Kristin Cashore's Blog, page 25

Locating the Moon

There are stretches of time in my writing life when I wake up eager to work and have one productive day after another. Then there are stretches like this week, when I wake up feeling like it's intolerable to be on page 12 of a difficult 400-page revision, and am I really supposed to be in charge of making all these decisions? Is it really up to me and only me to decide what's best at every moment? To figure out the solution to a lot of complicated problems? By myself, in this room today for hours?

It becomes difficult to keep my focus small. Instead of the group of pages that are my small task for today, with a small list of objectives, I start thinking about all the changes the book needs as a whole, and I get overwhelmed. I start thinking about how many days this big revision is likely to take, while my editor and other people are waiting, and I get overwhelmed. My friends might find me to be a little bit glum, because during these times, I tend to see the world through revision-colored glasses. Honestly, I feel like I'm five years old and scared and need hugs.

All of this is why this morning, I went online to find out the state of the moon. Here in the Boston area, the moon is a tiny waxing crescent today that sets at 9:13 PM. This explains why haven't seen the moon for ages: it's been up during the day, and very small. But I'm going to make a point of finding it today. One of the things that kicks me out of this rotten feeling about my revision – consequently making it easier for me to sit down and do the actual work – is to step back, far, far back, and get some perspective on how little this revision actually matters. For example, how much would this revision matter if someone were looking at it from the moon?

The funny thing is that two opposite answers exist at the same time. It would matter hardly at all; look: it's so, so small when seen from the moon. Often I like to back up even further, get myself out into the further reaches of the galaxy, so that the sun is just a dim dot. None of the things that feel overwhelming to me here in my office feel overwhelming to me if I'm looking at them from some other part of the galaxy. I find it intensely relieving to be reminded of how small we all are and how little it all matters. My life is a tiny little speck of a thing.

Yet it also clarifies how important every tiny thing is. The universe is a big mystery made up of tiny things. We are tiny, but our lives are intense dramas that matter. This revision doesn't matter, but it matters a whole lot to me.

I'm not sure why, but every time I'm able to get this kind of perspective, it becomes easier to sit down and work.

Rainy Randutiae for a Sunday

As I'd hoped, a number of friends emailed me with suggestions of superhero role models for girls. So many, in fact, that I'm going to have to set aside some time to organize it all before I post it – but it will be forthcoming. Unfortunately, most of the suggestions were for teen readers and older, which leaves the youngest girls waiting, but it was encouraging. Many, many thanks to those of you who reached out :o)I'm listening to Peter Gabriel's more recent album Up – one of his darker albums. I love these lyrics, from "Darkness," which is a song that reminds me of early Peter Gabriel (the self-titled albums), mainly in the way he balances silence and sweetness with crashing noise – this sentence has gotten ridiculous, but here are the lyrics I love: "I have my fears / but they do not have me."I've gotten a few of my friends to start using Siri to dictate on their iPhones. (If you have an iPhone and there is a little microphone symbol on your keyboard, you can do this, too.) This means that now I get to enjoy other people's dictation frustrations. Recently, from codename: Cordelia: "So it looks like my phone can do FaceTime? Not sure though – I pressed FaceTime on your contact and it started raining. I have no idea what that means though. Actually, it did not start raining, though that would have been quite an omen." And from a friend who was giving me some personal advice: "Of course none of this is a moral issue or anything – I'm just thinking in terms of what would be most thanks traducing. Actually, thanks inducing is what I meant. Angst inducing!! My god, I'm beginning to think Siri doesn't have an exit stencil bone in her body. OMG! She can't even say exit stencil!"Rebecca Rabinowitz has a great article up at xoJane called "I have CFIDS, and I'm Probably Sicker Than You Think." I'm of the opinion that everyone should read it.While I'm at xoJane, I like Lesley Kinzel's article, "Dirty Dancing Is a Subversive Masterpiece and Here are Four Reasons Why." Probably the most touching moment for me in this movie, which I can recite practically from heart, is when Baby confronts her father after All the Stuff has happened. She tells him that she's sorry she lied to him – but he lied to her, too. "You told me everyone was alike and deserved a fair break," she says. "But you meant everyone who was like you. You told me you wanted me to change the world, to make it better. But you meant by becoming a lawyer or an economist and marrying someone from Harvard.... I'm sorry I let you down. I'm so sorry, Daddy. But you let me down too." They're both crying, and you can tell that he (played by the magnificent Jerry Orbach) is listening, and hearing what she's saying. Perhaps because I also have a father who listens and hears, I have always loved the father/daughter relationship in this movie. *sniff* Oh, and just so you don't get the wrong idea about my father, if he had ever suggested to young me that being rich or having social status mattered, I would've bundled him into the car and taken him to the hospital, convinced he'd developed a brain tumor.

Three Weeks of Revisions, Shown in Nail Polish

When I began this revision, I was feeling a little vulnerable.
I wanted my nails to make me think of claws,
or maybe little shields.
My palette.
During the next week, things briefly got impossible
and I needed my nails to help me feel as hard as asphalt.
My palette.
This morning, I have gotten to a place of hope. :o)
My palette.

Just a Little Dance

Tui and I have been watching So You Think You Can Dance religiously for a bunch of years now. We have opinions and strong feelings. We are experts.

At the moment, the show is in the midst of its eleventh season. For all these seasons, we've watched one group number a week, which is a lot of group numbers, and I just want to state, for the record, that my favorite group number remains the original, Top 10 performance from Season 2, choreographed by Wade Robson and danced to Roisin Murphy's "Ramalama (Bang Bang)." For old times' sake, here it is. Sorry about the screaming. (If you can't see the video, go to my Blog Actual.)

Where are the superheroes for young girls?

The other day, my sister, codename: Cordelia, texted me to ask if I knew of any comic-style superhero storybooks for five-year-olds, starring girls. Here's an excerpt of her text: "They [Cordelia's twin daughters] love Batman, Spiderman, Thor, Superman, wonder woman. In addition to wonder woman, do you know of any age-appropriate girl/woman superhero series? Note how Siri capitalized all of them except wonder woman."

In fact, I have noticed, on many occasions, that Siri recognizes, and properly spaces and capitalizes, all superheroes except Wonder Woman. Same with Dragon, which I'm using to dictate this post. No thanks for that extra kick in the ovaries, Apple and Dragon. (Not unrelatedly, have you heard about Apple's sexist iPad engraving policy?)

No thanks to the comics industry, either, for presenting Cordelia with this very real dilemma. What to give young girls who are interested in superheroes? Nina Jaffe/Ben Caldwell's Wonder Woman series for young readers? Out of print. Supergirl for young readers? Out of print. I walked into one of our wonderful local comics stores yesterday and asked for advice. The guy behind the counter lamented with me. I left with nothing.

Here are the few suggestions I've managed to collect from friends of mine: Rapunzel's Revenge, by the fabulous Shannon Hale, her husband Dean Hale, and Nathan Hale (no relation). Zita the Spacegirl, by Ben Hatke. And of course, there are some female superheroes among the X-Men. My hope is that those of my friends who read my blog are now going to email me with many more wonderful and exciting suggestions. If this happens, I will be sure to pass them on to my blog readers.

In related news, thank you, Nancy Werlin, for informing me today that Marvel's next Thor will be a woman, written by Jason Aaron with art by Russell Dauterman. Super cool. You know what would be amazingly cool? If more mainstream comics were written or illustrated by women.

I honestly feel a bit bored with myself as I write this post, because nothing in it is news. But complacency is part of the problem. So. There you have it. This problem has always existed, it still exists, and we are SOOOOOOOOO sick of it.

Transitioning to a Revision

This is what focus looks like.
Here in the office, we are transitioning from writing the new book to revising, for the second time, one of the old books. (I enumerate my current projects here; the book I'm about to start revising is the one I refer to as the "second book" in that post.) Unbeknownst to me, a friend snapped a picture while I was explaining to him my method of, um, organization. Normally, anyone besides me taking pictures in my office is asking for it, but I was rather pleased with this result, because I feel like it expresses well what the beginning of a revision is like: Everything is starting to crystallize, but it looks (and feels) an awful lot like everything is coming apart.

Hanging on the wall behind me is the book plan to the book I'm about to revise. (The old book plan. I will take all those cards down and put up new ones once I know the new revision plan.) The crumpled orange pile to my left is the book plan of the new book I was writing last week, which I no longer care about, AT ALL, because when I'm working on one book, I pretty much forget about the other books. The pages strewn across my floor are, well, various revision pages I'm sorting through. I will organize them and deal with them. Once I've dealt with them I will put them in the recycling bin, though not before tearing them into little pieces, just in case a dumpster diver finds them and reads my book before I have turned it into a good book. Listen, this could happen, and it would be TERRIBLE, and NO I DO NOT TAKE MYSELF TOO SERIOUSLY SHUT UP.

I mentioned in a recent post that I've been having problems focusing lately. Knowing that I would be transitioning soon to this revision, I've been worried, because while it's okay to have some trouble focusing as I begin a new book that has no deadline, it's a problem to have trouble focusing if I'm revising a book that my editor and I are hoping to slot into a particular release season. A few wise and reassuring friends have suggested that the revision might bring focus along with it; that when my editor's revision notes arrive, so will my focus. I don't think it's too early in the process to say that they were right. I am deeply excited by the challenges presented to me by the comments of my editor and my early readers. I have always enjoyed working on this particular book, and at the moment, I feel like I'm facing some deliciously difficult questions. I have no idea what the answers are, but I know that sometime in the next few weeks, the pieces of this swirling mess will settle into their places (or else I will wrangle them there), and then I will be able to see them. And THEN I will have the frustrating challenge of bringing them into being on the page.

I love being in the middle of this mess. I'm enjoying it while I can, because once I know the plan and all the actual work is ahead... there may be some whining here on the blog. :o)

The World Cup of Arm-Folding

If you've been watching the World Cup, then chances are, you've seen a lot of players turn to the left and cross their arms during the line-up presentations. Even if you haven't, I bet you'll enjoy this piece at Slate, Who Won the World Cup of Arm-Folding? Hilarious. Read it on a device that allows you to see the graphics, i.e., maybe not your phone. Thanks, Stephanie.

Hawks and Conchords

I came across this guy a couple of hours ago in the Boston Gardens, hanging out in a shrubbery. Sent a photo to my buddy Jim, who says it looks like a young red-tailed hawk.


On the subway ride home, someone with a sing-songy voice was talking about sandwiches, and I figured, since the blog is all randomness lately, that's reason enough to share my favorite Flight of the Conchords song again…

Randutiae That Reflect the Scattered State of My Brains

I've been a very poor blogger lately. I have a list as long as my arm of things I've been wanting to blog about, but the spirit has not been moving me. In particular, I've been going through a period of grievously fractured focus with my writing, and have been wanting to blog something about that. I actually sat down yesterday, expecting to write a blog post about it – even contacted a few friends to ask permission to share some of the wise things they've been saying – but then, to my delight, my focus came back, and instead, I worked. I'm hoping the same thing is about to happen as I sit down this very moment. So, instead of one of those blog posts I've been meaning to write, I offer a few random pictures and one wise quote from a friend, presented with no context whatsoever :o). Maybe they will mean something to you.

 On my writing desk.
Cambridge, MA window box.

 City Hall in Cambridge flies the American flag, the POW/MIA flag, and the rainbow flag.
I ♥ my city.
 And here's the view from far, far away. Screencap on my phone.
Blue dot means "you are here."
The satellite images in the maps app may be the most beautiful
 things a phone can do.
A wise friend said these words this week and I was like, "Wait, I need to write that down."
I did so, then stuck the post-it onto my computer.

Sharing Some Great Links…

… via screencaps of all the browsers currently open on my phone. Some of these are priceless, others are slightly pointless…



1. Dance performances on the Ability Unlimited Foundation website. The Ability Unlimited Foundation is a Delhi-based non-profit social service organization for the benefit of differently-abled people irrespective of race, religion, caste, colour and creed. Thanks, Deborah :)

2. Frog Museum in Estavayer-le-Lac, Switzerland. 150-year old satirical tableaux made from stuffed frogs.  Bizarre and awesome. Thanks, Anindita :) 

3. Tiny Pantone Matching System Match. "A personal project of tiny proportion—matching small everyday objects to their Pantone® colors, by designer Inka Mathew." Oddly soothing! I couldn't stop scrolling down until I got to the end. Thanks, Jess :)

4. Poisoned Apples: Poems for You, My Pretty by Christine Heppermann. This outstanding new book of poetry turned me into a puddle from the first poem. A silent, wondering puddle. Not out until September but it can be pre-ordered. From the starred Kirkus review: "Lacing traditional fairy tales through real-life perils, Heppermann produces short poems with raw pain, scathing commentary and fierce liberation. There’s no linear arc; instead, girls buck and fight and hurt.... Full of razors that cut—and razors to cut off shackles: a must."



5. Graph showing the most common non-Christian religions in the USA by state. Cool! Thanks, Becca :)

6.
7. Super Indian, a comic by Arigon Starr, reviewed at American Indians in Children's Literature. This and the four links in the next screencap are comics I intend to look into at some point. I can't remember how I came across this one, though…

8. Written? Kitten! I've already blogged about Written? Kitten! and it shouldn't surprise you that I have it open on all of my devices. Thanks again, Steve :)



 9. The blog of graphic novelist Craig Thompson.

10. The comics of Daniel Clowes.

11. The comics of Faith Erin Hicks.

12. The comics of Gene Luen Yang. Thanks, Amanda, for all four :)



13. Around here is where my links start to get exceedingly random, and maybe I should've closed a few browsers before taking my screencaps… But, local people, do you know about the new H Mart in Central Square? Thanks, Becca :)

14. How to Care for a Pregnant Mare. This is book research. You know, you would really not believe how late in a pregnancy mares remain active – and how dangerous a delivery can become, very quickly, for both the mare and the foal, if the foal isn't presenting correctly.

15. The Wikipedia page for Green Lantern... because you know what, I don't really understand the point of Green Lantern. I will say, to his credit, that at least he doesn't have a big letter A on his forehead that stands for America.

16. A Google search for that line in The Princess Bride about how you should never bet against a Sicilian when death is on the line. I (being of Sicilian heritage) needed to use the line in an argument with a friend and wanted to make sure I was quoting it correctly. (Like I said, the links begin to deteriorate a bit here at the end... but I am a completist, so (uncertain about whether I just used that word correctly) I soldier on!)



17. A lovely essay called "You're Probably Using the Wrong Dictionary," by James Somers. (Webster's 1913 Dictionary is the one we should all be using.) Thanks, JD :)

18. Monks, Popes, and their Political Intrigues, by John Alberger – a free e-book on Amazon that will remain on this open browser until I get around to downloading it. Book research. No idea if it will be helpful; often I read things on instinct, not entirely sure what I'm looking for.

19. The first few lines of The Merchant of Venice, about sadness, spoken by Antonio. These words are so, so beautiful, and sometimes, if I'm sad and I can't figure out why, it's a great comfort to me to read them out loud:

In sooth, I know not why I am so sad:
It wearies me; you say it wearies you;
But how I caught it, found it, or came by it,
What stuff ’tis made of, whereof it is born,
I am to learn;
And such a want-wit sadness makes of me,
That I have much ado to know myself.

20. Google search for World Cup results. No explanation needed!