Rae Roy's Blog, page 48

Theatrical Tuesday – My Star Wars Theory

[image error]Are you ready for it?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while.

I haven’t searched to see if anyone else has thought of this.

It’s just in my head and I want to get it out before the movie.

After seeing the trailer for The Last Jedi, my mind got spinning.

At first I freaked out. Then I calmed down and thought.

What if Rey’s name isn’t Rey?

What if it’s actually Rain?

They sound similar enough to me that it’s possible it got lost in translation or something. I mean, I’ve heard so many variations of my own name over my life so far that I really think it’s possible.

If that’s the case, then we may be seeing the rise of the first female sith, Darth Zannah.

Other things to think about include Rey’s original weapon of choice being very much like a bo staff. Darth Zannah uses a double lightsaber configuration like Darth Maul. I think Rey would prefer that.

Anyway, that’s my Star Wars theory.

Don’t worry, I won’t spoil stuff if I got it right.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

 

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Filed under: Musings Tagged: Movies, Star Wars

Merry Monday – Movies, More Movies, and Work

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Image created using Bit Strips.

What did I even do on Friday? It seems so long ago that I had trouble remembering, but I saw The Disaster Artist. It’s a seriously great film about the making of the best worst film ever and worth seeing even if you aren’t a fan of The Room.

I think I forgot to post on Saturday. I’m sorry for that. I’ve handed in somewhere around nine assignments in the last week and a half. My brain has been rather mushy as a result. I haven’t gotten to do near enough music lately. I have to rebuild my calluses AGAIN. Someday I’ll get to play guitar regularly… *sigh*.

Saturday and Sunday were taken up by work placement with Digi60 and I was fortunate to see short films made by some really talented people in the Ottawa area. Many of the most memorable and enjoyable ones were by Vincent Valentino. Some other were definitely by people that haven’t studied much. Things like lighting were terrible in those. I could tell because of taking Video Production class. I’m apparently learning stuff in that one after all…

I had some car trouble, but I’m hoping to grab a charge thing so I never have battery trouble again unless the battery truly is screwed and Pixie hasn’t just lost charge from not being driven plus it being cold out. Cars. Are. So. Fun. I suppose it forced me to learn the Rideau Centre bus stop intricacies.

I’ve watched a lot of the Star Wars films over the weekend in preparation for The Last Jedi. I can’t believe it’s almost here. It feels like I’ve been waiting for it for so long! I got the last D-Box seat for Friday early afternoon and just need to actually pick up my ticket. I’m watching in Machete Order because it’s awesome and I can. I want to read the scripts too, but won’t have time before Friday. Yoda kicking ass makes up some of my favourite scenes. Speaking of Star Wars, I have a fan theory I’ve come up with recently that I intend to share tomorrow.

I’m not sure what school has on tap this week, but I’m really enjoying writing every day. It’s what I’ve wanted to do for so very many years. I better get ready.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

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Filed under: Musings Tagged: Movies

Frisky Friday – Star Toys

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There’s a whole new meaning to “feel the force”.

Warning: NSFW and will probably alter childhood memories. 

Star Toys are a line of Star Wars themed sex toys. 

Seriously though, I’m wondering if they make film related noises. Is the R2 one beeping sarcastically while inside? Does the C-3PO kill the mood with uptight yammering? Will we next see condoms that make lightsaber noises? Clearly I have a lot of questions about these that I will probably never have answers for. 

These also bring a whole new meaning to saying I’m excited for Star Wars.

Here’s a clean article on Star Wars you can read at work while waiting for the movie. 

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings Tagged: Sex

Thoughtful Thursday – Overcoming the Past

[image error]My grading weekend turned out to be about far more than leveling in rank. Like my feature film’s theme, it was about overcoming the past in a few ways. The most immediate and obvious way was passing and thus putting last year’s shameful attempt behind me, of course, but there is other stuff that I’m proud of that probably seems silly to others.

I think there might be a lot of people that would be surprised to learn that I was the shyest kid in elementary school. The one that barely spoke unless I knew you. I didn’t start that way. I was fine before school started. I noticed school was full of unfriendly people though. On my first day, the teacher didn’t let me on the indoor play equipment and a boy wouldn’t share the blocks with me, so I read a book to myself quietly. I knew how to tie my laces and how to read at age 5. Velcro shoes were strange things to me. I also didn’t know about certain things like Robert Munsch. We were taken to see him and I didn’t dare go near him despite loving the story about a playdough cookie. You name it, I got picked on for it whether it was not colouring as well as another girl or being clueless about sport things. I also read a lot more than other kids.

But I digress.

This weekend I was able to sleep beside someone in a bed for the first time in about 5 years without having a panic attack. Sure, it wasn’t a man I was dating, but a female friend, yet I have hope that I won’t be terrified of that kind of closeness with a man again someday. I’m unsure why sleeping is more intimate than sex in many ways, but it is. Perhaps it’s the vulnerability. There’s a level of trust that has to be there in order to sleep around other people. It takes me a long time to build that level with people.

I was with someone for over a decade who needed constant attention and interaction. He also craved control over everything I was doing in a day and gaslit me. Creative people need a lot of time and freedom to create things. I wasn’t getting that. Instead, I was walking on eggshells in my own home because he would freak out if dinner wasn’t perfect, if the garbage can was too small, if my purse crossed my chest, and more. My physical, mental, and emotional health really suffered during those years.

Part of me really wants to meet someone and build a future with them, but the whole idea is scary given the past. I also meet people who are in a rush to go from acquaintances to moving in together.

Anyway, I think the weekend helped me take more steps towards closing the books on that old part of my life. And I guess considering the theme of my feature film, I was already getting ready to do just that.

2018 is coming and I have no idea what it will bring other than hopefully graduating and making some kind of income that lets me pay my bills and eat. I do know that I’m in a vastly different place than I was five years ago and that makes me happy.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

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Filed under: Martial Arts, Musings Tagged: Courage

Warrior Wednesday – 2017 Fall Grading Weekend

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Grading felt different this year. I felt confident and ready. At several times during the day, I got a little nervous, but I was able to calm myself down. I was also able to force myself to be present rather than imagining frightful scenarios.

During the seminar portion, I merely listened to the tips being given to others. Specifically, I listened for things like how they preferred we treat the tape line. They wanted us to keep ourselves behind the line during etiquette and have our sword on the other side of the line as we bowed to it. They also wanted us to look at the sword when we bowed to it. Placement wise, I always try to practice in a way that keeps my knees behind the line. I hadn’t heard of the other bit about looking at my sword before though.

I received a message from someone earlier in the day that had me in a bit of a mood, but I was able to get myself to focus and channel my emotions into an intensity once I stepped onto the grading floor. I told myself I needed to be present and I could think about other things after.

The hardest part was all of the waiting. We were graded in groups of 3. With 17 of us challenging 2nd Dan, it took a while. There was a side section we milled about in while the 1st Kyu and 1st Dan challengers graded. Then they gradually brought us out to line up behind the chair we would eventually sit on. There was a lot of standing with our sheathed swords in hand. We were allowed to hold it comfortably rather than formally up until we reached the chair. Every time the line moved closer to the chairs, my heart raced. I told it to calm down because we weren’t really under attack.

Another aspect to the waiting is that it was very warm in there and my palm was sweating as I tried to used my sword. The floor was also stickier than normal, which did trip some people up.

Last year while in the line, I allowed my mind to wander. This year I practiced stoicism to detach myself some from the hoped for results and focus only on the present.

Now, the chair is quite an uncomfortable place to be. You’re sitting, but you have to be very upright and your back cannot touch the back of the chair. You have to hold your sword a specific way, which was extra challenging as the chairs had arms on them. And you have someone else doing their grading in front of you. I try not to watch the person in front, but instead look above them at the wall because sometimes you see someone messing up or you see someone doing a different style and think they’re messing up and then it’s easy to psych yourself out.

My friends told me I looked like a fierce warrior this year. I was skeptical. I had started a touch early and I briefly second-guessed whether or not my sword tip was in the exact right location after o-chiburi on sanpo giri. I also learned later that I’m still having some trouble blending two sets together. It felt much better than last year’s attempt though.

It WAS better than last year. I was given a pass and now I have at least two years of hard work ahead of me to prepare for the next one. I wanted to get started right away, but I have school things over the next couple of weeks that make that difficult.

I felt bad for a few people. One lady messed up worse than I did last year. She had the USB problem with her sword where it wouldn’t go into the sheath, so she tried to turn the sheath over to see if it was the wrong way. That didn’t work and she tried the first way again. When we have problems like that, we’re supposed to stay calm and start that piece at the end of the kata over. She was trying to jam it into the sheath in a way that could lead to serious injury with a sharp sword some day. Some of the cringes on the faces of those watching brought a sick feeling to my tummy. I also felt really bad because I knew it was probably just nerves getting to her as they did to me the previous year. Then she restarted that first kata instead of going onto the next one. She wasn’t the only one that had sheath issues, but at least one of the others overcame their problem with grace.

Weird things happen when people get nervous. They forget whole katas or mix up the order of them. Their confidence deflates and they look like they are surrendering.

Only a couple of my friends didn’t succeed this year. Hopefully they can learn whatever they need to in order to make it happen the next time.

There is always more to learn in this art and it’s easy to get too caught up in the rank. I think the most important thing is whether or not this is something you love to do. I know I do. This weekend made me love it even more.

I took a lot of video during the tournament the next day as I was working on some homework while watching others compete. I focused on taking video of people who do my art in ways I like, so I can learn from them.

I also got some video of the only 9th Dan female who happens to also be the first non-Japanese person to be awarded the rank: Pam Parker Sensei from the U.S. I have no idea if I will ever get close to 9th Dan, but she was fantastic to watch. I don’t think she ever made even one mistake.

I have my grading on video and I’m hoping to have time soon to join the two file halves together and put it up somewhere. I might even have last year’s fail video, which could be interesting to see the difference.

Anyway, I could probably go on about iaido all day, but school awaits.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Martial Arts Tagged: Courage, Iaido

Theatrical Tuesday – Gearing Up for The Last Jedi

[image error]If you were to ask me what my favourite fandom is, I’d have a hard time choosing between Star Wars and Harry Potter. Despite being a founder of the Ottawa Harry Potter Society, I’d probably choose Star Wars.

There are some serious problems with both when you look at characters like Anakin and Snape. Both have abusive tendencies in them. Dumbledore wasn’t a particularly good guy either. I mean, he was better than Voldemort, but Voldemort is kind of wimpy in actuality. I mean, all he had to do to get rid of Harry was delegate killing him to another person. You could even debate the reasons why Anakin went bad. Anakin had serious lightsaber and piloting skills that made him a formidable foe.

A lot of the head canon in Harry Potter is annoying to me. And the need to ship people gets to me too. I like letting the thing be as it was created to a degree. I’m way not on board with the Ginny haters. I find people who are into Star Wars are more into letting it be as it is and I like that. There’s less drama involved. There is a group that are a little extreme when it comes to costume realism that I’d be into if I could afford to be. I’d like to make a jawa costume and a couple of other ones. The jawa would be great for a couple of reasons. I’m tiny, so it would be realistic for me to be one and with my face hidden, I can avoid certain exes at Comiccon hahaha.

I know the Harry Potter lore better than the Star Wars lore, but I’ve been getting into it a lot more lately. One of the reasons why I love Star Wars is because I’ve been watching it for decades with my brothers. In 2015, between the premier and while visiting my family, I saw The Force Awakens multiple times in the theatre. I don’t usually go see a movie multiple times, but I couldn’t get enough of it. Rey was awesome!

This year, I’ve been questioning everything in this world. With Star Wars, I used to stalwartly state that the Jedi side was the best side. I recently asked myself why it was that I felt that way. I’ve since learned that many times the Jedi kill people for the wrong reasons. Then I realized that one of my main reasons for choosing that side of the force had nothing to do with morals or values and everything to do with a lack of strong female characters. I mean, Captain Phasma was a bit pathetic in my opinion.

A thing I love about both franchises is the music. I’m hearing the march in my head right now. I think I actually have trumpet sheet music for both. I should make it a point to learn them now that I have my stealth mute…

There is so much canon for Star Wars that I’m looking forward to reading and seeing. I have some of the Clone Wars, but haven’t watched it all yet. Despite homework, I decided to start reading the scripts.

The hardest choice was whether or not to go with Machete Order, Chronological, or Numerical. With Machete, The Phantom Menace becomes optional and there is a reduction in the appearance of Jar Jar that I quite like, so Machete Order all the way! I don’t have a copy of Rogue One or The Force Awakens yet, but they’re on my Christmas List.

Back to the heart of why I love Star Wars so much.

My parents are getting up there in years and likely won’t be around much longer. They’ve had some health scares in recent years too. Star Wars is something that keeps me connected to my brothers despite living in another city and that’s important to me. Superhero stuff too. Actually, a lot of things I like, such as South Park, I first watched with them.

Star Wars means family to me.

I’m also sure that watching Princess Leia fight the way she does helped make me the strong woman that I am today. Maybe it made me a weird girl that got bullied because I wasn’t into some of the garbage other girls were into, but it’s quite possibly what also helped me discover iaido and many of the awesome friends I have today.

And I gotta know whose kid Rey is. Plus, what was with the ending of that trailer?!

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

PS – The theme for my film is letting past hurts go, so you can build a happy future. Maybe that’s a bit deep for a horror film, but I don’t plan on beating people over the head with it. There. I said I’d talk about it. I didn’t say the next post would be all about it, right?

PPS – I’m also looking forward to the next Fantastic Beasts movie, but it’s not coming out until November 2018 and Star Wars is in 9 days!

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Filed under: Musings Tagged: Movies, Star Wars

Merry Monday – A Full Weekend

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Image created using Bit Strips.

So much happened since Friday that it’s hard to know where to start.

My close female friends and I traveled to Etobicoke on Friday. We went out to the bar near our hotel and got to have food and drinks with several of the Canadian senseis.

Two of us challenged ni dan level, that is 2nd level black. We were successful! We’ll next be eligible for grading in 2 years. I’m in no rush. There were some mistakes I made that I’ll talk about more later in the week.

Most of my other friends passed too. There were a couple of fails. I know how that feels having been there last year. The options for dealing with it are pretty much keep training and working hard or quit. It’s hard to learn to move passed it and get back onto the floor. I think my feelings about it were worse than any my sensei could have thrown at me. Sometimes you just aren’t ready for something in life and it’s nothing to get bent out of shape about. If you care about something, you learn to just go with the flow.

The worst part of grading is waiting to grade. I just wanted to get to the drinking part that happens after. I didn’t drink much the night before as I didn’t want to feel like crap despite senseis joking that grading hungover is traditional.

There was much celebration after which including a key lime sake collins that my friend brought. Our room turned into the party room for a bit. There was also some political stuff going on that didn’t involve me. I was thankful I could just drink and give out hugs as my week had its own drama I had just got passed.

I didn’t do as much homework as I intended on the second day as I got into taking video of higher level people doing their kata. I did solidify what my movie’s theme is and I think I’ll talk about that tomorrow though I’m in Star Wars mode and just want to marathon them before the next episode comes out.

Anyway, time for class.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Martial Arts, Musings Tagged: Compassion, Discipline, Iaido

Symphonic Saturday – Travel

Full disclosure, my close friends and I have had basically key lime sake tonight as part of celebrating passing our second degree black belt exams. 

Road trips always involve music in my experience. Who is in the car vastly affects what music you hear on the way. 

Musically, this weekend has been interesting. One of my close friends is from Argentina and her taste varies much from my own, but not in a bad way. She’s into things that have a Sinatra feel, some that have a South American feel, and some things that are completely foreign to me. None of it is bad to me though.

I have no idea what we’re listening to right now, but it’s pretty chill. Maybe some blues?

Anyway, back to partying. 

Guid cheerio to the nou,

R~

Filed under: Music

Frisky Friday – Being Me

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Image created using Bitmoji

It’s so easy to convince ourselves of the wrong things, especially when it comes to dating, relationships, and sex.

Being a writer with food issues has me searching the Internet for all kinds of things, so when I saw the meme below on the Just Laugh’s Facebook page, I had to share it.

Over-thinking causes me to over-complicate things often. I mean, I’ve spent weeks trying to figure out if a wink and smile is something more by reading Your Tango articles and other such drivel and… Well, I’ve realized I need to stop doing that. 

I think it’s better to just find a way to show interest and see what happens next. 

I know convincing yourself to be something you aren’t isn’t the way to go ever. But people often try to be someone they aren’t when they like someone rather than admit they might not be compatible in the least. I used to do that. It never worked out well. 

Here’s the meme before I completely lose you. 

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Anyway, this morning I decided to pull out my Gryffindor courage and be clear about my feelings. Life is complicated enough, so I don’t need to add to it.

I’m also being unapologetically me these days. I love Harry Potter, Star Wars, South Park, Wonder Woman, martial arts, video games, TV/movies, and music. I’m an ambitious writer and I swear more than I probably should. I also like reading when I have the time. I’m Christian, but I’m relaxed about it. I believe it’s entirely possible to admit you have a weakness without letting that define who you are or who you will be. Sometimes I love really deep philosophical conversations and sometimes I love less intense talks. I prefer balance over extremism. I think all 3 major political parties suck in this country. I believe people focus too much on what makes us different from each other rather than just showing each other love and kindness. 

A simpler version? I’m just going to be me. I think this works for this marital arts grading too. I’m going to try my best. 

I’m off to do the last few things I need to before leaving town. 

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings Tagged: Dating

Thoughtful Thursday – Accountability

[image error]I’ve been having trouble writing this week due to the extra stressors and I noticed something that helped me get through it.

Once I told my teachers that I wasn’t sure if I could get things done on time because of the other things I was dealing with, I was able to finish the projects I needed to finish and hand them in.

I suppose I was using my teachers to keep myself accountable in a way, but it also helped me to purged the heavy stuff from my system, so I could focus on the things I needed to get done.

I’ve been mostly doing well with school work. I’m ahead in most classes and I’m hoping none of my classmates are comparing their progress to mine. I’ve been writing since I was 9 and seriously for 7 years now. I’ve written a novel and have two others half done, I used to manage projects for a living, and I’ve taken a lot of post secondary courses. I’ve especially taken online ones with a large participation component that I totally sucked at, so I’m trying very hard to keep my marks up while doing other things.

Things like attempting Ni Dan grading again this weekend. I’ve lengthened the cords on my fancy pants, rolled the lint roller over everything, ironed it, and packed it. I need to pack a few things like underwear, socks, tops, makeup, and toiletries (especially earplugs), then chill for a bit before bed. I should have a little time tomorrow to do some small things before my friend picks me up and we set off to collect our third friend and head to the GTA.

I’ll try to cue up a post for tomorrow. I might not get anything up Saturday between grading and drinking.

Maybe I’ll do that quiz thing before the alcohol thing…

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

 

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Filed under: Martial Arts, Musings Tagged: writer's block [image error] [image error] [image error] [image error] [image error] [image error] [image error]