Janelle Gray's Blog, page 3

Immigration, parents and love

Growing up I never had an idea of the type of man I wanted to be with. In all honesty, my teenage self used to dream about being a single mother of an adopted daughter (I'm weird like that). So I never really thought about being in a relationship, let alone the race of the guy. But I also knew the expectation of my family: find a nice, successful Punjabi boy, preferably a doctor. But I never thought this was set in stone. So I went on with my dating life, thinking once there was somebody good enough to introduce to my family, it would be fine.My family has always supported me — and I know they always will — but I did question that faith when I introduced my very French boyfriend to my very Punjabi parents. The two cultures could not be anymore different if they tried. The French like cheese and baguettes; my parents wouldn't even know what a baguette is, and the only cheese they know is paneer.The added twist in my intercontinental love story is the fact that my family and I are naturalised Australians — a fact my parents don't exactly acknowledge the way they should in my opinion. They are Indians who live in Australia. That is their identity, which I wholeheartedly understand since they were 40 years old when they moved. I, on the other hand, consider myself Australian. That is where my home, my childhood, my friends, and my family are.Most parents and children will face a generation gap and its challenges, but immigrant families also have to deal with the cultural gap, a gap that really highlights the difference in upbringing and personal as well as family expectations. My parents grew up in rural India, surrounded by a massive extended family where everyone was on the same page. But then they decided to raise their own children in a major global city on the other side of the planet, exposing them to a variety of cultures. I have the utmost respect for my parents and the amazing life they have built for themselves from scratch, but in midst of building that life they may have overlooked how their children moved away from the values they hold so dearly.When I met my very French boyfriend, I didn't think, 'Oh no but he's not a successful Punjabi doctor,' nor did I specifically look for the exact opposite just to spite my folks. We met, and it was natural and easy, so I didn't question anything. But after 6 months of dating, there was a voice in my head nagging me to tell my family. I told my mum first. I was so nervous. The conversation started like, 'Hey mum I've met someone.’ She said, ‘Oh ok. Is he Indian?' as if she already knew, typical mother style. To my surprise, my sweet mother took it very well. My father, on the other hand, did not. Lots of things were said followed by a very long silence in our relationship.That period challenged all my beliefs about my family. I was angry and resentful. But I also felt at fault — like it had been my sole responsibility to understand my parents and their boundaries, and that I should not have crossed them. I had so many questions. Namely: we're all humans at the end of the day, so why was it such a big deal? And why did my intelligent and deeply empathetic father feel so disheartened by my choice?I couldn't tell you for sure, but I have my theories. Over the years, my parents have become more nostalgic about India and their past lives there. My mum constantly tells stories of her youth and her family home, and my dad is more engrossed in Indian current affairs. There is also the dark truth about the discrimination and racism they have faced by Anglo Australians. So, the white man — doesn't matter what kind of white — is kind of an enemy. Lastly, they want to keep their heritage alive and be accepted for who they are, not consumed by another culture.But is it fair of parents to expect their children to carry their prejudices and their anger? The other hurdle was balancing the family expectations with my relationship. Insofar, I have been lucky that my partner has been kind and patient, even though he struggles to understand some of the conflict. Even I don't have an easy explanation. How do you explain or justify that even after living in Sydney for over 20 years that your parents are actually stuck in 1980s India?Once the shock of the reveal was over, my very Punjabi parents did meet my very French boyfriend. I have never been more on edge. But the dinner was cordial, and everyone was on their best behaviour. My dad even had a whisky with my boyfriend (that's pretty much a right of passage for Punjabis). I felt such a sense of relief after that meeting. The worst was over, and nobody was killed. So there was a happy ending to this tale, but I still at times feel confused as to why did we have to go through all that?I can't say that my family is a special case. Majority of the families I know from the Indian sub-continent — and I'm sure many other ethnicities — have also faced similar challenges. I guess my struggle to fully understand my parents is the fact that it was their choice to move to Australia. They were not forced out of their country; they were not fleeing. It almost feels like they wanted to go to Australia, but they didn't want to leave India, so they recreated their culture in the same way in their adopted country of choice.I feel privileged to have grown up in 2 different cultures and having that unique perspective. But I can't help but feel a certain stubbornness in my parents to accept the consequences of their own choices. I am an advocate for culture preservation. And I think the diversity of cultures I have been exposed to has been a great character-building exercise. But I also believe culture is an evolving and ever-changing idea, more so than ever in the post globalisation age. So why is it that some of us hold on so tightly to the teachings of a generation past? Why is it so difficult for some of us to open our minds and hearts to change?I am (slowly) accepting that it is my responsibility to point out to my folks their blind spots and gently guide them through a scary new age, no matter how difficult or annoying it may be, but I guess that's called growth and the best we can all do is live our truth.

Kobe Bryant and other Unpopular Conversations

The Echoes Team opens up Season 3 by talking about the recent tragic death of NBA Legend, Kobe Bryant. Janelle and Chris talk with Louis Flanagan III and Celeste Howell about how we discuss sexual assault, how we deal with celebrities, and Black male grief.Find us at:iTunesGoogle PlaySpotifyArticles:Kobe Bryant, children and griefWe Can Grieve Kobe Bryant While Still Honouring Survivors of Sexual AssaultWhat Kobe Bryant's Death Says About American Memory

Latinx Representation On Stage

Andi, a transgender teen, is entering his first day of school identifying as a male, but what you soon discover is this: Andi is like any freshman boy. He just wants to find his tribe — his framily — that will get him through the next four years.While the show explores themes such as gender identity, tolerance, empathy, kindness, and growth, this interview discusses the commission of the show, its impact on its key players, and the hopes that they have Andi and people like him in our society. Find us at:iTunes - Click Here Google Play - Click HereSpotify - Click HereKeep your eye on our social media to hear other clips from this wonderful interview. Find more information about Dallas Children's Theater and their shows at www.dct.orgFor tickets to Andi Boi, go to: https://dct.org/andiboi/

Transgender visibility and creating art that sparks conversation

In the first episode of our new series, on air with..., Janelle talks with playwright/director Bruce Coleman, Dallas Children's Theater's Executive Artistic Director Robyn Flatt, and actor Zander Pryor about the making of their new show, Andi Boi. Andi, a transgender teen, is entering his first day of school identifying as a male, but what you soon discover is this: Andi is like any freshman boy. He just wants to find his tribe — his framily — that will get him through the next four years.While the show explores themes such as gender identity, tolerance, empathy, kindness, and growth, this interview discusses the commission of the show, its impact on its key players, and the hopes that they have Andi and people like him in our society. Find us at:iTunes - Click Here Google Play - Click HereSpotify - Click HereKeep your eye on our social media to hear other clips from this wonderful interview.Find more information about Dallas Children's Theater and their shows at www.dct.orgFor tickets to Andi Boi, go to: https://dct.org/andiboi/

Your Part in the Gentrification Problem

What is gentrification? Likely the response is something like, “White people moving into poor neighborhoods,” or “Devaluing a neighborhood so that developers can buy cheap and sell high.” Dictionary.com describes it as the process of renovating and improving a house or district so that it conforms to middle-class taste. In all of these definitions, the bigger issue is missing. The biggest issue with gentrification is not necessarily the buyers and victims of the neighborhood. It’s that city policy often fuels it in the first place. Instead of us calling it for what it is, we calmly participate while simultaneously blaming each other.Gentrification is a child of capitalism. Regardless your feelings about a capitalistic system, you are a key player if you live within the system. This is why gentrification is often masked as an opportunity. It’s an opportunity for those who buy the horrible neighborhood and improve it for profit. It’s an opportunity for the new renters and purchasers in the shiny neighborhood to stay in the “new, cool” area. And putting poor people out is just how it is. Seriously, ask around, you will get these responses, because we’ve already bought into the freedom of capitalism.What we tend to overlook is that our very own city, state and federal policies not only turn a blind eye, but often help disenfranchise entire neighborhoods for the benefit of gentrification. For example, the construction of Dallas’s Central Expressway splitting the neighborhood of States-Thomas in two. The construction of Charlotte’s, Independence Boulevard built in the middle of the Brooklyn neighborhood. Kinloch, Missouri was also dismantled for the building of Lambert International Airport.Neighborhood slaughtering construction projects occur all over this country in the middle of thriving, rooted communities. Sometimes its simply branded a flood zone until the residents move and miraculously said area has been rezoned. Then there’s always the inability for the city to provide services, such as a water main or sufficient city lights in a particular community, until the appropriate residents’ homes have been bulldozed and the right developer comes in. We can’t forget how simple, safety lights and exit ramps have been avoided in certain neighborhoods, that is until new residents move in.These plans do not happen overnight. They’re usually decades in the making. Usually, these changes appear to be much simpler than full-blown construction project. They begin to occur when you’re in grade school and you seem not to notice the transformation until you’ve returned home from college. They look like the local Wal-Mart moving two miles up the road and slowly the businesses around it relocate too. Then somehow the tenants that lived in the area flock to the new apartments built around the corner. The pot holes aren’t fixed as often and there could be a few mishaps on trash pick-up days. A few neighbors move out and the homes are bought by unseen investors who don’t have the pride of live-in homeowners. Your home is now worth a fraction of it was twenty years ago. Should you get out now, or wait and hope for the best? (Hopefully this didn’t happen to you during a recession because you’re likely cash strapped.) Sooner or later you hear something to the tune of, “there goes the neighborhood”. Then seemingly right on cue, the right people come to save the day with their Revitalization Program. The ugly G word is a result of years of planning and policy making. Involvement to change gentrification happens decades before the new developers move in. It’s almost impossible to avoid if your family does not intend to remain rooted in their community. If you truly care about gentrification, I encourage you to look beyond the surface level. If there are people moving out, find out why. Have they fought the good fight so long that they no longer have the ability to fight anymore? Are they cash strapped and have resolved to cut their losses? Is the younger generation well informed on the struggles that occurred before them and the policies being laid for the future? Most importantly, who has the most to gain from the revitalized neighborhood and to whose expense?If you think you don’t like gentrification, ask yourself if you’re building a community to sustain for generations to come or if that’s too much work for little ol’ you. Do you prefer to live in the hip neighborhood because it’s new, everything is already there and the property values are amazing? Because the hip neighborhood is usually built on top of a destroyed rooted community and your need to be there helped demolish it.Neka Ragsdale is a children's author. For more information, check out her website at www.cjkpublishing.com.

Echoes Media 2020

Hey Echoes Fam! We've got some exciting things planned for 2020. Check out the video to hear Founder Janelle tell you about some of the plans, and then stick around to see all the things we did in 2019.Things to look for:Echoes PatreonMore videosNew podcast series titled on air with...2020 Live Event!and more!Create hope. Forge a path. Change the world.Sincerely, The Echoes Crew

Season 2 Wrap-up Episode

And just like our 2019 season is over! On this season 2 wrap-up episode, Janelle and Chris are joined by previous guests Carlos Brumfield, Brittanie Gray, Lauren Harrison, and a handful of rotating guests as we look back at all of our past topics for the year. Many thanks to all of our listeners and everyone who came by to hang out and have cake with us! Cheers to the next season. Find us at:iTunes - Click Here Google Play - Click HereSpotify - Click HereYou know the drill:Create hope. Forge a path. Change world!From the Echoes Media Team (Echoes on air! and @Be_Voiced Squad) thanks for rocking with us, and we'll see you in 2020!

Cancel Culture

In this episode, Chris and Janelle talk with DR Hanson, Tam Jones, and Ritchie Richards about cancel culture and the road to redemption after offending society.Find us at:iTunes - Google Play - Click HereSpotify - Donate to the Botham Jean Foundation:https://bothamjeanfoundation.orgArtic...Comedy heavyweights rail against 'cancel culture' in wake of 'SNL' cast member's abrupt firingA step-by-step guide to why people can't stop arguing about 'cancel culture'Don't frame Shane Gillis as victim of cancel cultureLizzo's Postmates Driver Says the Singer Ruined Her life, She's Terrified and Can't Leave Her HouseHow Brother Nature Faced 'Cancel Culture' and Lived to Tell The Story

Botham Jean and the Burden of Forgiveness

In this bonus episode, Chris and Janelle talk with @be_voiced squad member, Lauren Harrison about the verdict in the Botham Jean case, forgiveness, distrust of police, and the death of Atatiana Jefferson.Find us at:iTunes - Click Here Google Play - Spotify - Donate to the Botham Jean Foundation:https://bothamjeanfoundation.orgArtic... wants more people to be held accountableVideos:

Dreaming Bigger Than The American Dream

Recently, I read an article about a report from accounting giant Deloitte that millennials have an average net worth of "only 8,000,” dropping 34% from 1996.It pissed me off.Articles like that are just a platform for entitled Baby Boomers and Gen Xers to complain about "youngsters today."And here's why it's flawed: Baby Boomers and Gen Xers (which I'm a part of) had it best when it comes to graduating and having reasonable financial options available. Common. We did. Also, how are we defining success? Being financially stable enough to own a house, get married and have kids? I propose that those measures of success are becoming antiquated. Millennials don't have the same ideals of possession and power that previous generations have.Instead, most millennials seem to have priorities around fixing the problems in the world previous generations created and perpetuated.Hell, our generations gave birth to the 1%, we loaded up the world with our waste and helped raise the world temperature rapidly with our disregard for the environment. The old ideas perpetuated racism and sexism, turning anyone but the powerful white male into a pawn, at best. Scientists and even some economists always told us we'd leave a mess for generations to come. And we did.The millennials are cleaning it up. They're choosing "me too" and equal pay, and not working for companies that produce money for the 1%. And we wonder why they aren't "worth more?"Our generations don't understand them, because they can't be bought like we could with the massive house from the 80s — because they see that our money won't fix the world we left them. And if they had a mountain of money, they would just become the 1% we grew up idolizing and they grew up disgusted by.I'd say they're redefining the American dream, but not quite. They're making it the world dream.