C.L. Walters's Blog, page 3

You Can Go Home Again

You know that party question: would you go back to high school? It often creates an either-or dichotomy: Hell no! Or Absofuckinlutely! For the last eight weeks, I went back to high school. Okay, not as a student, but rather as a long-term substitute teaching English to 9th grade students. Given I taught English for over twenty years, this wasn’t a stretch, but after nearly three years outside of a traditional classroom working instead as a full-time author, it was a refresher in all things teen and work life. This, my friends, is what I learned returning to the classroom.

First, kids are kids no matter the year. Granted, the 13-and-14-year-old students I was attempting to impart wisdom about Shakespeare’s The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet were eleven when they were forced home for Covid. So their sixth-and-seventh-grade years (a primary time in learning communication skills) were spent behind computer screens (and believe me it showed). I got them journals to decorate and make their own and each class we spent writing for the first ten minutes. Then—to practice our social skills—we “turned and talked” and like any teen, they fell right into that activity. It took a bit of time to get them to share with one another, but after a week or so, it began to feel safe, normal even. Teens are awesome people. They’re funny, they’re pragmatic, they’re focused (on what they’re interested in), and like all people, they're social. 

Sometimes I get so far into my head, I forget the socialization part of life. I’m a self-professed introvert. I am content in my home, in the space I’ve made for myself, in the routine that I’ve created to address my work (writing, editing, book life, and taking care of the dogs and cats). I’m content to text with my friends and set the phone down. This isn’t a knock on my friends or human interaction in general, just a truth about my identity. I am content being alone. But walking into the classroom and observing the students reminded me how important socialization is. How critical it is to interact with others in order to grow my perspective, challenge my norms, push me outside of the comfort zone. I’m better for it. Just like the students, I have to make time to “turn and talk”.

“Make the time to ‘turn and talk’.”

— Cami Walters-Nihipali

Second, I remembered immediately how much mental capacity is necessary to be a teacher. Goodness gracious. There’s creative work of designing the curriculum and making sure it’s got enough critical-thinking meat as well as age-appropriate relevance. Then there’s the creativity in doing the same for each class-period lesson. Then there’s the all-encompassing act of assessment, whether it's the informal observation in the classroom, the formative assignments, or the summative tasks to showcase skill growth, a teacher is always “on” both inside and outside of the classroom, and it’s exhausting. From the classroom management, to the planning and assessment for each learner, to the research—and while I didn’t have to attend all those meetings—there are all those meetings that really have nothing to do with the day-to-day job, but the bigger picture of teaching and learning. 

I had a conversation with one of my former colleagues (yes, this is the school where I used to work full time before leaving to write full time) who expressed the day-to-day struggle. Having been teaching for fifteen years, *they indicated a sense of bone-weary exhaustion. Is it a wonder? The amount of mental capacity it takes to do the job coupled with the struggle of external perception that “teachers don’t do enough” along with administrations who add to the plate for “accountability” is not only disheartening, but drains the well dry.

When I sit down at my writing desk everyday, I feel joy. The act of creating, of telling a story or sharing my thoughts, is fulfilling. I might be poor, but I am so content doing this work. And while that creativity does draw from the well, this is a choice I make each day. I’m accountable to myself, to my own perception of what’s going to build and present my best work. This conversation with my colleague reminded me how unfulfilled I felt as a teacher. Don’t get me wrong, there were absolute moments of fulfillment. That moment when all the work that went into that unit and specific lesson hit all the right notes, when I got that student essay that nailed it, when I had a real conversation with a student that helped them through something, or the plethora of moments with colleagues when we laughed and planned and continued through the struggle together. But overall, my mind was always thinking about writing. Makes sense—it was what I was born to do.  And that—time spent pursuing my passion—is so affirming.

“You canʻt ever go home again”

— Thomas Wolfe, novelist 1940

Finally, Thomas Wolfe in his 1940 novel by the same title wrote, “You can’t ever go home again.” I disagree with the sentiment. We need to go home again. It’s true that when we return home, we return with a new perspective, therefore we aren’t able to capture that experience with the sameness of our memories. It’s impossible because we are changed. New perspective allows you to see with new eyes, while at the same time grounding you to something familiar. Returning to my former school allowed me this renewal. I returned with three years of independent authorship and entrepreneurship added to my vitae, and while that impacted my experience of walking back into the classroom, being a teacher again offered me the familiar feeling of being good at something once more when authorship doesn’t provide that immediate feedback. 

As I was standing in the hallway greeting students as they passed, welcoming my students to the classroom, one of the vice principals walked past. It was my last official day in the classroom, and we exchanged chatter about it. *They continued on, but then stopped and backtracked toward me once more. “I wanted to tell you,” they started and expounded about a teacher group I was a part of with them before I left. We reminisced about the power of that group, and the change we were able to enact because of our work. Then they said, “All that to say, you made a big difference in our school. Thank you.”

I don’t take compliments well. Never have (Iʻm sure there’s a bunch of psychology behind this), and I felt speechless. It was such a nice thing to say, and this person didn’t have to backtrack to offer it to me. I walked into the classroom, pondering it. I think perhaps I even attempted to discount it, but it couldn’t be dismissed. I had to take that sweet sentiment and allow it to bolster me. And it did. It reminded me that risk-taking for the greater good is a very important part of my identity.  So perhaps you can’t go home again unchanged, but home often has a way of reaffirming ourselves and strengthening our purpose.

So, friends, I return to my writing desk full time, surrounded by my furry co-workers—Ruby, Haupia, Cheese, and Happy—ready to face the quiet of my writing life, excited to face it, and grateful for having taken the time away to refill the well in a different capacity. 

A heads up:

I will be moving over to SubStack for additional content. While you’ll still have access to this weekly blog, perhaps consider subscribing to my substack for up-to-date news and additional writing excerpts meant to entertain.

*They denotes a singular person and is used to protect their identity.

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Cantos Love: Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary Cantos Chronicles (photo of book stack: Swimming Sideways, The Ugly Truth and The Bones of Who We Are)

Thank you all for the love you’ve shown this series and these characters over the last three years, I am truly grateful.

Swimming Sideways Praise for Swimming Sideways:

“I adore this book. I fell in love with the characters immediately- with Abby and her family, and the complicated history and relationships with Seth and Gabe.” M. Wish, Amazon Reviewer

“SWIMMING SIDEWAYS features a classic (and very well done) love triangle, complemented by the main character's internal conflict, which is fueled by a loss of connection with her Hawaiian heritage. It's a perfect example of how diversity can enhance and improve the young adult genre.” Stephani H, Indie Reader Reviewer

THe Ugly Truth Praise for The Ugly Truth:

“Before reading the Cantos Chronicles, I had never read a series of books following the same timeline of events. Well... I am so glad I decided to read it. Thanks to The Ugly Truth I learnt that characters from CL Walters books are never just good or bad. They're all so beautifully complex that each one of them deserves his story to be told.” Paola, Amazon Reviewer

“Fantastic book. I will say I was so concerned about how the book would end, that I found myself speed reading. Since, at times, it went over identical dialogue from the previous book, I didn’t feel as guilty. The ending will have you buying the next book before you take your next breath.” Rayna, Amazon Reviewer

The Bones of Who We Are Praise for The Bones of Who We Are:

“This novel was a raw and honest depiction of one of the greatest struggles people face today—how to make peace with and find freedom from the demons of our past. It is intricately woven narrative that explores the intrinsic value of a human being, the search for identity, the power of forgiveness, and the strength in hope. C.L. Walters approaches issues head-on that many people avoid and does so with intentionality and grace. Ultimately, she introduces a perspective shift on pain and the hope that comes with understanding that we are all deserving of love.” S. McClellen, Amazon Reviewer

“The last story int he Cantos Chronicles was wonderful! We get yet another POV this time Gabe. This story was so heart breaking that I just couldn't put it down. I loved the journal entries and each chapter was surprise after surprise. This entire story was just so shocking and because I had my own brush with suicide I felt so much for Gabe. I think that readers will enjoy this trilogy as a whole as they ride the highs and lows of these amazing characters.” Crossroad Reviews

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Cantos Love: Gabe

I just recently returned from a trip home… my first home, I should say, Oregon. It was a visit with family. reconnecting with many people I hadn’t seen in years. The trip made me think of Gabe, of The Bones of Who We Are and his mental and emotional journey back in time. (Definitely check the trigger warnings if you dive into that book). There’s a saying that “you can’t go home” again… and maybe that’s true in the sense when you do return home you are changed . . . but I do think there is power in returning home—just like any hero’s journey and the return with the elixir (in this case knowledge and experience).

As I write this—March 21—it’s Gabe’s birthday—and I’m on an airplane returning to my new home. I am getting ready to dive into the next newsletter installment of The Wedding Assignment (in which he returns with everyone else from The Cantos Chronicles). I’m having a lot of fun writing these characters as adults, but you can only read it in the newsletter.

Want to read more Gabe?

Here’s a link to the letters (his is included here).

Here’s a bunch of posts I put together when I first marketed this story (the cover is different!)

An aesthetic

5 Thinks to Know About Gabe and 5 More Facts and 5 Reason Gabe thinks he’s a monster

The Story and Different Kinds of Love

Teens and Depression and Gabe

Gabe and Poetry

The Bones of Who We Are Playlist (the list) and here’s a link to the Spotify list)

Where you can find Gabe:

Swimming Sideways

The Ugly Truth

The Bones of Who We Are

The Wedding Assignment

Cantos Love: Seth

I have a secret. Come a little closer… Seth is one of my favorite characters. Shhhh. Don’t tell the others. But the proof is in how many different works he’s made his way into. He starred in The Ugly Truth, and was a secondary character in Swimming Sideways and The Bones of Who We Are. Then he showed up starring in a second novel, The Messy Truth About Love. And now he’s made an appearance in the new novella I’m publishing in my newsletter, The Wedding Assignment. The only other character to make so many appearances is Tanner from The Stories Stars Tell. I must have a thing for the broody and slightly villainous. Okay. Maybe an overstatement. Morally gray? Probably better.

In honor of three years, here are the character letters reposted from our Cantos Crew: Abby, Seth, and Gabe.

There’s a link to The Ugly Truth Spotify playlist (definitely check out my favorite track, Ayahuaesca by Vancouver Sleep Clinic).

Do you have a favorite character from the Cantos Chronicles?

Cantos Love: How They Came to Be

For anyone that’s been following my writing journey, you’ll know that the 2018 version of Swimming Sideways didn’t  start out as a contemporary coming-of-age story but as a 2008 paranormal fantasy called Fallen (That’s a link to that original story). After facing a plethora of rejections, I put this story away and moved away from writing believing that I just must not be good enough. Rejection—at the time—did a number on my self-confidence—but Abby, Seth, and Gabe didn’t stop talking to me regardless of my insecurities. So I wrote The Ugly Truth abandoning Fallen with the belief that perhaps Fallen had always been Seth’s story after all. That is when the paranormal fell away and The Ugly Truth became a contemporary coming-of-age story. I queried again. Only this time, after even more rejection, I stopped writing.

Fast forward several years, my father unexpectedly passed away.

Grief did strange things to me, and one of those things was forcing me to return to the one place I felt comfort, like the best version of myself. Writing was the one place that offered me solace amidst the grief. During that first year, I remember looking in the mirror and asking myself, “if you only had today, are you doing what you were meant to do?” And I knew that while I was doing something I was good at, writing had always been my passion—my calling. That awareness now alive inside me, within the next week, I was sitting in my car at a stoplight and Abby spoke up: “It’s time to write my story,” she said.

So I did. Finishing Abby’s story, Swimming Sideways, helped me fix Seth’s, The Ugly Truth, and suddenly Gabe started talking, and The Bones of Who We Are was written.

These stories go together—it’s hard to read one without the context of the other. Abby’s story, Swimming Sideways,  is first because her story is the catalyst that brings change to Cantos, to the reality of what has become the norm for Seth and Gabe and Cantos High. But because she brings that change, Seth and Gabe can’t stay the same. Seth’s story The Ugly Truth is the follow up to Swimming Sideways and explores how that change manifests in his life (check the trigger warnings), but Seth’s change doesn’t occur in isolation, impacting Gabe in The Bones of Who We Are and pushing him toward his own change (check the trigger warnings). Each story is told from the perspective of one of the three characters, each offering their version of the story.

I’m really proud of these stories, of forcing myself to push through the the insecurities, the doubt, and the imposter syndrome to see these three books published. While it didn’t happen when I thought it would, these books getting finished and published happened when it was supposed to. Timing, sometimes, is everything.

If you haven’t read these stories, Abby kick things off, here’s with a letter introducing you to her journey.

And if you’ve read all three of these books, you might enjoy these short vignettes from In the Wait (but there are spoilers if you haven’t read the books).

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Cantos Love: A Month of Cantos

It’s Cantos Month!  Three years ago this month, The Cantos Chronicles were rereleased with their new covers! 

And last year, The Messy Truth About Love came out, adding to the Cantos World.

Did you know that I’m writing a serialized story in my newsletter called The Wedding Assignment about Abby and Gabe? 

Want access to this story? Sign up for my newsletter. (sign up here)

I’m having a ton of fun, and to celebrate, I wanted to spend the month highlighting some fun bits about these books from reader thoughts to background fun. Be sure to comment and tell me what you’d like to know more about.

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The Stories Stars Tell Read Along: The Final Week

It’s the final week of our The Stories Stars Tell Read Along! Are we ready for the final act of this story? It might be a touch painful.

And to celebrate, here’s a link to another post inspired by this story, a link to a short story I wrote in the aftermath, a sort of epilogue from Tanner’s point of view called Tanner and the Chopsticks, and a link to Griffin’s story, In the Echo of this Ghost Town.

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The Stores Stars Tell Read Along: Creative Extras

I’ve written a few extra pieces of content for The Stories Stars Tell only published here on my website. I thought it might be worth putting them here—all in one place—for you to peruse.

This is a short story written by The Stories Stars Tell Tanner James. It’s about the origin of his friend group and is called “The Bro Code Crew”

Tanner also “wrote” a guest blog about why Griffin became his best friend. Click HERE for that one.

This was a DELETED SCENE that didn’t make the book but shows how Tanner and Griffin became friends.

This is a letter to readers from Emma Matthews.

I really enjoy all of these extra creative bits that go with The Stories Stars Tell. And this week—for WEEK 3 of the Read Along, I think they will be even more fun to reexplore.

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The Stories Stars Tell Read Along: Favorite Scenes

Buy here.

This week’s section of the read along happens to also be some of my favorite scenes I’ve ever written.

I thought it would be fun to share some EXTRAS I created when I released The Stories Stars Tell back in October 2020… while we were all still shut in awaiting a Covid vaccine during the early months of the pandemic. Goodness. Sobering. Needless to say, I think a lot of these extras were published but not many people were as interested then. Maybe they’ll be more interesting now. :)

These posts were inspired by John Hughes movies which are a fun motif in The Stories Stars Tell. The following posts are written in conjunction with the films as they appear in the book.

John Hughes & The Stories Stars Tell by CL Walters

The Breakfast Club by Guest Blogger Emma Matthews

Pretty in Pink by Guest Blogger Ginny Donnelly

Sixteen Candles by Guest Blogger Liam Quinn

Ferris Bueller & Guest Panel: Emma, Ginny, & Liam

Seriously! Looking this stuff over, my marketing was pretty creative (too bad it didn’t hit. LOL). Next week, I’ll bring you a few more this time from Tanner’s side of things, but you can always check out the blog digest here if you don’t want to wait. Look for blogs published in September and October 2020.

Slide the photo gallery to see which pages will consist of Week 3.

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The Stories Stars Tell: Read along & Giveaway

If you’re subscribed to my newsletter you know that my word for the month of February is HEART (interpret that how you choose).  One of the books I’ve written that comes to mind when I think of the word HEART is The Stories Stars Tell. Why? Emma and Tanner. That’s it. Both of these characters have permanent residence in my heart. Who am I kidding? They all do to some extent. But where as some might be more fully in my brain or lungs, Tanner and Emma set up an apartment in the center of my heart, rent free. A big reason is because both characters were lifting some heavy bags and sifting through the contents. For Emma, the deconstruction of purity culture, and for Tanner, the deconstruction of toxic male culture. Maybe in many ways this story was catharsis for me as well. 

To celebrate this love story, I thought it would be fun to host a read along. Most of it will be on my Instagram account but you can follow along on Facebook as well as TikTok. Join me! Post about your week’s experience after the reading. Tag me and hashtag #emmatannerotp on Instagram, Facebook or TikTok. At the end of February, those that participate each week (US residents) will be entered in a giveaway of some The Stories Stars Tell merch.

Here on the blog, I’m going to be reposting some of my favorite content that accompanied the release of The Stories Stars Tell, blogs and content I’m really proud of and would love to share again. In honor of that, here’s a link to the blog I shared about why I wrote this book which I think explains a lot, but beware, there are sort of spoilers offering context about Emma and Tanner that give you a heads up to their journeys. So if you haven’t read the book, forewarning.

So this week, we’re reading the beginning though page 119. As you read, an idea is to keep in mind the word of the month HEART. How do both of these characters—this story—exemplify what that word means to you? Maybe that’s the inspiration for this week’s post.

Happy reading!

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