Amy Lane's Blog: Writer's Lane, page 135

How to Get to 8 p.m. Without Even Trying

1.  Sleep in until 9.

2.  Wander into the kitchen and putter around on the computer without actually doing anything useful.

3.  At 10:30, jump feet first into a social media brouhaha in a burst of temper that threatens to take over your day.

4.  At twelve o'clock walk away to shower.

5.  At one o'clock make a vow to do the laundry, right after you write a few words.

6.  At three o'clock, recognize you've been falling asleep over your computer for the past two hours, and 200 words isn't worth this time spent on your ass.

7.  At 3:10, cave into the inevitable and nap.

8.  At 4:10, wake up and try to write some more.

9.  At 4:30, give in to the siren call of the movie your husband is watching on television.  It's one he really loves (The Proposal) and for some reason sitting down to watch the rest of this movie seems like a good idea.

10.  At 5:30, recognize that you're not going to set the world on fire today.  Read a little.  For pleasure.  Resist the temptation to write a letter of confession to all the people to whom you owe things that don't involve reading for pleasure.  Fight the impulse to send Tara Lain a thank you note for getting you out of your own head.

11.  At 6:30, begin dinner by initiating the countdown to the most evil foodstuff known to man:  Bacon.

12.  From 6:30-7:30 do an amazing thing: WRITE.  Also, add ground beef, noodles, olives, and spaghetti sauce.  We're ingratiating ourselves to our family today having potentially pissed off all our friends.

13.  7:30-- finish dinner.  Dish for family.  Eat.  It is decadent and fattening.  Much like your day.  Chat desultorily on computer as you eat.

14.  8:30-- look at the clock and go, "Oh holy crap!  It's 8:30 p.m., and I wasn't even trying!"

15.  Open window to blog.

16.  Plan on another long night-- after all, there are still words to be written.

… and I just happened to notice...

So, I had just gotten into the car to drive home from Yaoi-Con on Sunday night, and I just happened to notice…

… That I'd been wearing my shoes for twelve hours.  Now these are really comfy shoes, but no shoes should be worn for twelve hours, and a little irritation on the top of my foot suddenly, just as I was pulling onto the freeway to 101, became unbearable.  In that moment, I could feel every flake of dead skin, every corrugation of canvas, every half-dried drop of sweat, every tiny pressure point on the bottom, every abused atom of my feet as it was being hyper stimulated by air and the gas and brake peddle.

I almost wrecked the car.

ADHD people know what I'm talking about. The thing starts the spiral of the thing which makes the thing get worse than the thing and the other thing builds up and the thing hurts and the thing bothers you and every little tiny brainwave narrows down to obsess about the freaking thing!

I was seriously so obsessed a about the thing that when I finally pulled off the road after an hour so I could change my shoes, I almost wet my pants.  Apparently there was another thing I'd neglected to obsess about while I was obsessing about the thing.

Jebus.  Next time I notice my freaking feet, I'll change my shoes immediately. 

And the other day I was in line at McDonalds, and I just happened to notice…

The truck in front of me wasn't giving money to the girl in the counter.  It was giving pizzas.  Three Costco pizzas.  And grapes.  And some oranges.  

And I shit you not, nobody would fess up.  "So! You guys having a party?"

"I"m sorry?  That'll be five-sixty-two ma'am!"

Seriously-- next time I go to McDonald's, I want a pizza.  And some grapes.

So, I was driving into my neighborhood and I just happened to notice…

The lady walking two dogs.  One of them was a Great Dane and the other was a snack.  Or, you know, just small enough to be a snack.  A Chihuahua, that was literally half the size of Johnnie.  It's about the size of the Great Dane's jaw.

I wonder if those dogs are buddies, or if one day, the little one is just going to disappear. I'm sayin'.  It could happen.

So, the kids were bitching at each other in the back of the car, and I just happened to notice…

That the bitchier they are at each other, the more likely they are to sit next to each other.  What the hell is that?  I mean seriously-- is it so when they pull off the gloves and get ready to beat each other like cookie dough, they're in proximity?  I don't know, but there's a reason the station wagon was so beloved.  You get a mother in there with some reach, and she could take most of the kids out with one swing.

Oh-- and this one is bad.

There is a Safeway near my house that sometimes allows people to fundraise.  Girl Scouts do it, soccer teams do it,  Catholic churches do it-- and two boys, one around six, and the other either his very young father or his older brother--do it.  The boys are black.

So, I was in Safeway when I just happened to notice…

A security guard swaggers in and tells the check out girl, "I keep telling those people they can't do that here.  I need to go call the police but the cops don't care."

The girl goes, "The kids selling chocolate?  Aw…"  It was obvious her sympathy was all for the kids-- because I've seen them before.  They're polite, they're neat, the candy looks good quality, and they're not pushy.  They also stand across the little street on the verge, so they're never in your face.  I've bought candy a could of times, and they never try to sell you more than you want-- I like that in a fundraiser myself.

So I go outside, signal the kids over, and pull out my wallet.  And while I"m buying five dollars worth of candy, the woman who was behind me in the check out line comes up and buys more candy and gives it to me.  And both of us look at the security guard--who has just come out and was heading for the guys before he saw us--like he can go piss up a rope.

Because Jesus, how hard is it to just happen to notice that this situation was all kinds of fucked up.  I've never, not once, seen the Catholic church rousted from fundraising right next to the store.  

*whew*

Well, that last one sucked, but that's about all… oh… wait… I've got one more…

So, I was remembering what day it is and I just happened to notice…

That Beneath the Stain Part IV is out tonight.  You know, in case you didn't already buy the whole package.

A Place We Can Be Ourselves

I love Yaoi-Con. 
Unequivocally, and without reservation.
This was my fourth YC-- and the first one was literally weeks after I'd been pulled out of my classroom.  In fact, it was one of the things that kept me from just falling apart.  It was my first convention with Dreamspinner Press, and I had to tell my lawyers I had a book signing in San Francisco-- they were so impressed-- and I felt like maybe I had something to offer the world.
Lucy Wilde from
Despicable Me 2I remember being a combination of nervous and exhausted at my first convention with DSP--and that combination has followed me through the last four years.  I also remember being so impressed--everybody there, even the most jaded dealer, was there because they loved the art, the stories, and the general idea that yes, we were adults, but we could still play make-believe. 
The other dealers had such an awesome mix of art and ingenuity and excitement.  Many of them dressed, and those who didn't dress displayed their talent and enthusiasm through their art or writings. I was so proud to be in their number.
And the attendees.  
Tina from Bob's
BurgersChicken and Big T get excited about cons and they plan their costume for weeks in advance.  I'm so proud of them--I feel like I'm part of that, since we've dressed up for the Ren Faires forever.   I'm so excited to see what people at Yaoi-Con can do as well.  I get goofy happy when I see really well conceptualized costumes, and while I have some pictures (not great ones-- for some reason, my camera was all into the blurry inside) I missed some of the best.  The two awesome ladies who dressed as Evil Kirk and Evil Spock AS A COUPLE come to mind.  I couldn't gush enough.
Dean and Cas--
Destiel forever.And into this wacky-- and wondrous-- mix of costumes and excitement and general consumeristic frenzy, there were actual fans of mine who came to see me.  Roget, Erin, Laura, Jason--I'm talking to you.  There were other folks as well, whose names I didn't get, who told me they'd come especially to meet me, and that made me really proud.  (The young woman who was depressed that we didn't have a paperback copy of Truth in the Dark stands out particularly, as does @ctrl_issues whose name I didn't get.)  
Roget, posing
 regally as a
monochromicorn.Since I was sent to track down Prince of Cats, Alex Woolfson, and Hamlet Machine (Chicken had some very specific requests for her birthday, since she was going to a Linkin' Park concert instead of YC) I could totally appreciate people who ventured to a crowded booth and said, "Uhm, I just came to talk to you.  Because…" It takes courage to do that, even if the person is smiling and accepting.  And I know I tend to freeze up in front of people.  I'm sure Alex Woolfson thought I was a complete idiot, even though he was gracious and amazing about it.  So I appreciate everyone who came to talk to me. 
I thought you were all wonderful, and you helped make my weekend.
Kirk and Doc McCoy Assassin's CreedAlso making my weekend were Mary Calmes who could teach an entire seminar on salesmanship and being the kind of reader every writer wants to have, and being the kind of writer everyone should read.  Her simple enthusiasm for books made our booth special.  And yeah-- I could be biased, but I know most of the world agrees with me, so I'm going to say that's the absolute truth.  

Julianne is stunning in a
corset.Also with the DSP booth were Anne Reagan, our beloved editor at Harmony Ink Books, Julianne Bentley (who enjoyed the corset booth very much!) from the admin department, and Beau Shemery and Augusta Li, two our our most celebrated fantasy authors, and author EM Lynley who was at my first Yaoi-Con and here as well!
In all, it was a fun weekend of books and camaraderie, and although I missed my family (as always) I was also thrilled to be there. So is Beau :-)
Of course, I bought stuff for the kids-- hats with ears and kitsune for the younger set, all sorts of birthday gifts for Chicken, and-- my favorite find-- Gillian Anderson Agent Scully Pins for T.  (Hey-- straight boy candy at Yaoi-Con is a find, trust me on this!)   Roget and his friend show us what
Welcome to Night Vale is all about. 
And when I got home?  
Well, Zoomboy summed it up best:  When you leave and come back, the dog is like, "YOU'RE HERE YOU'RE HERE YOU'RE HERE!" and the cat's are like, 'Why did you leave me!"  
My family is more small dog than cat, I think, because they sure did make me happy to be home.
Miss Julianne
and I got our knitting on
during the slow parts.

A Short Mental Monologue of What Goes on in My Head Before I Leave on a Trip...

Getting up at six-thirty, taking a shower, checking my e-mail SQUIRREL Did I remember to pack the haven't checked my e-mail!
electronics bag?  No.  Didn't remember to pack the electronic's bag because I

Okay, dressed, hair up, doing make-up, good, never do make-up SQUIRREL Squish, I need to do your hair!  Good, hair done, nice and brushed, be sure to make Dad braid it for you, have I packed the Mary bag?  Mom, you can't put the octopurt in the Mary bag, the octopurt is for Chicken!  Wait, did I check my e-mail, what do you mean the octopurt is for Chicken?  Must text Chicken!  Chicken, do you want the octopurt?  The octopurt is epic, and all stuffed animals are GOOD stuffed animals.  Okay, will leave the octopurt-- wait, is it time to leave for school?

In the minivan, cruising along, do you have money for lunch, yes because I gave you money for lunch yesterday and dad gave you money for lunch online, so you guys are rolling in lunch money, so that's okay SQUIRREL!  Oh no!  I forgot to put the Mary bag and the electronics bag and the other bag in the front of the car… oh.  Wait.  Still need to drop of the kids and drop off the dog before I leave town.

Huh… Okay kids, bye, be good, have fun at school and practice and during your games and during your doctor appointments and with the grandparents and I'll be leaving now… yeah.  After I drop of the dog SQUIRREL! Wait-- did I give you lunch… oh, never mind.

Okay, finally home, and the yarn bag's packed and the Mary bag is packed and the electronics bag is packed except for the laptop cause I'm checking my e-mail, Hi, Ariel!  How you doin'!  Yeah, let's chat for just second because I've got to leave SQUIRREL!  FIVE MINUTES AGO!  Okay, got all the bags into the car, are we ready to go?  Ready to go a little?  Ready to go a lot?  Because… okay… backing out of the house, stop at the mini-mart, fill up on gas and go…

I"m fifteen minutes late.

But I'm thinking about Avery and about Cal and bout the fact that Beneath the Stain Part 3 is coming out tonight, and how excited I am and how everybody is talking this up and that people sort of love it, and then Avery's car is breaking down and Cal is helping him on the side of the road and hey, what's that song?  Is that Damien Jurado, because I'm loving his album and this song sounds just like Mackey and SQUIRREL!  Hey-- people do love Mackey, don't they?

Then I stop at the rest stop and I"m on time.

And then… Mary texts me when I'm in so much traffic heading for the Bay Bridge that I can actually look at texts, and oh no!  She's here already!  And I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!  And traffic is crawling and she's asking where are you?

I take a picture.  It's easier to send.  And another when there's a pause.

And finally, finally, I'm on the road, free and clear, except why is this car going so slow?  And the one in front of it?  And hazard lights-- they have hazard lights on… why is that… oooh… hey, how long does this funeral procession go anyway?

Two miles?

But that puts me right at

THE AIRPORT!

And there's Mary.

And our Yaoi-Con adventure can begin.

In fact, it already has-- there's the first Bishie boy, and isn't he terrific!



 I can't wait to see more…

Squirrel!

Recovery

So, Thursday was all about getting home and unpacking, and the last three days have been a combination of playing catchup with the work on my desk, getting moar work on my desk, unpacking, and trying really hard to get ready for Yaoi-Con next week.

The last time I was so far behind in this job was last November-- I remember something about eleven edits and NANOWRIMO and the rest was pretty much a blur.

*  Squishie was goalie when her team got pounded. They lost something like seven to nothing, and Squish went for every ball, even though she got kicked in the hand a couple of times.  We were really proud of her-- especially of her can-do attitude.  Go Squish!  And boy, it's gonna be a loooongg season.

*  Mate and Zoomboy's team won 5-1.  Mate and the other coach both agreed that it had been a close game-- one of those games where the score is misleading because the goals were such a small part of the actual play.  He was happy all weekend, and I was proud for him.  We have yet to figure out if Zoomboy has registered the fact that he's won.

*  Mate and I attended back-to-school night.  Mate got Squish's class, wherein he determined that if she continues to do well, she may possibly skip fourth grade.  She's currently one of six third graders in a combined 3/4th class, and, well, 90% of her work is at a 4th grade level.  That's sort of awesome for her-- I hope-- because seriously, we don't want her to grow up too fast.

*  Zoomboy is in the sixth grade.  This means that he's got a trip to Yosemite in March, he needs to pay close attention to the three different teachers he has, and the yes, cyberbullying is an issue, and that his class has already had girl drama and texting/FB issues.  That last thing made my stomach go absolutely frigid with fear.  ZB is not ready for this shit.  Then I remembered…

*  In one giant windmill flail, Zoomboy destroyed the tablet that we were letting the kids play games on.  Yes, we were able to replace it with insurance (and a temper tantrum on Mate's part because the insurance was… well, whack.  Thereyago.  Short answer.  Whack.)  but the kids are well aware that computers and them?  Not going to be great friends, no, not until they get to go buy their own.

*  I finally-- finally-- finished the Amy's Lane installment that should have been up on Tuesday.  (You can find it right HERE, and it's about writing collaboration and goblins.)

*  I got to hold babies.  (I did not get pictures, which is a crying shame, because these babies WILL steal your heart, from the squishy little chocolate cheeks to their curly black hair to their soulful brown eyes-- bebes!!!!)

*  The second installment of Beneath the Stain came out.  This is only important because now more people are angry at me.  (I seriously read a review that said, "Fuck you, Amy Lane, how could you DO this to my poor broken heart!"  I was like, "Uhm… so, you liked it?"  I mean, yes-- there's a reason I have to ask!)

*  The dog and the cat got comfortable again.  This is only important because I'm leaving for Yaoi-Con on Thursday, and they shall hate me moar.

*  I got the last of my swag-- I am a wee bit disappointed, and shall be on the phone tomorrow (add one more thing to the list) because I think they could have come out better.

*  Mate and I have been entertaining each other during Mate's vacation.  Two examples of how much fun we've been having are:

Mate, while looking through the refrigerator this morning: We seem to be out of milk.  *cough cough*  And donuts!  (Yes, I bought some-- he asks for so little, my Mate.)

Mate, looking at his phone image: Why am I so dark?

Me: Too much Nietsche as a child?

*  Oh!  And, for some reason, the lovely Trina, my aqua instructor, thought I'd be the only person she knew who would appreciate her alligator god purse.  She could be right.  I thought it was awesome, but I seem to be the only one.  Ah, well.  She'll be the only person I know with one, and that alone shall make her special.  (She's pretty special anyway, but the purse just makes it.)

And I'm afraid that's where I've got to leave it.  1 a.m. is where I draw the line for blogging, I think, and since I'm going to have to blog before I leave for YC?  Yeah.  Time to go.  Have a good week folks-- don't forget to check out the article on collaboration.  I swear next time?  I'll be funny!

Hooky

 Okay-- I admit it.  As a parent, my ethics regarding my children's attendance at school are, at best…

Slippery.

See…

When Chicken was in middle school, I took her out of school during Valentine's Day, because for her, it was an emotional bloodbath and I'd rather have her come to school with me.

When my kids were sick, I stayed home with them-- yes, sometimes costing me the price of a sub out of my paycheck--because I didn't believe stuffing them full of Tylenol was the way to go.

I've missed work to travel cross country, and once missed the week of prep before school started to take my kids to Disneyland.

So really, the fact that Mate and I took the kids to the ocean on the Sunday before Labor day-- came home two days afterward--should surprise nobody.  You've seen it coming, right?

And yes, I know I should feel bad about not preparing my kids for the real world, but I gotta tell you.

It's taking a while for the guilt to set in.

See, that first picture is Pleasure Pizza.  Now, if we'd actually been there during the weekend, it would have been nutzo, because it's the best pizza place in Capitola (which Mate's iPhone pronounced caPEETola, to our everlasting delight.)  But no-- we went there around eight o' clock Monday evening, when there weren't many people out at all, and we got all of the yummy slices to ourselves!  (They take the slices off the warming rack and put them back in the oven, and the crust is crunchy and delicious and the sauce is to die for and… it looks like a hole in the wall.  DON'T MISS IT.)

(The third picture is Zoomboy, looking well groomed as always before we left the hotel.  I particularly like that he's wearing my jacket inside out.  Yup. We teach responsibility.)

The third picture is from the half an hour we actually spent at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk-- when Mate was stuck in traffic.  We were just going to skip the whole arcade experience, but I grabbed the kids and took off, since the car wasn't going anywhere.  Anyway, it should have been no big deal, right?  The kids win a couple of tickets while we're waiting for Mate to text?  And then Squishy TOOK OUT the big bad guy in the game and won 500 tickets.  Which we had to wait to scroll out.  And then put in the counting machine.  And then negotiate for the prize.  And then ZB didn't have enough tickets for a prize, because Squishy, who has benefited MANY times from ZB's generosity, totally blew him off to get the stuffed tiger, so we had to all play for tickets so he could have something too.  And then, after Mate texted, wondering where the hell we were, they had to negotiate custody of the stuffed tiger the whole way to the car.  I told them we'd seen that sitcom plot on too many shows to count, but they were sure they could manage a three day split that started at midnight, every night.  Kids.

That was Monday.  Before the boardwalk we left the hotel to visit with the lovely Miss Julianne Bentley, who took me to visit her yarn store, and I indulged, and after the boardwalk we managed about an hour of beach time that night before taking the kids to pizza.  And damn-- that's a pretty full day if I say so myself.

Tuesday was my favorite day-- we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, and it was perfect, as always.  This time, we got the backstage Aquarium tour, and the Sea Otter tour, and we went and saw Tentacles, the cephalopod exhibit, and in general it was…

Perfect.

For one thing, it was Tuesday.  Our kids were practically the only kids in the aquarium who spoke English (lots and lots of European travelers-- was very cool) and the crowds were thin enough that we could see about anything that caught our fancy.

The Sea Otter tour was awesome-- the guy in charge was an expert on the critters, and for a young guy he had a plethora of jokes and knowledge.  The program had become sort of special-- right now the Monterey Bay Aquarium only takes female sea otters, and they use them to surrogate the pups they find abandoned.  The five girls go in rotation, and when one of them is acting as a surrogate, they're isolated from people.  Their tenders wear "Darth Vader" ponchos, masks, and gloves-- they don't even talk in front of the otters, so that the pups don't imprint on humans.  It's pretty awesome, because they work very hard at getting as many otters back into the wild as possible.

Anyway-- the fun part of all of that was that as we were taking the tours, the guides were asking my kids questions-- you know, those leading questions about stuff?  Well, my kids were the only two on both tours, and they knew all the answers to all of their leading questions.  The adults were like, "Wow! Great!" and then they gave us some more in depth facts because they didn't have to explain the basics.

Of course after the tour, we went to Bubba Gump Shrimp Company because tradition, and this time we got to sit on the patio with the surf underneath our feet and (oh bliss!) the overcast, 68 degree day above.  I know.  It doesn't sound wonderful, unless you're at the beginning of September and have been living in Sacramento during three years of drought.  It was awesome. 

And don't ask me how these things happened.  They're pretty wonderful in themselves.

Anyway--during our last morning we tried to go to the beach and ended up at a surfer's beach at CaPEETola, which was cool to watch, but not so fun to try to walk around.  the ground was mostly rocks and the tide was right up to them, and frankly, none of us were up to scrambling around the rocks.  A surfer had passed by with a cut on his foot, and the big blotches of blood only seemed to confirm that we were trespassing on holy ground, and this was not our turf.  Seriously-- we save our blood for the soccer field, which is why we returned on Wednesday afternoon. Mate has a game on Saturday-- he couldn't go without coaching, right?

Anyway-- It was a lovely long and lost weekend, and I felt much better about facing work today (yes, I love my job, but even I need a break.)  I did skip a regular blogging day, and Amy's Lane is a couple of days late, but you know?  I feel like a better writer and mom.

And the school?  They did my lying for me.  "I'm sorry-- Zoomboy and Squishy Lane will not be in today or tomorrow."  "Oh, I hope they feel better.  Bye!"

See?

Not a lie passeth my lips.

Oh!

And I feel compelled to remind people that the second installment of Beneath the Stain is out tomorrow-- Friday-- morning.  Don't forget that the bonus content is only available through the serial version and the serial is only available through Dreamspinner Press until the whole thing is released on amazon.com and allromanceebooks.com on October 17th.  So, you know-- get it while you can, even if you're not planning to read it until every segment is released!

So far folks have loved it! Don't forget to visit the FB page, Amy Lane's Stained Angels, or to visit Laura Adriana's song lists from the second part!  

*kermit flail Monday* September

** I added another book to this post, The Path, by Ariel Tachna-- for the full skinny on this book, please read the post via my website, www.writerslane.blogspot.com -- Thanks, Amy :-)


Okay-- I confess-- I've got but one Monday book to *flail* about-- but it's been a bit of a busy week.  So I'm going to pimp the book (it's a good one!) and pimp a cause and reveal the new cover for Black John and then I'm going to run away.  We're out of town this weekend, and, well, I sort of have a break coming.  Gonna enjoy it!

Anyway…

Charley Descoteaux is a lovely woman and I enjoyed meeting her at the Dreamspinner Press meet up in Portland this year.  Not only is it fun to promote her, but it's also fun to promote this book because, well, the title.  Given that I planned an entire series around titles like this, it's pretty frickin' awesome to see this one out there.  Makes me warm and fuzzy!

I hope you enjoy--

The Nesting Habits of Strange Birds  by Charley Descoteaux

All he ever wanted was to be a normal guy….

Phil Brask spends his days in the basement of his mentor's Victorian home, converting legal documents into electronic format. When the pipe feeding the water heater bursts, Lee Redding arrives in the plumber’s truck and draws Phil away from the narrow focus of his computer and camera lens. Lee gives Phil hope for a life beyond the walls he’s constructed using the nesting habits of migratory birds and dense legal files, a guided tour through a world filled with romance and music…maybe even family. But there’s a reason Phil retreated behind those walls, why he panics at a simple touch.

Lee has a good life—working with his uncle and on his mother’s farm, playing bass in a horrible metal band, and hooking up when he pleases—but he’s always suspected something was missing. When he meets the hot photographer with the icy-blue eyes, he knows exactly what that something is. Phil isn’t like other guys, but neither is Lee beneath his carefree exterior. Maybe Lee's the perfect guy to show Phil that everything doesn’t have to be done the hard way and "home" isn't a four-letter word.
BUY HERE


See?  Doesn't that sound awesome?  

Okay-- good!  Now, I promised I'd hook you up with a fun cause, and one of those moments where I remember that the title of this blog is Yarning to Write.  

Anyway-- Becky Gotthardt is a fixture in the romance community.  She attends conventions and is active on social media and is generally this strong presence of positivity in our corner of the world.  I know her on Twitter as @Fibrobabe, and I know her at conventions as someone I look forward to seeing.  (Also, she's held my stuff on more than one occasion.  Just saying.  The way to my heart is sometimes the way to helping me manage my luggage overload.  Now you know.)  

Anyway-- Becky is going to be at GRL this year, and she's organizing a drive to collect knitted goods for the Broadway Youth Center in Chicago. She is suggesting washable yarn, but other than that, I'm pretty sure they need scales, hats, gloves, mittens, and sweaters.  By all means visit the WEBSITE for more information on the cause, and for more information on Becky's efforts, visit her blogpost HERE.  

This is a good cause, and knitters are some of the most generous people in the world (unless it comes to sharing their special hand dyed stash) I know they're going to come through here.

***

And now, before I join my family on vacation (we're currently in Santa Cruz, recovering from some VERY tasty pizza at Woodstock's and watching part 2 of The Hobbit on cable) I'll leave you with this:

Yup-- Black John.  The release date is still up in the air, but it will be sometime this winter, and as for the cover?

I confess.

I usually try to go for accuracy with my guys.  I do.  But this model was so… well, pretty.  And snarky.  And intense.  And he could swing either way-- sarcastic or sad or cocky-- and that's John.  AndGalen is pretty and a little haunted. So forgive me my beautiful ginger model for John, who was a little plainer, but just as ginger.  I loved this look so much, I just had to go with him.

Oh… 

And I had a release this month… what was that again?  Some sort of serial, was it?  

Okay-- I could totally play it light here-- but I've gotten the same question a few times, so I'm going to answer it here--

You can ONLY find the special content in the serial release, and you can ONLY buy the serial at the Dreamspinner Press website.  This will be out on amazon.com on October 17th-- but it will only be the novel or paperback.  The extras are exclusive to the DSP serial offer.  

So even if you don't plan to read it until the end, it really is worth it to buy the package now.  (For one thing, it's sort of on sale!)  

So there you go-- short-- and I'll try to have pictures of my rapidly growing spawn in the next few days.

Tonight, under "Travails of Motherhood" I'll leave you with this:

Zoomboy was most put out because I was unable to play a game involving Star Wars trivia, and he asked me to go home and memorize (I shit you not) the Star Wars Character Encyclopedia so we could play on the same level.  I told him that it wouldn't work for the same reason he never remembered to brush his teeth in the morning.  We both had the same kind of brain-- it didn't necessarily remembered what we wanted it to. He has yet to forgive me.

Happy Monday!




 

Beneath the Stain

Description:In a town as small as Tyson, CA, everybody knew the four brothers with the four different fathers-- and their penchant for making good music when they weren't getting into trouble. For Mackey Sanders, playing in Outbreak Monkey with his brothers and their friends—especially Grant Adams--made Tyson bearable. But Grant has plans for getting Mackey and the Sanders boys out of Tyson, even if that means staying behind.

Between the heartbreak of leaving Grant and the terrifying, glamorous life of rock stardom, Mackey is adrift and sinking fast. When he's hit rock bottom, Trav Ford shows up, courtesy of their record company and a producer who wants to see what Mackey can do if he doesn't flame out first. But cleaning up his act means coming clean about Grant, and that's not easy to do or say. Mackey might make it with Trav's help--but Trav's not sure he's going to survive falling in love with Mackey.

Mackey James Sanders comes with a whole lot of messy, painful baggage, and law-and-order Trav doesn't do messy or painful. And just when Trav thinks they may have mastered every demon in Mackey's past, the biggest, baddest demon of all comes knocking. 

Yay!  It's out.  I mean, it's partially out.  The first part is out.  I mean, part one…
Okay, let me 'splain.  
No, too complicated.  Let me summarize.
A year and a half ago, Mate and I went to a Muse concert in February.  It was fucking awesome. 
As I sat in the audience, trying to knit a cowl for Ellis Carrington (I loved how it came out, btw, but Ellis, alas, does not do cowls.  Now I know.)  Amy-way…
As I sat in the audience, I thought, "Rock star.  Ooh… Rock star. And he leaves his first lover behind… and he falls pray to the rock 'n roll lifestyle. And he comes out of it, and falls in love again… and then…"
I won't spoil the "and then".  I will tell you this.  Some of the pivotal scenes in this book?  Some of the ones that will hurt you the most?  They unspooled in my head, from beginning to end, as I was sitting in Arco Arena, listening to Muse.
So I asked Mary to put it in the queue as "Rock Star".  And I had to, by the nature of the queue, sit on that one for a while. 
As I sat, it got richer, and richer.  And then, right before I was scheduled to write this story, I went to the Electric Christmas festival at Arco Arena, and one of my top ten bands, Cage the Elephant, played. The lead singer, Matty Shulz, was cocky, irritating, hilarious, and--obviously--higher than helium.  He was an obnoxious, egotistical little shit, but God did he have the fucking chops to back it up.  Cage the Elephant?  I still love them.  
But when I found out that one of the guys on stage-- the guitarists he fucked with the most as he was doing his stage histrionics-- was his older brother?
Oh my God. 
Mackey James Sanders and Outbreak Monkey were born.
And I knew it was going to be long.
Before I even broke paper, I foresaw 140K, easy.  So I leaned this sucker down, took out the extraneous, but the core of the story-- of Mackey and his brothers and of Outbreak Monkey and the music-- that remained intact.
The result was 170K.
Which is way, way, over industry standard length.
I had nothing I could cut down-- not and keep the story I wanted to tell.  But publishing something that big is… well, DSP had already cut my Bitter Moon books in half, and published them separately-- they'd established a precedent.  But there was no good place to cut this to make it two novels.  But it was the size of seven short novellas.  
So Elizabeth and Lynn decided to make Beneath the Stain a serial release.
I was the one who proposed the extra content.  
Like I said, in an effort to make an effective plot arc, and to keep the story from wallowing in its scope, I'd leaned it way down-- and left out all sorts of things that I'd wanted to write.  But if we were releasing the story as a serial, well, I wanted to give readers a reason to buy a serial.  And what better way than exclusive content? So I suggested "DVD Extras" (which was what we called them, all the way up to the galley stage, where the term was changed to "Bonus Scenes") and I wrote one scene for each section, and I wrote to answer the questions that I'd answered in my head, but didn't answer in the story itself.  
How bad was Stevie's dad?  How did Heather Sanders come to have four sons with four different fathers?  How would Heath and Trav become fast friends, when they were so very different?  How come Stevie and Jefferson look so much alike?  How does Blake finally mesh with the band?  What happened to he-who-shall-not-be-named after one-of-the-things-that-we-wish-hadn't-happened?  And, my favorite question/answer, how does a guy like Kell find a happy ending?  
These were incidental considerations in the overall plot arc-- Mackey was too self-involved and Trav too out of the loop to pursue those questions to their conclusions when writing from their point of view, and I'd leaned the test down too much for a secondary character info-dump to sit well with me.  
But to write an extra section?  That was perfect.  I was thrilled and hooked-- writing those extras were part of the best part of my summer.

So, today marks the release of the first part, and I feel compelled to post the release dates for all of them:
Part 1:  Friday, August 29th  
blurb--  Part One of Beneath the Stain  
In one breath of shotgunned pot smoke, Grant Adams breaks every taboo Mackey knows—and Mackey refuses to look back. In the shadows of their small town, Mackey and Grant carry on a precocious affair under the noses and behind the backs of girlfriends, parents, and overprotective older brothers. When Mackey's band finally has a chance to make it big, Mackey and Grant are put to the test. 

And fail miserably. 
Part 2:  Friday, September 5thPart 3:  Friday, September 12thPart 4:  Friday, September 19thPart 5:  Friday, September 26thPart 6:  Friday, October 3rdPart 7:  Friday, October 10th
Release of complete novel in either e-book or paperback: Friday, October 17th.  (Yes-- we will be at GRL--if you're going, and you want it waiting there, be sure you go to the DSP website and sign up to have it at GRL!)
Now-- you can get this story in five ways-- and I"m going to cut and paste that part right here:
Five Way to Buy  

1. Serial Package • Automatically get each part with special content on your bookshelf as it is released and the digital novel upon release. Serial runs 8/29/14-10/10/14. Novel releases 10/17/14. • $12.99. This option only available through dreamspinnerpress.com. 
2. Serial Deluxe Package • Automatically get each part with special content on your bookshelf as it is released and the digital novel upon release. Serial runs 8/29/14-10/10/14. Novel releases 10/17/14. • Also received a signed paperback mailed to you upon novel release. • $24.99 +shipping. This option only available through dreamspinnerpress.com. 

3. Serial Only (7 parts) 
• Buy individual parts with special content weekly for $1.99. Serial runs 8/29/14-10/10/14. 

4. & 5. Novel 
• Purchase the complete novel in eBook or paperback, no special content included. Novel releases 10/17/14. 
• eBook $6.99, paperback $17.99 
• Upon complete novel release, the serial will no longer be available
Did everybody see the highlighted part?  I'm going to clarify it, because usually I'm not a hardass, and this needs to be said out loud:
YES, this book will be available from 3rd party vendors on October 17th-- that's amazon.com, allromanceebooks.com, barnesandnobles.com, and any other legitimate business man on the net. 
And 
NO--the EXTRA CONTENT will NOT be available after the book is completely released.  So, if you want the extra content, the way to go will be the Serial Package-- that's essentially the price of a novella extra, to get what amounts to a novella's worth of extra content added to the story.  


Now, talking about cost leads me to 
PROMOTIONS--
Tomorrow, I'll be chatting on the DREAMSPINNER PRESS FACEBOOK PAGE  for three hours-- from 1-4, Pacific Standard Time.  I'll talk about Mackey and company, and I'll have a promotion code for ALL WORK BY AMY LANE AT DREAMSPINNER PRESS.  It will be good for two days-- so Saturday and Sunday-- and it's onetime use.  So THAT'S pretty exciting-- be sure to get in on that.
AND


I've already given you guys the blog tour, but I'll give it again, because there's a chance to win a Serial Package, as well as T-shirts and lanyards (if they ever arrive!) and other fun things.  Be sure to visit these places and enter on Rafflecopter, kay?
Tour Stops

August 22, 2014
Rainbow Gold Reviews
Sunshine Book Promotions

August 23, 2014
elisa - my reviews and ramblings 

August 24, 2014
My Fiction Nook

August 25, 2014
Coffee and Porn in the Morning  (aka Cupoporn) 

August 26, 2014
Boys in our Books

August 27, 2014
Nic Starr

August 28, 2014
Scrollin' Them Papers

August 29, 2014
Regular Guys. Hot Romance

August 30, 2014
Bronwyn Heeley

August 31, 2014
BookwormBridgette's World

September 1, 2014
BiblioJunkies

September 2, 2014
books are love

September 3, 2014
TT Kove

September 4, 2014
In The Pages of a Good Book





AND
I've set up a FB Group-- Amy Lane's Stained Angels-- so you can go there to discuss the story and check out the swag and get a heads up on other promotions.  Anyone can join, but beware-- it's going to be rife with spoilers, so visit at your own risk!
REVIEWS--
Rainbow Gold Reviews
Scrollin' Them Papers
AND 
(One more thing, I promise)
LauraAdriana has turned the first section into a playlist on Youtube.com-- she was going to do all six segments, but I have it on good authority that she got a ROCKIN' new day job, and she'll probably have WAY too much to do to get all that done.  That being said, I'm going to post the link to the first playlist, because it was an AWESOME idea, and I'm grateful ;-)
PLAYLIST-- PART 1
And… phew.  
Okay.  
I'm done.  
I mean, even if I'm not done, I'm done.  
But you guys-- I hope you enjoy the stories, and the extra content and the chat tomorrow and the whole page for discussion.  I'd love to see YOUR playlists, and PLEASE feel free to talk this story up and up and up, so that when it DOES hit amazon.com, people are DYING for it.
This story means a lot to me-- I'm so glad to share it with you.


  

And Today in Oddments

School's in session, glory be,
There will be time, time for me!
Time to write and time to read,
Animals to pet and feed!
Lunch to choose all by myself
Clothes to put away on a shelf.
Floors to mop and dishes to wipe,
(Let's not forget the time to write!)
Cats to pet and dogs to walk
Long neglected friends to talk
Net to surf, clothes to buy
(Must stop that--Mate's asking why
I'd possibly need some brand new shoes
In yet another shade of blue.)
I can play music while I sit
(Cartoons were giving me a facial tic)
And finally, finally, space in my head
So I can remember what my characters said.
And here I am, I've had a snack,
It's time to work, dog's in my lap,
I've done away with extraneous crap,
Just me and my laptop, and my mental map
Of shit that I must do…
I must…
I must…
I must…
*yawn*
Oh hell.  I think I really must nap.

***

So, now that that's out of the way, some catchup to do.

First of all-- Friday will be my big, "Why I wrote this book and how much do I hope you love it!" for Beneath the Stain.  The first installment will be out on Friday, and I'm SO remembering how much I've dreaded book releases in the past.  Especially this one.  For one thing, it's coming out in sections, and I know I"m going to have a hard time looking at the GR ratings.  People will go, "Well, it was good, but not as developed as an entire novel," without looking to see that it's intentionally part of an entire work, and that's going to drive me crazy, but also, I just put so much into this.  I've got a big Facebook chat on Saturday, but after that, Mate, the kids, and I are going to the ocean for a few days, and I think that's a good thing.  It's going to keep me off the internet and out of trouble, and, of course it's going to be at the ocean, and that's one of my favorite places to be.

So there's that.

Also, I'm eyeballs deep in Immortal, which is killing me softly.  And not so softly.  I'm writing this one as sort of an apology to the spouses of artists everywhere, and the more I write it the more I want to sob on Mate's shoulders and say "Thank youuuuuuu…" because it's not easy being married to someone who can't turn their job off ever, and is neurotic, self-obsessed, and dependent on their neuroses and self-obsession for bringing in income.

So yeah-- looking in the mirror is uncomfortable for me at the best of times, this book in particular, I think.

Also--

Yes, I did the ice bucket challenge last week, and I posted it on FB (So, yanno, you can skip this if you've already seen it, because although I love this T-shirt, I also know it's not a good look for me.)  PLEASE forgive the part where I'm a dinkus and said Alzheimers instead of ALS-- I knew what the ice bucket challenge was for, I just spazzed out on camera.  Frankly, I wanted it over with, because in my neighborhood, there's nothing like a family standing out on their drought ridden lawn to bring onlookers and/or the police.

Anyway-- so, you know.  Proof.

By the way- this whole challenge thing inspired Chicken to write a heartbreaking short story about the effects of ALS on a family, and it was good, and it made me cry fucking buckets and I showed it to her father, and he teared up.  It's only 5K, M/M romance, but I want her to publish it somewhere.  Heck-- If she'd let me I'd put it up on the blog.  It's beautiful, and I"m proud and heartbroken at the same time.  She looked at a seemingly abstract thing and made it human.  It's all I've ever asked of my children, and she succeeded beautifully.

Also out on FB but not on the blog, is the following conversation I had with Zoomboy:

We have in our garage an "outside cat." She started out on the inside but she has resisted ALL attempts at house training, and although she's VERY sweet, she needs to stay in the garage, where the cat box doesn't frighten her. Sometimes, Zoomboy goes outside to talk to this cat-- we call her Shulamonster. Tonight on the way back from soccer practice, Zoomboy and I had the following conversation:ZB: Mom, it's too bad Schula can't come inside.Me: Yeah, really is.ZB: And too bad we don't take her to the vets anymore.Me: Yeah. It is. But she's too wild. She lets us pet her and that's about it.ZB: She's really sweet.Me: Yeah.ZB: She bit me today, but it was an accident. Don't worry, I washed it with hot water and bactine.Me: Okay… she bit you?ZB: Yes. It was an *accident*. Not her fault. Not her fault at all.Me: Okay.ZB: It's too bad we couldn't, you know, find her a way for her to poop somewhere else but the floor.Me: (getting a little suspicious by now) Yes. Yes it is.ZB: Like, you know, a diaper. Like one of the ones we used to get for the dog when he was a baby.Me: *lightbulb* Zoomboy?ZB: Yes?Me: Did you try to put one of the dog's old diapers on the cat? Is that why she bit you?ZB: Yes.Me: Ooooooooooohhhh… That explains SO much!
***
And for today's finale, there's the story of Gordie and the vet.
Okay, it's not much of a story.
Mostly, the frickin' cat just managed not to go to the vet's.  Twice.  So this morning, before Big T left for school, I asked him to put the cat in the cat carrier, I didn't care how early it was, I wasn't going to risk him slipping out.  
I didn't hear what happened next.  I swear.  I didn't see it, didn't hear it, all I heard was Mate, exclaiming, "Did you just hit the cat with the ceiling fan?  No wonder he hates you!"
o.o  I don't even want to know.
***
And I only thought that was the finale.  (This is a much better finale-- I promise.  This one has available pictures!)
See-- I've been ordering swag, so I expect deliveries every so often, and yes, I do check to see what's being delivered.  
I've gotten Johnnies keychains, Angst & Pain dragon buttons, Mackey refrigerator magnets, Mackey lanyards (pending) and some magnets and buttons for The Bells of Times Square.  So, today as I was writing, imagine my surprise when I opened a box and found these:

No, your eyes do not deceive you.  Those are Jehovah's Witness pins.  I called the company and they get 30-40 orders of these a day, so they're just going to eat the cost and re-send.  I told him the next time the JW's come knocking, I'll tell them we'd been expecting them, their God sent us the pins by mistake.  
As you can see, I usually get a different kind of swag altogether!

And in One Week, Beneath the Stain...

Okay-- at the bottom of the page, I'm going to have blog tour information for Beneath the Stain, so don't just tune out when I start blathering, kk?
So, in yarn news, it's been sort of a big week-- for one, I finished a project, and I really love it.  It's going to Mary-my-Mary, because Chicken as opted for the blanket I'm working on instead.  (It's a verra nice blanket.)  But in the meantime, it's a crocheted shawl that is over 6' long, in Noro sock yarn.  
I sort of loves it-- the rainbows are lovely, and I sort of designed my own edging.  Baroque and ungainly?  Possibly, but it's mine, and I loves it, and Mary's squee could be heard across twenty states.  EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
So, besides that, nothing going on here today--just a regular Saturday of kid activity, going out to lunch and (yay!) frozen yogurt on the way home.  The kids are parked in front of the Simpson's marathon, which keeps dropping epic ear-nuggets of awesomeness in my lap while I write.  (Mr. Burns: What have we learned here, Smithers?  Smithers: That women and seamen don't mix?  Mr. Burns: We all know what you think, Smithers!)  Mate is going down for a nap, and I'm ready to join him, because I've been hammering away on Immortal and it's sort of exhausting.   I'm going back to first person fantasy for this one, in the style of Truth in the Dark and Hammer & Air, and I love it sooo much.  NOBODY shall read it, because tragic first person fantasy spells commercial disaster, but I love it.  I leave the same amount of blood on the stage with this one (maybe more, if I have any more after Mackey, Bells, and John) but it's magical, sparkling blood, so, you know.  Different. Oh-- Squish says Hi!
And that brings us to Beneath the Stain and the giant chunk of blog tour coding on the bottom of this page.
What I did, since I'm releasing the book in seven parts before releasing it all together, is send the first two parts to reviewers on the blog tour.  
I think they both love and hate me for this.
Because the consensus from the first stop on the tour is that they want to know what happens to Mackey now!  But they also agree that they like the other people in the story, and yes, they get to see the other people in the story in the extra material.  
So, well, my evil plot (or my publisher's evil plot) has succeeded!  Go us!
Anyway-- Karrie Jax at Rainbow Book Reviews loved the Bethany's review so much that she made us a meme.  
I love it.  
I love it so much.
And I've finally figured out what to do with memes, because for a while I was like, "SQUEE!  IT'S PRETTY! HOW DO I MAKE IT FOREVER!" and now I'm like, "Doh!  I've got my own WEBSITE, DAMMIT, with a place for FAN ART."  (I'm not very bright.  We all know I'm not very bright.)  So, from now on, if anyone loves my work enough to make a meme, I'm putting it up on my Fan Art page on my website.
So, that being said, I have a list of blog tour stops here.  The thing about the tour is that it's pretty much the same material on every stop-- BUT, if you make a comment on each stop, you have more chances to win one of the swag packs or the serial package.  
Oh-- and the swag packs?  
Sweet.  T-shirt, lanyard, refrigerator magnet, postcard-- it's like a backstage kit for a concert :-)
Anyway--worth the rafflecopter, at any rate!
I'll be coming back to this page and updating the links as they appear, so, in the meantime, sit back, take in the blog tour, and enjoy!



Tour Stops

August 22, 2014
Rainbow Gold Reviews
Sunshine Book Promotions

August 23, 2014
elisa - my reviews and ramblings

August 24, 2014
My Fiction Nook

August 25, 2014
Coffee and Porn in the Morning  (aka Cupoporn)

August 26, 2014
Boys in our Books

August 27, 2014
Nic Starr

August 28, 2014
Scrollin' Them Papers

August 29, 2014
Regular Guys. Hot Romance

August 30, 2014
Bronwyn Heeley

August 31, 2014
BookwormBridgette's World

September 1, 2014
BiblioJunkies

September 2, 2014
books are love

September 3, 2014
TT Kove

September 4, 2014
In The Pages of a Good Book



Beneath The Stainby Amy Lane
Blurb: In a town as small as Tyson, CA, everybody knew the four brothers with the four different fathers-- and their penchant for making good music when they weren't getting into trouble. For Mackey Sanders, playing in Outbreak Monkey with his brothers and their friends—especially Grant Adams--made Tyson bearable. But Grant has plans for getting Mackey and the Sanders boys out of Tyson, even if that means staying behind.

Between the heartbreak of leaving Grant and the terrifying, glamorous life of rock stardom, Mackey is adrift and sinking fast. When he's hit rock bottom, Trav Ford shows up, courtesy of their record company and a producer who wants to see what Mackey can do if he doesn't flame out first. But cleaning up his act means coming clean about Grant, and that's not easy to do or say. Mackey might make it with Trav's help--but Trav's not sure he's going to survive falling in love with Mackey.

Mackey James Sanders comes with a whole lot of messy, painful baggage, and law-and-order Trav doesn't do messy or painful. And just when Trav thinks they may have mastered every demon in Mackey's past, the biggest, baddest demon of all comes knocking.




Available to pre-order at



Release Date: August 29, 2014

Five Ways to Buy  
Option 1: Serial Package Automatically get each part with special content on your bookshelf as it is released and the digital novel upon release. Serial runs 8/29/14-10/10/14. Novel releases 10/17/14. $12.99. This option only available through dreamspinnerpress.com. 
Option 2: Serial Deluxe Package Automatically get each part with special content on your bookshelf as it is released and the digital novel upon release. Serial runs 8/29/14-10/10/14. Novel releases 10/17/14. Also received a signed paperback mailed to you upon novel release. $24.99 +shipping. This option only available through dreamspinnerpress.com. 
Options 3: Serial Only (7 parts) Buy individual parts with special content weekly for $1.99. Serial runs 8/29/14-10/10/14. 
Options 4 & 5: Novel Purchase the complete novel in eBook or paperback, no special content included. Pre-sales begin 9/17/14. Novel releases 10/17/14. eBook $6.99, paperback $17.99 Upon complete novel release, the serial will no longer be available.

Excerpt
You Can’t Always Get What You Want... from the Mighty Hunter Gazette— April 20
And special news, our very own homegrown band, Outbreak Monkey, will be performing a six- song set between D.J. Boomer’s dance music at the Graham Winters High School prom. The band, headed by McKay “Mackey” Sanders on lead vocals, Jeff Sanders on bass and their brother Kell Sanders on lead guitar, also features Grant Adams on second lead and Stevie Harris on drum set. All members are Graham Winters High School students and we are proud to have them play!
THE FIRST time McKay Sanders kissed his brother’s best friend, Grant, they were getting high in a burned-out car in the field behind Mackey’s apartment building. Kellogg, who looked old enough to buy even though he’d just turned eighteen, had spent ten dollars the brothers didn't have on cheap Muscat. By the time Grant—whose father had money—brought out the pot, Kellogg, Jefferson, and Stevie were passed out on the old camp blanket Stevie had brought from his dad’s garage.
It was a celebration, of sorts, for landing the prom gig.
The older kids had hogged all the Muscat, though, and Mackey felt left out. Kellogg kept saying it wasn't right to get his little brother drunk, and Mackey kept saying it wasn't right to drink in front of him, but by the time Kellogg was too drunk to argue, there wasn't any wine left.Jefferson and Stevie had finished off the other bottle all by themselves—just sitting quietly, not making any waves like they usually did, passing the bottle between them.
“Boy, you two argue a lot,” Grant said after Kell let out a gut-buster of a yawn and fell asleep quick as a baby.
Mackey grunted and prodded at his older brother with his toe. The three brothers present looked nothing alike. Kell was built like a tank, with rounded shoulders, a brown-eyed glare, and plain brown hair that he buzz- cut short to his scalp. He was like born practicality, which was why hoarding the wine rankled Mackey so badly. An expenditure like that wasn't going to happen again.
“He gets mad,” Mackey said, letting out a sigh. He slouched back inside the shelter of the car, peering through the doorframe at the iron gray sky. “He’s the one who takes care of us, you know? But not in the band.”
It was true.
Kell could play guitar ably enough, but Mackey....
“You can play everything,” Grant said with admiration. “You’re the one who puts the songs together, figures out who should be playing what. And the shit you write on your own....”
Mackey smiled at him a little shyly. Grant had the most interesting face, with a long, straight nose, full pink lips, and almond-shaped hazel eyes. When Grant looked at him with admiration, it stopped his breath and pulled rubber bands in his stomach. “I just....” He stopped because Grant was reaching into his pocket, and he pulled out a baggie full of weed and papers. “Ooh....”
Grant looked down at the other three, who were sleeping soundly in the late afternoon chill. “I was gonna share,” he said mischievously, “but Kell was a dick about the wine, so I thought you and me?” Mackey nodded, captivated by the thrill of the forbidden—and by the way that cherry-ripe mouth pulled up at the corners when Grant smiled.
“I've never, uhm....”
Grant shrugged. “Me and Kell do sometimes. But, you know, Kell’s usually a good guy.”
Mackey reflected on his sleeping brother. Kell was a good guy. For example, Mackey had a confused memory of their youngest brother Cheever’s dad, the one dad they thought would stick around beyond giving the baby a first name. Cheever’s dad hadn't been very patient, and he’d hated Mackey. Well, Mackey was sort of a smartass. He’d probably had that fist coming. But that hadn't stopped Kell from stepping up and hitting Enos Cheever right back. Mackey and Kell had both needed stitches after that, but their mom had kicked Enos Cheever out—child support or no child support. That was okay. Kell and Jeff had been almost old enough to work by then. They’d only needed assistance for a couple of months.
“He doesn't like it that I can boss him around,” Mackey said glumly. “He... he’s the leader, right? But... but I hear the music, and it just makes sense, you know? And... and you can’t do it wrong just ’cause it’ll hurt Kell’s feelings. It’s augh!” He was waving his hands around, trying to find words, which was funny, because Mackey actually wrote songs. He closed his eyes, ignoring Grant rolling a number, and tried to make a song out of it.
“He wants to keep me happy and he wants to keep me fed, he makes sure that I've got blankets and a place to sleep in a bed, but the music in my heart is like a freight train. It goes and it goes and when I stop it, it’s like pain, but my brother doesn't see it doesn't hear it doesn't feel it, and all there is to do is shove him out of the way. Don’t want to hit my brother with the freight train.”
Mackey’s eyes smarted, because the friction with Kell hurt. They were tight. They had to be tight, because Tyson, California, had a population of ten thousand, and it was a small enough town that the woman with the four sons and four fathers was sort of famous. They had to have each other’s backs or Cheever wouldn't have survived kindergarten.
Mackey blinked and took a deep breath, then coughed.
Damn, pot was strong.
He gazed at Grant, who was staring back in awe over the glowing ember of the joint. Grant held the smoke for a minute and exhaled,shaking his head. “God, it’s gorgeous when you do that,” he said, his voice choked.
“Do what?” Mackey asked, not able to stop staring at him.
“Pull music out of the air,” Grant said, the dreamy smile on his full lips maybe a side effect of the pot, but maybe not. Grant was sitting in the back of the car, his feet at the foot of the blanket the others were sleeping on. He passed Mackey the doobie around the doorframe, and Mackey regarded the joint with a little bit of fear.
“Just inhale?” he asked nervously, and Grant grinned.
“Never done this before?” he confirmed, taking the doobie back.
Mackey shook his head, knowing his face was flushing in spite of the iron mountain chill.
“Here,” Grant murmured, taking another hit. He stood up, still holding the smoke in his lungs, and knelt in front of Mackey, so close their lips almost brushed. Mackey’s mouth fell open, because, holy God, Grant was right there, and Mackey had been trying not to look at him like he had wanted him right there since he was twelve years old.
Grant took his open mouth for invitation and exhaled, right between Mackey’s parted lips.
Mackey’s inhale was so gentle, the smoke hardly tickled. He didn't choke or cough like he’d seen other people do, just breathed in subtle-like, afraid to startle Grant or make him move in any way. His exhale was even quieter, letting the smoke trickle out through his lips and his nose, where it stung.
He swallowed, his mouth dry from the smoke and from the way Grant was staring at him, seemingly as mesmerized as he was by those golden eyes and moist red mouth. “How’s Sam?” he asked, because Samantha Peters had been Grant’s shadow for the past year.
“Not here,” Grant whispered, and the movement made their lips touch.
Mackey closed his eyes, because Grant started this, and Mackey was fourteen to his seventeen. Grant would know what to do.
Grant’s lips on his were whisper-soft, then angel-soft, then Grant’s tongue swept into his mouth, acrid with the bitter taste of weed, but something in it was sweet. Something in it made Mackey open his mouth to beg for more.
Grant took advantage, pushing him back against the seat, taking his mouth more, and more and more, until Mackey was pressed against the burned-out seat frame, his hands buried in the thick top strip of Grant’s hair, his lips being bruised and his mouth plundered by his brother’s best friend.
The smell of pot smoke sharpened, turned plastic, and Grant jerked his head back.
“Shit,” he muttered. The joint had fallen onto the blanket at their feet, and he spent a moment stomping it out as it smoldered. When he’d killed the ember, he glanced at Mackey sheepishly.“Got lost in your eyes,” he said, and Mackey watched curiously as two red crescents surfaced on his sharp cheekbones, like disappearing ink coming to life.
“I could get lost in you a lot,” Mackey confessed, feeling brave and bold, and Grant found something to look at far away.
“Mackey, maybe don’t count on me like that, okay?”
Mackey had to search far away too. Well, of course, right? Two guys get high and they do something crazy—didn't mean shit, did it.
Didn’t mean a goddamned thing. “Yeah, well. You know. Strong weed, right?”
“Yeah,” Grant murmured. “Strong.” His hand was firm on Mackey’s shoulder then, and Mackey closed his eyes as he felt the rasp of Grant’s chilled palm against his cheek. “Stronger’n shame.”
Mackey had to. Had to see his face.
Grant was blinking hard, and they both knew he’d deny it, but one hit of pot didn't give you eyeballs that red.
At their feet, Kell gave a moan and rolled over, and that was the cue for everyone to wake up. They were headachy and sick, and it was lucky Grant had brought a six-pack of water, of all things, so they could at least rinse out their mouths after they puked.
Grant had driven them out to the vacant field in his mom’s minivan, and later that evening, he stopped and let them run inside the grocery store to buy noodles and spaghetti sauce for dinner. They’d promised their mom they’d take care of groceries if she let them get away with not watching Cheever for the afternoon. When they got to the Sanders boys’ apartment complex, Grant and Kell were giving each other shit in the front seat. Mackey stared out the window and let their banter wash over him, just like he ignored Jefferson and Stevie talking in quiet undertones about comic books and naked girl pictures. Jeff and Kell had best friends. Mackey had brothers—six of them, if he counted Cheever’s little friend Kevin, which he did.
“So, is Sam excited you get to play at the prom?” Kell asked, laughing.
“Yeah,” Grant said. For a moment, he caught Mackey’s gaze in the rearview, and then he glanced back toward the road. “She wants to dress pretty and dance with me in a suit.”
Mackey didn't make a noise or anything, but suddenly he knew, knew like it had been branded on his skin, that Grant didn't want to dance with a girl in a dress. And that it would hurt worse than orange juice on chapped lips, but Mackey was going to have to watch him do it. 
About The Author Amy Lane has four children, two cats, a love starved Chi-who-what, a crumbling mortgage and an indulgent spouse. She also has too damned much yarn, a penchant for action adventure movies, and a need to know that somewhere in all the pain is a story of Wuv, Twu Wuv, which she continues to believe in to this day! She writes fantasy, urban fantasy, and m/m romance--and if you give her enough diet coke and chocolate, she'll bore you to tears with why those three genres go together. She'll also tell you that sacrifices, large and small, are worth the urge to write.You can can find Amy at                 


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