B. Jackson's Blog, page 2

WHEN I BECAME A QUEEN

I didn’t expect to be a queen for half a week. I stumbled upon a crown buried in the tumble weeds of my backyard when I went in search of cries I heard for the past few days. The queen had scurried off as I crept closer out of curiosity, leaving behind five tiny kittens. When I saw them, my heart leaped, and I could barely contain my excitement! They were surrounded by a hedge of prickly weeds. I ecstatically told my mom my discovery and then my brother and we discussed what we were going to do. The kittens needed a box to keep them from getting stuck with the thorn that surrounded them — so that’s what we did. We left them out there in the chilling night for four hours, hoping the queen would return for her kittens, but she never came back. We then decided to bring them into the house, knowing that all hope of them being reunited with their mother was wiped away. They slept through the night in a blue garden bin lined with a blanket; no mom and no food.

We thought that it would be as easy as dropping them off to a shelter, but after learning that understaffed pounds will euthanize bottle fed kittens, we knew that wasn’t an option. My mom asked me is I was willing to take care of them for as long as needed until we could find them a home. I said yes, without a second thought. I had unintentionally became the queen.

The next morning my mom and I loaded the car with the kittens and went off to find — what we thought would be — their new home. But we were sent back with nothing but leads and a bin full of kittens. We stopped by Petco and picked up the supplies for me to care for the kittens, before driving back home.

I made my first bottle of milk that day — not knowing half of what I was doing. They hadn’t eaten in several hours and bottle feeding any living thing was a first for me; as a result, the kittens and I both struggled to figure it out. I was scared, but I didn’t show it. I feared that I would mess up but I felt a sense of responsibility to them. They were given solely to my care, and I would do my very best to take care of them — no matter how much work.

It was a lot of work. I had to get up every three hours day and night to feed them, burp them, and help them to go to the bathroom. I was put on a kitten care crash course, and my life immediately became consumed with their care and learning how to nurture them as best I could. Even when I was fumbling through the house at four in the morning, warming bottles with hot water in glass cups, with nothing but the refrigerator to give me light, I did it without complaining.

When I fed them, I felt happy and at peace. When I was with them, I didn’t worry about anything in the world. My attention was given solely to their care. I sat in silence only hearing the sound of them sucking milk contentedly. One night, as I was feeding one of the kittens, I thought to myself what a blessing they were to me and how thankful I was that the Most High gave me stewardship of them, however brief it would be.

I learned through taking care of them to take life easy and to enjoy the little moments life gives. The squeaky sounds they made when suckling made me smile, even in my half sleep state. I learned the form love takes when you truly care about something. It’s selfless and giving. Despite only sleeping a few hours in between feeding and dealing with fussy kittens who wanted to eat, I loved them. I realized that I even loved them enough to let them go.

I cared for them for four days and in that time I grew really attached to all five of them; but especially a black one that I named Tiana from Princess and the Frog (pictured above). After a lot of calling and dead-end leads, we finally found someone to take them that was a part of “no kill” organization. I was so happy, because the Most High provided them a new home — just like he provided me with them. I knew that my short time with the kittens came to an end at the appointed time.

That didn’t make letting them go easy, though. During our drive to drop them off, they fell fast asleep, and I told myself that I wouldn’t cry when I left them. I even felt confident that I wouldn’t. When we arrived, the lady who was to be their new caretaker greeted them with kisses, and it set my heart more at ease. But when it came time to leave, as I was walking away from what I came to call “my babies,” I couldn’t help but cry a little. I knew I was more sad for myself than for them.

In the four days that I had the kittens, I learned so much. I learned a hands on lesson on love, life, and responsibility. A lesson that will stick with me for the rest of my life. I don’t believe in coincidences. I don’t believe that they were born in my backyard by chance. I know the Most High brought them into my life for a short season and a greater purpose just when I needed them most. He gave me something to love and take care of that changed my perspective about life.  I’m truly grateful for the time that I had with them and being able to be a queen — even if it was only for four days.

My Children Call Me Blessed

I’m heading into a new season in my life, but I wish that I could stop time for a while. In fact, I would even turn back the hands of time if I could – not for the sake of being younger or doing some things that I’ve never done – I simply want to spend a little bit more time doing what I love. I love being a mother…but I no longer have little babies.

My beautiful boy is now a young man, and my “sugar girl” is growing into a lovely young woman. While I sit in awe of who my children are becoming, and I look forward to seeing how the Creator is going to use their lives, I can’t help but acknowledge that I miss them already. They still live in my home, but they are preparing for lives outside of it. My son is already preparing for marriage – his eyes beam with love for the wife that he has never met and children he’s yet to beget. My daughter speaks of often of Japan – her eyes tear up at the joy of living there someday and also at the thought of anything at all keeping her from it. I’ve known for many years now that I will eventually have to let her go.

When my son was 5 and my daughter was 3 years old, we began “family sleep.” On Friday’s we would watch movies and eat junk food – red vines for my son, and always something chocolate for my daughter. Afterwards, we’d gather our blankets and make pallets on the floor and sleep next to one another. We did that until my son was in his mid-teens. At 6’2” he’d had enough of camping out on the floor, and he was too big for the couch. One day, my daughter and I woke up to find that he’d retreated to his man-cave – family sleep was officially over. They grow up so fast.

I was blessed to be at home for most of my children’s lives, and eleven of those years I was also their primary teacher. In June of this year, I will no longer be able to call myself a homeschooling mother. That season in our lives is coming to a close, and as we embark on it, the workload and the learning curve is tremendous — helping my daughter apply for colleges, editing her entrance and scholarship essays, taking her to and from various places that she has to be, helping her adjust emotionally to the many changes that are taking place in her life, all while wearing the numerous other hats that moms wear on a daily basis. I’m tired at the end of the day, but I do not hasten to rest. I am holding on to these last months that I am needed to this degree. All of the hats that I wear are a blessed privilege from the Father. I am grateful for all of it.

So many mothers are torn between work and home life. There are those who are at home with their children, but struggle with it because society has all but devalued that status. There are also those that are in the workplace that desperately desire to be keepers at home. To both of these groups of mothers I admonish you to do all that you can to nurture your relationships with your children – make memories with them – enjoy the journey.

Don’t allow society to steal precious time from you with your children. If you must work outside of the home, take advantage of opportunities to not only be in your children’s presence, but to be present with them. If you are blessed to be at home with your children, disallow all voices that suggest that you should be doing otherwise. We all have roles that we play, and shaping your children to be “smooth stones” is one of them.

River stones only become smooth, because they are in constant contact with water that is moving in a predetermined direction. Over time the jagged edges of the stones become round – a smooth stone is what David used to take down Goliath. A jagged one would have missed the target. And so it is with our children. Our relationship with our children can be likened to that moving water – and water is also symbolic of the working of the Holy Spirit. Our children’s spiritual foundation is of the utmost importance. As mothers, we have a special stewardship in this area, and we must be careful to not take for granted such a precious position of influence in the lives of our children. We have to remember that this window of opportunity is very small – and we only get one chance at it.

My adult children will always be my babies, but if I had known that the last time I carried them on my hip, would be the last time – I would have carried each one of them around just a little bit longer. To the young mothers out there that are reading this blog, carry your babies around for as long as you can. Stay at home with them and nurture them for as long as you can. Don’t apologies for that. Trust me. You will even look back on some of the rough days that you’ve had as a mommy and long for them one day. What you will not do when that day comes, however, is be ashamed before the Father or before men, because your children will rise up and call you blessed (Provers 31: 28).

 

Education vs. Intelligence

Some of the most intelligent people you will never meet live in the hood. You will never personally come into their presence, but you will in fact become well acquainted with their media chosen representative. He or she will never disappoint the stereotype that has been well crafted and frequently shown to you throughout the years: the men will generally wear clothing several sizes too big, tattoos will be abundant upon their person, and their words will be spoke both loud and in a broken dialect. The women will likely fit their stereotype as well. It all serves to reinforce the stigmatization and fear that society holds towards a people that are largely misunderstood and a culture which is both a by-product and response to institutional marginalization. Yet, with all of that…intelligence and potential for greatness abounds – raw, untapped, abundant, but hidden behind the smokescreens. Intelligence comes in so many forms.

We’ve been trained to believe that intelligence is something that is given to us between the hours of 7 a.m. and 3 p.m., Monday through Friday. According to the programming we’ve been fed most of our lives, intelligence is something that we gain via education from persons who have degrees in varying capacities. It is in this that we error, for we do not understand what the outcome of an education should be or what the nature of a degree implies.

The word education stems from the Latin educationem which involved the rearing of children…and animals. For the former, its purpose was to instruct in socially acceptable norms and workforce training. This is vastly different from the understanding that many have as to what education is. Many believe that it is to make us more intelligent, thereby increasing our chances of being able to be gainfully employed somewhere in the future. The grades issued to student being indicators of success – when in actuality they are simply tools to administer social value upon students within that system. Education, however, should be about drawing out that innate genetically encoded intelligence – which would direct and inform the person of their employment or career choices – not a pouring in of predetermined corporate outcomes and qualifiers. In similar fashion the word degree comes from the Latin “de” and “gradus”: it literally means a step down.

I am neither against education or degrees – I am an educator who holds several. However, as I grow older and begin to understand this world a bit better, I am able to acknowledge just how these polarizations of the have’s and have nots are created – how ghetto’s come about – why 80% of all special education students are African American and Hispanic males — how the stereotypes and fears keep us from identifying and investing in the entrepreneurs, engineers, teachers, writers, web designers, and product developers of tomorrow who live in the hood today – and who may respect their own genius enough to rebel against the systems effort to stifle that.

I am reminded of one of my favorite books, the Immortality of Influence by Salome Thomas-EL. Thomas-EL is an award winning educator in the Philadelphia School District. He has intentionally courted inner-city children to experience their own potential for greatness by teaching them the game of chess. Chess is a game that cannot be play without engaging critical thinking skills. Being aware of the tactics of one’s adversary (opponent) is as vital to playing the game of chess as to planning a strategy for one’s own movements well in advance of making them. These skills easily translate into the everyday lives of his students. As a result of teaching the game of chess as an intervention, he has taken some of the roughest children in the district, turned them into chess champions, and aided them into not only surviving the educational system and their neighborhoods, but thriving in them. His example was the catalyst for my taking a chess board with me to every school that I’ve worked in since reading his book.

We’ve much to reconsider in our evaluation of what intelligence is. By its very definition the introduction of information does not precede the presence of intelligence, for it is the capacity to learn and reason that makes one intelligent – the degree to which one can do that it is literally embedded in one’s genetic code. The genius of so many in underserved communities may never be known, because fear, fallacies, and systems are rarely challenged towards the advent of change.In lieu of the sweeping changes needed in how society understands both intelligence and education, we can encourage people within our sphere of influence to rise to their highest potential – sometimes we just have to see beyond the smokescreen created by their media chosen representatives to reach them.

Dirty Money

 I have never been a follower. That is simply not the way that the Creator has made me. So, I’m not interested in being a part of any movements towards black economic empowerment just for the sake of the movement in and of itself, whether they be initiated by those in secular circles or ones with religious foundations. While I am a part of the diaspora and understand these aspirations – most come from noble places — they both seem to be missing something that is fundamental to the true nature of prosperity, and it is this — there is a work that each of us is born to do, and in the absence of discovering, nurturing, and performing that work nothing of any real value, temporal or eternal, can be sustained.

It is your natural gifts, talents, and innate desires that, when acted upon, will lead to success — and that individual success may not look anything like achieving the “American dream” or progressive variations of it that we have seen in recent generations. It is not the pursuit of money for the sake of material gain – not even the pursuit of money for sake of obtaining items needful to self-sufficiency in uncertain times that will gain us favor with the Creator. It is the use of our divinely apportioned talents that will gain us the success, security, and approval that we seek.

We find an allegory in the Bible that best explains my point. Matthew 25:14-30 has been dubbed the Parable of the Talents. Recorded in red are the words of Jesus the Christ – Yahushua Ha Mashiach – who is explaining what the kingdom of heaven is likened to. In the illustration, talents have been given to three servants in varying degree’s according to the abilities that each one had. It is of utmost importance to note that the one with the least amount of talents was judged most harshly. The reason is simple – the servant knew His master and what His expectations were of him according to his abilities, yet he did nothing. In fact, the Word says that fear of acting upon the knowledge that he knew of both his talent and the expectations of the Master caused him to bury it in the dirt. In other words, He buried his talent and tried to give the Master dirty money when he came back to inquire about the value of His initial investment. In this allegory, talent and money are almost synonymous! Perhaps a study in etymology on the word “talent” may help to expound this a bit.

We get the word talent from its Greek parent talanton (5007 in the Strong’s Concordance). Telanton deals with the weight of something – not a coin but that which is being weighed to give a monetary value. Comparing this word to the parable we understand this to be the measure each person receives as per their capacities.Talenta and talentum (plural) are the Latin variations of this word which deal with both weight, money, natural inclinations, will, and desires. The definition of talent as it is used today “a capacity for achievement or success; ability” (www.dictionary.com).

The education system generally works to keep us from nurturing or having the time to discover our talents – which is the reason we have so many that are unhappy in fields of work that may afford a lot of money, but no personal fulfillment – or worse, those that lose themselves to it altogether and never engage the question of why they exist on this earth to begin with. This world causes us to vie for money, houses, cars, fame, and the recognition of men when the word tells us that it is our gifts that will make room for us…and bring us before great men (Proverbs 18:16) – no movements, fraternities, sororities, endless striving, or grasping for the wind necessary (Ecclesiastes 1:14).

In our pursuit of good money for (seemingly) good purposes we are often times doing it at the expense of our talents – that which we have to give an account for one day. While it is often times necessary to do jobs that have no real connection to our life purpose, we need to always be mindful to never allow a job to overtake and consume our work – that talent that we’ve been given. We must strive to never allow the job to deplete us of all of our energy to the point that we have nothing to give towards discovering and/or nurturing our talent. Biblically speaking, everyone has at least one. Painter’s should paint. Writer’s should write. Etc. If we don’t engage these gifts on a regular basis in some meaningful way we run several unthinkable risks: having our talents taken away and a double portion given to another, being deemed as both lazy and wicked by the One who gave them to us, andin some instances being cast away – clearly an indication of the causative end of extreme disregard and disobedience to the will of Yah (God) for one’s life.

In an ideal situation, our jobs should serve us towards gaining valuable skills that will build upon on our talents, and when that purpose has been exhausted, we must move on.It’s an old cliché, but it is true nonetheless: all money isn’t good money. In fact, when riches are gained outside of the will and purposes for one’s life that money could very well be called dirty money.