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Advent Reflections: Day 5 By Cortney Donelson

John 1:14And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.

God's Word became flesh means that God descended from Heaven to earth in the form of a baby named Jesus. Both fully God and fully human, He came to provide Salvation (the solution) for our sins. Without Jesus, we would still be making burnt offerings and sacrifices to atone for those sins. The veil would not have been torn, giving us access to the God of All Creation. 

Those who walked with Jesus during His 33 year reign on earth faced the spectacular. They used each one of their senses to experience God's glory, His grace, and His truth. Imagine! They touched the Lord's cloak, watched His miracles unfold, heard His sermons first-hand, smelled the wine turned from water, tasted the bread and fish that fed the multitudes, and learned how to walk intimately with God from God Himself. 

I am often envious of those who knew Jesus so tangibly. I forget that Jesus advised us that it was better for Him to leave. In the dark and anxious moments of life, it is easy for me to overlook the One who came in place of Jesus, the One whom Jesus called another Comforter. This Spirit dwelling within those who put their trust in Christ is also Helper, Advocate, Intercessor, and Counselor. I often forget I can use every sense to experience God's Word and power through the Holy Spirit. 

So, this Christmas season, let's take time to tap into the Spirit. Let's catch a glimpse of the love that pours out of others who are tapping into the Holy Spirit. Let's allow Him to comfort, help, advocate, and counsel us. After all, as Jesus explained, it is better to have God abiding within us at all times than to have Jesus right in front of us just part of the time as the disciples did. 

Father God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, we love You! We don't want to miss the impact of Christ's coming, NOR the significance of His leaving to return to the Father. We pray we tap into the Holy Spirit within us and allow our reactions and responses to our circumstances flow from the power of the Spirit rather than our own emotions and understanding. Amen.

Advent Reflections: Day 4 By Cortney Donelson

Matthew 2:10 
When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy.

Have you ever waited an extended time for The Amazing? Not amazing as an adjective but the amazing - as a noun. I expect most of you, like me, have had to experience a season of waiting. For graduation. A job. A house. A child...

The shepherds were keenly aware of God's promise of the coming Messiah. They had been waiting. Prophesies about the Son of Man had been occurring for more than 700 years. Then, there had been a long period of silence. So, I imagine the Israelites were getting impatient, feeling rejected, and maybe even becoming apathetic. Did God forsake us or forget His promise? 

Despite the agony of the wait and the period of God's silence as He prepared to change history, when the star shone brightly that night, the shepherds knew. They did not second-guess. They didn't doubt. They didn't reject the reality as fantasy nor ignore the truth of the sign. They rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. I love the adverb clause and prepositional phrase here. It's as if twenty exclamation points were placed at the end of the sentence. They were not just rejoicing. They were filled with awe, joy, and most likely a good measure of relief. This was IT! 

Christ has come! Halleluiah! He was born, later was crucified, and finally rose again. We celebrate this joy-filled event of Christ's birth, and we realize we, too, are in a waiting period. We have been promised another Amazing. Christ will return, preceded by the sound of trumpets and culminating with the reconciliation of this world. When that happens, I hope we'll rejoice super exceedingly with a double portion of breathtaking joy and peace!!!

Father God, we rejoice exceedingly this Christmas season. We can only imagine what those shepherds were thinking and feeling that night as Your star shone, indicating Your promise had been fulfilled. We stand in awe of the majesty of that night. And, as we anticipate Christ's return, we pray we don't lose our intensity or resolve. We pray we don't doubt or second-guess in the midst of the wait. I pray when He comes, we are ready. In Jesus's name we pray. Amen.

Advent Reflections: Day 3 By Cortney Donelson

Luke 1:30-31
And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus."

Favor with God . I love this. Mary was not famous (before this story). She was not highly educated. She didn't have a platform, a book deal, or large numbers of social media followers. Mary was a pre-teen (or a young teen at most). Yet, she had found favor with God. 

A great definition of "favor with God" is a demonstrated delight. God delighted in Mary ...  so much so that He chose her to change history. When I read Luke's account of this - the beginning of the Christmas story - I wonder, why Mary? 

My guess is just that, a guess. I bet Mary found delight in God almost as much as God delighted in her. Perhaps Mary was obedient in the little things so that God trusted her to be obedient in the biggest thing of all. Or, maybe for some reason, Mary was feeling she was at rock bottom, and she discovered that trusting in God's plan was the only course of action that would redeem her circumstances. I may never know, at least on this side of Heaven. But, I do know that it doesn't take what we have, what we do, who we think we are, or where we came from to please God. It doesn't take fame, fortune, or power to be used mightily in God's grand plan. 

Maybe, just maybe, it's simply grace. 


Father God, thank You for including Mary in the most important story in history. Thank You for showing us through her devotion to You that we don't have to be or do something special. We can change history as long as we say yes to You and refrain from living in fear. You are mighty and worthy of all our praise and obedience. I pray we delight in You as Mary did. In Jesus's name we pray. Amen.

Advent Reflections: Day 2 By Cortney Donelson

Zechariah 9:9 
Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout aloud, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your king is coming to you; righteous and having salvation is He, humber and mounted on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.  

Maybe you're like me, and you find yourself continuously sitting in awe of how God has put all the pieces of your life together. You look back and see His hand over your circumstances, and you can't help but weep with joy. Or, perhaps you find yourself on the opposite end of the spectrum. You wonder why God and His will for your life are such mysteries. You yearn to understand what it all means - what life with Jesus can do for you that you can't do for yourself.

Regardless on which side you sit this Advent season, I hope this verse in Zechariah is encouraging to you. It's one of many Old Testament scriptures pointing to the coming Messiah. He wants us to know the good plans He has for us (in this case, The Good News) even before they happen. See, God never wants to be a mystery to us. Mysterious? Yes, maybe - it's what makes Him God and us not able to fully understand His thoughts or ways. But, God does not want to be a mystery. He wants us to know Him intimately, like a best friend. He wants us to trust Him implicitly, as we would a savior. And, we can't know and trust Him if He shields His own character or His plans from us. So, let's dive deep today. Let's pray for God's wisdom, for knowledge, and for discernment. If the God of All fulfilled every prophesy about Jesus's coming, if the Old Testament writers were mapping out the birth of our King years and years before it happened, doesn't it make sense that God is speaking to us today as well, urging us to trust and know Jesus Christ as our Lord? I bet He's orchestrated a miracle or two or fulfilled a few promises in your life. It's just a matter of you realizing it. 

Father God, thank You for fulfilling the prophesies of Christ. Thank You that You have not set out to be a mystery. In Your loving way, You have paved the way for us to seek You and know You deeply. You have made a way for all to find You, trust You, and walk humbly with You. We are grateful that You have opened our eyes and hearts to see. I pray for those who are still seeking. May they find You this Christmas season. Yes, this Advent season, we want to affirm this certainty: Jesus is the truth, the light, and the way. Amen.

Advent Reflections: Day 1 By Cortney Donelson

This Advent season, I invite you to join me for five minutes of reflection each day. I am convinced this time will help us prepare to fully celebrate the Birth of Christ.














Luke 19:10 (NIV)
For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost. 

If you have not yet accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you should know that because of God's vast love for you, Jesus was born more than 2000 years ago, leaving the comfort and perfection of the Kingdom of Heaven in order to seek you out and save you from an eternity apart from God. What a gift indeed!

If you are a Christ-follower, you have been found; you've received His saving grace! So, what now? We are ambassadors of Christ - instructed to be the light of the world and the salt of the earth, a lamp which is not to be hidden, salt which is not to lose its flavor, continually showcasing Christ's love for all to see. How have you been light or salt today?

Father God, thank You for the gift of Christ. You have made a way for all to find You, know You, and walk humbly with You. We are grateful for the search and save mission that started over 2000 years ago, and continues to this day. This Advent season, we want to affirm this certainty: Jesus is the truth, the light, and the way. Amen.

Advent Reflections: Day 1By Cortney Donelson

This Advent season, I invite you to join me for five minutes of reflection each day. I am convinced this time will help us prepare to fully celebrate the Birth of Christ.














Luke 19:10 (NIV)
For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost. 

If you have not yet accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you should know that because of God's vast love for you, Jesus was born more than 2000 years ago, leaving the comfort and perfection of the Kingdom of Heaven in order to seek you out and save you from an eternity apart from God. What a gift indeed!

If you are a Christ-follower, you have been found; you've received His saving grace! So, what now? We are ambassadors of Christ - instructed to be the light of the world and the salt of the earth, a lamp which is not to be hidden, salt which is not to lose its flavor, continually showcasing Christ's love for all to see. How have you been light or salt today?

Father God, thank You for the gift of Christ. You have made a way for all to find You, know You, and walk humbly with You. We are grateful for the search and save mission that started over 2000 years ago, and continues to this day. This Advent season, we want to affirm this certainty: Jesus is the truth, the light, and the way. Amen.

We Cannot Out-Love God By Cortney Donelson

Today I feel compelled to start in prayer. Every day and with every devotion, I really must start in prayer. 
Father God, You are the one true God, the only One from whom lasting hope, peace, and love come. Your Word became flesh, died, and lived again for our sins. Your Word is everlasting. May it continue to teach us, direct us, fill us, and love us until we meet face to face in Your glorious Kingdom. May we never change it, distort it, or edit it to fit our own desires or the swinging pendulum of popular opinion. You are the great I AM.  In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen. 
Disclaimer: I am not a Bible scholar. So, feel free to stop right here, close out of the blog, and move along. However, I hope you don’t. 
There are two points I want make. First, The Holy Bible is God’s love, written out for us. It emphasizes His truths, reveals His promises, and exposes His character. Second, there are public individuals with mega platforms who are altering God’s Word to fit their own agendas or lifestyles. They are doing it in the name of loving others. But, I desperately want you to know ... we cannot out-love God. 
God did not inspire the authors of the Bible to write it in such a manner that only those who are trained or educated a certain way can decipher and understand it. He certainly did not inspire it so that individuals can amend the truths to match their environments. The historical stories, the spiritual lessons, and the poetic messages were written for you and me to read and comprehend, no matter in what society or time period we live. God hopes we meditate on these Scriptures. He hopes we sit with them and soak in them. He hopes we invite them into our minds and hearts in order to know how to live out a godly life. 
Even if I was – a Bible scholar, that is - I would still ask this of you: With every word I speak, every sentence I type, and every message I share, I implore you to weigh it against the Word. I beg you to check me and compare everything that comes from my mouth with what God says. James 3:1 warns teachers will be judged more strictly. It’s not a role I take lightly. So, I ask that if I speak against His Word that you (kindly and perhaps privately) call me out, show me, and correct me. After all, that is the purpose of God’s Word, to instruct and correct us. 

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NASB95)"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
That is the only way I can be okay with this calling I feel to write, speak, and teach. 

2 Timothy 2:15 (NIV)
“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.”
My heart aches and beats violently – yes, simultaneously – for those who are misrepresenting the Word, teachers who massage the contents of the Bible to fit cultural demands and their own situations and then share them as truth. They are teaching and advocating for principles and values that go against the very Bible they claim to trust and live by, and it breaks my heart – not only for them but also for the hundreds of thousands who follow them. 

2 Peter 2:1-3 (NIV)
False Teachers and Their Destruction
But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves. Many will follow their depraved conduct and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. In their greed these teachers will exploit you with fabricated stories. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.
When we change God’s Word to suit our own desires or to match what we believe is a more loving way to live, we effectively terminate our relationship as God’s Ambassadors. Instead, we designate ourselves as gods. When we believe that the Word is no longer relevant to our current culture, even though the God of the Old Testament is the same God as the New Testament and who will be the same God as in all eternity, we are relinquishing our need for a Savior. Rather than creating a more loving culture of Christians, we are enabling a group of people to believe they know what is more loving than God Himself.  
Look, friends. I don’t always like what the Bible says either. There are parts of the His Word that I would enjoy ripping out, shredding, or rewriting. The most chilling verse in the Bible for me is Matthew 7:23. It says, “Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!” The Lord is speaking to those trying to enter the Kingdom of Heaven who thought that because they were good people, did faithful work, and believed in the God of all creation, that they were His disciples and were granted entrance into eternity with Him. As is stated, “even demons believe ... and shudder.” (James 2:19) The truth is that we can do nothing on our own to guarantee our salvation – including loving others to the point of turning a blind heart to truth. Only through the blood of Jesus, our proclamation that He is our Savior, and by God’s grace will we enter those gates. 
If we ignore the uncomfortable truths, if we hide or minimize parts of the Bible, then we should just put the whole of it on the shelf. To believe we can edit His Word to suit ourselves - even the majority of ourselves - is to promote ourselves to the status of gods. We are not God, and we cannot out-love Him! He loves us enough to give us His Word. In the flesh. Who died a wicked death. For us. All of us. 
To my LGBT friends (I know there are many of you reading this) ... 
You know me. I love you. Deeply. This is so hard. And, likely nowhere near as hard as from inside your shoes. I don’t like it, but if I negotiate and concede on what the Bible tells me is Truth, I believe I am giving up on God Himself. I cannot relegate Him from Supreme Being who loves us all and wants the best for us to some far away entity that doesn’t have a clue as to what we need. I can't make Him malleable to fit my opinions. He did not create us to live comfortable and happy lives. Trust me. I know this firsthand. I have died to myself a dozen times a day in my recent past – and continue to do so for I am a sinner. I have had to put away my own beliefs and desires and dig into what His Word says in order to make it to the next day. He created us for a bigger purpose than to simply be happy. I cannot just give up on that purpose. And, as I walk that decision out, I’ve learned that the amount of joy that springs up from walking in His truth is so much more than what any emotional happiness can fill. Please hear my weeping heart – because it is breaking – I pray for you. I empathize with you. I hope you can also empathize with my position. I do not judge you. I pray you know that it is not personal between you and me but deeply personal between me and God . I love you. I love God. And, I am choosing to follow His Word.
His love for us is vast and unfathomable. He knows our fears, our desires, and our struggles. He knows what makes us happy. He knows what makes us angry. He knows what we think in the quiet of our homes. He knows what makes us human. He knows. He loves us just the same. And still...
His ways are not our ways. (Isaiah 55:8) I firmly believe this is a wonderful promise even when His ways disrupt our ideas of what’s “best” or “allowable,” and certainly what’s “holy.” 
So, I ask you: What are your teachers teaching you? By their fruit you can recognize true and false teachers, true and false disciples. (Matthew 7:16-20) Do not be led astray. Compare everything to God’s Word. Start with this post. 
I challenge each of you: Make it about God’s love for us all and how He loves out loud with His Word and not about us trying to out-love God by changing His Word. 
Because we can’t.

Influenced by my prayer life, current events, and The Holy Bible in its entirety, including John 3:16, Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:7-8, John 13:34-35, Isaiah 41:13, and others listed above. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize this is a sensitive topic, and one that will likely cause backlash and stir up raw emotion. My hope is that you seek to understand my perspective as I have sought to understand others’ views. I know I am likely now in the minority with regards to certain topics. I write this from a deep place of sadness – not judgment or condemnation. I am no better than anyone else. I am in need of Jesus as much as (if not more than) the next person. Fear, judgment, and condemnation are things of the enemy that I refuse to participate in and have worked hard to remove from my life. I could have easily kept all this inside, living in quiet sorrow for those I love who I feel are being deceived, hiding the Word in my heart but failing to love others by releasing it. I chose to speak up and live out truth in love because I truly care – just as these celebrity thought leaders who speak out against traditional Christian values. But, I cannot stay silent any longer. You see, I will meet God face to face some day and give an account for my own actions. I don’t want silence to be one of those actions I must face with regret. You can’t share truth without having love. Neither can you truly love without sharing the truth. They go hand-in-hand. If your perspective is different than mine, I respect that. But, if I had kept silent, then I feel I would have been part of the enemy’s plan. The beauty of God’s creation is our ability to think for ourselves. And, the beauty of our nation is our right to respectfully speak out. I hope you don’t unsubscribe or unfriend me in some social-media kind of protest. I pray that you take this to the Lord and allow Him to show you His truth. Thank you. 


©2012-2016 Cortney Donelson. All rights reserved.


Cortney's book, Clay Jar, Cracked: When We're Broken But Not Shattered is available now as an ebook on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other retailers, as well as in paperback at www.cortneydonelson.com! It will be available world-wide in bookstores and libraries through Morgan James Publishing when publicly released on March 7, 2017. Visit www.cortneydonelson.com for more information and to learn about the "I'm a Clay Jar" Encourager Class for groups! To schedule speaking engagements, please email Cortney directly. 

Praying with Eyes Wide Open: My Shortest Post Ever By Cortney Donelson

Image Cred: UnknownAfter this post, I may never be asked to participate in community prayer again. You see (pun absolutely intended), sometimes I engage in group prayer with my eyes wide open. Not every time. There are moments when I just want to drop to my knees and face plant into the floor boards out of awe and respect.
However, there are instances when I am in prayer circles or ministry settings when I look around at the people I'm with, and I take in everything they are doing ... everything they are feeling. As I speak and worship out loud, I am watching, learning, and seeking the Lord as I set my heart and eyes not on the ground, not into the blackness of my own peepers' lids, but into the precious faces of His children.
We were created in God's image. We were fashioned from dust to reflect His creativity, intelligence, relational abilities, capacity for intimate communication, and of course, His spiritual nature. Prayer highlights these God-qualities within us. By its very definition, prayer is vulnerable communication with our Creator that is deeply relational and spiritual.
When we come face to face with brothers and sisters in Christ, we come face to face with God. As temples of the Spirit, we carry around not only the truth of the cross and all that it signifies, but also the very essence of God through the Holy Spirit.
One of the reasons I pray is to experience God on an intimate level. What better way is there to do that than to look into the faces of His ambassadors - His children - as we gather in corporate prayer? I'm telling you, it's an amazing way to experience God in all His creativity and intelligence.
Prayer is an open door into the Kingdom of God. I make no apologies. I don't want to miss a thing.

Prayer: Father God and Holy Spirit, I am humbled to be called child of God and I am honored and grateful that Your Son, Jesus Christ, paved the way for me to have a relationship with You. I worship you and love you. I pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ all over the world and count it a blessing every time I can worship with them, seeing You in their faces and hearts. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen. 

Influenced by my prayer life, my prayer groups, Genesis 1:27, Genesis 2:7, Matthew 18:20, Act 2 (yes, the entire thing), and 1 John 3:1.

©2012-2016 Cortney Donelson. All rights reserved.

Cortney's book, Clay Jar, Cracked: When We're Broken But Not Shattered is available now as an ebook on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other retailers, as well as in paperback at www.cortneydonelson.com! It will be available world-wide in bookstores and libraries through Morgan James Publishing when publicly released on March 7, 2017. Visit www.cortneydonelson.com for more information and to learn about the "I'm a Clay Jar" Encourager Class for groups! To schedule speaking engagements, please email Cortney directly. 

The Divorcing Series: Stringing Nets By Cortney Donelson

There are times when I read something, and it sticks to me like honey. Or, I see something that I just can’t get out of my head. Sometimes, I hear something that rings in my soul long after the actual words penetrated my eardrums. 
The most recent “something” was a sentence from a novel. It came from a fictional story, but oh the power of these words! 
Life has taught us to string nets beneath our hopes.
The author of these words is Ian Caldwell, and he is correct. This past year of my life has been surreal – in a great way. My marriage has become a safe haven, one that I treasure and am running towards for affection, approval, and some plain old fun. My kids are growing up fast, but I can see how a Heavenly Father. whom they are learning to trust implicitly, is molding them. Messy school situations have quieted as we settle into our routines; boy and girl are finally happily learning in their respective environments. My four (thousand) roles are carrying on as if I have actually cloned myself. In reality, I’ve learned how to step away from performance and perfection and just be. My book is scheduled to launch in bookstores in March. I am feeling quite content.
But... (There’s always a but, isn’t there?) In all my newly found authenticity, I will admit to you that my content is likely caused by this good life. Truthfully, I don’t believe I would be so satisfied – so grateful – right now if things were a little rockier. 
I imagine this because there lurks something not so beautiful in this life where everything is lovely. It’s called skepticism or doubt. Perhaps even cynicism. 

Past experiences have left cracks in our souls. Our thoughts, feelings, and choices have been tainted by life lived in a fallen world. We have all been hurt – some deeply. Those we love have disappointed us. Most of us have experienced rejection, abandonment, or neglect. Life has taught us that while trust and respect are earned, they can also be ripped away in an instant. Our difficult journeys have shown us that just when we believe our lives are wonderful or even secure, rugs can be suddenly ripped out. Houses can fall. Families can implode. Health can fail. Grief can descend like an avalanche, and trauma can be seconds away. 
This leaves us with a desire to string nets – safety nets that will catch our dreams and sustain our hope when we are cracked wide open by events or even people. These nets come in many forms: walled up hearts, a lack of authenticity, plans B, C, and D, excuses, self-condemnation, and even addictions.
Within that longing to string nets, we find the doubt that lurks beneath. There is uncertainty snaking through our world, perpetuated by the devil. It's the message that God is not good. From the beginning of the human race, the enemy’s goal has been to cause us to question God’s sovereignty and goodness. We have become skeptical about even the possibility of experiencing a joy that endures our circumstances. So, how do we overcome this pervasive doubt? After all, we don’t want to live devoid of genuine hope. We surely don’t want to wilt under the enemy’s lies as we furiously string up false security beneath our faith.
Hope in our culture has become a synonym to a second word: wish. I hope it doesn’t rain. My kids hope there is a snow day. I hope we win the lottery. As Christians, we must abandon this worldly idea of hope and instead anchor ourselves in the hope of Christ. This biblical hope is the sturdy root system of the towering oaks named joy and peace. Hope is the conviction that this world is not our permanent home, these circumstances are not the whole of our stories, and even our deepest cracks are temporary. Hope is the unwavering faith in the Kingdom of Heaven and in the character of God.  
So, while life here demonstrates to us that disasters do strike, people can hurt us, and we will experience pain and disappointment, we do not have to rely on unhealthy or ungodly safety nets. As the enemy whispers the age-old lie that God is not good, we can confidently throw up our hand and turn away. When life begs us to string nets to protect our dreams, our hearts, and our possessions, we can instead position our souls to rely on the hope that surpasses understanding, the hope who is Love. 
When we become anchored in the hope of Christ, we finally realize we don’t need to string nets ... our hope is in Him, the perfect fisher of men and women. 


Prayer: Father God, You are the one true God, the only One from whom lasting hope, peace, and love come. While circumstances will seem to break us, we know that as long as we are anchored in your hope, in Your Son, we don’t need to string safety nets to catch our hearts. You are the anchor we need to trust. For that we are forever grateful.  In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen. 

Influenced by my prayer life, Hebrews 6:19, Romans 15:13, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, the book The Fifth Gospel by Ian Caldwell, and my book Clay Jar, Cracked: When We’re Broken But Not Shattered. 

©2012-2016 Cortney Donelson. All rights reserved.

Cortney's book, Clay Jar, Cracked: When We're Broken But Not Shattered is available now at www.cortneydonelson.com! It will be available world-wide in bookstores and libraries through Morgan James Publishing when publicly released on March 7, 2017. Visit www.cortneydonelson.com for more information and to learn about the "I'm a Clay Jar" Encourager Class for groups! To schedule speaking engagements, please email Cortney directly. 

When I Constantly Do the Same Kind of Wrong By Cortney Donelson

Image Cred: Namito Kiwa




















Matthew Henry (Bible commentary writer extraordinaire) once wrote, “Every temptation to draw us from duty, should quicken us the more to duty.”
For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (Romans 7:18-20)
Sometimes, I just want to punch myself. Remember the scene from the movie Liar, Liar when Jim Carrey's character beats himself up in the restroom? Like that.  

It seems to me from this passage from the Book of Romans that Paul was frustrated with himself at times, too. I appreciate Paul sharing his internal conflict, for try as I might to stop or change certain behaviors, I continue to wrestle with myself.  I know that I can be prideful. Many times, I’m unkind and impatient. Sometimes, I don’t even like people. Not just some people. All people. That’s when I know for sure I’m in a rotten place. I battle with these flaws, weaknesses, and dishonoring characteristics. And, through the work of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me, I have seen changes. Over time, I am becoming more Christ-like in these areas. Though, make no mistake, I have quite a journey to go.
There is one area, unfortunately, where I am not seeing much change yet. The enemy keeps slithering in to wreak havoc. It’s that button of mine that when pushed, renders me stupid. I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. It’s where I continue to fall pray to the devil’s schemes. 
I say “yes.” And, I know why I do. It’s not that I can’t say “no.” In fact, I have learned how to say “no” very well. No, I can’t meet for coffee. No, I would not like to give to that cause today. No, I will not stand by and tolerate that behavior. No, I don't agree with you. No problem. 
My button is the “I want to be important” button. It’s a hot one. When that button is pressed, there is no telling what I will say yes to. Yes, I will take that leadership role. Yes, I can do that for you but only because you are so nice and tell me I would be great at it. Why, thank you for the compliment, and of course I can add that responsibility to my already full plate. After all, I thirst for approval and recognition. So much so that when my “I feel important” button is pushed, I’ll do just about anything you ask!! < Insert punch to throat. >
I lost count the number of times I have told myself that I will be intentionally focused on the work God has me doing. Then, I get distracted. Immeasurable are the times I have set my schedule to allow for rest, reflection, and quiet times to fill me up, but then I compromise those blocks of time. I know I must say more of what Nehemiah said to those who aimed to distract him from building the wall. I am involved in a great work. I cannot come.  
Despite my head knowledge, these are the thoughts that creep in and destroy my loyalty to pursuing God’s will for me (being so transparent here, so please offer me three or four tons of grace):
I like being considered the “go to person.”I want to be needed by others. I want to be important in other people’s eyes. I like making decisions. I like feeling successful in every worldly sense of the word.I like being a leader. I want to make a lasting difference.  (This one is actually good, but sometimes I question my motive.)
I try to convince others and myself that I don’t seek out approval from anyone above God, but that is obviously a lie. Wanting approval from others is fine. My problem is that my need for approval from others is distracting me from God. Just as a drug addict continues to depress the syringe despite the harm, I continue to give in to pride as compliments fuel my self-worth. So, I keep saying yes. It’s maddening. With each stroke of my ego, I bend my priorities to feed my insecurities rather than bend my heart towards God’s direction and purpose for me. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. The enemy knows that if he keeps me busy with good things and lofty goals, I won’t have time for the best things, the things for which I was created for in the first place. When we do not live out our true identities in Christ, we are susceptible to manipulation. As it turns out, Paul was right. My flesh – even my heart – is wicked apart from Christ’s love and power. 
Jesus came to serve, not be served. The Lord teaches that those who are last will be first. I am only going to become a difference maker in the truest and noblest sense of the word if I face this prideful desire to feel important, stare down the enemy, don the armor of God, and keep my priorities in order. I must die to myself in order to fully live. I must say no even when my sinful nature urges me to say yes. The truth is, if I prioritize God’s yeses for my life, I will be making the greatest possible impact in this world and truly feel the weighty importance of living out my divine purpose. Then, in the end, perhaps I will hear the ultimate phrase of approval any one of us can receive: “Well done my good and faithful servant.”  All this I know... so did Paul. 
And for your own secret hot buttons, so do you...

Prayer: Father God, thank You for inspiring Paul to include this heartfelt struggle in his letter to the Romans. The struggle is real! All of us are engaged in an internal battle. Some button is being pushed. Some sinful thought pattern or behavior remains within, ensnaring our hearts and rendering us incomplete. I pray against the enemy’s schemes to keep us trapped in our sinful natures. I pray the Holy Spirit continues its work in me – in all of us believers – as we wrestle with our innermost buttons. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen. 
Influenced by my prayer life, Romans 7:18-20, Nehemiah 6:3, Psalms 25:8-9, Isaiah 5:15, Matthew 20:6, Jeremiah 17:9, Ephesians 4:21, Ephesians 6:11, James 4:7, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, Interrupted: When Jesus Wrecks Your Comfortable Christianity by Jen Hatmaker, and the struggles within my soul. 

©2012-2016 Cortney Donelson. All rights reserved.


Cortney's book, Clay Jar, Cracked: When We're Broken But Not Shattered is available now at www.cortneydonelson.com! It will be available world-wide in bookstores and libraries through Morgan James Publishing when publicly released on March 7, 2017. Visit www.cortneydonelson.com for more information and to learn about the "I'm a Clay Jar" Encourager Class for groups! To schedule speaking engagements, please email Cortney directly.