Colin D. Ellis's Blog, page 16

Defined vs. Undefined

Defined (adj.): - clearly marked out as to extent, outline, or form

Undefined (adj.): without fixed limits; random in form, extent, or application

The only pathway to consistent high performance and success is through a defined culture over which people have agency. The other pathway leads to confusion and chaos. 

Which pathway are you on?

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Beware the blame throwers

When workplace cultures turn toxic, be on the lookout for those who throw blame around. 

These individuals, who deflect responsibility and point the finger at colleagues for failures, are among the most destructive forces in any organisation's culture. They systematically undermine the psychological safety, collaboration and creativity that high-performing teams need to thrive.

Here's how ‘Blame Throwers’ kill vibrant culture killers:

They create fear: When people fear being thrown under the bus for mistakes, they stop taking risks. Innovation requires experimentation, but experimentation inherently involves failure. Blame Throwers push everyone toward extreme caution and mediocrity. Nobody wants to try new approaches when they know a colleague will be waiting to point the finger if things go wrong, especially if it’s a manager or senior leader.

They destroy trust: Trust is the cornerstone of effective teams and the performance that they generate. Blame Throwers shatter this foundation by creating environments where colleagues view each other as potential threats rather than allies. Without trust, collaboration becomes impossible, and information sharing grinds to a halt.

They waste valuable time and energy: Organisations wary of Blame Throwers spend enormous resources on defensive documentation, avoidance strategies, and office politics. Imagine redirecting that energy toward creating value! High-performing teams focus on solutions rather than scapegoats.

They prevent learning: When mistakes become opportunities for Blame Throwers to fire up rather than being learning opportunities, organisations remain stuck, and the culture stagnates. True growth requires an honest examination of what went wrong without fear of persecution or shame. Blame Throwers make this impossible by turning failures into witch hunts.

They abdicate responsibility: Perhaps most concerning, Blame Throwers undermine the very concept of leadership. True leadership means taking ownership of both successes and failures. Those who blame others signal their unwillingness to embrace the accountability that drives excellence.

Leaders can rid themselves of Blame Throwers by actively dismantling these toxic dynamics:

Model accountability by openly acknowledging your own mistakes

Implement blameless post-mortems that focus on improvement

Celebrate teams that embrace collective responsibility

Address consistent Blame Throwing behaviours directly through coaching

Reward solution-focused responses to challenges

Organisations with vibrant cultures understand that true excellence emerges when people feel safe, including their mistakes and vulnerabilities. This requires creating cultures where collective ownership - not apportioning blame - becomes the default response to challenges.

There’s no middle ground. Either your organisation embraces a culture of accountability or allows itself to succumb to the Blame Throwers. Which culture are you fostering?

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How to listen empathetically

Listening is a skill that seems to be waning in our distraction-heavy cultures, yet it remains one of the most humane things you can do when interacting with another person.

Drollinger et. al, found that the three steps to listening empathetically are as follows:

Sensing (verbal and non-verbal cues): 

What is someone saying? What words are they using? What emotions are they demonstrating?

Processing (mentally interpreting the received information):

What is the speaker's perspective? What are the connections you can make in the message? How is it being delivered based on what you know about the speaker?

Responding (demonstrating understanding):

What clarifying questions do you need to ask? Is time required for you to think about the response? What is the person looking for from you?

Active listening is not possible if you are distracted by something (or someone) else. Ensure you give the person your undivided attention, and then remember to listen to understand, not just to respond. 

Sometimes, the best response is no response at all. Some people don’t want you to fix them or their problems, they merely want to share how they feel so that they can get on with their work or life.

Listening is a skill that others will always appreciate, which in turn will generate feelings of respect and trust. The question should never be ‘Why should I take the time to listen intently?’ It should be ‘what do I stand to lose if I don’t?’

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Things Don't Always Get Better

There's a phrase I hear time and again when I speak with middle-aged men who are clearly struggling: "Things can only get better." Indeed, it’s a phrase I’ve used myself on many occasions.

On the surface, it seems positive, resilient even. However, I've come to recognise that this hopeful statement is often a shield. A carefully constructed façade hiding a darker reality.

We middle-aged men have mastered the art of "keeping calm and carrying on." We've been conditioned to believe that strength means silence, that vulnerability equals weakness, and that our worth is measured by our ability to provide, protect, and persevere, regardless of the cost to our mental health.

And the cost is often devastatingly high.

According to the Samaritans' 2023 Suicide Statistics Report, men in their 40s and 50s remain the highest risk group for suicide, with rates almost three times higher than women of the same age. The Office for National Statistics reports that men aged 45-49 continue to have the highest suicide rate of any age group in the UK. It's not just a British phenomenon; this pattern repeats across the Western world.

Why? We've created a perfect storm where middle-aged men face unique pressures: career plateaus or redundancies, financial strains, family responsibilities, aging parents, health concerns, and shifting identities, all while lacking the emotional vocabulary and support systems to process these challenges.

Women - whose own mental health challenges are no less important - are much better at articulating their feelings and emotions and sharing their mental health burden with friends and professionals who are best placed to help

We middle-aged men have been raised in the twilight between generations, too young to fully embrace our fathers' ‘endurance without complaining’ attitude, yet too old to have fully benefited from more recent conversations about mental health. We exist in a space where we recognise the importance of emotional wellness - and are doing our best to educate our boys on this - yet lack the ‘tools’ to achieve it ourselves.

It’s a conversation that I’ve already had about half a dozen times in my work engagements this year with people genuinely struggling to make sense of their situations. In the absence of an answer, they have chosen to maintain momentum.

But the brutal truth is that things don't just "get better" on their own. Not without intervention. Not without conversation. Not without vulnerability.

The most courageous thing a middle-aged man can do today isn't to silently soldier on, it's to speak up. To admit when we're not coping. To recognise that seeking help isn't a weakness but the ultimate form of strength.

Your life matters. Your struggles are valid. And your story doesn't have to end in silence.

The Samaritans do fantastic work with people of all genders and ages. If you feel you’re in need of help, then please reach out to them at https://www.samaritans.org/.

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Beyond National Food Days

A client of mine recently asked for ideas about how to better embrace the multinational mix of their people beyond celebrating their national days with food. Whilst recognising and sharing different foods is a good start, it keeps our understanding of each other at a level of cuisine only, rather than getting to the importance of character and social norms.

Multinational teams aren't built and maintained solely through token gestures of samosas and sushi days. Genuine cultural empathy requires diving deeper into our colleagues' origin stories and upbringing - understanding what shapes their thinking, communication styles and decision-making processes.

When we reduce cultural diversity to cuisine, we miss the transformative power of genuine connection. True empathy means recognising that your Brazilian colleague's circular storytelling isn't time inefficiency; it's relationship-building. It's acknowledging that your Japanese teammate's silence isn't agreement (or an inability to contribute); it's thoughtful consideration.

Cultural empathy isn’t about labelling individuals or countries, it’s about developing a deeper understanding of difference. When done well it transforms teams as they are able to see beyond stereotypes to recognise each person's humanity, which is, after all, the thing that unites us all.

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Another Way

Someone said to me recently, ‘everything is negative these days, isn’t it?’ - I disagreed.

There’s no doubt that negativity is everywhere you choose to look - traditional media, social media, WhatsApp groups, and so on - yet it’s true to say that we become what we consume.

If we surround ourselves with negativity, then this will become all that we see and believe.

There’s another way.

When we choose to look for the positives - no matter how small - then they can become our fuel instead. It can improve our mental health, help us build stronger connections, increase our resilience, and greatly improve our overall happiness.

All of these things are possible however, our social and working cultures don’t present positivity to us, indeed, many actively put barriers in the way, such as toxic people, bureaucracy, wasted time or micromanagement.

But if you’re prepared to look for those small moments of positivity (completing a task, building a relationship, making someone laugh, getting to the end of this blog!), it can make all the difference to your day.

Negativity is everywhere, but there is another way.

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Pranks

April Fools is a custom that’s celebrated across the Western World. No-one knows for sure where it originated, but there are three theories:

Calendar Change Theory: Perhaps the most widely accepted explanation links it to the adoption of the Gregorian calendar in the 16th century. When France switched from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar, those who continued to celebrate the old date were mocked as "April Fools."

Spring Festival Theory: Some scholars connect it to ancient spring festivals of renewal and rebirth that featured role reversals and playful behaviour.

Literary Theory: Geoffrey Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales" (late 14th century) contains what some interpret as the first reference to April 1 as a day of foolishness.

Regardless, it’s the one day (or the morning, to be more precise, because jokes after noon are considered bad luck!) of the year where pranks are commonplace, with victims falling victim to shouts of ‘APRIL FOOLS!’

There have been some classic pranks over the years, including:

The Dead Fairy

Sweden’s Hosiery Hoax; and

The Curious Case of Sidd Finch

Pranks make it into the workplace too, and not just on April 1st. I’m regularly asked as to whether it’s appropriate that they do, and the answer is it depends.

If you have a team where relationship building is a priority and you have taken the time to understand what makes each other tick, then it becomes clearer as to what’s appropriate and what’s not in your interpersonal interactions.

If relationships aren’t strong between you and your teammates and you’re thinking of pulling a prank, then the question to ask yourself is, ‘Will it undermine the safety within the team if I do this?

People often struggle with the concept of ‘safety’. So, for clarity, what’s meant by this is:

Will it embarrass or humiliate anyone? (e.g. unwelcome personal comments/actions)

Will it offend anyone? (e.g. through bad language or inappropriate humour)

Will it generate unnecessary fear? (e.g. about jobs or the world at large)

Will it generate negativity? (e.g. feelings between teammates or about the company)

Will it lead to wasted time or energy? (e.g. sending people on a quest)

If the answer is ‘yes’ to just one of these, then it’s likely that the prank will be poorly received, and you should steer clear. However, if the answer is ‘no’, then you can proceed with caution!

Just because something is funny to you doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s funny to others. Pranks can definitely add to the camaraderie between teammates; however, if you fail to heed the safety warnings and the prank is poorly received, then the only ‘fool’ will be you, April 1st or otherwise.

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The things vibrant cultures do (that you can copy)

 

In this episode I explore the key characteristics of vibrant workplace cultures and take inspiration for culture change.

I look at the importance of building human relationships, effective collaboration, celebrating successes, learning from failures, establishing meaningful values, promoting equity, and maintaining work-life balance.

By adopting these practices, you too can foster a positive and productive work environment. So hit ‘listen’ and let’s unlock the secrets of vibrant cultures together.

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Leading on and off the field

Last week I had the great pleasure to spend time with James Roby of St Helens RLFC to talk about all things culture.

James’ legacy at St Helens and in the world of rugby league is already secured, so it’s only right that he would look to lead off the field too.

St Helens is one of only a handful of sports clubs that has appointed an ex-player to oversee its culture, both internally and externally.

It’s a move that recognises not only the importance of culture in today’s modern sporting world, but also how the organisation can create connections to the community such that all athletes and staff can share the same values with the fans and external stakeholders.

Social awareness i.e. the ability to consider the perspectives of other individuals, groups, or communities is a critical component in the evolution of any organisation’s culture and sports teams are no different.

To appoint ex-players who have a passion for the club and who are looking to further educate themselves on how forward-thinking organisations create cultures in which high-performance (at all levels) can flourish, is a blueprint that other sports teams can copy.

Sporting organisations have typically been slow to react to the changes in building safe, respectful cultures that we’ve seen in the business world, but in this corner of North-West England the work has already started.👏

If you're interested in how sporting culture needs to change click this link to download my free whitepaper.

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It’ll never be us

What do Boeing, the Metropolitan Police, the UK Fire Brigade, Ofsted, Harrods and Strictly Come Dancing all have in common?

They never - for one second - thought they would appear in the media charged with presiding over a ‘toxic culture’.

Toxic culture is every organisation’s - without exception - biggest risk. It doesn’t matter whether they are a retail, technology, aviation, financial services, government organisation or any kind of sports team. It can happen to any organisation at any time.

And yet, many organisations refuse to see it as such.

The leaders of these organisations either:

Just assumed the culture would take care of itself

Took their eye off the ball when things were good;

Or didn’t think culture was worth investing in. It’s all just fluffy stuff, right?

The negative publicity faced by each of the organisations that I mentioned has had a detrimental effect in almost every area of the business. In 2023 a toxic culture in one company saw it come close to complete collapse. Whilst another has seen millions wiped off its share price.

Toxic cultures harm humans, results and reputations. Yet toxic culture is preventable. By understanding what culture is and the actions required to address the risks of toxic culture occurring, you can not only create a great place to work but also - as a by-product of this - achieve your results, improve the well-being of your workforce, keep your best people, attract others who can help you strengthen it and safeguard the reputation of the organisation and its leaders.

I don't want to see another person or business suffer at the hands of a preventable toxic culture which is why I wrote the book. It's available here and provides a blueprint for you to take action and ensure that it will never be you.

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