faith–and show them how to deal with those that aren’t. Simply telling our kids to avoid sin isn’t enough. They’ll spend their lives surrounded by temptations, and unless we teach them how to deal with those, we run the risk that they’ll make the wrong decision in that clutch moment.

Step Three: Provide Supportive Reconstructive Criticism

And what happens when they do make that wrong decision?

When you’re standing there on the field and a kid overthrows the ball, strikes out, or accidentally tags their own teammate, you see this facial expression sometimes. It’s a heartbreaker. They’re wrong, and they know it, and thanks to all the people screaming at them from the stands, they know that everybody else knows it too. And for some kids, that’s game over. They can’t get over that one wrong decision, and it follows them the rest of their game. They strike out every at bat. Every throw is wild and they couldn’t catch a ball if it were attached to their glove with a string.

I particularly hate it when parents scream things like “Why didn’t you catch that ball?” Um, I guarantee you they’d rather have caught it. They didn’t miss on purpose.

And we don’t sin on purpose. Not really, anyway. Yes, we’re aware of our decisions, but we don’t leave the house in the morning planning to flout God’s law. It just kind of happens… like that wild pitch or passed ball.

Just like those little ones on the field, our teenagers sometimes lose heart when they get caught in a sin. Everybody knows about it. Nobody will ever be able to look at them again without knowing.

What do we do then?

Simple. We provide supportive, reconstructive criticism.  

For my son’s birthday this week, we went to Kart Kountry. One of the attractions they have is batting cages. Each of my kids got in the batting cage, and their dad stood in an opposite cage. Before every swing, he gave them gentle redirections, helping them reposition their feet, their elbows, their hands, et cetera. Instead of yelling at them for every “strike”, he helped them figure out where they were going wrong until all three of them were connecting solidly at the faster speeds. He taught them to understand the connections between their position and their ability to hit the ball.

Too often, we forget this step. But I think it’s because sometimes we forget Romans 3:23. We all have sinned. We all fall short of the glory of God. All of us. We all struggle with different things at different times, and we all can benefit from a helping hand–a good “coach” helping us back on the right path.

We have to help young Christians understand where they are in their walk, and help them understand the minor corrections they need to make to stay on the straight and narrow path. There’s no need to overwhelm them or get upset with their mistakes. That just serves to frustrate everyone. Instead, take a deep breath and provide them with the support they need. You’ll be glad you did.

Missed a post in the Add to Your Faith series? Catch up here.

MICKI CLARK is the author of Don’t Ask Me to Leave, available on Amazon (print and digital) and other fine retailers.

Newlywed Rachel Miller has everything she could want from life—the perfect husband, her dream job, and a cute little house in the country—but the daydream is shattered when her husband is killed in a tragic accident. Her mother-in-law, Nadine, takes her in as she tries to pick up the pieces, and their handsome neighbor Beau is willing to help…if Rachel will let him. Does she dare open her heart for a second chance at love? – Don’t Ask Me to Leave, March 2017

Humble Yourselves (Add to Your Faith #1)

 

This is the first in a series of blog posts about Christian virtues (a series I’m calling “Add to Your Faith”). In today’s post, I’d like to examine the word humility.

There’s no shortage of instruction in the Bible regarding humility; in fact, the word ‘humble’ first appears in the Bible in Exodus (KJV). Perhaps one of the most famous verses (at least, that I am aware of) is James 4:10, which tells us to “Humble [ourselves] in the sight of the Lord”.

But really, what does that mean? Most of us do not consider ourselves prideful people, and indeed, when you think of those you know, there are surely only a few you can place in that category. It’s pretty easy to identify people who have a high opinion of themselves.

This afternoon, I was watching Jane Austen’s Emma (1996, starring Gwyneth Paltrow), and I was struck by Mrs. Elton’s manners. She is a master of the “humble brag”: “I do not profess to be an expert in the field of fashion (though my friends say I have quite the eye) but I can tell you, there is a shocking lack of satin!” Sure, she never personally brags on herself, but she spends plenty of time sharing what her friends say about her greatness:

It’s easy to identify a Mrs. Elton, and easy enough to say “I’ll never be like that.” However, those who are fans of the novel or one of its film adaptations know that there is another significant scene, involving Emma, the hapless Miss Bates, and a healthy dose of humility.

Emma is like most of us, caught up in her own life, her own needs, and her own desires. She is not overly prideful or outwardly concerned with herself. In fact, she spends the majority of her time scheming to get her friends and acquaintances married off. While she takes pride in her appearance, she doesn’t seek to drape herself with pounds upon pounds of adornments.

And that’s how we are, too. Sure, we check the mirror before leaving the house to make sure we look presentable–but we’re not vain (or so we tell ourselves). We spend time working for others, with others–for our spouses, our kids, our coworkers. We give to charitable organizations and donate what we can.

…and unfortunately, sometimes, we delude ourselves like Emma into forgetting the importance of humility.

While Emma has a good, kind heart, she does fail in one respect–Miss Bates. Miss Bates is beneath Emma’s station, a spinster who often makes up for her isolation by having a week’s worth of conversation in an afternoon. Her chatter is mindless, inane, and harmless:

Emma and her friends are generally kind to Miss Bates, although they do tend to avoid her when possible. However, there comes a moment when Emma is harshly unkind to Miss Bates. Mr. Frank Churchill proposes a game, where each person will say “one thing very clever … two things moderately clever, or three things very dull indeed”. Emma delivers a nasty little barb to Miss Bates, who will have, in her opinion, a very difficult time saying only three dull things:

Emma’s companion, Mr. Knightley, chastises her for what she’s done, and when presented with it, Emma is horrified with what she’s done.

So what’s the point of all this? Humility is defined as a moderate view of one’s own importance or station in life. Christ continually set examples for us to be servants to others, instructing us to “clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” (Col. 3:12). It’s regrettably easy to forget to have compassion for others who are “beneath us”.

What do I mean? Consider the last time you were at a restaurant. How did you treat your server? What about the last time you were at the ball field and someone else had left behind trash? Did you stop to pick up and toss that empty Gatorade bottle, or did you leave it for someone else?

My children and I are currently working on this virtue. Yesterday, when the dryer kicked off, I asked the children to unload it and put away the laundry. Each child grabbed what was obviously their own and left the rest of the laundry balled up on the couch. I called them back in, and my oldest huffed a sigh. “It’s not my laundry,” he explained. “I shouldn’t have to put it away.”

But really, what does it cost us to be kind to others–to be a servant to others? When we are only concerned with ourselves and doing for ourselves, we are missing out on a chance to be Christlike. That being said, we don’t have to debase ourselves. I wouldn’t expect my sons to go clean my daughter’s room. However, they can humble themselves and help her put her laundry away since they are taller and can more easily reach the closet rod.

As you go about your daily life, seek out ways in which you can humble yourself, and by doing so, lift up others and yourself.

MICKI CLARK is the author of Don’t Ask Me to Leave, available on Amazon (print and digital) and other fine retailers.

Newlywed Rachel Miller has everything she could want from life—the perfect husband, her dream job, and a cute little house in the country—but the daydream is shattered when her husband is killed in a tragic accident. Her mother-in-law, Nadine, takes her in as she tries to pick up the pieces, and their handsome neighbor Beau is willing to help…if Rachel will let him. Does she dare open her heart for a second chance at love? – Don’t Ask Me to Leave, March 2017

Why can’t we remember Memorial Day?

Facebook is littered this week with all sorts of things about Memorial Day–advertisements for Memorial Day sales, photos of people at Memorial Day barbecues, and scads of people wishing each other “Happy Memorial Day”–but the sad fact is that most of us can’t remember ever really knowing what Memorial Day meant (aside from the fact that it’s a three-day weekend, that is). Every now and then, you’ll see a meme or a photo designed to shock you into remorse, usually of a solider’s graveside and the caption “In case you thought it was about bbq”, but rarely do we see a *real* push to help people understand just exactly what Memorial Day actually is, and why we should care. Since I’m a teacher, first and foremost, here’s what you need to remember about Memorial Day:

It’s not just another holiday.

There are lots of “military” days on the calendar, some that we all celebrate and some that we don’t: Memorial Day, Veterans Day, Armed Forces Day, Flag Day, the various “birthdays” of each division of the armed forces, some old days (V-E day and V-J day) and some new ones (Patriot Day). While I personally think that we should be thankful of our military personnel every day–because let’s face it, they do things on a daily basis that most of us would never be willing and/or able to do in a lifetime–each day has its own specific purpose.

Veterans Day – On November 11, 1919, then-President Woodrow Wilson addressed the nation on the first-ever Armistice Day, urging us to be grateful to those who served in WWI. It wasn’t until the mid-1950s that the holiday was approved by Congress and rechristened Veterans Day–and it wasn’t until 1978 that the date was cemented as November 11. Originally, the day was to honor WWI veterans, but eventually it came to honor all veterans.

Armed Forces Day – In America, Armed Forces Day is the Saturday at the end of Armed Forces Week, which begins on the second Saturday in May and ends on the third Sunday of May. It was created in 1949 to honor all those serving in the five branches of our armed forces–Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard–instead of each branch having its own day (although each branch has retained their own days: (http://militarybenefits.info/military...).

Memorial Day – this day got its beginnings as Decoration Day, although the exact origin is open to quite a lot of debate. The general consensus, though, is that the day began with a practice of decorating the graves of veterans killed in the American Civil War. By 1890, all of the Northern states celebrated Decoration Day, although the South was a little late to the party, choosing to honor their dead on a different day until after World War I. While Memorial Day is now a national federal holiday, some states do still have a separate day set aside to honor specific groups (like Confederate war dead or the Gettysburg Remembrance Day in November each year).

What’s with the red flowers?

I’ve never been more chagrined at my own ignorance than about 13-15 years ago while traveling on the highway. We stopped at a rest area, and two older veterans were standing with little paper flowers on the sidewalk. I thought it was odd, but I just shrugged and moved on. What I didn’t realize is that those red flowers were poppies–and they have a lot of significance.

On May 3, 1915, Lieutenant-Colonel John McCrae wrote the poem “In Flanders Fields” after presiding over the funeral of a friend and fallen soldier:

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

One day in November 1918, a teacher, Moina Michael, happened to see a copy of McCrae’s poem. She decided that she would wear a red poppy in remembrance, and the rest, as they say, is history. In 1922, the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) adopted the Remembrance Poppy idea and began using disabled and needy veterans to assemble their “Buddy” Poppies. By doing so, they can provide these veterans with financial assistance. The Buddy Poppy program “provides compensation to the veterans who assemble the poppies, provides financial assistance in maintaining state and national veterans’ rehabilitation and service programs and partially supports the VFW National Home For Children”. (https://www.vfw.org/community/communi...)

Why can’t I say “Happy Memorial Day”?

While many people think that Memorial Day is a day to remember all those who have served, it’s actually a day to remember our dead… which makes it a little callous to say “Happy Dead Friends and Family Day”. Some veterans and family members take very deep offense to this, and are annoyed quite a bit by the fact that Memorial Day has been turned into a start-of-summer party. In fact, Senator Daniel Inouye from Hawaii campaigned for years to have the date moved back to its original date (and away from the three-day holiday), and other organizations, including the VFW, have advocated for it to change.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your three-day weekend. One of the very things our soldiers fight so valiantly for is our freedom to live our lives. Most of the soldiers and veterans I know would be first in line for that thick, juicy burger hot off the grill. But do consider taking a moment Monday at 3:00 PM and joining the country in a moment of silence to think of those who can’t snag a Coke from the cooler. And the next time you’re in line at the grocery store and you see that gentleman in front of you wearing a veterans baseball cap–maybe you might take a moment to tap him on the shoulder and thank him for his service.

The Way to a Man’s Heart

One of the common motifs in Don’t Ask Me to Leave is food. Nadine loves to bake pastries and pies, and she’s an excellent cook. In fact, Beau and Rachel’s first “date” centers around homemade pizza and a movie.

So, why all of the food “stuff”?

Well, there’s a reason that we have the proverb “The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. We all find comfort in food, and men are certainly no exception. However, there’s more to it than that.

When Rachel is floundering for a way to find herself after the death of her husband, she steps into the kitchen with her mother-in-law. For many people, working in the kitchen is soothing and comforting. I love working with my children in the kitchen, especially when we are making a treat.

As far as the homemade pizza goes, well, that idea came from two places. When my husband and I were dating, I was the only girl in our group of college friends. There were several times that the guys would all go Krogering and come back and I’d make them something in the dorm kitchen. One of the easiest things to make and customize for a large group of people (especially guys) is pizza, because you can spread the toppings out.

Joseph and I still like to make homemade pizza together. I buy the Chef Boyardee crust mix, stir in some herbs and spices, and bake the crust for ten minutes or so before we load it up with toppings and slide it back in the oven.  The kids love to help “make” dinner, and our pizzas are often much more filling and tasty than if we’d bought them somewhere else. Our last pizza was a barbecue pork and onion pizza…delish.

Are you someone who finds comfort in your kitchen? What do you like to serve up for your loved ones?

Micki S. Clark is the author of Don’t Ask Me to Leave, a modern retelling of the Biblical story of Ruth and Naomi.

Newlywed Rachel Miller has everything she could want from life—the perfect husband, her dream job, and a cute little house in the country—but the daydream is shattered when her husband is killed in a tragic accident. Her mother-in-law, Nadine, takes her in as she tries to pick up the pieces, and their handsome neighbor Beau is willing to help…if Rachel will let him. Does she dare open her heart for a second chance at love?

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