Jen A. Durand's Blog: Thoughts Best Kept Silent, page 3

Andris Portè – Shadowy Lights

     Shadowy Lights is about how fear affects a relationship. How it stunts its growth and suffocates the love. Andris Portè is a prince and a man in love with a woman afraid to take her place by his side. Her own feelings of inadequacy cause her to act defensively and push him away.     What does a man do when his woman cannot let go of the past? He cannot give her confidence and is unable to sooth her fears. Glee wants to be loved by everyone and forgets that the most important person who needs to love her is herself.     Readers love Andris because he is sincere in his feelings. The position he finds himself in is a realistic one. When you can’t be with the one you love… You try to settle for someone else. He could not love Glee in the shadow.     So he let her go. But she is still in his heart. They created a bond long ago and fostered a friendship that endured centuries. The fear that damaged them, did not destroy what they were to each other. While others may get hurt there is no denying the passion shared between the two.
Here is an exclusive of Shadowy Lights –Excerpt from Chapter 8
     Andris sipped whiskey and looked at the picture in his hand. It was a picture of Glee in one of his old shirts. He saw the scene as it played out in his head. Sunlight streamed through the window casting a glow on her skin. Her legs called to him as he watched her sway. Perfection.     She had a bright smile on her face and had spoon in her hand. He had taken the picture on the sly while she sang and cooked. It had been a moment of shared pleasure as they enjoyed a Saturday morning together.     He could hear her off key voice cracking on the high notes. He could smell the scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee. They had been so carefree and full of love. Her voice had been horrible, but he loved to hear it.     ‘Rain drops keep falling on my head.’     Andris stepped toward her as he adjusted his pjs. ‘The eggs are burning.’     Glee stopped singing and turned towards the stove. ‘No, it is not.’     Andris wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. She giggled as he kissed the nap of her neck.     ‘I know.’     Glee turned and wrapped her arms his neck as she rose onto the tips of her toes. ‘It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me.’     Andris leaned forward and lifted her as Glee wrapped her legs around his waist. The feel of her in his arms was right. They were right together. Glee pressed her forehead to his and continued to sing as she stroked the back of his head.     ‘Crying’s not for me.’     Her voice faded as Andris downed the last of his whiskey. She was haunting him now. Memories bombarded him. Love should not be this difficult. Movement made him sit up as Sabrina’s voice drifted out from beneath the covers.     “Come to bed.”*End of Excerpt
Jen A. DurandAuthor of The Secrets, Lies, and Betrayal Series and The Virgins Club, www.Durandpublishing.netJen A. DurandCompleted WorksSecrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: SecretsJaguar Nights: LiesPearl Moon: BetrayalShadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The PlannerThe FixerThe Dreamer
Lipstick Diaries:Shy Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad BoyConfident Meets Bold
Solo Romances:The Prince’s HeartClosing The DealThings We Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesTwins For ChristmasLasting Kind Of LoveBillionaire’s Perfect Bride
The Young and The PowerfulWitch’s Reflection

Circling Currents

I speak and sometimes it feels like the words just fade away.No one hears.No one listens.I scream and it echos for only me.
You Nag.Are Unforgiving.You Live in the past.
Labels surround me.Bombard me.But they are just words.So like mine I let them fade.I don't listen.My ears hear nothing.Jen A. DurandCompleted WorksSecrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: SecretsJaguar Nights: LiesPearl Moon: BetrayalShadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The PlannerThe FixerThe Dreamer
Lipstick Diaries:Shy Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad BoyConfident Meets Bold
Solo Romances:The Prince’s HeartClosing The DealThings We Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesTwins For ChristmasLasting Kind Of LoveBillionaire’s Perfect Bride
The Young and The PowerfulWitch’s Reflection

Livia Penton – Pearl Moon

      Pearl Moon is the exploration of how a couple recovers from betrayal. When the trust shared is broken, can it be repaired? Livia has had her life turned on its head. She is preparing to give birth to a child she did not want and was entirely sure she would not damage.      Her best friends. Her sisters have entered into loving relationships as she stands in ruins of her own. Sei ji is the man she chose and he pulls away from anything permanent. The announcement of their impending parenthood sent him running for the door. It kept him gone for months. Now he is back wanting a second chance.      Livia is faced with the possibility of having the man she loves by her side. The question she has to answer first is whether or not she wants him. Does she believe he has changed? Can she trust him to stay by her side? Will he stay by her side? All of these thoughts plague her because it is no longer just her.      Livia has “the parasite” to worry about and care for.      This character was so great to write. She expresses so many emotions. Because she has so many of them. Those pregnancy hormones are real. Deep down she is a romantic who wants what every women wants. Love and loyalty.
Here is an exclusive of Pearl Moon –Excerpt from Chapter 6
      Livia looked at Sei and rubbed her belly as her anxiety started to rise. Sei looked completely at ease. Nothing about him revealed any sort of tense.      “Do you want to start first,” Livia asked.      “How are you?”      “I am fine.”      “And the baby?”      Livia tensed even more even as she tried to maintain her calm. Stress was a bad thing and her baby needed calm. It needed peace.      “The baby is fine.”      Sei nodded, “I want to start over.”      Livia blinked. Then shook her head. She was a little thrown by the frankness of his announcement. Then again she shouldn’t have. Sei was not one to crouch things in ambiguous terms.      “Sorry?”      “I told you months ago. I want to start over. I want to build something with you. Something stronger then what we had before.”      Livia shook her head. “No.”      Sei leaned forward. “Why not?”      “Because I cannot trust you,” Livia said as she shook her head, “You are not trustworthy.”      “Livia.”      She placed her arms onto her desk, “You ran. I told you, I was pregnant. You accused me of trying to trap you. Then jumped in one of your cars and left.”      “I was blindsided.”      Livia laughed sharply. “And I wasn’t? I had a person growing in me. I did not have months to get used to the idea of it happening. I had to deal with it then. Alone.”      “I came back.”      “And when you came back you looked like someone had put you through a meat grinder.”      “Some things happened that were not under my control.”      “Are you really trying to push the blame off of yourself?”      “No,” Sei said as he looked into her eyes, “I just wanted to explain. I loss control of things for awhile but those factors are no longer present and I learned from the experience.”      Livia studied him. His mussed hair, curved nose, and thick lips were all of the things that trapped her. He looked earnest. He sounded like he meant what he said. And Livia wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe in him.*End of ExcerptJen A. DurandCompleted WorksSecrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: SecretsJaguar Nights: LiesPearl Moon: BetrayalShadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The PlannerThe FixerThe Dreamer
Lipstick Diaries:Shy Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad BoyConfident Meets Bold
Solo Romances:The Prince’s HeartClosing The DealThings We Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesTwins For ChristmasLasting Kind Of LoveBillionaire’s Perfect Bride
The Young and The PowerfulWitch’s Reflection

Pen and Paper

I write because some words can't be spoken aloud.They stick to the base of my throat unable to make a sound.I struggle to express my thoughts but others still think that I am mute..I write because some words can't be spoken aloud.I can't explain the depths of my emotions.I can't explain the anger or my fear.I can't explain the unseen scars or the newly formed wounds..I write because some words can't be spoken aloud.My scars are deep and my voice can't express.I struggle to open my mouth and let the words form..I struggle to release the betrayal,to share the hurt.I seek understanding.I seek acknowledgment..I write because some words can't be spoken aloud.Because those who should hear,don't.Because those who should see,don'tBecause spoken words can be forgotten.But pen and paper remember all things.


Jen A. DurandCompleted Works
Secrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: SecretsJaguar Nights: LiesPearl Moon: BetrayalShadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The PlannerThe FixerThe Dreamer
Lipstick Diaries:Shy Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad BoyConfident Meets Bold
Solo Romances:The Prince’s HeartClosing The DealThings We Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesTwins For ChristmasLasting Kind Of LoveBillionaire’s Perfect Bride
The Young and The PowerfulWitch’s Reflection

Micah Jalloh - Character Growth

      Micah Jalloh is a character with a lot of hurt. His childhood honed him into a hard man. His experiences jaded him. He is married to a woman he cannot trust and spends a large amounts of time trying to avoid dealing with the feelings there. We first meet Micah in the first book Wintr’s Homecoming. His appearance is small, but his marriage is referenced. Jaguar Nights delves into the scars created by lies.      Micah and Anaya have a long history together. Since childhood, Anaya has believed in Micah and their future together. She knew deep in her soul that they belonged together. Micah loved Anaya but he hated the thought of being beholding to their tribe for life. Anaya was meant to be Queen, but he never wanted to be King.      Aware of Micah’s need for a life outside of the tribe Anaya supported him. Begged her mother, Queen Desta to give him time to see more of the world. A series of decisions and hurt, shatters their friendship, and created a division in their marriage.      Now the parents of a beautiful little girl, Anaya has had enough. Living in a loveless marriage has weighed on her shoulders and is breaking off parts of her soul. She offers Micah an out. They continue to parent and lead their people, but they each discretely take lovers. Micah falters when he is faced with a reality check he never considered before. Could Anaya ever be with another man?

Here is an exclusive of Jaguar Nights –Excerpt from Chapter 3
      His dreads were bound by a strip of leather but still trailed his shoulders. They had grown a few inches since the last time she had been with him. Her fingers itched to be buried in it and feel it’s texture.      Micah pulled on his boxers then climbed onto the bed careful not to let any part of him touch her. The bed dipped slightly as anticipation and desperation sensitized her skin. The smell of his freshly washed skin teased her.       He did not reach for the covers or try to get another pillow from beneath her head. Anaya had stolen one of his. She just wanted a different interaction with him. Something different from the contact they had earlier. Something ordinary amongst couples.      Her sin could be forgiven by God. But Micah? Sometimes it seemed as if she would never pay enough penance to him. He needed the hurt more then he needed her. Anaya was tired of bowing to his need. She wanted to feel loved and worshipped by a man.      She had not come to New York to just fight with her husband. She came to inform him of a decision she had made. Anaya was done serving penance for her past mistakes.****1864      Bullets could not kill him but that did not mean he did not feel the pain. A soldier had gotten off a luck shot before Micah could take him down. The confederates were a determined lot. Even in the face of Micah covered in viscous blood they still fought.      Legends had already started to circulate about the Union soldier who could defeat an entire battalions on his own. When Micah had gotten off the ship and saw how blacks were treated. His anger had filled him with purpose. Finally a war in need of his strength.      “Take deep even breaths and grip the mattress tight please.”      “This is not necessary.”      “Please grip the bed.”      Micah took a deep breath as the girl before him dug into the wound in search of the bullet. He tried to tell her repeatedly that she was not needed. She did not need to dig out the bullet. The girl would not listen. Instead she insisted on trying to find it. Pain tore through his leg as she dug into the wound.      Her head was bent low. All he could see was the top of her short black Afro. Pain pierced Micah’s leg as her fingers found what she was looking for and she slowly pulled the small metal ball out. His other wounds were already starting to heal and that was the only bullet to hit him.      The rest had missed as he tore through the other side’s line of defense. He gritted his teeth in frustration. The pain did not bother him per say but he was eager to rejoin the fight. The wound could not heal if she kept poking her fingers into it.      The woman smiled as she held up the ball like she had found a prize. She was attractive. Brown skin beneath a layer of dirt, wide hazel brown eyes, and light pink lips. She did not have the same beaten down spirit most women in the war camps had.       “The doctor should be by to check on you soon. I will just clean and wrap the wound.”      Micah nodded as she dropped the ball into an empty bowl beside her and set to work again. He watched as she washed her hands again.  She then picked up a white cloth soaked in a substance that smelled like whiskey.      He tilted his head as he stared at her with interest. “Micah.”      The girl frowned as she looked up from her work, “Micah?”      “My name is Micah.”      Her face cleared as she smiled again. It brightened her entire visage. She smiled with such abandon. How could one who had seen all that they had seen still be so cheerful? What gave her that brightness?      “Imaani.”*End of Excerpt*
      Micah has to learn to forgive and let go of the past, as well as face his own mistakes.
Jen A. DurandCompleted WorksSecrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: SecretsJaguar Nights: LiesPearl Moon: BetrayalShadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The PlannerThe FixerThe Dreamer
Lipstick Diaries:Shy Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad BoyConfident Meets Bold
Solo Romances:The Prince’s HeartClosing The DealThings We Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesTwins For ChristmasLasting Kind Of LoveBillionaire’s Perfect Bride
The Young and The PowerfulWitch’s Reflection

The Brokenhearted – Anaya Jalloh

           They should have left that night. Her and her mother should have left the night Imaani left. Micah's wife had run away from everything with just the clothes on her back. The woman had left the man Anaya wanted almost as badly as she needed her next breath. Pain pierced her chest as she opened the door to his study. The scent of alcohol washed over her as she slipped in.           The servants avoided this room. Micah’s temper terrified them. His growls warned of danger. The broken glass and furniture was a hazard. Anaya gripped the skirt of her dress and slowly approached him. His head was bent low. His cotton white shirt was soiled beyond repair. His pants were ripped.            “Get out.”            “I don’t think I will.” Her voice held steady.            Glass crunched beneath the soles of her shoes as she approached him. Sunlight filtered down on them, warming her skin and casting a harsh light on the destruction. He blamed her. She was his scrape goat. The reason, his lies had fallen to dust once the truth came to rear its head.           Micah slowly lifted his head. His dreads falling back as he lifted a bottle half filled with what looked like whiskey. He brought the bottle to his lips and took a swig before throwing the bottle at her face. Anaya ducked and jumped as the bottle hit the wall to her left. Her heart shuddered as her eyes filled with tears.           He was supposed to be her protector. Her beloved. Yet he was the only man who could bring her to tears. Anaya stumbled a step before she steeled herself. Her mother was beginning to grow impatient. She saw this situation as proof of Anaya’s weakness. How could she lead the tribe when she could not curb her mate?           “Get. Out.”            Anaya stood before him. “You always hurt me.”           “Get out.”           “You stab me in the heart.”           “Leave than.”           Anaya looked down at the ground carefully before lowering herself to her knees. The waxed wooden floors were hard on her knees, but it was nothing compared to what the man before caused. The skirt of her dress flowed out around her. The colorful pattern adding a deceptive feeling of cheer. Anaya tucked her feet together and looked into his dark brown eyes. Her unshed tears blurred her vision just a bit.           “I have been your best friend.”           “You are a curse.”           “I have loved you for as long as I have known what love is.” Anaya heard the heartbreak in his voice and it tore at her.           “You let your jealousy ruin me.” Micah sneered at her.           Shaking her head in denial she met his angry gaze. “I have tried to give you everything.”           “You wanted to trap me.”           Anaya’s breath deserted her. The hatred in his eyes was pure and it hit her like a punch in the gut. This was not her doing. It was his. He lied to Imani. Hid the most important parts of himself from her. Yet, she was the destroyer?           “You betrayed me.”           “No." Micah growled. "You did the betraying. You hated that I wanted someone else. To be something else. So you destroyed everything.”           Anaya shook her head. “Imaani ran from the truth. From the shattered lies you told her.”           “You have destroyed all of my trust.”           It was as if they were having two separate conversations. He heard nothing she said. Her hands clenched as she fought down her sadness and anger to reach for her empathy. They could rip each other apart or begin to heal the wounds already inflicted. He needed to blame someone. Anaya had given him she could. She could give him this. If they could get away from this.           "I begged you to love me. Trust me. To stay by my side. You left and I... I forgave you. So forgive me." Anaya begged as tears fell from her eyes
Jen A. DurandCompleted WorksSecrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: SecretsJaguar Nights: LiesPearl Moon: BetrayalShadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The PlannerThe FixerThe Dreamer
Lipstick Diaries:Shy Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad BoyConfident Meets Bold
Solo Romances:The Prince’s HeartClosing The DealThings We Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesTwins For ChristmasLasting Kind Of LoveBillionaire’s Perfect Bride
The Young and The PowerfulWitch’s Reflection

The Billionaire's Perfect Bride Excerpt

The first meeting arranged between the two of them by the agency had been in a private room of a small Korean teahouse. They sat across from each other in silence as their waitress filled their cups and placed dishes loaded with an assortment of pastries.It had taken her days to settle on an outfit. She kept on second-guessing herself and casting ideas to the side. This was her potential husband. Should she cover up? Show a little leg? Reveal her cleavage?Was he a breast man?Would she like him? She’d seen his picture and read his file. On paper, he was perfect. A real life Prince Charming. But in reality he could have been a boor.She’d finally settled on her favorite bright reddish orange wrap dress. It fell right beneath her knees and gave her skin a special glow. Her hair had been tamed into a milkmaid braid and she kept her makeup low key.He asked her pointed and direct questions. Kept his answers to hers short and clipped. When he was satisfied, Jay handed her a card and a blue ring box.“Call me when you are ready for the next steps.”She’d been stunned into silence. Unable to truly comprehend what those words meant. She watched as he made his exit and slumped forward.This marriage wasn’t a perfect solution. She didn’t know Jay. He didn’t know her. This wouldn’t be one of those love stories she dreamed of. It was a business relationship. A contract marriage. Hopefully they would have a friendship of sorts.Her mother was getting better, but she needed round the clock care. Bills were piling up. It didn’t matter how good she was… Bianca couldn’t work the hours she needed to and be the daughter she wanted to be to the mother she loved.Call her naive… She’d always thought her wedding would be the day she tied her body and soul to a man who knew everything about her. Instead she’d married a man who only know whatever her background check reveled.“You didn’t have to do this.”“I wanted to. When I went through the process. I was alone. My closest friend thought I was crazy and I couldn’t tell my mother. She would have never let me go through with it.”“Mrs. Bryd said you were her best success story. In the database a barely week before you made your connection and married your husband.”“She must really trust you.”“She knows I am desperate and her services are my only lifeline.”“Still to break confidentiality…”“I needed to talk to someone about whether this is truly the right step for me.”Isabella Elliot took a seat at the island in the center of Bianca’s kitchen as she fixed the two of them cups of coffee. She was a pretty woman. Tall with a dark smooth complexion, medium roast brown eyes, and with dark brown locs dipped on the ends with blond.“What are your concerns?”“All of it is a concern. The idea of marrying a stranger. Sleeping with him. Building a life with him. Divorce is a whole lot more complicated with it comes to arrangements such as these.”Bianca turned on her coffee maker and pulled two gray mugs from her white glass paned cabinet. “True Match Arrangements takes a lot of care with the people they take on as clients. The background checks and interviews are invasive and expansive. I get the fear. When I signed up, I was sure I would never get through it or match up with someone.”“And now you have all of this.” Isabella breathed in awe as she looked around the room.Her home was impressive. Jay had paid for the best of everything and made sure his most trusted foreman ran point on every installation. Money made even renovations easy.“I do and it would mean nothing if I was married to the wrong person. What Jay and I have isn’t love. Maybe it can become love in the future, but right now… It just isn’t. We do work well together. I support him and he supports me. The fact that I came into this marriage with substantially less means nothing because we are equals.”“You have only been married for a few weeks.”Bianca walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out the creamer. “A few months, yeah.”“And everything is perfect?”“No.”Was there such a thing as perfect? None of her previous relationships qualified. Love was a raw emotion. It cast a shadow on every thought and every decision. What she had with Jay wasn’t like that. His touch set her on fire and when she had his attention it was like she’d been given a treat. When he talked about himself, she felt their connection grow.She did not focus on the negatives. Instead she focused on the fact that her mother was getting the care she needed. Bianca was bringing in the types of clients that could lead to a promotion. Her life worked better with Jay in it.“Jay works all the time. Is horrible about communicating and can be absentminded.” Bianca started to pour their coffee. “Just because we were matched doesn’t mean we are perfect. It is like any other marriage. It takes work. Little by little, I am getting to know him and he is getting to know me.”“So you have no regrets?”Handing her a steaming cup, Bianca slipped onto the bar stool across from her. “I don’t live my life with regrets. That is too heavy of a burden.”She lifted her cup and placed her elbows on the counter. “If you are asking me if I want to exchange the position I am in now… I don’t.”Isabella said nothing as Bianca continued. “I don’t need a husband who comes home at a set hour. I work odd hours as well. I am pretty good about spelling out what I want, so I do not need a husband who is great at picking up on cues. Jay does his best to keep me happy and I do my best to keep him happy.”“And you don’t feel like something is missing?”“I am a romantic. I wanted the years of dating, fairytale wedding, and the two point five children. I want to grow old with the same man I am spending these years with. I made the decision to bypass one of those things and hope for the rest. I had the wedding and eventually we will have the kids. I truly think he and I could have the kind of marriage that lasts until we are both well into our eighties.”“That doesn’t really answer my question.”“No I don’t feel like I am missing anything. And if you go through with this and you feel like you are? Let it go. Walk away because you won’t make it anyway.”Isabella pushed a hand through her hair. “You have given me a lot to think about.”“It isn’t an easy decision to make.”“Can I call you from time to time to talk?”
Bianca nodded, “that would be nice.”

Jen A. DurandCompleted WorksSecrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: SecretsJaguar Nights: LiesPearl Moon: BetrayalShadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The PlannerThe FixerThe Dreamer
Lipstick Diaries:Shy Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad BoyConfident Meets Bold
Solo Romances:The Prince’s HeartClosing The DealThings We Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesTwins For ChristmasLasting Kind Of LoveBillionaire’s Perfect Bride
The Young and The PowerfulWitch’s Reflection

A Simple Touch

I feel him before our skin makes contact.A heat flows through my body,As a chill causes the hair on my skin to rise.
Anticipation makes my blood throb.To me he is like air.His touch causes an excitement I wish I could harness.His voice elicits moans of submission.
When it happens?When that sweet caress touches on my body?I give an involuntary shudder.
Nirvana.It is a drug.My drug.His simple touch.
Jen A. DurandCompleted WorksSecrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: SecretsJaguar Nights: LiesPearl Moon: BetrayalShadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The PlannerThe FixerThe Dreamer
Lipstick Diaries:Shy Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad BoyConfident Meets Bold
Solo Romances:The Prince’s HeartClosing The DealThings We Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesTwins For ChristmasLasting Kind Of LoveBillionaire’s Perfect Bride
The Young and The PowerfulWitch’s Reflection

Woman

She is strong, not because she needs to be.
But because she was born to be.
Grace kissed her brow at birth,
and wisdom follows her through age.
She does not submit,
but gives honor.
When her head bows it is only in acknowledgement.
She is strong, not because she needs to be.
But because she was born to be.
She creates life, brings warmth, and gives unyielding loyalty.
She does not submit. She gives honor. Grace kissed her brow at birth. Wisdom follows her through age.Jen A. DurandCompleted WorksSecrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: SecretsJaguar Nights: LiesPearl Moon: BetrayalShadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The PlannerThe FixerThe Dreamer
Lipstick Diaries:Shy Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad BoyConfident Meets Bold
Solo Romances:The Prince’s HeartClosing The DealThings We Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesTwins For ChristmasLasting Kind Of LoveBillionaire’s Perfect Bride
The Young and The PowerfulWitch’s Reflection

The Chaser Man or Woman?

The other day I was talking with a friend. Tall and model thin, J is an interesting mix of confident and insecure. Smart, beautiful, and funny. J like me, Jen, is the type of woman to see what she likes and what she does not like. Maybe it is because of the first initial of our names? *Kidding, but maybe not.

I have seen her walk up to the man that she wants and tell him she finds him attractive. I have also seen her look in the mirror and complain about non-existant belly fat and acne. J and I were walking in the city and talking about the state of our dating lives. About men and our approach to flirting. *This was of course after we had a very smart conversation about international law and politics. (Must always pass the Bechdel-Wallace Test).

She talked about how men do not always have to make the first move and how sometimes it is up to us as women to make our interest known. I listened, then disagreed.


Head strong, I am the type of woman who truly believes that women and men should be equal in rights and power. It frustrates me to no end when people talk about gender roles and perpetuate the idea that woman are supposed to be completely subservient to a man. Growing up in a Caribbean household, I was taught that as a young woman I had to be educated like a man and still cook, serve, clean, and welcome a man who occasional took out the trash and did some yard work.

Raised by a single mom who did all of those things and was still left by her husband, I decided to go a different route. I decided that instead of cooking, serving, and cleaning, for a man in an effort to keep him. I would look for a partner. Someone who would match my qualities and be my partner. The first test of that is your ability to overcome whatever misapprehension you have to talk to me first.

Not behind a computer screen or a some app. But here in reality. Show me your "metal", because if I have to approach you? Then I just won't. Not based out of fear, but based off a , perhaps flawed perception, of gift wrapping myself for a man.

I have this urge to state that I love men. I love, love. I also read romance books like a starving person inhales pub style onion rings and a burger. But I do not always like how subservient the woman are to the men. Independence is not just saying what you want. It is also making moves with autonomy that acknowledges the partnership that has been entered into, but also supports individualism.


Completed WorksSecrets, Lies, and Betrayal Series:Wintr’s Homecoming: Secrets Jaguar Nights: Lies Pearl Moon: Betrayal Shadowy Lights: FearCold Sun: Obsession
The Virgins Club:The Planner The Fixer 
Lipstick Diaries:She Meets BoldWicked Meets Bad Boy
Confident Meets Cold

The Prince’s Heart Things Left UnsaidStuck Between Two MillionairesLasting Kind Of LoveTwins For ChristmasClosing The Deal