Rita Arens's Blog, page 30

How Long Things Take

I remember a stopwatch in my childhood. I think it belonged to my father, though I'm not actually sure. I got ahold of it one day and started timing how long it took me to do things I normally did. I was shocked to find most of my daily activities took a number of seconds, maybe a minute or two. That knowledge was heavy.

If you think about all the tasks of everyday life in terms of individual actions that take merely seconds each, the day seems to stretch on forever in a ridiculously overwhel...

Sometimes I Worry I Take Myself Too Seriously

Do you ever look at all the people making sexy fish-faces on The Facebook and wonder how we got here?

Then, in the midst of my judginess, I look at my own damn profile picture, which is one of the only pictures I've ever taken in which I'm not smiling, because I was trying to be serious and authorial and not giddy. Totally no different than The Facebook. I'm guilty.

Sometimes I get so tired of myself and trying to promote my writing and trying to be, just, well, MORE. More as a writer, more a...

Why I Let My Daughter Lie Around Every Monday in Summer

Last year and this year, we've let my daughter stay home one day a week from summer camp provided she doesn't interfere with my work (well, more than making her lunch and things that can't be avoided). It saves us around $130 a month and it lets her get bored. Remember getting bored? And having to do something about it yourself? I think it's very important for her to learn to putter around the house so she doesn't follow her roommates around like a sad puppy in college.

On most summer Mondays...

All Done

The actual upper and lower scope didn't take long at all. They took all the biopsies they needed this time and told me about my innards. Some more medicines.

They gave me something to dry out my throat that hasn't worn off yet, but I'm otherwise fine. I finished FORGIVE ME, LEONARD PEACOCK and thought about how important it is for teens to have trusted adults in their lives, how the presence of that can make all the difference in eventual psychological scarring.

Last night right before bed I...

Diary of a Clear Liquid Diet

*updated whenever I remember*

I have my colonoscopy tomorrow. This is the second colonoscopy I've had, so unfortunately, this time I know what to expect. I'll spare you the details of the gross parts, but in case anyone's wondering what it's like to prep for a procedure like this, I thought I'd liveblog it. I promise I will not talk about my plumbing.

8 am: Coffee. No milk. I poured water into it out of a water bottle to try to fool my mind with the ritual. My mind was fooled. My tastebuds we...

Colonoscopy Prep: Day Zero

You're supposed to eat protein before starting the all-liquid diet. Tonight we ate at the pool. I had a hot pretzel with cheese, part of the little angel's fries, kettle chips and some chardonnay.

Oops. Stay tuned. Yellow Jell-o is in the fridge.

The Jury's Out on Gluten

Yesterday, I found myself in the gastro doc's office for two and a half hours. We went through in detail my history of eating disorders, veganism, vegetarianism, surgeries, childhood afflictions and allergies, family history. The nurse practioner who spent so much time with me reviewed the results from my last colonoscopy. She told me all the things that could be causing my distress. She told me that the last gastro doc eyeballed my gut but didn't actually do a biopsy for celiac disease. She...

What's the Point of the Game?

My sister loaned me her boxed set of Battlestar Gallactica DVDs a while back, and I burned through all the seasons in record time. I just binged that show, I loved it so much. So many fascinating questions about humanity. While stumbling around the Internet, I discovered there is another series, although a much shorter one, called Caprica, which is set on Earth and shows how Cylons came to look like people. (There is a lot of other stuff that is not explained, unfortunately, but whatever.)

In...

Why My Daughter Deserves a Blog More Than I Do

Last week while my mom was visiting, she, my girl and I went to Panera for dinner before Ma sweetly took my girl home so I could have a few hours to work on PARKER CLEAVES. As we ate, I found myself completely overtaken with the conversation of the two women behind me, who were filling out some sort of Bible-related workbooks.

Their conversation was HILARIOUS and not intentionally at all. I sat there, nodding and smiling at my mom and daughter because they thought they were talking to me, but...

The Dreaded Gluten-Free Experiment

I am so sick of my gut.

I have already been diagnosed with bile acid malabsorption and take medicine for it, two huge pills twice a day. However, those pills can't be taken within four hours of any other medicine or it won't be absorbed properly, either. Since I value my mental health more than my bowel health, I put the priority on taking my antidepressants at the same time every day, but whether I remember to take the other pills twice a day within four hours is another question. Some days,...