Clair Brett's Blog, page 4
May 13, 2019
To the Mother who Feels Forgotten
YESTERDAY WAS MOTHER'S DAY:
happy late day to anyone who didn’t see my meme on Facebook. This day is very near and dear to my heart. I used to look forward to the hideous Mother’s Day gifts that my girls would bring home from school. I proudly, until a couple years ago, would wear the pins each girl made me one year. They are still my jewelry box and I considered putting them on when I got ready for church yesterday. My girls are now out of school and out of the nest.It is time I admit something to you all here. I like to think I am observant and take other people’s emotions into consideration, but I was unaware of how divisive Mother’s Day had become. And honestly, I’m still a bit confused about the whole thing, but this is not that blog post, so I will say only that if a woman has a nurturing bone in her body, whether she is a teacher, aunt, friend, co-worker, whatever they have been a “mother” to another human being. I was adopted so I know this. You don’t have to give birth to care for someone’s well being, so if you had someone in your life like that, please celebrate them.WHEN THE CALL DOESN'T COME:Now, back to my real reason for this post. For the mother who, against her best attempts is estranged, from or doesn’t hear from their children as they would like, this is for you. I am not speaking about those mothers who make the choice not to mother, or are abusive, or neglectful. These mothers baked for the bake sale, waited up nights worrying, and still worry today, or smiles when the phone rings.We are all human and for a million different reasons children and parents sometimes drift apart. Sometimes it is the growing-up process and it will pass, other times it is a difference in opinion. Other times, there is no clear reason. But, as a mother they still sit by the phone, or make plans to make no plans so they might get a chance to see or speak with their children, and they end the day still waiting and hoping.
It hurts. As mothers, we will tell ourselves and everyone else that you knew your child was terribly busy, and it slipped their mind. You justify the lack of even a card with a: “Well, cards are expensive, and they probably didn’t have the money waste.” In the end it doesn’t hurt any less.I SEE YOU:I want you to understand, you did your job. You lost sleep, made sacrifices, and put them first and you deserve recognition. No parent is perfect, and as parents we do the best we can on any given day. (again, not talking about the abusive, or neglectful parents, there is a special place in hell for them). Most of us, though make our decisions on the fly, weighing the pros and cons, many of which we don’t have any idea of, because we can’t see into the future.We fall into bed at night exhausted from the stress of trying to raise a decent human being in this world that seems to be working against us every step of the way.The thing that slays me, is that when this sort of thing happens, most moms will say something along the lines of “I don’t want them to regret of not visiting when it is too late. I don’t want them to carry that blame.” Why? Because as mother’s who may have already lost someone important to us, we realize that there may not be next year, there may not be another a chance, and we know the pain, and we (because we are good parents) don’t want our children going through that.I am hopeful that with most of these situations, once the growing has finished, they will see how important you are to them, and that no amount of annoyance can replace the impact you as their mother had and still has on their lives. And one day they will show up with the flowers and even better, a hug and a kiss, and the words that will make your mother’s heart melt.Until then, coming from someone who understands your pain, know that you are loved and appreciated for being the mother that did her best every day, and loves her kids every day, even if they are being unlovable at the moment. I see you, and you see the next one, and so on. Keep loving them, but do not for one second start believing you are undeserving, or you were not a perfect mother, because you had rules, or didn’t let them go out that time… None of us are perfect parents, and when they themselves are faced with a child wanting what they want, and they have to say no, they may understand you better.So, buy yourself some flowers from me. Have a drink, go get a mani/pedi. You deserve it. We deserve it. Do Not Ever Think You Don’t!
happy late day to anyone who didn’t see my meme on Facebook. This day is very near and dear to my heart. I used to look forward to the hideous Mother’s Day gifts that my girls would bring home from school. I proudly, until a couple years ago, would wear the pins each girl made me one year. They are still my jewelry box and I considered putting them on when I got ready for church yesterday. My girls are now out of school and out of the nest.It is time I admit something to you all here. I like to think I am observant and take other people’s emotions into consideration, but I was unaware of how divisive Mother’s Day had become. And honestly, I’m still a bit confused about the whole thing, but this is not that blog post, so I will say only that if a woman has a nurturing bone in her body, whether she is a teacher, aunt, friend, co-worker, whatever they have been a “mother” to another human being. I was adopted so I know this. You don’t have to give birth to care for someone’s well being, so if you had someone in your life like that, please celebrate them.WHEN THE CALL DOESN'T COME:Now, back to my real reason for this post. For the mother who, against her best attempts is estranged, from or doesn’t hear from their children as they would like, this is for you. I am not speaking about those mothers who make the choice not to mother, or are abusive, or neglectful. These mothers baked for the bake sale, waited up nights worrying, and still worry today, or smiles when the phone rings.We are all human and for a million different reasons children and parents sometimes drift apart. Sometimes it is the growing-up process and it will pass, other times it is a difference in opinion. Other times, there is no clear reason. But, as a mother they still sit by the phone, or make plans to make no plans so they might get a chance to see or speak with their children, and they end the day still waiting and hoping.It hurts. As mothers, we will tell ourselves and everyone else that you knew your child was terribly busy, and it slipped their mind. You justify the lack of even a card with a: “Well, cards are expensive, and they probably didn’t have the money waste.” In the end it doesn’t hurt any less.I SEE YOU:I want you to understand, you did your job. You lost sleep, made sacrifices, and put them first and you deserve recognition. No parent is perfect, and as parents we do the best we can on any given day. (again, not talking about the abusive, or neglectful parents, there is a special place in hell for them). Most of us, though make our decisions on the fly, weighing the pros and cons, many of which we don’t have any idea of, because we can’t see into the future.We fall into bed at night exhausted from the stress of trying to raise a decent human being in this world that seems to be working against us every step of the way.The thing that slays me, is that when this sort of thing happens, most moms will say something along the lines of “I don’t want them to regret of not visiting when it is too late. I don’t want them to carry that blame.” Why? Because as mother’s who may have already lost someone important to us, we realize that there may not be next year, there may not be another a chance, and we know the pain, and we (because we are good parents) don’t want our children going through that.I am hopeful that with most of these situations, once the growing has finished, they will see how important you are to them, and that no amount of annoyance can replace the impact you as their mother had and still has on their lives. And one day they will show up with the flowers and even better, a hug and a kiss, and the words that will make your mother’s heart melt.Until then, coming from someone who understands your pain, know that you are loved and appreciated for being the mother that did her best every day, and loves her kids every day, even if they are being unlovable at the moment. I see you, and you see the next one, and so on. Keep loving them, but do not for one second start believing you are undeserving, or you were not a perfect mother, because you had rules, or didn’t let them go out that time… None of us are perfect parents, and when they themselves are faced with a child wanting what they want, and they have to say no, they may understand you better.So, buy yourself some flowers from me. Have a drink, go get a mani/pedi. You deserve it. We deserve it. Do Not Ever Think You Don’t!
April 15, 2019
Five Reasons Not to Put off Your Dreams
One thing that happens to me every spring is that I get a desire to look at my life and see where I stand. Many people do this on New Year’s, and I do in a way think about the last year and consider what I need to change for the coming year, but after the long, cold, winter, I feel a freedom that may not translate well into words.Spring is about beginnings to me and when I think about my life I think about
the big beginnings and the big endings, because let’s face it, you can’t have one without the other.If you are a parent, then you know making choices about what you pursue is a daily thing. You have responsibilities and you don’t want to let those who depend on you down, so maybe the idea of writing the novel, or owning the art store seems far away. You have bills, insurance concerns, soccer games, birthdays, and any number of other things to put in front of them.I get it. I do. I am the mother of two grown girls, I am wife, and I was my mother’s care giver for almost 10 years. But I am here to tell you that if you want something bad enough, it will only help to complete you as a person and make your other roles more empowering.I am not suggesting you quit your day job that puts food on the table, carries the insurance, and in general makes life in a consumer driven world livable, but I am talking about carving out even five minutes a day to work toward what you want. Why, should you add one more thing to your already full plate? Well, good question and here are five reasons for you to ponder.1. YOU THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIMEIf you sit on your lunch break, or in the car in traffic and think about what your life would be like if you were doing (insert dream career here). Or if when you are in the middle of a bad day it pops into your head; you are already spending precious brain matter on it. Instead of just thinking about it, take your lunch break to read articles or books about the dream you have. Make a plan for learning more about it, or even make a list people to connect with to network. If it is writing that book, carry a recorder (we all have one on our phones now) and dictate scenes or ideas to keep for later.2. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPYThis one was a huge one for me. You did not become an adult to give yourself up to your responsibilities. Your children need to have an example of a person that knows what they want and works to get it. Your parents who you may be caring for would want you to have those things you dream about. Your spouse much prefers seeing a smile on your face, then a look of frustration and defeat. Also remember we change over time. Do not feel guilty that what you first thought you wanted as a newly minted adult, is not what you want now. It’s called growth, and it is not a bad thing, it is a very good thing. I found that when I was struggling with my reality, just doing one thing toward my dream would help me stay positive and hopeful.3. THOSE AROUND YOU DESERVE AN EXAMPLE OF A PERSON BEING THEIR BEST SELFNo one wants to be a martyr when they grow up. And we don’t want our children to be either. We all make sacrifices and that won’t stop, but your children deserve to see you every day striving to be your best, and to be happy. My daughters know that when I go away for a writer’s conference, or have an hour of writing time to myself, I am a better human being when I spend time with them. Likewise, your friends should see others striving for bigger and better things. It may inspire them to also take a step to follow their dreams as well.4. WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR TALENT WILL AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE IN WAYS YOU CAN'T IMAGINENo matter what your dream is, it would impact someone to have you and your talents in their lives. Maybe the novel you write gives someone hope. Perhaps the furniture you upcycle will make someone smile every time they look at it. Maybe the young person you counsel will find a solution to their troubles.5. REGRETS ARE THE WORST
This was my number one reason for not letting my dream go and even when life got tough, I found a way to keep working on it in some fashion. I do not want to find myself at the end of my life saying, I wish I had… or What would have happened if I’d only…I would rather say, boy that was an epic fail, but at least I tried.If there is that one thing you have always wanted to do, consider my reasons for not letting it go undone. If you are a person who is content with your life this is not an article saying you should have something you want to do to change your life. Just be open to those feelings of curiosity and interest and instead of burying them until “later” why not take a small chunk now and see who it feels. If it feels right, take another chunk. You never know where it might lead.Do you have a dream you’re working toward little by little? How do you carve out time for your interest? I’d love to hear from you.
the big beginnings and the big endings, because let’s face it, you can’t have one without the other.If you are a parent, then you know making choices about what you pursue is a daily thing. You have responsibilities and you don’t want to let those who depend on you down, so maybe the idea of writing the novel, or owning the art store seems far away. You have bills, insurance concerns, soccer games, birthdays, and any number of other things to put in front of them.I get it. I do. I am the mother of two grown girls, I am wife, and I was my mother’s care giver for almost 10 years. But I am here to tell you that if you want something bad enough, it will only help to complete you as a person and make your other roles more empowering.I am not suggesting you quit your day job that puts food on the table, carries the insurance, and in general makes life in a consumer driven world livable, but I am talking about carving out even five minutes a day to work toward what you want. Why, should you add one more thing to your already full plate? Well, good question and here are five reasons for you to ponder.1. YOU THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIMEIf you sit on your lunch break, or in the car in traffic and think about what your life would be like if you were doing (insert dream career here). Or if when you are in the middle of a bad day it pops into your head; you are already spending precious brain matter on it. Instead of just thinking about it, take your lunch break to read articles or books about the dream you have. Make a plan for learning more about it, or even make a list people to connect with to network. If it is writing that book, carry a recorder (we all have one on our phones now) and dictate scenes or ideas to keep for later.2. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPYThis one was a huge one for me. You did not become an adult to give yourself up to your responsibilities. Your children need to have an example of a person that knows what they want and works to get it. Your parents who you may be caring for would want you to have those things you dream about. Your spouse much prefers seeing a smile on your face, then a look of frustration and defeat. Also remember we change over time. Do not feel guilty that what you first thought you wanted as a newly minted adult, is not what you want now. It’s called growth, and it is not a bad thing, it is a very good thing. I found that when I was struggling with my reality, just doing one thing toward my dream would help me stay positive and hopeful.3. THOSE AROUND YOU DESERVE AN EXAMPLE OF A PERSON BEING THEIR BEST SELFNo one wants to be a martyr when they grow up. And we don’t want our children to be either. We all make sacrifices and that won’t stop, but your children deserve to see you every day striving to be your best, and to be happy. My daughters know that when I go away for a writer’s conference, or have an hour of writing time to myself, I am a better human being when I spend time with them. Likewise, your friends should see others striving for bigger and better things. It may inspire them to also take a step to follow their dreams as well.4. WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR TALENT WILL AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE IN WAYS YOU CAN'T IMAGINENo matter what your dream is, it would impact someone to have you and your talents in their lives. Maybe the novel you write gives someone hope. Perhaps the furniture you upcycle will make someone smile every time they look at it. Maybe the young person you counsel will find a solution to their troubles.5. REGRETS ARE THE WORSTThis was my number one reason for not letting my dream go and even when life got tough, I found a way to keep working on it in some fashion. I do not want to find myself at the end of my life saying, I wish I had… or What would have happened if I’d only…I would rather say, boy that was an epic fail, but at least I tried.If there is that one thing you have always wanted to do, consider my reasons for not letting it go undone. If you are a person who is content with your life this is not an article saying you should have something you want to do to change your life. Just be open to those feelings of curiosity and interest and instead of burying them until “later” why not take a small chunk now and see who it feels. If it feels right, take another chunk. You never know where it might lead.Do you have a dream you’re working toward little by little? How do you carve out time for your interest? I’d love to hear from you.
April 1, 2019
5 Business/Self-Help Book Worth Trying
Wow, where did last month go? That was the fastest March in record. As spring is starting to sprout everyone starts thinking about opening the windows, airing out the house, and cleaning out the cobwebs from winter. This month’s theme here at my blog is “Taking Stock.” I have lists galore all month to help you in your life, because they did in mine. So, check back weekly to see what new list I have for you.This week’s list is about books. Shocker, I know, but I am not talking fiction here. I am talking about business/self-help books. I made a goal of continual 
reading of such books. Now, full disclosure I usually buy these in audio versions first and listen to them in my car, while doing dishes, or just sipping a cup of tea in my comfy chair.After I have listened through it, if there was information I want to highlight or bookmark I may then purchase the kindle version or even the paperback if I want it at my desk. This process has worked out very nicely for me. I strongly recommend audio books if you are finding yourself in your car for a large part of your day.When I first started listening to audio books, my mother was in an assisted living facility about 40 minutes from my house. The last year and a half of her life, I was visiting her twice a day. Her dementia was such that she often needed to see a familiar face during those transition times in her day. Well, that was 80 minutes each trip, or over 2 ½ hours a day I was spending in my car. Also, the closer we got to her passing, these were not always stress-free trips either way. I needed a distraction. Back then I couldn’t handle self-help anything. I was happy if I could get my kids to school and be home when they got out and get dinner on the table. I wanted straight up escape. It was perfect! Now, I use that down time from my desk to keep up with my professional development, and again it is working out perfectly. Let that inner English teacher that says audio books aren’t reading go and try it. Below are some of the most helpful books I’ve read in the past year in no particular order. I hope you enjoy them.1. BIG MAGIC, BY ELIZABETH GILBERT:Yes, the Eat, Pray, Love author for those of you that may be familiar. This book was circulated around the writing world when it first came out and for good reason. As creatives trying to sell our creations, we are caught between two different worlds. The on world where unicorns dance and spray glitter across a field of wildflowers, and time means nothing, and the world where book deadlines, children, and every other thing is vying for our time. This can lead to writer’s block, stress, and other nasty things. My big take away from Ms. Gilbert was that you can straddle both, but you need to look at your writing as a job. That thing you show up for every day.I was reading this just after my mother had passed away and other things in my life were messier than I had planned in my view of a perfect happy life, so I was struggling to show up. What she says is that no matter if your muse shows up or not, you need to be there. You need to show your muse you are there to work. Your muse can come or not come, but you are writing with or without them. She explains that she feels ideas have a life and they will go to those that they believe will give them life (in this century), so if you are writing, you are a prime target for ideas to appear. (That was my big take away, but there is still so much more to take away.)Click Here for Book buy link or Author website2.THE BIG LEAP, BY GAY HENDRICK:This book was suggested to me by my business mentor. Gay Hendrick has spent his life as a therapist. He worked with couples, leaders, etc. He came up with a philosophy that our brains learn methods to “protect us” as we grow, but as we become adults these methods can hinder us from gaining our highest potential. He calls it an upper limit problem.For example, if every time your life is going well and seems to be aligning with your dreams something “happens” to derail you. It could possibly be your subconscious holding you back to protect you from failure or whatever your hang up is.It does sound a bit woo woo, but he has science behind his research, and I have tried to pull back in instances when I was waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from under me. I am able to ask myself if this is actually a problem, block, or issue, or am I just creating a situation to justify not moving to the next level of my goals.I found this very helpful to remind me to keep myself in check.Click here for book buy link or author website.3. DARE TO LEAD, BY BRENE BROWN:The fabulous Brene Brown has done it again. This is a book that is geared toward people in a leadership role in the business world, but as I listened to this book, I kept thinking about how this information would have been helpful as a parent. I learned quite a lot about myself, and also the role that things like fear and shame play in dealing with other people on a daily basis.She backs her ideas with science and real-life examples, then also give suggestions on how to change your environment to make it a safe place where people want to or fill like they are welcome to put themselves out there. Because we all know in order to succeed, we need to push the status quo, and that is often a dangerous place emotionally.I highly recommend this book if you have a team or have to “deal” with other humans on a daily basis. You will find insights that you can use in this book.click here for book buy link or author website4. UNMARKETING, BY STEPHEN SUTTEN AND ALISON SUTTEN:If you are a person who doesn’t like the pushy salesperson persona, or the cold call, lead person, then Unmarketing and really anything Scott and Alison have is for you. I have been beyond frustrated for quite a long time when it comes to marketing. I never worked in retail for a reason. It isn’t that I hate the public (though there are days) or that I don’t want to “deal” with customers. I just hated feeling like I was pushing myself on them.This book was for me. It assured me that I can run my business around the idea of community building. That it is ok to not feel that I need to “collect” 10,000 newsletter subscribers that may not even want what I am selling. They talk about the basics of marketing in a clear and simple way. They also have a fabulous podcast and often do Facebook live videos on their page.They hang out on twitter mostly, so go and introduce yourself.Click here for book buy link or author websiteA-GAME, BY DAMON SUEDE AND HEIDI CULLINAN: For authors this book again is not about the hard sell, or the go, go, go, sell, sell, sell, idea. It is a marketing idea that helps to fit marketing strategies that best “fit” your personality. I read this book on Kindle, I did not listen on audio.If you are old enough you might remember the “You choose the adventure book” where at the end of a scene you would get two choices. Like, “If he falls off the cliff and lands in the water, go to page 27. If he climbs back up to face the angry bear, go to page 57.” This book is kind of set up like this.Damon and Heidi understand that not every marketing strategy is going to appeal or come easy to every author. They have created a “test” for you to take on their website to determine your “personality.” Once you know your personality type, you can go back to the book and you have a choice. You can read the book through from cover to cover, or you can read those parts that pertain to your personality. (disclaimer: I only read those parts that were based on my personality type) The Kindle version has easy links to click when you get to a place where you have to jump ahead, or back depending on the topic.I found their ideas too led the reader to the idea that as an author you are looking to build a community, which does not easily play into the sell, sell, sell mentality.Click here for book buy link or author website
I hope you find these suggestions helpful, I know I did. Check back in next week for another “taking stock” list. And if you would like to get a sneak peek at the first chapter of my upcoming book, join my newsletter and get it for free! Click here.Have a great week,Clair.
reading of such books. Now, full disclosure I usually buy these in audio versions first and listen to them in my car, while doing dishes, or just sipping a cup of tea in my comfy chair.After I have listened through it, if there was information I want to highlight or bookmark I may then purchase the kindle version or even the paperback if I want it at my desk. This process has worked out very nicely for me. I strongly recommend audio books if you are finding yourself in your car for a large part of your day.When I first started listening to audio books, my mother was in an assisted living facility about 40 minutes from my house. The last year and a half of her life, I was visiting her twice a day. Her dementia was such that she often needed to see a familiar face during those transition times in her day. Well, that was 80 minutes each trip, or over 2 ½ hours a day I was spending in my car. Also, the closer we got to her passing, these were not always stress-free trips either way. I needed a distraction. Back then I couldn’t handle self-help anything. I was happy if I could get my kids to school and be home when they got out and get dinner on the table. I wanted straight up escape. It was perfect! Now, I use that down time from my desk to keep up with my professional development, and again it is working out perfectly. Let that inner English teacher that says audio books aren’t reading go and try it. Below are some of the most helpful books I’ve read in the past year in no particular order. I hope you enjoy them.1. BIG MAGIC, BY ELIZABETH GILBERT:Yes, the Eat, Pray, Love author for those of you that may be familiar. This book was circulated around the writing world when it first came out and for good reason. As creatives trying to sell our creations, we are caught between two different worlds. The on world where unicorns dance and spray glitter across a field of wildflowers, and time means nothing, and the world where book deadlines, children, and every other thing is vying for our time. This can lead to writer’s block, stress, and other nasty things. My big take away from Ms. Gilbert was that you can straddle both, but you need to look at your writing as a job. That thing you show up for every day.I was reading this just after my mother had passed away and other things in my life were messier than I had planned in my view of a perfect happy life, so I was struggling to show up. What she says is that no matter if your muse shows up or not, you need to be there. You need to show your muse you are there to work. Your muse can come or not come, but you are writing with or without them. She explains that she feels ideas have a life and they will go to those that they believe will give them life (in this century), so if you are writing, you are a prime target for ideas to appear. (That was my big take away, but there is still so much more to take away.)Click Here for Book buy link or Author website2.THE BIG LEAP, BY GAY HENDRICK:This book was suggested to me by my business mentor. Gay Hendrick has spent his life as a therapist. He worked with couples, leaders, etc. He came up with a philosophy that our brains learn methods to “protect us” as we grow, but as we become adults these methods can hinder us from gaining our highest potential. He calls it an upper limit problem.For example, if every time your life is going well and seems to be aligning with your dreams something “happens” to derail you. It could possibly be your subconscious holding you back to protect you from failure or whatever your hang up is.It does sound a bit woo woo, but he has science behind his research, and I have tried to pull back in instances when I was waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from under me. I am able to ask myself if this is actually a problem, block, or issue, or am I just creating a situation to justify not moving to the next level of my goals.I found this very helpful to remind me to keep myself in check.Click here for book buy link or author website.3. DARE TO LEAD, BY BRENE BROWN:The fabulous Brene Brown has done it again. This is a book that is geared toward people in a leadership role in the business world, but as I listened to this book, I kept thinking about how this information would have been helpful as a parent. I learned quite a lot about myself, and also the role that things like fear and shame play in dealing with other people on a daily basis.She backs her ideas with science and real-life examples, then also give suggestions on how to change your environment to make it a safe place where people want to or fill like they are welcome to put themselves out there. Because we all know in order to succeed, we need to push the status quo, and that is often a dangerous place emotionally.I highly recommend this book if you have a team or have to “deal” with other humans on a daily basis. You will find insights that you can use in this book.click here for book buy link or author website4. UNMARKETING, BY STEPHEN SUTTEN AND ALISON SUTTEN:If you are a person who doesn’t like the pushy salesperson persona, or the cold call, lead person, then Unmarketing and really anything Scott and Alison have is for you. I have been beyond frustrated for quite a long time when it comes to marketing. I never worked in retail for a reason. It isn’t that I hate the public (though there are days) or that I don’t want to “deal” with customers. I just hated feeling like I was pushing myself on them.This book was for me. It assured me that I can run my business around the idea of community building. That it is ok to not feel that I need to “collect” 10,000 newsletter subscribers that may not even want what I am selling. They talk about the basics of marketing in a clear and simple way. They also have a fabulous podcast and often do Facebook live videos on their page.They hang out on twitter mostly, so go and introduce yourself.Click here for book buy link or author websiteA-GAME, BY DAMON SUEDE AND HEIDI CULLINAN: For authors this book again is not about the hard sell, or the go, go, go, sell, sell, sell, idea. It is a marketing idea that helps to fit marketing strategies that best “fit” your personality. I read this book on Kindle, I did not listen on audio.If you are old enough you might remember the “You choose the adventure book” where at the end of a scene you would get two choices. Like, “If he falls off the cliff and lands in the water, go to page 27. If he climbs back up to face the angry bear, go to page 57.” This book is kind of set up like this.Damon and Heidi understand that not every marketing strategy is going to appeal or come easy to every author. They have created a “test” for you to take on their website to determine your “personality.” Once you know your personality type, you can go back to the book and you have a choice. You can read the book through from cover to cover, or you can read those parts that pertain to your personality. (disclaimer: I only read those parts that were based on my personality type) The Kindle version has easy links to click when you get to a place where you have to jump ahead, or back depending on the topic.I found their ideas too led the reader to the idea that as an author you are looking to build a community, which does not easily play into the sell, sell, sell mentality.Click here for book buy link or author websiteI hope you find these suggestions helpful, I know I did. Check back in next week for another “taking stock” list. And if you would like to get a sneak peek at the first chapter of my upcoming book, join my newsletter and get it for free! Click here.Have a great week,Clair.
March 25, 2019
Those Characters that Stick with Us
This will be my last installment this month talking about Characters. I have enjoyed sharing a bit of my process and introducing you to my own characters. Check out all of my character posts before you leave. Today, however, I am going to go back to when my own writing career was but a gleam in my eye and what book sparked my desire to do what I am doing today.It is universal in the book world that any reader or writer has that one book they hold near and dear. They will have it I all formats (I just found out this book comes in hardcover and you can believe I am getting it), if they have an autographed copy that will be the one thing they grab in a fire, and when asked about good books they will repeatedly put this at the top of the list.WHEN PRESSED THERE IS ONE BOOK THAT ALWAYS RISES TO THE TOP:Confessions of a Scoundrel by Karen Hawkins to me is a hidden gem
that needs more press. It was that book that solidified what I wanted to accomplish in my own work. The premise is great. It is part of the “Talisman Ring Series”. A group of brothers who have the St. John ring, and whichever brother has the ring will find their true love. In this book poor Brandon St. John is shackled with it. The plot is interesting with murder and deception. All the things that make a plot yummy to me. But what grabbed me in this story and never let me go is the character development.WHY THE HEROINE DREW ME IN:Lady Verena Westforth is the bell of the demimonde. She is a strong, independent woman. She is also not a chaste virgin. This makes the bedroom scenes much more sensual, because she is aware of what her body wants from our hero once she gets him where she wants him. She is smart and goes along with the notion Brandon has of her to keep him at arm’s length. I loved how Karen Hawkins was able to show the juxtaposition that Verena must live in. She would love to shut Brandon out protecting her heart and her independence. She realizes she needs him to protect her life and her secrets, so she must share that which she protects most from the person who she is most vulnerable to. (seriously, I’m getting goosebumps thinking about it.) In one of the first scenes with the two characters, Brandon presents her with a check for a large sum of money to leave his younger brother alone. Verena tears it up and sprinkles it over his head like confetti. She was the heroine I wanted to create on my own page!WHY THE HERO DREW ME IN:All of the brother’s in the St. John family are amazing in their right, but my favorite by far was Brandon. He had the furthest to fall in my opinion out of all of the brothers. He held himself to a very high esteem and only a character like Verena would be the demise of his hubris. Brandon, with all his ego, was likable though. Everything he did was to protect his family and their name. He was proud of who he was and where he came from and would do what needed to be done to protect that. He was also raised in the cradle of high society, so his eyes are opened when he must leave the comfort of that and see what the world is like for many others. It doesn’t take him long before he realizes his world view may not be as solid as he once thought. His change is magic on the page.I loved this book so much, I am giving you theAmazon link here to go buy it and let me know what you thought about it after.OTHER AUTHORS WITH GREAT STRONG CHARACTERS:
If you are a lover of Historical romance none of these names will be new to you, but if they are, go and give them a try. I have spent many hours enjoying the characters and their stories. If you have an author that has done this to you, please share in the comments.Julia QuinnEloisa JamesNicole JordanThe list goes on. Now, go out and get reading!Clair
that needs more press. It was that book that solidified what I wanted to accomplish in my own work. The premise is great. It is part of the “Talisman Ring Series”. A group of brothers who have the St. John ring, and whichever brother has the ring will find their true love. In this book poor Brandon St. John is shackled with it. The plot is interesting with murder and deception. All the things that make a plot yummy to me. But what grabbed me in this story and never let me go is the character development.WHY THE HEROINE DREW ME IN:Lady Verena Westforth is the bell of the demimonde. She is a strong, independent woman. She is also not a chaste virgin. This makes the bedroom scenes much more sensual, because she is aware of what her body wants from our hero once she gets him where she wants him. She is smart and goes along with the notion Brandon has of her to keep him at arm’s length. I loved how Karen Hawkins was able to show the juxtaposition that Verena must live in. She would love to shut Brandon out protecting her heart and her independence. She realizes she needs him to protect her life and her secrets, so she must share that which she protects most from the person who she is most vulnerable to. (seriously, I’m getting goosebumps thinking about it.) In one of the first scenes with the two characters, Brandon presents her with a check for a large sum of money to leave his younger brother alone. Verena tears it up and sprinkles it over his head like confetti. She was the heroine I wanted to create on my own page!WHY THE HERO DREW ME IN:All of the brother’s in the St. John family are amazing in their right, but my favorite by far was Brandon. He had the furthest to fall in my opinion out of all of the brothers. He held himself to a very high esteem and only a character like Verena would be the demise of his hubris. Brandon, with all his ego, was likable though. Everything he did was to protect his family and their name. He was proud of who he was and where he came from and would do what needed to be done to protect that. He was also raised in the cradle of high society, so his eyes are opened when he must leave the comfort of that and see what the world is like for many others. It doesn’t take him long before he realizes his world view may not be as solid as he once thought. His change is magic on the page.I loved this book so much, I am giving you theAmazon link here to go buy it and let me know what you thought about it after.OTHER AUTHORS WITH GREAT STRONG CHARACTERS:If you are a lover of Historical romance none of these names will be new to you, but if they are, go and give them a try. I have spent many hours enjoying the characters and their stories. If you have an author that has done this to you, please share in the comments.Julia QuinnEloisa JamesNicole JordanThe list goes on. Now, go out and get reading!Clair
March 18, 2019
Damsels in Distress Need not Apply
Characters are my theme for the blog this month. Check out last week’s post where it’s all about my heroes. This week we are looking at the leading ladies. I can’t wait to introduce them to you, so read on.MY LOVE/DISLIKE FOR MY HEROINES:
True confessions time Y'all. When I started writing my heroes would come to me fully formed and in all their glory. I was all about the hero. When it came time to pick the woman who would become his one true love, I would get stuck. I would like to be all high and mighty and say it was because I need to craft the perfect woman, but no. I was jealous. These were my heroes. Mine. I didn’t want to see them with anyone else but me. When I would work scenes in my head, I was always the stand in. (No judging allowed.)My heroines always laid on the page flat like cardboard. I would read blogs and articles about writing great characters. I knew my heroes were fabulous, but not my ladies. Around that time, I was teaching 8th grade English (still waiting for my medal of honor). We were discussing plot vs. character in class. I realized my female characters were one dimensional because I was treating them that way. It may have been because I was repressing my own broken parts as a modern woman. I may not have wanted to search too deeply into what my characters were missing, wanting, or needing. It was too close to home or, I was jealous and didn’t want to share. We may never know.HOW I FLESH OUT MY HEROINES TO MAKE THEM HUMAN:I need to find out what they want, even if they don’t know what they 
want. They need to be in a situation where acting counter to what is expected is their only choice for moving forward. I also realized that I needed heroines who could handle my heroes. If they can’t go toe to toe with the man, they will not be his happily ever after or he hers.There are usually a lot of lists about what she could want and why. Then there are the lists about why she can’t have what she wants because that is where the story is.I look for their greatest fear. At the end of the day, what is the one thing that could destroy them. For my first heroine, this was losing her independence and being nobody. She was so scared of it before the story even started, she faked her own death running to Scotland to hide from the one man she could love.I also find a picture that embodies the essence of my heroine to inspire me and make her real in my mind. Often by looking at the picture, I can see things I hadn’t known before.WHY I CHOOSE NOT TO WRITE TRADITIONAL REGENCY HEROINES:My heroines are strong, willful, and at times dangerous, but before they can be any of those things, I need to find out why. I write 
Historical romance. It can be very limiting if you think of the typical example of a Regency lady. This was a time before women’s suffrage. Wives were still considered property on paper, and it was difficult or almost impossible for a lady of status to have a job outside of being a wife and mother.I have had many people over the years tell me I can’t allow my heroines to do things they do because "it was the Regency and they were not allowed." Well, I counter that with my firm belief that human nature is human nature, no matter the time period. There had to have been women during the Regency that did not go along with the prevailing view of society. If not, where did the ideas of women’s suffrage or equality come from? Once I came to terms with the fact my heroines were going to behave badly to one group of readers, I was fine with it.Damon Suede said at a conference that a character must change the world they live in during the course of the book. That world could be the drawing room in their own house, but the character must act to change their world. So yeah, my heroines shake things up.BEFORE YOU GO LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO MY HEROINES:Miss Ella Bowen-Thorn-Renwick, the owner of her own bakery in a small Scottish town in Dealing with the Viscount, is surprised when the husband she fled from four years ago appears. She fights against his charm to preserve her independence and protect her heart.Lady Louissa Adair fromAn Heiress by Midnight comes out fighting, giving her hero a good scar from her sword on their very first encounter. She can’t deal with one more insufferable man while trying to find her brother before her uncle sells her off the highest bidder. Oh, and did I mention she is trying to prove her uncle had her parents killed? Clive has to work over time to appear on her radar and get them to a happily ever after.The Honorable Aisling Lightowler from Visions of Pleasure goes against her father’s wishes to get her hero to her house to solve a 100-year-old mystery. In the process, she is taken in by Bastion’s own visions. She is tenacious and strong-willed, but nothing a Spanish Count can’t fall in love with.If you would like to be the first to find out about my writing, get entered to win cool stuff, and have other chances of being part of the community,join my newsletter. We have great fun over there, and you know stuff first!Clair
True confessions time Y'all. When I started writing my heroes would come to me fully formed and in all their glory. I was all about the hero. When it came time to pick the woman who would become his one true love, I would get stuck. I would like to be all high and mighty and say it was because I need to craft the perfect woman, but no. I was jealous. These were my heroes. Mine. I didn’t want to see them with anyone else but me. When I would work scenes in my head, I was always the stand in. (No judging allowed.)My heroines always laid on the page flat like cardboard. I would read blogs and articles about writing great characters. I knew my heroes were fabulous, but not my ladies. Around that time, I was teaching 8th grade English (still waiting for my medal of honor). We were discussing plot vs. character in class. I realized my female characters were one dimensional because I was treating them that way. It may have been because I was repressing my own broken parts as a modern woman. I may not have wanted to search too deeply into what my characters were missing, wanting, or needing. It was too close to home or, I was jealous and didn’t want to share. We may never know.HOW I FLESH OUT MY HEROINES TO MAKE THEM HUMAN:I need to find out what they want, even if they don’t know what they want. They need to be in a situation where acting counter to what is expected is their only choice for moving forward. I also realized that I needed heroines who could handle my heroes. If they can’t go toe to toe with the man, they will not be his happily ever after or he hers.There are usually a lot of lists about what she could want and why. Then there are the lists about why she can’t have what she wants because that is where the story is.I look for their greatest fear. At the end of the day, what is the one thing that could destroy them. For my first heroine, this was losing her independence and being nobody. She was so scared of it before the story even started, she faked her own death running to Scotland to hide from the one man she could love.I also find a picture that embodies the essence of my heroine to inspire me and make her real in my mind. Often by looking at the picture, I can see things I hadn’t known before.WHY I CHOOSE NOT TO WRITE TRADITIONAL REGENCY HEROINES:My heroines are strong, willful, and at times dangerous, but before they can be any of those things, I need to find out why. I write Historical romance. It can be very limiting if you think of the typical example of a Regency lady. This was a time before women’s suffrage. Wives were still considered property on paper, and it was difficult or almost impossible for a lady of status to have a job outside of being a wife and mother.I have had many people over the years tell me I can’t allow my heroines to do things they do because "it was the Regency and they were not allowed." Well, I counter that with my firm belief that human nature is human nature, no matter the time period. There had to have been women during the Regency that did not go along with the prevailing view of society. If not, where did the ideas of women’s suffrage or equality come from? Once I came to terms with the fact my heroines were going to behave badly to one group of readers, I was fine with it.Damon Suede said at a conference that a character must change the world they live in during the course of the book. That world could be the drawing room in their own house, but the character must act to change their world. So yeah, my heroines shake things up.BEFORE YOU GO LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO MY HEROINES:Miss Ella Bowen-Thorn-Renwick, the owner of her own bakery in a small Scottish town in Dealing with the Viscount, is surprised when the husband she fled from four years ago appears. She fights against his charm to preserve her independence and protect her heart.Lady Louissa Adair fromAn Heiress by Midnight comes out fighting, giving her hero a good scar from her sword on their very first encounter. She can’t deal with one more insufferable man while trying to find her brother before her uncle sells her off the highest bidder. Oh, and did I mention she is trying to prove her uncle had her parents killed? Clive has to work over time to appear on her radar and get them to a happily ever after.The Honorable Aisling Lightowler from Visions of Pleasure goes against her father’s wishes to get her hero to her house to solve a 100-year-old mystery. In the process, she is taken in by Bastion’s own visions. She is tenacious and strong-willed, but nothing a Spanish Count can’t fall in love with.If you would like to be the first to find out about my writing, get entered to win cool stuff, and have other chances of being part of the community,join my newsletter. We have great fun over there, and you know stuff first!Clair
March 11, 2019
It's All About my Heroes
My theme for March on my blog is character. Lady A, last weekgave you a glimpse of a few characters I am currently living with. You will meet them soon in my new releases this year.When I think of heroes, I hear the song by Bonnie Tyler, I Need A
Hero (If you were a child of the 80’s you knowsinging the chorus in your head. Sorry)In romance, a lot of pressure is put on the lead male character of the story. He is the reason many of us pick up a book in the first place. To get lost in a story with a swoon-worthy hero. However, every hero cannot be all things to all readers. The perfect hero is a unicorn. He doesn’t exist, because readers of the Romance Genre are so diverse. We can, however, make male characters that are able to change and redeemed by the end.HOW I CREATE MY HEROES:Not that you will want to, but I am going to take you into my head and try to explain how I create my heroes for my different stories. Don’t worry, I cleaned up and dusted a bit, so it isn’t too scary. When I first get a story idea it may be in either my hero or heroine’s point of view. It doesn’t take me long to say “Ok, buddy who are you and why should you be the hero of this story?” My heroes are very strong and take-charge guys most of the time. They step into a room and expect to notoriety and listened to. But they are not perfect. My heroes have flaws and are broken. We all love a project, don’t we? I make sure there is a lot of conflict for them to have to muddle through. I try to make them uncomfortable more than they are comfortable. Sometimes they stop talking to me altogether for a while because of this.I will search the internet for inspiration photos. Those photos become my character, like my last release,Visions of Pleasure. My inspiration was Jason Mamoa. I dare you not to see it if you read that book. For full transparency purposes, I need to tell you that I am partial to dark haired guys. If I try to change it up on the page, my heroes in my heart of heart all have thick dark locks, and are Gerard Butler. I am professional enough to know that won’t work every time.When you talk heroes, you look at whether they are alpha or beta heroes. There may be other choices, but I sit somewhere in between these two. I wouldn’t call any of my heroes all alpha or all beta. I see alpha heroes being like Conan the Barbarian. All action, little talk, and no democracy to be found. I see a Beta hero like Bruce Banner (Hulk’s alter ego), the mild-mannered, soft-spoken professor who would be happier if everyone just got along. My heroes usually straddle the line a bit. As my writing evolves my heroes do become more broken, which leans them more in one direction or the other. The idea of being off balance and them striving to gain that balance back.MY PERFECT HERO:
My perfect hero would the brooding type. He is strong and intelligent. My perfect hero knows when to jump in to save the day, but confident enough to step aside and let the heroine have her moment in the sun or even save him if the scene calls for it. My heroes must be willing to yield because my heroines are one strong group of ladies, more about them next week.IF YOU HAVEN'T READ MY WORK, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO MY HEROES:Viscount Renwick (Devon) was my first hero, and you know what they say about your first? He holds a spot near and dear to my heart. This poor Lord has been raked across the coals. He originally thinks his wife is dead when his story begins. His Happily Ever After is definitely hard fought. Check out Dealing with the Viscountto see his story.Earl of Breakerton (Clive to his intimates) is best friends with Devon and when his time came in An Heiress by Midnight, I was no easier on him. Clive feels he is overburdened with women in his life. He is the only male in his family with a gaggle of sisters and an interfering mother. But, he isn’t prepared for his heroine, who begins their story by almost cutting him down in a sword fight. He must learn humility before he gets his happily ever after.Bastion Niall Dalais Guaire, 4th Count of Lugar de Sueño hails from Spain in Visions of PLeasure but is drawn to England on the request of his heroine. He would not go, but he has visions of them together and of him saving her and her family. What hero would resist that? When he gets there, he finds that as much as he has to save her, she is just the person to save his soul. (there may be a little magic in this one.)I hope my readers enjoy my heroes as much as I do. I have a great job, I get to live with my heroes as I create their stories. What could be better? I would be nice if they could do the dishes every once in a while, or even a load of laundry, but hey there is still time.
Want to get a glimpse in what I am working on now? Sign up for my newsletter and be the first to get sneak peeks of my works in progress, be in the running for giveaways (just because) and get special offers and chances to be part of the community!Join here.
Hero (If you were a child of the 80’s you knowsinging the chorus in your head. Sorry)In romance, a lot of pressure is put on the lead male character of the story. He is the reason many of us pick up a book in the first place. To get lost in a story with a swoon-worthy hero. However, every hero cannot be all things to all readers. The perfect hero is a unicorn. He doesn’t exist, because readers of the Romance Genre are so diverse. We can, however, make male characters that are able to change and redeemed by the end.HOW I CREATE MY HEROES:Not that you will want to, but I am going to take you into my head and try to explain how I create my heroes for my different stories. Don’t worry, I cleaned up and dusted a bit, so it isn’t too scary. When I first get a story idea it may be in either my hero or heroine’s point of view. It doesn’t take me long to say “Ok, buddy who are you and why should you be the hero of this story?” My heroes are very strong and take-charge guys most of the time. They step into a room and expect to notoriety and listened to. But they are not perfect. My heroes have flaws and are broken. We all love a project, don’t we? I make sure there is a lot of conflict for them to have to muddle through. I try to make them uncomfortable more than they are comfortable. Sometimes they stop talking to me altogether for a while because of this.I will search the internet for inspiration photos. Those photos become my character, like my last release,Visions of Pleasure. My inspiration was Jason Mamoa. I dare you not to see it if you read that book. For full transparency purposes, I need to tell you that I am partial to dark haired guys. If I try to change it up on the page, my heroes in my heart of heart all have thick dark locks, and are Gerard Butler. I am professional enough to know that won’t work every time.When you talk heroes, you look at whether they are alpha or beta heroes. There may be other choices, but I sit somewhere in between these two. I wouldn’t call any of my heroes all alpha or all beta. I see alpha heroes being like Conan the Barbarian. All action, little talk, and no democracy to be found. I see a Beta hero like Bruce Banner (Hulk’s alter ego), the mild-mannered, soft-spoken professor who would be happier if everyone just got along. My heroes usually straddle the line a bit. As my writing evolves my heroes do become more broken, which leans them more in one direction or the other. The idea of being off balance and them striving to gain that balance back.MY PERFECT HERO:My perfect hero would the brooding type. He is strong and intelligent. My perfect hero knows when to jump in to save the day, but confident enough to step aside and let the heroine have her moment in the sun or even save him if the scene calls for it. My heroes must be willing to yield because my heroines are one strong group of ladies, more about them next week.IF YOU HAVEN'T READ MY WORK, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO MY HEROES:Viscount Renwick (Devon) was my first hero, and you know what they say about your first? He holds a spot near and dear to my heart. This poor Lord has been raked across the coals. He originally thinks his wife is dead when his story begins. His Happily Ever After is definitely hard fought. Check out Dealing with the Viscountto see his story.Earl of Breakerton (Clive to his intimates) is best friends with Devon and when his time came in An Heiress by Midnight, I was no easier on him. Clive feels he is overburdened with women in his life. He is the only male in his family with a gaggle of sisters and an interfering mother. But, he isn’t prepared for his heroine, who begins their story by almost cutting him down in a sword fight. He must learn humility before he gets his happily ever after.Bastion Niall Dalais Guaire, 4th Count of Lugar de Sueño hails from Spain in Visions of PLeasure but is drawn to England on the request of his heroine. He would not go, but he has visions of them together and of him saving her and her family. What hero would resist that? When he gets there, he finds that as much as he has to save her, she is just the person to save his soul. (there may be a little magic in this one.)I hope my readers enjoy my heroes as much as I do. I have a great job, I get to live with my heroes as I create their stories. What could be better? I would be nice if they could do the dishes every once in a while, or even a load of laundry, but hey there is still time.Want to get a glimpse in what I am working on now? Sign up for my newsletter and be the first to get sneak peeks of my works in progress, be in the running for giveaways (just because) and get special offers and chances to be part of the community!Join here.
March 4, 2019
Lady A Reveals On Dits About the Upcoming Marriage Prospects
Gentle Reader,As I write this installment, I am sitting at my writing desk watching the snow begin to give up its hold on the garden, and I realize I have been remiss in not being more Pertinacious in my correspondence. It is a truth known that the whole of the Ton has stayed hunkered down to fortify themselves against the onslaught of the winter weather, so I can hardly be privy to what is transpiring with no social engagements to attend.That said, I am beside myself with pleasure looking at the coming season and all the entertainments it will have to offer.For those with a mind to marriage, I have some horribly upsetting news. When I heard of this, I almost had to take to my bed. We all know the Ton has been waiting for His Lordship Viscount Sutton to come out of the grief of losing his sister and both parents. The circumstances of his poor sister’s death are pity enough, but then to lose both of his parents so soon after it is understandable his extended grief. Well, I am afraid if my source is to be believed he is well and married. Just like that. There were no banns read and no invitations sent, even to the local families.Who, you ask, is the paragon to break the walls and gain an offer when others were unable? Well, only for my readers would I go to such lengths to find the answer. You may recall the story of the poor, poor young lady who was kidnapped while in India on her father’s diplomatic assignment, it is her of all people. Her.Sadly, I have heard that Lady Giselle is permanently scarred from her ordeal, so it is possible we will continue to not see Viscount Sutton or Lady Sutton attending the seasons most desired functions. I will be watching, with breathless hope, however, as I am sure you will as well.I was also told from a very reliable source that Lady Sutton is not a withering rose and is putting her new husband through his paces. Bully to her, I say.Now, for those gentlemen who may well still be on the lists of many a deb. No doubt with a star next to his name, is His Lordship, The Earl of Burton. We are all familiar with his pretty manners, and his devil may care smile. Many a deb have needed smelling salts after looking into those deep soulful eyes.I am here to proclaim he is still very much available and will be accompanying his mother and sister on their rounds this coming season. His antics aside, I am sure the right woman will be able to tame his wild side to her advantage.He has been seen on numerous occasions at Whites and also at the many boxing tournaments and gambling establishments over these long winter months, but take heart my dears, I have been assured that while his behavior may be reckless with all signs of decorum lost, he is most responsible with his estates and never bids over much or wagers to excess.I do hope he waits until the season to procure a wife. I would love a bird’s eye view of his fall from the top of the bachelor list for sure.I will keep you apprised of any more tidbits as I uncover them leading up to the season. Ladies make sure you are ready for a crush this year. I predict this season will be one of much enjoyment and excitement.As my time is very sought after, I must bid you farewell for now.Many good wishes,Lady A ** I am certain Lady A would not mind if I invited you to join my newsletter list, and be one of the first, like Lady A to get information and special announcements and maybe some early snippets of my upcoming work, plus fun prizes and other ways to become part of the community. Sign up today!--Clair
February 25, 2019
Nothing Replaces Supportive Families
WHY MY FAMILY IS SO IMPORTANT TO MY SUCCESS:Last in my “What Inspires Me February” is by far the most important. My family. I do not live in a bubble with a lot of caffeine, chocolate, books, and works in progress. I am a mother to two fiercely independent teen-adults who have flown the coup. I am a wife to a hardworking husband. I am also a niece, cousin, daughter, etc.
If not for all of the people around me, I would not be where I am today, or have plans to level up in the near future. I am grateful everyday for the supportive group of people that help this whole thing work.Their strong support does so much more than they know in helping me to strive to be better with every book.WE ALL MAKE SACRIFICES FOR THIS CREATIVE ENDEAVOR:When I started writing, my babies were babies. I was working as a teacher full time and would come home to make dinner. Kid you not, back in those days with dial up. I would come home turn on the computer and go make dinner, because it would take that long for the dial up to kick in. My husband who also worked full time, would come home, and order me to go put on headphones and write. He was on second watch with the kids. Then there were the three hour drives once a month to get to my “local” RWA meeting. Conference weekends or weekends and plotting retreats all required my family to sacrifice.As writers either full time or those who write in the spare moments should be acutely aware of all the sacrifice that happens for us to do what we do. With out my family ready and able to change things up to accommodate my writing I would not be writing.THEY INSPIRE ME TO SUCCEED:Every time a publish a new book, or see a milestone in my sales, or any number of other accomplishments, I know how it was possible.I am inspired to show my daughters that working hard brings dividends worth working for. I want to show my husband that all those weekends away, and those evenings when I was getting through a tough scene make the difference.With my family in support of me I know that I have already succeeded because there is a group that, at the end of the day, believe in me no matter what a bad review might say.When I sit down to write a new book, I want it to reflect the hard work and sacrifice we have all put in. I want my daughters to say, “My mom is a Romance author.” And be proud.Their sacrifice helps to fuel my desire to become a profitable author, so I can repay those missed days with some vacations and nice dinners as a thank you, even though I am well aware none of them expect any of that. They just want me to be happy.MAKE SURE YOU FIND THE BLESSINGS IN LIFE:As February comes to a close and we get ready to roll into March (my least favorite month), I am reminded that all these things I have talked about all month, the things that inspire me, are too the things that help get me through the good and not so good days. These are all my blessings.I am not sitting here on the back of my gilded unicorn with rainbow glitter snot. I have lived my share of harsh times. I have worked through marriage issues, I have had two teen aged daughters at the same time, guaranteeing someone always hated me, regardless of the day or time, I was my mother’s care-giver for almost 10 years as she was wracked with dementia and then finally bone cancer. I left a profession I loved for 15 years because it had become an abusive environment for me. Life will suck the good out of you sometimes if you allow it to.
But you know what I’ve learned? I’ve had 46 years on this rock to learn these things BTW. There will never be a perfect time. If you have someone in your life telling you go for it; telling you they will pick up the slack, and that they will be there when you need a shoulder to cry on. You are lucky enough.If you are able to have a hobby or a side-hustle you are working on and there are people there to help you and let you do you, then it is a blessing.When I go to be every night, I thank God (you can thank the universe, or Mickey Mouse no judgement here) for the people he has given me to support me and guide me, and sometimes carry me along the way. If you can find one person you are lucky enough.Who do you have that inspires you because of their support? Sign up for my newsletter and see what I’m up to in my writing and if I am having any giveaways or other fun things!-Clair
If not for all of the people around me, I would not be where I am today, or have plans to level up in the near future. I am grateful everyday for the supportive group of people that help this whole thing work.Their strong support does so much more than they know in helping me to strive to be better with every book.WE ALL MAKE SACRIFICES FOR THIS CREATIVE ENDEAVOR:When I started writing, my babies were babies. I was working as a teacher full time and would come home to make dinner. Kid you not, back in those days with dial up. I would come home turn on the computer and go make dinner, because it would take that long for the dial up to kick in. My husband who also worked full time, would come home, and order me to go put on headphones and write. He was on second watch with the kids. Then there were the three hour drives once a month to get to my “local” RWA meeting. Conference weekends or weekends and plotting retreats all required my family to sacrifice.As writers either full time or those who write in the spare moments should be acutely aware of all the sacrifice that happens for us to do what we do. With out my family ready and able to change things up to accommodate my writing I would not be writing.THEY INSPIRE ME TO SUCCEED:Every time a publish a new book, or see a milestone in my sales, or any number of other accomplishments, I know how it was possible.I am inspired to show my daughters that working hard brings dividends worth working for. I want to show my husband that all those weekends away, and those evenings when I was getting through a tough scene make the difference.With my family in support of me I know that I have already succeeded because there is a group that, at the end of the day, believe in me no matter what a bad review might say.When I sit down to write a new book, I want it to reflect the hard work and sacrifice we have all put in. I want my daughters to say, “My mom is a Romance author.” And be proud.Their sacrifice helps to fuel my desire to become a profitable author, so I can repay those missed days with some vacations and nice dinners as a thank you, even though I am well aware none of them expect any of that. They just want me to be happy.MAKE SURE YOU FIND THE BLESSINGS IN LIFE:As February comes to a close and we get ready to roll into March (my least favorite month), I am reminded that all these things I have talked about all month, the things that inspire me, are too the things that help get me through the good and not so good days. These are all my blessings.I am not sitting here on the back of my gilded unicorn with rainbow glitter snot. I have lived my share of harsh times. I have worked through marriage issues, I have had two teen aged daughters at the same time, guaranteeing someone always hated me, regardless of the day or time, I was my mother’s care-giver for almost 10 years as she was wracked with dementia and then finally bone cancer. I left a profession I loved for 15 years because it had become an abusive environment for me. Life will suck the good out of you sometimes if you allow it to.But you know what I’ve learned? I’ve had 46 years on this rock to learn these things BTW. There will never be a perfect time. If you have someone in your life telling you go for it; telling you they will pick up the slack, and that they will be there when you need a shoulder to cry on. You are lucky enough.If you are able to have a hobby or a side-hustle you are working on and there are people there to help you and let you do you, then it is a blessing.When I go to be every night, I thank God (you can thank the universe, or Mickey Mouse no judgement here) for the people he has given me to support me and guide me, and sometimes carry me along the way. If you can find one person you are lucky enough.Who do you have that inspires you because of their support? Sign up for my newsletter and see what I’m up to in my writing and if I am having any giveaways or other fun things!-Clair
February 17, 2019
A Rising Tide Floats all Boats: The Friends You Choose Matter
Why You Need a Tribe:
We all need friends. We need friends in every social situation that we bee bop through every day. The human spirit and mind were created to interact with other humans. We crave it like some of us crave chocolate. If you remember when you went off to college, that lonely freshman who didn’t know anyone, found people. Like people find each other. As adults we have to seek out a group of people we relate to, inspire us, and that can keep us humble. But, my caveat’ is that you need to be selective.As we were growing up, we collected friend and accumulated as many as we could. The more friends we had the better. Today’s social media tells us the same thing. If we go viral after loading a post, we hear angels sing and bells ring. “They like me! They really like me!” I know I get a zing when I post a cute picture of my puppy and I get a good response. It feels good, but are all these people the ones who will help me become the person I am striving to become?No.You Must Be Selective Who You Allow in Your Circle:“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” -- Jim RohnWhen I talk about my friends, it is actually a small circle of people. I have never been one to open myself up to a ton of people. I will admit that I have been burned a few times and am very guarded about who I allow in. I have figured out over my many years on this planet, the people we choose to spend time with impacts our overall outlook on life, and thus influences our success.We all know the word influencers. Since social media has blossomed these are the people that the rest of us listen to. When choosing the people who will have the most access to all things you, take the time to consider your influencers. You want people who will love you, comfort you, and commiserate with you. You also need someone who will challenge you, your thinking about the world, and about what it is you are capable of.In my group of friends, I have a mixture of those. I have those friends that are ready and willing with a shovel handy and a bag of chips. Friends that 
will come to me when I’m licking my wounds from some career setback, bad review, or bad day telling me to suck it up buttercup, then ask me what I will do differently next time.You don’t want a tribe of 'yes men' following you around telling you, how fabulous you are or that you are a best seller even if you haven’t gotten the numbers yet. While that would make any of us feel all warm and gooey inside, it will not push us to strive for bigger and better.Set yourself up for Success:Writers are historically known for being introverts. We imagine them sitting in attics by candle light writing away with no social contact, to pound out that next book. I would argue however, that writers are the opposite. Hemingway did not sit in the Florida Keys, drinking whiskey, and contemplating his prose with his many cats. He had a band of other writers that he corresponded with and met with on a regular basis. One of them being C.C. Lewis. Most authors today have a very strong community of other writers on various online forums. How can we, the genre writers of our time, be able to capture the essence of what it is to be human if we avoid human contact? Sorry if I spoiled the illusion for you.So, go forth and find those people you can connect with. Find people who will challenge you, and you them. Find those people with high expectations of what you can accomplish. Yes, find a friend ready with a shovel and a bag of chips, but remember as you are accumulating this group are you ok with being the average of them all together? If a person is not the person you want to be. Keep them as an acquaintance but pass on being BFFs with them.What does your circle of friends bring to the table for you? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Visit me on my facebook page or sign up for mynewsletter.
We all need friends. We need friends in every social situation that we bee bop through every day. The human spirit and mind were created to interact with other humans. We crave it like some of us crave chocolate. If you remember when you went off to college, that lonely freshman who didn’t know anyone, found people. Like people find each other. As adults we have to seek out a group of people we relate to, inspire us, and that can keep us humble. But, my caveat’ is that you need to be selective.As we were growing up, we collected friend and accumulated as many as we could. The more friends we had the better. Today’s social media tells us the same thing. If we go viral after loading a post, we hear angels sing and bells ring. “They like me! They really like me!” I know I get a zing when I post a cute picture of my puppy and I get a good response. It feels good, but are all these people the ones who will help me become the person I am striving to become?No.You Must Be Selective Who You Allow in Your Circle:“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” -- Jim RohnWhen I talk about my friends, it is actually a small circle of people. I have never been one to open myself up to a ton of people. I will admit that I have been burned a few times and am very guarded about who I allow in. I have figured out over my many years on this planet, the people we choose to spend time with impacts our overall outlook on life, and thus influences our success.We all know the word influencers. Since social media has blossomed these are the people that the rest of us listen to. When choosing the people who will have the most access to all things you, take the time to consider your influencers. You want people who will love you, comfort you, and commiserate with you. You also need someone who will challenge you, your thinking about the world, and about what it is you are capable of.In my group of friends, I have a mixture of those. I have those friends that are ready and willing with a shovel handy and a bag of chips. Friends that will come to me when I’m licking my wounds from some career setback, bad review, or bad day telling me to suck it up buttercup, then ask me what I will do differently next time.You don’t want a tribe of 'yes men' following you around telling you, how fabulous you are or that you are a best seller even if you haven’t gotten the numbers yet. While that would make any of us feel all warm and gooey inside, it will not push us to strive for bigger and better.Set yourself up for Success:Writers are historically known for being introverts. We imagine them sitting in attics by candle light writing away with no social contact, to pound out that next book. I would argue however, that writers are the opposite. Hemingway did not sit in the Florida Keys, drinking whiskey, and contemplating his prose with his many cats. He had a band of other writers that he corresponded with and met with on a regular basis. One of them being C.C. Lewis. Most authors today have a very strong community of other writers on various online forums. How can we, the genre writers of our time, be able to capture the essence of what it is to be human if we avoid human contact? Sorry if I spoiled the illusion for you.So, go forth and find those people you can connect with. Find people who will challenge you, and you them. Find those people with high expectations of what you can accomplish. Yes, find a friend ready with a shovel and a bag of chips, but remember as you are accumulating this group are you ok with being the average of them all together? If a person is not the person you want to be. Keep them as an acquaintance but pass on being BFFs with them.What does your circle of friends bring to the table for you? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Visit me on my facebook page or sign up for mynewsletter.
