Robin Gilbert's Blog, page 4

1. Scan all parts of 10+ year old hand drawn A3 Hops Cast...

1. Scan all parts of 10+ year old hand drawn A3 Hops Castle map into Paint Shop Pro 5 and Shift+S to shrink. Copy and align the pieces back together, magic wand and del the unwanted bits. Print.
2. Improvise a light box with a cleaned sheet of plastic taken from an old picture frame raised off a desk equally on both sides by some cherished Alistair Macleans to a sufficient height to allow an IKEA desk lamp to slide easily beneath. Turn lamp on. Trace.
3. De-paperclip and scan unblemished black Artline FINE 0.4 map, Ctrl+A onto copy of "possum paper" as new map layer, reduce opacity to 40%. Add map's key layer; 60%. Add title layer; opaque. Voila. BW1 DN eBook cover done...

I humbly suggest Monet's dabbing and rapid brushstrokes i...

I humbly suggest Monet's dabbing and rapid brushstrokes in oil technique would have improved immeasurably had he been fortunate enough to witness the unique and beautiful patterns found in the mesmerising spray of possum urine. Certainly The Water-Lily Pond is quite good but lacks that stippled agedness only possum urine can truly achieve. Once my masters demonstrated this technique the rest was obvious. After burning the garden furniture I left some A4 outside overnight and on the morrow it was duly, nay lovingly stained. After allowing for drying time and for the overwhelming stench to fully dissipate, I scanned it, capturing its beauty forever; this will become the background layer for BW1 DN's book cover.
If you answer to a different master, try rubbing A4 with a used Tetley teabag ("Tetley make tea bags make... paper look really old"). That looks quite good too.

I was asked during the week, 'How is your lemon doing?' L...

I was asked during the week, 'How is your lemon doing?' Lemon. Singular. Where once hung a beautiful citrus bounty of fish flavouring wonder... there is now only one, effin, lemon, remaining. The others are laying strewn about the little lawn, one possum-sized bite taken from each. Notice I say, one bite from each lemon? Not one lemon wholly consumed and un-missed. Oh no. Bite, yuk, throw, bite, yuk, throw, ... bastards!
However, inspired by this lesson from my masters, I edited the first 15k words of BW1 DN into 13k better ones. It will be ready in July for all my Dear Readers to enjoy. And I'm keeping my singular lemon safe; it may lend zest to the celebrations on ePublishing Day.

Not another effin blog! Well, I didn't really want to wri...

Not another effin blog! Well, I didn't really want to write one either, but the possums made me do it; they are my masters now. They scamper across my tin roof after dark, tapping out Morse code urging me to plant more vegetables (but not to worry about putting onions in because we don't like them so much) to tie a rope from the tree to the roof to act like a bridge so they can avoid getting their paws dirty on the effin bush turkey poo, and, yes, I was just as surprised as you; start a blog, Rob. Start. A. Blog.
I didn't argue. I do what they tell me. And this is it. Their blog. They know things and they want me to share this with you; about growing chillies, about Liverpool FC and the offside rule, about Welsh rugby and my tropical building site garden. Oh, and about writing books…