R.E. Vance's Blog, page 3

Creature Feature: Tanuki

On the advent of Buddhism, all animals (other than those that became envoys to the gods) lost their divinity. The tanuki was obviously one of these, and I can’t imagine it was very happy about it. You see, rumour has it that before Buddhism the cute little Japanese raccoon dog occupied a very powerful position - as governor of all things in nature. So if you had a problem with the way things were organised, then you’d go visit your local tanuki.

Following this fall from grace, the tanuki became a yokai known as the Bake-danuki (ghost or evil spirit) - but it’s far different from the terrifying spirits we have come to know from Japanese horror. Bake-danuki is a prankster, and particularly enjoys shapeshifting into objects, people and animals to fool us. If shapeshifting wasn’t enough, they’re also gifted with the ability to possess humans.

There is a saying in Japanese that the fox has seven disguises, the tanuki has eight, which puts the tanuki above the fox on the scale of animals-you-should-not-trust - that’s not to say that the tanuki is incapable of doing good for others, however. In one of the most famous folktales a rescued tanuki rewards the poverty-stricken rescuer by turning into teapot, which the rescuer then sells to a monk for a good price. The tanuki struggles against the heat of the flames and turns back into a tanuki, it returns to the poor man with a better idea; to set up a stall showing a teapot walking a tightrope. The show is a hit. The poor man becomes wealthy, and they both become close friends. 

 

There are many, many tales like this about the tanuki, and over the years the little Japanese raccoon dog has appeared in a large number of artworks. The most hilarious being those produced in the Edo period, which emphasised the tanuki’s impressively large testicles. In the paintings, the tanuki uses its balls as boats, sails or boats, umbrellas, large sacks, cloaks… it’s quite impressive. Purses and wallets made of tanuki testicals are a good luck charm, that will stretch the value of the coins placed inside. 

Singing Bones, and Skeletal Instruments

Image from RadioDark

Many believe that bones of the deceased contain spiritual properties that live on beyond the decay of flesh. Ghost stories and hauntings, for example, can often be traced back to the act of disrespecting burial sites. Stepping on graves, uncovering buried bones, or removing parts of the skeleton and placing them elsewhere disturb the peaceful dead. For these people our bones become a home after death - a place in which our spirit rests.

The most disturbing hauntings come from the bones of those who experienced trauma after death. These remains have stories to tell, and wander the physical world seeking revenge for the actions that caused their death - but not every body becomes a ghost, as we see in The Singing Bone by the Brothers Grimm.

‘In a certain country there was once great lamentation over a wild boar that laid waste the farmer's fields, killed the cattle, and ripped up people's bodies with his tusks.’  The king promised his daughter's hand to the man who brought him the boar's body. Two poor brothers set out across the land to find the animal - the younger innocent and simple, from a kind heart, and the elder crafty and shrewd, out of pride. The eldest pauses for wine at a nearby house so as to ‘bolster his courage’, whilst the youngest continues onwards and kills the boar.

On the return journey, the youngest passes the house where the eldest had stopped. He is coaxed inside by the elder brother, and drinks with him. He informs him about the boar he has killed, and the elder is jealous - but hides this. On the long walk home the elder brother pushes his younger sibling from a bridge. he takes the boar and marries the princess.

Years later a farmer finds a shard of bone downriver. He fashions this into a mouthpiece for his horn, which, once attached, begins to sing by itself!

Ah, friend, thou blowest upon my bone!

L ong have I lain beside the water;

My brother slew me for the boar,

And took for his wife the King's young daughter.

He takes it immediately to the King, who orders the remains dug up. Under the bridge they find the body of the younger brother, and the King orders the older brother killed for his actions.

There is a similar tale by the name of the Twa Sisters, which features sisters rather than brothers. The eldest sister drowns the younger - usually in jealousy - and the bones are washed ashore years later. A musician fashions them into a harp made of bone with strings made from her hair. As in The Singing Bone the instrument plays itself, and tells the musician of the sisters demise. The elder sister is tracked down and held accountable for her crimes. 

 

(another great article by Hayden Westfield-Bell: Paradise Lot's Blogger-at-Large!)

4 Incredibly Dramatic Apocalypses

Apocalypses aren't fun. That said, some apocalypses are better than others. This article isn't about those fun, easy-going apocalypses. No, no, no... These apocalypses are positively horrible. 

Enjoy and pray for the Rapture.

Hindu

Hindu’s are on the lookout for Kalki, the final incarnation of Vishnu who is described as riding a white horse and wielding a flaming sword. He brings about the apocalypse, but not in the standard sense of the destruction of the world - he’s more of a revolutionary character, changing the world for the better.

See, according to Hindu tradition we’re living in the Kali Yuga period, which is far from ideal. It’s the worst period to be living in, in fact, and it only gets worse from here. It is an era of religious, moral, and social degeneration, and the world falls with it; there will be an abundance of natural calamities, dishonesty will prevail over honesty, war will tear the land apart, the average lifespan will shorten to less than 23 years… it’s not pretty.

During Kali Yuga;

Social status depends not upon your accomplishments, but in the ownership of property; wealth is now the source of virtue; passion and luxure are the sole bonds between spouses; falsity and lying are the conditions of success in life; sexuality is the sole source of human enjoyment; religion, a superficial and empty ritual, is confused with spirituality.

Vishnu Purana

Then Kalki appears and forms a pious army, and together they will purge the world of evil. Those left behind will be pure of soul and will slowly rebuild. Then comes the good part: Satya Yuga, a kind of golden age where every man and woman will live for 4000 years and everything you make will turn out perfect - thinking about replacing those wobbly shelves on the bedroom wall? Wait until Satya Yuga, then they’ll turn out perfect.

It’s important to remember the cyclic nature inherent in Hinduism, and that Satya Yuga is just the beginning of yet another cycle that will end in the coming of Kalki. It must be exhausting business, driving the evil from the world every four million years.

 

Buddhist 

Buddhist eschatology shares many similarities with the Hindu - namely that a figure is born who will save the world from complete ruin, and teach mankind how to be moral again. In the case of Buddhism this figure is Buddha Maitreya, who will be born in a period of heavy unrest - where violence, sexual depravity general weakness, poverty, lust and greed have taken over society as we know it.

Maitreya does all the lovely stuff and brings us back from the brink of spiritual destruction, but all we really want to know is how big the explosions are. The ‘Sermon of the Seven Suns’ describes how in the end times seven suns will rise into the sky - each destroying aspects of the earth until we’ve all gone.

There will come a season, O monks, when after hundreds of thousands of years, rains will cease. All seedlings, all vegetation, all plants, grasses and trees will dry up and cease to be...There comes another season after a great lapse of time when a second sun will appear. Now all brooks and ponds will dry up, vanish, cease to be.

Aňguttara-Nikăya, VII, 6.2 Pali Canon

Each sun dries up more and more of the land, the fifth sun dries the oceans, and then the final suns bake the earth progressively more until the whole land becomes a ball of flame.

Information concerning the degeneration of mankind before the coming of Maitreya is somewhat scarce, but sources argue that much like in Hinduism the average lifespan will shorten dramatically - to 10 years.

 

Aztec

The Aztecs easily have one the most interesting legends surrounding the end of the world, that of the ‘Five Suns’. Their end-time is deeply ingrained with actions taken in the present - see, the Aztecs believed that the current sun was the fifth sun, and that to ensure its continued existence the sun must be nourished by sacrifices.

So, why sun number five? The first sun was Tezcatlipoca, who shone over a fresh planet of giants. Quetzalcoatl grew envious of his brother Tezcatlipoca, which ended in Quetzalcoatl knocking Tezcatlipoca from the sky. The world darkened when he fell, and in a fit of rage Tezcatlipoca killed all the giants with jaguars.

Smaller humans were created, and Quetzalcoatl became the new sun. Many many years passed and the humans began to ignore the gods. Tezcatlipoca raged again (seriously, get this guy a muzzle) and turned all the humans into monkeys which deeply upset Quetzalcoatl. Quetzalcoatl actually quite liked the god-ignorant humans, so like his brother he threw a strop and blew all the monkeys off the earth with a giant hurricane.

Tlaloc became the third sun, and he did a pretty good job until Tezcatlipoca stole his wife, Xochiquetzal (you’re beginning to see how much of a problem Tezcatlipoca was). Tlaloc became upset and began to sleep in and not turn up for work on time, so a massive drought set in on Earth. The people prayed for rain continuously, and on one particularly bad day he granted them their wish - but with fire. He made it rain fire, and the world burned to ashes. Lovely.

The fourth sun was Chalchiuhtlicue, newly wedded to Tlaloc. Chalchiuhtlicue was sweet towards the people, and kind in her duties - then Tezcatlipoca the ass showed up and insulted her. She took the insult personally and started crying blood. This crying continued for over fifty years, and her tears flooded the planet and drowned everyone.

All this bloodshed angered Quetzalcoatl, so he took centre-stage again and rebirthed his humans from the underworld. Huitzilopochtli took the sun throne as the important sun number five, but he has problems with the stars. Brothers of Huitzilopochtli, the Tzitzimitl (stars) grew jealous of Huitzilopochtli’s position in the sky, and brilliant yellow light - so every night they push back against him - to try and take the sun throne and claim it to their own. The Aztecs feed Huitzilopochtli with human sacrifices, so that he goes into the night-time battle at full strength - but they also offer sacrifices to the idiot Tezcatlipoca for fear of his wrath, and they offer their own blood to Quetzalcoatl as a thank you for bringing them back to life. 

 

Ragnarok

No list would be complete without Ragnarok.

Detailed in the Prose Edda and Poetic Edda, Ragnarok is the end-time scenario of the Norse people - though much like other eschatologies, there is the potential for new life after all life has been purged from the earth.

It begins with fimbulvetr; a three season long winter that suffocates summer and prevents the growth of any kind of crop. Violent conflicts break out between tribes, nations and countries, leading to mass war and bloodshed. Who isn’t killed either starves, or freezes. This is how humanity meets its end.

Except, a man and a woman survive the winter. Lif and Lifprasir watch from the safety of a sacred wood as the winter passes. They settle down high in the branches of the tallest tree in the forest, so as to get a great view of the battling gods - but then, the light goes out. The sun and the moon are swallowed by wolves (the sons of Fenrir). The stars disappear. The ground begins to shake with such ferocity that trees are torn from the earth, and mountains slide into the sea.

The movement shakes Fenrir (a vicious wolf) free of his binds, Jormungandr (a sea serpent) is launched onto the land from the sea and Naglfar (a ship made from nails and hair of the deceased) is freed from its mooring, and sets sail across the stormy seas.

Things escalate quickly. The sky breaks in two, and the sons of the fire realm will march down through the chasm - Sutr in front of the others, wielding his blade of fire. His army joins the dark forces of Fenrir, Jormungandr, Loki and Hyrm (captain of the Naglfar) at Vigrior, a vast plane on which the gods will battle to decide the fate of the Earth.

Heimdallr summons Odin, Thor, Freyr and the rest of the Æsir with a blow on his horn. The conflict begins, and many are slain on the battlefield. In the final moments of the battle, Sutr unleashes flames that envelop the whole earth, burning everything to cinders.

But all is not lost. There is some hope. Earth will rise from the oceans once more, and Lif and Lifprasir have survived to begin the long process of repopulating the earth. Ragnarok is easily the most exciting conclusion to an apocalypse in eschatology…

 

Article by Hayden Westfield-Bell

CREATURE FEATURE: YARA-MA-YHA-WHO

It was a summers day in the outback and the heat was starting to get to me. I stopped beneath a fig tree to rest my legs, but the cool sensation of the shade quickly sent me to sleep. I woke a few hours later and opened my eyes to find two wide eyes staring back. A creature with a large red face, a massive grin, and short frog-like limbs sat crouched in front of me. I later learnt that this was a Yara-Ma-Yha-Who.

A creature of Australian Aboriginal mythology, the Yara-Ma-Yha-Who is a small red-skinned man with octopus suckers on its hands and feet. Its head is the same size as the rest of it’s body, which means it would be hard to miss in the open - but Mr Yara-Ma-Yha-Who has a thing for fig trees. It looks a lot like the Australian red-eyed tree frog, except far larger, fleshier, and deadlier.

Now be honest, have you ever checked the canopy of a tree before resting beneath it? Well, it’s time you started. The Yara-Ma-Yha-Who lurks in the branches waiting for people to pass below. he’ll let you get comfortable - he’s in no rush - then just as you’ve unpacked your sandwiches he’ll drop down from above and grab you with his leech fingers.

There’s no fighting it. The suckers are as tight on your skin as muscles are to bone. Then the sucking starts, and you watch in horror - helpless - as he sucks every last drop of blood from your body. You want it to end there, but it doesn’t. Passed out and as dry as a dried fig, the Yara-Ma-Yha-Who then swallows you whole, and wanders to a nearby body of water to quench his thirst. Sucking blood is thirsty business. This is followed by a long nap, then after he’s woken he regurgitates up your body, and you’re good as new.

 Well, almost as good as new.

You’re a little shorter than you were before. Your skin is just a little redder than before. This happens every time you’re caught by a Yara-Ma-Yha-Who; you become a little shorter, and a little redder - until you too become a Yara-Ma-Yha-Who.

There are ways of avoiding this foul creature. Playing dead, for one - he only likes the taste of fresh blood. He’s not too keen on adults either, and tends to attack children, because children are oh so tasty. 

5 FALLEN ANGELS YOU’VE PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF

When we think of fallen angels, most of us go straight to the big guy — the Devil, Satan, Lucifer, the Morning Star—pick your preferred handle. If we left our minds to linger on the topic, we’d enividebly come up with Beelzebub (thanks Freddy!). And for those of us who have read Paradise Lost or simply are interested in the subject, we might even come up with a few  other names such as Azazel, Belial, Mammon… to name a few.

But what about the other guys? The ones who populate the ranks of fallen angels who rebelled against heaven. You know the guys I’m talking about… the ones for whom corrupting humans is not only an occupation, it’s also a hobby.

Here are 5 fallen angels you’ve probably never heard of but were instrumental in the war for heaven and our souls: 

 

Xaphan

The original pyromaniac, Xaphan is a demon of the 2nd rank, but once-upon-a-time he was one of the apostate angels. His contribution to the whole debacle was suggesting to destroy Heaven with fire. Problem was – it’s hard to set clouds on fire.

Well, maybe it’s not… and I guess we’ll never know because Xaphan was cast into hell before he could implement his plan. His current whereabouts? Fanning the flames of the abyss with his mouth and his hands. 

 

Gadreel

If there was a mortal equivalent of Gadreel, it would be the Lord of War, ala Viktor Bout level of evil… According to the second section of the ‘Book of Enoch’, he is the guy that taught humanity warfare and is the third of the five satans who convinced angels to fornicate with humans.

Not much is written about him, but I like to think that he is the ‘Walking Dude’ in Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’.

 

Chayyliel

Chayyliel is responsible for Catholic School. Ok—no, he’s not. But a lot of the strict nun policies were taken out of his playbook. He is the angel before whom ‘all the children of heaven do tremble’ and is also responsible for flogging fellow angels who fail to sing the Trisagion with lashes of fire.

Oh—and he can give you quite the tongue thrashing too for his mouth is so large it can ‘swallow the whole earth in one moment in a mouthful’.

 

Beleth

You know that expression, “You and what army?” Well never say that to Beleth. Ever. Beleth is the commander of 85 legions of demons. How many demons in a legion? The same number that can dance on the head of a pin – infinite. So infinity times 85 is… well, a hell of lot!

If you ever see this guy, especially riding on a pale horse and blaring a trumpet, run. Actually, scratch that. Don’t run—there’d be no point. Just fall to your knees and hope is all ends quickly.

 

Penemue

A personal favorite of mine, Penemue is the angel’s equivalent of Prometheus. According to Enoch, he is the angel that taught humankind how to read and write—not because he loved us, but because reading leads to knowledge, knowledge leads to thinking, thinking leads to sin (imagine a Yoda voice there). But don’t take my word for it. Here’s the actual quote from the Book of Enoch:

“The name of the fourth is Penemue: he discovered to the children of men bitterness and sweetness;

And pointed out to them every secret of their wisdom.

He taught men to understand writing, and the use of ink and paper.

Therefore numerous have been those who have gone astray from every period of the world, even to this day.

For men were not born for this, thus with pen and with ink to confirm their faith;

Since they were not created, except that, like the angels, they might remain righteous and pure.

Nor would death, which destroys everything, have effected them;

But by this their knowledge they perish, and by this also its power consumes them.”

So, all is all, this guy takes the prize for passive-aggressive hate towards humans. Personally, I love reading and writing, so how bad can this angel really be?

What else do we know about Penemue? Not much, except that he really, really likes Drambuie. 

 

CREATURE FEATURE: THE ENCANTADO

Who doesn’t like dolphins? People travel across the world to swim with them, to see them, and to play with them. They’re so curious and inquisitive, and very playful. What’s not to like about a dolphin?

Well, there’s the encantado…

Amazon river dolphins are kind of creepy anyway. As they get older they become more pink, which is due to the skin becoming more translucent with age. ‘Yayy! Cute!’ You may be thinking, but it’s actually a little uncomfortable. They start to look like sea dwelling humans - and this is where the encantado comes in.

When night falls, the pink dolphins sometimes come to the shore and shape-shift into smartly dressed human beings. In most stories they form as men which walk across the countryside listening for the sound of beating drums. The encantado love to dance - much like the Deer Woman in a previous post - and they seek out the nearest festival to dance, but also to sleep with women.

Much like in animal form, the shape-shifted dolphin is a real sexy character. He’s often very attractive, communicative and playful. He looks and acts just like any other man, although he’s strangely defensive about his hat. Removing it would expose the one piece of him he cannot alter; his blowhole.

The encantado woos a woman and sleeps with them, but makes sure to return to the water the following morning before he turns back into a dolphin. The poor women wake up the following morning to find their handsome suitor gone, and not long later they realise they are also pregnant. Impregnated by a marine mammal - is there anything worse?

The encantados are part of a wider group of mythological creature, who live in various utopias in which they are immortal, very wealthy, and free from the pains of human life. However, these creatures occasionally ‘invade’ the human world to have a little fun - sleep with some women, cause a bit of chaos…

The encantos specifically have a number of different powers and abilities. They are talented musicians for one, but did you ever know a musician who could manipulate the weather? How about summon illnesses, cause insanity, or even inflict sudden death on a person? The entanto can. They’ve also been known to kidnap their lovers and illegitimate children and take them back to their underwater civilisation, called Encante. Those who are kidnapped are never seen again.

Still want to swim with dolphins?