Hosanna Emily's Blog, page 12

Trust in Your Weapon

I believe the Bible.  I always have.  Or at least I thought I did.
Last week, I faced a lot of lies, and I was quickly overwhelmed by anxiety.  I feared the future.  I feared the present.  I feared life itself.
And when I opened my Bible, the words there told me something completely different.  But, staring at the pages, I had to decide if I believed them.

   

I will wait for You, O You his Strength; For God is my defense. My God of mercy shall come to meet me; God shall let me see my desire on my enemies.

- Psalm 59:9-10

God is my defense.  I took a deep breath.
He will come to meet me.  Then why was I scared of the other things?
He will let me see my desire on my enemies.  But what if that wasn't true?
I stared at the page and fought.  Sometimes I still fight.  I fight to believe, to accept, to let it transform my life.
If we truly believed the Bible, our lives would be radically different.
We say we believe.  We think we do.  But do we live like it?

How could we fear when He promises to never leave us nor forsake us?  (Heb.13:5) 

How could we not share the Gospel when it's commanded so openly?  (Mark 16:15) 

How could we not rejoice when the God of the Universe is singing over us?  (Zeph. 3:17) 

How could we say we don't have time to memorize, read the Bible, pray, when that's our weapon against this horrible enemy who wants to steal, kill, and destroy us?  (Eph. 6:10-20) 

If the Bible is true, why am I afraid?
Maybe sometimes I don't really believe it.
It's like we have this sword, and we're trying to fight.  But we don't really think it's strong enough.  We wave it, try to scare the enemy away, but we're too afraid to actually hit him.
The Bible is our weapon.
Go dig into one of the Psalms and find those promises.  Read Revelation and revel in the immense glory of Who God is.  Explore the Old Testament stories and see His hand.
The Bible is true.  That means these are also true:
You are loved with an everlasting love (Jer. 31:3).  God treads down our enemies (Psalm 60:12).  He has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).  We fight against spiritual hosts of wickedness that must be fought by truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, the Word of God, and prayer (Eph. 6:10-20).
This is serious.
If you believe the Bible, your life has to change.  We're in a war zone, and we're not going down easily.
That's what I had to decide - I'm going to believe.  I'm going to stop reading the Bible as a book and read it as Truth.
Dear friend, don't let anything hold you back.  Read the Word as truth.  Believe it.  Memorize it.  Pray it.  Abide in it.
Seek Jesus, and He will be found.  We can't do this on our own.
What promises has He revealed to you?  What struggles do you face?  Let's fight this together.

  

As the mountains surround Jerusalem, So the Lord surrounds His people From this time forth and forever.

- Psalm 125:2

For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

- Hebrews 4:12 

~♥~

The Torch Keepers || a mock cover

Okay, so first I'll give you the cover, and then we'll be wordy.   =)

 

I. Have. A. Mock. Cover!!

Sorry, I just thought this design was perfect from the time I first laid eyes on it.  That beautiful fire?!  My graphic designer, Alea Harper, has been amazing through this process, and I'm stoked to share this pre-cover!!
The real cover is even better, but that's for later.  *evil author laughter*
And - another quick update - I re-vamped my "books" page where you can find info, synopsis, and mock covers for all three books - The Mystery of the Midnight Trespasser , along with my two WIPs, The Torch Keepers  and Emblem of Hope!!  Official covers and info coming soon!
But 'til then...
Recently, I've been listening to Hawk Nelson's song, "He Still Does (Miracles)."  And, apart from the way the words inspire me, it gave me a question.
What's a miracle?
I usually think of something big.  Like publishing a book.  For me, that's some huge endeavor that I honestly can't do successfully on my own.
Your miracle might be different.  It could be the healing that brings peace to your home.  Or funds that you desperately need, a night without tears, some way to change the way things are, get rid of the stress.
But what if those big miracles aren't the only ones?
As I pursue publishing, there have been a lot of little miracles.  Alea making me beautiful designs.  Friends offering to help, sharing their insight.  Me reading over something I wrote long ago that gives me all the feels.
God works.  But too often, we push Him, command Him to give us some big, obvious sign when the world is seriously littered with a million miracles all around us.
Sometimes we need to stop seeking some huge change and realize that He is already working.
This quote inspired me,

We look for visions from heaven and for earth-shaking events to see God's power... yet we never realize that all the time God is at work in our everyday events and in the people around us.

- Oswald Chambers

God hasn't given me some awesome, Biblical passage to summarize these thoughts... although I'd love if you shared some on your heart!  These are just some ramblings from a girl seeking to find God.  But now it's your turn.
Dear friend, what miracles has He given you?  What ones do you continue to pray for?  How can I join you in that prayer?
The mock cover reminds me that God has control over Step 1.  My official cover is almost done, but I don't want to worry and stress about that.  He is writing my life story.  And He still does miracles.

For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.

- 2 Corinthians 1:20

~♥~ 

What's Coming Up?

Um, so yeah, I'm excited.  And maybe a little overwhelmed.
God has been revealing these little dreams, this next part of my life, and some of them are starting.  I'm going to leave out the whole story and share highlights (but I'll spill more in the comments to those who want it *cough*).




  

Next month, my last college classes are over.

And then what comes next?  I spent time seeking Jesus, searching for His way in my life.  And slowly, He answered.
Okay, rabbit trail here.  God literally speaks to us.  Did you realize that?  I didn't for a long time, until my brother shared how he asked God a question, and He actually answered it.  Me, being slightly jealous, thought I'd do the same.  And I did.
When we ask and truly seek His answers, God speaks.  Maybe not loudly or obviously sometimes, but when we seek Him with all our heart, He promises to be found (Jeremiah 29:13).
If you're in that place, just ask.  Just seek Him.  His answers blow me away.
Back to the post.  *straightens*
A year and a half ago, God gave me a story.  In the summer, I wrote it, titled The Torch Keepers, and, since then, have been working on the sequel.
And now it's time for final polishing, designing, and publishing!
I'm going to be self-publishing The Torch Keepers this summer!
I'm currently working with an excellent graphic designer to finalize the cover, and - very soon - will be sharing a mock cover she put together before we announce the official cover release!
And, also, I'll be contacting a handful of close friends as my last beta readers before I work on interior design so I can begin the publishing process!  And then comes the fun things.  Sneak peaks.  Character profiles.  The final synopsis and cover and release days!

  

So where do you come in?

First, pray please?  When the Lord guided me towards self-publishing, I nearly screamed with excitement, but it also comes with a ton of work.  And He has been bringing me the most amazing people to aid and guide me.  But continued prayer for peace, for me to seek the Lord, to create the book He wants written.
Second, I'd love help!  If you're a graphic designer, editor, reader, anyone, I want you to be a part of this.  Slip me an email, and I'd be thrilled to see how you can help.  Seriously.  I can't do this on my own.
And also, diving into self-publishing again means I'm revamping my blog.  There's a new design up, and some other things currently under work.
Dear friend, you have been such an encouragement to me.  God has huge plans for your life.  I'm slowly starting to see Him piece things together for my future, and this adventure's going to be crazy.  I can't do it.
But He can.  And that's all that matters.
So hello, February and all these months are going to bring!  I'm going to be self-publishing a book that God put on my heart.  Where is He bringing you?
(ps)  And stay warm these days.  I'm looking at these pictures I took in Florida and missing that.  But this snow is awesome, and inspiring to my author brain.  =)

   

...Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

- Philippians 1:6

~♥~

We Need to Stop Making Things Complicated

Every week, I flit around and dust the windows.  It turns out that my mom is addicted to windows, so there are a lot.  But I'm addicted too.  I savor slipping to the glass and entering a new world.  Seeing the outside, the grey of winter, the way crisp grass catches the rain.
But when I'm dusting, sometimes I don't see that.  One particular windowsill is cluttered.  A dozen plants cling to the tiny frame, poking my fingers and hiding the dust under little pots.  I try to brush off the window, but the blinds are in the way.  From top to bottom, I have to dust every one.  And then sometimes there are more - hand-drawn pictures leaning against the glass, or smudges from dirt, or ladybugs that escaped the outside cold.
As I work, I forget about the transcendence of the window, and I see all the stuff in the way.  The smudges.  The clutter.
Last night, I realized something.  I do the exact same thing to Jesus.

Religion is complicated.
Honestly, sometimes it disgusts me.  All the wrong ideas of "do this" and "don't do that" are confusing.  When I read theology and dig deep into the complex structures, I often end up looking at the window blinds and missing the beauty of the window.
The blinds have a purpose.  They enhance the window, protect it, keep it cleaner.  But sometimes I just grab that little, dangling string and pull them up, out of the way.
I need to do the same thing with my walk with Jesus.  I get confused, discouraged.  All my emotions mix with things I don't understand, and I have this clutter in my life I can't escape from.  It's like I'm focusing on the tiny plants on the windowsill.  I see the cactus' spiny sides.  I touch them.  It hurts.  I bleed.
And I need to take a break, shove up those blinds, push the plants away, and just see the window.
Jesus.
That's what Christianity is.  Just Jesus.  Just loving Him, drawing close to Him, letting Him define my life.
I get consumed by what I do for Him.  And yet He wants to be my Best Friend, for me to draw near, to live loving Him.
We need to stop making things complicated.
I don't have some strong theological argument or persuasion, just this little spark that sometimes is stomped away by distraction's feet.  I want Jesus.  I love Him.  And that's enough for me.
Go study harder parts of the Bible.  Read those church fathers who write with long words that aren't in the dictionary anymore.  Dig deep, learn to defend your faith, know the ins and outs of what you believe.
But when the day ends, remember that it's not complicated.  If you're like me, stop making it confusing.
Find a psalm, read it, and find Jesus in it.
What I need sometimes isn't some elaborate sermon.  Instead, I read one verse, and it rings so true.

The LORD is my shepherd;  I shall not want.

- Psalm 23:1

My shepherd.  He knows what I need, how I fear, and lifts me in His arms to protect me.
Please don't make things complicated.  Just seek Jesus.  Seek Him through your ministry, through your Bible reading, through your prayer, through washing the dishes, through reading a book.  Don't let the clutter block you from seeing through the glass where Jesus defines your life.
Start with a psalm, and read it to find Jesus, not to read the story.
Because you're so, so loved.  And He wants to be your Best Friend.

   

He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.

- Psalm 23:3

~♥~

This is Why You Fight || a short story

    

Those arching doors spread above you as if you’re entering a palace, but it’s not. Instead, they swallow you up, and you’re lost. 
With a sweep of air, the mall doors close. Your feet find stone, smooth and spreading so far it disappears. But you don’t really look that far anyway. Instead you see a dozen other doors, all opening from this passage. And inside them are lights flashing, smells bursting, noise rustling. 
Children run by, screaming. They dart into one of the stores and are hidden behind rows of clothes and shoes and purses.
There are a hundred other people in the mall, just like you. But none of them see. They walk and talk and point and are consumed by the noise and lights. In their eyes, you see reflections of glitter as they carry purses and raise their painted faces. 
As you walk through the hall, they brush your shoulder. Someone runs past you and darts to keep from tripping. They don’t see you though. All those eyes are turned downward when your gaze meets their face. They rush into stores and hide in dressing rooms. They spend money and go on all the rides. And then they grab a meal and leave, never really opening their eyes to what’s around them. 
But you do. 
You see them. You see that woman with sunken cheeks who tries to hide it by makeup. She carries a bag on each arm and eases herself onto the escalator. When she rises, she only holds onto the bag and stares straight ahead. 
And you see that man, the way he brushes a hand through his hair and eats from a steaming platter. But his face is turned towards the merry-go-round where children grasp onto silvery poles and giggle on the hard horses that turn for the thousandth time. You wonder what he thinks as he sees them. If he remembers those days when he was allowed to play, to dream. 
Or that couple who laughs as they push their baby in a stroller. They run through all the mall's shops and eat all the food and see all the lights. But when they pause, those smiles fade. The façade slips. And you see the lines in their forehead. The way the woman turns her face from her husband’s. His shoulders falling. Her lips tightening. 
They all have stories. You try to see them, wonder what their life truly holds. The sunken cheeks—do they tell tales of long nights by a hospital bed, begging for someone to give a different answer? Or the eyes watching the merry-go-round spin—do they remember a time when another child laughed and played before he grew old and left home? The hesitating smiles—behind closed doors, do they turn to tears? 
But no one sees them. No one knows. And even if they did, no one would care. 
You do. 
It builds in you like a volcano. A wildfire burns in your chest, and you want to run, to shout, to scream. To tell them that there’s hope. That they have a purpose. That they are loved. 
Because if you don’t, will they never know? What if you’re the only person that can tell them? 
But your feet clasp onto the hard ground. In a crowd of a thousand, you are one small voice. On a beach of sand, you are one grain trying to shove the waves away. 
Shoulders brush yours. Eyes glance past you. Voices dance around you. 
But they never know you’re there. When you slip out of those arching doors, they don’t know. Their lives go on, living in those flashing lights until they too must slip out of the make-believe world they think is real. 
And then they feel it. 
The cold. The shadows of a night where no stars shine. Leaving behind the smells and tastes to return to the real world where life is hard, and pain is real. 
When that happens, will they remember to hope? 
You trudge through the grime on the sidewalks and step onto the road.  There are puddles lining the cement, leaves littering the ground.  Your feet get wet as you find your car. Ice has settled on the windshield, or maybe it’s just the dew that stiffens like the coldness inside you. 
Your hand finds the key, but it freezes your fingers. When you look back at the mall doors, you see through them to the noises and laughter and fake smiles. 
And the tears fall because you were there and couldn’t save them or tell them the truth. Even if you did, would they listen? 
A car’s light flash beside you. You stop. Open the door. Slip into the cold again. 
There’s someone there, a woman trying to open the car door with slipping gloves. Her hands stumble. She lets out her breath, leans against the car, and her hair slips into her eyes. 
You step forward and open the door for her. For a second, your eyes meet, and they really see. 
She nods, smiles. That time, it isn’t fake. 
And then you part. She drives through the darkness; you slip back into the car. As the key turns, you stop and remember. 
You are one grain on a shore of a billion, and you can’t stop the waves from breaking. But maybe, in that moment, you helped one grain of sand escape just a step further away. 
Even though the lights will flash and blind so many, maybe you can love just one. Perhaps a hug or one small word could bring the hope that one aching soul needs. 
The car turns off. You enter the cold and run.
Run through the puddles.  Run towards those arching doors. You let them swallow you up. Even with those empty hands, you face the enemy and fight because nothing can stop you, and you have a purpose bigger than those lights and empty faces. 
It’s not because of who you are. A grain of sand can’t fight the coming storm. But you hear this voice calling you to something bigger, something grander than what the world says you can do. 
I am with you.
So you fight.
~♥~

Say "Goodbye" to Welcome "Hello"

     

Happy New Year, dear friends!

I wish I could sit down with you right now and hear your story.  Share life.  I wish you could tell me all about your New Year celebration, your goals, your dreams, the future you imagine God leading you into.
I wish we could share about 2018.  The hurt we felt.  The tears that fell.  The moments that pain eased away, and we rejoiced in celebrations and victories and joys!  The times we couldn't help but dance because we were just overwhelmed by God's grace!
If we were walking through the woods by my house as we looked back on the past year, I'd bring you to my favorite place.  Where the trees break to let a small creek flow between two smooth rocks, we'd sit and dangle our feet in the water.  Or, if it's a breezy, cold day, we might stand there, stomping our feet, silhouetted against the dormant rose bushes.
I'd share the victories and joys - friends becoming neighbors, welcoming a new baby into the family, making new friends at the Glory Writers retreat, a graduation, a relative healing from her cancer, writing The Torch Keepers with the Lord's guidance and seeing Him use it to win a contest, and those overwhelmingly beautiful times of worship.  Even the little things - those notes in the mail, the challenges God helped me overcome, the changes in life.
But there were hard things too.  Long, mundane semesters of school.  Phone calls announcing someone on the verge between life and death.  Those dry times where I feel far from God.  The months of fighting cancer over with the gentle, last breath.  Tears.  More deaths.
If we were talking alone, I'd tell you that 2018 was beautiful and hard and tearful and victorious.  In it, I learned the beauty of peace, glory, love, surrender.  And I learned that no matter what, God. is. good.
As the New Year slips around, I'm looking back with so many emotions building up in my chest.  I won't forget the memories.  But I still have to say goodbye, like I did to those people who slipped from this earth into Heaven.
Yet it's okay.  Because without "goodbye" there would be no "hello."

   

I want to dance with Jesus into 2019.
To seek Him fully, love Him fully, trust Him fully.  I want Him to direct these goals and dreams that grow in my heart.
No matter what comes in 2019, I trust Him.  As I say goodbye to an old year and welcome a new one, I embrace the adventures to come.  The hard things.  The challenges.  The victories.
And even the tears.
Dear friend, if I took your hand in mine and lead you through our creek, we'd find ourselves surrounded on both sides by trees.  And then, after swinging on the vine that drapes across the water, the trees would distance.  A little clearing opens to our left.  Around it, there are these stones that peek at us like the edge of the mountain.
There's a log there.  I'd walk across it, trying to hold my balance.  When I got to the end without falling (obviously *cough*), I'd turn around and smile.
Friend, I love your dreams and hopes.  Your future is beautiful.  It might be stained with dirt or blood or tears, but it's beautiful if you let Jesus write your life story.
So dream away.  Scribble down the resolutions you hope to reach this next year.  But hold them lightly so Jesus can take those goals and erase the words, writing a more perfect story for you.
As we slip out of the clearing, I would lead you up the hill through ferns and moist leaves.  We'd come into my house, where a dozen people live in not-so-quietness.  The solitude would slip away as you prepared to leave.
I'd wave from our porch, saying goodbye like I'm saying to this old year.  If you never left and I never said goodbye, I couldn't say hello to welcome you again.
So goodbye, 2018.
And hello the new year with the dreams and hopes and memories to come.
Because we can't talk face to face right now, let's share in the comments.  What are your dreams for 2019?  Where did God take you in the last year, and where do you hope He takes you in the months to come?
Happy New Year, dear friend!

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”;  whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.

- James 4:13-14

You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

- James 5:8

~♥~

Shalom in Today's World

One morning as I read my Bible, I asked God a question.  The answer overwhelmed me.
It didn't come all at once.  The answer started as a word, one word, and then grew into something larger than I imagined.  It became a picture.  As all the pieces slowly fit together, I sat down here to process and share what He put in my heart.
Here's the story.

      

Once upon a time, the world was this huge, beautiful masterpiece.  Back in Eden, things were perfect (Genesis 1-2).  The little bits of glory that we find today were all unified into this grand, epic world where Jesus was everything and people literally lived in His presence (Genesis 3:8).
Fruit was juicer.  Color more vibrant.  Air more sweet.  Love more true.  Because we had Jesus.
Imagine the world as bursting with color, like the paint on a canvas that just piles up until you can't separate one color from another.  They sweep together, never ending.  They're just so huge.
But then that broke (Genesis 3).  That peace shattered into a million pieces.  Life was like a puzzle - all those shapes and colors working together as one big picture - but now it was broken into so many separate pieces.
It was as if the world became black and white.  Not everything changed, but they weren't the same.  We were left with something missing.  It's still that way today.
We hurt.  We cry.  Sometimes, life's just hard.
But, every once in a while, we see a streak of color.  A flash of red or blur of green.  It's like the stray puzzle piece that's broken in two, and we only see a portion of it.
We had peace - shalom - but we lost it.  Yet not entirely.  Because sometimes, I catch a glimpse of it.
I walk in the woods and hear the rustling of trees, clapping their hands in praise to the Lord.  And there, in that single moment, I see a flash of the color in our black and white world.
Or I receive a letter in the mail, just a note from a friend who says, "I love you."  The swirls of flowers and butterflies on the envelope make something inside me grow warm.  And I see a flash of color.
Or my family gathers with another family, all of us who just love Jesus with this radical love.  And, seated around, we sing praise songs at the top of our lungs.  We share and cry and sing, and sometimes I want to dance.  Because there's that piece of color inside us that just needs to be shared.
That peace in Eden was shattered into a million pieces.  And yet they're not lost.
Every believer has one.  We hold a fragment of that peace - that bit of color - and can give it to a lost world (2 Corinthians 5:20).  We hold the power to offer Jesus' peace because He put it in our hearts.
So I'm here.  I only have a quarter of a puzzle piece, but it's beautiful anyway.  The edges are chipped.  Sometime I forget about it and live without that peace - shalom.  But it's still inside me waiting for me to live fully in Christ.
When I choose to live in that God-given shalom, it's glorious.  I feel the peace deep inside, even when all else fails.  I love others and share that hint of color because I want them to find their own shalom in Jesus.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.

- Matthew 5:9

I cultivate it in my own life.  I share it with the lost, those who live in a black and white world.  And when I gather with other believers, we bring together our broken puzzle pieces, join them together, and have a handful of whole, complete ones.
I can't wait for when Jesus returns to find every church holding up their connected pieces and declaring, "Here's the shalom you entrusted to us.  We lived in it, shared it, and are now giving it back to you!"
I wonder what it will be like when He joins the broken fragments together, back into that whole puzzle that we lost in Eden.  What glory will Heaven have if it contains the little beauties of today and a hundred times more?

Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.

- 2 Corinthians 13:11

  That's the story.
Maybe it doesn't make sense.  Maybe it's redundant and twisted and not perfectly accurate.
Oh, but how I long for that shalom.  How I can't wait for Heaven's beauty when the black and white of today will be replaced with full color!  When we return to the glory we lost in Eden, and when all of our pieces will be joined together in unity.  When we see Jesus face to face and hear Him reward our faithfulness.
So I want to live today, grasping onto that shalom, that fleeting color, and never letting go.  I want to share it with a hurting world so that they can find the hint of color and come before Jesus rejoicing.
Peace.  Shalom.  Color.
That day, I asked God a question: what is peace?  And He swept me away with images and memories and colors.  He brought me from the past of Eden to the future of Heaven and the brokenness in between.
And yet it wasn't entirely broken because Jesus was still there.  He came to earth to bring us shalom.  I rejoice because I find fragments of His beauty around me every time I open my eyes to it.
When I looked up the Greek word for peace, it defined the desire that propels me to find Jesus' beauty in my everyday life.  Now it's one of my favorite words.

εἰρήνη (eiréné):  peace; when all essential parts are joined together; the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoerer sort that is

- Biblehub

Or as another author described shalom,

Wholeness and completeness in God.  The way things were intended to be.

- A Time to Die by Nadine Brandes

That's what I'm searching for: completeness in God.  Finding His glory in the midst of this life and living my days to give the glory back to Him.
Christmas represents shalom coming to earth, and I want to embrace that, treasure Jesus, and rejoice in the gifts He gives (James 1:17).
Merry (although late) Christmas, dear friends!  No matter what, you are so loved, right now.  And that's truth, because God loves you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).
And despite all the pain, there's beauty in this broken world.  Let's live, seeking His shalom.  ♥

 

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.

- Colossians 3:15

~♥~

Christianity in Real Life || Surrender

If anyone could say they were always a Christian, that would be me.
I chose to follow Christ before I could even read the Bible.  Just exiting my toddler years, I knew there was a God who could save me from my sins.  I was scared of Hell and wanted His salvation.
Years passed, and I did all the right things.  I went to church once (or twice) a week.  I worshiped.  I prayed.  I read my Bible every day.
But sometimes, after those precious moments with Jesus, I would open my bedroom door and get a blast of real life in my face.  It was like my quiet times with Jesus were this secret haven where I was safe.  Out in the boisterous world, those Christ-like qualities vanished.
I wondered if I could have Christianity in my real life.  If those moments of peace could transcend into the craziness of schedules and noise and interruptions and distractions.  But now I'm wondering something else.
What if those serene times with Jesus are real life?

   

It's like we're in this wooden box.  Outside of the box is this glorious world - Heaven - but we only see these walls that are separating us from it.  They're rough.  Hard.  When I touch them, splinters pierce my fingertips.
But when I become still and focus on Jesus, He shows me a small break in the wood.  I peer out.  And there, my eyes are blinded by color, light, beauty.  I see a flash of color, a flash of Heaven and His glory.
It's the real world, and we can experience it.  But sometimes, we instead choose to focus on the here and now.  Instead of looking for the fragments of shalom in our world, we see the stain of brokenness and sin.
Is there a way to bring that beauty into our daily life, or does peace stop when we close our Bibles and leave our quiet place?
That's the question the Lord has been gently revealing to me.  I had all sorts of awesome verses to back up my heart, but somewhere, the references got lost.  Maybe I'll find them later.  But right now, I need to express part of myself that's a desire I desperately long for.
The key is surrender.
Every single morning, I wake up with the same thoughts in my head.  They're selfish.  Ugly.  And from the second my eyes open up, the enemy is pulling me into his territory and trying to claim my day for himself.
When I live for myself, I let the enemy have control.  I do what makes me happy.  I accomplish goals and reach deadlines, but ultimately I'm left so empty and tired.  The things that should make me most joyful are a hollow shell.  I'm looking at the wooden walls and trying to draw a picture of what's outside instead of letting Jesus show me the real thing, the glory of Himself.
But oh - one of the most beautiful and painful words is surrender.  It's painful because I don't like to let go.  But when I do, that day is one I treasure and rejoice in.

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches.

- Psalm 63:6

To surrender means to say, "Yes, Jesus, You can do whatever You want with my day."  It means that everything I do - from my quiet time with Him, writing emails to far away friends, cooking up some muffins, laying in bed awake, or watching lectures for school - everything is done for Jesus.
Every aspect of my day is done prayerfully.  I rejoice in them.  I thank Him, ask Him for help, tell Him my problems.  I ask Him what would please Him most.
That's Christianity in real life - letting go of everything to just hold onto Him.

O God, You are my God; Early will I seek you; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You In a dry and thirsty land Where there is no water.

- Psalm 63:1 

It's not always this glorious beauty though.  Last week, it meant me watching so many school videos that droned on and on.  But I strove to rejoice in them.  I shared the moments with Him.  I praised Him when He helped me answer questions.  When I failed, I asked for His help.
It's this best-friend relationship, and I love it.  He shows me the beauty of everyday life when I surrender to His guidance.

     

I want to find Heaven on this earth.  In the extraordinary and in the mundane, Jesus is good.  And all my schedules, plans, dreams, they're all nothing unless they are done with the right heart.
Maybe that's what He looks for - a heart surrendered to Him.  It's not about what we do.  We can accomplish "good" things and still fall short.  But where is our heart?

So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory.

- Psalm 63:2

Dear friend, don't ever let yourself fall short of something so much bigger He wants to give you.  Surrender is the most beautiful decision you can make.  Give every day to Him, every decision to Him, and seek to find Real Life.
Maybe you said that prayer as a child like I did.  But don't stop there.  God has a much bigger plan for you, for us, and we can't let life surround us like a wooden box when there's this huge, beautiful Heaven just outside of it.  Seek Jesus to find that joy.

Because Your lovingkindness if better than life, My lips shall praise You.

- Psalm 63:3

Christianity doesn't stop when we close the Bible.  It should begin with the Lord and continue to impact our every day.  That's what relationships are.
Don't do the right things; seek His heart and love.
You're never alone.





 

Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

- Psalm 63:4-5

~♥~

Life Updates and Goals || What Radical Means

What does radical Christianity mean?

Is there even an answer?  Does one reach "radical" and then settle down, or is it an everlasting journey, that endless horizon?  This race we run, never give up?

I don't know what radical Christianity looks like, but I long for that.  Because I'm so in love with this God who gave His life for mine.  I want to give mine totally back  (Matthew 10:38-39).  Is that what radical means?

A few weeks ago, I was dissatisfied with where my life was.  I call myself a Christian.  On the outside, I might appear more on fire than others, but inwardly, am I any different?  I so want to be real.  I so want to abide in Christ truly.

Thus, I made that decision.  I'm still making it.  Sometimes I fail and have to ask for forgiveness and try again, but He is still faithful.  And He still loves.

But being radical brings changes.  The following are some of the ones I feel Him calling me to embark on.  Wherever you are, I'm not asking you to make the same decisions - simply follow His calling for your journey.  He has a story for your life, dear friend, and it's so, so glorious.


Blog Updates


I started blogging three years ago, and much has changed since then.  For those years, I posted every week or even more.  But now I'm going to erase that schedule.

Sometimes, schedules feel like they force me to write, and I end up scribbling down words that don't come from my heart.  But I want every post to be directly from Him, not myself.  There's a huge difference, and I know when I write for Him or for myself.  This blog is dedicated to God.  Thus, I've decided to give myself room to not post sometimes.  When I do post, you can know that it's something deep in my heart from the Lord - at least, that's my aim.

That means, I may not post every week.  Hopefully when I do post, they will be more encouraging and focused for you, dear readers.

Also, for those who follow my blog from Google+, that option will be deleted.  All subscribers must do it through email.  In the next week, I'll be deleting "the Readers" tab on the sidebar.  This is because I easily define myself by numbers, and I'm not going to do that anymore.  I feel God leading me to write for Him, not for the number of followers I have.

This is just where God is taking me, and I have so, so much peace in it!  I'm rejoicing in the journey, and I rejoice in where He takes you!


Goodreads Update


I was a member of Goodreads for several years, and recently I deleted my account.  Wow, that decision hurt, but it was so worth it.

I asked God what really mattered in light of eternity, and He revealed that my presence on Goodreads was stealing my attention and time.  It was such a blessing and joy to be part of that site for a time, but it was time for me, personally, to leave.

Again - I just need to say this: when we follow the Lord, He gives such joy and peace.  Whatever He is calling you to, just do it.  Every sacrifice is more than worth it.  He is so good!


Social Media Update


On a more joyful note, I felt the Lord calling me to join Instagram!  I've tarried for months to take that step, but it's been such a joy sharing my heart through this new venue.  If you are on there, I'd be thrilled to get to know you better and rejoice in the Lord together - my username is hosanna.emily .

      

At the beginning of the year, I gave 2018 to God to use as He willed. There were beautiful victories - a new baby born into the family, a novel I wrote, coming so close to graduation that I can almost taste it. Then there were the painful moments - so many tears, worries, fears.

But 2018 has been good because God is always good.  I'm rejoicing in it!  With one last month lingering on the horizon, I'm so eager to discover His plans for me, for you, for us.  He has a plan and purpose, and it's glorious.

I'm excited for every pain and trouble and joy He might bring in 2019, because I trust Him.  Wherever He takes us, we can rejoice!

I will leave you with two challenges:

First, if your relationship with Christ is real, just give everything to Him.  Be radical.  Give up any idols and be willing to break so that He can be strong.  Be willing to cry so He can comfort you.  Christianity is so much bigger than what we imagine; don't let anything hold you back.  Fly to Jesus!

And secondly, let's use this last month of the year to sacrifice everything for Him.  Make goals.  Dedicate yourself to Him.  Let's live December radically.

This is my resolution for the upcoming month, and I pray your heart throbs with His love as a new month begins and an old one passes away.

For this last month of 2018, 

I purpose: 

to cultivate a heart of joy, of worship, of shalom, and of love.  To live every day loving Him.  To show that openly through my prayers, heart, conversations, blog, email, social media, and entire life.  To live for His praise instead of others.  To abide in Christ's love and Word.  And to use my glory to further His. 

This is my heart.

Live radically and love radically, dear friends.   ♥

   

For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth,
And deep darkness the people;
But the Lord will arise over you,
And His glory will be seen upon you.
The Gentiles shall come to your light,
And kings to the brightness of your rising...

The sun shall no longer be your light by day,
Nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you;
But the Lord will be to you an everlasting light,
And your God your glory.

- Isaiah 60:2-3, 19

(ps)  This song is on my heart today, and I encourage you to listen to it and remember how awesome God is!  You are so loved.

~♥~

First Winter Snow || a poem

First Winter Snow

Before one month ago, the roses bloomed,

and I loved it:

the crimson-pink, softness as I smelled,

nose against petal, inhaling.

sweet,

before the first snow came.

frost killed those blooms—

withering, lingering,

trying to hold on as they died.

roses edged in ice.

that month ago, they laughed.

now I cry

for what’s lost.

even when ice thaws, it returns

and hurts again,

freezes my petals.

I try to dance, but it’s cold;

I see my breath but slip on frost

and cry again.

so many days ago, innocent life

yet the snow falls, and I try

to dance.

because one day spring will come

and I’ll understand why.

   

Come, and let us return to the Lord;
For He has torn, but He will heal us;
He has stricken, but He will bind us up.
After two days He will revive us;
On the third day He will raise us up,
That we may live in His sight.
Let us know,
Let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord.
His going forth is established as the morning;
He will come to us like the rain,
Like the latter and former rain to the earth.

- Hosea 6:1-3

~♥~