Tracy St. John's Blog, page 227

Countdown to Alien Slave, Quote 17

     "Protect Dani!" Gelan told Krijero.  It was the last thing he said before the Tragooms hove into view and all hell broke loose.
     Looking like bastard children of a pig and rhinoceros, four Tragooms fired percussion blasters in a tremendous volley, the shwack-shwack boom of their attack shaking the very air.  Wynhod and Gelan shot back as Krijero turned and fell on Dani, knocking her to the ground.  At first she cried out in horror, thinking he'd been hit, but as his body wrapped around hers, shielding her from the blasts, she realized he was protecting her. 

Countdown to Alien Slave, Quote 16

     A snarl erupted from the entrance of the cave.  Wynhod whipped around, a shorter knife from his belt at the ready.  With one voice, he and the other two men roared back.
     Something furred bounded into the firelight.  Dani had a moment to register that Gelan and Krijero were still naked, that Wynhod sped to their sides in a blurred rush, that the massive animal, as tall on its six legs as the men were on two, had a mouthful of dagger fangs.  The next instant it sprang at Krijero, claws that looked a mile long reaching for the still crouched Imdiko.

Releasing in two days!

WIP Wednesday - Alien Interludes: The Sentence

Were any of you curious as to what would happen to General Patrick Hamilton of Alien Conquest?  After all, he was the one person who could have stopped Armageddon, but he chose not to.  I thought it rather obvious he would have to face some sort of Judgment Day of his own, and he will.  Cassidy and her clan discuss what justice he might face:

    "What's the likelihood of each of the three options?" she asked.
    "I think life imprisonment is out of the question," Lidon answered.  "No matter where he's incarcerated, General Hamilton will be killed by another inmate or a guard.  Given the number of assassination attempts already made, it's only a matter of time."
    Tranis agreed.  "He's the most hated man around.  Some would like to feed him to the Tragooms."
    "So execution or mind wipe.  Though if they erase his memories, there will still be those bent on killing him," Cassidy guessed.
    "Well if it comes to a mind wipe, his features will be altered and he'll be given a new name and background to keep him hidden."  Degorsk snorted.  "The idea is that he can be a productive member of society with his past destroyed."
    "Isn't he kind of old to start his life over?" Cassidy asked.  "I mean, he's healthy as a horse, but he'd be looking at retirement on Earth." 
    "He'll be eligible for the benefits accorded other senior Earthers.  If they go the mind wipe route, Hamilton will probably be placed on one of the colonies once he's deemed ready."
    "I doubt that will be his fate," Tranis opined.  He rubbed Cassidy's back and smiled at her with such love her pulse stuttered.  She suddenly wanted to skip lunch and go straight back to their guest quarters.
    "Don't be so sure.  Kivokan is planning to push for the general to be remanded to his care.  He's testifying in hopes of the mind wipe."
    "As in Dramok Kivokan?  Isn't he one of your bosses?"  Cassidy frowned.
    "The Galactic Council will not give Hamilton to Kalquor if he's not to be executed," Lidon snorted. 
    "They might if he can prove his case.  And trust me, Kivokan is very persuasive."  Degorsk frowned.
    "Okay, back up and tell me this scenario from start to finish."  Cassidy had a very bad feeling about the situation.
    Degorsk took a deep breath to compose his thoughts.  "Okay, you know about the psychiatric team on Kalquor dedicated to treating traumatized Earther Mataras."
    "The same group you now intern for.  Dr. Govi heads that group."  Cassidy liked Imdiko Govi, who had taken a special interest in her own emotional upheavals following her joining Tranis' clan.  He had also become Degorsk's sponsor when he'd decided to switch from being a military doctor to pursue psychology. 
     "Dramok Kivokan is second in charge of the team.  He's a respected doctor himself, but he tends more towards administration and researching new treatment options."
    "You've mentioned him in passing a few times, but I haven't heard a lot about him."
    Degorsk grimaced, a strange expression on his normally happy face.  "I'm not too fond of his practices, to be honest.  He gets results, but I can't say I agree with all his methods."
    Lidon raised an eyebrow.  "Given your opinion of mind wiping, I'm not surprised."
    "He started that?" Cassidy asked.
    "No, but he – perfected it for use on Earthers." 
    The way Degorsk spat out the word 'perfected' told Cassidy her clanmate was very much against it.  The information that someone had worked on the particulars to make mind wipes useful against her kind turned her cold.
    "Why would a psychiatrist want to be able to remove Earther memories?" she asked.
    Her three mates exchanged long looks with each other.  Degorsk blew out a mighty breath.  "Because so many Mataras were emotionally damaged by how they were treated on Earth."
    Cassidy fought rising anger.  My clan would never allow that to happen to me, she thought, and there was little doubt of that in her mind.  Still, with what she had suffered at the hands of her own grandfather she might have been at risk without their protection.
    "I was damaged.  I suppose I still I am," she said.  "Would he have wanted to mind wipe me?"
    Growls erupted from her clanmates.  "No one is touching you," Tranis snarled.
    "But if you hadn't clanned me?"
    "Govi's in charge," Degorsk said.  "He wouldn't have allowed it."
    "Has he allowed others to undergo the procedure?"
    "Only two.  Their circumstances were extreme."
    "In what way?"
    "Both had been molested and raped repeatedly as children.  Their abusers were caught in these acts, and the girls were sentenced to life imprisonment under Earth's morality laws.  Their youth was taken into account so they weren't mutilated or placed in the work camps, where they would have died in a matter of months."
    "By the ancestors," Lidon swore.  "Innocent children being punished because of the actions of others!"
    Degorsk nodded.  "They continued to suffer terribly in detention.  They were seen as 'ruined' because of the rapes.  Once incarcerated, their guards apparently continued the abuse."
    Cassidy blinked back tears.  She couldn't imagine the horror those two girls, and who knew how many others, had suffered.  "So they were a real mess, I suppose?"
    Her Imdiko sighed.  "They'd never known any joy in living.  These young women grew to adulthood in a kind of hell I don't even want to contemplate.  They'd both made multiple suicide attempts, and neither had anything close to sanity left to them.  So Govi allowed Kivokan to erase their entire identities, taking away all the memories of their pasts."
    Cassidy swallowed.  "I guess in those cases, it was for the best," she said. 
    "I suppose."
    "You don't sound terribly certain," Tranis prodded gently. 
    "They're certainly happy now," Degorsk said slowly.  "Well adjusted with their new identities.  No sign of trauma whatsoever, and one has joined a clan.  She's due to have her first child in the second quarter.  But when they first came out of the procedure, they were so … blank.  Soulless."
    Cassidy felt him shudder next to her.  "And that's what will happen to the general if Kivokan gets his way."
    Degorsk nodded.  Tranis and Lidon looked as grim as he did.

Countdown to Alien Slave, Quote 15

    "Nobek—" Gelan started, only to be cut off by his clanmate's snarl.
    "Mine," Wynhod said in a thick voice.
    "Ours," the Dramok firmly reproved him.  "Give her over."
    Wynhod showed Gelan his fangs.  The clan leader simply stared at him, his expression unmoving.  Dani stared at the two men, frightened they might fight.  How could she and Krijero hope to keep Wynhod from tearing Gelan apart?

Countdown to Alien Slave, Quote 14

    When she found light again, it was on the outdoor stage of Dantovon's central market square.  Heat beat down on her, making it hard to breathe.  Dani stood naked, the eyes of hundreds of people on her, aliens of all civilizations.   They waited breathlessly for her to be punished, their avid gazes eager to witness her humiliation.

Countdown to Alien Slave, Quote 13

     The room was a nightmare of overbearing good cheer.  Sunshine yellow walls competed with the meadow green bedspread, curtains, and carpet.  Sky blue painted furniture scattered the room:  bed, nightstand, and armoire.  It was a room that looked like the innocence of Little House on the Prairie had exploded all over it.
     And seated in the midst of all this happy crappy was Dani's mother, perched like an exotic bird on the edge of the bed in a fuchsia robe.  She was a scream of vibrancy in pastel hell.

Tutorial Tuesday - Put Up Your Dukes 3

This is the last installment of writing violent scenes and fights.  This time around we'll look at the elements of surprise and humor in battle, two ingredients you may not have considered.

Shock and Awe
To be honest, most fights in stories are not a surprise.  If you've been building to a violent confrontation, your readers are certainly going to expect it.  In fact, if you don't deliver fisticuffs in some instances, they will be disappointed with you and your story.
What has led to readers expecting a fight?  Knowing the characters are capable of fighting for their beliefs and that they have something important to lose if they don't engage their opponents.  There's nothing wrong with your readers knowing a battle is inevitable.  They may even have a reasonable expectation of who will win the fight.  The point isn't so much to leave your readers' mouths gaping open, stunned that the hero and villain are finally fighting.  It's to dramatize the conflict that needs to be resolved.  We knew Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker would eventually have it out in the Episode III:  Revenge of the Sith in the Star Wars saga.  We had an idea of how it would end; with Anakin becoming Darth Vader and Obi-Wan going into hiding as he kept an eye on Luke.  It was wondering how this end would come to be that put our butts in theater seats.
Sometimes surprise does have a place in the great struggle however.  A weapon we didn't see coming, an amazing fighting technique that leaves us gasping, or a last second endeavor when all seems lost.  But even as your hero suddenly turns the tables on his enemy, he must employ something we can accept.  This means you must foreshadow how he will overcome impossible odds without giving any idea of his secret weapon.
Nothing illustrates this better than the show Breaking Bad, in which a mild-mannered high school chemistry teacher manufactures methamphetamine.  Walt is brilliant when it comes to chemistry, but he's often backed into a corner by the brutal thugs his criminal activity puts him in contact with.  In one brilliant face-off with an armed and murderous enemy, the seemingly overwhelmed Walt outdoes the bad guy by causing a shocking explosion using a chemical compound that looks just like meth.  Because the weapon is so out of the ordinary you never see it coming, but when it does it makes all the sense in the world.

To Wit or Not to Wit?
If you want your readers to take your conflict seriously, you're better off resisting witty repartee during the fight.  In the movie Total Recall, I guess it was supposed to be funny when the hero yelled, "Screw you!" as he offed one guy with the bore of a large tool which rotated and looked like the thread of a screw.  This was a high-energy fight to the death that lost all its drama with that non-hilarious line. 
Of course if you want to make the whole fight a big joke then go for it.  But you must mean it to be utterly absurd.  For example, we are all aware of the rampant stupidity of Black Friday Wal-Mart shoppers stampeding into the store to get the deals.  Wouldn't that be the perfect backdrop for a gladiator-style battle over an X-box?  I envision a woman in a housedress and bedroom slippers, her hair bound in curlers, facing off against a Skoal-spitting, John Deere hat-wearing Nascar fan.  Extension cords become whips, shopping carts are chariots, TV trays morph into shields, and handlebars from unassembled bikes are wielded like swords as combat for the last gaming system ensues.  Make it ridiculous from the word go and keep it silly.  But if you want your readers to take your conflict seriously, then stay away from the wit.
So that's my last word (for now) on violence and fighting in writing.   Keep it real and keep it exciting to keep your readers in a thrall from the first punch thrown until the last man falls. 

Countdown to Alien Slave, Quote 12

    His biggest concern was that he couldn't help what mattered most of all:  Dani's health.  She faded in and out of consciousness now, whimpering from time to time as Krijero carried her in Gelan's wake.  She continued to puke up the water they gave her.  There was a sweetish-sick odor coming off her in waves.  Her too-pale face scared the Dramok the most, and from his clanmate's expression Krijero was frightened too.

Countdown to Alien Slave, Quote 11

Apparently Kalquorian hearing was much better than hers, because Krijero suddenly stiffened.  His nostrils flared, and his pupils widened until only the barest sliver of blue-purple irises remained.  He bared his teeth, fangs descended in a feral display as he put himself between Dani and the woods in front of them.  The Earther's heart galloped like a runaway horse as Krijero pulled a long, gleaming knife out of his boot.  She tensed to run from whatever danger was poised to burst from the trees.

Countdown to Alien Slave, Quote 10

The Nobek took off, running fast but silently through the trees, avoiding the deep pools of water where possible.  He covered a lot of ground quickly.  He paused here and there to listen and sniff the air.  The sweetish-rancid stench grew until it filled his senses, sparking an instinctive rage that his training kept in check.  Few things incited real bloodlust, the blinding urge to kill without remorse.  This was one of those things however, and Wynhod's fangs unhinged.  He kept his senses nonetheless, the need to protect his clan and Dani leashing the primal beast inside him.

Coming Friday!