Samantha Beardon's Blog, page 44

Dating

I got carried away by our interaction,

Thought it was a source of mutual attraction,

I got carried away by your seeming caring,

Those whispered words and the texts endearing,

I imagined ,we shared something special at times,

I am sure we did, fleetingly, or maybe I am blind

As one of the crowd, I am just a fleeting fling,

It won’t be me, when cupid, releases the arrow from the sling,

It pains me to release these silken chords,

But our relationship, will never win any awards,

I got carried away and am getting hurt,

I am setting us free, my love to divert.

The letter.

Activity 6.

March 30th 2017

Dear Sergeant Bristoe,

I wish to share my feelings about the training exercise which took place in January 1987 when you were the platoon instructor. The exercise where you had two near fatalities; it is etched in my mind I hope you remember it.

I understand that training needs be harsh and soldiers must be programmed to obey orders. That we need to push ourselves to the limit and beyond, to meet the objectives. It can be hard to see what is reasonable, when you are being tested past your level of tolerance. 

I would imagine you remember the training exercise, but just in case let me refresh your memory.  It was the last exercise in the January 87 special forces course we were the Bravo group. In the 42-degree heat at the edge of the desert, we were being forced way beyond what was reasonable. We were all experienced soldiers used to obeying orders and to testing ourselves.  We did as we were ordered.

Your role was to push us soldiers to foster all the attributes needed for special forces. You had a job to do. It was the last exercise in a gruelling three days and the conditions as you know had been extreme. You should have assessed the situation more and looked at the condition the recruits were in, before that final exercise. I wanted to tell you to fuck off, which wouldn’t have helped. To highlight that some of the men were too exhausted to do that last big push in the forty plus degree heat.

It is my biggest regret that I didn’t, say what I thought.  If I had, perhaps Mick and Robbo wouldn’t have nearly died. They might both have been able bodied and in the army if not in special forces.

I blame you for your blind determination to goad us lads, to the end, without taking in all the factors in play. I hope you learned from it , and developed further skills in the training and deployment of men. 

The upside for me is that I learnt the lesson well. When I led patrols, I assessed not only the situation but the condition of my men very carefully as part of my planning process. A good lesson but a poor way to have learned it. I still wish I had, the balls to challenge you and it will always be a niggling regret.

Rick Anson.

Attraction

Attraction snuck up on us quickly

The lure of romance in the air

That first wave of emotion, swept us away

No need for Tinder, it was redundant that day.

We floated  on clouds of pheromones 

Drunk on shared secrets and joy

We couldn’t stop touching each other

Magnetism  fully deployed.

The recipe for a  long term relationship

Just too exciting too  fail

Our essences wove tight together

Linked tightly, an exquisite trail.

Then one day we seemed to falter

Attraction seemed to subtlety alter

A ripple and tearing of the magnetism

I am feeling slightly bereft.

Attraction snuck up on us quickly

The lure of romance in the air

Was it only the feelings of lust

Is this a relationship destined to bust? 

Dead dreams Live Dreams

Today my dream seems set to rust

Think it’s past it, reduced to dust

Gossamer threads colour my day

Looking at a horizon layered in grey

Sure the dark is pulling me in.

Hold my dreams, in my hand 

Sifting their hues, there’s  a bright strand

Hold that strand towards the light

Twinkling green, then pink, burning bright

Sure the dark is starting to spin.

Twist it round the layers of grey

Life moves on, learn from yesterday

Pick out the issues learn from mistakes

Grasp the new thread with renewed faith

Sure the dark is starting to dim.

Know that some dreams wither away

Hold that fledgling dream and weigh

Twist those colours new bright strand

Hope rebuilt in my hands

Sure the darkness didn’t win.

Trapped

I am trapped in a place

I am not sure if it’s real

The paths are all gone

 At best it’s surreal.

The leaves have all fallen

They crunch underfoot

There is no perspective

I think I am forsook.

This land of the fae

Is an alien place

They called to me, plaintive

That diminutive race

I am trapped in a place

I am not sure if its real

I am moving forward 

Like on, a hamster’s wheel.

My heart is a thundering

My breath fast and tight

Darkness has descended

Like the darkest, moonless night.

My boots keep me walking

The air feels real chill

The fireflies are biting

They are making me ill.

Why did I wish for a different fate

You asked me to marry you

I just couldn’t relate

I took my love  away ,with no review.

Now I am paying, what’s overdue

I am trapped in a place far from home

I know its the end the fireflies have grown

Those fae creatures,will make me atone.

Written to relate to a photo prompt.

Looking for you

I spent my life looking for you

Now I have found you,am happy but blue

It’s too late for you to be my mate

Wasted years, parlous state

Too many miles travelled

Too many locks to unravel

Could I be selfish and go with my heart

Whilst breaking many others,would just be the start

Now I stand on the precipice 

Looking back and forwards on the edge of bliss

Knowing that glimpse is my only prize

Now a life wedded to duty and fuelled by lies

I spent my life looking for you

Such a stupid thing to do! 

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Tender moments

Tender moments alone together

Never looking back in anger, for the future looks bright 

Delicate touches of the hand 

Emitting a smile as the night draws in

Remembering the times we’ve shared

Negative moments the rarest of all 

Excitement grows at the dawn of each day

Softness in abundance, as great as the sun 

Spontaneous moments, ensure The future is secure

Secrets and dreams

My dreams I can articulate, 

They show my passions and my schemes,

Beam light on future directions  and  my passions major themes.

My secrets, I don’t articulate

They show maybe hurt and pride, some I keep hidden

Like an iceberg deep inside, those memories unbidden

Rarely looked at by myself

I need to understand the beliefs, stacked upon the dusty shelf

They impact on my dreams and stop me being true to self

The simple life

Rushing, rushing

Frenetically hustling

Life is busy, full of strife

Is there a thing called the simple life?

Bustling, hustling 

Ever tussling

I need space,to slow my pace,

To listen, to stop, to rate the rat race.

Rushing, rushing

Frenetically hustling

No time to savour , just to survive

Is there a thing called the simple life?

Bustling, hustling 

Cease the tussling

Find a balance, from the inside

Hone priorites, must decide

Rushing, rushing

Frenetically hustling

Centre myself , count life’s wealth

Where can I find the simple life?

Where can I find the simple life?

Modifying, modifying

New life , designing

Centre myself, count life’s wealth

Life is too short, no time for stealth

Where can I find the simple life? 

Particular Trust

Feelings

For You

Just get better

Love

Longing strong

Red letter day

Friendship

Firmly Grasped

Strong bonds stay

Partnership

Particular trust

Together we should stay

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