Jen Gilroy's Blog, page 17

Lessons from my daughter

English Rose celebrated her fifteenth birthday earlier this month. Although it seems like yesterday she marked that milestone first birthday, my ‘baby girl’ is becoming a young woman and, more and more, I glimpse the person who will soon be not only my daughter but also a friend.

This week, during one of our bedtime talks, I mentioned I didn’t know what to write for this blog post. “Why not share what you’ve learned from me?” she asked with a self-deprecating grin.

And so, this post was born. For the record, we also talked about what she’s learned from me, but that learning was far less interesting, especially because I seem to have a preoccupation with laundry!

Embrace your inner messiness 

When English Rose was a toddler, I was working (almost) full-time, and she spent weekdays at a nursery (daycare) near our English home.

Each morning, I’d drop her off for a day of fun with other children her age. And when I picked her up again, I was excited to share in her adventures, most of which were still visible on her person.

Whilst other little girls reached the end of the day in almost the same ‘bandbox fresh’ condition in which they started, not my daughter.

The contents of the nursery sandbox usually came home in her shoes, and her clothes were a canvas upon which she expressed her creativity with paints, Play-Doh and more.

Despite bibs, she routinely ‘wore’ her lunch and tea and, on one occasion got a sticky combination of Marmite and baked beans in her hair—resulting in my having to cut out a chunk of hair on one side of her head leaving her with a temporary bare patch.

Yet, unlike her tidier and less active friends, she was happily savouring life in big juicy gulps—a lesson I needed to learn in those rushed days of juggling early motherhood with a demanding job and stressful workplace culture.

Keep an open mind and reach out to others

If English Rose had a word to live by, it would be kindness.

In reaching out to others—often those who are marginalized or excluded in a particular situation—she’s taught me about empathy and to look at the world (and current teenage fashion!) in new ways.

Quick to help, comfort, teach by example and forgive, she wants to make the world a better place, one person and one small act of kindness at a time.

Face your fears and smile

Unlike her best friend for whom the world has always been a stage, English Rose is happier in a quieter, supporting role. 

When she was three, the prospect of playing a cow in a Christmas pantomime (a type of British theatre), gave her numerous disturbed nights. And in her reception (kindergarten) play, she was delighted to be in the last row on the backstage side because, as she put it, she could “escape” if it all got too much.

Yet, no matter how frightened she might be inside, she’s always faced life’s challenges with a smile, even when in more recent years those challenges have been far scarier than donning a cow costume in front of admiring parents. 

Live each day to the fullest

In the past two years since she was diagnosed with a painful chronic illness, and now as she undergoes further tests for new symptoms for which there are not yet answers, English Rose’s life has become a round of medical appointments and corresponding emotional roller-coaster—all in parallel with the usual teenage angst.

In these circumstances, it would be easy for her to feel sorry for herself and ask “why me?”

Yet, while there are days when she’s angry and sad, those times are rare. Instead, she keeps going, determined to make the best of what she has on a journey none of us ever wanted to be on, and live life with hope and as fully as she can.

My daughter is…

On that hot September morning more than fifteen years ago when English Rose came into my life, I knew my world would never be the same.

What I didn’t know then was how much better it would be—or how as I taught her (and it now stops me in my tracks when I hear my words coming out of her mouth), she’d also teach me.

As I said in the dedication to my second book, Summer on Firefly Lake, I’m so lucky to be her mum. 

English Rose is the biggest gift I’ve ever received, and I’m grateful for her, and the joy and inspiration she brings to my life, each and every day.

Now if she could only remember to put her dirty laundry in the basket…

Reading habits

One of my Facebook friends, cozy mystery author Lena Gregory, recently posted a question about reading habits, asking “how many books do you read on average?” She also noted that while she “used to read between three and five books a week,” these days, her reading time isn’t nearly as plentiful.

Lena’s question intrigued me, as did the comments in response. And they made me think about my own reading habits.

In childhood, six library books usually weren’t enough to last me from Saturday to Saturday. In adolescence, books were an escape from “real life,” and I read more then than at any time before or since. During my university years, I squeezed in fiction between the required academic reading. 

And then in my years commuting to or traveling for day jobs, I devoured novels on buses, trains and planes. As a new mum, I always had a book to hand to share with English Rose.  

Why I read—for entertainment, comfort, escape, relaxation, inspiration and learning—hasn’t changed over the years, but how much and where I read certainly has and, like Lena, I don’t read as many books each week as I used to.

When I’m in the midst of writing the first draft of a book and hold myself to a daily word count deadline, reading is a “reward” for meeting that target. During that drafting phase, though, I rarely read contemporary romance or women’s fiction because I fear being subconsciously influenced by another author’s work. Instead, I read non-fiction, travel memoirs, historical novels or young adult stories.

These days, I also usually only read in a short slice of time before bed, although I never leave the house without a book in my bag so I can dip into a chapter while waiting in a grocery store line, at a doctor’s office or when stuck in traffic.  

However, this month was different, and when Lena’s question made me look back on my August reading, I realized I’d whizzed through nine books and had started on a tenth.

As such, I’d read more than two books each week throughout the month, something I hadn’t done for at least fifteen years (which, coincidentally, aligns with English Rose’s birth)!

So, what caused this happy detour from my typical reading habits?

I was on vacation for a week and always read more when I’m away from home.

Then I was in western Canada for two weeks taking care of some family business. Although I worked sporadically on writing during that time, I was thinking about and planning stories instead of putting new words on the page. For most of that trip, I was also on my own and, without Tech Guy and English Rose nearby, I had much more time to read.

 During this reading “binge,” I found and reread two children’s books I’d forgotten in many years of moves and busy adulthood. 

I also read three women’s fiction novels, two romances (I’m a new fan of Roxanne St. Claire’s Dogfather series), a Campfire Girls story a then teenage relative received as a school prize in the 1920’s, and a non-fiction book about a women’s network.

And all that reading reminded me how much I enjoy reading for pleasure—not as an author to assess how the story has been constructed and characters developed—but reading for the sole joy of discovering a good story and savouring it through to the end.

After the Labour Day weekend here in North America, English Rose goes back to school, and I’ll go back to my daily word count and be lucky to read two or three books each month from now until Christmas.  

But as I write this post, there are still a few days of unstructured reading left and I intend to make the most of them!  

Inspired by Lena, how many books do you read in a week or month?

And if you read cozy mysteries, find out more about Lena Gregory and her books on her website here.

Going on a road trip

When I think about summer (and especially during a long, cold Canadian winter), one of the first things to come to mind is the road trip.

Growing up, summer road trips were a highlight of my year. With my parents and the family dog too, I crisscrossed Canada and sometimes the US, exploring wilderness areas, historic sites, cities, small towns and more.

Looking back, those trips helped shape the writer I’d become.

Along with giving me rich sensory memories I now mine for my books, they introduced me to a world beyond home with new people, new ways of looking at the world and often markedly different speech patterns.

A part of me still melts whenever I hear a US Southern accent because of a trip to Tennessee in my teens, and the blond-haired, blue-eyed Georgia boy at the campsite next to ours!

With my own family, I took road trips while living in the UK too, including one memorable (for the wrong reasons) excursion through Belgium, France and Germany. On that trip, a toddler English Rose covered her ears when anyone spoke to her in a language that wasn’t English and refused all manner of continental breakfast delicacies, insisting loudly on “toast” and “Marmite” until the very last day when she wanted “croissant.”

Last week, I made new memories on a road trip of a different kind. Since English Rose was diagnosed with a chronic medical condition two years ago, the holidays we’re able to take have changed. Long car journeys are out at the moment (as are long-haul flights), and as in everyday life, we have to plan vacation activities day-by-day around what she’s able to manage.

 This year, we travelled just over an hour from home to the beautiful Thousand Islands area along the St. Lawrence River between southern Ontario, Canada and northern New York State. After a few days exploring Kingston, Ontario, one of Canada’s most historic cities, we then went on to Toronto to spend the rest of the week there, using the apartment where Tech Guy lives during the week as a base. 

Although much different than the road trips of my childhood, it was also still much the same.

Then and now, the weather was hot, the sky was (mostly) blue, and puffy clouds drifted high overhead.

Then and now, we visited museums and historic sites, the “culture” my parents and now I insist on, and we also made new friends.

And then and now, small things went wrong. 

Items were lost (two phone charger cords between Kingston and Toronto), forgotten at home (a bottle of sun screen and a bathing suit), and there were disagreements, usually related to directions.

But then and now, I spent unstructured leisure time with the people I love most and nurtured family bonds in ways I don’t do at home.

And now in particular, I’m grateful because this road trip was a special blessing. Despite the many medical challenges English Rose faces, we were still able to get away to do something fun that will be a highlight of the year for all of us. 

And the icing on this particular road trip cake? Although we were almost a thousand miles north of the Mason-Dixon Line, I even heard a Southern accent, a blue-eyed silver fox from Virginia staying at the same Kingston hotel as us.

Although I have a happy life with my own blue-eyed, increasingly silver fox, I still took note of the Virginia one…for research purposes, of course!

“Me” time

Like most mid-life women (and undoubtedly men too), I don’t get much time that’s solely for “me”—to recharge, reflect and “be” in myself.  

In the last week, though, I had that time and it reminded me of the importance of self-care in life as well as writing.

Attending a writing conference in the UK, thousands of miles (and the Atlantic Ocean) away from home, I was removed from family and domestic crises large and small. Since I left my laptop behind, and apart from checking social media on mobile devices, I was removed from day-to-day writing tasks too.

As a result, I nurtured friendships in person rather than through the interface of a screen and grew those connections in ways that will sustain me in the months and years to come.

Through the conference workshops, I learned new things about writing and myself as a writer. 

By the seaside in North Wales, at the conference venue near Leeds, and during the day I spent in Manchester, I walked and noticed the world around me in ways I don’t often do at home.

A flower petal, the arc of a building, and how the sun dappled the sea—these things and more helped me focus on life beyond writing, solve problems and hit a much-needed “refresh button” on my brain. 

I also had unstructured time to think seriously about what matters most to me, review my goals and, looking ahead to the next half of the year, set some new ones.

Although I missed Tech Guy, English Rose and Floppy Ears, having some time alone and a bit of an escape from everyday life helped me refill my well in ways I needed to be a happier and healthier wife and mum.

And I came home with ideas for two new books, lighter in weight from all that walking, but heavier in reading, including a SIGNED copy of my friend Kate Field’s wonderful, award-winning debut, The Magic of Ramblings. 

With International Self Care Day coming up on July 24, there’s no better time to take that next step to incorporate more “me time” into my everyday life to keep the benefits flowing.

Do you have any tips for scheduling self-care into your routine?

Note: In the spirit of self-care, I’m taking a little break from blogging for a summer holiday with my family. I’ll be back with my next blog post on 17 August 2018.

Going (to my second) home

If, like me, you’ve spent half your adult life living outside the country of your birth, “home” is flexible.

Although “home” for me is wherever Tech Guy and English Rose are, beyond that, I often picture myself straddling a little island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, one leg stretched towards the UK, the other in the direction of Canada.

I’m happily settled in a small town in Eastern Ontario, Canada (an area where my family roots extend to 1819), but by virtue of living in England for so many years and holding dual Canadian/British nationality, England will always be my “second home.”

I haven’t been back to the UK since 2016, but in a few days, I’ll kiss Tech Guy and English Rose goodbye to fly to Manchester to spend a week in the north of England to attend a writing conference and visit friends.

Although I love Canada, I love England too and for reasons that go beyond its built heritage and pretty countryside, literary sites, fabulous fashion and shoes!

British reserve

As an introvert, I’m supremely comfortable in a country where chatting to strangers in public isn’t expected and indeed may (politely) be frowned upon.

And when chatting does take place, there’s something oddly reassuring about starting a conversation by talking about the weather. 

Humour

Along with understatement, self-deprecating British humour is one of the things I miss most about my adopted country.

People in the UK have mastered the art of sarcasm and irony, and also find humour in the foibles of everyday life in ways I haven’t experienced elsewhere.

Language

Along with packing my suitcase and pulling out my British passport (in its pretty pink holder, a present from an English friend), I’m also dusting off the British vocabulary I don’t use in Canada except with my immediate family.

From being “gobsmacked” (astonished) to having something go “pear-shaped” (go wrong), British English brims with words to delight a wordsmith like me.

During my travels, I plan to visit several “shops” (stores) to buy “bits and bobs” (odds and ends), including stocking up on some favourite “sweets” (candies).

If the current UK heatwave continues, I may even have an “ice lolly” (popsicle) or a “99 Flake” (a vanilla ice cream cone with a melt-in-the-mouth crumbly chocolate bar).

The seaside

When I lived in England, I lived almost as far inland as it’s possible to be in an island nation. 

Yet, when I’m in the UK, and no matter the time of year, a trip to the seaside is one of my favourite ways to spend a day. There’s something about walking on a pier with the gulls wheeling overhead, a book tucked into my bag, and the smell of fish and chips on the breeze, that nourishes my soul.

Two countries and two identities coexist in my life. But when I step off the plane next Tuesday morning, the British part of me will once again and, if only briefly, be “home.”  

 

 

 

Summertime…

With temperatures topping 30 Celsius (90 degrees Fahrenheit) in the Rideau Valley this week, it’s indeed summertime in my small town.

From the fishing spot off the town dock, to the outdoor swimming pool, and lines at local ice cream shops, everyone is savouring seasonal joys.

I’m writing this blog post on my porch (to a soundtrack of that Gershwin classic, “Summertime”) and thinking about my own special summer moments.

Endless days

In a northern country, and after a dark and cold winter, summer’s long, bright days are a cherished gift.

For an instant, as the sunlight slips through the slats in my bedroom blinds to crisscross the wooden floor, I’m a child again, waking on the first morning of the long summer holiday with no plans beyond fun.

Farmer’s markets and summer food

There’s a weekly farmer’s market at the end of my street and wandering around the stalls and buying fresh local fruit and vegetables, homemade jam, cupcakes, seasonal pies and more is one of my favourite ways to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Then there’s savouring the bounty at home with BBQ’s, fruit crumbles, summery salads, and other treats unique to this time of year.

Travel

Summer is also the season for exploration whether it’s a longer trip, an excursion closer to home, or even in my own backyard. 

Since English Rose hasn’t been well, we haven’t yet booked a summer holiday but whether near or far, we’re still planning to take time off as a family to stop, recharge, and reconnect.

One of this summer’s highlights for me will be spending a week in England in July to attend the annual conference of the Romantic Novelists’ Association (RNA), held this year in Leeds.

With workshops on the craft and business of writing romantic fiction, I’ll come home energized and inspired, and with tips and tools to help make my future books better.

I’m also looking forward to catching up with friends, and swapping my writing “uniform” of yoga pants, T-shirts and slippers for real clothes and, of course, shoes (glam heels for the gala dinner!). 

Smells and sounds

Whether it’s the damp scent of the creek that runs through my town, the sweet, smoky aroma of a cook-out, or the faint echo of music from an outdoor festival, summer is sensory rich.

Listening to summer rain patter on the porch roof while breathing in the smell of damp grass and flowers makes for one of my happy places—timeless and forever calming.

Reading on the porch

Not only do I read different kinds of books in the summer (bring on the beach read!), but there’s something about reading outdoors, either on my porch, in a park, or by a body of water, that means I also read differently.

I read more slowly (and with extra interruptions of the four-legged kind), but I also reread old favourites more than usual, almost like revisiting treasured vacation spots.  

I’m stocked up on books, my cosy reading socks have been packed away in favour of bare feet or flip-flops, and iced tea and pink lemonade are at the ready.  

I wish you summer joys and many special moments of your own.

And if you’re looking to add to your stock of beach reads, my first book, The Cottage at Firefly Lake features in a new box set, Summer Lovin’ Beach Reads Collection, released earlier this month. 

This 5-book, e-book box set of romance novels full of sun, sand and summer fun also includes Last Kiss of Summer by Marina Adair, One Week to the Wedding by Olivia Miles, Meet Me at the Beach by V.K. Sykes, and Jo Watson’s Burning Moon.

Amazon US

A mazon UK

Amazon Canada

Barnes & Noble

Google Play

iTunes

Kobo

Chapters-Indigo

 

 

Celebrating fictional heroines: My top five

In each story I write, I aim to create strong, independent heroines who face real-life challenges that other women can relate to.

I’ve realized, though, that the heroines and their journeys I create in my own books have much to do with my favourite fictional heroines—the girls and women who shaped me as a person, as well as an author.

Amongst a long list, here are my top five.

Jo March (from Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women)

In my early teens, I wanted to be Jo. She’s independent, brave, and often unconventional, but always devoted to her family.  

Best of all, Jo wants to be a published author and her literary efforts helped inspire my writing dream.

Laura Ingalls (from the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder)

Like the indomitable Laura, I too had brown hair and wished it were blonde. I also made mistakes and wasn’t perfect. And when I was ten, I counted Laura Ingalls as one of my very best friends.

In retrospect, though, Laura’s experiences on the American frontier also taught me about perseverance, courage, faith, and being grateful for small joys.

Not least, the Little House books introduced me to women’s history and the important roles played by girls and women in pioneer families—an interest that continues in my adult life. 

Sara Crewe (from Frances Hodgson’s Burnett’s A Little Princess)

This riches-to-rags, and then return to riches story made an indelible impression on me as a child. The heroine, Sara, is imaginative, resourceful, and brave and, despite enduring many hardships, stays true to who she is to earn her fairy tale ending.

And for any girl who ever felt excluded from a group as I often did, A Little Princess is a feel-good story where in the end, the bullies, both adult and child, get what they deserve!

Valancy Stirling (from L.M. Montgomery’s The Blue Castle)

A fairy tale of a different sort is The Blue Castle by the author of the much better known Anne of Green Gables series. Although not labeled as such, The Blue Castle is probably the first romance I ever read.

At the age of twenty-nine, Valancy Stirling, is plain, has no marriage prospects at a time when a “good marriage” was considered a woman’s primary goal, and is constrained by her domineering and gossipy family. Yet, and like many romantic heroines after her, Valancy finds the courage to change her life and become the heroine of her own story.

When I first read The Blue Castle as a teenager, Valancy’s journey to independence and personal fulfilment taught me much about self-belief and being true to who you really are. 

And at its core, the romance between Valancy and the mysterious Barney Snaith models the kind of romantic relationships I now write about—ones based on mutual respect, friendship, and shared interests.

Katherine Mary Flannigan (from Benedict and Nancy Freedman’s Mrs Mike)

Set in the Canadian wilderness in the early nineteenth century, this story is another favourite teenage read that has stood the test of time.

The sixteen-year-old heroine, Katherine Mary Flannigan, is independent, strong, and resilient in the face of what for most would be unimaginable hardship and tragedy. As she grows and changes through the course of the book, I learned about love, marriage, and living life on your own terms.

All that, plus a handsome, kind, capable, and swoon-worthy Mountie hero!

These books and many more gave me positive female role models who inspired me and taught me about the feminine experience. They also encouraged me to be myself and helped me learn to make the best of difficult times.

Books can change lives and, at an early age, these are some that changed mine. What fictional heroines inspire you?

Driving English Rose

Some people like driving, and getting behind the wheel of a car and heading for the open road is one of their happy places. I’m not one of those people!

As a sedentary writer, one of the things I like best about my small-town life is that I live within walking distance of essential services. Most days, the car sits in the driveway, and I only use it on the rare occasions when I need to go farther afield.

Yet, over the past few weeks, I’ve spent many hours on four wheels. As some of you know, English Rose had a bad accident in school gym class in late April and between a concussion, knee/leg injury, and her existing chronic health condition, she’s had multiple medical appointments—five last week alone.

However, as I’ve driven around the Rideau Valley from north to south and various points in between, I’ve found unexpected blessings.

Watching spring come

After a long, harsh winter, each day brings new signs of spring. From the first hint of leaves on the winter-bare trees, to a mist of technicolor green punctuated by colorful spring blooms, my journeys along rural roads have encouraged me to celebrate the joys this season of renewal brings.

And this year, I’ve truly savoured the sights and scents of spring’s gentle progress, from daffodils to tulips and now crab apple blossoms, along with muddy farm fields being readied for planting. 

Rural mailboxes

Living in a town and collecting mail at the post office, I was oblivious to how the humble mailbox can be a piece of roadside folk art.

Mailboxes shaped like fish, barns, log cabins, dogs, cows, trucks and even boats dot our rural landscape, and “spot the mailbox” has become a new favourite game. 

Teachable moments

In Ontario, we’re preparing for a provincial election (a bit like an election for a state government in the US) and lawn signs promoting candidates proliferate like dandelions.

Thanks to my travels, I’m now well-versed on the different candidates and their platforms, and English Rose and I have had several thoughtful conversations about what governments do.

In the not too distant past, women in Canada (and elsewhere) didn’t have the right to vote. Each time I’m in a polling booth, I remember the women who fought to give me the franchise and marking my ballot is a responsibility I take seriously.

Some of the most important lessons I can teach my daughter are that casting a vote in a public election is a privilege, and how to assess what each candidate and party offers to make an informed choice.

Mother-daughter bonding

In what seems like the blink of an eye, my “little” English Rose became a teenager and, to some extent, part of a world I often don’t understand.

These car journeys have helped us talk about big life issues in low-key and non-threatening ways. I’ve also found out more about her friends, dreams, and worries than I ever would have at home in our living room.

We’ve laughed together more than usual too, celebrating our similarities and differences, and I get glimpses of the adult friend I hope my daughter will become…someone with whom I’ll still share a love of discovering ice cream shops and beautiful places to enjoy sweet treats. 

 

 

Important GDPR and blog subscription information

Dear readers,

As some of you know, the European Union (EU) is introducing the new General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) which comes into effect on 25 May 2018.

I’m based in North America, but EU residents subscribe to my blog mailings. As such, and to ensure compliance with this new regulation, I’m sending a message to all subscribers to update you on some important information about your subscription, as well as how data collected from you is used.

Although I hope you enjoy receiving my blog (sent out every two weeks), this message is a reminder that since you opted-in to receive my blog via email, you can also opt out at any time via the “unsubscribe now” link at the very bottom of this, or future emails.

Please also be aware that there is a new privacy policy on my website outlining details of the collection, use and disclosure of personal information you supplied as part of subscribing to my blog. For further information, please read this policy here: http://www.jengilroy.com/privacy-policy/

If you also subscribe to my author newsletter (sent out quarterly and/or when I have new book news), I sent a similar message to those subscribers on Thursday, 17 May 2018. 

Thank you for reading my blog, and for your continued interest in my books and writing life. If you have questions related to this message or how I collect and handle your personal data, please contact me at jen@jengilroy.com

Best wishes,

Jen

Advice for life after the happy ending

In romantic fiction, happy endings are a given. However, one of the reasons I enjoy writing (and reading) epilogues, as well as books in a series, is because I can dip into the lives of characters after the main story ends and they’re living their happy ever after (HEA).

In the book I’m currently writing, the heroine’s mother gives her advice about love and marriage. As such, I’ve thought about some of the motherly (and grandmotherly) advice I’ve received—words of wisdom that still impact my life and, sometimes, also make their way into my fiction.

Don’t worry about the wedding, worry about the marriage

Marriage is hard work but thanks to that work, I’ve learned lessons about myself, as well as the man I married.

While I’ll never be the most patient person, I’ve learned to be more flexible and compromise for the greater good.

I’ve also learned about teamwork, although with Tech Guy that doesn’t extend to sharing a closet, a suitcase, or taking ballroom dancing lessons together. Compromise only goes so far and I have my limits—and he knows them! 

Choose a man who will wear well in the wash

Like fast fashion, flashy men come and go, but for durability and longevity, the man who is good husband material is like a piece of classic tailoring—suitable for all life seasons and able to withstand even the strongest storms.

Tech Guy was my rock through a difficult pregnancy with English Rose, the deaths of both my parents, work crises large and small and, for an endless fifteen months, an unexpected long-distance marriage. He’s also my strength and comfort in helping English Rose cope with a debilitating (and currently incurable) chronic medical condition. 

There’s a bit of his stability and goodness in every hero I write, and through storms that would have felled many lesser men, he hasn’t wavered.

Like Sean Carmichael, the hero of my first book, The Cottage at Firefly Lake, my Tech Guy “has broad shoulders, and there’s no shame in leaning on those shoulders” when I need to.

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar

Kind words reinforce a loving bond; harsh words weaken it.

While Tech Guy isn’t the best or most voluble communicator, I know he always means well. And just as he tries to find the best in me, I seek the best in him even under trying circumstances—such as his reluctance to ask for directions.  

Like all couples, we disagree (and if he ever remembers to tuck his chair back under a table after a meal it will be a minor miracle), but we also don’t go to bed angry with each other.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst

After the wedding cake is eaten, the dress packed away, and photos tucked in an album, real life, with its twists, turns and potholes beckons.

As my mother often said, “it’s good we can’t see what lies ahead.” Life and sometimes tragedy happen, and few couples will celebrate fifty-six years of marriage as two members of my church community did several weeks ago.

Yet, no matter what the future brings, I’m blessed to have Tech Guy by my side. And on 13 May, we’ll mark the twenty-third anniversary of our engagement, the beginning of our own HEA journey.

At a hospital appointment several months ago, I watched as an elderly man gently pushed his frail, grey-haired wife in a wheelchair. Seeing those two together, still very much in love, reminded me of what I hope for in my own life.

Not a romance novel, but lifelong love, trust, respect, and devotion—the happiest HEA of all.