Tim Heaton's Blog, page 4
November 14, 2019
Expletives: How to Say $hit in Southern
Here are the exclamations you are most likely to hear.
Ain’t that the berries!
Meaning: That is great!
Bless your pea picking little heart!
Rather than: Fragonard!
These Yankees!
Rather than: Those jerks!
Doesn’t that just beat all you ever stepped in?
Rather than: What the whale?
Don’t rush on my account!
Meaning: Hurry up, dang it!
That takes the rag off the bush.
Note: This refers to the practice of leaving one’s clothes on a bush while skinny dipping. If someone else happened by, they might take your clothes, i.e. your ‘rags’ as a joke.
For lands sake!
Rather than: For Pete’s sake!
Gad night a livin’!
Rather than: Sockmonkey!
Gather at the River!
Rather than: Yikes!
Going to Hell in a handbasket!
Rather than: We’re doomed!
Good God almighty!
Rather than: Jeez of Nazareth!
Good heavenly days!
Rather than: Sweet Mother of the Lord!
Great day in the morning!
Rather than: Mother of Macaulay Culkin!
Hellfire and damnation!
Rather than: Mother Scratch!
Hells’ bells!
Rather than: Holy balls!
Hissy fit with a tail on it.
Rather than: Watch out for that one!
I am losing my religion!
Rather than: Jiminy Christmas!
I declare!
Rather than: Holy Mackerel!
I swannie!
Note: Many old folks would not say the word “swear.”
I’ll be dipped and rolled in cracker crumbs!
Rather than: Butt cakes!
I’ll dance at your wedding!
Note: Formerly meant “thank you,” often used sarcastically today
I’ll fly away, Ole Glory!
Rather than: Oh forget that!
If it ain’t bedbugs, it’s ants!
Rather than: When it rains it pours.
In all my born days!
Rather than: Oh no!
Katie, bar the door!
Rather than: Mother of Pearl!
Lord help me over the fence!
Rather than: Jesus H. Christ on a Popsicle stick!
Lord only knows – and he ain’t telling!
Rather than: Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
Lordy, Lordy, who shot Shorty?
Rather than: Great God almighty!
My stars and garters!
Rather than: My heart!
Quit hollering down the rain.
Rather than: Odds my bodkins!
Holler fire and save the matches!
Rather than: You’re a jerk!
Snap my garters!
Rather than: Well, box my peanuts!
Stop that carrying on!
Rather than: Quit that noise!
Swat my hind with a melon rind!
Rather than: Crapola!
Sweet fancy Moses on buttered toast!
Rather than: Crime in Italy!
That is just sorreee. (Sorry)
Rather than: Holy guacamole!
That sticks in my craw.
Rather than: Great Caesar’s Ghost!
That’s a fine how de’ ya’ do!
Rather than: Farfinpoopin!
Well color me stupid!
Rather than: Moron!
Well cut off my legs and call me shorty!
Rather than: Knock your socks off!
Well hush my mouth!
Rather than: Lo and behold!
Well I never!
Rather than: Jumpin’ Jahosafat!
Well knock me down and steal my teeth!
Rather than: Oh Heck! and Jesus Help Me Holy Ghost!
Well slap my head and call me silly!
Rather than: Heavens to Betsy!
Well thank you, Billy Sunday!
Note: William “Billy” Sunday (1862 –1935) was a professional baseball player in the 1880s, and became the most celebrated and influential American evangelist early 20th century.
Well, go to war Miss Mitchell!
Note: The author of “Gone with the Wind,” Margaret Mitchell.
What in tarnation!
Rather than: Horse Hockey!
You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.
Rather than: Tit for tat!
October 24, 2019
Luck, both kinds
Luck is often a double edged sword. Here are the Southern sayings for both kinds of luck
Luck is often a double edged sword. Here are the Southern sayings for both kinds of luck.
A wing and a prayer.
Also: All’s well that ends.
Even a blind hog finds an acorn every once in a while.
Rather than: Even a blind squirrel can find a nut.
Good Luck says, “Open your mouth and shut your eyes.”
Fact: Journal of Sensory Studies, has determined that the seeing does actually change the perceived flavors of food.
He’s riding the gravy train with biscuit wheels.
Meaning: He has been very lucky up to now.
I could fall into a barrel of teats and come out sucking my thumb; He could sit on the fence and the birds would feed him.
”I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
If he fell into an outhouse he’d come up smelling like a rose.
Never bet on a loser because you think his luck is bound to change.
It doesn’t take a prophet to predict bad luck.
”We must believe in luck; for how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like.” Jean Cocteau
The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time.
”As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.” Josh Billings
You must not be holding your mouth right. (Or living your life right)
Note: A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.
October 23, 2019
Good Eating
There is no such think as BBQ anything but pork.
If it can’t be cooked with bacon
grease, it ain’t worth making, let alone eating.
Note: Bacon grease for anything
you’d use butter for and it lasts indefinitely.
If you go away clean you ain’t
eating it right.
Note: Often said while eating
BBQ – that is pork, slow cooked. Maybe beef.
It was so good it would have
brought tears to a glass eye.
Note: Artificial eyes are
usually German made and like toys, they were made by families of peasant
artisans living in the Black Forest or other remote regions.
