Sacha Jones's Blog, page 6

Presidential Golf???

WTF?????????????? Barack Obama is in the country and he is playing god damn golf????? with the former right-wing PM John Key who just happens to be a professional golfer now. FFS! So he probably arranged the whole thing - before Obama even sees Jacinda Ardern!! - no doubt for some payoff in the form of being able to say he beat Obama on the golf course. FFS!

I do not like seeing this kind of power held by a top-tier male in our community (Key). It sets a bad precedent. Obama should have met with Jacinda first, shown his deference to the woman host of the country he just entered. It is only good manners. Money should not have been able to overrule that. But somehow Key and his ass-licking fucktard friends got that changed.

Finally, they meet. Obama and Jacinda, their names match quite well. They hit it off, of course. They are both good people. I always love it when good people meet. There is an instant rapport, as there was between Obama and Jacinda. Kismet at a presidential level.

Obama is so sexy. I think that's what the fucktards can't stand most, the women loving Obama. 

It's All About Time (almost)

I cannot profess to know what the heck Stephen Hawking added to our knowledge of the universe and black holes...  and have not read his A Brief History of Time, though have thought about giving it a go but have never had the time - ha! I have been too busy writing jokes like that. Comedy is an art form that is said to have something - everything - to do with timing, if not Time. They're relatives. Hmm...

But I know a good story when I come across one as I and millions of others did through the 2014 film, The Theory of Everything , that was made of Hawking's life based on the book that his wife Jane Wilde wrote about that life, including her critical role in keeping him alive and inspiring him to go on when he was ready to give up (all verified by Hawking and many others who were there, for those sceptics who don't believe anything women say about what they have done to further the lot of mankind).

Indeed theirs is a profound love story and that is what got people like me, non scientists, interested in the man who once (post his relationship with Jane) told a reporter that he might understand the universe but he doesn't understand women any more than the next man.

Just as well his wife understood him and loved him through all his lack of understanding too, because an understanding love trumps all, including men's determination to remain mystified about the most interesting and important puzzle in life; the ultimate black hole, if you will.

Sorry, but I am a comedian now and when the joke fits, and it fits here, use it. Perhaps it will stand the test of time, perhaps not. Perhaps what Hawking had to say on other black holes will stand the test of time, perhaps not.

But what has and will stand the test of time, because we are all doomed without it, is love, surely the greatest mystery and magic of the universe.

RIP Stephen Hawking (who died yesterday) in the knowledge that you were loved.

 

The Spanish Sisterhood Insurrects in Style for IWD

"No women has an orgasm polishing the kitchen floor"  ...

... might be the best protest banner line ever written.
Viva la revolución! 

Me too much on International Women's Day 2018

On our publicly-funded commercial free Radio New Zealand channel yesterday one of the male guest speakers expressed his frustration with the prevalence of #MeToo messages in the media and entertainment industry and reckoned that this possibly explained why fewer people watched the Oscars this year as had done in previous years.

He was on the programme with a female host, who was standing in for the usual male host, and another female guest. These women then both tried to respond to his frustrations.

The female guest said that 'maybe the women involved are pretty sick of having to talk about the abuse they have suffered, and sick of the abuse itself,' or words to that effect, spoken with admirable restraint and minimal exasperation, although she made it clear that her frustration and disappointment with this guest's decision to blame women for talking too much about their abuse was greater than his, and justifiably so.

But then the host kind of tried to find a compromise position by saying that it is exhausting having to listen to so many stories of abuse, which was a little disappointing to hear, as really we have only been talking openly and at any length about the sexual abuse of women (and some men) in the entertainment industry and beyond since October, which is barely six months.

They're all men, right?
Hollywood women were reportedly advised to 'tone down' their #MeToo and #TimesUp protests at this year's Oscars. So in a world where historically, for hundreds if not thousands of years (never mind six measly months) women have been made to listen to men talk about their shit and to shut up about the shit that men put them through, this man's complaint about six months of push back from women, the kind of push back that might help to not only stop the endemic culture of sexist abuse, but the above stats on the systemic gender bias in the film industry and awards system, is a pathetic reflection of the very attitude that allows such abuse and bias to continue unchecked.

Most men, those who don't abuse women directly, just don't want to know about those men that do, and so it continues to be up to women to stop abusive men, even when men have the vast majority of the power in all industries of cultural and political influence. That's the problem in a nutshell and the sooner we own it and speak out about it, women and men alike, the better we will all be.

Stand up for women, men, or stand against us, that's the message I want to put out there for International Women's Day 2018.

Sold Out Sorry!

I'm not complaining, but...

... my final Fringe show on Saturday was so sold out that my husband had to turn our good friends away at the door after they had been looking forward to the show for many weeks but somehow hadn't gotten the memo reminding them that if they want to be sure to see a show they are looking forward to seeing they should probably book ahead! Either that or they presumed that a show with me and me only in it had next to no chance of selling out. Hmm... sometimes friends can be a little like that, and possibly I gave them that impression too. Sorry friends!!!
It didn't help that they are friends who don't use Facebook (whart???) and I don't do Instagram (whart??), which they favour, so they missed all my raving about the event and posting of my sold out opening night show on Facebook. And in the rush of that busy week I didn't think to message them separately, other than to email them briefly earlier in the week to remind them that the event was on and to ask them to please invite their friends too (which they didn't do, in the end, and just as well). 
It's not a bad problem to have to sell out your first comedy special twice I know, but I did want those friends to be there and really anyone else who wanted to see the show and couldn't, which included some other people who turned up at the door wanting tickets despite having to walk past this giant poster and sold out sign to get to that door. One young couple even waited to no avail for half an hour hoping to get tickets if some of the ticketed people didn't turn up. Blimey! 
In the end the Lounge space was a bit overcrowded with the front row completely visible to me and on my level, which was less than ideal. Next time a bigger venue, methinks, as well as bigger expectations on the part of the artist and her friends alike. 
That's not tempting fate at all ! And not just as far as attendance at any subsequent shows go. I haven't heard back from those friends since I emailed them yesterday morning profuse with apology and disbelief. I have a horrible feeling they think it's all my fault, which it probably is. Most things are. Why do you think I started stand-up comedy!!? To make new friends...  

Cherries Sold Out!

So in a follow up to my last post I can happily, if with slightly bleary eyes, report that my opening night stand-up gig was a sell out success! My comedy cherry was thoroughly popped in grand style and I did not drop the microphone.

Better still, one dude from England who was in the audience was heard to ask my husband after the show, and I quote: "Has Sacha (that's me) performed at Edinburgh?", and when my husband duly reported that she has not, he replied: "She totally should, she's just as good as those guys!"


I'm just going to highlight that quote, which I took as a decent compliment, even if he might have said she's a million times better than those guys. Never mind, it gives me something to aim for.

Now I just have to prepare for the difficult sequel tonight after very little sleep. Might need a nana nap...

Popping my cherry

So tomorrow night I stand up for the first time in front of an audience that has come to see me and me alone perform. It is a little nerve-wracking, but also quite exciting... 
I hope I don't drop the microphone or forget my segues or fudge my lines or go too fast, or too slow, or not speak directly into the mic so I can't be heard by the people in the back, or find that there are no people in the back because hardly anybody came to see me and me alone perform!

I'm going in naked - sans notes - to speak for an hour in an entertaining and feminist-forward way. What could possibly go wrong?

Indeed there are quite a few things that could go wrong besides these, this is only the shortlist. I'm also the fire-warden for the entire heritage (fire-prone) building for the night, and the first respondent should any harm befall anyone else in the building before, during or after my performance.

But that's what I signed up for - mostly. I wasn't entirely aware of the full extent of my responsibilities re putting out fires and worrying about the welfare of others on MY big night. But I guess if hardly anyone shows up the chances of anyone starting a fire or breaking their leg are greatly reduced, so there's that.

As for me breaking a leg, as a few of my friends (?) have encouraged me to do, I think that will be the least of my worries. The stage is only five inches high and I only charge across it giddy-upping like a deranged horse once during the show, or at least once that is scripted. So although the stage is black to match the floor beyond it, my horse and jockey are quite well trained in avoiding traps for the unwary; they've learnt that life skill the hard way.

Famous last words, she said... I always did want to be famous.                                                                                                                                                                                             

"All thy sins"

So Canada has finally changed its national anthem, "O Canada" to include, or rather not exclude, 50% of its citizens; namely their female humans.

The phrase "All thy sons" that has stood for more than one-hundred years despite feminist protest for at least forty, was officially changed to "All of us" last week.

So female Canadians are not explicitly included now - that would be going a step too far, and of course 'daughters' is much harder to rhyme than 'sons' (women are just so bloody difficult!) - but females are not explicitly excluded, so that is something. The humans that gave birth to every single Canadian are finally celebrated, indirectly, in its national anthem. Hooray! 

And there was me thinking Canada was a little more gender-evolved than that and would have long since made this obvious upgrade. But less surprising is that misogyny has no particular country, colour or creed, which this delay aptly confirms.

As an Australian I grew up singing: "Australian sons let us rejoice for we are young and free..." 

I never really thought anything of it, but as I knew at a young age that my brother, though older than me, had much more freedom than I did, I think subconsciously, even at the age of five when I started loudly rejoicing about the freedom my brother had, I was thinking, not forever buddy, my time will come...


And it did - sort of. The Aussies upgraded their anthem to "Australians all let us rejoice" in the 1980s, once I'd grown up and left the country. Take that, brother.

The White Wahine

Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is the first woman (wahine) and female prime minister to be... granted the right to speak on the marae at Waitangi in celebration/commemoration of the signing of Te Treaty o Waitangi, the founding document of NZ Aotearoa signed in 1840 between the (male) leaders of the indigenous Maori and the colonising Pakeha.


Ardern made the most of that 'privilege' as she described the honour of being granted what Helen Clark as PM before her was denied, an occasion that brought Clark to rare tears of frustration, and said that she intended to go on to 'earn' and honour that right in the policy decisions her government made with respect to improving the lives of Maori and doing much more to fulfil the partnership agreement of the Treaty.

And her humility, sincerity and respect shown for Maori as Tangata Whenua (first peoples) of Aotearoa ensured the 5-day-long ceremony was the most peaceful and productive meeting of the two parties to the Treaty ever seen.

As a result of Ardern's full participation in the five days of celebration, while five months pregnant, Waitangi Day 2018 has been hailed as a 'triumph' for Ardern and an 'unqualified success', even 'The Mother of all Huis.'

Indeed I can't help feeling that great progress has been made between Maori and Pakeha, as well as indigenous and colonising peoples of the world, and, not least, between men and women of Aotearoa and beyond too, in this historic event.

I remember all too well watching Helen Clark's tears on the same occasion in 1998, 20 years ago, when she, as PM, was banned from speaking on the marae at Waitangi because she is a woman and finding it hard to accept that this was what our commitment to Te Treaty o Waitangi meant.

Most battles between races and cultures involve other battles too. Wahine, white European wahine especially, including Helen Clark, have fought hard, for so many centuries, predating the colonisation of Aotearoa, against the injustices of institutionalised male domination, that it is surely to dishonour that long, hard fight to continue to say that respecting Maori and the Treaty means respecting the traditional Maori policy that only men are allowed to speak on the marae.

All strong partnerships require compromises, and this compromise on the side of Maori to allow this white wahine to speak on the marae in 2018, sends a message of productive compromise and progress on which a proper cultural partnership can be based, I think. I hope.

So well done to all who brought this compromise about, including Helen Clark and the many women (and some men), Maori and Pakeha, who have fought before and since her for women's voices to be heard and respected in all cultures throughout the world.

Compromise is king, and cooperation and compassion are queenly. We need all these qualities to get along in our diverse and too often divided world.

The ceremonial Waitangi Warriors, Waitangi Day, 2018 

Birthday brag

It's my birthday and I can brag if I want to...


Not sure who reads OWW anymore, gonna set up a new blog any day now; I'm told there are easier-to-access platforms than blogspot. But for now I carry on posting into the virtual void.
This is the poster for my one-woman stand-up show for the Auckland Fringe to be performed in a scarily short period of time. I hope she's ready; she looks a bit overconfident to me. 
Should any of you happen to be in Auckland and not have anything better to do on those dates, I can guarantee you a fair few laughs, either with or at me, should you decide to come along. 
A glimpse into what I might be going on about at that show can be found here on the interview I did for Radio New Zealand last night.
There's also this little piece in our local rag, the Devonport Flagstaff, which happened to come out yesterday, too. 

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me-e, Happy Birthday to me!