Cheryl L. Ilov's Blog, page 2

An Author’s Life and Receiving Reviews

Nothing puts an author’s teeth on edge quite like waiting for the editorial reviews to start coming in when their book is finally published. These are reviews by unbiased readers giving their honest opinion of the author’s work. I think it’s only fair to share all of my reviews, not just the good ones. So, in the spirit of full transparency, here is the first review the book received last March, just a few weeks after it was released.

Reviewed by A. S. for Readers’ Favorite:

“I struggled to become engrossed in the book all the way through and was frequently met with reader fatigue. I’m going to leave the first few chapters out of this because they are profoundly raw, honest and, even through the pain expressed, they are beautifully written. However, halfway through Stop, Drop and Roll, the writing loses a lot of its initial flourish. When combined with a lengthy narrative that often goes on for several pages, and overly detailed descriptions of martial art maneuvring, it becomes slightly monotonous.

I understand that this is a healing story and that martial arts is the journey. That said, the focus becomes hazy as the paragraphs start to run together. This is an important message and it deserves to be upfront throughout. If this book is written as a cathartic, testimonial for themselves and those they love, I am certain it will be revered and respected by family and friends. If it is meant to reach out to the general public, I hope it receives the strong scrub and polish it deserves to reach that audience in a meaningful way.”

Like I said, it was less than stellar, and received a 3 star review, which is death to the heart and soul of any author. After my initial visceral, kick-in-the-gut reaction, I had a wait-a-minute moment. If that was the reviewer’s honest review, so be it. Negative reviews are part of an author’s life just as much as the positive ones are, and I decided it was important to embrace them all, no matter what. And to share the bad as well as the good. 

Since that review, the book received rave reviews, won 2 awards, and became #1 0n Amazon in three categories, which certainly made up for one bad review. It’s just another day in the life of an author! 

From Writer’s Remorse to #1 Best Seller

I am honored and humbled to announce that my second book, “The Reluctant Ninja: How A Middle-Aged Princess Became A Warrior Queen,” hit #1 Amazon Best Seller in not one, not two, but three categories at the end of February, just in time for the first anniversary of its release. On the other hand, the last time I used the word “humbled” when the book won an award, I was corrected by a colleague that the word was inappropriate to use in the context of receiving recognition. Whatever.

So, since humbled isn’t the right word, perhaps overwhelmed word be more appropriate. Because it is overwhelming. And humbling, in spite of what my colleague and the dictionary both say. Because when the book was finally published, instead of being delighted, reality hit, and it hit hard. I realized the story was out there for all the world to see, and there was no way to get the genie back in the bottle. There was a lot of personal and private information in the book that I had never shared with another human being. Uh-oh.

For the next three weeks I hid in my girl cave, suffering from a severe case of writer’s remorse. I did absolutely nothing to promote the book. It would be okay if perfect strangers read it, I didn’t want anyone who knew me even see it, let alone read it. It gave me a false sense of security, but it worked. Until the day I saw a copy of my book sitting on Sensei’s desk, which sent me running down to hide in the girl cave again.

Eventually I accepted that I had put myself in such a vulnerable position. It helped that the book started receiving rave reviews as well as an award, even though the first review was less than stellar, but I’ll save that story for another day.

Until then, I believe that we all need to share our stories with the world, no matter how vulnerable it makes us feel. I also believe that sharing our stories will help make the world a better place. So just in case you’re considering writing a book and sharing your story, go for it. You too might go from writer’s remorse to best selling author. But you’ll never know until you try.

Fit Tip: Four on the Floor

In my previous post I shared 3 simple fit tips which I believe are crucial to vibrant health, fitness, flexibility, and youthful vitality at every stage of life, but especially for the over fifty population. Or even for the younger populations who would like to prepare ahead. Which I personally think is a great idea. After all, you don’t wait to start saving for retirement until you turn fifty, so why wait to get a jump start on your long term fitness plan as well?

Today I’m going to highlight my favorite fit tip, which is to get down on the floor (and back up again) every single day. Every time I share this tip with my clients or followers (after they gasp in horror), the inevitable follow up question is “What do I do when I’m down there?” That’s a great question, and I’m glad you asked.

Crawl. No, I’m not kidding, I’m perfectly serious. There are so many positive health and fitness benefits in crawling including improving shoulder stability, upper body strength, coordination, core strength, balance, flexibility, and joint mobility, just to name a few. Crawling can also improve your proprioception, which is a fancy word for knowing where your body is in space as you move, as well as your reflexes, which will help you respond effortlessly and quickly to unexpected physical challenges with strength and stability.

Think about the practical application of all these benefits.  Crawling even it helps with cognitive functioning as you need to focus on coordinating each limb and alternating between muscle groups.

In case you’re still cringing at the thought of crawling on the floor, I hear ya, and I feel your pain. The first time I was invited to crawl on all fours I was 50 years young and had just started my Feldenkrais Training. Notice I said “invited,” not “instructed,” which is one of the primary principles of Feldenkrais, but I’ll save that for another day.

All I could think of was my bony knees on a hard wood floor, and looking like an absolute idiot. Until I tried it. It wasn’t nearly as awkward or painful as I expected it would be. As a matter of fact, it was kind of fun, and I felt like a kid again, crawling around the floor with my playmates. Oops, I mean classmates, who were crawling and giggling as we moved around the room on all fours. Yes, even the guys. After all, crawling is the most basic form of movement and locomotion we learned as babies. Well, we didn’t really learn it, we figured it out for ourselves.

Besides, think of all the other fun stuff you can do when you’re crawling on the floor. So go ahead and give it a try. You just might be surprised at what you discover!

Simple Fit Tips for Youthful Vitality

As an expert in the field of health and fitness with a focus on fitness over fifty, I am often asked if it really is possible to have vibrant energy, health, and vitality over fifty. The answer is a resounding “yes!” And the inevitable follow up question is “how?” Well, I do have an awful lot to say about that, especially since I wrote an entire book on the subject, which happened to win two awards and became an Amazon #1Best Seller, but I digress.

However, we all have busy lives, and in the interest of keeping things brief I’m sharing 3 simple but highly effective tips that can help keep you strong, fit, and healthy at every stage of life. And the good news is that you can do them every single day in the privacy of your own home. So, here are the tips along with the benefits of each one.

1). Put a book on your head.

Books aren’t just for reading. Putting a book on your head is the oldest trick in the book (if you’ll pardon the pun) used by models and beauty queens to help them improve their posture, as well as giving them an elegant, gliding gait pattern.

Good posture is a vital component for strong bones and spine, for health, respiratory, circulatory, and other organ function. It will help prevent bone loss associated with osteoporosis as well as the dreaded dowagers hump. Besides, it makes you look better.

2). Get on the ball.

Sitting on a large exercise ball improves your balance, reflexes, posture, core strength, flexibility, and lights up your nervous system, in a good way. It will help make you more awake, alert, and give you more energy. Besides that, it makes you feel like a kid again. And it makes you feel better.

3). Get down on the floor.

I saved the best for last. I know, I can hear you groaning already. But the floor is your friend. Really. And the ability to get comfortable getting down on the floor (and back up again) is the motherlode of anti-aging. It will help with your balance, flexibility, spatial awareness, joint mobility, and proprioception, which are the nerve receptors in our body and brain which help us know where we are in space. And it makes you feel stronger.

If it’s been awhile since you’ve spent time on the floor, or if you have mobility or balance issues, you might want to seek the assistance of a licensed physical therapist to help you to make sure you stay safe. If you feel comfortable going it alone, it still might take you some time to manage to get on the floor (and back up again) easily and effortlessly, but don’t give up. You can work on it gradually, by using a sturdy piece of furniture that can help support you as you gently lower yourself down to the floor and help you get back up again. There are many reasons why I am so passionate about getting down on the floor every single day, and I have a lot more to say on the subject, but I think I’ll save that for another day.

As always, feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I’m happy to help!

 

Who’s That Lady?

In my previous post, I shared my personal story about writing a poem intended for a friend of mine, which turned into an eye opening and painful realization that I was my own worst enemy.

Self image is a tricky subject to think about, and even more challenging to talk about. I’m just going to throw it out there and say that a lot of us struggle with the image of ourselves. And I’m pretty sure a lot of us are hypercritical about our appearance. I used to think that this only applied to women until I recently discovered through one of my podcast guests that men struggle with their self image and body image as well. Who knew?

I am certainly not an expert on the subject, and can only speak from my own personal experience. I used to be the master of self denigration and self belittlement. You name it, I criticized it. You name it, I judged it. It was tedious, and there were days I couldn’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror. Until I met a woman who completely turned my life around.

I was in the last few months of my four-year long Feldenkrais training. The class was engaged in a lovely Awareness Through Movement lesson which started with all of us lying on the floor and slowly spiraling to a standing position. As we moved, I could feel myself effortlessly moving through space from the floor, twirling to standing, reversing the process and gently lowering myself back to the floor.

As I moved in the ballroom with its hardwood dance floor, my eyes scanned the room. Over and over again. Until I spotted a woman at the far end of the room. There was something so compelling and appealing about her that I was mesmerized. I admired the graceful way she moved, the look of pleasure on her face, and the feminine curves of her body. I knew I had to meet her.

Once the lesson was over, I walked across the room to introduce myself to her. But, the room was so crowded I couldn’t find her, and even though I kept looking, she was nowhere to be found. Tears filled my eyes and I felt like I lost my best friend before I even got to know her. Terribly disappointed, I turned around, and there she was, standing right in front of me!

We smiled at each other and I stepped toward her at the exact moment she stepped toward me. We both laughed as we reached for each other. And then I froze in shock. That woman was me. Thanks to the mirrors which were hanging along the wall, along with the freedom of moving my body without judgement or a critical eye, I had the rare and revealing opportunity to see myself as I really was. It was a life altering experience, and that was the exact moment that my negative self talk stopped. And it was about time.

Maybe we should all take the time to take a really good look at the lady or gentleman in the mirror, without judgement or criticism. We might be surprised at what we see.

Through Someone Else’s Eyes

“If I could see what others see

I think I’d be surprised

If I can only see myself

Through someone else’s eyes …”

These are the opening lines of a poem I wrote several years ago. I was inspired to write it for a close friend because I was sick and tired of listening to her tear herself down about everything. And I do mean everything.

From her looks, her body, her mind, her relationships — the list went on and on. I was tired of her negative and deprecating self talk, and I was exhausted from building her up. It was a full time job and it was wearing me down.

Besides, she was a beautiful young woman. She was also smart, funny, tons of fun and the most loyal and devoted friend anyone could ever have. And I thought that if she could only see herself through someone else’s eyes, she might see herself in a different light.

One night, after an excruciatingly painful phone conversation with her, I was unable to sleep. I kept wondering how she would feel about herself if she could see herself through an objective lens. You know, through someone else’s eyes.

The next morning, my creative juices were flowing like a river. I began writing this poem for her, with the hope that it would awaken a sense of self-awareness and perhaps open her eyes about herself, and eventually change her self image.

The words poured out of me and they came straight from my heart. When I finished, I stared at the words that were so powerful and painfully accurate. And, I realized I wasn’t writing about my friend. I was writing about myself. Listening to her beat herself up gave me a unique opportunity to look in the mirror and take a good, hard look at myself.

I had to face the hard, cold fact that I wasn’t much different than my friend. Not only was I just as skilled as she was at beating myself up (and tearing myself down), I had taken this self-deprecation to an art form. I was a master at it, and it was time for me to stop.

That poem gave me an opportunity to step back and look at myself in an objective manner, and boy, was that revealing! Apparently I could use a little bit of that self-awareness as well. And I began working on my internal dialogue.

Anytime I slipped back into that old pattern of negative self talk, I stopped myself and said the words: “Not true. That isn’t you, and you know it.” Eventually my belief system and my self image slowly changed. Life got better, easier and more comfortable. It happened when I stopped beating myself up.

So, take a chance and look at yourself through someone else’s eyes. You just might be surprised at what you see. I know I certainly was.

To Knit or Knot

To knit or knot. That was the question that I asked of me. But what was the answer? I learned how to knit when I was in my early 20s, and I loved it. It was relaxing, entertaining, and I got really good at it. I even consider myself a master knitter, and if you could see some of the lovely tops, sweaters, afghans, baby blankets, Christmas stockings, etc. I created, you would probably agree with me.

There was something so mesmerizing about the sound of the needles clicking, the feel of the yarn in my hands, and watching a simple ball of yarn turn into something beautiful to wear or to give away as a gift. And don’t even get me started about going into a yarn shop. I could spend hours on end looking at the patters, the yarns, and dreaming about all of the wonderful things I could make.

However, 12 years ago I packed away my knitting needles, gave away my yarn, and never looked back. I had just gone through a sad and difficult time in my life, when my sisters and I watched both our parents go through the final stages of leukemia at the same time. For 11 months, as I traveled back and forth from Denver to my hometown in Western Pennsylvania to be with my mom and dad, I knitted. At the airport, on the plane, in the emergency room, in the doctors’ offices, the waiting rooms, treatment centers, and at the bedsides. As they progressively declined, I knitted faster, as if my flying fingers could stop the inevitable. They couldn’t.

After my mother died, I stayed with my dad and knitted furiously, almost knitting myself into a coma. When he died 19 days later, I picked up my knitting to finish the beautiful sweater I had been working on. And put it back down. I just couldn’t do it any more. It was no longer a hobby I loved, but a reminder of a painful time.

I intended to pick it back up again, but before I knew it 12 years had passed. I resigned myself to the fact that I would never knit again. Until now, when I  got the urge to knit again. I tried to ignore it, but the urge got stronger. Finally, with great trepidation, I unpacked my needles and looked through my patterns. That did it.

I went to a yarn shop the following day. As soon as I stepped into the shop, I knew I was home. That was one month ago. Since that day, I have knitted 6 and a half scarves, one baby blanket, and have a list of patterns waiting for my nimble fingers to work their magic. And I’m no longer tied up in knots. About anything (or almost anything), because I have rediscovered a passion that I loved and was missing for so long without even knowing it.

My question for you is, what have you given up that gives you comfort, pleasure, relief, or great joy? Whatever it is, maybe it’s time to revisit it. You might be surprised how good it makes you feel. It might even help you unravel a few knots of your own.

Summer Heat, Health, and Hydration

It’s summer, and the heat is on. Along with the heat and the fun in the sun comes the risk of dehydration. Whether you are relaxing on the beach, hiking in the mountains, or biking around town, it’s vital to stay ahead on your fluid intact to avoid inadvertently becoming dehydrated.

Dehydration can cause headaches, dizziness, confusion, low blood pressure, abnormal heart rate, arrhythmias, and fainting. Prolonged dehydration can even cause organ damage. Yikes! Unfortunately, most of us don’t realize we are on the brink of dehydration until it’s too late, so that’s why it’s important to take in fluids even when you don’t feel thirsty. The good news is that there are plenty of ways to stay hydrated, besides drinking water.

There are a lot of fresh, tasty, and nutrition-packed food sources to help keep you healthy and hydrated during the summer heat. And a lot of them can be plucked right out of your own garden. Some of the surprising garden fresh foods include tomatoes, bell peppers, cucumbers, celery (no surprise there), cauliflower, and zucchini. I was exceptionally happy about that last one, because my zucchini is already growing in abundance.

But what makes me even happier is the long list of summer fruits, which I consider nature’s candy. Watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, and peaches have incredibly high water content as well as multiple health benefits. So, you might want to consider adding these tasty treats along with the nutritionally dense vegetables to your summer meals, snacks, and salads  can help you stay healthy and hydrated, not only during the summer heat but in the dark days of winter as well. Stay hydrated, my friends!

Mindful Meditation or Back Yard TV

Ahhh, meditation. Every “expert” I know sings the praises of mindful meditation along with the many health benefits including stress management, reducing negative emotions, and increasing patience and tolerance. I have often been told by multiple experts, “You need to meditate. You’re so high strung, and it’s the only way to calm your mind.”

To say I’m high strung is an understatement, but I prefer to think of it as high energy. One of my ballet teachers once said that I had “big energy.” I took it as a compliment until one of the dancers said, “That’s a nice way of putting it.” Hmmm….I wondered what she meant by that. The look on her face indicated it wasn’t a compliment. Along with having high energy, I am also quite skilled at reading body language and facial expressions.

I’ve tried meditating. And I hate it. It doesn’t calm my busy brain. Instead, it makes it go into high gear. Meditation advocates have been quick to point out that I’m doing it wrong. Great, one more thing to feel guilty about. As an over achiever, I want to do everything to the best of my ability. So, I gave up. Or did I?

My mindful meditation comes in the form of back yard TV. I have a big, beautiful yard and am fortunate to live in a quiet but active neighborhood. I have a small beach chair that I carry around to different areas of the yard and breathe the fragrant air. It’s June. The grass is growing, the trees are blooming as well as the flowers, the recent late spring snow storm as well as the rain has made everything green and lush, especially for Colorado.

Sitting alone in my chair with my dogs beside me, my eyes go back and forth, taking in the scenery. The vibrant colors include a robin’s egg blue sky, bright sun, green leaves, and colorful flowers. Don’t even get me started on the soft, billowing white clouds against the backdrop of bright blue sky. Just watching them change shape and morph from dinosaurs to dogs, horses into humans, faces into flowers, and alligators into angels calms my mind, relaxes my body, and makes me smile.

My backyard TV awakens all of my senses. The sounds of the neighborhood with the combination of kids  playing in the distance, dogs barking, birds singing, and my beloved windchimes is like candy to my ears. Then there’s the feel of the sun on my shoulders and the breeze on my face, along with my bare feet in the grass, as well as the smell of the earth and the flowers.

Sitting in my yard watching back yard TV is a truly remarkable somatosensory experience, and one that I have never had when I tried traditional meditation. My point is that we are all different, and what works for some doesn’t work for all. It’s up to us to explore and find what works for us and letting go to what doesn’t. I have a lot more to say about meditation (of course), but I’ll save that for another day.

In the meantime, you might be wondering what I do when I want to change the channel. That’s easy. I simply move my chair to another area of the yard, settle in, and a new experience starts all over again. Ahhh, back yard TV!

Salad for Breakfast, Chocolate for Lunch

I came up the title of this post over 6 years ago when I was having a casual conversation with a friend, who happened to be an acupuncturist as well as an athlete and a top notch martial artist. Our conversation turned to nutrition, and I jokingly said, “How about having salad for breakfast and chocolate for lunch?”

Here it is, several years later, and I am now eating salad for breakfast almost every morning. And I’m loving it! After taking photos of my mega-nutritious, vitamin-packed breakfast salads and sending them to my sisters, one responded by asking me for the recipes. She said they looked delicious, and she had been struggling trying to find healthy options for breakfast.

Uh-oh. She wanted recipes. Recipes I didn’t have. I always start with a base of avocado kale salad and take it from there, throwing whatever I had in the fridge or pantry that I think might work. Spinach, romaine, tomatoes, cucumbers, beets, artichoke hearts, blueberries, mushrooms, shredded cabbage, watermelon, mango, berries, peppers, feta crumbles, olives, and pumpkin seeds are just a few examples. Of course, not all ingredients in one salad, but you get the idea.

I told my sister to use her imagination, and we’ve been having a great time sharing pictures and ingredients of our breakfast salads. It’s also a nice bonding moment for us, and we both love seeing what combinations we can come up with.

So, why did I decide to try eating salad for breakfast? It started after reading a remarkable book on nutrition titled “Eat to Live,” by Dr. John Fuhrman, who recommends that his patients eat 2 large salads a day. That’s when I remembered my conversation with my friend, and I thought to myself, “Why not?”

If you are trying to get more fresh fruit and vegetables in your diet, you might want to give it a whirl. If not, I totally understand. Nothing feels more intrusive and judgmental than someone giving you unsolicited advice on what you should and shouldn’t eat. It just feels so icky, and I do have a lot more to say about that, but I will save it for another day.

And remember, even if you don’t have salad for breakfast you can still have chocolate for lunch. Or dinner. As far as I’m concerned, chocolate is an important part of a healthy diet, especially if it’s dark. So, throw caution to the wind and eat your kale and chocolate, too. I just wouldn’t recommend that combination for a salad. On the other hand, it might be delicious. I’m just not quite that adventurous. At least not yet.