Robin Alexander Gregory's Blog, page 4

The Lucius Chronicles Hits One Million Sales

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The Lucius Chronicles Hits One Million Sales
… This is the interview that I will give when the inevitable happens…

Editor’s Note: It is April 1, okay… Read on and enjoy yourselves!

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So, The Lucius Chronicles has just hit one million sales. Congratulations! How are you feeling at the moment?

Bewildered. Amazed. Hugely overjoyed. I mean, it really is a dream come true. To have this level of success with a book and so soon after publication, too. It really is fantastic. Absolutely out of this world, in fact!

 

For those people who haven’t yet discovered The Lucius Chronicles, tell us a little bit about the book and why they should read it.

The Lucius Chronicles is a compilation of the three books that make up the DATS Trilogy: Death and the Schoolboy, Death and the Atom Bomb, and Death and the End. They follow the adventures of Johnny and Eddie, the Death of Children, as they try to save the Earth, Deathville and ultimately, the entire Universe, from Uncle Lucius, the oldest, wisest and most unpleasant of all the Deaths.

It was originally intended as a children’s book, so I just let my imagination run wild when I was creating the storyline, to give kids something really unusual and exciting to get their teeth into. But since its release, it seems to have found a much wider audience, which is really heartening for me to discover.

 

Death is a pretty morbid subject to be writing about. Don’t you think that it will put readers, especially younger ones, off?

Not at all. Death is something that happens all around us, every day, whether it’s a fly found on a windowsill or the passing of a family pet or a relative, and I think that we do kids a disservice by shielding them from the reality of it. And besides, The Lucius Chronicles follows the pattern of all classic children’s literature, in that none of the heroes actually die and it is only the really bad guys that meet a grisly end.

Rather than thinking of it as a book about death or something grim and frightening, I view it as just a really exciting adventure story that happens to take place in a slightly dark and spooky world beyond our own, which is something that I believe younger readers will really enjoy.

 

What are you going to do with all the royalties that are pouring in? Hopefully, not retire!

No, definitely not retire. As I say on my website (www.rob-gregory.com) writing is in my blood and I can’t see myself ever stopping. The royalties are just a means to an end, which in my case, means that I can continue writing stories that I hope will entertain and delight people for many, many years to come.

 

It hasn’t always been like this for you. Tell us about the early days, when you first began writing.

Well, I first started writing full-time back in 2017 and initially, I was full of optimism, like any other aspiring writer, I suppose. Looking back, I didn’t realise how hard it would be to get noticed, let alone actually be read by anyone and as the years passed — and we are talking years — my confidence started to get eroded as the silence around me grew ever louder. I was following all of the advice out there, trying to build an audience on Facebook and Twitter, as well as on other networking and book-fan sites. I even spent a fair bit of money on advertising, but without much success. I’ll freely admit that there were times when I got pretty depressed and frustrated, but even when I was at my lowest ebb, I still believed that what I was putting out there was worthy of an audience, which helped keep me going.

 

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The Lucius Chronicles by R.A. Gregory. This is what all the fuss is about!

 

Out of all the books and short stories that you’ve written to date, which is your favourite?

Oh, that’s a horrible question! To be honest, I love all of the things that I’ve written equally. It’s a politician’s answer, I know, but that’s the truth. Each story that I’ve created is different and because of that, it’s unique. The DATS Trilogy and The Lucius Chronicles get me because they are magical, and I find myself flying through them, lost in the world that I created. With Drynwideon, it’s the situations and sarcastic banter between the main characters that I enjoy the most, plus, the ending makes me smile every time! And as for the short stories, I love the way that the majority of them either have a subtle twist or deal with a completely new idea or situation. Even the piece that I am working on at the moment, provisionally entitled, Turning the Tide, is a really rewarding experience, which has allowed me to blend my own experiences in Northern Thailand, with fictional characters and a plot that would never likely happen in real life, but is just plausible enough, that it might.

 

You mentioned Drynwideon, the world’s first anti-fantasy novel. Any plans for a sequel or series?

Yes, I think that I’ve mentioned elsewhere that I’d like to do a sequel to Drynwideon. Although I originally intended it to be a single volume story, ever since I finished it, I’ve had people asking me what happened to Drin, the cheeky but lovable hero next. I’ve got a few ideas, which I’m playing around with at the moment, so who knows, maybe a sequel will be out by the end of the year or early next?

 

Talking about series. Which do you prefer, a series or a stand-alone novel?

Another tricky question! For me, I tend to prefer stand-alone novels, because I don’t get left on a cliff hanger, which I find really frustrating and annoying. That said, I’ve come across some really good series, such as the Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb and the Ea Cycle by David Zindell. I guess, and it’s another politician’s answer I’m afraid, if you can create a series, where every volume is a stand-alone story, such as The Flashman Papers by George MacDonald Fraser or Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books, then I’m in seventh heaven.

 

Self-publishing has become a massive growth industry over the last ten years or so. What are your thoughts on the viability of the traditional publishing industry?

Funnily enough, I think that traditional publishing still has a lot of steam left in it, despite the rise of self-published eBooks. For one thing, there’s no shortage of new titles coming out each year and while more and more people are reading electronically, there are still many folks out there who still really enjoy flicking through a physical book.

One thing which I think that traditional publishers will need to do, and in some cases, are already doing, is to embrace new technology and market their titles as widely as possible online. And they do have an advantage in this regard, which I think is currently underplayed. That is, by the time that a traditionally published book reaches the shelves, regardless of whether they are physical or electronic shelves, that book will have been critiqued, edited, proofread and prepared to an extremely high standard, meaning that it should be an exceptional quality purchase for the reader.

 

What about literary agents? How do you see their role changing as a result of the self-publishing onslaught?

I think that literary agents still play a vital role in bridging the gap between the author and publisher, and I firmly believe that this will be the case in the future, especially for eBook publishing. If you have a good agent, then they should be doing everything possible to get you the best deal for your work, regardless of whether it is physical or electronic. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that if you have a really good agent, then they should not only be exhausting all possible traditional publishing routes for you, but also looking at whether or not your book would perform better in virtual space and helping to you to maximise its success there as well. After all, it’s all about money at the end of the day and if your book isn’t performing at its peak, then it’s not making you, or your agent, as much as it could!

 

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R.A. Gregory – Author of The Lucius Chronicles

 

You create amazing worlds and characters, unlike anything that’s gone before. In many ways, you’re something of a genre-buster. But you must have influences. Care to tell us something about them?

I’ve said this before, but my feeling is that everything I’ve ever read has influenced me in some way or other. Even the books that I’ve really struggled with have left an impression on me. Apart from authors showing me what makes a captivating story, through the power of their writing, I guess that I’ve been influenced by a great many individual writers, among them the likes of Douglas Adams, Arthur C Clarke and David Gemmell.

 

Have you ever started to write a story and then completely given up on it?

No, I don’t think that I have. I’ve had difficulties with stories in the past and like every author, I grapple with writer’s block on occasion, but no, everything that I’ve started, I’ve finished, even if there have been times when it has been an uphill battle. And do you know what? When those particular stories were completed, I often secretly enjoyed them a little bit more than the ones that were easier to write.

 

You said in a Smashwords interview that you might publish, The Bunker, the short story you wrote for your English exam at school. Any news on that front?

It’s still in the pipeline. To be honest, I’m a little scared about turning the first page after all these years, just in case I don’t like what’s inside. That said, I do think that it would be nice to share it with the world, so that they can see where it all began. And, of course, it might just turn out to be another great read!

 

What would you say has been your proudest moment during your career to date?

I think that it would have to be the moment that I took delivery of the physical copies of Drynwideon, back in 2018. Even though most of what I’ve published to date has been done online, I’m one of those people who still loves a physical book and to have it there in my hand, with the smell of freshly printed paper accosting my nostrils, made it real in a way that was sublimely delightful.

 

Is there anything that you would change about your novels or writing style?

Not really. There are always improvements or changes that could be made and it’s really easy to do with eBooks, but on the whole, I try to avoid altering the content of a book once it’s out there. Instead, I concentrate on making my next book even better than the one before it.

As for my style, well, it’s really just an extension of who I am, so I don’t think that there’s any way that I could really change it significantly, without doing myself a mental injury or two in the process. Of course, as with anything, style does change as you grow and evolve, so I wouldn’t be surprised if my books in the future have a slightly different look and feel about them to those that I’ve written so far.

 

So, what’s next? What can we expect from the stable of Rob Gregory in the next twelve months?

Well, I’m currently working on Turning the Tide, as mentioned above. Then there’s an outrageous Sci-Fi comedy in the pipeline, which I hope will delight and offend readers in equal amounts. And, of course, there are always the short stories that I’m working on, which I plan to either publish in magazines or compile into an anthology. Finally, as I mentioned earlier, the sequel to Drynwideon might just see the light of day before the end of the year. Who knows? You’ll just have to wait and see.

 

Finally, what words of advice do you have for authors who are just starting out on their journey?

Believe in yourself and keep on trying. It’s the only way to succeed. Either that or marry the boss of a major global publishing company. Not really an option in my case, as you can see from my promotional pictures!

 

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If you haven’t grabbed your copy of The Lucius Chronicles yet, you can see what all the fuss is about by clicking on the links below:

Amazon

Smashwords

Barnes & Noble

iBooks

Kobo

 

And, finally… Happy April Fool’s Day, one and all. We haven’t quite reached one million sales yet, but with your help, maybe we will!

The post The Lucius Chronicles Hits One Million Sales appeared first on Rob Gregory | Author.

New Book: Turning the Tide

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Turning the Tide
… Not another new book, surely…

Well, after getting two blogs last week, you’ve certainly had to wait right up until the eleventh hour, for this week’s instalment of ‘A Writer’s Life for Me’. It’s not because I got myself arrested after writing about the awful air pollution that’s been plaguing Chiang Mai recently, but because I’ve been busy, working on my latest book project, a controversial and highly gritty drama, provisionally entitled ‘Turning the Tide’.

Set in the self-proclaimed ‘Cultural Capital’ of Thailand, that’s Chiang Mai to you and me, folks, ‘Turning the Tide’ follows a group of beer-swilling, cigarette smoking, middle-aged expats, who tire of the endless petty corruption and nonsensical policymaking that impacts their daily lives and decide to do something about it, with disastrous results for all concerned.

It’s the first time that I’ve ever tried (or dared, for that matter), to write anything like this and I have to say that I’m enjoying it immensely. All of my previous books have been pure works of fiction, dredged from the bottomless depths of my own twisted imagination, whereas this story is based, to a large extent, on my own experiences as an expat bar owner in the Land of Smiles. And while the characters are most definitely imaginary, despite what anyone might think, the locations aren’t and centre around the little corner of Thailand’s second largest city that I call my own.

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Man-made lake, just outside of Chiang Mai.

I started it a little over three weeks ago, after a couple of extremely interesting and insightful late-night conversations with several of my regular customers and it has to be said that the central theme reflects a change I’ve been seeing, over several months now, in expat attitudes towards Thai policymaking, especially that which impacts on foreign visitors to the country.

One of the biggest talking points in the bar recently, has been the proposal by the Thai Immigration authorities to require people staying in the country on a retirement visa, to show evidence that they have at least 800,000 Baht (approximately 25,000 USD) in their Thai bank accounts, not only for the two months prior to their visas being granted, which was previously the case, but also for three months thereafter, with a minimum balance of 400,000 Baht being maintained throughout the rest of the year.

While there are those who enter the country without sufficient funds to support themselves, who in my humble opinion are foolish in the extreme — Thailand is NOT a cheap place to live anymore — most expats rely on their monthly pension payments to survive and prefer to manage their funds from their home country, where they can earn a better rate of interest than is available in Thailand. And it is hard to see how this change will benefit anyone other than the banks, who will effectively be given a huge amount of free money to bolster their lending operations with.

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Curious cat. And we all know what happened there!

Anyway, back to ‘Turning the Tide’. It’s not going to be a big book. I envisage the whole thing being about sixty thousand words long; seventy thousand at a push, but then it’s not really about the word count, it’s about the story and if I’m able to do it without creating a door-stopper of a volume, then so much the better. So far, I’m just over thirty thousand words in, so with a bit of luck, it won’t be long before I’m writing to tell you that the first draft is finished!

And then there are the characters. Normally, I keep away from swearing in books, as I feel that it tends to undermine the storyline. But then, when you’re writing about people who spend most of their time drinking in seedy Thai bars, it’s a bit unbelievable if they all come across sounding like Bertie Wooster or the people at the start of the Madness song, ‘Return of the Los Palmas 7’. Needless to say, ‘Turning the Tide’ is definitely going to have a ‘parental advisory’ sticker on it, when it eventually does hit the shelves!

Finally, there was the decision, consciously made to set the book right at this particular time of year, which has given me the opportunity to reference not only the blistering heat that assaults us after the cooler ‘winter’ months, but also the poor air quality that we are currently living through and the build-up to Songkran, the Thai New Year, which is where most of the book’s action takes place. All in all, I hope that this will help add credibility to the story and make it all the more enjoyable, by setting the fictional struggle for a new political order, against a backdrop of real issues and events.

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The White Temple, Chiang Rai. Well worth the visit, if you get the chance.

As for publishing, well, therein lies a dilemma. You see, despite being a work of fiction, the book is likely to be seen as highly controversial by the Thai authorities, even though it isn’t really, and may even make it onto the country’s banned books list. So, regardless of whether it is ultimately traditionally published or put up on Amazon as a self-published ebook, I’m starting to think that I’m going to have to leave the country before ‘Turning the Tide’ sees the light of day. Otherwise, I could well be writing to you in the future, on a piece of second-hand toilet roll, from the comfort of a Thai prison cell, along with sixty or so inmates looking over my shoulder. Not a nice thought, I can assure you!

That said, I do want to do this right, so if any of you would like to act as a reviewer and give me honest feedback on the drafts, as and when they become available, then please do drop me a line at info@rob-gregory.com and I’ll see what I can do.

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Musicians celebrating at a religious festival in Northern Thailand.

So, there you have it. I’ve certainly been a busy boy over the last few weeks and there’s a lot more to come… Once ‘Turning the Tide’ is finished, I’m going to be starting work on another comic fantasy offering, followed by my long-awaited Sci-Fi comedy novel. Honestly, I ask you, will this man ever stop writing!

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As always, please do check out my other blogs and books, if you liked this one. And don’t forget to share!

 

Thank You!

The post New Book: Turning the Tide appeared first on Rob Gregory | Author.

Air so thick, you could eat it

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Air so thick, you could eat it!
… Chiang Mai businessman opens world’s first ‘air restaurant’ in famous city of smog…

 

By Makin Melungsurt (Special News Correspondent)

With the eyes, ears and noses of the world focused firmly on the news that the picturesque town of Chiang Mai, in Northern Thailand, officially has the worst air pollution in the world, local businessman, Hee Choo-Air-Alot, has found a silver lining hidden in the clouds of smog pouring into the city.

In what is believed to be a global first, Choo-Air-Alot has opened a restaurant, giving customers access to what he says is: “a soup of delicious, naturally occurring nutrients, not available anywhere else on the planet.”

For only five hundred baht — about fifteen dollars — for five minutes exposure, customers can enjoy access to a range of specially selected, smog laden airs, sourced from various parts of the city, delivered through modified oxygen masks, in the comfort of his air-conditioned restaurant, situated on the edge of Chiang Mai’s sleepy, Loi Kroh road.

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View from Nawarat Bridge, Chiang Mai.

“During the day, we only serve brown air, referring to the grading system used by the globally accepted Air Quality Index system. However, for those who choose to dine with us during the evening hours, we are pleased to be able to offer a wider selection, including purple, red and orange air,” said Choo-Air-Alot, somewhat surprisingly speaking through a full-face respirator, of the type normally worn by soldiers during gas attacks. “We have had some interest from customers wanting to try green air, but frankly, there’s nothing at all in that, so I can’t see it really taking off,” he added, offering our intrepid on-site intern, Carcy Nogen, a free sample of what appeared to be pale, grey air, trapped in a glass jar.

When challenged that the air he was selling was, in fact, loaded with a mixture of highly toxic micro-particles, laced with unhealthy levels of carbon dioxide, Choo-Air-Alot was quick to offer an alternative view.

“This happens every year in Chiang Mai, so I think that you have to look at it as being a natural phenomenon. And we know for a fact, that people love natural products, so how can this possibly be harmful to them? Also, carbon is an essential component of the human body, so having access to it in the form of teeny-tiny particles, surely means that it is quicker and easier for people to digest and that’s got to be a good thing, for today’s sophisticated diner in a hurry.”

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Typical steet scene in Chiang Mai. Believe it or not, there are hills in the distance!

Thailand’s Pollution Control Department, which is charged with controlling pollution, is believed to be blaming the poor air quality in the province, on a massive influx of cigarette and pipe smokers into the region, rather than farmers burning off stubble in preparation for next year’s harvest, or rural fire crews allegedly starting forest fires, in order to justify their continued existence, dismissing the claims as ‘ludicrous and without any basis in fact’.

Not that it matters to Choo-Air-Alot. “As far as I’m concerned, bad air equals good business. And after all, the health of the local economy has to be worth more than the health of its citizens. Here’s to the next two months. Cheers!”

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BREAKING NEWS: Unfortunately, just after this story went to press, Hee Choo-Air-Alot’s pioneering establishment was closed down by Thai Restaurant Inspectors, when they found an unacceptably low number of cockroaches in his kitchen. We’ll keep you updated on developments, as they unfold.

 

PS. If you enjoyed this story, then why not check out more of my blogs here and have a look at my books, now including The Lucius Chronicles and Drynwideon, the world’s first anti-fantasy novel.

The post Air so thick, you could eat it appeared first on Rob Gregory | Author.

Fotherington-Tomas and the Mephostus Meeting

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Fotherington-Tomas and the Mephostus Meeting
… Dark revelations abound at Haggrid’s Club for Gentleman…

Two besuited figures, one substantially larger than the other, sat in high, wing-backed, leather chairs, enjoying their glasses of brandy, as they watched the crackling flames dance in the fireplace before them.

Away to one side, squeezed rather uncomfortably into the far corner of the room, in fact, sat two other suited figures, both similarly mismatched in terms of their relative scale. The larger of the two cast a longing glance towards the two chairs and then turned to frostily regard his colleague over the top of his tumbler.

“Would’ve been nice to have sat by the fire on an evening like this,” he said, his voice rumbling like a troll gargling granite. “But someone had to go and have the last slice of apple pie, didn’t they?” he added somewhat petulantly.

“Sorry, FT,” said Maxwell, mopping up a lone droplet of cream hanging from the tip of his waxed moustache. “But you know how much I adore apple pie and it would have been a crime to have let it go to waste. And we did manage to get seats in the drawing room, unlike those poor chaps over there,” he continued, pointing to a glum group of ex-diners, huddled miserably over the Deluxe Scrabble and Cluedo boards in the Games Room.

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The ‘slum’ end of the informal dining room at Haggrid’s.

“I just fancied warming my bones a bit, that’s all. I’m not getting any younger, you know. And in our line of work, you’ve got to learn to take your leisure whenever you can,” said Fotherington-Tomas, snapping his fingers to summon a passing butler to bring him another brandy.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, FT,” said Maxwell, regarding his long-time friend with concern. “I mean, it’s not like it’s the depths of midwinter and we’ve been here for most of the day, bathed in centrally-heated bliss, so I can’t really see how you’ve got any reason to be chilled, let alone so miserable.”

By here, Maxwell was referring to Haggrid’s, the oldest and most exclusive gentleman’s club in all of London Town. Founded in fourteen-forty-four, by the son of a Spanish whelk-peddler, it was steeped in history and more than a little mystery to boot. Rumour had it that the Lord Chief Mason kept a private room on the top floor of the building, for his mistress and her pet chinchilla, while others said that there was a fully functional, antique S&M dungeon located in the basement. Both were absolutely true, of course, and a lot more besides, but the only thing that really mattered was that the male heirs of the Fotherington-Tomas clan were granted membership in perpetuity, because of a blood-debt owed to them from way back in the early fifteen-hundreds, and that the club was so catastrophically old-fashioned that it insisted on painting its blackballs white.

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The lesser drawing room at Haggrid’s.

“You wouldn’t understand, Maxwell. After all, you were only in your first term at Oxford, when it happened,” said Fotherington-Tomas morosely.

“When what happened, FT?” said Maxwell, his eyebrows lifting in anticipation at the thought of his beloved mentor sharing some rare and long-suppressed angst that was gnawing at his indomitable soul.

“Well, it is forty years to the very day, that I first met Doctor Mephostus, if you must know,” replied Fotherington-Tomas, with an unusually distant look about him.

“I never knew that Doctor Mephostus was at Oxford!” exclaimed Maxwell. “You never mentioned that before.”

“Like I said, you were only in your first year and studying History of Art, if I remember correctly, so there would have been little chance that your paths would have crossed,” said Fotherington-Tomas, taking a large swig of brandy from his glass, as if to gird his loins before beginning his confession.

“Ah, yes. History of Art. The noblest of all the academic pursuits,” said Maxwell fondly. “Two hours of lectures a week and a stipend that you could drown a rugby team on. I must admit that I don’t recall it too clearly these days, although I do believe that my initials are still to be found carved in a lintel above one of the cubbies in The Lamb and Flag.”

“That particular admission wouldn’t surprise me in the least, knowing what a rascally rapscallion you were back in those days,” answered Fotherington-Tomas, with a mixture of admonishment and admiration in his eyes.

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Oxford University, as seen from the rear.

Fotherington-Tomas drained his glass and then indicated to the steward that he should bring him yet another and one more for Maxwell besides.

As the drinks were placed delicately down on the tiny oak table that separated them, Fotherington-Tomas continued:

“Yes, Mephostus was indeed an Oxford boy. An old Mortonian, like myself, in fact. We used to knock around together quite a bit back then. Along with old Aldo Passlington, the Yorkshire Yippmaster, don’t you know? He was studying Philosophy, Politics and Economics at the time. Aldo, that was, not Mephostus. We were quite the inseparable threesome, until Aldo’s tastes turned a bit too militant for my liking and he started drinking in The Three Goat’s Heads.”

“Another nugget of glimmering information that I was hitherto unapprised of,” said Maxwell, settling himself into his seat, as the story began to unfold.

“Indeed, but it is Mephostus that is the subject of my woes this evening,” said Fotherington-Tomas, swirling his brandy slowly around in his glass and watching the legs of alcohol, as they dribbled down the glass towards the dark, amber meniscus below. “At that time, he was a brilliant young chemistry student, indentured at the Dyson Perrins Workhouse for Boys, on South Parks Road. And when I say brilliant, he was far ahead of anyone else in his year, and well beyond most of the seasoned Dons who were tutoring him. At one point, they were actually fighting each other in the street, for the honour of having him do his doctoral thesis under them. How wrong that went in the end, especially when that poor organ grinder and his monkey came around the corner…” his voice dropping into silence, as he lost himself in the depths of his glass.

Maxwell took a sip of his own brandy, enjoying the warm smell of the time-aged liquor, as it hit his nose and wormed its way smoothly down his throat. He remained silent, watching Fotherington-Tomas, until the great man suddenly jerked himself from his personal reminiscence and carried on.

“We were the best of friends, old Mephostus and I, at Oxford. I was just finishing my first degree in Zoology and it was he who convinced me to contemplate the study of chemistry for my D.Phil. Well, not pure chemistry, to be absolutely precise about it. Rather the biology of chemistry… and not biochemistry, before you ask. No, we were going to open up a whole new field of human endeavour, Mephostus and I. We would have been Nobel Laureates, for sure, the pair of us. Were it not for the incident.”

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The Dyson Perrins Workhouse for Boys. Allegedly modelled on a prison in the Alsace.

“Incident?” queried Maxwell, setting his empty glass down on the table as quietly as he could, so as not to disturb Fotherington-Tomas from his memories.

“Yes, the incident. And how very unfortunate it was for the both of us, upon reflection,” said Fotherington-Tomas, with uncharacteristic sadness in his voice. “We both played rugby for the College and bloody good we both were. I was in the front row, while he was one of the most talented scrum-halves that I have ever seen on the field. You should have been there, Maxwell, we were truly something to behold. The way that he could run rings around men thrice the size of him was nothing short of amazing. He could have played for England, had his heart been in it, which for a short while, at least, I believe that it was.”

“Anyway, we were both in our final year when the bi-annual Army versus Oxford rugby match was announced. Naturally, we were both selected for the team and never before, or since, for that matter, have two men trained so hard for an amateur sporting event.”

“So, it was an injury that did him in, was it?” asked Maxwell, daring for just a moment, to interrupt the human mammoth in his captivating monologue.

“No, nothing of the sort!” roared Fotherington-Tomas, causing several of the older members in the establishment to clutch their hands frantically to their chests, for fear of having another heart attack, and so soon after dinner too.

“No, Maxwell. We were both at the peak of physical fitness, when we took to the field that day. It was a glorious June afternoon and a sizeable portion of the University had turned out to watch us play, including, I should point out, most of the chemistry professors from Dyson Perrins. The Army team were predominantly from the Household Cavalry, with a few Royal Marines thrown in to bolster the back row, but what we didn’t know, was that there was a minor Royal, the nephew of one of the Princes or some other, playing on their side. It was a great game, with plenty of playful gouging going on, and a bit of harmless biting in the mauls, of course. Then, just after half-time, Mephostus was sent off for a high tackle on the Royal in question.”

“The rotter!” said Maxwell. “I knew that he was no good, even from the start. What a terrible thing for him to do and to a member of the Royal Family at that!”

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Rugby. A game played by men with odd-shaped balls.

“Far from it,” replied Fotherington-Tomas, darkly. “It was the referee’s fault. It was never a high tackle, not even close to being one, but the foolish fellow couldn’t bear the thought of impugning the good name of the Monarchy, so he castigated Mephostus in the only way that he knew how, with a red card held stiffly aloft, for all to see.”

“Two sides to every story, eh?” said Maxwell, summoning the waiter for another glass of brandy for the pair of them.

“Yes. And we were left without our best scrum-half in the process. We ended up losing the match because of that decision and from that day on, Mephostus swore to bring down the entire Royal Family. If the referee had only made the correct decision, then I wouldn’t be left where I am today, battling a nemesis of considerable guile, who was once my very best friend in the world.

I tried to remonstrate with him in the changing rooms after the match. Mephostus, that was, not the referee, but the damage was done. I don’t mind admitting that he frightened me to the very core, such was the bitterness with which he took the referee’s decision. I have never heard such vehemence from the lips of an Englishman in all my life and that is God’s honest truth. It changed my opinion of him in an instant. You know me, Maxwell, old boy. I stand for Queen and Country, no matter what the cost. And to hear the blasphemous slander that was issuing from his lips on that day, with only an Egyptian cotton towel wrapped around his waist, turned my heart into stone. I remember slamming his bony frame against the wall of the changing room, as I left the building, and never again did I spare even the most-paltry word of acknowledgement for his existence as a man born of English parents.”

“I understand your position completely, FT. But, you did indeed make a mortal enemy of him on that day. And the problem with Doctor Mephostus, as you know only too well, is that you can never predict where he is going to strike next.”

“Indeed, Maxwell. Indeed. He’s proven to be as slippery an eel off the pitch, as he was on it,” said Fotherington-Tomas, draining his glass with a single gargantuan gulp.

“What was that, FT? I didn’t say anything,” replied Maxwell, reaching for his glass.

He was but inches away from the table, when Fotherington-Tomas’ suddenly dashed his glass onto the floor and began scrabbling at his tie.

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I’ve got the poison… I’ve got the remedy! RIP Keith Flint of The Prodigy (1969-2019).

“Poison, Maxwell! Don’t touch it!” he gasped, as his round, moon-like face began to redden, and his eyes bulged alarmingly from their sockets.

“The waiter! It must have been Doctor Mephostus in disguise!” cried Maxwell, scanning the room for any sign of the ancient, grey-haired manservant, who had delivered their drinks.

Fotherington-Tomas started to tremble, as Maxwell watched on, his face as pale as his friend’s was red. With every passing second, the trembling grew more and more fitful, until Fotherington-Tomas was jerking around in his seat, like a condemned man riding the blue-limned lightning of the electric chair.

Then, as suddenly as it had begun, the shaking stopped, and Fotherington-Tomas sat bolt upright in his chair, his eyes staring fixedly ahead, as his breathing slowed almost to a stop. Maxwell watched on in horror, as beads of perspiration broke out on Fotherington-Tomas’ forehead and began running down his face. Very soon, a small pool of sweat appeared beneath the vast man and Maxwell became aware of an extremely unpleasant odour hanging in the air between them.

Casting his eyes around the room, to see if any of the more antiquated members had passed wind and not admitted it, he noticed that the hubbub, which had accompanied his mentor’s initial shocked outburst had died away, to be replaced by an almost reverential silence, as every pair of eyes in the room was fixed on the pair of them.

After what seemed like an age, Fotherington-Tomas’ glassy-eyed stare faded, and his breathing returned to something approaching normality. Rolling his shoulders in displeasure at finding his clothes soaked through with sweat, he shook himself and rose from his chair.

“Are you alright, FT?” asked Maxwell, his voice sounding like a bomb going off in the wood-damped silence of the oak-panelled drawing room.

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Morton College, Oxford. Home to both Fotherington-Tomas and Doctor Mephostus.

“Had a close call there, Maxwell,” said Fotherington-Tomas, trying unsuccessfully, to mop his face dry with his sodden handkerchief. “But thankfully, I was able to force the poison out through my pores, before it could attack my nervous system.”

“Another victory for the training of Abbot Victor Falangies, eh?” said Maxwell, handing his own, unspoiled handkerchief, to the dripping form before him.

Before Fotherington-Tomas could reply, the room erupted into a cacophony of cheering and rampant applause, as the assembled members of Haggrid’s rose to their feet, to give their most celebrated brother a standing ovation, in honour of the magnificent show of mind over matter that they had just witnessed.

“Enough. Enough!” boomed Fotherington-Tomas, waving a shovel-sized hand in the air to silence the crowd. “Thank you, my dear fellows. Thank you. But it was really nothing, nothing at all. Now, if you will excuse me, Maxwell and I have a villain to apprehend.”

At that moment, there was a polite tug on his arm and Fotherington-Tomas span around to find himself face to face with a butler bearing a small silver tray. For a second, Maxwell thought that his mighty friend was going to strike the man, but he regained his immaculate composure, when the terrified fellow managed to stammer out: “Telegram for you, Mister Fotherington-Tomas, Sir.”

“Thank you,” said Fotherington-Tomas in a perfunctory tone, as he lifted the small, yellow envelope from the tray and opened it.

Once again, the drawing room of Haggrid’s fell silent, as Fotherington-Tomas’ eyes scanned the narrow type printed on the telegram. Then, placing the missive back down on the silver tray, he turned to Maxwell and said: “My friend. I am afraid that capturing Doctor Mephostus will have to wait for another day. It would appear that we have been summoned by Her Majesty to make all haste to Paris and from there, to Mont Blanc.”

“Mont Blanc. Whatever for, FT?” asked Maxwell, still glancing around the room for any possible sign of Doctor Mephostus in amongst the servants.

“She didn’t say. But for us, my dear fellow, all haste can mean only one thing. And that’s a trip on the Eurostar, followed by the Orient Express!”

 

THE END

*****

Will Fotherington-Tomas get to the Orient Express on time, especially seeing as Network Rail has reported leaves on the line? What hideous peril awaits the brave duo at Mont Blanc? And what of the evil Doctor Mephostus? Will he ever be apprehended, and the safety of The Realm assured? Stay tuned for the next exciting instalment of, The Adventures of Fotherington-Tomas… whenever that might be!

The post Fotherington-Tomas and the Mephostus Meeting appeared first on Rob Gregory | Author.

The Lucius Chronicles – Released Today

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The Lucius Chronicles – Released Today!
All three titles in the DATS Trilogy, available in one place, at last!





Howdy folks!

Today, March 8 2019, saw The Lucius Chronicles released on Amazon, Smashwords and all other good ebook retailers, including Barnes & Noble and Apple iBooks.

Comprising the three books that make up the DATS Trilogy; Death and the Schoolboy, Death and the Atomb Bomb, and, Death and the End, The Lucius Chronicles was first mentioned almost seven months ago, when James Stevens, author of Fern Majestic and the Fall of a Dragon, completed the first draft of the cover art for book, which was what we ultimately ended up going with.

Since then, it has been blessed with the addition of cartoons by New Zealand cartoonist extraordinaire, Eugene Georgiades, plus undergone a minor text revision, in order to improve clarity and consistency between the books, all of which were written at different times in my life. As I mentioned in a previous blog, this is most definitely the premium version of the DATS Trilogy, so if you haven’t yet had the opportunity to dive into the wondrously charming and exciting world of Johnny, Eddie and the Deaths of Deathville, then now’s your chance and for only $6.99 USD too!

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THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

 

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What the FCK are we doing?

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What the FCK are we doing?
“There is an alternative to the ‘more for less’ philosophy of fast food and low-cost meat.”

The other day, I read an article about fast-food chains competing with each other in the ‘value food’ sector and it got me thinking. Over the last seventy years, ever since the end of the Second World War, in fact, we have been pushing agriculture to become more and more efficient, lowering the cost of production and making food — and meat in particular — cheaper to produce than ever before.

For example, in the West, if you went back to the 1950s or 60s, then chicken would have been a luxury meat, only eaten on special occasions. Now it is the cheapest and most plentiful meat on the planet with some 66.5 billion chickens raised and slaughtered each year, according to FAO statistics. And that’s only the meat birds. There are another 22.8 billion laying hens on the planet too!

Hooray, we all say! Cheap meat and lots of it. What a wonderful world we live in. Well, maybe not…

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In seventy years, we’ve gone from this…

Consider any major fast-food chain or supermarket supplier for that matter. They are huge and wield enormous power when it comes to their suppliers. They buy big and at the lowest price possible so that they can minimise their bottom line and maximise their profits. All fine there, you say. No problem with that. After all, that’s just sound economics in action? Yes, it is, but it’s not the whole story.

You see, the fast food chains know that you, the consumer, are cost conscious and, as a result of years of subtle conditioning on their part regarding ‘value for money’ and low cost ‘supersizing’ options, they know that you won’t pay a cent more than you have to. This means that if they want to increase their profit margins, not only do they have to come up with more and more ingenious menu offerings, they also have to squeeze their suppliers, the farmers.

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… to this. A modern day, multi-tiered battery cage.

Then there’s the supply issue. Last year, fast-food giant, KFC (nee Kentucky Fried Chicken – I heard they changed the name because of negative connotations around the word ‘fried’) ran out of chicken due to delivery problems, resulting in outrage among its UK customers. While this was actually a logistics problem, the fact is that fast food chains don’t like to run out of product, ever. So, while they manage their massive supply contracts to a ridiculously fine degree, there is still a question of wastage, which I don’t think anyone outside of the industry has ever been able to adequately quantify. Needless to say, it is likely to be significant. Start including wastage during the manufacturing process and raw product being rejected (that’s animals to you and me) because it doesn’t meet specification and you’re talking about something potentially pretty scary.

So, back to the producer. There they are, being offered the lowest prices for their product and being told to produce more and more every year, to keep up with consumer demand and to ensure that supplies don’t run out — can’t have another KFC debacle, can we? It’s no wonder then that they turn to intensive farming, cramming more animals into less space, using antibiotics to try and control the risk of disease and generally making both themselves and the animals unhappy, especially because they’re not being paid enough to cover the cost of the bank loans needed to install the equipment in the first place!

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And this is the Chinese version. Absolutely no expense invested, let alone spared!

And then they get hit by the environmental lobby! It’s the farmers’ fault that the world is heating up and that we’re all going to hell in a handbasket. Of course it is! After all, they’re the ones producing too many animals. Simple, well that’s all that sorted out. Thanks, now I can rest easy.

No, it’s not farmers’ fault — although I know more than a few who need a kick up the backside when it comes to animal welfare and environmental concerns — it’s our fault! Consumers like you and me, who are so inflexible that we won’t stop consuming at our current rate and sure as hell won’t pay any more than we already do for our yummy fast food delicacies.

What’s the solution then? Go vegetarian? Go the whole hog (excuse the pun) and become a vegan? No, I don’t think so. Not for me, at least. But there is another way, which others have already suggested, that could help us out of the current mess we’re in. But it does require us to change our habits, something that’s harder to achieve in practice than in theory.

If we were prepared to pay just a little more for our food and reduce the amount of animal products that we consumed, again, just by a little, then we could start to reduce the pressure on producers and by implication, both the environment and animals being farmed, while still allowing everyone in the chain to make a living. It would require the fast food giants and supermarkets to commit to passing on the profits, which I have to say is highly unlikely, but if it happened then we might just be able to start turning things around.

But what about the poor, I hear you say? They need to eat, and so fast food outlets serve an important social function by giving them access to cheap food. I disagree. Those on a restricted income absolutely need access to low-cost food. Absolutely! But this does not have to come in the form of pre-prepared pizza’s, burgers, fried chicken and all the rest of it. I have lost track of the number of television programmes that show how someone on a budget can feed a family of four with change to spare, simply by trading convenience for some good old-fashioned home cooking with basic, wholesome ingredients.

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It doesn’t take much to create a good meal.

Now before you challenge me with the notion that people today have neither the time nor the skills to prepare their own meals, I would counter by saying that this is why sustainable food policies must emphasise the importance of basic skills, i.e. cooking, if they are going to succeed over the long-term. And if that means bringing back ‘Home Economics’, which I hated at school, then so be it. At least it means that people will know how to boil an egg and knock up a half decent jacket potato!

So, what about it? Can you really save the world one chicken wing at a time by trading convenience for tradition and paying a bit more for your fast food? I don’t know for certain, but surely, it’s worth giving it a go, especially when the alternative is poorer farmers, animals and the environment, and even richer fast-food giants?

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It looks fantastic, but what is the real price of modern fast food?

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Please feel free to share this blog more widely and do check out my other blogs and books, including Drynwideon – The world’s first anti-fantasy novel and my new book, The Lucius Chronicles.

The post What the FCK are we doing? appeared first on Rob Gregory | Author.

Praise for The Lucius Chronicles

No reviews currently available.

Be the first person in the world to review this book! Available on Amazon, Smashwords and all leading ebook retailers.

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Praise for Lucius Chronicles

No reviews currently available.

Be the first person in the world to review this book! Available on Amazon, Smashwords and all leading ebook retailers.

The post Praise for Lucius Chronicles appeared first on Rob Gregory | Author.

The DATS Trilogy – New Covers Unveiled!

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The DATS Trilogy – New Covers Unveiled!
… Just in time for the release of The Lucius Chronicles…

To coincide with the release of The Lucius Chronicles, on 8 March, which is a compilation of the DATS Trilogy that I published during 2017 and 2018, I’ve given each of the individual books that comprise it a makeover, in the form of a new cover.

It wasn’t an easy decision, as I’d grown rather fond of my own crude illustrations over the years, even going so far as to describe them in a Smashwords interview, as having “a certain quirky charm that quite possibly reflects the content better than a professional cover could.” But, on reflection, they just weren’t cutting the mustard, so had to go.

If the books in the DATS Trilogy had been selling like hotcakes then I wouldn’t have bothered changing anything, but the sad truth is that even after almost two years on Amazon and a host of other ebook platforms, I’d hardly shifted more than a dozen or so copies of Death and the Schoolboy, the first instalment of the DATS Trilogy.

To quote Mark Coker, the founder of Smashwords, I had an ‘invisible book’ on my hands. In other words, one which no one, other than the few people who had bought it, knew about and one which was destined to remain that way unless drastic action was taken (or The Hand of God stepped in to intervene, of course). Oh, and it was worse than that because I actually had three invisible books on my hands!

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Out with the old…

 

Looking around at other book covers on the web, I finally realised that despite their wonderful quirky charm, my covers were well, amateurish, to say the least, a problem which was compounded when they were viewed in thumbnail size.

So, I turned to the illustrations done for The Lucius Chronicles by New Zealand cartoonist extraordinaire, Eugene Georgiades, and selected one stand-out picture for each of the three books in the DATS Trilogy, keeping the same overall styling of black and gold, but tweaking it to make it stand out better, especially when viewed as a thumbnail.

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… And in with the new!

 

I hope that you’ll agree with me, that the new covers are far more impactful than the originals, even though it pains me to say so.

But that’s not all…

Having changed the covers, I followed the advice given in Mark Coker’s book, The Secrets to Ebook Publishing Success, and amended the description for Death and the Schoolboy, to make it more punchy than it was before, checked the category listings for the entire trilogy, to ensure that the books were in the most appropriate place on the site and then made Death and the Schoolboy available for FREE on Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, iBooks and Kobo — it’s priced at $0.99 on Amazon, because it doesn’t list free books, yet.

So now, potential readers can check out the first part of the DATS Trilogy, entirely risk free and without having to spend anything at all, in order to enjoy it!

It took a fair old while to upload all of the new book covers and descriptions to the many different places that the DATS Trilogy is mentioned on the web, and some of the changes are probably still filtering through even now, but I’m hopeful that it is a change for the better and will be worth it in the long run. If not, then I’ll have to consider bringing in outside help in the form of a professional cover designer and copywriter, to revise the whole look and feel of the DATS Trilogy.

But then, that’s the beauty of ebook publishing. You can make as many changes as you want, when you want, until you finally hit the sweet spot and your wonderful book takes off… and I am absolutely convinced that the DATS Trilogy is a wonderful series of books, which deserves to be enjoyed, either individually or all together in The Lucius Chronicles, by a multitude of people, both young and old.

Of course, dear reader, word of mouth is still the strongest marketing tool in the world, so now that you know about the new covers for the DATS Trilogy, please do go out and spread the word!

****

On a serious note, I would be extremely interested to hear what you think about the new covers (and the old ones, for that matter), so if you would like to comment, then please either do so below or drop me a line at info@rob-gregory.com

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The Lucius Chronicles… IT’S ALIVE!

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The Lucius Chronicles… IT’S ALIVE!
… The complete DATS Trilogy in one volume is now available for pre-order…

IT LIVES!

Finally, many moons after I first alerted you to its existence, The Lucius Chronicles is alive!!!

Igor, fetch me a clean shirt! This one is sodden with too much excitement!

“Yeth, marthter.” (Igor shuffles off stage left, accompanied by flashes of lightning and an ominous rumbling sound.)

Don’t worry about Igor, by the way. That’s only his stomach. It’s been a while since he last ate anything. Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I had a meal, either… I’ve been so busy of late. Now, where was I?

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Final front cover for The Lucius Chronicles.

Oh, yes, that’s right. The Lucius Chronicles. The illegitimate love child of the DATS Trilogy and the creative genius that is James Stevens and Eugene Georgiades, has finally been compiled, edited, proofread, edited again, cast out, taken back, amended and cast out yet again into the electronic wasteland that is known as Amazon, to find fame and fortune among its ebook brethren.

Just think, all three books in the glorious DATS Trilogy, bound together in one place for the first time ever. And with lots of lovely illustrations, like the one below, gracing its glossy, virtual pages.

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Early character sketches for The Lucius Chronicles.

That’s why I’m so excited. It’s like having your own little Roald Dahl book running around your feet, nibbling at your toes, before running off into the garden to play with the grandkids.

If you haven’t read it already, then I’m sure that you are going to love it. And, if you have, well this one’s the premium version, brought to your Kindle, or other proprietary ebook reader, using only the finest electrons, sourced exclusively from a cyclotron buried deep within the Swiss Alps, so why wouldn’t you want to grace your internal storage drive with another copy of it?

Set on Earth and in the mysterious land known only as Deathville, The Lucius Chronicles tells the story of Johnny Jenkinson and his best friend, Eddie, the Death of Children, as they battle Uncle Lucius, the eponymous villain of the book, who is hell-bent on destroying everything, including the entire universe, because he didn’t get enough love when he was a child. No, that’s not the reason… far from it. You’ll have to read the book if you want to find out, won’t you?

Oh, all right. I will give you something to go on…. It’s got mallets in it. Is that enough? No? Okay, well there’s a ghost train, unlike anything you’ve seen before. Oh, and the train station where the recently deceased go to, does something a bit unusual. Did I mention bogeymen? They’re in there too, but they don’t have a very big part. Well, I think that’s enough in the way of teasers for the time being and like I said, buy the book if you want to find out more!

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Early sketch of Mr Death, Eddie’s father.

As for price and availability, The Lucius Chronicles is available on Amazon and Smashwords as a pre-order. This means that until March 8, you’ll be able to buy it for an almost 20% saving off the normal price. Surely that alone is incentive enough for what promises to be one of the best things that you’ll read all year long.

And before you ask, no, it isn’t available from Trotter’s Independent Traders!

So, that’s The Lucius Chronicles, out as an ebook on March 8, but available beforehand for only $5.99 USD. A bargain, I’m sure you’ll agree!

“Marthter, I’m back!”

Oh, Igor! You know that Vermillion makes me look chubby. Still, it will have to do, I guess. And, at least it won’t show the blood!

Oh… Are you still here? I thought you’d gone. Blood? Did I say blood out loud? No. Nothing for you to worry about. Just my idea of a little joke. Now, be off with you and go buy my book. Yes, just a joke, that’s all. A ha ha ha ha ha ha! (maniacal laugh fades into the distance, as the doors close behind the author).

****

Please do check out The Lucius Chronicles at one of the links below and spread the word. And remember, for every copy that is sold, I will do a little dance, make a little love and get down tonight (but, rest assured, I won’t put it on YouTube)!

AMAZON – The Lucius Chronicles

SMASHWORDS – The Lucius Chronicles

THANK YOU!

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