Michael Lauck's Blog, page 8

The Only Cure To My Illness Is My Blu Ray Player...

I have a whole bunch to do. So very much to do, getting ready to move and all. But the problem is I am sick. Not too sick to take care of the real vital stuff with a deadline (I didn’t write stuff at first, but I am on a kick to curb the profanity for some damn reason) but just at that I don’t feel well enough to do anything I don’t have to do except for lay around on the couch with the dog (who is snoring) and watch movies. Whenever I get sick it aggravates my celiac symptoms, so joints get sore and stiff… couch and movies, that’s the answer.

What kind of movies? After a couple of decades working in movie theaters (where I literally did everything… I started delivering schedules for an art house when I was in elementary school and plugged away until I was a manager), I am very sure of what I like in a movie: escapism. Sure, there are times when I prefer something with more substance, something that stays with you and forces you to think for days. But when everything is just kind of aching and the dog is taking up all of the prime couch real estate, then there is nothing better than something that is light on substance that really won’t make you tax yourself further by thinking. Something starring Godzilla or Franco Nero or someone who had never been heard of before and would never be heard of again!

As I type, Sam Jones is fighting Chaim Topol (stop autocorrecting that dammit!) for control of a rocket while Melody Anderson screams away… yup, I’m watching 1980′s Flash Gordon. HEY! Screw you, I like it! I remember seeing this in the theater as a kid… My uncle, who would soon be managing an art house movie theater and giving me my first job, took my brother and I. I think he probably had to review it. If you haven’t seen it lately, you really should give it a chance. I picked it up for like $5 on Blu Ray recently on a whim… if you get that version, check out the special features for what Alex Ross has to say about the inherit awesomeness of Flash Gordon… with the exception of his love of Queen (I am more of a punk rock kind of guy), I agree with everything he says! He points out that Flash Gordon is basically cut from the same cloth of the 1966 Batman TV series, which I had never really thought of but he is right. That is probably why I accepted the movie as a kid; I was in like third grade when it came out and I am sure I watched Batman on a regular basis at the time. Plus, Flash Gordon has Melody Anderson and I love Melody Anderson. She is not only in this but Firewalker (with Chuck Norris) and episodes of BJ and the Bear, Battlestar Galactica and even HBO’s excellent Phillip Marlowe… so she was pretty much in everything that made my childhood awesome. Yes, I do count BJ and the Bear as something that made my childhood awesome. What typifies the 1970′s better than a big rig with a wacky chimp?

I also watched Godzilla vs Megalon the other day. That is the one with Jet Jaguar. I heard recently that some people don’t like Jet Jaguar… how can that be? I have been reading August Ragone’s excellent book on Eiji Tsuburaya (which also doesn’t need to be autocorrected you stupid machine), although I didn’t start it until after I watched GvM. Tsuburaya was behind the special effects in many of the Godzilla films as well as the force behind the Ultraman shows. With all the attention that Doctor Who got and now Star Trek is receiving  for their 50th anniversaries (well deserved attention, by the way), it would be nice if Ultraman would get a little more hoopla in America. The series started in 1966 with Ultra Q and there are still Ultraman related shows in production today! I wonder where my copy of the Ultraman series is… too much stuff is already packed up for the move! 

When I first started to get sick I had coincidently just noticed that Warner Brothers is finally making the Gamma One series available on DVD through their print on demand Warner Archives series. Another great example of the kind of movies I am talking about, the Gamma One moves are kind of forerunner of Star Trek. Mike Halsted (Tony Russel) is a devil may care, two fisted astronaut who leads his space station team against several threats to Earth, such as crazy eugenicists (that doesn’t get autocorrected? seriously?) and Diaphinoids from Alpha Centari, over the course of four made for TV movies (five if you count an unofficial Japanese film) directed by Antonio Margheriti (who also directed The Stranger And The Gunfighter and Yor, Hunter From the Future). They aren’t the greatest movies but they try really hard. They have lots of cool model work, a couple of custom “future cars” and some great ideas. One of the problems faced by Halsted and crew, for example, is strife between the global government and “the corporations.” 

Italian science fiction is highly underrated. Everybody goes on about spaghetti westerns and the sword and sandal stuff, but there are some really fine Italian science fiction movies out there, too. The 10th Victim, Last Man On Earth, Planet Of The Vampires, Barbarella… there are some very watchable movies out of Italy! 

Okay, Flash just escaped from the Tree People. More importantly, the dog just curled up into a little ball and freed up a good deal of the couch. I am going to call this quits now, stretch out a bit and finish Flash Gordon. Then, well, then I do not know… but I am sure I will find something cool to watch.

Goodbye, Mr. Cooke

I was deeply saddened to learn of the passing of Darwyn Cooke this weekend. I have tried to think of a tribute or words, but it is difficult because I did not know him… I only admire his work. I think the best thing I can do is thank Darwyn Cooke for his body of art and stories, which have not only entertained me but actually affected me over the years. That and encourage everyone to seek out some of his projects. If you read comics, read (or re-read) DC: The New Frontier. It is amazing. If you do not read comic books but enjoy superhero stories or just good science fiction, watch the animated adaptation Justice League: The New Frontier. You can find it on Amazon for less than $7. It is completely worth it.

Best $10 I’ve Spent (You Know... Lately)

This is a fair warning and spoiler alert: I am about to get all nostalgic which might lead to more rambling than usual. 

The other day I was at a major retail mart to get dog food or something and using it as an excuse to meander through the DVDs to check out all of the deals on DC stuff in the lead up to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (which, by the way, was incredible; I don’t know what all of these people are whining about out there but that is a blog for another time). Anyway, I had already picked up a few sweet deals like The Dark Knight Returns and Throne of Atlantis on Blu Ray and DVD with a digital copy, packaged in a hardcover version of the associated comic books with a comic book download for $20 each. I had grabbed the movies I knew I didn’t have and returned to see if they still had anything to fill the holes in my DC animated film collection… and the one movie that had been released in this book and movie format was sold out. Disappointed I poked around for a second and found a new entry in the Police Story series that I didn’t even know had been made. That was a bit of a shock, but I have not been paying very close attention to the martial arts movies the last year or two. Don’t get me wrong: I still love a good kung fu movie, I just moved away from watching them while I wrote The Grand Tournament and I have began avoiding them again recently (take that as you will). As I was reaching for that Blu-Ray of Jackie Chan goodness, though, I was distracted. The Police Story movies are by far Jackie’s greatest films, full of humor, justice and action… and had I realized just how bad the Rush Hour TV show was going to be, I would have picked up the new Police Story entry just to try to wash the bad taste away! But I didn’t know that at the time and something caught my eye. I walked away with something very, very different.

For just about $10, the price of a quick lunch, I got the first season of Buck Rogers In The 25th Century! What? No, I am serious. I was excited. First of all, I love the old science fiction stuff. Give me a space opera or space western and I am a happy boy. EE Doc Smith’s Lensman series, for example. Or Space Patrol. Or Tom Corbett, Space Cadet on TV or the radio. I don’t know if I have ever mentioned it in a blog before, but I love old time radio shows! But the kings of the old time space adventures are Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers. One of my favorite books is an oversized collection of the Buck Rogers comic strips and I have been searching for years for an affordable vintage tin rocket or gun from the series. Flash Gordon is right up there, too. Remember the Filmation animated series in the late 1970s or early 1980s? Man, I do. Filmation, of course, also made Star Trek The Animated Series, Shazam, Jason of Star Command and some of the cool early DC cartoons.  Or what about the movie? I love that movie. It is cheesy, it is corny… sure, but it is also awesome. From the Queen soundtrack to Melody Anderson (who is also in Chuck Norris’s Firewalker, another favorite) there is nothing about Flash Gordon I do not like. I can’t get enough of the older stuff, either. From the Buster Crabbe films to the slightly creepy 1950s Flash Gordon TV show shot in Germany, I love them all. Well, maybe not that last SyFy Flash Gordon series… it did suck. So when they actually made a Buck Rogers TV show I was all about it!

I remember watching Buck Rogers on my grandmother’s black and white TV Saturday nights when it was first on and then later when it was syndicated for a while after its cancellation. I loved Star Trek and Space 1999 re-runs and I had seen the older incarnations of Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon, but this version was special. Much like that other fine piece of Glen A. Larson science fiction television Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers In The 25th Century was new and somehow it felt like it was mine. I think it was that when an episode came on, unlike so many other shows I loved like Star Trek, my dad couldn’t say “Oh, this is a good one.” But even though I loved it when I was 8, I really haven’t seen the show much in the last two or three decades and wasn’t even sure if it would hold up. I could not wait to find out.

I’ll be honest, i am not through with the set yet but it is amazing. Yeah, it is not great when it comes to high concept story telling or mature writing. If it was on now for the first time I have to admit I would probably dismiss it. But it isn’t on now and even if it was, it would not be the same for a number of reasons. As nostalgia viewing, it is making me incredibly happy. And the DVDs had a surprise or two as well.

First up, instead of the television cut of the pilot story, the set includes the theatrical release. Yes, the pilot for Buck Rogers In The 25th Century (BR25 for short) was releases in movie theaters. I am pretty sure that the same thing happened with Larson’s Battlestar Galactica as well. I hadn’t seen this before… and I don’t think the content is very different from what ended up on TV. The opening, though, was a shock. One thing I remember distinctly about the show is the open. The theme played while frozen Gil Gerard (Buck) floats through a series of circular scenes from the pilot episode. The music is distinctive but kind of different than other science fiction at the time. Star Wars had introduced the big, epic theme. Battlestar Galactica had the big symphonic score and, in a weird way so did Blake’s 7 over in the UK. (By the way, why the hell isn’t Blake’s 7 available on DVD?) Star Trek even jumped into this trend with the new theme adopted by The Motion Picture, which is actually one of my favorite film scores. Star Trek had a unique theme when it originally aired, of course, (and probably a much more limited budget) but went a very different route with the movie If you can’t place the theme from The Motion Picture it is probably because you think of it was the theme for Star Trek The Next Generation. BR25 had a little of that drama with a kind of stabbing intro, but the rest of the theme is more of a general adventure kind of deal in that pre-Star Wars style like Space 1999. And the end credits boasted a guitar/elevator music version. Didn’t I promise rambling?

So anyway, the theatrical pilot for BR25 does have the same theme music as the show, but a different version. It has lyrics! Some dude was singing this soft rock jam over the intro… which was vastly different than the show. Like I mentioned, the show had frozen Gil Gerard floating through selected cool scenes. The movie has sleeping Gil Gerard on a platform (which I think was part of a giant illuminated BUCK ROGERS) while slinky space chicks writhed around. Huh? The space hussies were a little weird but the theme song really freaked me out. And it has been stuck in my head for like five days.

And that should have tipped me off, by the way. I remembered the tight, white uniforms of the show. At the risk of sounding particularly awful, I especially remember Erin Gray (Colonel Wilma Deering) in said uniform, her shiny blue (and equally tight) alternate uniform and the almost anime style sailor suit themed mini-dress that appeared once Buck and Colonel Deering headed into space on the Searcher later in the show. I will freely admit that Erin Gray was an early TV crush of mine (along with Yvonne Craig as Barbara Gordon/Batgirl on Batman, Lynda Carter on Wonder Woman and Joanna Cameron on Secrets Of Isis, another Filmation production). I remembered that Erin Gray sported these super tight clothes… it was the 1970s! What I did not remember was how sexualized BR25 was when it came to costuming but the space chicks in the theatrical opening quickly reminded me how recurring villain Princess Ardala frequently lounged around in her sequined bikini top and loin cloths, which I did kind of remember as kind of an homage to the weird pulp oriental look of so many characters, especially bad guys, in the early days of both Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon. 

Honestly, if you had asked me a week or so ago, I would have characterized BR25 as more or less of a kids show, or maybe family adventure viewing. After watching a few episodes, though, I am not so sure that is what NBC was actually aiming for given the mix of bondage gear, spandex and halter tops they deemed to be future fashion. It isn’t too long into the first regular story, the two part Planet of the Slave Girls (which tells you something right there, especially since it was a planet of all kinds of slaves) that Wilma is undercover in a slave girl outfit, trapped in some kind of lava room with another slave girl (whose tan lines show at one point). When Buck visits a space resort in the episode Vegas In Space the costumes are ridiculous… one of the main characters (the girl of the week to rescue) literally wears two vertical strips of cloth held together with bands of ribbons every six or eight inches. Another episode sees a computer operator getting abducted after accidentally seeing important data.. but not before she can come home and undress while watching her video messages.

Not to merely dismiss these gratuitously revealing costumes, but it was the 1970s when shows like Three’s Company ruled the airwaves. Ultimately, it honestly hurts BR25 when rewatching the series today. Sure, Star Trek had its miniskirts and pasted on alien dresses, but BR25 pushes it all a bit further somehow with the sleaziness that somehow typifies the 1970s. All of this distraction aside, Buck Rogers In The 25th Century is still a fun show to watch. 

Let’s be honest. BR25 is not, like I think I mentioned, high concept science fiction. There are not moral dilemmas to examine or cultural clashes. There are space pirates that need to be fought, raider bases to be bombed and slave girls to be rescued. There are comedy relief robots (who thankfully take over from Buck the responsibilities of dropping hip 1970s slang that future folk do not understand), amazing electronic devices and lots of lasers. 

One of the real strengths of BR25 is its production values. While the costuming is dated, the special effects hold up fairly well. There are some beautiful matte paintings to represent the ruins of old America and the city of New Chicago. Although some of the handheld props are kind of funny (many of the laser sidearms are bulky and clunky and there is at least micro computer that is obviously a re-dressed calculator), the model work for the space scenes is quite good. As with Battlestar Galactica, Larson’s other big science fiction show of the period, there is a strong design sense. Earth ships are very different from space pirates and other threats. Because it is model work, the space sequences hold up surprisingly well, too. 

The show boasted a fair amount of quality guests, too. There was obviously a  high amount of importance attached to the show because it attracted people such as Peter Graves, Woody Strode and Jack Palance. Early on Buster Crabbe, who played both Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon decades earlier, made an appearance. Veteran Batman baddies Cesar Romero, Julie Newmar and Frank Gorshin all guest star in episodes, as do Sid Haig, Jerry Orbach and Roddy McDowell. Jamie Lee Curtis, Morgan Brittany and Markie Post all make appearances along the way and Mel Blanc provides the voice of Twiki the robot throughout the series.

The most appealing part of BR25 is, for me, the core strength of old fashioned science fiction adventures. The good guys are good, the bad guys are bad. There are wrongs to be righted, nefarious plots to thwart and, sorry ladies, damsels in distress. It does not even feel the need to prove that 1970s American values and ideas are superior to anything found in the future. BR25 is a thoroughly 1970s take on pulp adventure without trying to be anything else.

Buck Rogers In The 25th Century has been great fun for me to rewatch so far and I have already decided to acquire the rest of the series. I was shocked to discover that is actually only one other season and it was shortened by a writers strike. This will also undoubtedly lead me to purchase the complete series of the original Battlestar Galactica as well. If I am really caught up in a frenzy of excitement, I might even throw down a few bucks for Galactica 1980, too. 

But probably not.

Let’s Talk About Tacos (& News)

So this is a departure from our usual little chats. Let’s talk for a second about tacos, okay? Don’t act like you have something better to do. You are the one cruising the Internet looking at random blogs… let’s face it: you are probably being paid to do something a little more productive right now, aren’t you? So let’s talk about tacos for a bit, shall we? Then I have a little news.

Hey Michael, you say, aren’t you a guy that writes about people fighting and stuff? Yes, yes I am. Shouldn’t you be working on your next book? Probably. Why are you going on about tacos then? Authors got to eat, too. I am know expert, but I am pretty sure that Shakespeare, Hemingway and Bob Kane all ate. And they still had time to write Othello, The Sun Also Rises and create Batman. No eating, no Batman. Think about that for a minute… a world without Batman.

Once the whole celiacs thing came up a while back my life changed. Mainly for the best, of course. Obviously since it turned out I had to avoid gluten (not to be trendy but to avoid mood changes, arthritis like joint pain, breathing issues and a slew of hilariously entertaining gut and bowel issues) my diet changed, too. Out was stout, which was harsh, and licorice. Did you know that licorice is made out of wheat flour? How crazy is that? Anyway, tacos moved up the list because they are pretty easy to make and avoid gluten without getting too weird. You could be eating gluten free tacos without even realizing it… there aren’t many gluten free dishes that can claim that.

So tacos, and their very close relative nachos, are pretty awesome. They are versatile. Need something vegetarian? Tacos. Gluten free? Tacos. Straight up normal? Tacos. Need to skip meat for Lent? Fish tacos. Tofu tacos. Bean tacos. Seriously, tacos are like the perfect food.

But I am not here to sell you on the amazingosity (I don’t care how thickly AutoCorrect underlines that… I believe it is a real word) of tacos. I am pretty sure you know how tacos are since it is the 21st century and all. What I want to talk about is how to make your tacos even more awesome. Let me tell you a secret: tacos are the perfect platform to go all fusion cuisine without any real training or idea what the hell you are doing. Trust me, I don’t know what the hell I am doing. I just know I like to eat and eat well. Here are my taco tips. Four ways to make your next dinner forty times better.

Tip 1: Get saucy. Before you hit your tacos with some jarred salsa or lame hot sauce that may or may not originate in New York City take a second to survey your refrigerator. This is you chance to go a little crazy and get all Food Channel. Make your taco like normal and then hit it with something special. Dig into your Asian food stuff and try sweet and sour sauce, duck sauce or some fish sauce. Nice! If you are going light, especially if you are heavy of the lettuce and veggies, try a splash of rice wine vinegar. My favorite is a good sweet chili sauce. It is like a jalapeño jelly but, frankly, easier to find in the supermarket. It is spicy like you want in a taco with a little sweet kick. Beautiful. 

But I don’t have anything like that, you say. You aren’t off the hook just because you don’t know where the closest international grocery store is (which, by the way, you should find). Try barbecue sauce. I love barbecue sauce on tacos… it is Tex Mex at its purest. Live a little! Get crazy. Another favorite of mine is tamarind and date chutney on a taco. So good! You will find that in the Indian food section. 

Tip 2: Lettuce is boring. Nothing is wrong with lettuce. I like lettuce but you can spruce up your taco with other stuff. In fact, keep the lettuce for a minute but add some of this stuff. Grate some jicama for a nice crunch. Jicama is pretty easier to find… it is like a big turnip or some crap. I don’t know what it is, but it is kind of a raw potato/water chestnut consistency. It is better raw than potato, though. You know what? If you are going Asian, why not throw in some water chestnuts? Grate some carrots or radish, too. These all add a new texture and dimension to the vegetable side of your tacos.

Want to really switch it up? Cabbage instead of lettuce. I prefer cabbage to lettuce because it has more body and it stands up to the other ingredients, at least in my opinion. You can even use cabbage leaves as a tortilla substitute in a pinch, but I honestly think that is going too far. I also am not a fan of cole slaw, but if you are then I bet you would love it in your taco. 

I have saved the best vegetable upgrade for last and that it cucumbers. Dice’s up and throw’em in for a real brightener to your taco. It is that simple: just add cucumber. If you have a little more time, though, you can make an awesome fresh salsa alternative with some diced cucumber and tomato, tossed in a little vinegar (I prefer the rice wine, but other vinegars work) with some coarse salt and maybe a little feta or parmesan cheese. If you make that before you start cooking and just let it sit a bit then you have a kind of simple pickle salsa. Good stuff. Another great add in to this salsa brings us to our next tip.

Tip 3: Bacon brings the umami. Bacon is awesome. It is full of that hard to describe umami flavor… but tacos already tend to have umami. Tomatoes, for example, are among the umami foods. So are beef and chicken. So are certain cheeses. Bacon just tops it all off. If you don’t try anything else I say, throw some damn bacon on your standard tacos and enjoy. What? You are all for making your taco into an umami bomb but you don’t eat meat? Mushrooms.

Tip 4: No more clones. Nobody (normal) eats just one taco. That’s really messed up. But just because you are making a plate with two or three or five tacos does not mean that you need to production line out a bunch of identical products. Try different sauces, vegetables or whatever on the same plate. Make a taco like you always have and then slap it down side by side with ones sporting chutney, sweet chili paste and that fresh cucumber, tomato and bacon salsa I was just talking about. It is like a taco sampler. It doesn’t get better than that.

Dads: next time it is your turn to cook, make tacos.Better yet, if you normally don’t do the cooking then step up and volunteer to make tacos. Take an extra 15 minutes and break out all the sauces you can find in the kitchen, dice up some cucumbers, tomatoes and whatever other vegetable you can find. Let everyone in the family make their own taco creations. It will be a hit. Then, to celebrate, grab a copy of The Grand Tournament on Amazon (available in paperback or Kindle edition).

And now, the news. I promised you a little news and here it is. I am writing a new book that is not connected to The Grand Tournament in any way (other than the fact I wrote’em both). I have had some hold ups (extended jury duty, the sudden news that we are going to be moving across the state, some family stuff) while working on it and it is shaking my rhythm… I am back at it but not ready to talk too much about it yet. I am taking a break from the book, though, to put out a prequel novella to The Grand Tournament. I hope to have it ready and out by the end of April and I am determined to release it for free. So if you have read and enjoyed The Grand Tournament (and most of you seem to enjoy it) then you are going to want to read this novella! And if you aren’t sure that a kung fu movie you can read is your type of book, the new story will let you figure out if this is your genre for free. 

All I can say is that the novella is set many years before The Grand Tournament, you don’t have to have already read The Grand Tournament to follow the novella and the new story will not ruin The Grand Tournament in any way. All new characters in an all new adventure that I am tentatively calling The Mountain Tiger… which may tip off some readers to what it is about. Stay tuned to the blog for news on when The Mountain Tiger will be released. Better yet, visit SwordsAndRayguns.com and sign up for the mailing list. I will probably announce it there first because I don’t do much with the mailing list and announcing new releases seems like a good idea, doesn’t it?

I Love A Mystery! (Since When?)

It’s almost spring and I kind of feel like winter never really came. Sure, we had some snow and a few cold nights but I don’t think we dropped below zero or kept snow on the ground for a solid week. Pretty lame, really. I like winter. I like the room being cold when I am trying to sleep. I like seeing my breath drift through the air. I love the fact that I can always put on more clothes… the heat isn’t like that, you know. You can be naked and still be hot (and probably sunburned). Plus the summer brings allergies and bugs. No mosquitoes in the winter… at least not in the midwest. We don’t even have the heat on. Hell, I can’t remember when it was on. What a crap winter.

Plenty going on, though. I am working on a new book. Everything is working against me, though, including three weeks of jury duty. We are also preparing to move to a whole new city. Still in the midwest, though, so don’t worry. Y’all might think that it is flyover country and that is fine. Just keep flying over and stay out of our way! I am getting back in the groove now and hope to have more news on the book soon. It is something very different than The Grand Tournament but I think if you liked TGT you will be intrigued with the new one… even though it is not wuxia inspired. 

So I kind of promised myself that I wouldn’t write blogs, especially when I have books and stories I should be writing, unless i had something to say. I have something to share with y’all and as fellow readers you might be a bit interested. It seems that in my old age, I have become a fan of mystery novels. Except that I am pretty sure that I hate mystery novels. I hate mysteries. I hate not knowing things. I don’t like cop shows, I don’t like true crime stories or Netflix documentaries that analyze court cases. I am not a fan of Agatha Christie or even, really, Sherlock Holmes. Everybody on the whole damn train stabbed him? Are you freaking kidding me? That doesn’t happen. Someone shoots you in the street for the $16 in your pocket and your six year old iPhone 4. No real mystery about that… no riddle as to how this could have happened. Just have to figure out which of the many people around willing to end a life for a twenty dollar bill the poor victim happened to run across. How did someone get into this secure building and manage to poison a victim with a odorless, colorless tasteless substance that can’t be traced and leave the corpse in a room locked from the inside? Don’t care… unless it was ninjas. Ninjas are cool.

But I do like Raymond Chandler stories and Dashiell Hammett, too. I love Chester Morris Boston Blackie movies and Dick Powell in the Richard Diamond radio series. I don’t see these as mysteries, though, I see them as detective stories. Craig Johnson’s Walt Longmire books have me hooked and I absolutely love Lindsey Davis’ Marcus Didius Falco series (he is a smart mouthed, hard boiled detective working the mean streets of the post-Nero Roman Empire)… but again, I see these as detective stories more than mysteries. But they must be mysteries because as I re-read the Falco books I notice that they all say A Marcus Didius Falco Mystery on the cover. Plus, Amazon keeps suggesting all kinds of mystery novels for me. Hey! How about The Rivals Of Sherlock Holmes, a collection of other Victorian detectives. No thanks. So what, exactly, is it that I like if they are mysteries… but not mysteries? I think I figured it out.

As a magician, I learned a long time ago that I don’t like magic tricks. Hold on, it makes sense when I explain. You know that whole street magic “Want to see something cool?” approach or the stage illusionists who come out, don’t say much but awkwardly dance around the stage, shove a girl in a box, do something unspeakable to her and then suddenly she’s fine? I don’t like that kind of thing, I don’t like that puzzle presentation, that “I dare you to guess how I did that” attitude. I like Harry Anderson coming out and talking a load of crap and at some point along the way he has a needle through his arm or his pants around his ankles to show you his knee operated mechanical claw. I like Penn and Teller with their ballyhoo. I love a good kid show magician who is teaching the young audience a lesson that is emphasized with magic. I like the story…

In too many mystery novels, the mystery is presented as a grand puzzle. That is why they are called “who done its.” I don’t usually give a crap who did it… I do not want to compete with the characters to figure out what is going on. I want to go along on the ride while the detective looks for justice, while worrying about how he is going to pay the rent and tries to find the perfect birthday gift for his mother. A mystery presented with an emphasis on the mystery is like that street magician who leads with “Want to see something cool?” Don’t dazzle me with the complexities of the amazing conspiracy that went on behind this crime. Don’t offer me a puzzle, because I do not care and if there is some amazingly contrived Rube Goldberg mechanism that explains all of the far flung and wild clues I am not impressed by the cleverness. I am annoyed by the silliness. 

Right now I am re-reading the Marcus Didius Falco book not to relive the murders and plots in ancient Rome but because I genuinely like Falco. I would follow his adventures on a long shopping trip just to enjoy his snide comments and world weary optimism. I want a good story that just happens to have some kind of mystery in the middle of everything. Maybe it isn’t even a mystery at all… some of my favorites are when we all already know who did it but just have to catch them. 

Does that all make sense? I am rambling, aren’t I? Aww, well, that is what blogs are for, aren’t they? So, yeah, Amazon. I guess I do read mysteries. Keep suggesting them if you want, but make sure that they offer me more to think about than “How’d they do that?”

Where The Hell Have You Been?

Jury duty… for like two weeks. 

Did you know that they expect you to show up every day at like 9 in the morning? That’s insane. It is delaying the new book and seriously cutting into my Nintendo time.

Sigh.

The Best Show On TV (2015 Edition, According To Me)

Let’s talk TV for a minute while I finish this beer. 2015 was kind of a rough year for TV. Personally, I have thought a couple of long term favorites (namely The Walking Dead and Doctor Who V2.0) were slipping the last season or so. They have still been worth watching (although one is pushing it, especially after its dismal spin-off) but they were no longer head and shoulders above the crowd. Supergirl has been pretty good, but it is not so good that I can’t let a few pile up on the DVR before watching them. I re-discovered Arrow (after my daughters abandoned it during the first season) and The Flash. They are fine shows and I am really excited about Legends Of Tomorrow, but again, they are not great…. and by great I mean something with broad appeal. Something I can watch, my wife can watch, my kids and even my mother in law can watch and enjoy. I don’t see gramma getting all into Oliver and Felicity.

I am a ninjas and giant robots kind of guy. I love the Shaw Brothers martial arts films on El Rey. None of that should be a surprise. I am almost giddy due to the fact that my area added Buzzr, the all game show network, and Comet, the science fiction channel, to the local digital substations. These little networks have transformed television… I mean, I now get more channels over the air than I did from my first cable company (plus I have satellite). It is on these little networks that I get to watch true classics such as Jack Benny and Burns and Allen, not to mention Star Trek, Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Svengoolie. Now that Antenna TV is showing classic episodes of Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show (although they can’t use the name) every night, I really can find something to watch on free TV at almost any time.

And the best show on television is on regular old over the air TV. It does not have ninjas, avenging monks, kaiju monsters. space battles or even magicians. It doesn’t even have violence. It is on PBS, it has been consistently good over four seasons and has survived the loss of the main character (who actually portrayed the woman on whose real life the series is based). What is this masterpiece? Call The Midwife. A BBC production aired on PBS in the States (you can find it on Netflix as well), the series follows the nurses and nuns engaged in midwifery in the East End of London circa 1960. I know, it may not sound like much or, worse yet, it may sound like a soap opera. It is important to remember that it is based on Jenny Worth’s books about her experiences as a young East End midwife in the late 1950′s. Worth sadly passed away around the time the series began airing, but she was able to help prepare the show and even helped to assemble the cast (she is said to have contacted the comic actress Miranda Hart, whose sitcom Miranda is also must view television, to play one of the nurses because Hart reminded her so strongly of her friend). 

In addition to Miranda Hart, the show’s cast boasts Jenny Agutter, Pam Ferris, Judy Parfitt, Cliff Parisi, Vanessa Redgrave (voice overs only) and relative newcomers Jessica Raine, Helen George, Bryony Hannah and so many others. I realize that if you have enjoyed my book or stories, you are probably saying to yourself “Huh?” But trust me, it is really a fine show. And Stephen McGann, brother of Paul “The Eighth Doctor” McGann, plays the local doctor so that is a tenuous connection to something you would expect me to recommend… and serious Doctor Who fans will recognize Jessica Raine from her appearance on the show and as Verity Lambert from An Adventure In Time and Space.

As long as I am going on about Call The Midwife, I really should throw in a mention of the books. As much as I love a good pulp space opera or tale of sword and sorcery, I am a huge fan of nonfiction. Jenny Worth’s memoirs about her time in the East End are simply incredible reads. Between the social changes of the time and the work being done, Mrs. Worth lead a truly amazing life and she is an engaging storyteller. Again, I know this may not be the type of recommendation you expect from a guy who essentially wrote a kung fu movie disguised as a book but give Call The Midwife, either the show or the book, a try.

Thanks And Merry Christmas!

I am sick, which is not unusual during a cool and then warm again December for someone with a crappy immune system. Still, I poked my head out from under the blankets (well, the snoring bulldog pulled the blankets off me; bulldogs are not known for sharing) and noticed that even though I have not really been promoting it or doing much, I am still selling copies of The Grand Tournament. It really makes the perfect holiday read… if your idea of the perfect holiday read has nothing to do with the holidays and includes lots of martial arts and (to quote Black Dynamite) “kung fu treachery!” I just wanted to take a minute between dog snores and sneezing fits to thank everyone who purchased The Grand Tournament or read it through their Kindle Unlimited or Kindle Lending Library privileges. I am still flabbergasted that I have sold books in multiple countries and have seen paperbacks turn up from another country on eBay! Crazy, huh? I hope you all enjoy it (and if you do enjoy it please consider a rating or review on Amazon or Goodreads).

Just for the record, as I am sick I am re-reading the Falco novels by Lindsey Davis. If you have never read these you really should seek them out. I am not a huge fan of “mystery novels,” but I do enjoy a good “detective novel.” That means that I am not a huge fan of say an Agatha Christie but I do enjoy Dashiell Hammett. Ellery Queen, no. Raymond Chandler, yes. The Falco novels are hardboiled detective novels in the classic sense and in the classical world! Marcus Didius Falco walks the mean streets of Vespasian era Rome navigating dangerous dames, corrupt officials and violent thugs with the best of’em. In between those (as it turns out that I am still missing a few hardcover editions that I promptly ordered) I have been reading a cool little volume that Barnes and Noble put out almost two decades ago called Reel Future. Edited by the legendary Forrest J. Ackerman, the book collects the short stories that inspired some of the best science fiction movies. I was inspired to find this book after a recent midnight showing of They Live at the Hi-Pointe Theatre in St. Louis. As many times as I have seen They Live, I never read the story that inspired it, Eight O’Clock In The Morning by Ray Faraday Nelson (reputedly the inventor of the propellor beanie). Although very different and very short, the story did not disappoint. Other stories in the book inspired The Tenth Victim, Death Race 2000, Total Recall and Damnation Alley… great stuff and much of it was somehow not yet in my library.

So if you need something to read, find Marcus Didius Falco’s first adventure The Silver Pigs (you HAVE to read Falco stories in order, by the way) or the Reel Future anthology. If you are a commuter you may want to check out the BBC audio plays based on the Falco stories starring the marvelous Anton Lesser. And if you need something to watch, there is always They Live. White Christmas, which I also recently caught at the Hi-Pointe during an annual holiday showing, is another good option. Bing, Danny Kaye, Vera Ellen and Rosemary Clooney (who did the singing for Vera Ellen as well) team up to make one of my favorite Christmas movies (second only to Bing and Astaire in Holiday Inn). Hey! You can’t live off of kung fu movies alone, you know.

For those wondering, I am working on a new book and I am mulling over some new stories related to The Grand Tournament. First I have to kick this cold, though. And maybe get a propellor beanie. If anyone knows where to get one of fairly decent quality please let me know. That’s not a joke, I am serious; I would rock that like never before rocked. 

Yeah, I am getting to that point where I am rambling like your great uncle with a few free drinks in him. Probably time to cut this short.

Stay tuned, keep reading and have a great new year. Thanks again!

I Love You Abby Wambach

So I decided to start a blog because pretty much everything and everyone says that once you start releasing fiction and trying to build an audience, you need a blog. But the thing that doesn’t makes so much sense to me (and why I don’t write very many blog posts) is that if I am writing, shouldn’t I be working on some of that previously mentioned fiction? Doesn’t that make sense? Exactly. Plus, in addition to my fiction (The Grand Tournament, now available on Amazon, and a free stories on my website SwordsAndRayguns.com) I write regularly for websites like iTricks, ShaolinChamber36 and PodcastUFO. Still, I realize that I should do more blog posts so I figure if there is anything that I have to say that doesn’t fit in a book, short story or websites about magic, kung fu movies or UFOs (subjects near to my heart for various reasons) then it will end up here.

Today, as it happens, I have something to say. The new Star Wars movie comes out today and that is taking up a huge amount of media attention… which is hardly unexpected when you consider it is a Star Wars movie with Disney PR muscle behind it. There is something really, really important in the entertainment world that happened last night that is not getting nearly enough attention. Number 20 retired.

Number 20, for those who do not know. was Abby Wambach. When it comes to American soccer, not just women’s soccer, she is an absolute legend. Two time gold medalist, World Cup champion and in her 14 years with the national team she scored 184 goals in international play. 184! She scored almost 80 with her head and that alone would be enough to be in the top ten goal scorers list. She is devoid of scandal. She doesn’t throw fits or cause problems. Abby preaches hard work. She advocates for the advancement of women’s soccer, women in sports, the elimination of homophobia and transphobia and she is on Time’s list of 100 Most Influential People. Abby Wambach is someone I can point my daughters towards and say “There is a hero.”

I have looked for heroes for my daughters since they were born… I wasn’t ready for girls (I readily admit) and wasn’t sure how to handle it once they started doing things like walking and talking. So I treated them pretty much like I think I would have treated boys. Let’s watch Jackie Chan and Justice League cartoons. Oh, you liked Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (that was when they were a touch older)? Then let’s watch Pei Pei Cheng when she was the young heroine in Come Drink With Me. While we are at it, let’s check out these Kara Hui movies. Girls can be tough. Batman is cool, but there is a whole  bunch to be said for Black Canary. How about Zatanna? She’s awesome and if you think she is cool in the comic books, let’s dig out these old pictures of Nani Darnell and check out today’s real female magicians like Arian Black and Suzanne. I tried to find them heroes both imagined and real. When it comes to sports, I like things with punching and I like soccer. (St. Louis is, for the record, very much a soccer town.) Luckily, in both fighting and soccer there are great female competitors. But my girls are not huge fans of sport fighting.

Enter Abby Wambach. She is nothing short of inspirational to young athletes, especially girls everywhere, when they look over her career. But the greatest thing she did, the greatest contribution to soccer and sports so far (and, yes, despite her retirement from playing I say so far) was her farewell to her fans and the game yesterday in a very simple Tweet:

Make them forget me.

Not a thank you, not a celebration but a request that the new generation of athletes push women’s soccer so far that she becomes a footnote. And the thing that makes Abby Wambach so damn special is that given everything she has done and given everything she has said over the years, you can believe that she means it. 

So screw Star Wars which at its core is the story of heroes, like Luke Skywalker, born to greatness. Sure, stories like that have their place but give me a hero like Abby Wambach who begs those following her to surpass her.

Thank you, Abby. Thank you for four incredible World Cup runs, for two gold medal Olympics and, most of all, for giving this dad a real hero for his daughters.

Internet Radio Appearance Wednesday!

What are you doing Wednesday night? Avoiding the relatives that you are going to be forced to spend too much time with on Thursday? Killing time until it is late enough to go out and hang with all your buddies that are in town for the holidays but have to spend a little family time before hitting the bars? Cooking?

Well, whatever your Thanksgiving Eve looks like, check me out on Podcast UFO from 8 to 10 PM Eastern, which is streamed all over the world on The Dark Matter Digital Network (except for places like North Korea, which sucks because I am pretty sure I am huge in North Korea). If nothing else, it’ll be fun to listen to me try to go two hours without dropping an F bomb. Seriously, that is a long ass time.

There may just be a mention of how to get a free short story, too…