Lucy Adams's Blog, page 24
December 12, 2011
East Coast - West Coast Communication Breakdown
For an upcoming freelance article targeted at helping parents navigate the tricky and oftne murky waters of teen romance, I put in a query at an on-line expert listserve for an expert source. My query read thus:
Summary: Teen Love
Due Date: 2011-11-22 19:00:00 EST
Industry Categories: General,Lifestyle and Fitness
Query: For the February issue of Augusta Family Magazine I'm working on a parents' guide to handling your teenager's romance. I am looking for a child development, or other, expert familiar with the topic of parenting teens. I will need answers to questions such as: 1) When is a parent too involved with the relationship and why should this be avoided?
2) What are the best ways to engage a teenager when discussing his/her romantic relationship?
3) How can parents ensure that their children maintain healthy romantic relationships?
4) What are the signs of trouble that every parent should be able to spot? ...and so forth. The interview can be conducted by phone or by email.
In your response to my query, please include your credentials and a few lines reflecting your thoughts on this topic. I will contact you if your expertise is right for the article.
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The very first response I received within a couple of hours was this from a PR representative inWest Hollywood, CA 90069:
Hope all is well. We rep two relationship experts who can provide good health-related reasons why cuddling and relaxing in bed with your partner is good for you. Please consider this nationally recognized experts for your article.
That's not what I meant by "healthy romantic relationships" in my query. Here in the southeast, in the first buckle hole of the Bible Belt, we're not too keen on our teenagers cuddling and relaxing in bed together. In fact the teen pregnancy rates in this area of the country indicate that too much of that is going on already.
I guess her response is just another example of the the east coast - west coast communication gap. If questioned, she would probably defend herself by saying that my query was too slow for her to understand.
Summary: Teen Love
Due Date: 2011-11-22 19:00:00 EST
Industry Categories: General,Lifestyle and Fitness
Query: For the February issue of Augusta Family Magazine I'm working on a parents' guide to handling your teenager's romance. I am looking for a child development, or other, expert familiar with the topic of parenting teens. I will need answers to questions such as: 1) When is a parent too involved with the relationship and why should this be avoided?
2) What are the best ways to engage a teenager when discussing his/her romantic relationship?
3) How can parents ensure that their children maintain healthy romantic relationships?
4) What are the signs of trouble that every parent should be able to spot? ...and so forth. The interview can be conducted by phone or by email.
In your response to my query, please include your credentials and a few lines reflecting your thoughts on this topic. I will contact you if your expertise is right for the article.
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The very first response I received within a couple of hours was this from a PR representative inWest Hollywood, CA 90069:
Hope all is well. We rep two relationship experts who can provide good health-related reasons why cuddling and relaxing in bed with your partner is good for you. Please consider this nationally recognized experts for your article.
That's not what I meant by "healthy romantic relationships" in my query. Here in the southeast, in the first buckle hole of the Bible Belt, we're not too keen on our teenagers cuddling and relaxing in bed together. In fact the teen pregnancy rates in this area of the country indicate that too much of that is going on already.
I guess her response is just another example of the the east coast - west coast communication gap. If questioned, she would probably defend herself by saying that my query was too slow for her to understand.
December 8, 2011
Quick Christmas Cash
My email overfloweth with "good fortunate." And my bank account soon will, too. This year I have no fear of suffering from the annual Christmas-cash-strap. No sir. Just read:
Firstly, I think i would start all with a proper introduction of myself. My name is Mrs. Rabia Kabir, a 51 years old woman suffering from a long time cancer of the breast a widow to late Mustafa Kabir in Iraq, One Year ago, I lost my husband Mustafa and three children - Husam, 15 years old, Wasim, 12 years old and Merna, 6years old, this happened as the family attempted to flee heavy fighting in Baghdad.
Before my husband and children were killed, he deposited the sum of $10,000.000 (Ten Million Dollars) in a security company. My Doctor told me that I would not last for the next two months due to cancer stage. Having known my condition I decided to donate this funds to a God fearing individual. And this one, from a young girl so sad and in desperate need of my aid and comfort:
I am Angela Louis 19 years young and the only daughter of my late parents Mr. and Mrs. Bob Louis My father was a highly reputable business Magnet-(a cocoa and oil merchant) who operated in the capital of Ivory Coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad.
My mother died when I was just 5 years young, since then my father took me so special. Before his death he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told him that he has the sum of Four Million five hundred thousand United State Dollars (US$ 4,500,000.00) left in one of the leading bank hear Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire and the money was placed in a fixed deposit account. I am just 19 years young and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life.
Dearest one I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions 1. Can you honestly help me as your sister? 2. Can I completely trust you? 3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money is in your account?
But that's not all. In addition to donations for my good deeds, I'm also due an inheritance: My name is John Fanzi, a consultant to the government on foreign remittance payment. I am an heir hunter. When people die intestate (without a will) and with no known relatives, their names are released by the Treasury. Every Thursday, a list of these unclaimed estates, the Bona Vacantia ( Latin for "ownerless goods" ) is published on the Treasury Solicitor's website. The race is then on for heir locators to track down the often distant relatives in line for a windfall.
After proper verification through records of births, deaths and marriages along with censuses, electoral registers and other documents, and with your email address as the only contact detail on file; it has been approved that you should receive an inheritance payment of $5,000,000.00 (Five Million United States Dollars). So many promissory notes arrive in my spam folder each day that I have taken to responding, so that the senders will not think me ungrateful for being the target of their goodwill. Prosperity has even forced me to turn down an offer from Dr. Osamu Nagayama, who desires to retain me as a payment agent for Chungai, Inc. If interested in the position, I must send him my name, home address, phone number, and current job title. Though I am flattered by the faith he has in my ability to manage the company's receivables through my personal bank account, I declined for practical reasons:
Apologies. Though your tendering of such a sweet deal might have made me salivate last month, I find that I am the happy victim of a windfall of change (and dollars). Akim Musa is giving me 105% of $15.5 million. And all he requires are my account numbers for the deposit. Plus he's sending me a goat.
Firstly, I think i would start all with a proper introduction of myself. My name is Mrs. Rabia Kabir, a 51 years old woman suffering from a long time cancer of the breast a widow to late Mustafa Kabir in Iraq, One Year ago, I lost my husband Mustafa and three children - Husam, 15 years old, Wasim, 12 years old and Merna, 6years old, this happened as the family attempted to flee heavy fighting in Baghdad.
Before my husband and children were killed, he deposited the sum of $10,000.000 (Ten Million Dollars) in a security company. My Doctor told me that I would not last for the next two months due to cancer stage. Having known my condition I decided to donate this funds to a God fearing individual. And this one, from a young girl so sad and in desperate need of my aid and comfort:
I am Angela Louis 19 years young and the only daughter of my late parents Mr. and Mrs. Bob Louis My father was a highly reputable business Magnet-(a cocoa and oil merchant) who operated in the capital of Ivory Coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad.
My mother died when I was just 5 years young, since then my father took me so special. Before his death he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told him that he has the sum of Four Million five hundred thousand United State Dollars (US$ 4,500,000.00) left in one of the leading bank hear Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire and the money was placed in a fixed deposit account. I am just 19 years young and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life.
Dearest one I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions 1. Can you honestly help me as your sister? 2. Can I completely trust you? 3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money is in your account?
But that's not all. In addition to donations for my good deeds, I'm also due an inheritance: My name is John Fanzi, a consultant to the government on foreign remittance payment. I am an heir hunter. When people die intestate (without a will) and with no known relatives, their names are released by the Treasury. Every Thursday, a list of these unclaimed estates, the Bona Vacantia ( Latin for "ownerless goods" ) is published on the Treasury Solicitor's website. The race is then on for heir locators to track down the often distant relatives in line for a windfall.
After proper verification through records of births, deaths and marriages along with censuses, electoral registers and other documents, and with your email address as the only contact detail on file; it has been approved that you should receive an inheritance payment of $5,000,000.00 (Five Million United States Dollars). So many promissory notes arrive in my spam folder each day that I have taken to responding, so that the senders will not think me ungrateful for being the target of their goodwill. Prosperity has even forced me to turn down an offer from Dr. Osamu Nagayama, who desires to retain me as a payment agent for Chungai, Inc. If interested in the position, I must send him my name, home address, phone number, and current job title. Though I am flattered by the faith he has in my ability to manage the company's receivables through my personal bank account, I declined for practical reasons:
Apologies. Though your tendering of such a sweet deal might have made me salivate last month, I find that I am the happy victim of a windfall of change (and dollars). Akim Musa is giving me 105% of $15.5 million. And all he requires are my account numbers for the deposit. Plus he's sending me a goat.
December 5, 2011
With a Click of His Mouse up the Chimney He Rose
Santa is making his list and checking it off in preparation for his big night.
What about you? Have you finished your Christmas shopping? Have you started?
Save yourself some fuss and frazzle by giving the gifts of a good read and a good laugh. A set of books that will keep them rolling under the Christmas tree is just a mouse click away.
If Mama Don't Laugh, It Ain't Funny takes readers on a romp with an AWOL hermit crab, a three legged pig and an immortal roach. Parents will relate to the perfectly impossible picture day and go giggly over illicit rhyming words. If Mama Don't Laugh will have spouses spontaneously reading out loud to each other while laughing until stuff comes out of their noses:
Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run chronicles the mayhem, mishaps, misjudgments, miscalculations and maladaptations of an ordinary day gone off the chain. You can run with Reba who's naked at the garden gate and sample Mama's bar-b-cue and Brunswick stew that doesn't come with slaw. Attend a pig roast with the communists and stroll down the aisle with a 40 year-old bridesmaid as she tries to convince herself that she's still beautiful. Adventures into and out of embarrassing situations abound:
Order from Amazon.com by clicking on the book titles or covers above.
Or make it an extra special gift by purchasing signed copies from the IfMama.com shop. For personalization, send me an email after placing your order. Your email should include your order ID, the name of the person receiving the gift, and two sentences about why you think this is the perfect gift for him or her. I'll mail your books within two days of payment.
Christmas shopping doesn't get any easier than that.
What about you? Have you finished your Christmas shopping? Have you started?
Save yourself some fuss and frazzle by giving the gifts of a good read and a good laugh. A set of books that will keep them rolling under the Christmas tree is just a mouse click away.
If Mama Don't Laugh, It Ain't Funny takes readers on a romp with an AWOL hermit crab, a three legged pig and an immortal roach. Parents will relate to the perfectly impossible picture day and go giggly over illicit rhyming words. If Mama Don't Laugh will have spouses spontaneously reading out loud to each other while laughing until stuff comes out of their noses:
Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run chronicles the mayhem, mishaps, misjudgments, miscalculations and maladaptations of an ordinary day gone off the chain. You can run with Reba who's naked at the garden gate and sample Mama's bar-b-cue and Brunswick stew that doesn't come with slaw. Attend a pig roast with the communists and stroll down the aisle with a 40 year-old bridesmaid as she tries to convince herself that she's still beautiful. Adventures into and out of embarrassing situations abound:
Order from Amazon.com by clicking on the book titles or covers above.
Or make it an extra special gift by purchasing signed copies from the IfMama.com shop. For personalization, send me an email after placing your order. Your email should include your order ID, the name of the person receiving the gift, and two sentences about why you think this is the perfect gift for him or her. I'll mail your books within two days of payment.
Christmas shopping doesn't get any easier than that.
December 2, 2011
The Black Forest
It's a well known fact that I'm a holiday humbug, a Christmas crank. I dread the countdowns to Santa's big night. The object of standing a Christmas tree in every room of the house is lost on me. Shopping, baking, decorating, partying and putting on a perfect Christmas persona leave me bedraggled. My favorite day of the season is December 26th.
Though I make no bones about my feelings, I do realize they are not popular. And while I really do try to avoid any extra cooking during the days ahead, I will make a guest a mixed drink in hot minute. It expresses goodwill toward my fellow woman (without a heap of work) and it puts us all in good cheer, which, as I understand it, is in the true spirit of the season.
To commemorate entering the figurative black forest of holiday mayhem, let's raise a toast to surviving to December 26th. Fill your highball with this mood brightening concoction, which is better than a box of chocolate covered cherries, from my favorite yuletide tome, Peterson's Holiday Helper :
Black Forest8 ounces chocolate liqueur1 ounce cherry brandy1 ounce cherry liqueur1/2 ounce heavy cream1 maraschino cherry for garnish
Directions: Mix, shake, serve over ice. Give the jar of cherries to the kids so they won't tell daddy that you're hiding in the pantry drinking chocolate again. Serves 1.
Though I make no bones about my feelings, I do realize they are not popular. And while I really do try to avoid any extra cooking during the days ahead, I will make a guest a mixed drink in hot minute. It expresses goodwill toward my fellow woman (without a heap of work) and it puts us all in good cheer, which, as I understand it, is in the true spirit of the season.
To commemorate entering the figurative black forest of holiday mayhem, let's raise a toast to surviving to December 26th. Fill your highball with this mood brightening concoction, which is better than a box of chocolate covered cherries, from my favorite yuletide tome, Peterson's Holiday Helper :
Black Forest8 ounces chocolate liqueur1 ounce cherry brandy1 ounce cherry liqueur1/2 ounce heavy cream1 maraschino cherry for garnish
Directions: Mix, shake, serve over ice. Give the jar of cherries to the kids so they won't tell daddy that you're hiding in the pantry drinking chocolate again. Serves 1.
December 1, 2011
A Big Tuck Your Skirt Blog Tour Thank You
The Tuck Your Skirt 2011 Blog Tour for the advancement of
Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run
(which makes a very nice Christmas gift for all of the ladies on your list) was a wild success. It was thrilling and exhausting and exciting and now it's finished. Whew! I made it.
I could not have done it without the help of so many fabulous bloggers. Thank You! Please take a moment to visit some of them. Introduce yourself. Explore their sites. Make a few new friends.
Quintessential Housewife
Mommalicious
Through the Eyes of a Tiger
Southern Protocol
My Crazy Life
Cubicle Sanity
Simply Southern Girl
Rebel Belle Creative Madness
Queen of the Castle(s)
Momfog
The Geeky Blogger
Rita Reviews
Diminishing Gene Pool Pocketful of Playdough
Marvelous Mommy Rewiring the Soul
Future Fit Girl Proper Southern Woman
I could not have done it without the help of so many fabulous bloggers. Thank You! Please take a moment to visit some of them. Introduce yourself. Explore their sites. Make a few new friends.
Quintessential Housewife
Mommalicious
Through the Eyes of a Tiger
Southern Protocol
My Crazy Life
Cubicle Sanity
Simply Southern Girl
Rebel Belle Creative Madness
Queen of the Castle(s)
Momfog
The Geeky Blogger
Rita Reviews
Diminishing Gene Pool Pocketful of Playdough
Marvelous Mommy Rewiring the Soul
Future Fit Girl Proper Southern Woman
November 30, 2011
Proper Southern Woman
The Tuck Your Skirt 2011 Blog Tour is running full tilt today at
Proper Southern Woman
. You can read an excerpt from
Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run
titled Girl in Cornflower Blue. It's the tale of what happens to a proper southern woman when she stuffs herself into a bridesmaid dress at the ripe age of 40. Is she still pretty? You read and decide.
Stick around at Proper Southern Woman and collect a few tips and tricks for perfecting your proper persona.
The end of November has finally arrived and today concludes the Tuck Your Skirt 2011 Blog Tour. I've met so many wonderful women on the journey and I appreciate each one's hospitality. It's been fun sharing some insight into me and Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run.
Please take a few minutes to visit the blog tour hosts . Each blog is unique and worth the read.
I'd love to visit your blog, too. Email me if you're interested in hosting a guest post.
Stick around at Proper Southern Woman and collect a few tips and tricks for perfecting your proper persona.
The end of November has finally arrived and today concludes the Tuck Your Skirt 2011 Blog Tour. I've met so many wonderful women on the journey and I appreciate each one's hospitality. It's been fun sharing some insight into me and Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run.
Please take a few minutes to visit the blog tour hosts . Each blog is unique and worth the read.
I'd love to visit your blog, too. Email me if you're interested in hosting a guest post.
November 29, 2011
Future Fit Girl
The Tuck Your Skirt 2011 Blog Tour is running full tilt today at
Future Fit Girl
. Stop by to see what she has to say and to listen to a podcast from
Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run
titled Double Dog Dare Ya, a story of true love and what happens when it gets a taste of fresh air and rural living.
Through the end of November, I'm visiting blogs around the country, participating in Q&A, sharing excerpts from Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run , and giving folks a chance to listen to podcasts and watch videos about me and Tuck Your Skirt . Some bloggers will be hosting giveaways so you'll definitely want to stop by.
I hope to see you along the virtual book tour trail. Meet the blog tour hosts .
I'd love to visit your blog, too. Email me if you're interested or check here for more details.
Through the end of November, I'm visiting blogs around the country, participating in Q&A, sharing excerpts from Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run , and giving folks a chance to listen to podcasts and watch videos about me and Tuck Your Skirt . Some bloggers will be hosting giveaways so you'll definitely want to stop by.
I hope to see you along the virtual book tour trail. Meet the blog tour hosts .
I'd love to visit your blog, too. Email me if you're interested or check here for more details.
November 28, 2011
NaNoWriMo - A Peek at Love Letters From a Stoic
Truth be told, I failed miserably at NaNoWriMo. I've composed nowhere near 50,000 words. Life invariably worked against me and my overreaching commitment.
But, I have made some progress on the project, which recounts the WWII years, 1943-1945, during which my aunt and uncle were separated by his service in the U.S. Navy. They had a marriage that evades comprehension by most modern standards:
And I do wonder in those giddy early days if she knew the life she was courting. If she knew she would never own a washer and dryer or dishwasher because of the expense. If she knew she would have no heirs and no say over what became of her home and her possessions even after B.C.'s death in 1993. If she knew she would fill her attic with Styrofoam meat trays and her basement with jars of pickled beets as if the next Great Depression loomed ominously, even in the post-war 50s and the bull market 80s.
But usually, we don't know. Love makes us leap in without checking the depth. That's what's so ordinary about their marriage. What appear to be rigors and disenfranchisement to us, were true affections to them. I believe that B.C. took the role of caring for Nita and shielding her from want. She gladly submitted to his will. And I believe it was all born of love.
The first letter of WWII:
Open only if I do not return , he neatly penned across the front of a white business envelope, in a level, straight line. Then he tri-folded the single page into even thirds and slid it soundlessly into the sleeve. Using a sponge he moistened the glue strip on the flap and pressed it firmly in place.
The completed package glared at him, white and fresh, from the smooth, cold marble top of his wife's dresser. This business of war raised all sorts of issues of trust. Trust in commanders to make the right decisions. Trust in one's training, that it was sufficient for the duties assigned. Trust in God's plan. Trust that he would come home and find the letter intact, untouched, unread.
But, I have made some progress on the project, which recounts the WWII years, 1943-1945, during which my aunt and uncle were separated by his service in the U.S. Navy. They had a marriage that evades comprehension by most modern standards:
And I do wonder in those giddy early days if she knew the life she was courting. If she knew she would never own a washer and dryer or dishwasher because of the expense. If she knew she would have no heirs and no say over what became of her home and her possessions even after B.C.'s death in 1993. If she knew she would fill her attic with Styrofoam meat trays and her basement with jars of pickled beets as if the next Great Depression loomed ominously, even in the post-war 50s and the bull market 80s.
But usually, we don't know. Love makes us leap in without checking the depth. That's what's so ordinary about their marriage. What appear to be rigors and disenfranchisement to us, were true affections to them. I believe that B.C. took the role of caring for Nita and shielding her from want. She gladly submitted to his will. And I believe it was all born of love.
The first letter of WWII:
Open only if I do not return , he neatly penned across the front of a white business envelope, in a level, straight line. Then he tri-folded the single page into even thirds and slid it soundlessly into the sleeve. Using a sponge he moistened the glue strip on the flap and pressed it firmly in place.
The completed package glared at him, white and fresh, from the smooth, cold marble top of his wife's dresser. This business of war raised all sorts of issues of trust. Trust in commanders to make the right decisions. Trust in one's training, that it was sufficient for the duties assigned. Trust in God's plan. Trust that he would come home and find the letter intact, untouched, unread.
November 25, 2011
Black Friday Christmas Gift Ideas
What's better than the gift of a good read?
A good read that comes with a good laugh!
For Christmas this years, give the ladies on your list a set of books that will keep them rolling under the Christmas tree.
If Mama Don't Laugh, It Ain't Funny takes readers on a romp with an AWOL hermit crab, a three legged pig and an immortal roach. Parents will relate to the perfectly impossible picture day and go giggly over illicit rhyming words. If Mama Don't Laugh will have spouses spontaneously reading out loud to each other while laughing until stuff comes out of their noses:
Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run chronicles the mayhem, mishaps, misjudgments, miscalculations and maladaptations of an ordinary day gone off the chain. You can run with Reba who's naked at the garden gate and sample Mama's bar-b-cue and Brunswick stew that doesn't come with slaw. Attend a pig roast with the communists and stroll down the aisle with a 40 year-old bridesmaid as she tries to convince herself that she's still beautiful. Adventures into and out of embarrassing situations abound:
Order from Amazon.com by clicking on the book titles or covers above.
Or make it an extra special gift by purchasing signed copies from the IfMama.com shop. For personalization, send me an email after placing your order. Your email should include your order ID, the name of the person receiving the gift, and two sentences about why you think this is the perfect gift for him or her. I'll mail your books within two days of payment.
Christmas shopping doesn't get any easier than that.
A good read that comes with a good laugh!
For Christmas this years, give the ladies on your list a set of books that will keep them rolling under the Christmas tree.
If Mama Don't Laugh, It Ain't Funny takes readers on a romp with an AWOL hermit crab, a three legged pig and an immortal roach. Parents will relate to the perfectly impossible picture day and go giggly over illicit rhyming words. If Mama Don't Laugh will have spouses spontaneously reading out loud to each other while laughing until stuff comes out of their noses:
Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run chronicles the mayhem, mishaps, misjudgments, miscalculations and maladaptations of an ordinary day gone off the chain. You can run with Reba who's naked at the garden gate and sample Mama's bar-b-cue and Brunswick stew that doesn't come with slaw. Attend a pig roast with the communists and stroll down the aisle with a 40 year-old bridesmaid as she tries to convince herself that she's still beautiful. Adventures into and out of embarrassing situations abound:
Order from Amazon.com by clicking on the book titles or covers above. Or make it an extra special gift by purchasing signed copies from the IfMama.com shop. For personalization, send me an email after placing your order. Your email should include your order ID, the name of the person receiving the gift, and two sentences about why you think this is the perfect gift for him or her. I'll mail your books within two days of payment.
Christmas shopping doesn't get any easier than that.
November 24, 2011
Say What You Mean
I was just about to submit my Thanksgiving newspaper column last Friday, when that little voice of reason inside my head said, "WAIT!" Then it explained, "Sorry for yelling, but don't you think someone else ought to read it before it's in print on the most thankful day of the year?"
"Well, okay, I guess. Maybe. Sure," I relented, and recruited my soul mate to do me the honor of proofreading, even though I had reread it thoroughly myself. As a reward for indulging me I gave him a peck on the cheek, a squeeze of the shoulders and went upstairs to fold his clean clothes.
Suddenly, "OH MY GOSH! YOU CANNOT PRINT THIS," rang out. "LUCY! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? HOOKERS ? FOR THANKSGIVING? YOU WON"T HAVE ANY READERS LEFT!"
Naturally, I boot-scooted down the stairs and skid into the dining room where my computer was set up on the table. "I won't?" I asked surprised. Then I went into defense mode and argued, "But I let the readers off the hook, uh, no pun meant in that, and reveal that the lady of the night marks his place to turn."
Again, my husband squinted at the computer and mumbled as he read through the paragraph once more:
Every year I wait for someone to lower the boom. What I would give for one of my brothers to bust out with, "I'm thankful for the hooker on the corner of Jackson Avenue and Stewart Street." Then add, after everyone has either thought, Yeah, I'm thankful for her, too, or I can't believe he said that in front of his mother, "When she's not there, I miss my turn." It would sure shut-up mopy cousin Molly, who, every year, sighs heavily and says self- absorbedly that she can't think of anything.
After finishing, he looked at me and said, "I know I'm not the only one who will read it this way. What you meant and what you wrote are two very different things. What I read is that your brother is sad when she's not there because he misses his turn with her."
Oh my! Happy Thanksgiving. Be careful what you say for your annual thankful moment in the spotlight. You might spend all of Christmas regretting it.
"Well, okay, I guess. Maybe. Sure," I relented, and recruited my soul mate to do me the honor of proofreading, even though I had reread it thoroughly myself. As a reward for indulging me I gave him a peck on the cheek, a squeeze of the shoulders and went upstairs to fold his clean clothes.
Suddenly, "OH MY GOSH! YOU CANNOT PRINT THIS," rang out. "LUCY! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? HOOKERS ? FOR THANKSGIVING? YOU WON"T HAVE ANY READERS LEFT!"
Naturally, I boot-scooted down the stairs and skid into the dining room where my computer was set up on the table. "I won't?" I asked surprised. Then I went into defense mode and argued, "But I let the readers off the hook, uh, no pun meant in that, and reveal that the lady of the night marks his place to turn."
Again, my husband squinted at the computer and mumbled as he read through the paragraph once more:
Every year I wait for someone to lower the boom. What I would give for one of my brothers to bust out with, "I'm thankful for the hooker on the corner of Jackson Avenue and Stewart Street." Then add, after everyone has either thought, Yeah, I'm thankful for her, too, or I can't believe he said that in front of his mother, "When she's not there, I miss my turn." It would sure shut-up mopy cousin Molly, who, every year, sighs heavily and says self- absorbedly that she can't think of anything.
After finishing, he looked at me and said, "I know I'm not the only one who will read it this way. What you meant and what you wrote are two very different things. What I read is that your brother is sad when she's not there because he misses his turn with her."
Oh my! Happy Thanksgiving. Be careful what you say for your annual thankful moment in the spotlight. You might spend all of Christmas regretting it.
