Maurice Broaddus's Blog, page 41

I said "Ha. Ha."

I received the following tweet update from my wife:  "Just wiped out walking at work, something wet was on the floor & I went flip hitting my knee & shoulder before I landed on my butt. LOL! SMH"

The thing you have to know is that nothing amuses my wife like physical injury.  The time I cracked my head against my youngest son's recently installed pull-up bare caused her to fall off the couch (literally) in convulsions of laughter.

So not even two minutes after I read that text, I was grateful that she wasn't around.

Still battling a stomach virus (FROM THE BOWELS OF HELL), I decided to make the bed.  I flicked the comforter into the air, because I like to guide it perfectly into place onto the bed.  As I yanked the comforter down, it caught the back of my head and I somehow slammed my own head into the bed post.

I've decided to simply crawl into said bed, curl up under said comforter, and read Nick Mamatas' Move Underground, which reads even more like a lucid dream than it did before.

And yet I can still hear my wife's laughter.

Scout Report

While sitting here looking at all of the post it notes, pages marked with arrows, and a story outline so marked up it looks like a bleeding road map, I'm wishing I could flip a magic switch and completed the three book projects swirling in the back of my brain.*

But there are no short cuts.  The journey—from idea to brainstorming to plotting to character/world building to final product—is an important part of the process.  It's what grows you as a writer.

It's also the part that never gets easier.

Basically, I'm at the start over point in my novel.  A big difference between writing a novel versus a short story is that you can keep the entire story and character arcs in your head much easier. I can only plot, character/world build, write so far before I lose track of all of the threads of a story and have to start over.  Usually trashing what's left of my outline and re-mapping the story thus far to its conclusion.

The exciting part is that I'm still not even sure what the novel is about yet.  It's a science fiction novel which has a civilization loosely based on how ant colonies operate, an infotaxis nanovirus, clockwork miners, and a hero who gets beat up.  A lot.

All of which I'm greatly enjoying.

So there you go, the process never gets any easier, but when you embrace it, you enjoy it.  It'd still be nice to occasionally flip the switch and be done with projects though.  At least the ones with deadlines.

*For the record, they are my science fiction novel tentatively called Scout; my steamfunk novel, tentatively called Pimp My Airship; and a horror novel in collaboration with Wrath James White tentatively called Wrath of God.

Closing Chapters

"I guess I've just kept walking through the wilderness long enough that eventually a path appeared. That path remains before me, its direction and character unknown. I am certain there will be twists and turns, unexpected conditions to navigate, places where the going gets hard and slow, and other spots where astonishing vistas may appear, inviting long contemplation and wonder." -Chaplain Mike

About a month ago I was offered a full time staff position at a local ministry.  I was hesitant to share it because it seemed impossibly like a dream job:  working with urban kids to get them into college then provide a support system through college.  I'd get to work alongside the folks at Outreach Inc and their clients.  Giving back to the community, working towards racial reconciliation, teaching (especially writing)…it was too perfect.

Turns out the announcement would have been one of those "grand opening/grand closing" sort of things as the job had to be rescinded a few weeks later as their board voted and opted to move someone already a part of their organization over to my newly created spot.  Of course that came after I withdrew from a teaching program and turned down a different position offered by someone else after I received the ministry offer.   So … back to the drawing board.

As I take stock of the trajectory of my life lately, it feels like my time in vocational ministry type work is drawing to an end.  With the Cora Simmons prayer meeting ending (a monthly meeting where ministry workers from across the city would get together to network and pray for each other – something I'd been a part of nearly from the beginning), my time at Loving Accurately Ministry ending (a pastors prayer group, another ministry I was a part of nearly from the beginning), and the ministry position falling through, it hit like a 1, 2, 3 punch combination.

So it feels like I'm in a (two year long) season of chapters closing.  But in turning the page, a new chapter starts and I'm remaining open to what comes next.  Which I'm kind of excited about.

A guy and his blog

Here's the thing:  it's been a while since blogging was fun for me.  It used to be something I'd do to blow off steam, pontificate, or participate in online community.  For the last year or so, I feel like I've just kind of coasted.  Partly that's been due to the changes in social media as I'm more able to directly interact with folks via Facebook and Twitter.  And I've spent a lot of the time I would normally use for regular blogging doing freelance work or working on novels, which don't leave much in the old writing fuel tank to blog.

So I've mostly concentrated on writing reviews, blogging about writing stuff, and on the rare occasion, having an opinion on something going on in current events.  (Look, I've purposely been avoiding the news so that I wouldn't feel the need to respond.  Apparently I have missed entire wars and uprisings while I've kept my head down to write.)

Partly it's due to the odd things that go on in my head.  Every so often my thoughts get frozen when I realize how many eyes find the site.  It might simply be the equivalent of blogging stage fright and the unwarranted pressure to be, I don't know, profound.  Between that, the distracting need to put something out regularly (as conventional blogging thought goes), then promoting it across the various social media platforms, I lose sight of why I do it.

But I wanted to get back to being me on the blog.  I want this to be a space for me to free write, play test some ideas that may become essays or books.  Put myself out there between projects.  Nothing deep, just a guy who struggles with his faith, a guy who writes, and a guy who ingests a lot of pop culture.

We'll see how long this lasts.

Writing Goals for 2012

It's a good thing I don't believe in New Year's resolutions … yeah, I need to just quit doing these.  Just by glancing at my goal list from last year, I'm already disheartened:

For 2011, I want to challenge myself a little more to continue to capitalize on whatever career momentum I may be experiencing. I'm not the most disciplined of writers, so without realistic goals, I'd probably sit around and do nothing but blog and play being a writer on the Internet. So I plan to write half a dozen short stories, write my creative non-fiction take on the book of Hosea (co-written with Danny Carroll), write a book on urban ministry (with Bob Schultz), write a postapocalyptic novel (with Wrath James White), and finish Pimp My Airship:  The Novel.

I'm writing this blog as I assess how I actually did, but my gut has that sinking feeling already.  Stories I wrote in 2011 were:

-Communication Breakdown (Cadence in Decay anthology)

-The Gift (because I felt the need to attempt a paranormal romance … at 8000 words.  Plus the market I was aiming for was paying $1000 per story)

-Steppin Razor (a Jamaican steampunk story that needs to make up its mind if it wants to be a novel)

-The Volunteer (another on spec piece for an anthology I am excited about seeing even if I don't make it in)

Four out of six, giving us a percentage of 66.7% and a grade of D.

On the novel side, I thought co-writing was going to be the key to getting a lot of words on the page, but I forgot that increases the odds of procrastination exponentially.  Projects completed were:

-Prone to Wander (co-written with Pastor Danny Carroll)

-A Community of Shepherds (freelance gig)

-Lyta's Dance (my children's book.  You may be hearing more about this in 2012 as my collaborator was a painter, not a writer)

One out of four, truth be told, though I did throw in two other projects, so I'll give myself 75% and play for the C.

For 2012, I don't know where to set my goals.  I know I have to leave room for some freelance work that pops up (which maybe I'd feel better about my goals if I listed them).  I have two short stories in the back of my skull that need an excuse to be born.  I only have three stories out there actively searching for a home.  So I'm going to set my goal for six short stories.

On the novel front, I have three definite projects:  Scout (my first sci-fi novel attempt), Pimp My Airship (I need to commit to doing this … and soon), and a Middle Grade detective novel (children's books have my interest of late).  Then I will return to my collaboration with Wrath James White before he crawls through teh Interwebz and chokes my procrastinating ass or figure out what I need to do with Steppin Razor.

In the mean time, I'll massage these projects through the publication machine so that they don't stop at things piling up in my drawer (read:  I'm building in an excuse to not make my goals for next year as I OBVIOUSLY have to do further drafts of old projects).

Some of My Highlight Blogs of 2011

(Aka, blogging about my blogs makes me more meta than thou)

This year was a lighter blogging year than usual.  In the irony department, in the two years of my unemployment, I have blogged ever less (which I address in, ironically, one of my most trafficked blogs of the year).  Each year I like to reflect on my year of blogs and draw attention to some of the favorites that you may have missed.  It is a complex formula that I use to calculate this list.  It's slightly based on stats to the site, feedback I've received across my various platforms, ones I go "hey, I really liked that one", and if I was ever accosting in real life over a blog's content.

Reviews don't count* as they probably speak more to their fanbase.  Either that or I have serious misunderstanding of who makes up my core audience.  So no need to check out:

-Invader Zim:  Operation Doom

-iCarly

-Big Time Rush

-Batman R.I.P.

Also, my special projects don't count, though the reading period for Dark Faith 2 is about to start, our Miseducation of the Writer project takes shape, and folks need to get in on the early bird registration for Mo*Con.  Here are my thoroughly unscientifically, unranked highlight blog posts:

Championship Heart aka Getting Published isn't Easy – This was my response to a sentiment of entitlement I began noticing among some unpublished or underpublished writers.  Because, yes, writing/publishing is hard.  It's supposed to be.  In that same vein, Being Mauricenary demands that we get paid (or at least avoid many scams by seeking professional rates and not settling for less).  Ironically, in explaining my less than daily blog output schedule, Nothing to Say, I don't know what lesson to take home from the fact that a blog in which I say, I don't have much to say, gets some of the highest traffic of the year.

Our Rally Focus America Audition – So writer, Wrath James White and I auditioned for a reality show.  No, seriously, we did.

The Knights of Breton Court:  The Big Themes – every now and then, I actually write about the books and/or stories of mine that have been released.  The best part of discussing your own work is just how difficult it is to avoid sounding pretentious.  But I'm a writer with DEEP.  THOUGHTS.

Hole in the Soul – A Work in Progress – One of my rare excursions into poetry.  It may make it into a novel I'll be writing soon.  Or I'll just e-mail it to my counselor and she what she makes of it.

Guest blogs don't normally get me into trouble, however, add the topics of homosexuality and the church and suddenly no one's opinion/story is safe.

-Pastor Brad Grammer – writes on learning to listen to people's stories.

-Danny Evarts – tells the story of growing up gay in a fundamentalist Christian household.

And since I can't resist a good argument, I waded in with Confessing our Homophobia in the Church

Uncle Tom's Athletes – Jalen Rose launches into a tirade about how Duke's coach, Mike Krzyzewski only recruited black players who were Uncle Toms.  I gots opinions.

Just Don't Marry One – folks who are in interracial relationships didn't need that phrase explained to them.  And luckily a church in Kentucky helped educate the rest of y'all.  Good times.

O Lawdy:  You can take the N***** out of the book, but you … wait, what? – besides having one of my favorite titles, I opine on the release of a "deniggerized" edition of Huck Finn.

So, young bloggers/writers, as you've learned, the key to a successful blog and/or writing platform is to never write on anything controversial, especially race, politics, sexuality, or religion.

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*For the record, the blogs with the highest traffic of all time (at least since I reconfigured my blog) are:

-Wolverine and the X-Men – A Review

-Invader Zim:  Operation Doom – A Review

-Big Time Rush – A Review

-Ninja Assassin – A Review

-iCarly – A Review

-Ratatouille – A Review

-Legend of the Guardian:  The Owls of Ga'Hoole – A Review

Only then do we get to my first non-review blog, Shame on Us.  So that brings us to our second lesson, being that my only formula to blogs is writing what I'm passionate about, having a platform like HollywoodJesus backing me up, and occasionally ranting about what a mess J. Michael Straczynski's run on Spider-Man was (the next highest trafficked blog post of mine).

Happy Blogging!

Find the hand, Find the Heart

When I was fifteen years old, my Youth pastor was dying of cancer.  He was a man I loved dearly who not only encouraged me, but also had pushed me pretty hard.  As I was having back surgery at the time, we were in the same hospital during his final days.  Only a few floors down from me, but I couldn't bring myself to visit him.  The thing I told myself, and anyone who asked, was that I didn't want to remember him that way.

It was either that or admit that I was more concerned about my own pain.  How much it would hurt to see him that way.  How much it would hurt to say goodbye for the last time.  What I regret most about that are the memories that I don't have:  not of him in his deteriorating state, but of the chance to hold his hand and tell him how much I love him.

I was 15 then, so I'll give myself a pass on my selfishness then.

It was a mistake I never wanted to repeat, especially with someone I care about, like Sara J. Larson.

Sara was a co-founder of the Indiana Horror Writers and the heart of Mo*Con.  A few of weeks ago she was moved to hospice care after being hospitalized for a couple of months as she is in the last days of her battle with breast cancer.  I was right about one thing:  it is hard.  It's hard to see a person you love frail and weak.  It's hard to see a person you love hurting and there's nothing you can do about it.   It's hard to see a person you love cut down in their prime.  It's hard to see a person you love disappear in inches:  hair loss, vibrancy, coherency (due to all of the pain meds).

But she's still the Sara we love.

It's easy to get caught up in the awkwardness of the moment.  What do I talk about?  Do I mention what's been going on/will I make her feel bad about what she's missing out on?  Do I talk about the future/wait that will just remind her of the stuff she won't be able to be a part of?   Will she even know I'm there?  What good can I do there? It's tempting to fill the silence, making the mistake of Job's friends from that Biblical story.  In fact, you could get caught up in all kinds of fretting, but I'll tell you what Sara told me (as she's never been shy in telling folks what to do):

"Find the hand, find the heart."*

I have exactly one job:  find her hand and hold it.  That simple.  I am to stand there, assure her that she's not alone and that she's loved.  It doesn't take words, it just takes presence.  And willingness.  And compassion.  And love.  It's not that hard.

When our time together is done, I'm not going to remember Sara this way.  We have lots of memories, plenty of laughter, arguing, and tears that make up a friendship and a life well lived.  Although, I take that back.  I will remember this time together because it was another chance to tell (and show) my friend how much I love and appreciate her.**

*She also reminded me, in case she was sleeping while I was there, that "For once you sitting around watching people sleep isn't considered creepy."

**Me:  You know I'm going to write about this, right?

Sara:  Yeah.  But I'm not going to let you right now.  You've got some hand holding to do.

For Your Consideration…

AKA Works that came out in 2011

Be it for awards consideration, Christmas gift ideas, or you just want to see what projects of mine came out this year (I know *I* did!), here's a list of projects of mine which saw print in 2011  (for those doing the e-book thing, here's a one stop shop of all of my projects available in a variety of e-formats):

Novels

King's Justice (Angry Robot Books)

King's War (Angry Robot Books)

Novella

Bleed With Me (Delirium Books)

Stories

I, Theodora (Beauty Has Her Way)

Lost Son (Griots)

In Receipt of Fern Seed (Voices from the Past)

Temple of Regrets (Apexology:  Science Fiction and Fantasy)

Problem of Trystan (Hot & Steamy:  Tales of Steampunk Romance)

Of the Seas, I Dream (Carnage & Consequences)

Article

"WisCon, Stories, and Ontological Blackness" (The WisCon Chronicles Vol. 5:  Writing and Racial Identity)

Actually, that's not too bad of a list (I was feeling a little author envy when I saw the year some of my friends have had).  Due to the vagaries of publishing, only two of those projects were written in 2011 and came out in the same year.  Most of the stories were written five years or more ago, but only sold in 2010.  On the sale to publishing date, that's still great.  In the "Sick of Me in 2012" Department, here are some projects in the pipeline for next year:

The anthology Dark Faith II (edited by Maurice Broaddus & Jerry Gordon) will be coming in fall 2012 (Apex Books)
The novella "I Can Transform You" (Apex Books)
The story "Rainfall" will be in the next issue of Cemetery Dance
The story "Under a Concrete Hill" will be in the next issue of Bull Spec
The story "The Cracker Trap" will be in an upcoming issue of Shroud Magazine
The story "Whispers at the End of Creation" will be in the Relics & Ruins anthology
The story "A Soldier's Story" will be in the Vampires Don't Sparkle! anthology
The story "Trails End" will be in the Dead West anthology
The story "Iron Hut" will be in the upcoming anthology, Ancient Shadows
The story "Awaiting Redemption" will be in an upcoming issue of Of Keene Interest
The story "Warrior of the Sunrise" will be in the upcoming Icons anthology

Waiting for the A-Ha* Moment

(AKA Embracing the Process)

I am stunned by the amount of fear I have when facing the blank page.  Not knowing where to begin.  Agonizing over the first sentence.  Wanting to get everything perfect.  Not knowing what the final story will look like.  Not knowing how I'm even going to get there.  It's the same everything I sit down to write, you'd think I'd be used to it.

It's not like I've not done this before.  Opening my closet of dirty little secrets, I wrote four books before my first book sale (in order:  Strange Fruit (which took seven years to finish), Pantheon of Dreams, Caught Up, Black Son Rising).  My books 5, 6, and 7 have been released (King Maker, King's Justice, and King's War).  Books 8, 9, and 10 are in the can/finished the first draft stage (Lyta's Dance, Shepherds of Community, Prone to Wander).  So here I am starting book number 11 (Scout).

And it's like I've once again forgotten how to write.  But this is what the process looks like for me:

-I lie around watching television, pursuing some social cause, or otherwise finding excuses not to plant my behind in a chair and just write.

-Once I've convinced myself that it's time to write (i.e., a deadline looms), I begin my stare down with the blank page.

-Invariably, I lose the first round and retreat.

-I begin/continue reading to more to spur ideas and further fleshing out either my world or my characters.

-My notepads swell with jotted down snippets of dialogue, plot points, or description.

-I build a momentum of notes until something amazing happens:  I have my A-ha! moment.  Characters come into focus, I find that emotional place I want to tell the story from, or a cool idea has wrapped itself around my brain

-Thus armed, story finally fully gestated, I can't help but put pen to page carried away on a wave of story.

It's the waiting for the A-Ha that panics me most every time.  I suppose this violates the "never let them see you sweat" credo, but it took three months for that moment to arrive with King's War.  I sat down in January of 2010 to write it, but it wasn't until late March when it suddenly hit me on how to approach the story (when I found my emotional space to write from).  Until then I started and stopped writing.  Constantly re-wrote my opening line, paragraph, and scene (all of which got chucked anyway).  The whole time nursing that fear that the book would never get written or being convinced that this, or any, idea is completely unworkable as a story (particularly panicking if you are on the last book of your trilogy).

Plagued by doubts, mounting desperation, and fear; curling up under the covers gripped by sudden helplessness or the feeling of having finally hit the wall of writing block, I toil away.  Somehow I get to the end of the book and am equally amazed by the fact that I have somehow completed a novel.  I revel in the accompanying feelings of pride and satisfaction, that cigar moment of "wow, I just finished a book" … then I repeat the cycle all over again.

In the mean time, blogs are written.  When in doubt if I can't perform the process, I can at least write about it.

-File under the emotional life of writing

*I could have gone with "Ta da!", but the image of an 1980s pop group showing up whenever you had a breakthrough in your writing now haunts me.  A ha fans, both of them, are still despondent over the fact that the band split up last year.  Yeah, I was as shocked as anyone that they were still making music.

2012 Convention Appearances

Well, I'm already late to the game of having to think through which conventions I will be attending in 2012.  Typically my convention schedule is more a matter of figuring out how much I am going to have to save up in order to attend any.  I love conventions, though I felt I over did it this year (though maybe it was a matter of too many in too short a period of time).  Conventions are a time of creative renewal, an opportunity to network with other writers and editors, see old friends, meet new ones, and interact with fans.

So I try to maximize my opportunities to do all of those things (which is the only way to justify the trip to my family, as it's more time away from them than just the act of writing itself).  As of right now, here are my appearances for 2012:

Texas Library Association – April 18 – 19 (Houston, TX)

African American Pioneers of Horror and Science Fiction (CPE#309: SBEC 1.0) - 10:15 – 11:50 AM

Creating good horror and science fiction is a true art. Join a panel of African Americans authors as they discuss the unique and appealing elements of these genres and share selections. A business meeting follows the program. Maurice Broaddus and Nalo Hopkinson. Black Caucus Round Table.

Mo*Con – May 4 – 6 (Indianapolis, IN)

Brought to you by the Indiana Horror Writers, Mo*Con is a convention focused on conversations revolving around horror literature and spirituality.  If you enjoy writing, horror, fantasy, and food, you'll find plenty to enjoy at this convention.  Mary Robinette Kowal, Nate Southard, Mary Sangiovanni, John Edward Lawson, Mike Altman.

Readercon 23 – July 12-15, 2012 (Burlington, MS)

Gencon – August 16-19 (Indianapolis, IN)

Worldcon – August 30 – September 3 (Chicago, IL)

There were a few other conventions on my radar [C2E2 (April 13-15, Chicago, IL), Harlem Book Fair (July 23, Harlem, NY), Indianapolis Black Expo (July 7-17, Indianapolis, IN), Chicago Comic Con (August 9-12, Chicago, IL)], but with those other ones being my priority, they'll have to wait til next year.

How do you decide which conventions are the best for you?  Any great ones I'm missing out on?