Wendy Bernard's Blog, page 20

Lé Slouch Deux - Now Available

Long story short: Lé Slouch was an old pattern that I put out years ago and I was never really happy with it. So, I removed it and redesigned it from scratch so that it is top down, easy to customize and best of all: It doesn't have wonky decreases that cause the top to bunch up. Some berets look okay with a poufy crown but I didn't want it to be so with this one.

Simple enough for someone who is a beginner who can knit circularly and complex enough for a seasoned knitter who is looking for a "day-or-two," stash-busting project, Lé Slouch Deux is one of those patterns you'll want to knit over and over again--or at least twice. It goes quickly, and it takes only a couple balls of heavy worsted weight yarn.

Shown in two different yarns, this cap is knit top down so you can try on as you go to get the perfect depth. You'll also not run out of yarn, because when you work this way you can gauge your progress and if you are running short, you can make it less slouchy. On the other hand, if you do have enough yarn, you can add an inch or two to make it even slouchier to contain a bigger hair-do, if you will.

 SIZES
Youth (Adult Average)

FINISHED MEASUREMENTS
16 (17.5)" circumference at brim
25 (28.5)" at widest circumference

YARN 
Mirasol Miski (100% baby llama; 83 yards / 50 grams): 2 skeins #127 Storm
Or
Elsebeth Lavold Bamboucle Designer's Choice (45% cotton, 30% bamboo, 17% linen, 8% nylon; 87 yards / 50 grams): 2 balls #006 Soft Grey

NEEDLES
One set double-point needles (dpn) size US 8 (5mm)
One 16" long or longer circular (circ) needle US 8 (5mm)
One set double-point needles size US 7 (4.5mm), or one 16" long circular needle
Change needle size if necessary to obtain correct gauge.

NOTIONS
Stitch markers in 2 colors; tapestry needle

GAUGE
18 sts and 24 rows = 4" in Seed st, using larger needles
20 sts and 28 rows = 4" in Rib, using smaller needles

SUBSTITUTE YARNS
Mirasol Sulka

Koigu Kersti

Spud & Chloe Sweater

Blue Sky Alpacas Suri Merino

Lorna's Laces Shepherd Worsted

Malabrigo Worsted

Berocco Remix

Crystal Palace Mochi Plus

Classic Elite Yarns/Jill Eaton Minnow Merino

. . . And many, many more

Click on the button below to buy a copy. It will be sent to you in a zipped PDF file via email when payment is made or eCheck clears. Thanks!

$5.00

It is a Good Idea to Marry an Artist (With a Day Job)

When I met him he was 22 and I was 30. He taught me karate.

He had a hard time talking to me, not because he was shy but because I "think" I scared him.

Now, we have been married for about 15 years. We don't keep track. This is a funny thing, because, when he became a U.S. citizen he came home and told me that he re-read the marriage certificate and we had our marriage date wrong all along. All the years that we had been married we celebrated on February third and it was actually a different day.

We had a laugh because neither of us cared or care at all.

I re-designed Le Slouch and knit it up in two different fibers. This is the second of the two. He smokes a cigar on Sundays and, well, I decided that I would channel Ricki Lee Jones. I don't normally smoke cigars, but the light was right. I love you: HWWV. Thank you for letting me be me.

Meanwile, I will post the pattern, Le Slouch Deux, mannana. (That means "tomorrow" en espanol.)

Custom Knits 2: Almost Here

I can't believe it is almost here. And guess what? There is only one woman in her underwear in this one.

And one in her bathing suit (but covered up)

Two pair of shorts

Some bare arms

A strapless top

A skirt that is sassy

And one large, hairy shaggy dog

(Oh, wait: I forgot. There's one other picture of a woman wearing her boyfriend's boxer shorts...But, she is wearing a sweater, too.)

Anyway, it is available for pre-order on Amazon and if advance copies are ready by June, I'll be at TNNA in Columbus for a big book signing.

Other than that, I'm busy working on a third book. This time, it is accessories. I had only five months to complete this one, we shoot in May--end of May, thank goodness--and hopefully it'll be just as much fun as the past two have been.

Meanwhile, Girlfriend is loving her new sewing machine. That Janome Hello Kitty is so sturdy and "real" that I actually left it out and used it to sew a new pillowcase for her. Now, if I didn't have to knit like crazy for the next few weeks, I swear I'd be making a huge quilt for the master bedroom and repainting it a nice yellow, the same color as the title of the book, instead.

Life is good.

Bacon and a Sneak Peek--Le Slouch, Deux?

What other excuse could we have to eat deviled eggs? (Bacon.) Funny how they are called "deviled" when we, in our family, tend to eat them only at Easter time. Hmm. I just looked up the definition and it means something to the effect of "to season heavily," but in my case, does adding just a touch of mayonnaise, mustard (and Bacon) count? I think not. I mean, look at them: They could actually use more bacon. (Except that I ate the rest of the bacon on hand and then it was too late.)

In fact, my sister gave her little boy a taste and he declared deviled eggs with bacon a smash. Literally. (Give me a break, friends, I'm all out of steam.)

 Any rate, here is a sneak peek of a cap/beret that I have re-designed. It used to be "Le Slouch," but I was never happy with the way the seed stitch decreases had a tendency to make the cap a little bunchy and pointy at the top. Not to mention it was a free pattern and that created even more of a mess.

When you are a designer or a knitter, free patterns are great, but they do create a lot of customer service work--if you are on the designer end and answer emails. I am not too keen on the reason why, but this particular pattern that I just re-designed and am having edited at the moment (and knit, most likely, in another fiber so it is multi-seasonal) was a living nightmare. Well, I'm sort of exaggerating on the living nightmare part of it, but wow. The pattern, I think, had one error in the beginning which was fixed, but after that, I woke up daily, plugged in the computer, and would have a number of emails waiting for me each morning. Most of them containing questions regarding all manner of things, including:

"If I substituted a yarn that I found in my great, great grandmother's stash, which happens to be a different color than yours in the picture, and it doesn't have a ball band, can I use a size 2 needle--I only have size 2's--and knit a size larger and come up with the same size that you show in the picture on the back and except for the color come up with something that looks exactly the same...except for the color?"

And then I would write back: "There is a gauge listed on the pattern, if you can manage to get your gauge swatch to match mine with your size 2's, then go for it."

Then the the next morning they would write back: "I'm leaving for a vacation in an hour. Please write back with the pattern written for size 2 needles immediately. I want to take it along with me on my trip. By the way, do you think I have enough yarn?"

Me: "You didn't indicate how much yarn you have."

Then, 2 minutes later: "I'm leaving in 15 minutes and you haven't sent me the new pattern."

Anyway, I re-worked it to be top-down so you can try on and make sure you don't run out of yarn (if you knit to gauge). I also solved the wonky decrease-in-seed-stitch problem so that columns of stockinette stitch separate the shaping units so that it doesn't get bunchy. Is "bunchy" a word? Anyway, it looks a bit like the original, but hopefully, this one won't inspire the questions and help the last version required.

P.S. I have many more scenarios that this pattern inspired. When I took the free version down, I had hell to pay. Seriously. I thought knitting was supposed to be relaxing. (But I'm happy with the revision and once I knit it up in another fiber or blend, it'll be available.)

Double P.S. A couple days before Easter, I sent Girlfriend into the guest room to look for something and she dragged back a big pink box with her Hello Kitty Sewing Machine inside. With wide eyes she asked: Is this for me?

The Tale of Four Sewing Machines (Only Three Pictured)

I never thought I'd see myself type this type of drivel but it is sort of true: What is it with the kids these days?

Wait, I take that back. Girlfriend is cool. She is. She's not as interested in all the same things I was when I was her age, but we didn't have hand-held video games or great TV other than The Newlywed Game (I had a friend who was a latch-key kid), Kimba the White Lion or Popeye. Now, the kids, in many cases, have access to games galore: the Wii, those DSI's, even their own iPads.

Shoot, it wasn't until I was about 15 that our family finally got our own video game meant for the television. I remember distinctly hooking up the box that would hold the game, Pong, and the roll-up piece of stick-on plastic we'd have to adhere to the TV screen so we could actually see where the boundary lines were supposed to go. We were so enthralled with it, we practically wore it out. Nowadays? Don't ask.

But the sewing machine, my original Gameboy, still holds mystique for me. So much, that I remember learning to use my mom's: it was a mint green Singer and it weighed about a half-ton. No, I take it back. It weighed about 45 pounds. Seriously. And that thing could sew two elephants together if they stood still long enough. That thing is somewhere, probably in a closet in a garage owned by my now-gone step-father's girlfriend (Does that make sense? He's actually gone-gone and she's gone but just "gone"). And, my guess is, she has no idea where it came from or how to use it. Heck, maybe she's sold it already to buy more green apple martini mix.

When I was 22 I bought a Kenmore. That one, it weighed about 30 pounds. That magical piece of machinery brought me hours of love and frustration and a peach Chanel-like suit that made people stare at me. Not sure if THAT was the best situation because I can't for the life of me figure out what they were looking at (I did have fabulous heels that went with it), but oh, my Kenmore. Loved it and still do.

Except, after all these years, more than 25 more, it needs a major overhaul and rather than spend the $150 that it would cost me, I decided to move to a portable quilter's machine based on a recommendation of a friend.

To say that I fell in love immedately is an understatement.

So here is the Tale of the Four Sewing Machines part:

1. On a whim, I decided to order Girlfriend a three-quarter sized Hello Kitty Janome

2. It never came, or at least 5 or so days after they said it was already delievered, it hadn't been

3. They were out of stock, so I requested a refund from Overstock.com and promptly ordered another small machine suitable for a child, also a Janome, but without the fancy wrapping

4. Then my unfortunate-behaving neighbor had her boyfriend come over and drop the original Hello Kitty machine on my doorstep when he was visiting, days and days after I rec'd the refund for it

5. The second Janome arrives

6. I call Overstock.com and tell them that my neighbor finally brought over the original delivery and that they can re-charge me for it, because I wouldn't be able to sleep nights knowing I got it for free

7. They give me an "honesty" discount

8. Now I have four machines in the house, one that needs help, one that I use, one that has Hello Kitty Fantastic all over the place, and another one, even smaller, but is portable! I can take it camping!

So here's the thing: Girlfriend is eight. Do you suppose that I should give it to her for Easter? And how will I react if she isn't interested? I will probably feel sad, but then again, I might get some use out of it behind her back.

BTW: You know that I'm buddies with the folks at kpixie.com. They are the best and have fantastic customer service. Anyway, unless you have been living in a cave the past couple of weeks, you have already seen Jared Flood's latest marvel, the Rock Island Lace Scarf in Lorna's Laces Helen's Lace. I asked him if I could use one of his beautiful pictures to show you (And I can't believe we haven't crossed paths before; he's such a great guy). Anyway, Kpixie.com is having a kit special and you can order the Brooklyn Tweed pattern and the specially dyed yarn (he came up with the color) required for the scarf at a discounted price, here. I already bought the pattern myself and am waiting for a couple free weekends to give it a shot.

I have to admit, there was a day when I never thought I'd wear a scarf or shawl like this, but the way he shows it makes me want to!

Meeting Online Friends in Person

Since so much of what I'm knitting lately has to stay a secret, it's no wonder I haven't been posting as often as I usually do. Once I get a few more projects finished, I will pick up non-book knitting again and be able to show you what's on the needles. But for now, I'll share with you my weekend. Guess who's in town?

That's right: Olga Buraya-Kefelian!

When I found out that she would be staying in Southern California while things get sorted out in Japan (she was living there before the terrible quake), I got in touch with her and we made arrangements to spend the day together on Saturday.

We did some shopping at Knit Culture Studio and went to a button shop a couple doors down that absolutely blew my mind. After, we hung out at the Farmer's Market with my whole family.

I don't even know how we became "online" friends but I'm glad we did. In person, she is exactly as I imagined she'd be. Isn't that so funny? I mean, you get to know someone online and it's a real crap shoot as to how they turn out "in person." And we all know what I'm talking about: Just look at the photos we all use for avatars, Facebook pictures, etc. Of course you'll use a picture that you like or what is a best representation of who you think you are, who you want to look like, etcetera, and if the picture you show is an inanimate object chances are, you're probably hiding something or look like Ernest Borgnine. Not that there is anything wrong with looking like Ernest Borgnine (esp. if you are Ernest Borgnine), but you get my drift. All I'm saying is that avatars and Facebook/Myspace pictures are certainly telling in a backwards sort of way.

In fact, HWWV and I were talking about that very subject yesterday. "The minute I friend someone on Facebook, I stalk all the pictures they post to their wall," he said. "I find it all very interesting, the pictures they choose to share with practical strangers."

"So, you're saying that what they show gives clues to how they want to be perceived?" I asked. "And that based on my avatar, for example, that I want to be thought of as a sex-hungry vixen?"

Then he laughed hysterically.

All that aside, I appreciated very much meeting and spending time with Olga. With her, what you see is what you get. Her personality is wonderful and sweet and her designs are minimalistic and have a definite point of view, of which I am envious. She has a self-published book out called Ori Ami Knits that you can take a look at here. It's available in hardback and digital.

BTW: I've beaten you all to the punch. The answer is "Yes." I have already asked her about that gray slouch cap she's wearing. If the pattern is available, I'll let you know.

ETA: It is a hat called "Wurm" and is a free pattern on Ravelry. Olga used Classic Elite Wool Bamboo.

Spinners, Smart Alecs, and Guys Who Insist They're Part of the Regiment

Yesterday I did the unthinkable. I kinda-sorta involved myself in one of those historical recreation fairs. I think I've said that recreating battles and stuff like that baffle me a little and even though I absolutely know some people love that sort of thing, when I think about what people are doing a big question mark pops up over my head and my mouth forms an O.

But I dressed up in Colonial garb and went anyway because I volunteer at the joint and I get volunteer hours toward it, like credit for double hours not to mention, plus they would have an area where spinners would be spinning and I thought, "hey, I'm a knitter! We'll connect! I'll meet new people! Maybe learn to spin!"

Hundreds of kids were there and most of them wanted to touch the fiber, learn how to card the wool and watch me knit and watch the spinners spin. And just like all knitting or spinning related things, one smart alec will make a fuss about sheep and wool.

Smart Alec: "So you shave the fur off a sheep?"

Lovely and Calm Spinner (L&CS): in character "Why yes, lad."

Smart Alec: "Do you have to hold him down when you shave him?"

L&CS still in character and smiling: "Oh laddy, why of course! But they romp off ever so happy that they've been shorn from their hot and tangled fleece! Some sheep actually lay down for the shearers, but most need to be held."

Smart Alec yelling: "That's torture! Why would you torture an innocent animal!" (kids around him starting to look confused)

L&CS still in character and slightly smirking: "It is not torture, my lad. The sheep would suffer lest we not remove the fleece."

L&CS not in character looks over at me and mouths: "Who IS this kid?"

Me not in character: "Hey kid, What do you think the Colonial people did? Go to Walmart, or something?"

I wonder who this kid's parents are. I mean, the sheep live. It's not like they slaughter them solely for their hides or something. Oh, and I did get to learn to spin. I am smitten. And the sheep that gave his wool for me to learn on must be quite the sheep. When I asked one of the spinners, Francis, where she got the wool, she told me she just goes to her friend's farm and asks for some. "That was such a lovely color; I bet he is a happy sheep," I said. And then she promised me that she would tell her friend that I thought so.

Except for a few folks remaining in character no matter what (drove me nuts; crap, they even arrested a "thief" in the "townsquare."), it was a good day. Now I would like to get a spinning wheel. I'm not sure it'll go with my decor, but what the hay.

BTW: See the wheel to the right? That's the one I learned on and guess what? After she left me alone with it, I promptly broke it.

Also: Commenters, please let's not get into the conversation about whether or not it's cool to use wool.

Luxe Mitts Pattern Now Available

Awhile ago, I designed a few patterns that were to be yarn store only patterns. Now that time has passed and it's so dang rainy and Spring is taking its time to arrive, I thought you might like to see the Luxe Mitts pattern that I designed a few years ago.

Luxe Mitts are perfect little fingerless gloves that will keep your hands and wrists warm but your fingers free. Although these are made of cashmere (and take just one skein only), you could easily sub a merino or something lighter if you live in a climate where only a little bit of extra warmth is required.

Another reason I am putting this pattern out there now is that if you are someone who knits for others--especially at holiday time--that little voice in your head is surely telling you by now that it's time to get started! Not only are these compact and won't heat up your lap while you knit, they also knit up fast and if you put your mind to it, you'll be able to whip up a pair of these in a weekend or two.

FINISHED SIZE: Women's Medium, 7.5" hand circumference
(Add or subtract multiple of 4 sts to size up or down.)

GAUGE: 22 sts and 32 rows = 4"  (10 cm) in St st

MATERIALS: Jade Sapphire 4-ply Cashmere (100% Mongolian Cashmere; 55gm/200yds) Colorway 21, 1 skein

NEEDLES: One or two 30" (76 cm) long or longer circular needles size US 4 (3.5 mm) or one set of double-pointed needles size US 4 (3.5 mm), depending upon how you work in the round (Change needle size if necessary to obtain gauge)

DIFFICULTY: Easy

Click on the button below to buy a copy. It will be sent to you in a zipped PDF file via email when payment is made or eCheck clears. Thanks!

$3.95

Just Checked the TV Schedule and it's...

the one where Ricky gets to host a TV show and Lucy gets to be the opening act, so I have to write quickly.

There are a handful of phrases that I love to use and hear myself write or say. I like to say:

"I tell you what."

"Heckuva"

"Don'tchaknow"

"Trashmover" (BTW: We're having a heckuva trashmover right now. Four downed oaks along a 2-mile stretch of road. Four! And when the trash comes a runnin' down the hill with the water, that's a great trashmover. Haven't seen one like this in long time, I tell you what. Trashmover. Love to say that and write that word. If you don't know what a trashmover is, forget about it and just know that it's a dilly. [I Love Lucy is on]).

I think I just discovered that I like to write "dilly." That's a good word to use in a phrase like: "It's a dilly."

I love pickles. Dill pickles. But don't particularly like to write or say "Dill" or "Pickles." I will stick with "It's a dilly." I haven't said it out loud yet but will try to in the next 48 or so hours or maybe more. Need to squeeze it in. I don't get too much human contact these days. In these parts, like a bunch of dopes, we are usually texting while walking and if we don't run into each other or get run over by a car while doing so, uhm...lost my train of thought. But:

"Dopes"

Hmmm. I like the word "dope." It could be that my memory of dope is more from the fact that my dad constructed these crazy model airplanes that required layers of dope in order to fly. In those days, the kids were smoking dope or taking dope, but the stuff that my dad used to coat the paper that stretched over his model's wings so they could fly was just dope. Today it means "cool" or "rad," but to me it just means "sticky, smelly, clear nail polish-type stuff to put on model airplane wings so they could fly-stuff."

"Like All Get-Out." Another favorite.

Now it is time for me to list the words and phrases that put my teeth on edge (never wrote this phrase or said it; just trying it out..."teeth on edge.") Don't be upset if your fave is among those in the list. Feel free to mention it in comments if your feathers get ruffled.

"Whilst"

"Squee" (or anything like it. I mean, really. who says "squee"? And are you nine? And if you do say "squee," that is fine. My opinion means nothing.)

"Bewb(s)" (but love "douchebag" as if it has anything to do with it.)

"Conversate." (Seriously?)

"lol"

"nom-nom" or just plain "nom." (aye aye aye aye)

"runs and ducks" (say it with feeling or don't say it.)

"wee" (not as in "I'm riding a roller coaster and we're going down!" But, as in "small." I told you that one already, anyway.)

Do you have any faves or not-so faves?

BTW: I am very, very busy working on the third book, so much, that I can barely come up for air. We've had no time to take pictures or to really do anything except knit, knit, knit and write. I'm still here though and the rain is coming down so hard. We didn't see the Super Moon lastnight but that is alright. We ate spaghetti instead.

P.S. I have a short list of words and phrases that are neutral: badass, cucumber, acrylic, winner, swatch, would-you-hit-it?, frog. I will say, though, that I am teetering on placing "nups" on the no-no list.

Try on or Frog

He was always with her, always with her, even though she had a misspelled name.

I write down the silliest things before I go to bed.

40 nuns on a hill.

What?

IKEA wheelchair larger & wider than a first-class airplane seat; leg rests so wide-set you could give birth in it.

I completely remember writing that one down.

Man next to me nibbling the buttons of his shirt.

I was in an airplane at the time. He was nibbling his shirt WHILE wearing it.

Boobs, jewelry, lipliner and heels. Must be a realtor convention.

That was the day before yesterday.

People, keep a journal and write stuff down. Lately, I haven't been as prolific as I used to be, so I am going to concentrate on writing little quips again. I think some of it has to do with the iPhone. It's the iPhone's fault. Instead of writing things down in those little 4.5"x3.25" composition books that I have tucked everywhere around the house, I've been tweeting or putting stupid things on Facebook. And the truth is, you can't write the really juicy and random things down on Twitter or Facebook because then people will think you're "off."

Speaking of stupid. I have spent the past couple weeks frantically knitting items for my third book. Anyway, I was knitting away like a banshee and even though I carefully swatched I didn't take my own advice and try on as I knit. The little voice inside my head kept telling me to slow down and at least try it on the dress form, but I didn't. And after about 10 days of knitting the sucker, I bound off in glory and promptly put it over my head. No sooner than I looked at myself in the mirror, it fell down around my feet. Know what this was supposed to be? An itty bitty capelet. An itty bitty capelet that sashayed around your shapely and ever so muscle-y shoulders.

Friends: Try on as you go.