Ruthi Postow Birch's Blog, page 2
April 1, 2024
QUOTES FROM DOG LOVERS — WHY WE LOVE DOGS
Quotes from dog lovers — if you want your ear talked off, just ask a dog lover why we love dogs. We’re happy to speak. We’ll also sit, shake hands, and sometimes roll over. We’re just plain goofy about dogs and we don’t care if we look silly. Our dogs changed our lives — changed us — made us better. And even if we’re not better — even when we’re grumpy, when we’re frumpy, when we’re having a really bad hair day, our dog looks at us with adoring eyes that say we’re smarter, wittier, and more attractive than anyone else on earth. Read the quotes from dog lovers who speak!
Quotes from dog lovers — Why we love dogs“The gift which I am sending you is called a dog, and is, in fact, the most precious and valuable possession of mankind.” Theodorus, 15TH century Greek humanist
“A dog is the only thing on earth that will love you more than he loves himself” Josh Billings“When the dog looks at you, the dog is not thinking what kind of a person you are. The dog is not judging you.” Eckhart Tolle“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man” Mark Twain 
“I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me, they are the role model for being alive.” Gilda Radner“Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love. Erica Jong
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” Franklin P. Jones“I named my dog ‘Stay,’ so I can say ‘Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay'” Steven Wright
— but can you take your dog’s word for how wonderful you really are? Maybe —
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” Ann LandersQuotes from dog lovers testify to why we love our dogs. It’s why we speak, sit, shake hands, and sometimes roll over for them — why we’re just plain goofy about them and we don’t care if we look silly. Dogs changed our lives — changed us — made us better. And even if we’re not better, they love us anyway.
Ruthi Birch April 2024
If you’re a dog lover too, you can read more about whta our dogs do for us. https://lifefunscripted.com/can-a-dog-be-the-cure-for-what-ails-you/
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March 4, 2024
Life in the Funny Paper
Wouldn’t it be fun to live life in the funny Paper? To be free to be our feistiest selves and be funny saying the things we think? We could even rant about the news without getting boring. And when we came face to face with annoying people, it would be terrific to get the joke on them. That’s the fun of drawing cartoons — that and to let loose my inner snark. 
Have you ever wished you could get even with those super annoying people — the ones who blast their car horns, or don’t take their turns at four-way stops, or people in restaurants whose inside voices could break glass? It’s frustrating that we can’t do anything. But if we lived in the funny paper, we’d get even every time.
Relationships in the Funny Paper
Let’s face it. Even our friends get on our nerves sometimes. When it happens in the comic relationships, our cartoon selves don’t hold back but say what we think.
Who is it in your crowd who drives you crazy — the know-it-all, the whiner (Oh, poor me), the complainer (nothing is ever good enough), or the pessimist (It will never work)? You can’t say what you’d like because this is a friend, and you want friends.
The Old Boar in the Funny PaperOne of the most annoying friends is the conversation hog — or as he is known in my cartoons, the old boar. His problem is he thinks he’s google, and that we need his answers. This expert on everything is way too happy to share it all. 
Whenever somebody else starts a story, he cuts in, “That reminds me of a great story.” And it’s always a long story — about him. He goes on till you have the urge to scream, “Stop! You’re boring.” But don’t — unless you want to be a hermit. Just smile through. That’s why life is better in the funny paper.
But … on the other hand, have you ever recognized yourself in a snarky cartoon? No? Maybe you’re not looking hard enough. Take another look at our friend, the boar. Who is she now?
Who can be more exasperating than the spouse we love? What does your spouse do that’s maddening? Never listen? Unload on you? Leave the toilet seat up — or down? Snore? Snoring is a big one — 
especially the snoring that sets off seismometers throughout the county. Imagine the things you’d like to do.
But can you do them in real life? No, so you whine, fight, buy useless snore prevention devices, or move to another room. But in the funny paper, you can go for it.
Romantic surprises are wonderful — unless you end up stuck in an embarrassing (maybe dangerous) situation. Maybe your love didn’t do enough research before she planned an amorous evening in what turned out to be a biker bar. It can turn out funny — in the funny paper.
Is the love of your life brilliant in other ways, but the gullible prey for a sales pitch? So, you come home and find your husband all excited to surprise you — he has taken care of the problem of squirrels nesting in the chimney. Here’s the signed a contract for a solid gold squirrel cap. “The roofer said it’s guaranteed to keep the them out for years. It will pay for itself in the long run.”
Your Inner Snark Loose in the Funny PaperAre you a secret snark? Do you have to put a gag on the mean comments that might pop out of your mouth — even when they’re really funny and you think they’re deserved. Well, go to the funny paper and come out of the closet. Let your inner snark loose on the infuriating drama queen or king for whom the sky is always falling and every sniffle is cancer.
A Snark with the Cosmetic Surgery CrowdDon’t you love running across the cosmetic surgery crowd — the ones who went way beyond Botox and a touch-up? We enjoy putting on our judge robes because, of course, we would never let a surgeon carve up our faces like that. “I’m happy with the face God gave me.” (Superiority feels so good.) 
We can’t say aloud our witty bon mot, so we whisper behind our hands to another snark, “She looks like she had her face shrink-wrapped. Do you think she had it done on purpose or does the surgeon hate her?”
So many excellent snarks wasted because we’re in real life. In the comics, we’d say right out loud, “Honey, you should never go to a plastic surgeon with a sense of humor.”
Loving Life in the Funny PagesIt’s been fun living life in the funny pages — being our feistiest selves and saying the things we think but know we can’t get away with in real life. We can even rant about the news without getting boring. And we always get the last word with annoying people. My inner snark has enjoyed the ride and will have more to say on this in coming months.
Have you been in situations when you had to bite your tongue rather than say what you were thinking?What would the cartoon you say?if you like the animal cartoons, go here for more – What Animals Think https://lifefunscripted.com/imagine-what-animals-think/
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February 5, 2024
PEOPLE WATCHING — BETTER THAN THE FUNNY PAPER
Do you get a kick out of people watching? It’s more fun than the funny paper and you can do it anywhere. On a city street or a park or in a coffee shop you can catch people doing weird stuff. Check out my cartoon animals playing out people roles.
MIRROR, MIRROR — DON’T WE JUST LOVE A MIRROR?
Have you ever caught someone — or yourself — delighting in your own reflection in a store window. You’re thinking, Oooh, I look good! You smile at yourself, and pose, and nearly prance along to catch the next window. It feels great — until you realize you’re being people-watched…. And they’re laughing.
What do you look like when you’re with your dog? What silly and totally watchable things do you do? Do you baby talk? Sing? Argue? Cajole? Or do you ask it questions and imagine it’s answering you?
Don’t you ever wonder, when you do all that gushy baby-talk stuff, if your dog is people-watching you and laughing?
AND THE DOG ANSWERED…?One morning, I stood on Prince Street for five minutes and watched a woman soliciting her dog’s opinion and acting as though he was answering.
“Which way should we go today, Felix? Toward the river? Do you want to go walk on the river and see the ducks? Or we could go to the park? Maybe you can make a new friend. No? That’s not where you want to go? Oh, I understand. You want to go by the river and then go to the coffee shop where they give you treats.”
Can dogs roll their eyes?
A coffee shop is a good place for people watching. There’s something about it that makes people think they’re at home — alone. One morning I was at coffee with a new friend. A group of people at the front table were in an animated conversation, talking over each other, and gettin louder and louder.
Later I thought of what I should have said. “If those are their inside voices, somebody should get them bark collars.”
A CHIHUAHUA AND A MAN CAME INTO A COFFEE SHOPAnother morning I was having my tea when a man came in carrying an adorable chihuahua . You couldn’t miss them. The man was formidable — looking a lot like Edris Elba and the chihuahua weighed maybe five pounds. That incongruent sight alone was cute enough to qualify for quality people-watching. But it wasn’t the funny part.
The man got his coffee, sat on a couch, and placed the dog beside him. He opened his laptop, ready to go to work. But the dog wasn’t. First it climbed up the man’s body to perch on his shoulder and look out the window. Then it climbed down and walked across the laptop to finally settle in the man’s arms.
What did the man do? He waited.
WOULD YOU TAKE THAT FROM A HUMAN?Have you noticed that people apply different standards to their dogs than to other people? Would you put up with a human who made a show of contempt for you? Or threw a fit and tore up your things whenever you wanted to go out alone? 
Or butted your arm when you’re trying to work? Or hogged the couch? Or bit you?
This is Georgie and she does all those things. Watch her, but from a distance — because one can’t be sure what might annoy her — and you never want to annoy Georgie.
The dog is the master of the house
GEORGIE BITES — BUT ISN’T SHE ADORABLE?“Look at this,” said Georgie’s Daddy, holding out a wounded hand. “I don’t know what I did but she came at me again — another scar. Oh, but have I shown you the pictures of her in her new magenta sweater and matching bows? No? Here, I’ll load them on your phone.” 
I now have more pictures of Georgie than I have of my children and my dog put together.
MORE PEOPLE WATCHING — THINGS I WISH I’D SAIDHave you ever thought of a really good comment — too late? That’s me. A great one-liner always come to me when it’s too late to use it. I have a people-watching friend who’s funny and judgmental and British — and always right on spot. When we go out for a walk, Jill rarely goes a block without seeing someone who earns one of her snarky barbs.
WE’RE NOT JUDGING — BUT…When a middle-aged man walked by with his stomach dancing a jig beneath his crop top, Jill didn’t miss a beat. “That’s a crop that needs to be planted on a different farm.”
Sometimes Jill’s barbs hit close to home. A smiling mini-skirted middle-aged woman with lace leggings strutted past.
I was thinking how nice it must be to have that woman’s self-image if only for one day. But Jill wasn’t about that. She stared at the woman’s backside as she walked away and said, “There goes mutton dressed as lamb.”
ARE PEOPLE PEOPLE-WATCHING ME?I laughed. But it made me stop and take a mental inventory of my closet — my favorite worn and torn jeans, painter pants, scoop-neck orange sweater, flowing beach dress, and my husband’s old shirts. And what about my cute sundresses? What would Jill say about them? That they should go to Goodwill? Probably, but I like them.
With, “Mutton dressed as lamb,” booming in my ears, I decided to move back to watching other people.
PEOPLE-WATCHING AT A LECTUREA lecture hall is another place to watch — and learn about — people. Look at the woman with her coat and bags on the two chairs next to her. You think she’s holding seats for friends because the hall is filling up fast? Maybe. But the lecture starts, and from where you are, standing in the back, you can see that the coats and bags still warm the chairs for no one.
Okay, I’m judging.
WHO HAS A QUESTION?When the lecture ends, the moderator announces, “Now we’ll open it up to questions.” Up fly the hands of the audience but they don’t want to ask questions — they are self-proclaimed authorities who want the floor so they can correct or fill in the gaps left by the lecturer. “I’ve read that blah blah blah blah …. and it’s been shown that blah blah blah blah.”
I wish I’d said, “Would anybody like the definition of the word question?”
PEOPLE WATCHING — YOU NEVER KNOW WHT THEY’LL DOIf you get a kick out of people watching, head on outside. People are doing weird or funny things everywhere — on a city street or in a park or a coffee shop. It is like real life funny pages and you can make up your own cartoons — and your own quips.
Try this one. What would you say about the thirty-something woman staring into space and blowing bigger and bigger bubbles while waiting for a table at a café.
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January 9, 2024
Funny Memories — Funny Mistakes from 2023
When you think back on 2023, do funny memories pop up in bright Crayola colors to make you smile — or even laugh out loud? What was so funny — friends, kids, animals, strangers? When I look back, it’s me. I’m at the center of a lot of those funny moments — blundering through, making mistakes that maybe didn’t feel so funny in the moment, but left laughable memories. And laughing is good.
Bloopers make funny memories.We all have our own curious traits that lead us to blunder. And at least in retrospect, blunders are funny — or why do we watch bloopers on YouTube? Those of us with Attention Deficit Disorder have treasure troves of traits that can be counted on for funny moments. Because, for example, details are not our friends.
Funny moments?? What’s in a name?
Names are details that people tend to be sensitive about — especially when we forget them. But worse, and more embarrassing, than forgetting is the great cover-up. This summer I was at an event and ran into a woman I’d met many times before. But what was her name? I couldn’t ask because I’d already done that the last three times I’d seen her. So, I fell back to plan B.
“Hi. It’s great to see you. Tell me how you pronounce your name again.”
“Ann.”
“Ha, Ha. I meant your last name.”
“Brady.” I wonder if the incident has become a funny memory for her yet.
Funny Memories of Email — Surfing Over DetailsNames aren’t the only details that float away — times and dates go right into the ozone. You’d think email would solve the problem of communicating important details. But no, because some of us go email surfing. No matter how much we care about reading what you wrote, we can’t help ourselves. We surf through your email riding the waves.
Bulleting? It doesn’t matter because we know that everything important must be in the random lines we actually read. Outline? It’s a dartboard. We toss a dart and take just the information it hits.
“I did read the email. I wrote it down….”This summer, I made a date to join a new group of friends for dinner. I cared. I wasn’t going to mess up this time! When the confirmation email came, I went right that minute and wrote the day, time, and restaurant on my calendar — Wednesday, 6 PM, LaPorta’s. Easy to remember — only a ten-minute walk from my house.
Do your funny mistakes leave them laughing — forever?On Wednesday, I left twenty minutes early. Not only was I on time, I was proud to see I was the first one there. The host couldn’t find our reservation under the name I provided. But it was the detail I’d probably missed. So, I sat, and I waited. At six, the manager said, “Are you sure you have the right restaurant?”
Of course, I was sure. I pulled out my phone, held it up, and showed him where the email said LaPorta’s.
“This isn’t LaPorta’s.” I looked at the menu I’d been holding. Sure enough, right on top it said Il Porto.
An eight-minute run to my car and a seven-minute drive later, I walked into LaPorta’s at nearly twenty after six. Mistakes can tell you a lot about people. If they laugh, they’re friends.
More Funny Memories — the idea that couldn’t miss…Have you ever had an idea that seemed seriously good at first but tumbled into comic relief? I had an idea that couldn’t miss. I was going to have a new career as an artist — a cartoon artist. And I was going to make lots of money — I’m very good at drawing funny animals — everybody says so. 2023 was going to be my year!
Funny Moment — Setting off with the cart before the horse ….With an investment in shiny new pencils, paper, paint, and canvasses, I went to work. I drew feisty cats, beguiling dogs, colorful birds, adorable horses, frolicking frogs, and irresistibly grumpy geese.
I amassed hundreds of framed pieces and had them packaged and ready to sell. But I still had no plan for selling them. That would come next.
Did you know it’s hard to sell art? That’s what they told me, but I thought, not my art. I just have to put it out there. I started an online store. I knew people would flock to buy tees, bags, books, and cards bearing images of my irresistible animals. Right away I sold five cards and two journals sold — to my friends. Then nothing.
Like frogs to a horse show …An art show was going to be the key to my success, but it turned into another funny memory. I signed up for an event and threw myself into making more drawings. I had to have enough for all the buyers.
As luck usually has it, the day of the show, it rained — not just rained, it poured. But I set up my booth to show off my art.
Picture me — full of positivity, standing in a leaky tent in the rain and surrounded by my drawings and paintings — parrots, cats, even a colorful cow. 
But most of all, I had frogs and grumpy geese. 
This may be hard to believe, but none of them sold — not a goose, not a frog, not a cow. So when does the funny moment come?
Did I mention that the event was at Freedom Hill Horse Rescue? I took frogs to a horse venue! That’s hard to beat when it comes to building funny memories.
By December, I was sitting at a net loss of $276.83 (that’s if I only count money spent, not my hours) and cartoons crowded every nook and cranny of my house. I had to move the merchandise — I needed the closet space.
What’s the funny part? “Merry Christmas to my friends and family! Hope you like the cartoon cat tote and the frog mug!”
At least I think it’s funny.
Is your AI laughing at you?
Our phones and AIs can amuse us, tell us jokes, make us laugh. But is your AI listening and laughing at you?
I learned that my Alexa listens — and judges — when she weighed in on a private argument I had with my husband — our great temperature battle. My husband liked it warm. I liked it cool. And we had different definitions of what those words meant. That led to conversations — or Ruthi whining.
One afternoon, I came home to find Ron, warm and cozy, watching a baseball game. I sighed dramatically, plopped my iPhone on the table, and flopped to the couch as if about to faint. “It’s an oven in here.” (Probably 72° — hyperbole is me.)
I whined. “I can’t live like this. It’s not fair.” And on and on. When I finally took a breath, Siri said, “I’m sorry.” I’m sure she still laughs about that when I think she’s turned off.
We don’t need YouTube to find bloopers.We have our own funny mistakes and funny memories. Think back on your 2023. What funny memories make you laugh out loud? And in what funny moments were you the star of the show, blundering through, making mistakes all by yourself? If they didn’t feel so funny in the moment, they left laughable memories. And laughing is good.
Read about some funny moments with weird strangers. Go to https://lifefunscripted.com/weird-encounters-strangers-with-unsolicited-advice/
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December 4, 2023
Christmas Memories — Shopping at the 5&10
Christmas memories — shopping at the 5&10. Do you remember the first time you went shopping for Christmas gifts on your own? Where were you? At the mall? A big box store? When I was a kid, the place to go was Kress’s 5&10. They had everything you could want — a tie tack in the shape of a moose, a tobacco pipe shaped like a lion’s head, rhinestone beads, Midnight in Paris perfume. If you were looking to buy the awesome-est gifts ever, you were sure to find them there.
Childhood Memories of Shopping On My OwnI was eight the first time Mama let me take the two-mile bus ride to downtown Prichard all by myself — times were different then. We had more freedom — the freedom of safety. On the ride, I kept jumping up and down on my seat, too excited to sit still.
Prichard, Alabama was a one-street town. It started at the First Methodist Church where there was a manger scene — with real sheep. And it ended at the Western Auto store. When you got there, you made the built-in U-turn and went back. But for me, that street didn’t seem all that short. It was packed with all the thrills of Christmas from the fountain with red and green water at the library to the reindeer pulling a sleigh with Santa Claus waving from the top of the Western Auto building.
My destination was in the middle — where there were the bakery and Kress’s five and ten cent store.
Do certain scents bring back Christmas memories and put you in the Christmas spirit? Balsom? Eggnog rich with nutmeg? Chestnuts roasting? Pumpkin pie? For me it’s gingerbread.
When the bus stopped in front of Kress’s, I jumped off and into the warm spicy smell. It was coming from the bakery where ten-inch-tall gingerbread men with raisin eyes were baking in the oven. Nothing since has ever smelled so much like Christmas. But gingerbread men would wait till later because I had important shopping to do.
Christmas Shopping — When seven dollars was a fortuneI had an enormous amount of money to spend — seven dollars and thirty-five cents. What amounted to a fortune when you were a kid? Maybe your fortune was seventeen dollars or seventy. But seven dollars and thirty-five cents bought a lot of treasures then.
A million choices – from watches to wigs and girdles to goldfish
Kress’s was the best store for buying presents – even better than the stores in Mobile. You could get lost in the rows and rows of counters, racks, and shelves. And they were all piled high with everything anybody could want, from watches to wigs and from girdles to goldfish.
I walked in and went right past the soda fountain — another Christmas memory because it was where Grandma bought my first Sundae. After just a quick glance, I marched past the toy land too. I was on a mission.
Christmas Memories — Beads, Boxes, Earbobs, and BroachesI headed to the jewelry counter. It overflowed with the makings of christmas memories — beads, boxes, earbobs, and broaches. I looked at a shiny gold satin box with a necklace of big sparkly red rhinestones. It was like something a movie star would wear, I thought, but it cost nearly four dollars. I wouldn’t have enough left for the other presents, and Mama didn’t like real sparkly necklaces anyway.
I kept looking — fancy mirrors, little glass boxes, embroidered handkerchiefs. I liked the handkerchiefs, but Mama used Kleenex.
Pop Beads!Then I saw a display of the prettiest beads — pink and blue and yellow and purple. I picked up a strand. They broke! I stood there holding the broken beads and trying not to cry. I wished I could run away but a saleslady saw me and came over. But she wasn’t mad. She laughed.
“They’re not broken. They’re pop beads,” she said. “Brand new. They pop open so your mama can change them to fit what she’s wearing. Look. You pop open a long necklace and make a shorter necklace and bracelet to match.”
Wow! Pop beads. Was there ever anything neater? I bought the pink ones. They would go with Mama’s Sunday dress.
I didn’t have to go far to find a gift Grandma would love. It was right next to the pop beads — a pin. It was a tiny pink rhinestone rose with a green stem and it was in a shiny gold frame — like a picture. I got that and a box of her favorite Lilac Talcum Powder too.
Christmas Memories of Tie Tacks and HobosNext, on to the men’s counter — watches, fountain pens, and fancy pipes. Tie tacks in all kinds of shapes went around on a revolving stand. I had almost decided on a tie tack shaped like a blue boat with a red sail when I saw it — the best gift ever — a little statue of a hobo. He had a red nose, pink cheeks, a bowed mouth, a cigar, and a black top hat. Daddy would love it.
But it was broken — not bad broken — just a small hole in his stomach. I figured that was why he only cost fifteen cents. But I had enough money. I could buy a good one.
I asked the saleslady if she had one that wasn’t broken. She laughed too. “It’s not broken. It’s an ashtray. The hole is where you put the lit cigarette and he blows smoke out of his mouth.”
Wow! I couldn’t wait till Christmas. Daddy was going to laugh and laugh. And he’d show it off to Uncle Stanley and everybody.
Elegant Gifts for the Old Ladies on Petain StreetAll my shopping done, so I wandered around the store. Kress’s really did have everything. They even had real cut crystal vases. And they were only a dime apiece. Right next to them was a rack with plastic roses in every color. That gave me an idea — gifts for the three old ladies who lived alone on Petain Street. Wouldn’t they be surprised to get a present? I had eighty-three cents left over. I could buy the vases and a rose for each one, and I’d still have enough for the gingerbread man and the bus home.
I don’t remember ever feeling prouder that I did on the bus ride home. Hugging my packages and my gingerbread man, I was even more giddy that I’d been on the trip in. But I couldn’t jump up and down because an old lady got on and sat next to me.
Christmas Memories & The Joy of GivingThat was the Christmas I learned the the meaning of the joy of giving. Mama loved her pop beads. She said she’d wanted some ever since she saw Mrs. Reeves wearing hers at church. Grandma said her pin was the prettiest one ever and she pinned it right on her bathrobe. The old ladies on Petain Street told me I was the sweetest girl and hugged me and gave me pie.
But Daddy’s hobo was the hit of the day. He showed it to Uncle Stanley and everybody just like I knew he would. And he kept it on his dresser for years. My first shopping trip gave me an unforgetable Christmas.
What are your favorite Christmas Memories?My Christmas memories — shopping at the 5&10, gingerbread men, pop beads, plastic roses in crystal vases, and hobos that blew smoke. What are your favorite Christmas memories? The first time you went Christmas shopping on you own? And the gifts you chose? A tie tack in the shape of a moose? Really? A leaky fountain pen? Midnight in Paris perfume? A tobacco pipe shaped like a lion’s head? One best thing about being a kid was you were sure your gifts were the awesome-est. And on Christmas you found out — they were!
Merry Christmas! And merry Christmas shopping!
Ruthi
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November 8, 2023
A CAREER AS AN ARTIST
Planning a career as an artist? Then, bring your sense of humor. It will be as important as your talent. It’s a good idea to wear blinders too. Why? For the same reasons horses wear them — if you could see all the obstacles and distractions around and ahead of you at the start chances are you’d get spooked and never get much past the gate. With blinders on, you dive in with blind optimism. That’s when you’ll need your sense of humor.
The Beginning of a New CareerI’d retired after selling my business and suddenly I was cut adrift — I didn’t have a goal to accomplish. Without that, who was I? I had to find something new to aim for — a new career. And money would be good too — retirement is expensive. I decided I would be an artist — a proposition not quite as out of the blue as it seems. It had been one of my dreams when I was a kid — that and being on Broadway. And I’d been illustrating my blog with cartoons for years. So, with my declaration — and blind optimism — my art career was launched.
All I’d have to do was make art people would want. But what?
Animals with Attitude Do you like to look at cartoons of funny animals? Lots of people do, so there would be a huge market for funny animals — animals with attitude — my animals. I started with cats because we all know cats are rich in attitude — from pampered, entitled cats 
or from the other side of the tracks to rough, tough alley cats. 
Dogs are both our friends and our consciences — sometimes they’re joyful and loving, then sad-eyed, guilt-inflicting.
Then I discovered red-eyed tree frogs and knew I had a winner. Who wouldn’t want to hang in their homes pictures of bright blue and yellow and green frogs leapfrogging into the sky? This was fun.
Have you ever gotten carried away, working on something you loved? That was me. I threw myself into my art, working seven days a week. In a few months, I had amassed over two hundred original drawings and greeting cards — feisty cats, sweet dogs, and frolicking frogs plus irresistibly grumpy geese…
lovable horses…
and revenge-seeking turkeys.
I hadn’t yet planned how to get people to see them — which is pretty important if you’re going to sell them. I had to get down to business. of selling art, and I had a lot to learn.
Ah, Technology — and Vegan Lasagna!Where do you sell art today? I knew the answer — in online stores. But that meant moving beyond my pens and pencils and into the technology universe. I’m not friends with technology. 
In fact, I’d had several bad encounters with it — like the time I tried to register online for a friend’s wedding and ended up with vegan lasagna instead of steak or chicken — I hate vegan lasagna. I still don’t know how I sent her one dish towel instead of a set of sheets.
Clearly, technology scared me. And what’s the first thing you do when you’re about to go someplace scary? Procrastinate. I did that. My house has never been so clean. When I finally couldn’t find anything else to do, I went to the computer and watched videos about setting up a store. The nice people in the videos said it would be easy. I knew it wasn’t true, but I clicked on a site and started. It took many tries, but I finally figured out how to sign on and fill out the forms. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to fill out the same form over and over if I hadn’t kept forgetting the password.
More Technology! You Have to Get Paid.At last, I thought I was ready to open my store. But then the government stepped in and said, halt — no store without a tax number! Oh no — not only technology but government technology. It was terrifying. So, I weeded the garden. When I bit the bullet and got a tax number — all by myself, I was so proud.
Next question — how will people pay you? With Money? Don’t be silly. People don’t have money. They have credit cards. I thought I’d have to get a credit card processor — expensive, more tech, plus a box I’d have to keep up with. Was there no other way?
Have you ever noticed that answers can come from the most unexpected places? This answer came from a manicurist. She asked if I wanted to put my bill on Venmo. Really? Venmo is not a candy vending machine? I went to my son for help. In twenty minutes I’d gained the ability to take your money with not only Venmo, but PayPal, Apple Pay, and Wallet.
Still More Technology!
My son also told me to get something called a QR code. I googled. It’s a squiggly black box to put on a sign or business card. Any person who holds their phone up to my code is magically transported to my store. Who knew? All the people who have been using them for years knew — as my son tells me.
Once I had the techie stuff done, came a seriously addictive part — filling my store. Just click, and my feisty animals were on actual products. What fun! I was a kid in Toy Land. My dogs and cats, grumpy geese, and turkeys on greeting cards, totes, pillows, tee shirts, hoodies, and journals. And Frogs on everything including a clock, flip-flops, and Christmas ornaments. Pretty soon, my store was so crowded with products, even I couldn’t navigate it. But when customers discovered it they’d be overwhelmed with treasures.
By the way, if you have a friend who opens an online store, remember this. It’s really annoying to ask, “Has anybody bought anything yet?”
My Career as an Artist on Social MediaHow do you get people to your store? Social media of course. I was sure when people saw my cartoons, they’d flock to my site to buy them. I started posting on Facebook and Instagram — two or three cartoons every day — and with hashtags (I’d done my homework). After a few months, my posts were consistently getting between as many as two or three likes. I got no shares.
But I got quite a few messages from people who said they were lonely and wanted to know me better.
Money, Money, Money
“You have to get your art in front of people. Go to arts and craft fairs.” A great idea! I found that Freedom Hill Horse Rescue had their big event coming up and I registered to have a booth. The next step was to spend money. Have you visited arts and crafts fairs? Do you have any idea you’d need to set up a booth? The answer is Money! Money for a white, ten-by-ten tent with sides (art fair people are picky), tables, metal display grids, racks, and easels.
I went shopping in my basement and found a few items, but the rest took money. With the booth taken care of, I still had to have signs, banners, and business cards (with my QR code of course) printed. I saw a lot of money going out. On went the blinders again — I’d make it back when my art started to sell.
Dress Rehearsal for the Big DayThis was the final preparation! I laid out a mock store on my dining room table. It was jam-packed with drawings, paintings, and hand-drawn greeting cards. Cats, dogs, grumpy geese, cows, and horses. But my frogs were the stars of the show — frogs in every color under the rainbow —jumping, diving into ponds hiding behind branches, and driving speedboats! I bet nobody would have more to offer than I did.
I imagined the fair — imagined people coming into my booth, seeing my huge variety of cartoons and drawings, and taking them home. What I didn’t imagine was rain.
My Career as an Artist Launched — The ShowThere was a light rain that morning, but I was confident that it would stop in time for my show. I arrived at the fair and found my spot in the sand of the riding arena. The rain was coming down harder — but it would soon rain itself out. I put on my raincoat and carried box after box to my booth. Once every inch of my booth was covered, I was ready for customers. 
Through the constant downpour, people trickled into the fair. One or two at a time came into my booth. That’s okay because there wasn’t enough room for more to squeeze in. I didn’t understand why no one stayed to look through my many boxes of animal drawings or greeting cards.
Don’t Take Frogs to a Horse ShowCan you guess what kinds of people will show up in the pouring rain for the Freedom Hill Horse Rescue arts and crafts fair? Right! Die-hard horse lovers. And I had frogs! Ever heard the saying, don’t take a knife to a gunfight? Well, don’t take frogs to a horse show either. Luckily I did have some horses because they were all people bought. At least it covered the cost of my banner.
My Career as an Artist — A Work in Progress
After the show, when I was asked how it went, what I could say was, “It was a learning experience.” It’s not what I wanted to say, but … There’s another old saying, “When you fall off, get back up on the horse.” That’s just what I did. I signed up for two more shows and put the blinders back on — I’m sure it won’t rain next time. And I’ll bring more horses.
So, if you’re planning a career as an artist, bring your sense of humor and keep it handy. It will be as important as your talent. And blinders help too so you can dive in with enthusiasm and not get spooked by the distractions. Then, just keep going — and laughing.
If you would like an original, signed drawing, please contact me at ruthibirch@gmail.com.
And for more about animals with attitude click here https://lifefunscripted.com/imagine-what-animals-think/
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October 2, 2023
WEIRD ENCOUNTERS — STRANGERS WITH UNSOLICITED ADVICE
Have you ever had weird encounters with strangers — strangers with unsolicited advice? Then you know how it is. You’re minding your own business — maybe just walking down the street — then some person you don’t know barges into your life and tells you you’re doing it wrong. How do you react? With incredulity? Irritation? Make it laughter because you get to come away with a funny story.
You’re doing it wrong — dog training —We live in a world that is chockablock with dog-rearing authorities. If you’ve ever trained a dog, you must have met one.
I have a soft-coated Wheaten terrier, Mr. Magoo. Wheaten terriers come from Ireland where they’ve been bred for over two hundred years specifically — I think — to jump up on people. We were in a park. I was straining to keep Magoo from jumping on me and to drag him away from the other people he so wanted to pounce upon. I was also pretending I didn’t notice the judgmental looks all around as I yelled louder and louder, “Down. No! Down!!”
Have you ever wanted to scream when some stranger sniped, “You should train your dog.” What did they think you were doing – or trying to do?
When I was struggling with Mr. Magoo, the cutest little old man came walking toward us. He was smiling. I smiled back, seeing the twinkle in his eye and a look of sympathy for my challenge. I expected him you say some commiserating words like, “He’s just a puppy. He’ll get there.” But that’s not what happened. He had advice.
“Here’s what you do. The next time he jumps up, take your foot and stomp down on his foot. He’ll learn right quick.” And to show me, he leaned on his cane, lifted his foot, and stomped the ground. “Just like that. He’ll learn.”
I grabbed my dog and made our escape before this stranger could give more demonstrations of his unsolicited advice.
Unsolicited advice from the Fashion Police —Have you ever been accosted by an imperfect stranger who told you your clothes were wrong? It’s amazing that people think it’s okay to criticize the clothes of a stranger. But they do.
The frustrating thing about unwanted criticism is that most of the time we can’t react quickly enough to come up with a zingy response. But it feels plumb wonderful those times when we do.
That Shirt’s Wrong —My friend was doing yard work wearing a tee shirt she’d bought in Dublin. It said Trinity College, Dublin, and 1592.
A woman walking past stopped, came into the yard, and said, “Your shirt is wrong!”
“I beg your pardon.”
“I happen to be from Ohio, and I know for a fact there is no Trinity College in Dublin. And we hadn’t even settled Ohio in 1592.”
With excellent reaction time, my friend said, “Have you ever heard of Ireland?”
Change your expression —“Smile. God loves you.” Do you remember when this was a trend? You’d be walking down the street, thinking about work or bills or what to make for dinner — thinking about anything except how some passing stranger would judge the expression on your face. But they did. For a while, it seemed every other person you met admonished you to smile.
Luckily, all trends run their courses. But when that trend finally petered out, a worse one came along — one that imposed guilt. “Smile. You should be grateful for this day.”
It’s illegal to punch a stranger.
I grew up in the South and my neighborhood was rich in old people. I loved listening to them talk. They summed a character in color: “He’s crookeder than a barrel of snakes.”
The old people weren’t shy about minding anybody’s business — including strangers. They passed out unsolicited advice whenever they saw fit. But they were at least entertaining because they gave their unsolicited advice in old-people Southern speak.
“Bless your heart. That dress is sure not keeping your secrets for you, is it?”“Honey, I was walking behind you, and it looks like you’ve outgrown those pants. I expect Woolworths has something that’s your size.”“Ooh, Honey, look at you — grocery shopping in your Sunday go-to-meeting clothes. Aren’t you worried that folks are gonna say you’re full of yourself.”One afternoon, I was moping around the yard, mad because some mean boy at school had hurt my feelings. When Grandma came out and found out what I was mad about, she had this terse piece of advice. “Don’t let him get your goose.” (Southern for get over it)
More advice about a dog —
Mr. Magoo is three now and pretty well trained — except for the jumping part. I was in a park chatting with a friend. Mr. Magoo was leashed and sitting at my feet. Two kids, maybe four or five years old came running up.
“Can we pet your dog?” I looked around for the mother. She sat on a blanket maybe twenty yards away and seemed oblivious. The kids kept asking. So, okay. He’s used to it and calmly permits the affection. So, I held him and told them to pet his back. Then I said they should go play.
But the children wouldn’t go. They kept running at the dog, waving their hands at his face, then skittering away, and coming back to do it again.
Only when Mr. Magoo got excited and started jumping and barking did the mom come. To admonish the children? No. She looked at me, annoyed, and said, “You should watch your dog around children.”
It was one of those times when no zinger came. I just stared at the woman, unbelieving, and trying hard not to let her get my goose.
Weird encounters with strangers —
If you’ve had encounters with strangers giving you unsolicited advice and if you came away with funny stories, then you won! You may actually look forward to the next person who barges into your life and tells you you’re doing it wrong. We never have enough funny stories.
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September 5, 2023
IMAGINE WHAT ANIMALS THINK …
Do you ever try to imagine what animals think? You don’t know if you’re right or wrong — the animals will never tell you. The fun is that you can make up whatever stories amuse you to go with their expressions.
For example, as you walk up to a horse, she looks like she’s smiling. Wow, you think. She’s remembering our last ride and she’s glad to see me. Then again, maybe not. Maybe she’s laughing at a great joke she heard — or she’s laughing at you. Horses do have senses of humor and sometimes you act funny.
Cats, on the other hand, don’t bother to hide their feelings. Cats have attitude. You don’t need to imagine what animals think when it comes to your cat: I’m entitled. You’re here to serve.
The goose is another animal with attitude — often a grumpy one. I don’t know how much experience you’ve had with geese, but if you find yourself near a grumpy goose, get out of the way — unless you enjoy abuse. Those hisses and honks are assaults of gripes and grumbles — possibly about your faults. What have you done wrong? Everything!
The red-eyed tree frogs are not just pretty faces. They’re slapstick comics, leapfrogging through the jungle, doing acrobatics. In their case, what the animals think is clear — let’s have some fun. Their antics can inspire all kinds of imaginings. For example, here’s a tree frog chasing a bug. 
Imagine — He’s coming up his walk when he spies the delicious-looking bug. He calls to his wife, “Hey, Martha. Cancel the reservations. I’ve got dinner here.”
When the bug makes a run for it, the frog tries charm: “No. Don’t go. I was only kidding with my wife. It was a joke. Can’t you take a joke?”
“No.” And the bug darts away.
“Wait up. You’re new around here, aren’t you? Cmon. Then we’re neighbors. We got off to a bad start. I just want to be friends.”
Finally, the frog tries his hurt act. He whines, “I’m starting to think you don’t trust me.”
(The bug got away, and the frogs ordered in.)
IF ANNOYING NEIGHBORS WERE FROGS
Did you ever have those neighbors you couldn’t get rid of — the nosy ones who were always peering over the fence spying on you? The ones who try to worm their way into your life. It’s easier to understand what animals think than it is to get into the heads of some people.
Entitled! That’s the word for cats (but I needed a “c” word for the title). You can never do enough to gain a cat’s appreciation.
What are your guesses as to what’s in this cat’s head?
Remember the story of The Princess and the Pea? This princess was caught in a storm for some reason. She came to a queen’s home saying she’s a princess in need of shelter. The queen took her in and made a rather excessive bed for her — twenty eiderdown beds on top of twenty mattresses. Not a trusting soul, she put a tiny pea underneath them all. The next morning, the princess grumbled about the bed. The princess was a cat.
Not all cats are princesses. Some are pugilistic. So, back off the alley cats. What these animals think is aggressive. Then there’s the cool cat — another guy who will lead you on given half a chance. And his lines are as old as the pyramids.
We all believe our best friends, the dogs, adore us. They usually do, but dogs have over twenty expressions and they use them all for one thing — to control us. If you’ve come under the you-forgot-my-dinner gaze, you understand.
And how many times have you met the I’m-not-guilty face on your buddy and started looking for whatever mess he’s made? That face swears to his innocence — even when we’ve caught him red-handed with the evidence.
How can you resist the Rescue-Me face on this guy? That face sings a sad song.
I’m pretty sure that’s true. I’ve known it since I got to know the horses at Freedom Hill Horse Rescue in Owings, Maryland. It’s no wonder they’re used in therapy. Their therapy works for me. When I’m feeling down, all I need is to go to Freedom Hill and hug a horse. I wonder if I could take a support horse on a plane.
Scientists say they don’t actually laugh — but I’m not a scientist. So when I see a horse with a big grin on his face, I’m pretty sure he’s thinking of something funny.
This is Benni. What do you think he’s laughing at? Could be he’s remembering a joke — horses’ jokes aren’t hay but they are corny. Are you ready?
So what do you imagine animals think? Maybe you’re right or maybe you’re wrong. The animals won’t tell you, so you can have fun making up whatever stories amuse you to go with their expressions.
Do you like my feisty frogs, heavenly horses, crafty cats, adoring dogs, and grumpy geese? All of the animals featured in this blog are on products in my store. https://ruthi-birch.printify.me/products
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August 1, 2023
LIFE AFTER RETIREMENT — A LAUGHING MATTER
Life after retirement is a laughing matter. Laughing is a leading cause of happiness. It’s a fact. So we’ve gotta laugh. Of course, we may have to get past some unfunny things that try to get in our way first — lost purpose, boredom, loneliness, and the headlines filled with guns and bombs and the woes of Brittany Spears. How do we get past them? We laugh. We look for the funny things — the weird things we don’t understand. Why, for example, does my local paper print the obituaries right next to the crossword puzzle?
LAUGHTER IS A DO-IT-YOURSELF KIND OF THINGLaughter is a do-it-yourself kind of thing. You have to figure out what makes you laugh. Then, do it. Skip the headlines and go straight to the funny paper. Or make a journal of every dumb mistake you ever made — that’s guaranteed to make your kids laugh at least.
Creating laughs is why I draw cartoons. Animals with attitude are always good for a laugh. 
Animals are funny. Did you ever watch your dog or cat and wonder what they’re thinking? I imagine the answer and draw it — feisty, angry, silly, or superior.
What do you think this guy is thinking? 
Then you haven’t tried to call your cable or cell phone provider lately. You get customer service voices without bodies. They stand between you and any human who you hope can help you. But first, the voices demand detailed information — information that if you knew you wouldn’t be calling. One of the voices actually sounded snippy when I couldn’t answer its questions. Finally, you reach a human, but it’s not the right human. Or worse, it’s the it-can’t-be-done human.
If these providers aren’t enough, there are the airlines. But hold onto your blood pressure. You know the old saying: Never wrestle with a pig. You just get dirty, and the pig likes it. That’s funny.
One of the best things about getting older is you know you win when you walk away laughing. Plus you’ll have stories to tell your friends — and embellish as much as you like for the sake of the laugh
LIFE AFTER RETIREMENT — WHAT’S MISSING?After we retire, one thing we miss most is a sense of purpose. When we were working, even the toughest jobs were rewarding because they mattered. And what did we do when we finished them? We laughed. Whether we taught, managed, built things, or fixed things, creative purpose was built into our careers. We solved problems. We came up with new ideas. Then we celebrated — and laughed. 
Now, without that purpose, it’s like we’re cut adrift without a direction. So, there’s no party coming. And that’s nothing to laugh at.
TIME TO MAKE A NEW PURPOSEYou have time on your hands. The dog can only entertain you so much. And the grandkids have to go home or to school sometimes. This is where you take matters into your own hands and come up with a new purpose. There are hundreds of them. You can volunteer. Join a crew that cleans up the river. Serve meals at a family homeless shelter. Or work with people who are even older than you. They have great stories and they love to laugh.
Or you can make a laugh journal to share with friends. Think back to every funny story in your life and write it down. Or a collection of the best jokes. Or … think like a kid.
GO BACK TO YOUR CHILDHOOD — DANCEMaybe the answer for your life after retirement is to remember what was fun when you were a kid. What did you love to do — something you’ve been too busy to do in years? Maybe it’s something you think is too silly — something you’ve outgrown. But maybe it’s not.
It could be your new passion — your purpose.
If you loved to dance, don’t let age stop you. Dance! Go out on the town. 
My passion was drawing. I couldn’t sit still without a pencil and paper in my hand. I drew everywhere — in church, school, or while watching TV with Grandma. Sometimes it got me in trouble — like the time I drew a picture of the Sunday school teacher with warts and a witch’s hat on the lesson sheet. I’d have been fine except that nasty Nancy stole it and showed it to the teacher.
I tried to play sick the next Sunday but Mama didn’t buy it, so I had to face the teacher again. 
“If you’d study instead of wasting time drawing silly pictures, you’d know the multiplication tables by now.” I didn’t like the multiplication tables. Even the grid was boring.
I didn’t let that teacher stop my artistic endeavors. I had a new canvas — my arithmetic tests. I turned them into beautiful pieces of art. My early attempts just had flowers along the edge of the paper. As time and tests went on, I added raindrops, then clouds and a rainbow. With each test, my drawings got better. My final work, my masterpiece had a rainbow and raindrops falling from the cloud, passing through the arithmetic problems, and landing on the umbrella of a little girl standing in a garden of colorful flowers.
I thought Mrs. Williams had appreciated my work, but after I turned in my masterpiece she ended my career creating beautiful arithmetic tests.
BECOME YOUR OWN PURPOSEWith no mean girl or Mrs. Williams to tell me I can’t, I draw my cartoons —
dogs and cats and geese and horses. And frogs — my favorites because frogs can’t help being funny. 
I worked at my new purpose with gusto. Soon, stacks of cartoons teetered on my desk. It was messy. And was it enough of a purpose? That’s when I decided to sell my cartoons at art shows and open the Grumpy Goose Shop online — a shop for animals that talk to people and make them laugh.
LIFE AFTER RETIREMENT IS A LAUGHING MATTERLaughing is a leading cause of happiness. We’ve gotta laugh because laughter gets us past the roadblocks. So the key is to look for the funny or create our own — because laughter is a do-it-yourself kind of thing.
Read more about this crazy life after retirement https://lifefunscripted.com/life-after-retirement-bring-your-sense-of-humor/
Ruthi Birch
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June 1, 2023
LIFE AFTER RETIREMENT — MONEY WORRIES
Life after retirement — money worries. Even if we have money, many of us still have worries. We may try to bury them but they’re there — lurking underneath. I didn’t know how worried I was until a nightmare woke me up to it.
In my dream, I was sitting across from a money manager. But he wasn’t the nice man who manages my money. He was more gaunt and sallow — like Scrooge. He shook his head and grimaced when he said, “I’ve assessed your accounts and made projections. With the money you have, you can afford to live another three and a half years. If you cut out air conditioning and slash your spending on heat and water, you might stretch it to four or four and a half.” 
“What? But I’m too young,” I cried. “It can’t all come to an end in four years. What will I do then?”
“Don’t worry,” he said cheerfully. “I thought of that and here’s the good news. Here’s a budget I prepared for you. It allows you to spend fourteen dollars a week. Just stick with it and it will keep you going for seven years — maybe nine.” I dreamed I was trying to figure out how I could live on his budget. Did that fourteen dollars include the mortgage? If it did, I was dead already.
WAKING UP TO MONEY WORRIESYou’d think waking up after that dream I’d have felt a huge surge of relief because it was just a nightmare — I wasn’t destitute. My money manager — the nice one — had promised me I was okay and could afford to live well into old age. Still, the dream left a cloud over me. Sitting at breakfast, I realized I had my iPad open and I was scanning the web to find the lowest-priced foods. I figured Mr. Scrooge’s budget would work if I lived on dried beans, canned vegetables, and broccoli — I hate broccoli.
MONEY WORRIES BECAUSE WE’RE NOT IN CONTROLIn spite of assurances from money managers, we’re afraid of running out of money. Why? It’s because all we have is our old money. When we were working, we could always count on bringing home new money. If an investment lost money, it hurt, but we could earn more money — new money. Now, all we have is old money. It’s invested and may earn newish money, but it’s not under our control. And we can’t replace it if it’s lost.
And don’t even mention social security — it’s old money too. And do you really want to stake your future security on a government that keeps threatening to renege on repaying you the money you gave it to hold for your old age?
LIFE AFTER RETIREMENT — A PLANIf thoughts of money are driving you crazy, do something about it. You don’t want to go through the rest of your life frazzled. Cut expenses or find a way to make new money or both. You just have to make a plan and you know how to do that.
My plan is to earn new money. And it’s an amazing plan — inspired. I’ve already been doing it — drawing animal cartoons for my blog. People tell me they love my feisty frogs,
grumpy geese, caustic cats, and adorable dogs. 
There’s a market for original art. I’ll go to art fairs. I’ll open an online store. Everybody will want to buy tee shirts, greeting cards, and notebooks with my cartoons. It can’t miss.
I dove into my new job. As they say, it’s not work if you love doing it and I do love it.
I built one business and I learned that to build a successful business you have to invest in it. I made a list of the costs I’d incur — supplies, paper, paint, brushes, mats, printing, tee shirts, a tent, and display racks.
I already had money worries, so the big question for me was, could I afford it? Back to the nice money manager, I went with my plan, my drawings, and the rough amount of money I’d need to invest.
IT WAS LIKE A SCENE FROM A MOVIEDo you remember the old Mickey Rooney movies? Mickey would come up with a grand plan to put on a show — an extravaganza. He’d gather the kids and say something like, ‘We’ll get my uncle’s barn and put on a show. Famous producers will come on opening night. Then, we’ll be on our way to Broadway. It can’t miss. Are you with me, kids?’
I played the Mickey role. As soon as I walked into Jake’s office, without sitting down, I announced, “We can stop worrying about my security! I’m starting a new business and I’ll be earning money again.”
THE MONEY WORRIES COMEDYJake said he hadn’t been worried, but I cut him off. “Look,” I said and waved my hands over his desk that was littered with a confusion of dogs, cats, horses, geese, and frogs. “See? This is how I’m going to make money. “I’ll go to art shows and sell my drawings, paintings, and greeting cards. I’m setting up an online store too. (It didn’t bother me that I had no idea how to set up an online store.) I’ll call it something fun and catchy — the Feisty Frog or the Grumpy Goose. What do you think?”
Who can resist a bad puppy?
SERIOUSLY, CAN I AFFORD IT?He smiled as he picked up each drawing. “These are good. What do you plan to sell them for?”
“I don’t know yet. I’ll have to figure it out, but I know there’s a market for them.” I showed him my expense journal. “I’m keeping good records of my costs, so I’ll know how much money I make. That’s why I came. I thought I should talk with you before I go too far — to be sure I can afford the upfront investment.”
“You can afford it. Don’t worry.” He set my journal aside. “The important thing is you’re having fun with it.”
“I am having fun. And I will make money and end my money worries.”
“Ruthi, I think you should aim for break even.” Don’t you hate it when someone tells you to be realistic? Okay. I’d settle for break even the first year. But after that….
FORGET BREAKING EVEN — I WAS GOING TO DIE.I needed advice from a pro, so I went to a co-op art store and met one of the artists. She was willing to help — so willing. She started by listing basic tools I’d have to have —a self-healing cutting board (Is that even possible?), a metal ruler and triangle, a T square, and an Exacto knife with changeable blades. She diagramed how I was to cut my own mats with beveled edges.
Forget breaking even — I was going to die. I’d bleed to death. Tools are a mystery. I barely passed plane geometry because I couldn’t understand how the protractor still works when the pencil gets shorter — still can’t.
THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAILS — AND VICE VERSAShe must have taken my terrified squint for fascination because she kept going — loading me down with details. I live with ADD — attention deficit disorder. ADD means details are my enemy. I described it in a recent blog. https://lifefunscripted.com/living-with-adhd-marching-to-a-different-drummer/
That woman clearly does not live with ADD. She peppered me with details and questions. “What kind of software will you use?” I shrugged to say, I don’t know. “You’ll need the software for your inventory tracking system. How else can you keep up with your inventory and sales? How will you handle it when someone wants to return something? What system will you use for credit cards? You’ll want to get paid.” She chuckled at her little joke. “You can do it right in your phone.” Not my phone. It’s so old Apple no longer updates it.
I was getting a headache. I thought this job was about drawing frogs and horses. no! It was way more complicated than I’d expected. When I confided that to a friend who was a successful businesswoman, she said, “Everything is more complicated than we expect.”
FALLING BACK ON LESSONS MY DADDY TAUGHT MEIn my book, How to Build a Piano Bench, I wrote about lessons Daddy taught me. When my piano bench broke, he on the construction of a one. When Mama pointed out that he didn’t know how, his anser was, “You don’t have to know the whole how of it. You just have to know the right next step and when to ask for help.” He built the piano bench and inlaid the top with tiny strips of wood in different colors. I gave up on playing piano, but I still have a beautiful piano bench, a piece of primitive art.
Listen to Daddy. I don’t have to give up my dream just because I don’t know “the whole how of it.” I just need to figure out the next right step and that’s what I’m doing. So look out for the announcement: The Grumpy Goose shop is open for business.
THE GRUMPY GOOSE SHOP
LIFE AFTER RETIREMENT — MONEY WORRIESLife after retirement — even if we have money, many of us still have money worries. It’s scary not to know you can bring in more money. My nightmare woke me up and got me going. I did cut expenses along with drawing my cartoons and reserving a space at the next art show. And I’m having fun building a new dream. Is money a worry for you? So what’s your plan?
June 2023
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