Barry Lyga's Blog: The BLog, page 23

Saturday Morning Watchmen

Oh. My. God.

How did I not see this until now???

WiRL: “I hear spanking is coming back”

Another week, another new episode of the only podcast on the entire internet co-hosted by yours truly!

Episode 47: The One with Discipline (Not the Fun Kind)

Doctor-approved: Be mean to your baby! Is your first baby just practice? Morgan foreswears Barry’s revision advice. Focusing on one project at a time. Followup on Barry’s Cheat Method for Revision and a discussion of what you need to know about your protagonist before you start writing.

“Silly Asses”

There’s an old Isaac Asimov story1 titled “Silly Asses.” In it, an alien archivist is informed that Earthlings have achieved nuclear power and, thus, enters Earth onto the roster of “advanced civilizations.” Speaking to a colleague, the archivist learns a bit more about this new, advanced world. At one point, the archivist makes a statement that Earth has, of course, mastered space travel and colonized worlds other than its own.

Well, no, the colleague reports.

The archivist is confused. If that’s not true, then where do the Earthlings test their new-found nuclear weapons?

On their own planet, the colleague explains.

And the archivist turns to the roster of advanced civilizations and crosses out Earth, muttering “Silly asses.”

I think of this story every time I read about climate change and gun control.

We think we’re civilized. We’re not. We’re monkeys with haircuts and iPhones and haute couture.

Silly asses.

Aren’t they all old at this point?

WiRL: “Like Sesame Street!”

It’s a pretty damn good one, honestly.

Episode 46: The One that Flourishes

The year that was and the year to come, with our best moments of 2015, along with our goals and wishes for 2016. Plus: The Barry Lyga Cheat Method for Fixing Pacing. (This episode is brought to you by the word “Flourish.”)

Recommended Reading 2015

As I do every year at this time, I present a curated list of books I read during the year, presenting few that I think truly stand out and are worthy of your time and energy.

This year, I heartily recommend you read:

Adrift by Paul Griffin
Queen of the Deep by Kay Kenyon
Becoming Steve Jobs by Brent Schlender & Rick Tetzeli
The Girl with the Wrong Name by Barnabas Miller
I Am the Traitor by Allen Zadoff
The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin
A Prayer for the City by Buzz Bissinger

 

 

 

Defending The Force Awakens

[image error]So, it turns out plenty of people have some problems with The Force Awakens, including some friends of mine.1

A lot of the complaints about the movie seem to boil down to “It was just a retread of the first one!” So rather than argue the point with each person who bothers me about it, I figured I would rebut the most common points here and now. Then I can just point to this post when someone brings it up and sleep the sleep of the just.

Starkiller Base = Death Star

The biggest complaint tends to revolve around the similarity between TFA‘s Starkiller Base and the original movie’s Death Star. And, yes, I will cop to a moment of “This? Again?” when I first bespied Starkiller Base in all its IMAX glory.

But…

I concede that the elements are the same — big ol’ space station with planet-destroying gun has to be blown up via derring-do piloting acrobatics, etc. — but…so what?

How many action movies hinge on stopping a nuke of some sort? Are they all retreads of each other?

Look, in the Star Wars universe, clearly “Build a planet-sized weapon to blow up other planets” is a thing. It’s their version of a nuclear build-up. One time, you could say it’s a fluke, but this is the third time we’ve seen this kind of weapon. Obviously, it’s What They Do. Just like we stockpile enough nukes to eradicate life on Earth ten times over.

So, the mere existence of Starkiller Base does not make TFA a retread.

Furthermore, Starkiller Base is not the plot-driver of the movie. In the original Star Wars, the Death Star is the prime motivator for everything that happens in the movie, from start to finish. Right from the very beginning, the Tantive IV is captured by Vader’s Star Destroyer because Leia is onboard with the plans. She uploads the plans to Artoo and we’re off to the races.

Every single thing that happens in Star Wars proceeds from the existence of the Death Star, from the opening moments to the medal ceremony at the end.

Not so in TFA. Starkiller Base isn’t named or given a purpose until something like halfway through the movie. The prime motivator of the movie is the search for Luke Skywalker — blowing up Starkiller Base is just something that has to be done along the way, just as deactivating the tractor beam in Star Wars was necessary in order to keep going.

Is Starkiller Base a callback? A wink to the fans? Sure. But it’s not evidence that there’s no originality in the movie, and it’s not proof that it’s just a retread.

BB-8 Has the Plans!

This one’s just silly, but I’ll bite: Apparently, the fact that BB-8 is given part of the secret Jedi map is too similar for some people to Artoo being given the Death Star plans by Leia.

Really?

Guys… Droids are nothing more than mobile, artificially intelligent PCs. You put data on them. It’s what you do. Complaining about this is like watching a spy thriller and saying, “Hey, I saw another spy movie once where a guy put files on a flash drive! This is just a rip-off!”

Please.

Maz’s Bar is Just Like the Cantina

And I bet every time you watch a movie where someone goes to a bar, you think it’s ripping off…well, any other movie where someone goes into a bar.

Seriously, this is just ridiculous. People go to bars. To scummy criminal dive bars, too. Especially when they’re poor and desperate (as in Star Wars) or looking for information from criminals (as in Attack of the Clones). If we’ve decided that “going to a bar” is somehow sacred territory and impermissible for future Star Wars filmmakers…then, well, I don’t even know what we’re talking about.

“But it had goofy aliens just like the cantina!”

Yeah. And just like the night club in Attack of the Clones. And just like the entertainment room in Jabba’s palace in Return of the Jedi. And just like most of the other public venues in the Star Wars universe because it’s a universe populated by aliens.

Sheesh.

Han Dies, Just like Obi-Wan Did!

So what?

No, seriously — so what?

Because Ben Kenobi valiantly allowed himself to be struck down as an object lesson to Luke Skywalker,2 no one in a Star Wars movie can ever die in a similar fashion? I’m not even sure it is a similar fashion. Ben knew Luke was watching. Ben knew he would be able to continue communicating with Luke after death because he knows the Force-ghost trick. So Ben stood there and let Vader cut him down.

But Han didn’t know Rey or Finn were watching. He wasn’t in a fight against a former pupil and decided, “Hey, if I die, I can become more powerful!” Han doesn’t know jack about Force-ghosting. He was a father, in pain, trying to connect with his son, in pain. On some level, the old smuggler probably knew how this would turn out…but the father won out, and he tried to reach out to someone not interested in a helping hand.

Plus, when Obi-Wan died, we’d known him for an hour. He was a crazy old man who maybe wasn’t so crazy and then he died. We’ve known Han for three movies and many decades. Big difference in the impact.

Rey is Just like Luke. How Boring!

Well, I guess if you define “just like Luke” as “strong in the Force, lives on a desert planet, and looks good in neutral tones,” then, yeah, sure.

Luke: Lives with Aunt and Uncle who care for him. They’re overprotective, but there’s a good reason for that. “He has too much of his father in him.” — Yikes! Has a group of friends. Has plenty to eat. Isn’t desperate. Wants to leave home badly.

Rey: Lives alone in the burnt-out husk of a downed starship. Has no one to protect her or look after her. No friends. Relies on the “kindness” of local business-scum for her daily bread. Has to risk her life scavenging in order to survive. Doesn’t even have the luxury of dreaming of leaving home because she has to wait for her parents (who she knows, deep down, will never come.)

When Obi-Wan whisks Luke away on a magical journey to Alderaan and points beyond, Luke can just go. Rey, when offered a similar choice by Han, wants to go, but can’t. Her familial obligation pulls too hard.

I think their similarities are very superficial. Two very, very different characters. Luke had a level of safety and privilege (both unrecognized by him, as he was every inch the callow youth) that Rey would die for.

Kylo Ren is Too Much Like Darth Vader

Are you kidding me? Other than a penchant for black cloaks and masks, these two dudes are nowhere near alike. Vader was a supremely confident master of the Force with decades of experience. Kylo Ren is a terrified kid trying to project bad-assery as a way of masking his own fears of inadequacy. They are nothing alike, which makes Ren’s Vader-aspirations all the more fascinating.

So, yeah. I don’t think any of these hold water as proof of a retread or lack of creativity on the part of the makers of The Force Awakens.

Two more very common complaints:

Rey Learned the Force Too Quickly

I’m on the edge of conceding this one, but I’m not sure I care. I don’t know what “too quickly” means when it comes to the Force. Truthfully, if we go by the other movies, it seems as though the biggest, hardest, most crucial step in “learning the Force” is just believing in it in the first place.

Consider that in Star Wars, Luke has maybe twenty minutes of Force-related chatter with Ben Kenobi…and then is blocking blaster bolts while blindfolded on the Millennium Falcon…with a lightsaber, a weapon he’d never even seen before, much less held.

Then, with no further training and nothing more than the ghost of Ben Kenobi in his ears, Luke makes a “one in a million” shot and blows up the Death Star.

The next time we see Luke, in The Empire Strikes Back, it’s been a few years, but he’s had no formal training at all. And yet he still manages to telekinetically summon his lightsaber while in the Wampa’s den. Who taught him that trick? How did he even know it was possible?

So, yeah, Rey learns quickly. Maybe too quickly. But it doesn’t seem out of bounds compared to what we’ve seen Luke do. The more I think about it, the more it seems that Jedi training is less about “here’s how you use the Force” and more about teaching the Jedi-approved way to use the Force.3

There are just too many camera angles and shots stolen from the first movie

Of course, “too many” is in the eye of the beholder, but still: That’s not ripping off or retreading — it’s homage. And if you think the fact that Abrams decided to frame some of his shots just like Lucas’s somehow obviates his own creativity, let me point out that — cinematographically — he moves the damn camera more in the first ten minutes of the movie than Lucas did in the whole of Star Wars. He’s got chops.

The fact that we are still friends despite disagreeing about something so monumental speaks to our maturity…or maybe to our mutual fear of having to go out and find new friends.So that’s where Zack Snyder got the idea!Hmm — here’s some Expanded Universe fodder: What if the Jedi training is actually designed to slow down your acquisition of Force abilities under the guise of teaching them so that no one ever becomes too powerful?

WiRL: “Have I Read This Before?”

It’s Christmas, so we do…nothing special.

Episode 45: The One with Morgan’s Memory Problems

Morgan cheats on Barry. Taking stock of what we’ve read this year. Morgan’s memory is terrible. Barry resists going all Campbell on Star Wars. Wisdom from Sylvia Plath. Plus: Great first lines!

Star Wars Thoughts

[image error]Warning: Spoilers for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (Duh)

In no particular order…

Man, oh, man, did I love this.
I managed to stay spoiler-free, which wasn’t easy, but I went into it not even knowing any of the new characters’ names. I knew there was a dude named Kylo Ren, but didn’t know who he was.
I thought I was prepared, but when I saw the crawl begin and the words “Episode VII: The Force Awakens,” I felt my heart hammer in my chest. I realized that since I was 10 years old, I’ve been waiting for this moment on some level…and on that same level, I figured it would never come. But holy crap — there it was, up on the screen!
Love Rey.
Love Finn.
Love Poe.
Basically, they did a great job with the new characters. Mega-impressed. It would have been easy to fall back on the old favorites, but they put in the time and the effort to make me fall in love with the new kids.
Speaking of which… Since they’re going to use these new characters for future movies, it seems like the obvious move is to kill Leia in Episode VIII and then bump of Luke in Episode IX. Man, that’s gonna hurt. I can’t lie.
Looks like Harrison Ford finally got his wish to die in a Star Wars movie.
I bet when Kylo Ren threw Solo’s body into the pit, Chewie was thinking, “I should have strangled that little fucker in his crib.”
I was weirdly waiting for a moment where Kylo Ren would bump into Chewbacca. “Uncle Chewie!”
Am I the only one who thought of the Throat of the World as Rey was walking up those steps to meet Luke Skywalker?
I am doubly happy to have the remote-controlled BB-8 now that I’ve seen “him” in action.
My only quibble with the movie: I wish Threepio had continued his standard intro into “Human-cyborg relations. I am fluent in over six million forms of communication.” Because there’s nothing more awkward than a droid that won’t shut the hell up.
Sorry, Ken Leung and Greg Grunberg are terrific actors, but they totally yanked me out of the movie when they showed up.
So…the new super-weapon destroys two systems, then, right? The one it fires on and the one of which it eats the sun. Yikes. Good riddance.
I hate the name “Snoke.” But that’s OK.
Gotta say it again: So impressed with the new characters. They found just the perfect balance between “These people are cool” and “These people are newbies.”
Please tell me Max von Sydow wasn’t just there for the hell of it. There’s got to be more to his character. Right?
Ditto for Captain Phasma. Did she somehow survive?
Not being a fan of Girls, I don’t know enough about Adam Driver to be a fan of his or not, but damn was he perfect casting for Kylo Ren! He’s got the voice of a badass villain, but when he takes off that mask, he looks like a scared little boy…which is just what the role needs. Awesome.
How the hell did Maz end up with Luke/Anakin’s lightsaber? That went flying off to eternity when Vader hacked off Luke’s hand in Empire.
Bring on Episode VIII!

WiRL: “A Tumblr in a Corner of the Internet”

Episode 44: The One with Morgan’s R&R

Barry reconsiders NaNoWriMo. Picking Morgan’s brain. Is writing an compulsion? Should it be? Leia walks like crazy and gets a sibling. An update on Morgan’s agent search.

WTF, GOP?

I usually don’t begin my political blogging in earnest until the actual conventions, but man — I feel like I have to get something off my chest.

Donald Trump is calling for closing the borders to Muslims, period, based on a stew of fear-mongering, paranoia, and real-time clickbait. The cheers of his crowds (I hesitated slightly, nearly calling them “mobs”) grow louder and more forceful as his rhetoric ratchets ever higher. He’s called for cataloging citizens in a database, spying on them, informing on them, and now barring them from the country. Seriously, he has only two more rungs on this ladder — round them up; exterminate them — and the first primary vote hasn’t even been cast yet.

Jesus.

Then there’s Ted Cruz, rising rapidly in the polls. When President Obama had the temerity to talk to the American people like adults, counseling calm and rational thinking in the wake of the San Bernardino terrorist attack, Cruz said this:

If I am elected President, I will direct the Department of Defense to destroy ISIS: https://t.co/am6Sxe3anE

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) December 7, 2015

As if the only thing standing between us and the end of ISIS has been someone willing to say, “Get rid of ISIS.” As if the President of the United States is a mafia godfather who can have an entire organization and socio-religious philosophy whacked in an alleyway. This is a very special combination of intellectual dishonesty and utter cluelessness.

Other GOP candidates offered similarly useless and idiotic rejoinders to the President, all long on attitude and snark and smug self-satisfaction, short on facts and knowledge and actual details.

Where the hell did this collection of feckless thugs come from? Where the hell did they get their oversimplified platitudes and ignorant bigotries?

I speak not as a foe of the Republican Party. I’m not a registered Democrat, after all. I registered as an Independent when I could first vote (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) because I recognized good people and smart ideas in both of the major parties.1 At the time, given that each side seemed to have something to offer, it seemed absurd to pledge fidelity to one and lose the ease of borrowing from both.

Today, the Democratic Party is still largely similar to the one I knew at eighteen. But the Republican Party has metamorphosed into a monstrous chimera of hate, bigotry, and abject ignorance. Facts mean nothing when blasted with the force of sheer rage and fear. And policies on important issues are reduced to macho posturing, meaningless slogans, and double-talk.

The result is nonsense like making certain terrorists on American soil have ready access to firearms and risible codswallop like Cruz’s inane comment about ISIS.

This proclivity toward policy via road rage and governance by temper tantrum in today’s GOP is a grievous insult to the many fine Republicans of decades past who served their country with honor.

What in the hell is wrong with these people?

If they truly believe what they’re spewing, that’s horrifying enough. If it’s just a way to game the beleaguered and easily gulled, that’s even worse — it means today’s GOP is willing to drag the country into a sucking mud pit, so long as they can rule the swamp.

It’s nauseating. It’s grotesque. It’s a vicious kick in the gut to the ghosts of the party, proud Americans who at least gave a damn and tried.

I don’t know how any of them can look in a mirror. And the voting has yet to begin — it’s only going to get worse.

And also because — like our Founders — I dislike the idea of political parties in general.