Romi Neustadt's Blog

MAJOR #MOMTRUTH COMING TO YOU

People frequently say to me that my life looks perfect, followed by them offering an imperfection in their lives that points to why they can’t achieve their dreams and goals. I tell them that I’m not striving for perfection because it’s unattainable, and that everyone—and I mean everyone—deals with stuff. In our carefully curated world of social media, it’s easy for us to think someone’s got it all together, and feel bad about why we don’t. I hope I do a good job at showing the good and the challenging and the messy, but since I’m a work-in-progress, I’ll work on doing better.

Since so many of us fall into the comparison trap game, and so many parents out there are struggling with their kids, I wanted to share what’s been going on behind the pictures and the posts. I hope it helps you.

As I’m sure anyone with kids knows, it's nearly impossible to keep the peace in your home 24/7. Ok, let’s be real - sometimes it’s unrealistic to maintain any level of peace for even a few minutes at a time. The occasional (or, more likely, not so occasional) argument is going to occur, with siblings bickering over everything from chores to books to the fact that someone is breathing.

Those of you who really know me and our family know that the last few years have been really effing hard because our kids haven’t gotten along. At all.

This has been because our amazing force of nature daughter has had a few years of struggle. Maybe you know the type: defensive, argumentative, nasty, obstinate, dismissive, mouthy and—like many of us—getting in her own way in all parts of her life. And then we went to Israel.

Something magical happened on our family trip. On the flight over while Nate was sleeping, Bebe went over and kissed the top of his head. (Cue shocking yet hopeful music.) Throughout the trip, they talked, laughed, played and Nate began to trust her again. Our usual power struggles were replaced by deep convos and silly fun. John and I chalked it up to a dream vacation and vowed to savor every second while it lasted.

And last it did, all the way home to San Diego.

Bebe has blossomed into the girl we always knew she was on the inside: powerful and kind, collaborative, helpful and empathetic. And she now wants to connect and understand more than she wants to be right. Was it the experiences on this trip? Turning 10? Months of an amazing therapist? Her school that’s been all in on helping her be her best self?

When we asked her what made the difference Bebe said, “I just became me.”

So to all the parents out there struggling and sad and not knowing if things will change, keep the faith. Keep doing what you know is right, get the help you need because there’s no shame in that. And to all my friends who have listened, commiserated and comforted me with your own battle stories and without judgement, thank you. I’m so grateful.

I asked Bebe if it was ok if I shared about this journey and her triumphant evolution to help other parents and she said yes. “And not just for the parents,” she added. “Maybe it will help other kids too.”

My girl. She’s finally here.
XO
Romi

Are you going through a similar challenge in your household? Maybe it’s between your children or maybe it’s between you and your PARTNER? Remember, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and it makes you no different than the rest of us out here working toward our goals in spite of the challenges. have advice to give? leave a comment below to share your wisdom with the #livefullout family.

6 TIPS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WORKING FROM HOME

Here’s a No-BS list of the things that you may not know are important when you work from home, but they are. 1)  YOU’VE GOT TO LEARN TO SPARK CONVERSATIONS

Gone are the days of grabbing lunch with your colleagues between meetings or breaking up your day with friendly office chatter in the coffee room. Your dogs are now your human resources department, and they’re pretty damn quiet. So the mail man, that lady standing in front of you at the grocery store...they’re all your new friends. Spark conversations everywhere you can, not just to keep yourself sane, but because you never know whether the next person you meet could hold the key to an exciting new adventure. Or in my biz, a super fun, collaborative and lucrative new profit center.

2)  THE WORK-FROM-HOME 15

Wait, what? Yes, this can be a thing. For me it was actually 10, but I’m practically a midget, so it’s like 15 on most people. You go from running around all day (sometimes in very high heels) to a life that includes yoga pants (that many days never actually make it to yoga) and a more sedentary lifestyle that lives next to your kitchen. Friends, please take my advice and incorporate exercise and activity into your day. Take breaks to walk around the block, work standing up, walk around when you’re on the phone. Move your ass and exercise, even in the middle of the day, because now that you’re the boss you can and must! Stock your kitchen with healthy plant-based snacks. And get dressed in clothes that don’t have an elastic waist and forgiving lycra at least a few times a week.

3)  YOU WORK MORE WHEN YOU’RE YOUR OWN BOSS

You may have decided to become your own boss because you crave more time with your kids, to travel more, hang with those friends you haven’t seen in ages and chase your dreams. Here’s the reality: building even a small empire may not leave you a ton of free time at the beginning, or even the middle. And let’s face it, we entrepreneurs carry an extra chromosome of hustle that predisposes us to become a workaholic. If you’re like me, you’d rather work 80 hours for yourself than 40 for someone else. It’s tricky to maintain some semblance of work/life balance, which is why it’s essential you set up a strict schedule of when you’re gonna work and when you’re gonna play. Making sure you’re doing the hard stuff first, because it’s the most important and critical to the growth of said empire. I’m sooo passionate about this topic there will be lots more coming from me on this, so stay tuned.  

4)  “SO, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DO?” AND OTHER Q’s TO HAVE A’s FOR

You’re going to get a lot of questions, so perfect that elevator pitch. Whatever you need to do to feel prepared to confidently answer questions about what you do, why you’re passionate about it and why the person you’re talking to should care. Maybe you used to answer these questions with a fancy title or acronym that was created to sound uber-impressive (or at the very least something everyone readily recognizes). But now you’re finding yourself trying to explain or defend your career veer to your gynecologist while she’s doing your annual check. You’ve become someone who now speaks in paragraphs to explain what the hell your dreams are and how competent you are at chasing them. You gotta do better than that because that will lose people, or at the very least bore them. Instead, get really clear on your short explanation of what you do and why, no defending required. And remember, even your dentist and your cousin Judy are still works-in-progress and trying to figure things out. So own your truth and be proud of the dream chaser you are.

5)  YOU’LL WANT TO QUIT (MORE THAN A FEW TIMES)

Somewhere along the way (and perhaps it’s already happened three times today), you’re going to question everything: your gig, your dreams, your career change, almond vs. oat milk in this morning’s latte. Heck, you may find yourself lying in a pile of tears alone on that hill of laundry you haven’t had the energy to fold and put away and think that you don’t have the courage to go on. You may even daydream of working at your local boutique until you snap out out of it and remember that you’ve come this far to do what you love. And guess what? YOU’RE DOING IT! So quit for ten minutes, grab some tea or a power walk and get back at it. You can quit again tomorrow.

6) IT’S ALL SO TOTALLY WORTH IT

You, my friend, are so brave. You tapped into your guts and gusto to do what makes you happy. You need to be your own cheerleader on the tough days. You need to surround yourself with a tribe of like-minded entrepreneurs who can encourage you on the days you feel like giving up. You need to fill your own cup with healthy food, sleep, exercise and positive messages constantly going into your noggin. Designing a life you love isn’t for the faint of heart, but you’re making it happen and you’re doing a pretty damn good job at it. Bravo!

XO
Romi

TOP 3 TIPS FOR RUNNING (AND EVEN WINNING) THE ENTREPRENEURIAL MARATHON

My doctor hubby has done so much to help me and members of my team run the entrepreneurial marathon that I asked him to share his top tips for simple health wins. Hope you enjoy them and put them into practice!

XO, Romi

Dr. John Neustadt

Trying to build your business dreams while also living full out in the rest of your life is a difficult balancing act, and too often we put ourselves and our health on the bottom of the to-do list. When we do, it costs us productivity and the emotional strength and resilience to make good decisions and conquer challenges. I don’t just know this from hearing the tales of woe from my patients and being a voracious reader of business autobiographies. I know because my wife Romi and I have lived it.

We know how easy it is for entrepreneurs and parents to get over-scheduled and overwhelmed trying to juggle the business side of our lives and the never-ending demands in our personal lives. We also know how often our personal health and well-being can end up at the very end of our long to-do lists.

But it doesn’t have to be this way, and if you want success, you have to move you up on your list. Building a business is a marathon (and so is life), and I know that the only way to finish strong—and even win—is if each of us takes good care of our health.

Here’s the inescapable truth: no matter what you want to accomplish in your life—growing a business, getting ahead at work, being an amazing life partner and parent, coaching your kids’ sports teams, volunteering in your community—you will always do better and enjoy it more, when you’re as healthy as possible. You can’t show up–feeling and performing your best–if you’re not taking care of yourself first.

When I’m coaching entrepreneurs, I often hear how exhausted and frazzled they are. Many feel like they’re slogging through their days with low energy and brain fog. They struggle with their sleep, have no energy and their stress levels are through the roof. They don’t love what they see in the mirror, but they don’t know how to get a handle on things. They complain of being irritable, moody and simply not bringing the best parts of themselves to everything they do.

Running the entrepreneurial marathon isn’t about the size of your business or your bank account. It’s about enjoying the journey and your life more as you build. You deserve to feel great. And it’s possible, even while playing full out in the demanding sport of entrepreneurship.

Yes, it takes some changes, but you don’t have to turn your life upside down to do it or feel like you’re taking on another full-time job. All I ask is that you follow my top three health tips, and you’ll quickly notice how much better you feel. And I’m warning you, you also might experience the added side effect of enjoying your life more too.

1. Get Your Zzzz’s

Research has shown—and anybody who hasn’t slept well can tell you—that when you aren’t getting enough sleep, you’re dragging through your day. It makes it hard to recall information and can cause depression. It decreases cognitive performance, making it hard to recall information and make decisions. It can also make you irritable and less lovely to work with. Plus, when you’re physically tired, it makes an otherwise doable schedule seem impossible.

When we’re sleep deprived, we’re also more likely to grab unhealthy snacks like chips and baked goods in a misguided attempt to boost our serotonin levels that a good night of zzzz’s would have replenished. Chronic sleep deprivation also increases our risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart attack and stroke.

Getting the sleep you need is about adopting good sleep hygiene. This simply means creating the best environment for sleep.

Note: this is not where John sleeps, unless he’s in the dog house.

First, commit to consistently getting eight hours of sleep a night. If your body needs less to function optimally, over time you’ll naturally wake up before your alarm as your body tells you your perfect amount. I can hear you lamenting, “I can’t get more sleep, I have too much to do!” But I’ve learned from working with thousands of people on their sleep habits that you’ll actually get more done during the day if you get more sleep. And stay plugged into what my wife is putting out there. She’s not only helped herself but tens of thousands of others figure out what to cut out of your life to make more room for the things that are really important to you.

Second, stop using technology at least an hour before bed. Research published by the National Academy of Sciences showed that reading on your phone or tablet can prevent you from falling asleep. The study showed that people who used technology before bed needed at least an extra 10 minutes to nod off. But that’s not the worst of it. The next morning they were sleepier and it took them hours longer to fully wake up and attain the same level of alertness, compared to people who read good old fashioned print books before bed.

Too many of us are on our screens up until the last minute we turn off the light. Is that worth taking hours longer to feel alert and awake in the morning? I encourage you to get off off your phone an hour before bed. If you want to learn more about the importance of balancing your use of technology, read my blog on Three Ways Smartphones are Ruining Your Sleep and Relationships.

Third, go to bed at about the same time every night. Fitbit did a study of six-billion data points generated by its customers, the largest data analysis in the history of sleep science. They discovered that going to bed at the same time every night is the biggest predictor of good sleep. Turning in at inconsistent times during the week induces “social jetlag.” It’s as if you’ve traveled to a different time zone and you’ve got real jetlag– making it harder to sleep.

I’ve had patients and coaching clients argue that staying up to work after the kids go to bed is the most productive or the only quiet time during the day they feel like they have for themselves. Either way, making sleep a priority and going to bed at about the same time every night sets your internal body clock and establishes a rhythm that your body needs.

Commit to these simple tweaks for a month and see what a difference it makes.

I fully appreciate that sometimes people need a little extra help getting a great night’s sleep, even if they’re practicing sleep hygiene. I was one of them. If you have a dietary supplement that helps you, be diligent about taking it. If you don’t, try Sleep Relief, a product I formulated specifically for busy people who want a great night’s sleep, but don’t want to wake up feeling groggy and hungover. Sleep Relief’s biphasic, time-release delivery system is a breakthrough in sleep technology that delvers its proprietary formula throughout the night to help you fall asleep, stay asleep and wake refreshed. If you want to try it and you live in the US, I want to send you a free bottle with free shipping while supplies last (enter code ROMI during checkout). And of course, if you're having other issues with sleep that you think might point to underlying health or emotional issues, go see your health care or mental health provider to discuss your concerns.

2. Fuel Your Body

Photo by cleaneatsbytay

Another essential daily practice is fueling your body with healthy nutrition. Food provides the raw materials for our body and brains to function. This isn't complicated, and the research is crystal clear–a whole foods diet is the way to go.

People often ask me what I regularly put in my mouth and how my family eats. In my clinical practice and lecturing, I’ve helped thousands of people learn my simple system for revamping their eating to a dietary pattern that promotes health. With every bite of food, you’re either promoting health or you’re feeding disease. 

More than 60 years of research have shown unambiguously that the Mediterranean Dietary Pattern reduces the risk of obesity, diabetes, cancer, death from cancer, heart disease, osteoporosis, Alzheimer disease and all-cause mortality. This dietary pattern is essentially the opposite of the toxic and disease-creating Standard American Diet.

This way of eating isn’t a fad diet. It’s a lifestyle—for your whole life. It’s about feeding your body nutritious, wholesome food so you and your family can feel and look your best. When you’re eating healthy, you don’t need to diet and you don’t need to count calories. When you give your body the nutritious food it needs to thrive, you have more energy, vitality and your body can cope with all kinds of stress better.

The way my family eats and what I coach others to eat is a whole foods diet with the majority coming from fruits and vegetables, whole grains (not the refined stuff overtaking people’s pantries) and legumes, nuts and seeds. Small amounts of animals such as sustainable, low-mercury fish, grass-fed and finished beef, and organic eggs and dairy products.  At its core, it simply focuses on plants and protein. We avoid refined sugar, trans fats and heavily processed foods. We eat a rainbow a day, the kids included. And when we don’t, we all feel it, the kids included. And yes, Romi and I drink celery juice every day and have been since before it became wildly popular all over social media. Here’s a short video I did if you want to know why.

I challenge you to commit to making these changes over the next 30 days and have fun with it. It may seem daunting or cruel deprivation at first, but I promise that you’ll start craving the things that are actually good for you and hate how you feel when you try fueling yourself with the bad stuff.

3. Move to Improve

Our bodies were built to move. Movement increases oxygen delivery and nutrients to your brain so you can think more clearly, be more alert and present in your life. It improves your mood by releasing mood-elevating hormones. It’s an amazing stress-buster. As Romi has said, “Exercise is my Prozac.”

Trust me, you’ll feel better and perform better if you move your booty and the rest of your bod. And it’s undeniable that exercise reduces diseases like osteoporosis, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and dementia. If all that weren’t enough to get you moving more, when you’re healthier and stronger, sex is better, too. 

But you may be thinking, “who the heck has time for exercise when we’re juggling so much?” You do. Sure, you can go to a gym every day if that’s your jam, but you don’t have do. There are simple exercises and routines you can work into your day that will have exponential benefits and impact.

1.     Take a stand. If you’re sitting, stand up. Working standing up can burn more calories and strengthen your leg and core muscles. And if there’s anything you can do while walking around­–do it. I always walk around on business calls unless I have to be looking closely at a document.

2.     Use your workspace as a gym. I started doing this routine on those days when my patient load was crazy busy, and I knew I wouldn’t have time for a workout before I had to put on my dad hat. Grab the arms of your chair or put the palms of your hand on the edge of the seat and do some triceps dips. (If your chair is on rollers, obviously lock those babies down.) Then drop to the floor to do some pushups, flip over and plank for 30 to 60 seconds. Finally, do a set of squats by placing your feet shoulder width apart and squat way down (like you’re going to the bathroom), then stand back up. Viola! Instant workout. Add more reps and time to your plank with every passing week.

3.     Make stairs one of your BFFs. If you’ve got stairs, you can work your legs and get in some good cardio by briskly walking up and down the stairs ten times instead of a coffee and pastry break. And take stairs every possible chance in your life to extend your life.

When we break up our exercise into bite-size pieces, it makes it easier to do. No need to get in the car and drive somewhere to sweat. No need to stop working for long stretches of time to work out. All of these short exercises increase your circulation and send more nutrient-rich blood to your brain, making you more alert and engaged.

If you have a larger chunk of time you want to dedicate to exercise, say 20 minutes, there are some great ways to use that time. Take a brisk walk. Add some stair climbing to your walk for an even more challenging workout. Twenty minutes of yoga can work your brain and body at the same time. New to yoga? No problem. Check out the myriad of apps or browse Amazon Prime, where there are on-demand yoga classes for any level and style. Research shows that you don’t have to do all 20 minutes at once to get the health benefits. You could even break it out into two 10-minute blocks if that fits better into your schedule.

Again, commit to 30 days of incorporating more movement into your life, and take note of the difference. Plus, research from the Journal of Sleep Research shows that moving more throughout the day leads to better sleep, so you can see how this all works together.

Make this the year you take simple steps to make YOU a priority to see greater gains in all parts of your life!

References

Ayas NT, White DP, Al-Delaimy WK, Manson JE, Stampfer MJ, Speizer FE, Patel S, Hu FB. A prospective study of self-reported sleep duration and incident diabetes in women. Diabetes Care 2003;26:380–384. [Article]

 Chang AM, Aeschbach D, Duffy JF, Czeisler CA. Evening use of light-emitting eReaders negatively affects sleep, circadian timing, and next-morning alertness. Proc Natl Acad Sci USA.2015;112(4):1232-1237. [Article]

Dzierzewski JM, Buman MP, Giacobbi PR, Jr., et al. Exercise and sleep in community-dwelling older adults: evidence for a reciprocal relationship. J Sleep Res. 2014;23(1):61-68. [Article]

Gangwisch JE, Heymsfield SB, Boden-Albala B, Buijs RM, Kreier F, Pickering TG, Rundle AG, Zammit GK, Malaspina D. Short sleep duration as a risk factor for hypertension: analyses of the First National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey. Hypertension 2006;47:833–839. [Article]

Koseck, D. How Much Sleep Do Fitbit Users Really Get? A New Study Finds Out. Fitbit News. June 29, 2017. Accessed April 30, 2018. [Blog]

Pogue, D. Exclusive: What Fitbit’s 6 billion nights of sleep data reveals about us. Yahoo Finance. January 4, 2018. Accessed April 30, 2018. [Article]

Troxel WM. It’s more than sex: exploring the dyadic nature of sleep and implications for health. Psychosom Med. 2010;72(6):578-586. [Article] 

Vgontzas AN, Liao D, Pejovic S, et al. Insomnia with short sleep duration and mortality: the Penn State cohort.Sleep.2010;33(9):1159-1164. [Article]

 Watanabe M, Kikuchi H, Tanaka K, Takahashi M. Association of short sleep duration with weight gain and obesity at 1-year follow-up: a large-scale prospective study. Sleep 2010;33:161–167. [Article]

WHAT'S YOUR #ONEWORD FOR 2019?

For the past 6 years—long before it was a “thing” all over the place with bracelets and Today Show coverage—I’ve been choosing my ONE WORD for the year and asking all of you to do it with me.

I happened upon the concept in a random article I read in December of 2013. It was one of those times when something finds you at exactly the right time. I was looking for a way to kick off the New Year with focus and intention. I had long since come to believe that resolutions weren’t the ticket. I knew I wasn’t alone in having a pile of neglected disappointments and failures every year by around mid-February. Like so many of you, I was overwhelmed and overloaded, trying to grow what would turn into an 8-figure business, I was raising two little kids, trying to be a good wife and still have time for showers and work outs and sanity. I knew that if I didn’t create a way for me to know where to focus my time, attention, energy and emotions—and where not to—I was never going to be able to run this marathon. And even if I crossed the metaphorical finish line, I’d be so exhausted and sick and stressed and unfulfilled that it would render my success irrelevant. So when this concept of choosing ONE WORD to anchor my year found me, it gave me a starting point for how I could get more focused with my life.

Thankfully I was also savvy enough about my challenges and women all over just like me, to understand that simply declaring ONE WORD wouldn’t be enough. I knew that without establishing priorities for the coming year, how could anyone know where to spend her time? To say Yes to what really mattered, No to what didn’t, and the permission to stop Should’ing all over the place.

So as I ushered in 2014, I developed a practice that I’ve been following ever since, and I’ve been inviting all of you to do it with me. I’ve received countless texts, emails, voicemails, blog comments and handwritten notes over the years, sharing how much this process dramatically and beneficially impacted people’s lives. And now we get to do it again, together.

Here’s how it works. We each figure out the ONE WORD that encapsulates our intention for the next year. What we hope to work on, experience, accomplish, give and receive. It’s your guidepost, your mantra, becoming a part of you and your being throughout the next 12 months. And it’s not what you think it should be. Your ONE WORD must speak to your heart, your soul. Sounds pretty heavy, I know, but only you can determine what it is, because only you know what you truly want.

It’s important for you to understand that this ONE WORD exercise is so much more than a declaration. It’s a process. Once we figure out our ONE WORD, from there we can establish our Priorities that serve that word, and then set our Goals that serve our Priorities. I’m not talking about a habit you’re trying to start or break, like many resolutions. This process establishes our intention for the year, the focus from which everything else flows—our thinking, our decisions, our actions, our day-to-day living. 

Every year tens of thousands of team members join me, but only a small fraction do the entire process. And I’ve heard from enough people to know that the likelihood that you’ll live in service to your ONE WORD—that you’ll grow in all parts of your life—is significantly reduced if you don’t do the whole thing—if you don’t establish your Priorities and set your Goals. Remember, simply declaring ONE WORD, posting about it on Instagram and Facebook and even sporting a hip metal washer bracelet isn’t going to enhance or change your life. Like everything else that’s worthwhile, it’s going to take digging deep, doing the work and being ruthlessly honest with yourself. Please do the work. If you do and get nothing out of it, you don’t have to do it next year. But what if it transforms the way you think, work, play, love and live? Would it be worth it?

If you don’t know what you really want this year this is the perfect opportunity to give yourself permission to be selfish (instead of selfless) and figure it out. If you’re having a hard time hearing what I like to call your Heart Voice—whether it’s to determine your ONE WORD or anytime throughout the year to stay true to you—I implore you to make sure to find stillness at some point in every day. It can be as little as 5 minutes, but it’s just you and your breathing. No screens or scrolling, no to-do lists, no multi-tasking. On any given day I find it through yoga or meditation or the Headspace App or sitting quietly in our backyard and observe nature and our dogs. The monkey mind quiets, the critics are silenced, and that’s when my Heart Voice can get through. So get still and clear your mind. I promise you, your heart is trying to tell you something. And that’s where you’ll find your ONE WORD that captures your intention for your life this year.

As for my ONE WORD this year, I fought what my heart was telling me for a while because I thought it was too obvious. Too copy-cattish, if you will. But I kept coming back to it. I was doubting it because of what others might think of my choice. Sound familiar? How many times do we all do this when making choices for our lives? But this is my year, my ONE WORD, and I know what’s true for me right now. BECOMING. Yep, Michelle Obama, #IAmBecoming too.

I read (or rather listened to) the former First Lady’s book; it was my favorite of the year. And no matter where you fall on the political spectrum, whether you were in favor of her husband’s policies or her initiatives, or what you thought you knew about this woman, I encourage you to read it. And not because she spends considerable time singing the praises of the town that raised me, Butte, Montana. But because you can’t help but be inspired, to understand more about America and to understand more about yourself.

The biggest takeaway from her autobiography is that throughout our lives, we’re constantly evolving, and growing. We have the gift of continually editing and rewriting the narrative of our lives by taking chances, reinventing ourselves, daring to dream bigger and wanting more for us and others. I identified so much with Michelle’s story. Not because I was born a black girl on the Southside of Chicago. But because I, too, used to be detail-oriented, check-the-box kind of achiever, who spent most of my 20s and 30s craving control, worrying about what others thought of me and letting too many should’s eat up my time. The most rewarding, successful and fulfilling part of my life happened when I figured out who I really am and what I really want, and when I gave myself permission to be my most authentic self—including my shortcomings, idiosyncrasies and imperfections. And like Michelle, it took a slightly odd, marches-to-his-own drummer, intellectual kind of guy who was drawn to a higher purpose to soften my corners, relax my rigidity and extend the deadlines on my to-do lists. 

But here’s the thing, once you discover who you are and what you want and give yourself permission to be unapologetically authentic, you’re not done. You’re never done. Because life is an endless opportunity to keep discovering You and what you’re here to do.

This last year was a challenging one for me. Health struggles with a debilitating flare up of the Epstein Barre Virus, projects that had to wait because I only had so much energy, and business challenges that I had no control over. When my EBV got so bad that I was bedridden for weeks, I had to make my health my number one priority to heal. I had to let go of some goals and put a different deadline on others. But once again I learned that everything happens for a reason, and to TRUST (my ONE WORD last year) that life works out if we pay close attention to our Heart Voice and the opportunities to learn and grow being placed in front of us.

Even with the delays and deletions, I still found myself closing 2018 grounded, healthy, having more Mom Wins than losses, having served thousands of people in the best way I could, and celebrating a lifelong dream—inking a huge book deal with a publisher who works with best-selling authors I deeply admire. I learned that no matter what comes at us—the things in our control and out of it—the one thing we undeniably own is how we respond. What’s the story we tell ourselves about what’s happening and how we’re going to get through it and what it’s teaching us. I learned so much about myself in the last year because I was forced to slow down. I took big strides forward in BECOMING more of the person I was meant to be. I ruthlessly, blessedly edited where I spend my time and what I’ll tolerate, accepting where I add value and where I don’t. And it felt so good. And made me healthier. And, I believe, made me even more effective as a parent, a wife, an entrepreneur, a leader and a writer who’s trying to create another tool to help others #livefullout. 

I was reminded, once again, that it’s far more effective and satisfying to focus on the critical few things that really matter to us, versus foolishly attempting to tackle all the possible goals we think we should or others think we should.

At 48, I’m still in progress, and my goal is to always be evolving. As Michelle wrote, “Becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere, or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end….It’s all a process, steps along a path. Becoming requires equal parts patience and rigor. Never giving up on the idea that there’s more growing to be done.”

So for me this year is all about continuing that evolution and seeing where it takes me. Becoming more of who I’m meant to be, how I can better serve my family, our team, the larger human community. How I can better focus on my passions and what drives me—naysayers, doubters and critics be damned. And always remembering that what matters is not the size of the steps I take, but that I’m taking them. Every damn day.

Now to the rest of the process. Remember, once we have this overarching intention, we’re far from done. We get to establish our Priorities that serve our ONE WORD. And then we get to set our Goals that serve our Priorities. This process is so important because it provides you with a life instruction manual of sorts: if something doesn’t support your Priorities or serve your Goals, you don’t do it. You’ll only focus on the things that do. 

But first, let’s make sure you understand the difference between Priorities and Goals.

Priorities are what’s most important and meaningful in our lives today. The values, beliefs, lifestyle, principles and standards. The things that we’re not willing to give up for anything. I think of them as the non-negotiables of our lives right now. And I always declare them in the present tense. 

Goals are different. They’re a future-based end result or experience that we’re working towards creating and achieving. In other words, our Goals are things that haven’t yet been realized but we are committed to working to make them happen.

Here’s what’s so important about their relationship: if our goals don’t support our Priorities, we feel off, scattered, stressed and unfulfilled. It’s because we’re not living our truth. So I’m asking you to invest the time to really soul search your Priorities and then align your Goals with them.

And I’m a big believer that at any one time we can only focus on so much. So, each year I set a maximum of three Priorities and five Goals, and I encourage you to do the same. Unless you’ve found that elusive pill that gives you more than 24 hours in a day and no need for sleep. And if you have, I want some!

As you figure out your Priorities that serve your ONE WORD, know that you may be putting some others on the back burner in exchange for the ones that are most important right now. And that’s ok. Repeat after me: I cannot do everything. Go ahead, say it. And here’s another one you’ve got to believe: I’m not supposed to be able to do everything. C’mon, repeat it with me: I’m not supposed to be able to do everything.

So now I get to show you how this works.

I have 3 Priorities in service of BECOMING this year, and take note that I’m declaring them in a present tense and active voice. Because these are the things that are non-negotiable for me right now, not a future action or achievement I’m working toward. Then there are Goals I’ve set that serve each Priority.

 




 

Because I know if I’m not healthy, everything else turns to shit.

I have 4 Goals to serve this Priority:

Get at least 8 hours of sleep a night. This is a continual struggle with my night-owl, entrepreneurial, mom-who-just-wants-peace-and-quiet-time self. But it’s essential to my health.

Stick to my plant-based diet. I started eating this way last year when I was so sick, after finally acknowledging what I’d known for years and what John’s medical training had taught him—the fewer animal products we eat as humans, the healthier we’ll be. You can call me a flexitarian, a mostly-vegan, but I don’t like labels in general, so when people ask, I simply say that I eat mostly plants. I know that EBV doesn’t like it when I eat 90% whole food plants, no refined sugar, no eggs and no dairy. And since I’m committed to keep kicking that virus’ ass, making sure I’m able to eat what my body needs every damn day is non-negotiable.

Make time for stillness and reflection every day. As I’ve already mentioned, I know it’s essential for me to be able to hear my Heart Voice so I know what I want and have the tools to keep things in perspective, make tough decisions and keep stress at bay in my full and blessed and often chaotic life.

Build back my physical strength and endurance. I still don’t have the full strength and endurance I had before I got so sick, and I want it back. But not through exercise I know is no longer good for me. I’ve accepted that the likes of Tabata classes and kick boxing are the opposite of what my body needs and I’ve had to silence the voices in my head that tell me I should be doing workouts like the CrossFit or Orange Theory Insta stories I see. I’m really happy for those folks and am cheering them on, but I’m listening to my body every day and it’s telling me how it wants to move. I’ve become obsessed with Yoga—power and hatha—and I also love long walks and functional workouts that are gentler on my body. And wouldn’t you know, my bod is responding in a way I haven’t seen since long before kids.

The more time I put into making my body, mind and spirit as strong as it can be, the more effective I am in the rest of my life. Period. If you’re telling yourself that you don’t have time to take care of you and your health, in a few minutes I’m going to argue that you do.  

On to my other two Priorities, and the Goals that serve them.

 



 

 I’ve always been there for my family, sometimes more or less, especially when I was in the process of building the foundation of what would become a ginormous business. But this year, I want to take full advantage of the luxury of deciding where every bit of my time goes, and where and when I need and want to be for my family. Even if it means saying No more often. And I want to do it all in a much calmer way.

I have 4 Goals to serve this Priority:

Put away my phone more. It serves no one to be connected 24x7, and I’ve learned it’s actually bad for our health, well-being and productivity, and horrible modeling for our children. I was attached to my phone less in 2018, but I must do even better this year. I can still have plenty of time to be present on social media, email, Marco Polo, texting and there for all of you—while still trying to master the art of Insta stories—if I confine my phone use only to pockets of time throughout the day. One in the morning, one midday and one at night. And when it’s not one of those pockets, I won’t be checking this palm-sized crack fix. My brain deserves better, and so do John, Nate and Bebe.

Have more unscheduled time together on our family calendar. Or as my husband likes to call, “just hanging out.” It’s so easy to be over-scheduled and overcommitted, so I’m going to help the kids, John and me say no to more extra-curriculars, events and commitments. If I don’t, I’m teaching the kids to be over-committed and stressed out instead of focusing on what’s really important, which must include down time and add time for spontaneity. 

Involve the kids more in their life logistics. I want them to learn how to be organized and proactive, and I want to be less resentful of having to do it all.

Don’t let the little things get to me. Things like a mouthing off 10-year-old who thinks she’s 25. In other words, I’m bringing something I preach in business all the time to my parenting. I always coach not to be attached to the outcome of any one conversation. So when a mom-kid interaction doesn’t go how I hope, I’ll of course reflect and refine. But I won’t let it put a big cloud over my day or send me into a mild case of batshit crazy.

 



 

I know I don’t know everything, I’m not good at everything, and I’m certainly not everyone’s cup of tea. But nine years into this entrepreneurial adventure, and thousands and thousands of messages, comments, posts and emails from team members and readers has shown me where I can make a difference. Where my voice and my thoughts and my strategy are most helpful to others. And this year I’m going to focus solely on those things, BECOMING even better and more valuable to those I’m privileged enough to serve.

The first Goal is to Be authentic in every single thing I do. I’ve learned that’s the only way for me to be my most effective.

I’m going to keep the rest of my Goals that serve this Priority to myself for now, but I promise you’ll see them in time. Know they all revolve around serving those who are willing to consistently work and stretch and grow to design the lives they really want.

There you have it, the blueprint of my year. It’s not complicated; it simply takes time and digging deep.

And just as every year, establishing my Priorities and setting my Goals has required a companion exercise. I’ve had to figure out what needs to be on my “Stop Doing List” to make sure that I have the time to focus on the things I really want. You’ve likely heard me refer to the business bible, Good to Great, in which Jim Collins argues that this list is just as important than our To-Do List. In fact, I know from personal experience that this process I’m taking you through is impossible to execute if you don’t concurrently determine what you’re going to stop doing. So once again, I’m assigning you this list too.

You’ve already heard that I’m going to stop being tethered to my phone. I’m also going to stop putting pressure on myself to respond to everyone right away or keep track of everyone on social media, knowing that if someone I care about and who cares about me has important news, he or she will call or text me. I will stop chasing people who don’t return my calls or texts, who don’t say thank you, who say they’re going to do something and don’t. And I will stop getting caught up in other people’s negativity or sky-is-falling tendencies, reframing those conversations with facts and reason. And if I can’t, I’ll simply remove myself.

My wish for you as you dig deep to find your ONE WORD, establish your Priorities and set your Goals is that you remember you’re BECOMING too. We all get to rewrite our stories every year. Hell, every day. Think your past performance dictates your future prospects? Think that someone like you doesn’t get to experience success like someone like me? Or that you don’t have what it takes? I call bullshit on all of it, and I challenge you to write a different story about who you are and what life holds for you. I adore this quote from Cheryl Strayed that I hope will touch you just as much:

“Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore.”

Each of us gets to write the story of where we’ve been and where we’re headed. I could’ve said about last year, “I didn’t get done all I wanted to do because of that damn virus.” Instead, my story is, “I learned so much more about who I am and what I need and to trust God and the Universe, and I’m stronger, wiser, braver and more powerful because of what I experienced.”

As you let go of the things that didn’t serve you in 2018 and reach for the new you, remember this: the old you got you here, to this day. The old you survived every challenge, every disappointment, every heartbreak, every failure. The old you is stronger, wiser, braver and more powerful. So embrace her, applaud her, forgive her, love on her and bring her into the new year not to become a new you, but a better version of you. A more efficient, focused, self-loving, fulfilled version of you.

I want to leave you with some words I wrote in December that are very dear to me. Our family traveled to Israel over the holidays for Nate’s dream bar mitzvah. At a bar or bat mitzvah it’s customary for the parents to tell their son or daughter some words of wisdom. Among other things, I wanted to share with Nate on that monumental day that where we focus our time, energy, thoughts and actions defines our life and who we are. So I gave my son a list of the things I hope he focuses on in his life, and I know that some of them are perfect to send you out into the great, exciting unknown that is 2019.

I hope you focus less on being perfect and more on taking risks and giving yourself the freedom to fail, because it’s in our mistakes, missteps and full-out failures that we learn the most about life and about ourselves.

I hope you focus less on doing things to elicit praise and more on doing what will serve your passions.

Focus less on feeding an image of what you think others expect of you and more on feeding your imagination of what you are here to do and what your life can look like.

Focus less on checking the boxes and achieving status and more on the satisfaction that comes from living your truth in all parts of your life.

And may you always remember that the one thing that you have that nobody else has is YOU. Your voice. Your mind. Your heart. Your vision. Nobody else gets to write the story of your life but you, and I know it’s going to be one hell of a story. I’m excited, honored and privileged to watch what you create.         

Now let’s get to it!

 
XO,
Romi













 

VERY MERRY HOLIDAYS FROM ME TO YOU!

For nine Decembers I’ve worked all the way up to Santa coming down the chimney, because in my business we work from month-to-month, and it’s essential to maximize every bit of this important month until Christmas. I kept the same consistent activity to close the year that I started it with. And it worked. I busted my ass for years and transformed my life, John’s and our kids. Here’s the biggest gift of all: getting to help thousands upon thousands of other people build their own dreams too. And if they have a big enough WHY and are serious about making the most of the opportunity they hold in their hands, they’ll be relentless with their consistency too. 

Of course I had to do the very things I’ve always told my team to do. I had to walk the walk. And I walked my way into a pretty amazing life. By putting one foot in front of the other every effing day.

This year, for the first time since I pulled the trigger on my direct sales business, I’m unplugging mid-December through the end of the year. Our son Nate turned 13 in September and is having his bar mitzvah in a week. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a ceremony celebrating a boy’s elevation to adult status in Judaism (called a bat mitzvah for girls). No, he still can’t drive or vote or drink and still won’t be getting an iPhone because we don’t want to lose him to that damn device, but symbolically he’s a man and responsible for his actions. It requires a lot of study, and Nate will be leading an entire service in Hebrew. It also usually includes a service project, so stay tuned for the unveiling of Nate’s in the New Year. We are so proud of him!

Bar and bat mitzvahs here in the US often involve this ceremony and also a big (and often elaborate) party. A couple years ago Nate proclaimed that he didn’t want to have a big party, but instead knew what would be more meaningful to him. The boy who is obsessed with travel and history and other cultures and whom we affectionately (and accurately) refer to as #YodatheRabbi, wanted to do his bar mitzvah in Israel.

After lots of planning and studying, our family if off on a big adventure! It’s the first time for Nate, Bebe and me, and John hasn’t been there since his college days. In addition to the ceremony, we’ll be exploring the country, with a heavy emphasis on food, history, current events and getting to know the people who live there. And we’ll get to see some dear Israeli friends we’ve traveled the world with and finally see their home through their eyes. We’re so grateful that we’re able to do this for Nate and for us.

This kind of experience—unplugged—is what I’ve worked my ass off for, and I want to show our team what’s possible with a lot of hard work to get what you want and if you help others get what they want too.

I’ll be posting occasionally, so stay plugged into my Facebook and Instagram accounts if you want to see what we’re up to. But mostly I’m going to be in the moment, soaking up every bit of this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

I’m also going to be making the most of the quiet moments on the plane and in the early mornings to reflect back on this year. To celebrate my victories big and small, and examine my missteps and what didn’t go as planned to glean the lessons to be learned. And I’ll be digging deep to solidify my One Word for 2019 and establish my Priorities and Goals. It’s a process I’ve been doing for years now, and taking my team through it too. I hope you’ll take the time to reflect on this past year and dig deep on what you want for 2019. And then I’d love for you to join me in early January for this invaluable and powerful intention-setting that will help you focus your entire year.

I’m so grateful that you let me into your world. In the coming year I know that one of my Priorities will be to continue to offer you my no-BS insights, experience and (hopefully) inspiration to go after everything you want, and to keep you laughing along the way. I wish you and those you love Happy Holidays and a New Year filled with loads of love, laughter, good health, joy, adventure, personal and professional growth and fun. A year to #LiveFullOut! 

XO,Romi

HOW TO FINISH 2018 STRONG

The holiday season is in full swing, and the last few weeks of this year are flying by quicker than my kids can spin a dreidel. Balancing the holiday hustle and your business might have you feeling a little overwhelmed. You may be wondering how you’re going to tackle everything on your plate, meet your goals and manage to stay sane. Lord knows I’ve asked myself the same things. But over the years I’ve learned how to make the most of the merriment while also keeping my biz and biz goals a priority.

Here are my top tips to finish the year strong while enjoying the season

1. Keep a long-term view. If you only focus on the next few weeks, it’s easy to slack off on what’s really important to you personally and professionally. “It’s ok if I don’t do what I committed to do, I’ll get back on track after the holidays,” you might tell yourself. But if you instead think about how you’ll feel in January if you gave this time your all versus how crummy you’ll feel if you don’t, staying committed will be much easier.

2. Maintain your discipline. As an entrepreneur juggling other important things like my marriage and kids and writing and helping my mom and volunteering (phew!), I know how important discipline is. It’s absolutely essential to navigating the holidays and staying on course. This includes scheduling discipline, which means taking the time to schedule everything you need to do, keeping the time you need to move your biz forward sacred. Another must is health discipline because getting enough sleep, eating lots of fruits and vegetables, drinking lots of water and fitting in some exercise (even if it’s only a 20-minute power walk) will make you more productive, less stressed and more merry. And then there’s the discipline of saying No. While this season is the time to say yes to social events—you never know whom you’ll meet and what your new contacts will lead to in the new year—you must say No to the things that you really don’t want to attend but think you should (not the dreaded S word!) so you have the bandwidth for your priorities.

3. Don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself. You’ve got to accept that you’re not Wonder Woman OR Santa Clause, and that there’s no way you can do and be everything and still reach your big biz goals and actually enjoy the holidays. Trade hosting an elaborate party where you make everything for a casual get together where everyone brings their favorite appetizer while you host the wine. If you’re in major lady boss mode, don’t even attempt to do the Christmas cookies from scratch; instead buy the bare gingerbread men to decorate. Take the time to check your expectations, and call BS on the things that are spreading you too thin.

The biggest gifts we can give ourselves during the holidays is the ability to be present and stay true to our goals. And the best part is it’s the gift that will keep on giving well into next year.

WANT MORE LADY BOSS TIPS?

I don’t want you to miss out on a single lady boss tip that could inspire you to chase your dreams. 

Join my e-mail list, where I send exclusive content to the #livefullout community. I promise you’ll be inspired, laugh and maybe even learn something new.

Email Address













Sign Up

We respect your privacy.

Thank you for signing up for more of me in your inbox. Can’t wait to connect with you and send you exclusive lady boss tips.

XO

Romi

SOCIAL MEDIA UNFILTERED

If we’re all just sharing the highlight reel on social media, how will we ever inspire one another?Let’s show each other all parts of our lives (messy buns, no makeup and all) and keep it real both online and offline.
































WANT MORE LADY BOSS TIPS?

I don’t want you to miss out on a single lady boss tip that could inspire you to chase your dreams.

Join my e-mail list, where I send exclusive content to the #livefullout community. I promise you’ll be inspired, laugh and maybe even learn something new.

Email Address













Sign Up

We respect your privacy.

Thank you!

WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF?

HOW TO SAY #FFEAR AND GO AFTER YOUR DREAMS

Stop thinking you’re not supposed to be afraid. If you’re human (and I’m assuming you are), you’re always going to have fears. But if you acknowledge the fear and tell it, “Ok, I hear you, but you’re not going to control me. Go sit over there while I do this,” you’ll be amazed by what you have the cajones to actually do.

Reframe what’s scaring you. By thinking of what’s standing between you and your goals in a different way, you’ll be able to move through your fear and onto some really good stuff. In my biz, networking with people I don’t know is really important. Instead of being afraid that they won’t want to help me or that I’ll have nothing of value for them, I tell myself that I get to meet someone new and see if we have anything in common.

Play the “What’s the Worst That Can Happen?” Game. Whatever is scaring you, take it to the most horrific conclusion, and you’ll almost always find the worst thing that can happen is really not all that bad.

Ask yourself what it will feel like if you don’t go after your goals and nothing changes. Even journal about it. If you want something badly enough, any fear of failure you have will be outweighed by your fear of being able to one day say “What if?”

Recognize that, as one of my favorite quotes teaches, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Embrace the nerves, the fear, the discomfort. I’ve come to know that when something scares the bejeezus out of me, it means I’m really onto something.

WANT MORE LADY BOSS TIPS?

I don’t want you to miss out on a single lady boss tip that could inspire you to chase your dreams.

Join my e-mail list, where I send exclusive content to the #livefullout community. I promise you’ll be inspired, laugh and maybe even learn something new.

First Name




Last Name













Email Address













Sign Up

We respect your privacy and will not send you e-mails you don’t want to read.

Thank you for subscribing to get more of me in your inbox. I’m so glad you’ve joined the #livefullout community!

XO
Romi

DO YOU ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION TOO?

Even on my very best days, I still find myself stopping to think, “Hmm…is this good enough?” Can you relate?

Good enough. That’s pretty damn hard to measure, isn’t it? Who’s to say if it’s good enough anyway? And the most dangerous slippery slope is when “good enough” gets confused with “perfect.” I know from personal experience that once we start wondering if something is good enough to share with the world, it’s not a big leap to further censor or delay because something isn’t perfect. Oy!

We’ve all got something we want to say, to create, to share. Our job is to put it authentically out there, even before we have external proof that it’s good enough. And certainly without giving one thought to perfection. As a lot of really smart and accomplished people have said, “Perfection is the thief of creativity.”

I see you out there, stepping out in faith, questioning what you really have to offer, and wondering if you're cut out to do all of those big, hard things you told yourself you’d do.

I feel that uncertainty, the quivering hands over keyboards, the hesitation in sending that e-mail or sparking that conversation. And the doubt. But I also see a fully capable, talented, incredible entrepreneur with goals that are just waiting to be accomplished. You, my friend, need to stop stepping out in doubt and start stepping out in confidence. Why? BECAUSE YOU ARE ENOUGH.

For the days I feel a bit unsure about whether all this time, hard work and output is going to get me to the new heights I’m aiming for, I’ll break away from work for a moment and grab a serving of encouragement from another source.

I turn to something I love—a podcast, my favorite pal on Instagram, an inspiring book, a brisk walk with my labradoodles or a playlist with all my feel-good, booty-shaking, positive tracks. (And I must admit I’m really glad I’m not in a big, busy office so I can belt out every note of those beats as loud as I can, wearing whatever the hell I want.)

So, maybe you're looking at your work or that mighty long to-do list or that paycheck that you need to be a little bigger or the inbox that never hits 0, and you're feeling like a failure.

I’m here to encourage you to STOP questioning it: YOU ARE ALREADY ENOUGH.

Pick up whatever task, tools and time you’ve been given and realize you are on track to reaching every single one of your goals. And tonight when you close your eyes and rest your head, may you bask in the fact that you are enough, you have enough, and you, my friend, are doing enough.

5 PRODUCTIVITY TIPS FOR WORKING FROM HOME

With my kids back in school and the Fall season well underway, I’ve been getting back to my routine and have implemented 5 tips to help me up my productivity as an entrepreneur who works from home.

Interested in reading my tips and seeing what they can do to seriously up your productivity game? Keep scrolling to get your eyeballs on them. I can’t wait for you to put them to work for you!

PICK YOUR PLACE

Sure, we entrepreneurs can work anywhere we’ve got wi-fi or a cell signal, but it’s important to have a place in your place where you, your mind and body know that the shiz is gonna get done. I work all over the house, our back yard and from anywhere else I have to or want to be. But when I need a focused, uninterrupted hour or two to get the hard stuff done, my quiet home office is my place.

KEEP YOUR WORK HOURS SACRED

Of course stuff comes up (the water heater breaks, the dog poops on the carpet) and working from home you have the flexibility to deal with it. But the majority of the time, make working hours true working hours.

EMBRACE YOUR FLEXIBILITY

Build breaks into your days for activities that will clear your head, give you energy and boost your creativity. Go for a power walk, a bike ride or a yoga class, because you can. You’ll get back to work with renewed focus and passion.

GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE

Especially if you’re coming from a social office environment, working from home can get pretty lonely. Even in our age of web conferencing, there’s something to be said for the energy that comes from being around real live humans. So make sure you get a change of scenery at least a couple times a week and go where the people are.

STAY AWAY FROM THE KITCHEN

Unless you’re on a designated break for lunch or healthy, energy-giving snacks, don’t fall into the trap of taking breaks throughout the day to scrounge around the fridge or the pantry. Your ass will thank you. The same goes for the laundry room. Until your work for the day is all done, you have no business fluffing and folding.