Amy Lane's Blog: Writer's Lane, page 73

Interview with Damon Suede

A Few Questions More...

A few weeks ago, I interviewed Damon Suede about his new book, Lickety Split-- the full review can be found HERE at Prism Book Alliance. Now, because I'm me--and because he's Damon-- we sort of spilled over the word count, and there were a few more things to say. I'm blessed, because Damon let me post them on my blog. 
So without any further ado, I bring you a few deleted scenes from our earlier interview:




So, Damon--Tucker was a sexy hunk of sand-paper-palmed, swaggering, lusty cowboy--who didn’t actually think of himself as “gay” or “bi” or any of the sexuality labels currently used. Do you think there are a lot of “Tuckers” out there? Guys who don’t mind doing “stuff” as long as it’s consenting adults but who don’t actually have the words to articulate what they’re doing? (I have a theory about this, about how language sometimes hinders the full realization of our own identities, but it’s long winded and boring.)
One of the persistent myths and pop culture is that small towns are more conservative than big cities. Sometimes that's true, but you'd be surprised. Countryfolk are practical in ways that can peel paint and wake snakes. LOL There's a reason rural areas thrive on gossip and scandal. Folks out in the sticks get bored, so fighting and fucking become a kind of live-action Opera that everyone can afford to watch and anyone can take part in.

In a very real sense, that kind of rough edge, homegrown sexiness is the seed from which this whole book grew. That shit's hot, yo. I'd much rather read about people connecting in unexpected and fascinating ways and waste time on greasy, waxed bodybuilders standing around in unscuffed boots pretending to be cowboys. Real emotion is really moving and I'd always rather get inside if I can, to split the piñata and knock the candy all over the floor where we can get at it. Lickety Split needed that grit to work the way I wanted it to. Tucker’s horse, Nugget-- I have to admit, as much as I admire horses and horsemen and women, I was sort of the victim of an equine vendetta as a child. Tucker loved that animal. How do you feel about horses? Love? Hate? Admire from afar? Would you write a scene with Patch and Tucker riding together if you had time? I’d totally write Patch and Tucker riding together, but for this book, with all the other threads taking the time just didn’t feel relevant or right. When I decided I wanted to write a cowboy book obviously the first thing I thought was, "Well, what about the damn horses?" I didn't want to write a book set on ranch; it felt wrong for these characters and for that part of Texas besides. The farm needed to raise hay for so many reasons, but I knew Tucker would keep his old mare close by. Nugget was the name of my quarter horse growing up and she had been trained to cut cattle... You could turn her like a car, like a knife. She was amazing, light chestnut with a white blaze and sweet as butter. And so I gave her to Tucker because I knew he take care of her.
I grew up riding. My family raised Tennessee walkers and quarter horses. They went to shows, rodeos, and auctions all the time. It's not really my scene, or at least it wasn't after I hit puberty and I started working in show business pretty regularly, but I love to ride and the smell of hay and horseshit still seems wholesome to me in a funny way that takes me back to the ranch.

Actually Botchy, the battlescarred pitbull, is also real and from our ranch. She’s a big slobbery sweetheart who really does climb up on roofs and patrol the property like a jolly bandit. Champagne coat and pink scars that don’t seem to bug her in the least. Again, I knew Tucker would know how to take care of her.

I have to admit, I fell in love with Botchy. I’ve made out with pitbulls before, and they’ve always been attentive and kind and have never let me feel like I was being used in the least. Botchy was the kind of dog who would break fancy vases with her tail--I adored her as a character. Speaking of amazing supporting characters, tell me about Janet. She was a wonderful supporting character--a “haven” character, a “sage”-- Is she based on someone you know or is she based on someone you think every young person should have in their life? (Or is she a person needed for the narrative--and that’s a perfectly legitimate answer too.) 
Well, Janet Rodman is very much real and very much one of my favorite people in Romancelandia. She's smart and sassy and hilarious as I wrote her, and if even half of her charisma comes across I consider myself fortunate. Part of Patch's homecoming had to be about his iffy memories. Not everyone is evil, even when it seems so. I knew that there are allies in every community and I wanted him to have a safe space. A teacher, a raucous irreverent teacher seemed like the ideal person to extend a hand to a kid that trapped by his surroundings. Janet was a teacher for many many years and she has an uncanny ability to cut through BS with her wit and warmth. When I first mentioned I was thinking about making her a secondary character in a book she had only one thing to say, "It better be fucking dirty." And it is.

The truth is when I first thought of including her I had no idea how pivotal she would become to the course of the story and how much the real Janet would inspire the lady on the page. The fictional Janet was me trying to capture the real Janet for everyone who's never met her. Ironically, she only read the book after it was finished, but between you me and the rest of the world, I feel like all I did was give her an East Texas accent.

I have actually met Janet Rodman, and she's wonderful. You did her proud--I'm so tickled to know this!   Thanks so much for stopping by, Mr. Suede--as always, it's been a pleasure.
___________ Bio: Damon Suede grew up out-n-proud deep in the anus of right-wing America, and escaped as soon as it was legal. Though new to romance fiction, Damon has been writing for print, stage, and screen for two decades. He’s won some awards, but counts his blessings more often: his amazing friends, his demented family, his beautiful husband, his loyal fans, and his silly, stern, seductive Muse who keeps whispering in his ear, year after year. Get in touch with him at DamonSuede.com.


Social Media channels:DamonSuede.comFacebookTwitterNewsletterGoodreadsBLURB:Lickety Split: love won't wait.Patch Hastle grew up in a hurry, ditching East Texas for NYC to make his name as a DJ and model without ever looking back. When his parents die unexpectedly, he heads home to unload the family farm ASAP and skedaddle. Except the will left Patch’s worst enemy in charge: his father’s handsome best friend who made his high school years hell.Tucker Biggs is going nowhere. Twenty years past his rodeo days, he’s put down roots as the caretaker of the Hastle farm. He knows his buddy’s smartass son still hates his guts, but when Patch shows up growed-up, looking like sin in tight denim, Tucker turns his homecoming into a lesson about old dogs and new kinks.
Patch and Tucker fool around, but they can’t fool themselves. Once the farm’s sold, they mean to call it quits and head off to separate sunsets. With the clock ticking, the city slicker and his down-home hick get roped into each other’s life. If they’re gonna last longer than spit on a griddle, they better figure out what matters—fast.

Busy Day

This morning I posted a semi-facetious sally about all the things I had to do today and 140 characters weren't enough--
Wine we didn't ultimately buy.
Walk the dogs, start a blog tour, work on a novel, go grocery shopping, shop for ZoomBoy's science experiment, get new prescription sunglasses since the last ones fell apart, go out on a date with Mate including dinner and a movie, come home, blog, work on the novel and go to sleep.
I have to say, the only thing I didn't get done was that second part about working on the novel. 
For the record?
The sunglasses are so welcome, walking the dogs in the park is a welcome change from my neighborhood, ZoomBoy's model of potassium looks wonderful and strangely Christmassy, McCormick and Schmick's steakhouse is SUPER DOOPER overrated both in service and meal, I sent in my first day for the blog tour, we went grocery shopping and remembered to buy corned beef, and the novel is proceeding apace, but is still over deadline.
Zoom boy's Christmas colored craft barf. And a friend assured me that it's a good thing we didn't buy the pretty wine--it's apparently the Everclear of Chardonnay. 
And I think I'm ready for my bed now!
OH! But before I go!
DON'T FORGET!
Damon  Suede's book, Lickety Split goes on sale tomorrow, and I have A SHORT, EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW SNIPPET RIGHT HERE ON MY BLOG!  It'll go up tomorrow morning!
Whew! 
And now I really MUST go to bed!

Dear Crazy Twat...

To the woman who chased me off her yard with a garden hose this morning--

First of all: I'm sorry my dog crapped on your lawn. As a dog owner yourself you should know that when their backs bow and they squat, there is NO GOING BACK from that.

Second of all: I had the plastic bag in my hand and was stooping to initiate cleanup as you came running out of the house screaming at me.

Third of all: Since my dog tends to go when he gets to the top of that hill, I have talked to your husband and asked if I could use the hose to wash off whatever was left after cleanup. I don't like leaving dog poop around, it's rude. He seemed to feel that was fine--he even thanked me for my consideration.

Fourth?: You were screaming at me about my dogs giving your puppy parvo. You seemed really upset, and I haven't seen your older dog around. If your older dog has died of parvo, I'm so sorry. I would hate to lose any of my pets, and I don't wish that on anybody, even the woman shrieking obscenities at me in the middle of the street.

Fifth: Why didn't your older dog have a parvo vaccine?

Sixth: You know, not to be a bitch (but since you called me that several times, why not?) your dog wandered the neighborhood WITHOUT A LEASH on a regular basis. Did you think he just doesn't poop at all?

Seventh: Since you CHASED ME OFF YOUR LAWN WITH A GARDEN HOSE I found you screaming for me to "Come back here bitch and clean your fuckin' mess!" to be particularly irony laden. I'm not sure you're an irony kind of gal, though, so I'll keep that observation to myself.

Eighth: I may have grown a little testy at this point. If I offended any of the neighbors by screaming, "BITCH, I fuckin' OFFERED to clean that shit up!" I do apologize.

Ninth: Given that I am, in your words, a "Fuckin' fat lazy bitch", and you DO see me waddling my dogs around the neighborhood every day, I think it's safe to say I'm not the kind of fat lazy bitch who neglects my dogs. MY DOGS are UP TO DATE on their vaccinations, and I think that's important to know.

Tenth of all: I have to admit, if this was going to be the one time I didn't get to clean up my dog's crap, this was an awesome day for it. I couldn't have covered your lawn more thoroughly if I'd picked that little bastard up, squeezed his middle, and pointed his ass like a tommy gun. I mean, I was thinking "This is going to be a two bag job!" when you came hauling ass out of the house with your garden hose full of crazy.  So, uh, thank you. The little one barely leaves rabbit raisins--you picked a good poop to clean up, if you were looking for the whole "Holy God, this dog isn't that big!" experience.

*whew*

And last of all-- I think you should know that when I came home and told my husband this, his first instinct was to blame the Russian traitor in the White House. Since--given your bumper stickers-- I'm pretty sure you voted for the guy, you should probably be proud. You are a fine example of your leaders: Crazy, ignorant, mean, and seriously--only hurting your fucking self.

Sincerely,

The Fuckin' Fat Lazy Bitch

A Conversation With ZoomBoy...

So...

I know some of you are reading Bonfires as an ARc right now, and some of you are planning to read it later.

I need you to know that this conversation happened TODAY and not 10 months ago when I was writing the book!

So...

"Mom... I have sort of a dirty joke for you. Do you want to hear it?"

(No, I am thinking. No, I absolutely do not want to hear my 13 year old baby tell me a dirty joke! It's too soon! I'm too young! He's too innocent!"

"Sure," I say, because if I don't say "Sure" someday he'll hear about figging or some other WTF sexual practice and think it's okay since his mother never told him that dirty jokes weren't real and nothing that makes your flesh burn should ever be stuck up your butt.

Anyway--

"Okay, Mom-- what do you get when you type an eight, an equal sign, an equal sign, a capital D and a bunch of squiggly lines."

And for those of you who have a hard time visualizing this, let me help you--because, see, I used this IN A BOOK that might possibly be coming out in a couple of weeks.

8==D~~

Uhm, given the genre in which I write, that might seem a little familiar.

"That's funny," I told him. "I used that in a book. Except I put a greater/than symbol and a big O after it."

Zoomboy peers into space, and I can tell he's trying to visualize what this could possibly mean.

Let me assist...

8==D~~>O

"What does that mean... oh. OH! OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!"  

"And what have we learned from this incident?" I ask.

"Uh..." He is decidedly dazed.

"We've learned that any dirty joke you tell, Mommy knows a dirtier one. And what are you going to do with this new knowledge?"

"Uh, maybe not tell Mommy dirty jokes?"

"That's my boy!"

Parenting... there's some shit you just can't anticipate until it hits you in the ascii.

Checking In...

Okay-- I'll admit it. I'm falling asleep at 10 pm.  I'm pretty sure this is why I usually require a day of recovery after traveling.

Anyway...

I had THE perfect idea for today's blog post... and it's gone now.

I will tell you that the dogs slobbered over me for an hour last night. The cat was blocking my exit from the bed this morning. ZoomBoy laid down next to me for fifteen minutes to tell me he was reading Anne Frank in English class. And Squish was late to school because I spent extra time on her hair.

And tonight I cooked.

I managed to fuck up grilled cheese and glorify tater tots-- but I cooked. 

Frankly, it may be the most productive thing I do all day.

If I wake up tomorrow, I've got a fun post planned though...

Tune in tomorrow to see if I get interesting!

*Kermit Flail* Magical March style!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW. 
I mean WOW!!!
Last month was quiet-- but then, February is often short, frantic, and full of phlegm. (That was me-- but then as a month, it's short, frantic, and full of phlegm.)  But this month I have some AMAZINGLY awesome people here and I'm SO PROUD. 
First of all, Ariel is here. *GOEZ BANANAZ*  ARIEL IS HERE!  Ariel Tachna, one of this genre's icons and first go-to writers. As the head of DSP's translations department, she is the bright light that LITERALLY helps spread gay romance all over the world, and she is one of my first and oldest friends in this business.  
So when she asked me if she could be on Kermit Flail, I fell all over myself saying yes.  Her new book, Talking in Code looks AMAZING, and it comes with a blog tour link that features shorts written to complement the series, and I suggest you guys go look, because SWEET! Free fiction from an amazing writer and an utterly awesome person.
Also here is the man who runs the Queer Sci-Fi newsletter and FB page, and who runs the Sci-fi writer's group of Sacramento. In an optimistic good natured way, he's been taking one of my favorite genres out to the people--and giving the writers in my little corner of the world a new and united voice. So let's hear it for J. Scott Coatsworth and his new release Skythane-- it is VERY worth cheering.  
ALSO-- anyone who's been reading this genre for long knows about this book-- Rick R. Reed's Dinner at the Blue Moon Cafe is a must-read, and it's being re-released from DSP this month, and if you haven't heard of it, it's high time!
AND... *shivers with excitement*  OH MY GOD YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS BOOK!  Damon Suede's beautiful, raw, sexy, stunningly romantic book Lickety Split is almost out. I'M SO EXCITED!!! He let me interview him, although that's not usually a thing I do, and I had SO MUCH FUN!!!!  The interview will be posted next week, and SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! But in the meantime the book is available for pre-order and omg YES, you want this book!!! 
So..... Damn. I hit the jackpot this *Kermit Flail* Monday-- and yes, there are a few new releases from me at the end!!!!!!!!
So folks, this was, no doubt about it, one of my favorite Kermit Flails-- I hope you enjoy!!!  


Talking in Codes 
by Ariel Tachna
*Note--Ariel has written SEVEN shorts to complement this book -- they are found on her blog tour and the link is right here!  Blog tour link 


Blurb: Some things crumble under pressure. Others are tempered by it instead. For three former soldiers, a tragedy might be the catalyst that binds them together—stronger than ever.


Richard Horn and Timothy Davenport met in the SEALs twenty years ago and have been lovers ever since. Now running their own paramilitary organization, Strike Force Omega, they work in the shadows to protect their country and its people. When Tim falls for Eric Newton, a deadly sniper and strategist on their team, Richard accepts that Tim’s heart is big enough for two men. He respects, admires, and even desires Eric enough to accept him into their relationship—and their bed—but he’s never been fully a part of what Eric and Tim share.

Then Eric is captured by terrorists and Tim is gravely injured in an op gone wrong, bringing Richard’s world crashing down around his ears. Even if he gets his men out alive, Eric must face the aftermath of months of physical and psychological torture—and without Tim to lean on, Eric’s PTSD is tearing him apart. Richard has to figure out the third leg of their triangle fast, or Tim won’t have a life to come back to.

Buy at Dreamspinner Press



Lickety Split
by Damon Suede

Patch Hastle grew up in a hurry, ditching East Texas for NYC to make his name as a DJ and model without ever looking back. When his parents die unexpectedly, he heads home to unload the family farm ASAP and skedaddle. Except the will left Patch’s worst enemy in charge: his father’s handsome best friend who made his high school years hell.

Tucker Biggs is going nowhere. Twenty years past his rodeo days, he’s put down roots as the caretaker of the Hastle farm. He knows his buddy’s smartass son still hates his guts, but when Patch shows up growed-up, looking like sin in tight denim, Tucker turns his homecoming into a lesson about old dogs and new kinks.

Patch and Tucker fool around, but they can’t fool themselves. Once the farm’s sold, they mean to call it quits and head off to separate sunsets. With the clock ticking, the city slicker and his down-home hick get roped into each other’s life. If they’re gonna last longer than spit on a griddle, they better figure out what matters—fast.
Buy at Amazon





Sky thane

by J. Scott Coatsworth

Jameson Havercamp, a psych from a conservative religious colony, has come to Oberon—unique among the Common Worlds—in search of a rare substance called pith. He’s guided through the wilds on his quest by Xander Kinnison, a handsome, cocky wing man with a troubled past.

Neither knows that Oberon is facing imminent destruction. Even as the world starts to fall apart around them, they have no idea what’s coming—or the bond that will develop between them as they race to avert a cataclysm.

Together, they will journey to uncover the secrets of this strange and singular world, even as it takes them beyond the bounds of reality itself to discover what truly binds them together.
Buy at Amazon



Dinner at the Blue Moon Cafe
by Rick R. Reed
A monster moves through the night, hidden by the darkness, taking men, one by one, from Seattle’s gay gathering areas.

Amid an atmosphere of crippling fear, Thad Matthews finds his first true love working in an Italian restaurant called the Blue Moon Café. Sam Lupino is everything Thad has ever hoped for in a man: virile, sexy as hell, kind, and… he can cook!

As their romance heats up, the questions pile up. Who is the killer preying on Seattle’s gay men? What secrets is Sam’s Sicilian family hiding? And more importantly, why do Sam’s unexplained disappearances always coincide with the full moon?

The strength of Thad and Sam’s love will face the ultimate test when horrific revelations come to light beneath the full moon.


Pre Order at Amazon 




Bonfires 
by Amy Lane
Ten years ago Sheriff’s Deputy Aaron George lost his wife and moved to Colton, hoping growing up in a small town would be better for his children. He’s gotten to know his community, including Mr. Larkin, the bouncy, funny science teacher. But when Larx is dragged unwillingly into administration, he stops coaching the track team and starts running alone. Aaron—who thought life began and ended with his kids—is distracted by a glistening chest and a principal running on a dangerous road.

Larx has been living for his kids too—and for his students at Colton High. He’s not ready to be charmed by Aaron, but when they start running together, he comes to appreciate the deputy’s steadiness, humor, and complete understanding of Larx’s priorities. Children first, job second, his own interests a sad last.

It only takes one kiss for two men approaching fifty to start acting like teenagers in love, even amid all the responsibilities they shoulder. Then an act of violence puts their burgeoning relationship on hold. The adult responsibilities they’ve embraced are now instrumental in keeping their town from exploding. When things come to a head, they realize their newly forged family might be what keeps the world from spinning out of control.

Buy at Amazon
 
Audio Book: Winter Ball


Through a miserable adolescence and a lonely adulthood, Skipper Keith has dreamed of nothing but family. The closest he gets is the rec league soccer team he coaches after work - and his star player and best friend, Richie Scoggins.

One brisk night in late October, a post-practice convo in Richie's car turns into a sexual encounter neither of them expected - nor want to forget. Soon Skip and Richie are living for the weekends and their winter league soccer games - and the games they enjoy off the field. Through broken noses, holiday decorating, and the killer flu, they learn more about each other than they ever dreamed possible. Every new discovery takes them further beyond the boundaries of the soccer field and into the infinite possibilities of the best relationship of Skipper's life.

Skipper can't dream of a better family than Richie - but Richie's got real family entanglements he can't shake off. Skipper needs to convince Richie to stay with him beyond winter ball so the relationship they started on the field might become their happy future in real life!

Buy Audio Book HERE 


Audio Book: The Virgin Manny
The Mannies

Growing up and falling in love....

Sometimes family is a blessing and a curse. When Tino Robbins is roped into helping his sister deliver her premade Italian dinners, when he should be studying for finals, he's pretty sure it's the latter! But one delivery might change everything.

Channing Lowell's charmed life changes when his sister dies and leaves him her seven-year-old son. He's committed to doing what's best for Sammy...but he's going to need a lot of help. When Tino lands on his porch, Channing is determined to recruit him to Team Sammy.

Tino plans to make his education count - even if that means avoiding a relationship - but as he falls harder and harder for his boss, he starts to wonder: Does he have to leave his newly forged family behind in order to live his promising tomorrow?
Buy Audio Book HERE 

Not dead yet!!

Heya all--

Good morning to you--or night?

I DO get pretty turned around while I'm here.

Anyway--DSP Weekend is one of my favorite times of the year-- I get to say hi to my fellow authors and to Gloria Lakritz who drives here to Orlando to see US--and to the people who work for DSP.

I know throughout the years I've been complimentary of Dreamspinner Press, but I don't know if I can emphasize how wonderful the people here are. We ARE family. When there is an event where we gather, I know I will have had a one on one conversation with pretty much 3/4 of the people there--and I have adored them all.

So while part of me is freaking out over my class tomorrow (btw--I posted new materials on my website for it!) a part of me is just so happy to be here.

And tonight, I got to give cocktail advice to a lovely pair of young men who were looking a little baffled with all of the noise and the hubbub. "We love to talk to people," they said, "but we don't want to impose."

"It's easy," I said. "You walk up behind me, put your arm around my waist, kiss my cheek and say, 'Hello!'  And I'll step back and like that, you'll be part of the group."

And when I was a kid, I never thought it would be that easy.  Ears and elbows and insecurity--I didn't think anybody could ever look at me at a cocktail party and think "Oh, this person belongs."

But these guys, they nodded, and we chatted, and I made them feel more comfortable, and I thought, "Oh, hey! See? Grew out of the ears and elbows, and some of the insecurity--I'm reasonably impressed."

So I'm learning a lot and talking a lot (are we surprised? I don't think we are...)  And generally delighted to be here.

And speaking of delighted... Mate took Zoomboy and Squish to go perform for the Reno Bighorns again tonight.

I think they're having a grand time :- )

Super Quick Things

 *waves madly*

Sorry about spacing last night-- I was finishing a presentation, and once it was done, I realized, "Hey! I've tweaked my neck and I can't sit at the computer anymore!"

But presentation done, and now it's on to pack-- I'm going to Florida for DSP Weekend (the publisher's conference we all look forward too every year :-) and I'm PHEW... sort of behind.

Anyway-- I have TWO audiobooks out in the span of a week, and yes, I'll remind you on Kermit Flail but I thought I'd mention them now!  

The first is Virgin Manny, and it's a new narrator but I love him VERY much!

The second is Winter Ball and I THINK the reason this took so long to be released is that Nick J. Russo did the narration-- and he's one of my FAVORITE narrators and very much in demand.

So I"m excited about this--and I hope you are too!

Also--and I'll be announcing this during Kermit Flail, but I've done an interview with the AMAZING Damon Suede for his new book, Lickety Split-- It should be up on March 13th or so.  I don't do reviews much anymore, BUT I HAVE read this book. And loved it. So very very very much. So that love inspired the interview questions--and I hope you'll join me here when that goes up!

And that's about it-- gotta go run and pack!  We're driving up to San Francisco so Mate can drop me off at a crappy hotel. From there, the inestimable Ms. Juliane Bentley and myself will shuttle to the airport at 5 a.m., and then to Florida!

I'm so excited--I see so many friends there!

We did something!

He's "blupping". Still not stalking you... forever and ever and ever...*Note-- I tweeted some of these pictures and events. I went back and copied some of the tweets as captions, cause, uh, it's late, and I'm not that funny even when I'm NOT tired!


So, one of my biggest fears of having the kids for a week at home is that all they will end up doing is sitting around watching videos while mom works. 
ZB: I love going to the zoo-- it's like a giant game of find the thing! Squish: Waldo....Well, I"m not saying I couldn't have gotten some work in last week (boy I am writing slides most of tomorrow. Yeesh!) But I DEFINITELY got some stuff done with the kids this last week.
On Monday and Wednesday they had rehearsal for their performance at the basketball arena, on Tuesday they had hair cuts, on Thursday they had mani-pedis (ZB got emerald green on his toes), and on Friday, they had the performance at the arena AFTER Squish played soccer. 
Phew. 
And on Saturday, we went with my friend Berry Jello to the zoo. 

Zoomboy does the zoo... And today was all about folding clothes, washing dishes and sleeping off giant headaches. 
We have not yet ventured into the day, but we have sat for hours and stared yearningly into the light...So yeah. 
I think it's safe to say we did something!

Tiger, tigering... We are evil giraffes...
ZoomBoy: Did you see that chimpanzee? He pooped in his hand and ate it! Chicken: Who needs two girls/one cup? Me: *walks away*

And the moral of the story is...

Okay, so when Mate gets home we all duck.

He's not a horrible person--I swear! But he will walk in and we'll all be settled into something peaceful, and suddenly it's, "Did we get this? What's for dinner? Why is there a Cheez-Its box on the couch? Why can't we put stuff away?"

This flurry of bitching usually lasts about five minutes, and then--it subsides.

There is peace in the realm, and Mate becomes my sweet and funny companion once again.

And today, as he was ranting about the Cheeze-Its boxes, I went to fetch another salty/crispy snack for him, because that's just what I do, and it hit me.

He's hangry.

Now, Mate doesn't admit to being hangry.  He used to be able to go for DAYS without food, only brought back to earth with the rest of us humans when his nose started to bleed and he almost passed out. (This happened a couple of times right after we'd moved in together. Made me want to smack him cause it scared the hell out of me.)

Anyway-- it would make sense that he's hangry-- his commute's a pita, and he eats lunch at 12:30 and claws his way through traffic at 6:30, and it wouldn't occur to him to, say, maybe eat a snack at four or something so he doesn't come home and berate his wife and children out of nowhere.

Now, I usually have that snack right on hand--I pretty much thrust it into his grasp the minute he walks through the door. But I really need to get him to remember to eat on his own before he has to deal with his confused wife.

So the moral of this story?

DON'T WIVE HANGRY!