Rachel Peachey's Blog, page 3

Yikes! I would have spent how much on jam???

So many mundane expenses don’t even enter onto our radar until we add them up and think about them in terms of monthly or yearly expenses. Like so many who write about dropping a coffee habit and saving big bucks, I’ve come to that realization about many normal purchases. For instance, jam.

I grew up in a home where my parents (not just mom!) made preserves. Peaches, applesauce, sometimes tomato juice and pickles were staples that got canned each year. Sweet corn was gleaned, cooked and frozen. And of course freezer jam was made each year in June.

I hadn’t quite figured out how to manage preserves just yet in my life here in Guatemala. Part of it was because I was managing to survive on an itty bitty teeny weeny refrigerator that was literally a cube of about 2.5 ft squared. Don’t ask me how I survived on that for 7 years, we just made do.

Space to Freeze

Now I have a brand spanking new (HUGE) refrigerator, complete with a real freezer. The first thing my husband said was that it’s too big. Oh but I had plans for freezing. He has since been proven wrong, very wrong. I’ve frozen pureed squash, chicken and meat and made amazing refrigerator pickles. Additionally, I’ve made freezer jam.

My little peanut LOVES to eat strawberry jam. When he won’t eat anything else, he’ll say “Mama, can I have bread with jelly please?” If I would let him, I’m sure he would eat it for every meal.

It’s So Expensive!

But, I’ll be honest. The jelly and jam selection here is either disgusting or very expensive. At about $3 a jar for the good stuff, that I’d probably go through in about a week or week and a half, that’s $150 a year in jam. Yikes! However, by making it myself, I bring that number down to about $3 a month, or $36 a year. And, I have the added assurance of knowing what I put in my jam. Strawberries, jell-o and sugar. That’s it. Maybe one of these days I’ll get around to posting how I make it.

Why Is the First Instinct to Buy?

My point is, isn’t it ridiculous how we’ve been trained to buy even the simplest of products? Making jelly takes me about 15 minutes. It’s as complicated as rinsing the berries, stemming them, blending them, popping in a pot with dissolved jello, adding sugar and pouring it into a few plastic tubs. It’s easy peasy. I’m also making my own apple cider vinegar and have started making my own yogurt. Both of these are a fraction of the cost when home-made vs. store bought. And they’re better (and easy – otherwise I PROMISE I wouldn’t do it).

Each week I also usually bake bread, cookies, granola bars or muffins. The baked goods are a great treat and are healthier and tastier than other options available for purchase. I usually bake these as a side-note…I want to turn on the oven for a dinner and can’t bear the thought of all of that oven space going to waste. So, I whip up something quick and get the most out of my oven heat.

Now, we’re able to enjoy more, for less.  Sounds like the name of the cookbook in my kitchen “More with Less”.  But it’s true! I feel like I’m at the beginning of discovering so many more things to make and do on my own.

What’s your number one money-saver as a result of doing it yourself?

A Quiet Book for Aby

When Aby turned 1, I wanted to give her something special. So, I created a small quiet book for her. I wanted it to be simple, but also involve manipulation and textures for her to explore. What I came up with was an easy to fold book that my son also loves. Now they each have one quiet book to take along to church. They keep quite busy with these little books.

The book itself was quite simple to make. I used a pair of pants that I bought second hand, some other felt and cloth scraps I had on hand and a few buttons. I sewed most of it, but used a little bit of hot glue for the pocket on the back and for securing Aby’s name.

The cover is simple with a flower and Aby’s name.

The book opens up into one long panel, as you can see below. It folds over like a letter in 3 sections.

On the back of the book (behind the ocean scene) there’s a pocket where some of the fun movable pieces are kept.

For the first section, the section with flowers, I made a butterfly with jingle bells. The bells are purely for fun. Aby has fun shaking the butterfly and hearing the cheerful sound.  The butterfly can enjoy the flowers or hide in the grass.

In this same section, once she improves on her fine motor control, Aby will be able to remove the flowers and place them back on. This is great practice for learning to use buttons! For now, little Peanut is enjoying this feature.

The middle section is really quite simple, although I’d venture to say it’s Aby’s favorite. Hide and seek or peekaboo features for little ones are always fun. I used a broken bird pin that I had, of course I checked it for sharp edges first. The bright colors and novelty of a small metal piece intrigue Aby. I hide the bird and then she finds it.

Finally, the ocean section features seaweed, a star button and a few movable creatures: a turtle and two fish.

So, that’s Aby’s birthday quiet book! I had fun making it and hope you also enjoyed it.

 

Are You Undermining Yourself as a Parent?

“Peanut, time to stop watching videos!”

“No, not yet”

“Yes, finish that one and you’re done.”

A few minutes later…”Peanut, it’s done now, come on.”

It’s like the rumbling of a volcano that’s about to erupt and before I know it I’m grabbing the smartphone from the clutches of a furious green monster who also happens to be my little angel.

Most parents know this story. But, had I let him continue watching, I would be in much worse shape. He would always pull out the furious green monster on me, wondering if it would work to get anything he wants. Thankfully, that’s not the case.

How often are we convinced and manipulated by our kids’ whining insistence? I notice that it happens to a lot of parents and I’m guilty of it at times. When we do this, we undermine ourselves as parents. Giving in without undergoing a negotiation process means that our kids know our weak points and push outside the limits we’ve set for them. And they’re kids, they’ll keep pushing to find out where the boundaries are.

Don’t undermine yourself. Stick to your word. It will make each subsequent experience much, much easier! This doesn’t mean you have to have a totalitarian dictatorship in your home.

There’s a fine line between fair negotiations, where you take into account your child’s feelings and ideas, and permissiveness where you allow your child to run free with absolutely no boundaries. I personally think negotiating is great. It teaches communication and gives you a great opportunity to model empathy.

Here are some rules that help me walk the line between fair negotiations and permissiveness:

1. Ask Nicely

Kids can learn to ask for things nicely. If little Peanut doesn’t say “please” and use a reasonable tone of voice, there’s no negotiating. I do my best to speak respectfully to him, why shouldn’t I expect him to do the same with me? Of course, you have to be careful not to fall into the trap of saying “yes” to everything that’s requested nicely – it’s simply not possible. But, for the most part, “please” and a nice tone of voice can change my mind about coming to an agreement.

2. Is This Round 2?

Have Peanut and I already made an agreement? If so, I stick to it. In the example of watching videos, if we’ve agreed on one more, and after that one he wants to negotiate another one, it’s a no go. Holding my word is important to me – it makes things predictable and he knows that I mean what I say. Otherwise, he’ll constantly be second guessing. So, there’s only one round of negotiating for any request.

3. Is it Safe?

It’s easier to explain your answers when you have a good reason to support them.

“Can I have ice cream for breakfast?”

“No, it’s not good for your body to have only ice cream for breakfast. Let’s have some eggs and toast, and later we’ll have some ice cream.”

Although my 3-year-old may not appreciate it now, it will eventually sink in that health is important. Or,

“Can I watch movies all day?”

“No, it’s ok to watch videos sometimes, but it’s bad for your brain and body to do that all day.”

Rather than using my authoritarian “no,” I give him a real, grown-up reason. I think he deserves to know why I say “no,” even if it’s just “I don’t like it and it’s too loud for me right now.”

How do you balance between sticking to boundaries and taking your child’s feelings and needs into consideration?

My 2 Cents on Independence in Children

Most people talk about all of the wonderful benefits of independence in young children, focusing on their increased self-esteem, fine motor control and sense of responsibility. But there are two sides to this one. The more your kids can do on their own, the better it is for you.

Every mother (and father) has been caught in a situation where two children need her attention at once. And sometimes, one’s screaming for a cup of water while the other one has a more serious emergency, resulting in your hands being wrist-deep in doo-doo. Not very sanitary for getting that cup of water for a while anyway. Unless…your older child can get the water. All by herself.

We ended up with some easy solutions around our house that have saved me from a meltdown more than once. Some of these solutions were intentional, and others have been purely accidental.

Self Serve:

The water for instance. I have a big basket where I stick re-usable plastics like little yogurt cups, cream cheese tubs, old water bottles, you know. It just so happens to be sitting right next to our water filter, which is basically a 5 gallon bucket with a plastic spigot. My son has really taken to grabbing a yogurt cup and getting water on his own. He used to be too small to reach, but just at the age where he no longer thinks its funny to throw water everywhere – oh who am I kidding, he still enjoys that sometimes – he had become just tall enough to be able to get water on his own. This was also conveniently at about the same time my daughter was born. One less thing for us to do for our son. Score!

Wash on Your Own:

Our sink is another example. We use an easy step stool for our son to be able to access the sink and get water to wash up when he needs to. It’s so nice to know that he can take care of all of his bathroom and hand-washing needs on his own without our help.

Arts and Crafts

When little peanut wants to color, cut or draw, he doesn’t need to ask for help. All of his art supplies are at his level, ready to be used. He knows where he can color and how to use the scissors on his own. When he’s finished, that brings me to 4…

Clean Up

I’m a firm believer in kids cleaning up after themselves without making a fuss. Accidents happen. Paints and juice spill, crumbs get dropped on the floor…no biggy. So when little peanut cuts up paper into tiny pieces all over the floor, he knows where to find a small broom and dustpan so that he can sweep up on his own. We keep a few rags and towels hanging on our oven door so that he can grab them to clean up spills.

So yes, he’s developing great skills – and setting a stellar example for his little sister, but he’s also helping us out. We’re always there to step in if there’s something he can’t handle, but it sure takes a load off our backs knowing he can handle so many things on his own. This is by no means an exhaustive list – there are many more things that little peanut can do all by himself. And I’m so glad he can, for his sake, and mine!

photo credit: NickNguyen Wash those hands! via Photopin License

Me Time

I’ve been staring at my old running shoes for a few months now, but I must confess:  they were being mean to me ok? They were  making fun of me.  They said things like “You don’t have time to run” and “Keep sleeping lazy lady” and stuff like that.  Can you believe it?

Then, they laughed even harder when my husband would put them on to walk around town and run errands.  “Hahaha,” they said. “See if you’ll ever wear us again.”

You see, I had intentions of setting them straight and putting them on and heading out for a jog – even a 15 minute one, but I let them get the best of me.

I kept excusing myself every time my 1 year old would have a cold or a rough night, thinking, tomorrow morning I’ll go for a run.  I even tried skipping an afternoon shower thinking that it would give me incentive to run, and then shower the next morning.  I got a little grubby for a day or two, but never made it out.

But, I have news for you.  I’ve kicked those running shoes into submission and last week I took them out for a short run.  And then I did it again this morning.

And you know what?

It’s true what they say about taking a little bit of time for yourself and exercising.  It puts you in a better mood than a huge bar of dark chocolate.  Ok, maybe it only rivals that, but it’s pretty stinking good.

So, if you want to improve your mood, and through that your parenting, and your productivity too…and it just improves everything really…then take time for you.  I encourage every parent to carve out this golden time.

I call it my “me time.”

It restores my sense of self as a person apart from my titles of mother and wife. There’s no one tugging at me or asking for anything.  I’m not working, and I’m not cooking. I’m just doing something I enjoy. Even 30 minutes a few mornings a week is enough to make a difference.  It might take a bit for you to get going – but once you do, you’ll have started something you won’t want to stop.  I know I don’t.

 

 

What We Did for Fun Last Night

by Rachel Peachey

One of my weaknesses is arts and crafts.  I enjoy the process of creation and making something fun. So, I do what every good mother does.  I force it upon my kids.  Just kidding – it’s not quite like that.  But, it’s a point of connection that we do enjoy together.  Lately, whenever I’m feeling disconnected, or like we need some quality mama-son time, I wrack my brains for something fun to create together.

My little peanut is three and a half and quite taken, okay, OBSESSED, with dinosaurs, lizards, snakes and all reptiles existing or extinct.  So, we’ve collected quite a bunch of small model toys, dinosaur bone puzzles and models and all sorts of creatures that can be found all around the house.  Sometimes I find a little dinosaur in the pila (our big concrete sink) and other times, I’ll admit, I step on them.  Ouch!  My poor sister in law got a scare the other day because she found a quite realistic rubber snake on the bed  when she was here looking after the kids.

So, I decided to do a two for one. We’d keep our house slightly more organized and create a play space by making “homes” for these animals. First, we made a home complete with two volcanoes, and a standing tree for “Big Dinosaur Bones”.  Peanut had quite a fun time helping to color and enthusiastically scribbled fire all over the sky.  Very cool.  That was a few nights ago.

Last night, we made a smaller space for a bunch of homeless reptiles.  Peanut wanted them to have a swimming pool.  So, we cut off the bottom of a carton of orange juice.  We discovered, much to our delight, that we could color on it with crayons – so we drew some fish and colored it blue for the water.  The reptiles have been alternating between bathing and drying in the sun since then!  Who knew our little crafting activity would turn into a lesson about how cold-blooded animals live?

I love these open-ended crafting projects because there’s always something to be learned.  If nothing else, little Peanut works on his fine motor skills and we have a great time connecting together.  As a stay at home working mom, sometimes I worry that he’ll always think of me typing away on the computer, rushing to meet a deadline.  I am pretty good about keeping my evenings open – but having a special mama-son project always makes these times even more precious.

What did you do for fun last night?

 

The Online Parenting Advice Mill – Jump On or Hop Off?

by Rachel Peachey

I’m always intrigued by parenting blogs. All of those titles and quizzes that promise to tell me if I’m a “cool” mom or not grab me. I know I’ll be had – obviously my entire worth as a mother can’t be condensed into a 5 minute test. Yet, curiosity often gets the best of me.  I think part of it is a procrastination strategy and part of it is wondering what “cool” moms do.  Would the author think I’m cool?

I read a blog once, if I remembered who or where I would love to give her credit, but it really struck me.  It said something about how it used to be that moms (and dads) used to think we did a pretty good job as parents.  In years past, moms would ask their moms for advice about parenting and all that it entails. Before pulling up google to find a potty-training schedule or tantrum solution, they’d run to their offspring’s grandmother to get the down low on how to handle any number of situations.

So, I let that sit with me for a bit.  It’s an interesting point – when did we lose confidence in our family’s knowledge that’s been passed down for generations and decide to turn to any stranger online to give us advice about our families?

Living in Guatemala, I get a unique perspective.  Here, there isn’t as much access to technology and the average mom doesn’t look up every anxiety causing parent issue online.  There seems to be less anxiety about parenting at all, actually, because most people assume they’re doing alright.  On the other hand, I have gotten a greater understanding for why moms may have stopped trusting their mothers as the dispensers of parental wisdom.

I have received plenty of helpful and useful advice about parenting from my husband’s family and particularly from my mother in law.  She helped me learn to carry my baby in a reboso, walked me through my first breastfeeding session, even gave me advice about child birth, directed me on the best foods to feed my son first and much more.  All of that worked out great.  Yet, there are some other pieces of advice I thought about twice before implementing.

For example, many people here believe you should give babies who are starting solids a spoonful of olive oil every 2 or 3 days (to make sure nothing gets stuck in their intestines). Ok, probably not really harmful, but kind of strange.  Mothers must also wrap their abdomen for 30 days after giving birth.  Another common practice is to wrap the baby in 2 or more blankets, even in the midday sun.  Oh – and don’t think about holding your newborn in a vertical position. Their soft-spot will sink irreparably (unless you suck it back out with your mouth) and cause damage.  The baby must be 3 months old before this is safe.

This is the sort of advice that makes me think – well, yes, if my mother were giving me this sort of advice, I’d want to find some other sources to learn about parenting.  It’s clear that by searching out advice online, mothers are only looking out for their children’s best interest.  We look because we care.

Can we over-care?

I think we can.  Our own lack of confidence is harmful for ourselves and children.  A reasonable amount of research can provide helpful insights into our children, their behaviors, their development and their needs.  But, a critical eye is needed and some limits must be set. Reading about other mom’s experiences is valuable and provides us with a wonderful connection, a feeling that “I’m not the only one!” But, our kids are different.  What worked for other moms might not be best for my kids.  We live in different places, come from different backgrounds and have different needs.

When I get drawn into blogs and articles about parenting, I try to take the advice and suggestions with a grain of salt.  I take what I think might work and leave the rest.  Sometimes I look for research and science, sometimes I look for a way to follow instincts.  And, I’ve learned to give myself some credit and have confidence in myself as a mother.  We beat ourselves up too much.  In reality, we’re probably all doing a great job.

Oh – and every now and then I bounce ideas off my own mom.  After all, she is also an expert even if she doesn’t have a blog.

 

 

 

Library Fun

by Rachel Peachey

I woke up feeling a bit under the weather.  There’s a persistent sore throat going around in our family that none of us seem to be able to kick completely.  However, off to the library I went, hoping to be energized by the group of young people.  It worked!  Kids are full of everything us adults need.  It was like a therapy session!  Laughter, excitement and just general happiness from the kids had me feeling better in no time.

Today, we practiced synonyms.  The kids tried to think of synonyms for some fairly normal, unexciting, blah words like big, small, nice, shoes etc.  Then, they each wrote a quick short story.  Next, I had them work in partners, exchanging their stories and each looking for at least 3 words to change out for a synonym.  They had fun tweaking each other’s stories – changing emotions of characters from “angry” to “furious” and the mention of a “bird” to a “parrot.”  Cool!

Then, we got busy reading and the children spent time reading independently.  The kids each keep track of the books they read on their very own reading log.  They are very motivated and love writing down each title of each book they’ve finished.

We finished off the morning playing a game all together in the patio of the church.  What a lovely morning.  It was much better than spending the morning moping in bed!