Lisa N. Edwards's Blog, page 26
December 4, 2018
December 2, 2018
Don’t learn the tricks of the trade… learn the trade...
Don’t learn the tricks of the trade… learn the trade
November 29, 2018
IS IT OKAY TO HIT A WOMAN?
Over the last 8 weeks I’ve been...
IS IT OKAY TO HIT A WOMAN?
Over the last 8 weeks I’ve been grappling with the idea of whether it is okay to hit a woman?
And as the woman in question I’ve justified being hit in many ways.
He was in withdrawals.His psychologist made him feel broken. It wasn’t him, it was the drugs. I’ve researched and researched and yes the drugs he was taking can cause schizophrenia and psychotic breaks, but part of him knew it was wrong, and yet he feels it unnecessary to apologise because apparently he needs to apologise to no one.
I KNOW I WILL PROBABLY NEVER GET ONE…. but I’m here to tell you, I deserve a heartfelt apology, none of this was my fault, no matter how much he tries to tell me it was or make me feel bad. I didn’t make him take the drugs, while I may have banged on his door, I didn’t provoke him to a point that made him almost choke me to death releasing my throat when I gasped the words, “you’re killing me”
And for me I’ve needed to examine myself and my feelings as to why I am okay with the severe beating I received. How can being thrown through a wall and stood on by him like I was nothing and worthless be justified in my mind? But I have, I understand now why as a child it was so hard for my Mum to leave an abusive marriage, and I judged her for that thinking it was an easy situation, why didn’t you just leave? He’s hitting you and beating you almost to death? He’s not treating you well… just leave!
Now I know, it’s not that easy to just leave. Now that I look back over the very chaotic last 6 months of my life I understand how it builds up. I was the frog, and over that 6 months I was sitting in the pot of water and the heat was gradually turned up… and turned up… and turned up, until I was in so deep there was no way out. Gaslighting is a technique a lot of drug addicts become quite skilled in, as that’s their method of controlling those around them. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting See point 8.
As an addict he was able to manipulate me to a point I would do anything to keep him safe and alive. I was so afraid he would die or overdose, which towards the end he did, overdose, a few times, and that I would do anything to save him. Including jumping on a plane several times to Thailand each time he overdosed or needed me, I was there. Except the time my daughter went to hospital, that time he punished me for not coming… he overdosed and I could not leave. So like now, at that point he had taken away what I love, my work and the people I connected with daily.
The mind works in mysterious ways, and it tries to keep telling my heart to stop loving him as he continues to behave badly towards me. Stop feeling empathy for this man that clearly treats you like you are nothing, and move on. This has truly been the hardest part… letting go and putting trust in a drug addict that he’s rebuilding his life that he’s moving forward. The weird thing is, I am now the enemy but at some point he needs to actually acknowledge that what he did to me was wrong and was not my fault.
How can he love me, when he doesn’t love himself?
Until he loves himself, he’s not capable of loving me or anyone else. And I loved him more than he will ever know, he was worth every second! EVERY SECOND!
But… I have today realised what I need to do is move on. I really don’t need that apology, and I accept that I need to forgive myself for being so harsh on me!
I deserve happiness!
November 25, 2018
Focus on what you want… you get what you focus on in...
Focus on what you want… you get what you focus on in life…
watch what you say to yourself… tell the inner voice who you are, and what you want to become!
I AM….
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
#positivethinking #positivequotes #positivethinking #waterfall #livethelufeyoulive #loveyourself #lovethelifeyoulive #landscapephotography (at Hopetoun Falls)
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqoc6drhkCE/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=k2sdv46iz4rp
#DontGoChasingWaterfalls Picture taken by @darciecatania moments...
#DontGoChasingWaterfalls Picture taken by @darciecatania moments before I fell in #positivevibes #cryptocurrency #crypto #cryptofreesunday #waterfalls #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #rocks (at Hopetoun Falls)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BqmVGtkhRBG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mkil0xqe4x82
November 22, 2018
Another look from my photoshoot with #andrewraszevski and hair...
Another look from my photoshoot with #andrewraszevski and hair and makeup by the gorgeous @nicolegroch_hairmakeup look her up for cruelty free vegan friendly products ❤️ #livethelifeyoulove #lovethelifeyoulive #positivevibes #positivequotes #model #modellife #modeling #photoshoot #actor #author #crypto #tradinganalyst #tradinganalysis (at Icon Media)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BqgqBzHBkC0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3ppi2mc4jptq
November 19, 2018
Falling in love is like falling off a cliff…
Your brain...
Falling in love is like falling off a cliff…
Your brain screams that it’s not a good idea and that hurt and pain will inevitably come to you…
but if you follow your ❣ heart ❣ it believes you can soar, glide and fly
